The Big Book as a Textbook – Big Book Workshop – Part 1 of 2 – Cliff B.

Without further ado, I'll introduce Sir Clifford Bishop. We've got six suckers in here tonight. There it is. Whoever put that on the board can come up here and take over the podium tonight. My name is Cliff Bishop and I'm a real alcoholic. And I don't know a damn thing about the inner child, so that's the end of that one. Kind of like preaching to the choir when we stand in the podium in this group, but we do have some folks in here who I presume have not yet taken the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and found out what a thrill this thing can be. I have been blessed to have two opportunities to survive alcoholism. The first one occurred in September 1964. I stayed around until 1970. Had an opportunity to get into a new profession. It sounded exciting. I went after it. Eleven years after my last meeting, 16 years after my last drunk, I drove 70 miles for a sick pack of beer. It took me two years to get back, and when I got back there was a totally different environment in Alcoholics Networks. What I left was a place where the only place we could sober up was either in AA or in jail. There were no treatment centers, thank goodness. and the hospitals would not take us. I had a doctor who lied seven times to keep me from dying drunk, and some of you who were here for Elaine's viewing last April had a chance to meet that guy. But when I found myself back, we were no longer, as I say, alcoholics laying around sobering up. We had very few speaker meetings. And it wasn't very long before I started finding myself I was exceedingly uncomfortable sitting in meetings looking at what was on the wall, the 12 steps, and hearing people read how it works and then talk about my day, my way, my problems, and my ideas and my opinions. And very fortunately, before the year was out, I ran into a guy named Joe McHugh. Some of you have heard Joe and Charlie who were world famous in carrying this simple message around the world. and I met Joe in December 1983 and got hooked up with Ed Sucker and all of a sudden life made a complete turnaround and this group exists because of him. But the thing I learned from Joe was that I didn't know anything about alcoholism I didn' t know anything about the Pro and Alcoholics Anonymous and I was a part of that segment of our fellowship was killing alcoholics because we were sponsoring them but we had no qualifications. And what Joe did was introduce me to the textbook for Alcoholics Anonymous. Now, if you've got a big book, it's got a dust cover on it down here on the third edition. It reads, this is the third addition of the big book. The basic text for Alcoholic Anonymous If you have a fourth edition with a dust cap, it's right in the middle of the page. And if you don't, you go to Roman No. 11 and you find out that's exactly what it says. But before we do, here's the title page of AlcoholicsAnonymous. And it says underneath how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism. But Joe started me on the forward to the first edition. And if you'll go to the forward to the First Edition, Roman numeral 13 and X and three little i's, you'll notice right underneath the title it says this is the forward as it appeared in the first printing of the First Addition in 1939. This thing completely blows me away every time I stop and think about it. An alcoholic who was three and a half years old an alcoholic who was three years sober, and a whole bunch of them with a year or so, wrote a book that has survived until this day without being able to be improved on. And Bill introduced the book to the world by saying, we have Alcoholics Anonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing and no further authentication will be necessary. We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person, besides we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all. Bill gives us a clue as to where this book came from. A handful of alcoholics for the first time in the history of mankind had found a simple program of action that made it possible to let them say they had recovered. And they were happy in their sobriety If we're not happy in our sobriety, we're not going to stay sober. And they thought what they had learned to do was so important it ought to be preserved. And so they wrote this book to show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. The next sentence says that no further authentication will be necessary, which simply says the only thing that we'll ever need to understand what our problem is, what the solution is, and what we must do to arrive at that solution is in this book. The next two sentences tells us that this book is for those who care about us as much as it is for ourselves. If you stop and think about the people that love you, you put them through more hell than anybody ever should have been exposed to. And in this book there's a set of directions for them as to how they can help us, how they kan help themselves, and how they ka learn ta have a life that is enjoyed. And last thing I'm saying besides we're sure our way of living has its advantages for all and the thing that always blows my mind is that over a 50-year period, this book has given birth to over 200 anonymous fellowships that have nothing to do with drinking booze. The first two sentences are the important ones. We of Alcoholics Anonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind about it. To show other alcoholic priests precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. I can't help when I read those two sentences and think about this young priest that was sent to a monastery. And when he arrived there, the old priest said, we want you first of all to translate some of the scrolls we have down in the archives. And the young priest sat down and started work on them. He said, you know what? These are copies of the original. I wonder what would happen if we got a hold of the originally and I worked from it. And the old preach said, well, let me go see if I can find it. And he went down and he started looking through the archives and finally he found this. And to make sure it was still in good shape, he started leaping through it. And all of a sudden, the guys upstairs heard this old priest saying, Oh my God, we missed the R. We overlooked the R." We totally overlooked the r. And they walked down and here he is beating on the wall, banging his head. And they said, What on earth is wrong, Father? He said, We missed the r." The word is celebrate. grape. I'm going home to hell with you. Now, you may think that's funny, but if you're one of those that's relying on discussion meetings, you are celibate of the program. And if you have taken the steps according to the directions in the big book, you've out a life to celebrate and it's all worthwhile and worth passing on. And that ain't no joke, that's the reality of this thing. So don't leave out the art. Become a serious student and practitioner of what has lasted since April of 1939 that we of above average intelligence cannot find a way to improve on. Flip the page, second line down tells you what it takes to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. The only requirement for membership in Alcoholics Anonymous is an honest desire to stop drinking. Honest had been removed from the third tradition probably because Bill knew by the time we got here that we didn't know what honesty was anymore. It had been a thing of the past. But if you have a desire to start drinking, it better be an honest, sincere, yearning, turning desire. Over in the foreword to the second edition, Bill gives us a little historical account of how he and Dr. Bob got together and got AA started. But the one I want to go to and really impress is Roman numeral 22X. And if you happen to be using a fourth edition, it's Roman numerel 22. No, excuse me, it'd be Roman numerald 20. I apologize. If you count down five lines from the top, he said of alcoholics who came to AA and really tried, 50% got sober and once remained that way. 25% sobered up after some relapse, and the remainder got sober after a period of time. The Beckwith family... Oh, you guys are sick, sick, thick suckers. They left out King Baby and Queen Baby. She's just been introduced lately and is really making us close. Beckwith families in 1939 and 1955 We have a second edition. Because Bill thought maybe between 1939 and the time they got ready to do the second edition, there were some things we could do to improve on it. The survey was made, and they came up with an answer. Ain't no way we can do this. And so he said 50% got sober at once. How many here have only one sobriety date? Now, if you alcoholics, your L-anonics don't count. One, two, three, four, six. Well, now that's seven. Better than average, but not quite half the hands went up, didn't they? The other half that went out, half of them came back, 75%. Those who picked sponsorship dead serious were getting better than 90%. Bill came out with 12 and 12, which some people argue is a replacement for the big book. No, it isn't. It wasn't intended to, and Bill said it was. Page 17 of the foreword says the big book was and still is the basic text for alcoholics not. I showed up in 1964-1965 survey, we were down to 50%. Only because the 12 and 12 is a thin little book, that big book is a big sucker, but if you look at the thickness of the 12th and 12th compared to the text in the big book, the big one wins. Another survey in 1980, we were down to a third. And what happened along about 1969? Grapevine came up with the idea that we needed discussion. Well, 10 years, we're down less than 1%. According to statistics, we were information. We get out of the Dallas Ag Entry Office, and that's duplicated just about everywhere. What has happened is we have abandoned the big book in working with newcomers, and they suggested that they invest their life and sobriety in meetings where the vast majority of people in meetings have no understanding of the problem nor of the solution. We'll just talk about whatever we want to talk about today and fill up our hour and say we are good AA members. Well, let's go ahead and get into it. Let's go over to page 30 Just a minute Right in the middle of that page Is a paragraph That says we learned We had to fully concede To our innermost self That we were real alcoholics Why? It is the first step In recovery Until we have the first Step completely understood And conceded To our inmost self That we are hopeless And helpless When it comes to alcoholism We've got no business going beyond that. We have no business talking about any part of our solution. And so we want to understand and see if we are real alcoholics. Let's go back to the doctor's opinion because that is the purpose of that particular section of the big thing. Dr. Silkworth was a man who was trained in psychiatry and in neurology and invested like everybody did back in the 20s and lost his rear end when the stock market crashed on October 29th. It cost him his practice. He ran into a guy named Charlie Towne. Charlie had a little hole-in-the-wall hospital off of Central Park that treated alcoholics and drug addicts. And Dr. Silkworth was looking for a job, and Charlie found him and offered him a job as medical director of Towne's Hospital at $40 a week. And that was a good bit of money in 1932. Dr. silkworth had every intention going back into private practice. But he became so fascinated in alcoholics after he saw Bill do his thing that he spent the rest of his career working with alcoholics. And his medical records show that somewhere between 60,000 and 70,000 alcoholics were directed to Alcoholics Anonymous by this precious little doctor. But where we start understanding why we're here is in the doctor's opinion. Roman Names 26 in the 3rd edition, Roman Nates 28 in the 4th edition. The very first paragraph says, We believe and so suggested a few years ago that the action to alcohol needs chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. But the phenomenon of craving has left this class and never occurred in the average tempered drinker. So Dr. Silverford's comment was, You've got a problem. And the name of the problem is alcoholism. And unlike anything I've ever run into, it is a complex problem. It's a problem of the body and it is a problem with the mind. Nobody ever had any trouble figuring out we had a problem with the minds as they watched us go through our little routine. Who on earth would give up everything on God's earth to keep stress smelling like a damn grower? So that part of it, they accept it. His idea was something very unique, that there's something physically wrong with us when it comes to alcohol. And what he said is that we have this allergy that produces a craving. What happens when an alcoholic starts drinking? If we have a couple of drinks, the allergy kicks in, the craving develops, and what do we do? No intellectuals Please, what happens when an alcoholic starts drinking? They get drunk once in a while, right? Every damn time. And if you can't drink without getting drunk, then what is it? It's alcoholism. And what medical science tells us is it's our liver and pancreas that is the problem. Just like diabetes is a problem in the pancreas, alcoholism is a cousin to it because both the liver and the pancreates do not produce the chemicals necessary to have lecithin all through our body. If anybody wants a chemical breakdown, let me know and I'll be happy to give it to you. But he goes ahead and he says these allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. Some of you are pretty ingenious. Anybody here ever try to get by on Listerine? Not you, Brad. You and I have both been in the same tank, so... If it pours, Brad and I both have had a sum of it sometime. Anybody try vanilla extract? Did you, Kathy? God, I'm going to give you a gold star. I can go down the list of things we can pick up in a drugstore or grocery store Sunday morning at 10 o'clock off the pharmacy that have alcohol in them. And thank goodness the federal government says if there's alcohol in it, it's got to be noticed on the label. So if you're going to get something and it pours, look on the lab and make sure that alcohol is not present. Another thing we have to be very mindful of is over the past few years, a few years my God, and a long time, we have something else we have been very mindful about. It's called prescription drugs. One of the things that has happened I've got a Well, I may ask in a minute But anyway We go in and see a doctor Because we're restless, irritable, and discontented And he wants us to feel good And like him as a doctor So he gives us some med pills To take care of that, right? Originally it was Libri Then came Valium Now Xanax Without embarrassing anybody How many here are pretty well hooked on XanaX? Hell, this is a very small number considering Normally I get that many in there at a foundation meeting. But the problem has developed into one that's very, very serious because anything that is of an opiate nature is dangerous to alcoholics. We're responsible for our sobriety, so if you go to a doctor, dentist, or anybody prescribed, make sure they understand that you are an alcoholic. And if you tell them that, they're going to put a red label on the front of your folder that says E-T-O-H when it indicates you're an alcoholic, and they'll be responsible from that point on. Let's go on down to the last paragraph. Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. Men and woman drink essentially because they love the effect. Alcoholic men and women drink essentially because we love the affect produced by alcohol. Have you ever thought about how much you love that stuff? What, all of you gave up to get it one more time? Boy, it's spooky, isn't it? But if you want to know the effect we got, because you ask an alcoholic why they drank, what's the normal answer? I don't know. And then those good Al-Anons make liars out of us by saying, yes, you do, and we had to give them a reason, so by God, we did. Page 84. No, 83. I'm sorry. That last paragraph says, we're painstaking about this phase of our development. We'll be amazed before we're halfway through. We're going to know a new freedom, and new happiness will not regret the past. We shall shut the door on it and we'll comprehend the Word and that serenity will know peace. This is a promise of what happens if we take the steps and we're not getting into taking the steps tonight except accepting the reality of our problem. And so what we're going to do is put the words, when I had a few drinks in front of these promises. When I had few drinks, I knew a new freedom and a new happiness. When I have a few drink, I didn't regret the pastor. We shall shutter the door. now if you're a real good alcoholic you've had some of those fun experiences starting out here and winding up there with anywhere between hours and days gone between and you finally find out what you've done and you're so embarrassed and so ashamed of yourself, you swear to God nobody will ever know what happened last night, last week or whatever it was wind up in a bar that night or the next night, have a couple of drinks, see some poor lonely soul sitting down at the end of the bar and we buy them a drink and tell them what happened Can't keep us from doing something. When I had a few drinks, I'd comprehend the words for any of my new people. Don't we? When I hade a few dranks, no matter how far down the scale I'd gone, I could see how my experience could benefit others. I say you've all been there. Your buddy got out of jail or just got divorce papers and started sobbing until we say, oh hell, do you think he's got a problem? Let me tell you about mine and we'll tell them our whole life story and they didn't want to hear it. How about the next one? When I had a few drinks, that feeling of uselessness and self-centeredness would disappear. Dry, how do you feel? Miserable. Full of self-pity. Give us three drinks and what happens? Man, everything's peachy keen. It couldn't be any better. And I'm not feeling sorry for me. I'm just feeling sorry if you suckers ain't got what I've got. I don't know what it is, but I really want more of it. when I had a few drinks I lost interest in selfish things gained interest in my fellows well in the early days yeah I did at first it was about three drinks and I wanted to buy everybody in the bar a drink when I ate a few drinks self-seeking would slip away when I'd have a few more when I've had a couple of drinks my whole attitude and outlook upon life changed sure did from being a halfway decent guy to a Dr. Jekyll really a totally different person When I had a few drinks, fewer people and economic insecurity would leave me. How many of you would go before Alcoholics Anonymous would go to a party without any booze in you? Mm-hmm. If you wound up in a bunch of so-so folks and didn't have any boozes in you, what were the two thoughts you had? Number one, where the hell's the door? Number two, where's the drink? Right? Either let me out of here or let me have a drink because I can't stand these people. Give us three drinks and we've got to explain something to somebody and they're going to hear it whether they want to or not, right? If you happen to be at one of those functions where dancing is going on, can you get a dry alcoholic on the dance floor? Give them three drinks and the band went home and they are still out there dancing. I ain't through yet tonight. How about financial insecurity? Cold, sober. There are the bills. I missed a few days of work last month because of my flu. Well, the paycheck's down, but the bills are the same. I'm worried what am I going to do? I'm going to go have a couple of drinks. Do we worry about it? I think one of the best stories we have is the old Bill story. We lost these, went from having a good bit of money in the stock market in October 1929 and came in and looked at the ticker tape and found out he was $60,000 in debt. I was five years old when that happened. I remember vividly the extras that came out from the paper, people jumping to their death from buildings. Jumping out of buildings committing suicide, flattening themselves over the sidewalk and pavement. That still gives me a chill when I think about it. What did Bill do? He went back to the bar. He had a solution. Hell, tomorrow's another day, right? He had his solution. How about the next one? When I had a few drinks, I intuitively knew how to handle situations that used to baffle me. We've become absolute geniuses with a couple of drinks, don't we? Amazing. The last sentence says, we'll suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves. This is the promise of our program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And sometimes we get talking about God a little bit prematurely, but we don't have to worry about it. It is not necessary that we have any conviction there is a God of any kind. And we'll get into that in a moment. The only thing we must have is a desire, a burning desire to never take another drink and be willing to pay the price. So let's go back to the doctor's opinion. Are you with me on that one? Next sentence says, This sensation is so elusive that while we admit it's injurious, we cannot after a time differentiate the truth from the false. Yes, it is. This sensation is elusive. What we do for bread, you ask any alcoholic why they drank and they'll give you the honest answer, I don't know. Now we can look at page 83 and 84 and see this is what happened when we drank. This is what happens in the way we thought and the way that we felt. A complete change in the ways we thought and the ways that we feel. But we didn't know it. We just knew we had to drink. And we admit it's injurious. I looked at that as the physical injuries and Joe said no clip it's much broader than that we're talking about the problems that you encounter as an alcoholic how many of you in here have had a public intoxication how many here have had a DWI how many gals in here decided the cop didn't know what they were doing and whipped up on them got a drunken disorder oh come on no you're not a ladybred Guys normally don't have enough guts to do that, but the gals do. How many have been to a treatment for alcoholism? How many of you have been hospitalized because of alcoholism ? How many who've wrecked a car because of Alcoholism ? How many lost a job because of Alchoholism ? How many have lost some friends because of alcoholism? Don, you can put your hand down and take a picture. How many of you have lost a family or two because of alcoholism. How many have lost your self-respect? How many have lost your freedom? How many of these do we have to collect before we feel qualified to come to Alcoholics Anonymous? Now if you haven't got enough to feel like you got a good story go ahead and lie a little bit it's okay we just want you to stay here and learn to live sober. The last part of that says we cannot after a time differentiate the truth from the false. These guys are back in New England and they had a little bit of English in their language. To not be able to differentiate the truth and the false is simply we've got a mind that can no longer depend on to tell us the truth when it comes to drinking. Does that bother you? It ought to. One of the great things about this program of ours is it helps us understand clearly exactly what our problem is. Come on down to that... I'm worried I've got myself lost here a moment. Oh, hell, the page flips what happened to him. He said to them, our alcoholic lives seem to be the only. We're restless, irritable and discontented unless we can again experience that sense of ease and comfort that comes about once by taking a few drinks. Drinks which we see others taking with impunity. But after we have succumbed to that desire so many of us have done and so manyof us in our fellowship today will do, the phenomenon of craving develops as we pass through the well-known stage of free emerging remorseful with a firm resolution. The nice latham of every alcoholic on God's earth, Honey, I'll never do it again, so help me God. And we mean it. We mean it, God, we mean it. But look at the last sentence. This is repeated over and over. Unless you and I as hopeless alcoholics can experience an entire psychic change, we are not going to survive alcoholism. Why is that? Because what we described on page 83 and 84 was the entire psychic change. And we can get that as a result of two or three drinks. Our subconscious mind, so far as we can underdetermine. It's going to insist that we get this psychic change and we're given a choice. We can get it out of the bottle or we can get out of The Big Book. And again, don't forget and leave out the autumn. Here we go. One of the things that I find so interesting is the lack of understanding about step one. Now, if I can't drink without getting drunk, am I powerless over alcohol? Am I or am I not? Does anybody have a problem with that? That is the power. We are powerless over alcoholic physics. not people places and things although I was buying into that until Joe said well that's your problem Cliff you need to go to PPTA so I'll say it now but this is the powerlessness physical powerlessness that allergy how many in here alcoholics said I will never ever drink again so help me God and you really meant it if you could manage that decision would you be here tonight What does not being able to balance a checkbook or find the car keys or any of this nonsense have to do with coming to Alcoholics Anonymous? Why are we here? Because we made a decision. I am never, ever going to drink again, so help me God and I'm in. If I could manage that decision, would I have any excuse on God's earth to come to Alcoholic Anonymous. How many of you have heard or been told, don't drink and go to meetings? Does that make sense to anybody here? If you had the choice of not drinking, what the hell would you come to this bunch of losers for? There's no excuse for it. Second half of step one says sadly, our life is unmanageable. I am unable to manage that decision or resist the first drink. Sixteen years after my last drink, it's not a cloud in the sky. Driving 70 miles for a sick pack of beer after having almost died seven times, is that insane? That is the insanity of alcoholism. It's the fittest insanity. And that is the definition of an alcoholic mind. And if we have an alcoholic mind, then our life is unmanageable where we've got alcohol and we are powerless mentally over alcohol. Now we're screwed. There are people in this world who know that they drink, they're going to get drunk and they can't help it. And they don't like sobering up because it's painful so you can't get them to drink. They just don't want what they have to experience. And then you get fools like me that's given every reason on God's earth to never take another drink and I can't manage the decision. I'm totally unable to manage that decision or resist that first drink. That is the unmanageability of alcoholism. And one of the best stories we have to help us with that is over on page 32. Remember on page 30, Bill said we learned we had to fully concede our innermost self for alcoholics. Middle of the page, it said a man of 30 was doing a great deal with free drinking. He was very nervous in the morning and after these bouts and quieted himself with more liquor. Anybody recognize that one? Wake up just a little bit vibrating. A little bit vibrating. If you're vibrating so bad, they'll throw you out of bed. But he said what he did was he was ambitious seed in business but saw that he'd get nowhere if he drank at all because once he started, he had no control whatever. Was he powerless over alcohol? You got it? He made up his mind that until he had been successful in business and retired, he would not touch another drop. How many of you ever said you'll do it one more time? I want to make sure I'm preaching to the right group tonight. I'll never drink again. An exceptional man. He remained bone dry. Let's see. Except for one man, he remained bone dry for 25 years, retired at the age of 55 after a successful and happy business career. We've got four more lessons to learn. One is we've seen the powerlessness. We see that this guy, is his life unmanageable at age 25? Or age 30, excuse me. No, it isn't. He is able to manage that decision. For 25 years his life was not unmanagable. Powerless over alcohol? Physically, yes. Powerless over his mind? Mentally, no. And it's so important we recognize this one thing. But the four other lessons we're going to get is that alcoholism is patient, it is permanent, it is progressive, and it also is deathly lethal. It comes on down, he said, then he fell victim in eight or nine lines up from the bottom on page 32. Then he fell victim to a belief which frankly every alcoholic has. These long periods of sobriety and self-discipline had qualified him to drink as other men. Out came his carpet slippers and a bottle. Patient, very, very patient. The insidious insanity of alcoholism. In two months he was hospitalized and puzzled and humiliated. Two months he Was far worse than he had been 25 years previously. So it is not only patient, permanent, and progressive. He said then gathering all his forces, he attempted to stop altogether and found he could not. So his ability to manage that decision at age 30 has gone at age 55. Every means of solving a problem which money could buy was at his disposal. Today we say go to the treatment center. Every attempt failed. though a robust man at retirement he went to pieces quickly and was dead within four years those six lessons out of this one story are so helpful to the newcomer when we start working with them to help them begin to recognize the two very distinct parts of step one until they can say to their innermost self that this is their situation we are going to do them a real disfavor if we go on into any part of our recovery And I see an awful lot of people beginning to do that, even before they start describing step one. Go on over to... Look at the problem. We've got something here called a solution. This is step one We have a solution It's called step two Step two has a promise to begin with. It says we came to believe that there is a power greater than ourselves which can restore us to sanity. Can, no couldn't. The promise is we don't have to believe anybody. We came to belief. that there is some kind of power that can restore us to sanity. And again, people say I'm not insane again. I'll say if you say it made up your mind you'll never drink again, you did. Cold, sober, walk into a liquor store or bar after that promise. Yeah, you're crazy as hell. There is an insanity in what alcohol is. Anybody disagree? This is it. It's just so utterly simple and yet we complicate this thing so much in our meetings. The newcomer comes in really confused and stays confused because we scatter him with all this other stuff. We come to believe that there is a power within ourselves which will restore us to sanity. The sanity is, the cold's over, I'm not going to walk into a liquor store or bar anymore. That that need has been removed. And how do I start with this thing, William? How did Bill Scarborough say this, remember? Bill had been pronounced hopeless. Dr. Selfworth told him, you've got to, within a short period of time, you're going to have DTs and die of a heart attack or you're really going to become a wet dream. Terrified Bill. But Bill finally, after getting drunk one more time, big time, made up his mind he was ready to die. He couldn't take it any longer than how many of us have been there. And along about Thanksgiving, 1934, a guy named Abbey, Bill's old drinking buddy, that Bill knew had a horrible drinking problem. Bill looked at him any number of times and said, Man, if I ever get that bad, I'm going to quit. But here Abbey shows up two months old. And Bill looks at him and he says, What? I invited him in. He said, Let's have a drink. And Abbey said, No thanks, Bill. I don't have to do that anymore. Bill was desperate to learn how to live sober and Abby says I found a solution I found God and what did Bill do he said you're a crackpot you're nuts you go ahead and do your talking and I'm going to do the drinking I've got two quarts one for you one for me now it's all mine so just have a bowl and Abby went ahead and talked to him and what he told him was you don't have to believe in God, just develop your own conception. Whatever you choose to believe might be the case. And Bill said, okay, I'll give some thought to it. He didn't tell everything. But over the next two weeks, Bill continued to drink. In fact, he even went down to the mission where Abby was staying and found out that these guys had something going. Before he got there, he and the pen wound up and stopped at every bar along the way so he was potted by the time he got through. But on December 11, 1935, Bill came to, realizing he was going into D2s. And recognizing that that was happening, and remembering Dr. Silkworth said you're going to die of a heart attack during D2S, Bill grabbed two beers, drank one on the way to the hospital, had it in his hand, and waved it at the doctor when he got there, saying, Doc, I've got something. And Dr. Silverworth says, Yes, young man, you sure do. Let's get you back in there. what happened was that Eddie's call on him gave them hope. Isn't that where we start? I am a hopeless alcoholic. I heard a recovered alcoholic tell their story. And so years ago, our meetings were just about that. They were speaker meetings where somebody would get up who had recovered and tell what their life was like, what happened to them and what their lives are like now as a result of having adopted our program as a way of life. And from that hope then, they can start taking a look at what was required. You want to go back and take a look at Bill's story? Let's go to page 8. First paragraph. No words can tell the loneliness and despair I found and that bitter morass of self-pity quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I was overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master. Does that sound like step one, total surrender? Did he understand it? Nope. No, he didn't. All he knew was that he was totally whipped. And where does step one take place? Out there while we're drinking. We don't have a clue what the problem is. We only know we've got to drink. We come in here and hopefully we'll find somebody that understands this thing and will do for us what Dr. Silkworth did for Bill. What'd he do for him? Dr. Sirk Silkworth explained to Bill the exact nature of alcoholism. He explained that he had the allergy that produced a craving and once he started drinking, that he was in deep, deep trouble. He also explained that because of something that nobody quite understood, he had a mind he could never again rely on to keep him from taking that first drink. And he was a hopeless case. And within a year or so, he would either die of a heart attack or become a wet brain. Totally, totally hopeless. But Abbey came in and gave him the hope. And on page 12, there's where we see that happen. Middle of the page is where I've already recited. My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. Why don't you choose your own conception of God? Whatever you want it to be, It could be no more than me if that's what you want it to be as a guy that you heard tell the story. But he said, That statement hit me hard and melted the ice of the intellectual mountains in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last. It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. It doesn't say I'm going to believe. It says I need to be willing to bleed. I saw that growth could start from that point upon a foundation and complete willingness I might have what I saw in my friend. Complete willingness. That's all it requires. If the desire to quit drinking is strong enough and you have a willingness to follow directions, you will recover. If you're going to be celibate in the program and sit in meetings, the odds are exceedingly great that you're gonna be those large statistics and be right back out there drinking again well normally within less than a year. Next paragraph says, Thus I was convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough. At long last I saw, I felt, I believed. And therefore, Bill took step two. Now let's go over to page 13. At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Creep and seem twice where I showed signs of delirium tremens. When did he go to the hospital? December the 11th, 1934. That afternoon. There I humbly offered myself to God as I then understood Him to do with me as He would. Bill didn't precede this by telling you what happened. He went in on the hospital on the 11th, on the 14th, three days later, remembering what Abby had told him. He called Abby and he said, Abby, please come see me one more time. Tell me again what it is you did. And Abby, of course, was more than delighted to do that. Now, one of the things that Abby did for him would just simply lay out these simple rules that he had picked up from the opera group. And as soon as Abby left the room, Bill got on his knees and said, if there is a God, let He show Himself now. And Bill had his vital spiritual experience on the third day of his sobriety as he humbly offered himself. But he said, I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing, that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my newfound friend take away root and branch. I haven't had a drink since. Did it work? Yeah, but he only lived 36 more years and never had another drink because he began his recovery on the third day of his sobriety. Look here, my schoolmate visited me and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. What we're looking at here is if you extrapolate this thing a little bit, you can find the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and what Debbie passed on to Bill. They weren't there then, but we can see that this, in essence, is what happened. Abby again made the trip back to the hospital and sat down for two days to help Bill understand what he had to do and help him take that action. Down to the last paragraph, he said, My friend promised when these things were done I'd enter upon a new relationship with my creator that I would have the elements of a new way of living which answered all my problems. Gee, I thought I was in here to not drink. Well, he said, we've got a hell of a deal here, kid. We'll take care of your drink and then we'll take care of all the rest of your problems if you're willing to pay the price. And we'll find that promise again and again. Belief in the power of God plus enough willingness, honesty, and humility. Willingness, honesty, and humility to establish and maintain a new order of things were the essential requirements. Single but not easy as Christ had to be paid. Some people call this thing a gift. Well, this is a gift you pay six bucks for. This is the only gift we're given. A set of directions on how we can survive the deadliest disease known to mankind. He said, I must turn in all things. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must return in all thanks to the Father of life who presides over us all. And again, I can't tell you how many times during the week when one of the kids calls and I have to remind them what part of all do you not understand? We'll get into that a little bit next week. But these were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never known. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up as though the great clean wind of a mountaintop blew through and through me. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact upon me was sudden and profound. For a moment, I was alarmed and called the doctor to see if I'd lost my mind. Well, remember, that was the other choice. Either you're going to get to die of a heart attack or you're gonna become a wet brain. He didn't die of an heart attack, so have I lost my head? Dr. Silkworth looked at him, shaking his head, and said, Something has happened to you I don't understand, but you had better hang on to it. Want to try this next sentence on for yourself? Anything's better than the way you were. Anybody ever said that to you? Take a look at step two one more time. One of the things we're missing so dramatically in our fellowship today are speaker meetings where recovered alcoholics stand up and tell us what they were like, what happened, and what they are like now. The sad part of it is we have so very few speaker meetings, but the sadder part of the thing is the sad part part of this is that most of them who stand behind the podium don't have a clue what the program's about. I just got a CD that Myers passed on to me from one of our buddies, and he starts off saying, the big book tells him to tell it what it was like, what happened, what it's like now, and he wants a critique so he'll be getting an answer on that one. Fifty minutes of drunk log, he finally made it to a, it's okay in the early days, but as we get involved in the program, let's cut down the drinking and get into what this thing's about and what life is like as a result of having done some. We paid a hell of a price to get here. And I can assure you that drinking alcohol, if not drinking alcohol is the least of them. Oh, you don't believe it? Okay, let's go to page 19. I didn't write the book. I just read it. A lot of people want to challenge me and if you want to challenge Bill Wilson you're going to have to go somewhere else. Five lines down from the top was to say we feel that elimination of drinking is but a beginning. Oh, really? Lord, I spent years thinking that's what I came to AA for because I wasn't drinking and everything was cool until I drove 70 miles for a sick pack. A much more important demonstration of not drinking is practicing our 12 steps and our 12 traditions in our homes, occupations, and affairs. And some of you with a weird mind, if you ain't got an affair, don't get one. and that's not what we're talking about. You got it? The program is about living. The qualification and the price of admission is a desire to stop drinking. And once we get here, we will find that we can do that. But we also find if we don't get off our rears and take the walk at first 100 to lay down for us, we will be back out there with that 95% plus drinking one more time. Step two says we will come to believe. The power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity. What's step three? A decision. What decision did Bill make when Abby showed up? Abby, will you show me what you did? We call them sponsors today, don't we? What did Dr. Bob do when Bill showed up 15 minutes? Is all Dr. Bobs going to let him have? Bill did what we're required to do for the first time. He talked about alcoholism and how he knew about it. and Dr. Bob said I'll be damned I'm hopeless what did you do Bill will you show me who became Dr. Bo's sponsor Bill Dotson AA number 3 back on page 158 Bill and Dr Bob go out and visit with him the third day he said man if it works for you maybe it'll work for me tell me what you do will you show me what you're doing you see in reality we make a great big complicated thing out of step two and three. Step two is a hope this thing might work for me. Step three is going to a recovered alcoholic and say, will you be my sponsor? The one question you want to ask them before you turn your will and life over to their care and direction. Have you had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps? It's a program of rigorous honesty. I'm placing my life in your hands. Are you qualified to be responsible for my life? And we'll bang the hell out of that when the last night I'm here if God lets me come back. I don't know if anybody has told you they love you today, but I do. And next week we're going to begin to get into recovery as outlined in the big book. Thank you.