The Big Book and the Compulsion to Drink – Big Book Workshop – Part 1 of 3 – Paul F.

Would you please help me open today's session with a moment of silent meditation, and please allow me to offer a prayer. When I conclude that prayer, I will be finishing it with the serenity prayer, at which time feel free to join me. Thank you. God, thank you for allowing us to come together and pray in this way. And thank you for providing us a place that we can come together. We would like to thank you for those beautiful 12 steps in that book, and thank you for allowing each and every one of us for being sober during this day. And God, we thank you for that air that you give us to breathe, the food in our stomachs, the clothing on our backs and the shelter over our heads. We humbly ask for your guidance, your care, direction, and wisdom as we walk through these 12 steps today. And God please set aside everything that we think we know about ourselves, the book sobriety, the steps in you God and God please help each and every one of us to have an open mind today so that we may have a new experience and discover the truth God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference Amen I'm Paul Fisher, and I'm an alcoholic. And I would like to welcome all of you to the Big Book workshop, where in the next four weeks we will be taking the 12 steps as outlined in the Big book of Alcoholics Anonymous in order to recover from alcoholism. We will be using the Big Books exclusively. I will not be using any other text during this workshop. I may make periodic reference to materials that were used to writing the big book. So we are going to be solely relying on the recipe outlined in this book. I will be sharing my experiences with you with the 12 steps, and I will also be sharing with you information that I've received from various AA archivists and AA old-timers during the time that I've been sober. My experience shows me that if we follow the recipe in this book, you are guaranteed to be free from alcoholism. And basically what that means is that we are guaranteed to have the compulsion to drink removed. And that's what's happened to me as a result of going through these steps. In the early 40s, there weren't enough sponsors to go around. And what they did at that time was they put together these sessions. And they would bring people together and they would take them through these four one-hour or one-and-a-half-hour sessions and take them Through the Twelve Steps. Now, at that time, they did this before they took them to their first meeting. Look back at what it was like when you went to your first meeting Remember all of the Greek that you were hearing in meetings? That's what I call it because it sounded like Chinese I didn't understand what people were talking about Imagine what it would be like having gone through all 12 steps Already having done an inventory actively making your amends, doing daily prayer and meditation, doing a daily evening review and you go to your first meeting and you fully understand what everybody is talking about now at that time they had a 75% success rate in their meetings especially in the Cleveland and Akron area my understanding is that it is nowhere near that today. The estimations that have been given range between 2 and 20%, depending on what state you go to. So basically, what I'm going to be doing in the next four weeks is I'm simply going to share with you how I was taken through the 12 steps, and basically how they did the steps in the early 40s. And I was guaranteed that I would be free if I follow the recipe outlined in that book. I'm not going to stand here in the next four weeks and challenge anybody. I am not here to challenge you. I m not here to tell you how you should be doing the steps, how you should be do sobriety. I simply here to share with you my own experience and how the instructions are laid out in that book. That's the reason I use what's called the set-aside prayer at the beginning of these sessions. You will find the set aside prayer in its essence in the big book. You will not find it verbatim, but basically what the set side prayer does is I'm asking God to set aside everything that I think I know. so whether you are new or whether you've been around for a while I can guarantee you two things if you will approach these 12 steps with an open mind you are guaranteed to have a new experience and you will discover some truth about yourself it's guaranteed that if you do that it's very common to see people come into this workshop people with double digit sobriety being sponsored by someone who's only been sober a couple of months because what we're about to do in a few moments is I'm going to pair you off with someone who has already taken the steps in this way. So we're being asked to have an open mind. So it does not matter how long you've been sober. If you have not done the steps in this manner, I encourage you to have an open heart and an open mind. It never ceases to amaze me how many people I'm approached by after these sessions. People with long-term sobriety who haven't had the experience that they experienced in this workshop. It's not because what I'm doing is unique. It's simply because there is a recipe in this book, and if we follow this recipe, we will experience what the authors are experiencing providing we do what the others are doing. This is not a guarantee I'm making up. It's in the book. The book guarantees it. So I'm encouraging you to have an open mind. So the first thing we're going to do, we're going to pair everyone off, but before we do, you have a handout entitled For the Newcomers and For the Sponsors. Why don't you go ahead and pull that out? The first section is entitled For The Newcomer and For The Sponsor's. It says your primary obligation is to be here every week. If you do not have transportation, your sponsor will help you make the necessary arrangements. We realize some of you are in no condition to read the big book at this time. Therefore, we will read the appropriate parts of the big book to you. For those of you who have brought big books and are able to follow along, please do so. We will announce each passage by page number and paragraph before we read it. If you are unable to read the book, please participate by listening. Keep in mind that if you do what we ask you to do, which is to take the steps as described in the big book, you will recover from alcoholism. Although a written inventory is part of the fourth step, that doesn't mean you have to do the writing. The person who is sponsoring you through these sessions can either help you write your inventory or he or she can write it for you. The reason that is put in there is because at that time that they had these sessions in their early 40s. There were a lot of people who couldn't read, and there were people who couldn't write. Okay, for the sponsors, your time commitment to the newcomer is four to five weeks. After that, both you and the newcomER will be expected to sponsor other people through the sessions. During the next month, call or visit the newcomер frequently to see how he or she is doing and to offer encouragement and moral support. Make sure you and the newcomer attend all the sessions together Offer to help the newcomor with his or her four-step If necessary, write the inventory based on what the newcomber tells you Remember, the newcommer is still very sick And may not be able to complete the inventory without your assistance Make yourself available to answer any questions The newcomer may have about the AA program Okay, so let's go ahead and pair off Everybody that is here to take the 12 steps, please stand. Okay, now that we're paired off, let's get started. I don't know if you're aware of this, but the authors spend 43 pages on step one. We have heard in our meetings that we read the first 164 pages, correct? There's a lot of good information in those pages. The instructions for taking the 12 steps are contained in the first 103. So out of 103 pages, 43 of those pages are devoted to step one. That's almost half of the book. You add the eight pages in the doctor's opinion, which is primarily step one, that makes it 51 pages. The authors spend 19 pages on steps two and three. they devote 20 pages to steps four through nine that's six steps and then they devote 19 pages to steps 10 11 12 step 12 has a whole chapter devoted to it that's pretty interesting isn't it why did the authors devote half of the book to step one my understanding based on my own experience is because that is the foundation of my sobriety. It's like construction. When you build a house, the first thing we do is lay down a foundation. Now, if I take shortcuts or use faulty materials in that foundation, I'm going to continually have difficulty with the structure. I'm gonna be constantly going back repairing the door jams and windows and walls and et cetera, et cetera until I go back and establish that foundation. I didn't know that during the time that I was going to meetings. See, I'm a retread. I'm an elapser. I bounced in and out of these rooms for 12 years. And I went to a lot of meetings. And I couldn't stay sober. And I thought there was something wrong with your program. Now, there were a couple of minor details I overlooked that I didn't feel were that important. Things like the 12 steps, getting a sponsor, reading the book, establishing a relationship with a higher power. See, I came in here with the attitude that I was smarter than everybody else in the room and I could get more out of the program than you and do less. i was one of those people who showed up late and left early and i had a lot of opinions and you needed to hear every one of them basically what happened was in that 12-year period i was going to meetings giving opinions on experiences i never had never did a four-step but when the topic four-stepped came yeah yeah well this is what i think about the fourth step prayer meditation yeah this is what i think about that yeah making those minutes yeah this is what you need to do and blah blah blah i had no experience i hadnoexperience thing i love about going through the steps is gaining new experience and hearing your experience because what that does for me is that gives me hope can i get a lot of hope in in conducting this workshop I received no money for this I do this for a couple of reasons number one to give back what was so freely given to me and to watch others recover right in front of me to watch the spiritual awakening happen and there's no experience that can compare to that it is truly beautiful to watch the light bulb come on watch the compulsion to drink leave you know it's pretty easy to spot who's doing step work in our meetings they're pretty easy to spot those people because not everybody is here to take the 12 steps so every time I go to a meeting not everybody in that room is here but you can always spot those people who are doing step work on a regular basis they typically show up with new teeth jobs haircuts talking about how wonderful things are changing in their lives I remember the first time I went to a meeting and I talked about I got a job we alcoholics make such a big deal out of everything well you're supposed to have a job but it was such a great deal it was a big thing to me I paid my phone bill i've never been so excited about that and my spouse went uh-huh yeah what else it's like don't you get it i paid my bills there was a time before you know before i got sober i didn't have any bills that's because i didn'T have anything you know i heard people about losing cars and losing homes I couldn't relate to that. I didn't have a car. I didn' t have a home. People were telling me to sleep someplace else. So I couldn' t relate to that stuff. But the point is, as a result of coming in here and following the recipe in this book, my life began to change. And you see, that's what happened to me when I came back to these rooms in 1981. A sponsor found me. I didn't find him and he came up to me and he only asked me one question he said do you have a sponsor and I said no and he said well you do now we sat down and we talked and after finding out a little bit about my drinking he knew what direction to take after having some more information about me basically what he did was he took me through these steps in less than six weeks now the first time i went through the steps i was convinced that they would not work you see one of the biggest fears i had when i came back to this program in 1981 was that it was not going to work for me because i saw it working for you i could see it in your faces i could hear it in your smiles i could here in your laughter and the love and the camaraderie and the companionship that you shared in meetings so i was convincing it was working for u but i was utterly convinced It was not going to work for me. So that was one of my biggest fears. And then something happened to me when I came back in 1981. I had an experience that had not occurred before. I became afraid of something I never feared before. And that thing that I became scared of and that I was afraid of was me. I became worried of me for the first time in my life. I was worried I was going to screw it up. I was scared I was gonna mess up this thing. So he took me through these steps, and he cut me loose. Of course, I went to meetings, and I got a lot of flack from people. He said, you haven't been sober long enough. You need to stay sober at least a year before you can sponsor someone. Where does it say that in our book? It has been my experience that if it is not in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it is NOT AlcoholicsAnonymous. Can you imagine what it would have been like when Bill Wilson carried the message of hope to Dr. Bob and Dr. Bob said, by the way, how long have you been sober? We wouldn't be here. You know how long Dr. Bob was sober when he carried the message to the first suffering alcoholic? Two days. He was sober two days. Dr. Bob typically took people through the steps in two days so they were dealing with people who came in with the desperation of a drowning man. See, I'm the real alcoholic that we're going to be talking about today. I'm not a hard drinker. I am a real alcoholic. What that means is I need to get through the steps very quickly. I need get through them now because I need to get to that power because I have no power to stay sober. And my sponsor thankfully understood that. So he took me through the steps very quickly and then cut me loose and said, okay, now go out and start taking other people through the stairs. I was so afraid. I'm afraid I was going to kill someone. He said, you have experience with what on how to take the 12 steps. You've had a spiritual awakening. The compulsion to drink was removed for me. And for those of you that are new that are going through the sets and you keep wondering when the spiritual experience or spiritual awakening is going to happen for you just stop and ask yourself this do you have a compulsion to drink or in your case use that is the spiritual experience and that's what happened to me so that's What we're going to do today we're gonna be covering step one in the second session we're Going to be covering steps two three and four in the third session we'll be covering steps 5 through 9 and in the fourth session we will be covering steps 10, 11, 12 you will be doing an inventory with a person you've been paired off with you will not be presenting your inventory in here so relax you don't have to share it with all of us just some of us you know it's important as we do this work, you know, not to take ourselves seriously. And that's what Doing the Steps has done for me. In addition to removing the compulsion to drink, it's taught me to lighten up, not take myself so seriously. And there's one really important reason why we must not take ourselves seriously, and that is because we are the joke. It's us. We're the punchline, okay? All right. Okay, let's get started. You have a handout entitled Questions on Beliefs in AA. Go ahead and pull that out. Going over this, this is where arrogance shows itself. There are people in this workshop who have done this workshop before and they think they know the answer to these questions. What they don't know is that we have a whole new set of questions. Because I'm looking around the crowd here, and I see a lot of you who don't have the handout in your hand who have done this workshop before. Oh, I know the answer to those questions. I don't need that. Aren't we funny? Okay. What we're going to do is we're going to answer these true or false at the beginning of the workshop and at the end of the workshop. The purpose of this is to give you an opportunity to examine what you believe to be true. These are common things that I've heard in meetings. Some of them may be true, some of them may be false. No need to answer out loud. Just go ahead and write down on your paper true or false. I'll go over them quickly. If we are planning to stop drinking, all we have to do is not drink one day at a time. I've heard that lots of times. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. Once I take the steps, I will have a partnership with my higher power. Once I fully understand God, I will be free from my alcoholism. True or false? The big book is the only book I need to read. I've read that lots if times. I wonder if it's truth. It is not necessary to do step four more than once. Heard that one a whole lot. Maybe it's true. We can win the confidence of another alcoholic by relating to their experiences. Our purpose in sobriety is to get back into the mainstream of life. There are many different ways you can work this program. Heard about that one lots of times. Maybe that's true. Our sobriety is our greatest possession. The authors of the big book encourage us to drink. That can't be true. This is AA. Our main focus needs to be on the alcoholic, not on their family. It takes a long time to recover from alcoholism. I've heard that one my entire sorority. That one must be true. The steps are not required, they are suggested. Going to meetings and not drinking is vital to our recovery. Our common suffering is what holds us together. okay let's see who wants to be free from alcoholism so anybody here that wants that yeah okay we're going to start by turning to the table of contents and try finding a chapter entitled the 12 promises The 12 promises. Did you find that chapter? Are you having difficulty finding it? If you're having difficulty finding it, it's because it's not in there. I go to meetings and I see those 12 promises up on the wall and those statements give me a lot of hope. Do they give you hope? Yeah, me too. You know, I'm going to be able to handle situations which used to baffling, and so on and so forth. So a promise is basically any statement that gives you hope because that's what those statements are. They're statements of hope. Turn to the cover page of the book. The cover page where the very first thing on it is Alcoholics Anonymous. This is what it looks like. Notice what the authors say on this page. Alcoholics Anonymous, the story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism. Does that give you hope? That gives me hope too. What I learned as a result of my sponsor taking me through this list of instructions in this book is I discovered that all the steps have promises with the exception of step one. The promises are not located on page 83 and 84. Those are called the nine-step promises, and we'll be talking about those in the third session. So anytime you go through the book and you find a statement that gives you hope, that's a promise. Okay. We're going to go to the doctor's opinion. and we're going to go to the the bottom of roman numeral 25 which is xxv if you have a fourth edition big book it will be roman numerel 27 which will be xxvii if it's a third edition big bookit will be in roman numerald 25 whichis xx v so we're on page roman numereal 25 last line of the page and here Dr. Silkworth says of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor physical so you see craving is not mental it is physical what happens between my ears is called mental obsession I find it interesting that the big book authors have done an excellent job of segmenting the physical aspect of my alcoholism and the mental aspect, which is mental obsession. In other words, they spend pages 1 to 23 on the physical condition of alcoholism and page 23 to 43 on mental obsession." Now, if you jump over here to Roman numeral 27, which would be Roman numerel 29 in the fourth edition. Third line from the bottom of the page. So I'm on Roman numerald XXVII. Dr. Silkworth says they took a drink a day or so prior to that, to the date. Now notice what he's saying. He's not saying the person had a craving and drank. He said they took a drink, and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other interests. So in other words, in these two short lines, Dr. Silkworth is letting us know what craving is. It's physical. It's not mental. It's impossible for me to experience craving unless I put alcohol in my body. so let's go back to the page we were on before which is roman numeral 26 xxvi fourth edition would be 28 paragraph one he says we believe in those suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy Well, I need to know what an allergy is. He's saying that the alcoholic has an abnormal reaction to alcohol. That's what allergy means. I looked it up in the dictionary. It means abnormal reaction. So what I'm going to be doing in the next four weeks in these sessions is I'm not going to assume that you are an alcoholic. That would be arrogant of me to do so. I'm going to give you the dignity of discovering the truth about your own experience. Notice I didn't say, I'm gonna give you the dignity discovering your truth. Because if your truth is anything like mine it's pretty distorted. So that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna be given the dignity of discovering truth about our drinking experiences. Let's find out first if we are an alcoholic. Let me explain to you why it's essential that we do that. You see, if I'm clear about my experience with drinking, then I can transmit that. Then I can help another person gain clarity with their experience with their drinking. Now, let's assume that I haven't been given the opportunity of being taken through the book in this manner. And my sponsor just assumes that I'm an alcoholic. He's probably going to assume that because he wasn't given the clarity either, so you can't blame the sponsor. That's why it's absolutely essential that I be clear about my own experience because I can't help you gain clarity if I don't have clarity about my own experience. So I found it essential for me to find out what is a craving. This is what my sponsor taught me as a result of going through this book. Okay? So let's look at having a manifestation of an allergy. That's an abnormal reaction. So what he taught me to do was to take the statements in the book and turn them into questions. So I stop and ask myself the question, did I have an abnormal action? Did I have a normal reaction to alcohol? Well, what's abnormal? Have you ever noticed how orgasmic alcoholics are when they find their car? I found my car! It was such an orgasmic experience where I was constantly losing my car. And then the following day, I would drink again. That does not sound like a normal reaction. Most people who would lose their car, it would scare the daylights out of them and they would say, oh my goodness, I can't do that again. I've got to stop drinking. I was regularly running my car into parked cars and I would get out and say, who parked that car there? and then drinking it. That's an abnormal reaction. Or my mother was having a gathering at her house and I swore I wouldn't drink. I swored I wouldn'T drink. And I meant it at the time. I swear I'm not going to drink. I swear, I'll be a good boy. I'm NOT going to cause any trouble. No, the police are not going to be coming to the house again. And I would get there and I would drink again. What would I do the following day? I would think about it. I would have a drink again that's an abnormally reaction. So stop and ask yourself, did you have an abnormal reaction to alcohol? Then he goes on to say that the phenomena of craving is limited to this class. What class? The person who has an abnormal reacton to alcohol and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. So what's a craving? It's a longing for. i remember the first time i was asked did you experience craving for alcohol when you drank alcohol no i just wanted more well that's exactly what a craving is i would put alcohol in my body and i would want more alcohol now through the years i've sponsored guys who would respond to that question in this manner did you have a craving when you drink alcohol oh sure i would drink and then i craved cocaine see i need to be real clear about something this book was written for alcohol it was not written for other drugs now if it applies to your situation then that's wonderful but keep in mind that it was written för alkohol so when dr silkworth is talking about the phenomena of a craving occurring after we put alcohol in our body, he's talking about alcohol. It has been my experience that that is the case with cocaine. That is not the case with heroin. It's the exact opposite. Having used a lot of heroin when I was drinking, the drug would wear off, I would get sick, I would use more heroin, and the craving would go away. I would put alcohol in my body, I wanted more alcohol so once again turn that into a question did you crave alcohol when you put alcohol in your body and what's really important in this statement he says and never never means not one time occurs in the average temperate drinker in one sentence dr silkworth tells me how to determine if I'm an alcoholic. It has nothing to do with the drama of my drinking. It has Nothing to do with how many cars I wrecked, how many times I was married, how many divorces I had, how many Times I filed bankruptcy. It has Nothing to do With that. It Has to do with what Was my inner experience. You see, when Bill Wilson carried the message of hope to Dr. Bob, that's what he talked about. He didn't talk about the drama Of his drinking. You know what he Talked about? He talked about his inner experience. He talked about the phenomenon of craving, putting alcohol in his body and wanting more. Being in a situation where he had just dried up because they didn't have treatment centers at that time. They had drying out hospitals where he would go in and detox. And he would get out and he was so glad that he was sober but the thing he wanted more than anything else was another drink. He talked about the remorse, the guilt, the shame, the regret, the hopelessness, being full of fear, full of anxiety, not having any purpose or meaning for life, the futility of his existence. That's what he talked about. So you see, discovering whether or not I'm an alcoholic has nothing to do with the drama. As a matter of fact, I recall going to meetings in that 12-year period and hearing a lot of drama in meetings and not being able to relate. so let's say i'm brand new i'm sitting in the back of the room and this guy's going on and on about all the drama he talks about being in prison he talks about having three divorces he wrecked six cars and filed bankruptcy so i'm a newcomer back there and this is what i'm hearing let's see i've never been to prison i've never been married never wrecked a car i've never filed bankruptcy maybe i'm really not an alcoholic and he walks out the door we've just lost him I find that drama creates a lot of distance it does not create relatedness that's the stuff we talk about over coffee to amuse each other but that's not what I do in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous I'm there to carry a vision of hope and to share my inner experience so keep that in mind as you're going through these steps So let's turn that into a question. Did you experience a craving for alcohol when you put alcohol in your body? Now notice he says, and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. So let us say out of ten times that I drink, I do not experience craving eight times. Am I an alcoholic? According to Dr. Silkworth, I am. You know why? Because he said it never, he doesn't say rarely. He doesn't says seldom. He says never occurs in the average temperate drinker. You see what separates me from the non-alcoholic? It has nothing to do with how many times I've been to jail. It has to do one thing and only one thing. It's called the phenomenon of craving. i've had the opportunity of going out for business dinners with colleagues who drink and sitting there and watching them drink and they'll have one or two by the time they get the second drink they push it away and they say something like i better stop i'm starting to feel it well let's go then come on let's get it on i cannot relate to that i've been asked that question multiple times through the years by my colleagues and say well i don't understand it what separates you from me i don'T have to go into this big old diatribe about you know what i experienced in the 12 years and so on and so forth and i found a sponsor who had big books sobriety and blah, blah, blah, blah. I have to go into that. I tell him with phenomenal craving. What do you mean? I put alcohol in my body. I crave more alcohol and I can't stop. That's how I know that I'm an alcoholic. Okay. The bottom of that page, second line from the bottom, same page, second line for the bottom where Dr. Silkworth states they are restless, irritable, and discontented unless they can again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks. Drinks which they see others taking with impunity. Sounds like he's talking about drinking, doesn't it? Yes and no. Now check this out. They are wrestle cerebral discontent unless what? Unless I can again, experience the sense of the ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks in other words i was arable restless and discontented unless i could have that experience again what's ironic about that is i have the same identical experience in sobriety check it out i am restless arable and discontented unless i can again i'm reading it in the first person unless i can again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks in other words i have to find something in sobriety to give me the same sense of ease and comfort that alcohol gave me and if i do not i'm going to end up restless irritable and discontented you see that's what's happened for me as a result of going through these steps they give me this same sense and ease and comfort. I was one of those people that would get me a stash because I was so afraid I was going to run out. And it didn't matter that they just turned off the electricity. It didn't matter that she just said, go away. It did not matter that we don't want you around. I would get that booze, I would get that stash, and I could sit back and go, sigh of relief. Everything is going to be okay now. I have that same identical experience in sobriety. So see, it doesn't matter what's going on around me. I know deep down in my heart of hearts, everything is goingto be okay. After they succumb to the desire again, here again he's telling us about craving. After I succumbed to the desired, that means a desire is not a craving that's what's happening with mental obsession i desire i think about it as so many do in the phenomena of craving develops they pass through the well-known stages of the spree emerging remorseful with a firm resolution not to drink again can't tell you how many times that happened this is repeated over and over and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there's very little hope his recovery you know what psychic means means mind there needs to be an entire change in the way I think now do I have the power to do that if I was capable of doing that what am I doing here with you after 20 plus years of sobriety how come I'm still going to meetings if I could just pull up my boots by the straps and say I'm going to change my thinking absolutely i would have already done it so let's turn this into a question are you willing to consider that unless you experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of your recovery are you wanting to consider that now on that same page go to the third paragraph same page Third paragraph Go down to line three Line three, paragraph three One feels that something more than human power Is needed to produce the essential psychic change So here the authors are telling us The entire psychic change must occur Or there's very little hope by recovery And no human power can make that happen Can your sponsor produce that psychic change in you? Can your wife, girlfriend, your children, your money, your car, your boat, your house, your belief in God, can that produce a psychic change for you? It tells me here something more than human power. Here I'm being told nothing human can make this happen. Are you willing to believe that? Okay, let's turn to page 11. Page 11, paragraph 4. Before reading this paragraph, I would like to paint a picture for you. Bill Wilson is in his apartment. He's in his kitchen drinking gin. An old friend of his, Ebby T., who later becomes his sponsor, comes to visit him. He shows up on his doorstep sober, and he's got a gleam in his eye. and he looks really different. And Bill hasn't seen this guy sober in years. And he's curious. Now, keep in mind, Bill Wilson is drinking gin. He even offers Debbie a drink. Debbie says, no, I've got religion. But there's something uniquely different in Abby and he can't figure out what it is, so he's trying to consider where did Abby get the power to make this happen? And this is what he says. had this power originated in him. In other words, did it originate in Evie? Then he realizes, obviously, it had not. So he realized. Now keep in mind, he's drinking. He realizes that the power did not originate in Evy. There had been no more power in him than there was in me at that minute and this was none at all. This is where Bill Wilson discovers he has no power. that is the very essence of step one in other words the authors have spent half of the book on the instructions 43 pages to get across one point no power see i thought step one and i thought alcoholics anonymous was about not drinking now don't get me wrong it's helpful that you don't drink but what i discovered is that a is It's not about not drinking. Step one is not about not drinking See if step one was about not drinking we could do away with all those words and it would say quit or stop One thing I am clear about with my alcoholism I am going to drink no matter what i am going to drink no matter what why because i have no power if i had the power to keep me sober it would be necessary for me to be an alcoholic synonymous but you see the reason i came into these rooms was not because i wanted to stop drinking consider this for a moment if you are a real alcoholic why would you want to stop i didn't i wanted to stop suffering but i did not want to stop drinking now if you approach me said paul i can guarantee that you can drink all you want and there will be no consequences how many of you in here would say let's go look at all those hands yeah so maybe it's something we need to consider did i really come in here to stop drinking or did i come in hereto stop suffering see i had this big hole inside of me and i kept trying to fill it up with booze tried to fill up with women money jobs etc etc and i just couldn't fill it out i wanted to stop suffering i wanted the pain to stop i wanted fear to go away i wanted paranoia to disappear but i wasn't certain and I wanted to stop drinking. See, I wasn't convinced that I had no power. The authors have spent all those pages on that one point. We must be really slow for them to spend 43 pages to drive home one little point. No power, you have no power, you are going to drink no matter what. Thank you, thank you, thanks you. such a cup full of hope i'm going to drink no matter what oh boy now i'm screwed now what see this is what happened for me i came into these rooms thinking that was a problem thinking i made a decision you ever heard people say that yeah i've made a decision oh my the moment they say that man we're in trouble anyway i came into these rooms with this attitude you are going to show me how not to drink one day at a time you're going to share with me little techniques relapse prevention show mehow to identify my triggers give me information that's it information that I need more information that'll keep me sober right i've been sober coming up on 21 years in a couple of months and i have been working in the field of addictions longer than i have been sober do the math i knew i had lots of information i knew all about alcoholism i knew all about the dynamics of denial, progression, the Jelnik chart. I could recite the Jelnik chart in my sleep. I could tell you where AA was, what you needed to do to stay sober. I had all the information, all the data, but I couldn't... See, I had no power. No human power could keep me sober. What the authors are saying in this paragraph on page 11, this is the very essence of step one it's about no power do i have any power when it comes to the phenomena of craving can i control it can i patrol the mental obsession that kicks in you know jumps into my head now here's something to consider if i have no power with mental obsession if i had no power what the phenomena craving how manageable is my life probably going be pretty unmanageable. Okay, let's turn to page 20. Page 20, paragraph 5. Modern drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone can you take or leave alcohol if you can you're probably a moderate drinker i'll show you how delusional i was when i first came into these rooms i used to say well you see what i practice is what's called excessive moderation i really don't drink that much just excessively okay next paragraph then we have a certain type of hard drinker he may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally it may cause him to die a few years before his time in other words it might even kill him if a sufficiently strong reason ill health falling in love change of environment or the warning of a doctor becomes operative this man can also stop or moderate although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention so here's the hard drinker they may need to be hospitalized they may die before their time it may cause them difficulty given sufficient reason they can stop or moderate was sufficient reason enough for you to stop or moderate. I remember the woman I was married to when I got sober. She asked me to stop drinking. She said, you better stop drinking or I'm leaving. And I said, bye. I'm not going to give that up. I needed that more than air itself. And I wasn't going to let anybody get in my way. get in the way of my drinking so you see stop and turn that into a question what's sufficient reason enough to keep you sober next paragraph but what about the real alcoholic now before i go on if you've ever gone to meetings and you hear some guy stand up and say hi my name is john and i'm a real alcoholic do you ever hear that an early surprise i heard i thought how arrogant of course We're all alcoholics. What I didn't know was he was talking about what we're about to read. But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker. He may or may not become a continuous hard drinker I knew people that drank more than me The difference, they're not alcoholic Sufficient reason was enough for them to stop or moderate But at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink. See, that's what separates me from the hard drinker. Once I start to drink, I lose all control. Sufficient reason isn't enough. I can't take it or leave it like the moderate drinker, so here we have opportunity to further examine if I'm a real alcoholic. See, if I am clear about my drinking experience and I discover I am a real alcoholic, I can help another person gain clarity about their experience. If I don't have that experience, I cannot transmit that. Maybe that is part of the reason we have such a low success rate in Alcoholics Anonymous today. I will not sit up here and pretend I know the reason. I do not know what the reason is. We are losing a lot of people. Maybe the message is not being transmitted clearly maybe we're not giving that person the dignity i can't tell you how many times i sponsor guys who come right out of treatment and i ask him are you an alcoholic sure how do you know they told me so i can'T TELL YOU THE NUMBER OF TIMES IN THIS WORKSHOP IN THIS WORK SHOP I'VE SEEN MEMBERS OF NARCOTIC SYNONYMOUS COME TO THIS WORKSHOP CONVINCED THEY WERE NOT AN ALCOHOLIC UNTIL THEY WERE GIVEN THE DIGNITY OF DISCOVERING THE TRUTH OF THEIR experience and come up to me after the workshop and go, my God, I'm an alcoholic. Wow, that's beautiful. And I've seen the opposite of that occur as well. I sponsor a guy like that. This person was in AA for almost 10 years. He went to treatment. He was a crack addict and the therapy staff told him, go to AA and just tell him you're an alcoholic, okay? He wanted to be a good little student. Wanted to be a good Little A-A-er. And he went to meetings and every time he opened his mouth he said, Hi, I'm an alcoholic. For almost 10 years. Couldn't relate. Couldn't identify with their inner experience. And he used again. And he tried really hard to fit in. You see, every time he opened his mouth he was lying. His entire sobriety was based on a lie. He was not an alcoholic. And what I find is that a lot of AA members are threatened by that. No, let's not be telling people they're not an alcoholic. Let's not let them find out the truth about their experience. Now, I will share with you what that person is like today. Today he's sober two years. He's an active member of Cocaine Anonymous and he knows where he belongs. He is clear about the truth regarding his experience. and he's of great service to those people in CA. He's a free man. See, he was in the wrong fellowship. He is in the wrong fellowship and he tried really hard for 10 years to make himself fit in and he couldn't fit in. Why? Because he didn't belong there. He knows that today. That's why it's imperative that we be clear about our own experience. Okay. Page 23. Page 23, paragraph 1 Page 23 Paragraph 1 Line 3 Earlier I stated that the authors Segment the book And from page 23 to 43 Emphasize mental obsession And immediately give us a clue That's what they're going to do in line 3 Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic Centers in his mind that's my main problem it's my thinking my main problem is not alcohol alcohol is but a symptom did it cause problems of course it did but my main problem is my thinking stop and ask yourself was your thinking distorted before you got sober can anybody in here say no okay now consider this that's the very same mind you brought with you in here. Nothing has changed. That's the same mind. We don't remember that, though, do we? We get so upset. Oh, my mind's different now. Now I'm going to meetings. My mind's not the same. My mind is different. No, it isn't. It's the sane mind. But you know what's really wild about that? That's a very sane place we go for solutions. the very thing that has caused me more difficulty more pain and more suffering I'm talking about insubordination forget about drinking I'm thinking about now it's caused me more suffering more pain more humiliation than anything else it's been my own mind it hasn't been what has happened to me but rather my mind's interpretation of what's happening you know the thing I love about my mind i'm just so self-amused you know i need no one to entertain me okay let's go to page 24 page 24 paragraph 1 page 24 paragraph one the fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice and drink whoa turn that into a question have you lost the power to choose this is where resistance comes up how many times have you heard in meetings I choose to not drink today. Really? Then what are you doing here? If I could just simply choose to not drink, I wouldn't need to come to AA. I wouldn'T be here. I could JUST simply choose to not DRINK. Yep, that's it. I'M JUST GOING TO CHOOSE. I'M NOT GOING To DRINK TODAY. You see, if I had the power to do that, why didn'T I exercise it before now? If you're having resistance to that, try to have an open mind. Try to set aside everything you think you know. See, I found it is absolutely essential for me to remain a student in these rooms. When I stop being a student, I stop learning and I stop growing. It's guaranteed. Then the authors go on to say our so-called willpower. It doesn't say our willpower They have such a great sense of humor, don't they? our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent we are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness that's my mind with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago in other words remembering how bad it was will not keep me sober. This is sounding worse and worse, isn't it? I'm going to drink no matter what. I've got no power. I can't choose whether I'm gonna drink. Even my memory of my suffering, it's not gonna keep me sore. I'm an educated person, degreed. I have all this knowledge and information. That's, geez, why even be here? Because it is absolutely an essential part of the surrender for me to acknowledge to my innermost self that I have no power and there's absolutely nothing I can do to keep me sober. Nothing. Because I'm going to drink no matter what. And a little bit of information and memory of suffering is not going to keep you sober. That's what the authors are saying. Check this out. Of even a week or a month ago. So, if that is ineffective when I'm sober one week or one month, What's it going to be like if I'm sober 20 years? My goodness, it's going to Be worse Because the memory has a tendency To fade. That's why it's important for me To continue to work with newcomers Then they say, we are without defense against The first drink. Are you willing to consider that That you are without defence Once again, here the authors are trying to drive home That central theme That I have no power. I'm without any Defence I had it backwards I thought you were going to teach me how to not drink what I discovered was I had a completely backwards what I needed to do was I needed to have what is called a first step experience I needed to admit to concede that I have no power over alcohol look how it's worded we admitted we were powerless over alcohol that means I have no power and as a result of making that admission conceding to my earmost self, then I was in a position to find a power greater than me. So see, once I have that surrender, now I have desire to seek a power. Until I have the power, until I have had that experience, I have no desire to seeking that power. Why? If I haven't surrendered and I haven' t conceded, there's absolutely nothing I can do to keep me sober. Why even seek a Power? I don't need it. Bye. I'll see you later. I don' t need you guys. I don''t need to come here. I don't need to keep going through the 12 steps repeatedly, if I had power, which I don' t. Okay, let's turn to page 34. Page 34, paragraph 2. Page 34. Paragraph 2. for those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether we're assuming of course that the reader desires to stop whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not ask yourself that question can you stop on a non-spiritual basis in other words on your own power can you then you may be experiencing the same thing that i did and that the alcoholics in this book that are being described on these pages so if i can't quit upon a non spiritual basis, I've probably lost the power to choose whether I will or will not drink. Consider this. You run into me in a meeting and you hear me saying, I choose to not drink today. When I say that, who am I saying has the power to keep me sober? Me. Who am I saying deserves all the credit? Me. So if I'm saying that, why am I here? You want to find out if a person's taken the first step as outlined in the big book? You only need to ask one question. Only one. Can you choose to not drink today? Stop and ask yourself that question. can you just simply choose see the moment i begin thinking that i can choose to not drink i've instantly deluded myself because i've convinced myself i have the power and that i'm going to deserve all the credit now back here on page 25 third paragraph page 25 paragraph 3 if you are as seriously alcoholic as we were we believe there was no middle of the road solution we were in a position where life was becoming impossible and if we had passed into the region from which there was no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives. One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could and the other to accept spiritual help. So here the authors are telling me that there's only two alternatives, either keep drinking, keep living the way I am or seek spiritual help there's no middle of the road solution there's a way that you can explore that within yourself by asking yourself this question what would happen to Alcoholics Anonymous if every single member was doing sobriety the way I'm doing it today what would happen if everybody was doing it the way i'm doing it is it middle of the road solution is that what you're seeking because if that's what you're receiving those of you that are unaware of it we do have a food chain in alcoholics anonymous at the bottom of the food chain is what we call peanut butter sobriety i've experienced it it's like being it's like eating peanut butter you eat peanut butter it gets stuck to the roof of your mouth and your teeth in other words it's very easy to get stuck there peanut butter sobriety is when i'm just doing barely enough i'm the guy who's just going to meetings i'm not working with a sponsor i'm not doing the steps i don't do fellowship if i do i'm a wallflower i'm back there in the corner i'm that really getting involved then you move a little further up the food chain and we have hamburger sobriety. It's a little better, not much. You move a littler further and then you have chicken sobriete that's a little bit better and then we get to the top of the foodchain and then we have filet mignon sobrieti. What do you want? You want peanut butter or you want filet i want the best of the best why because i love my life today i'm a free man i don't suffer from the compulsion to drink and most of the time i am free from my head the thing that has caused me more suffering than anything else so let's look at the unmanageability in our lives what do you think what is the most insane thing you've ever done the most insane thing I have ever done I've done in sobriety the most insane thing and I'll tell you what it was it was a direct result of my mind I'm sober I've already gone through the steps I'm happy joyous and free man I'm fat dumb and happy I'm having fun and one day it crosses my mind, I bet I could have a drink. That's insane. That is the most insane thing I've ever done. Thinking after having a spiritual awakening, after being free from the compulsion to drink, one day my mind tells me, I think I could have a drunk today. Does that sound crazy? Now if you doubt that, turn to page 52. Here's a great description of unmanageability. Page 52, paragraph 2. Page 52 paragraph 2, line 3. Let's turn these statements into questions. We were having trouble with personal relationships. Are you having trouble with professional relationships? We couldn't control our emotional natures. Can you control your feelings? We were prey to misery and depression. Are you subject to that? We couldnít make a living. This has nothing to do with making money. They said, make a living. This is about living. This isn't about earning. Do you have trouble making a living? We had a feeling of uselessness. Do you feel useless? We were full of fear. Are you full of peer? We were unhappy. Are you unhappy? Does it seem that you couldn't be of real help to other people? So you see, mental obsession is not confined to sitting around saying, I'm going to drink, I'm doing to drink. Oh, I've got to have a drink. going to have a drink it has many different forms in the book switching only waiting until five o'clock to drink putting whiskey in milk like that one story in there about that guy who puts whiskey in his milk he thinks he's got a full stomach now and he's coated his stomach with milk now he can drink here's another one i've been sober a long time my life's manageable now I can drink now. That's called mental obsession. So if I truly have no power over mental obsession, I trulyhave no powerover the phenomenon of craving once I put the alcohol in my body, how can I possibly have a manageable life? So see, basically, step one tells me this. I have nopower and I need a new manager. That's basically what it's saying. Okay. page 36 page 36 two lines from the bottom of the page page 36 two lines from the bottom he had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only He mixed it with milk. Page 39. Page 39, paragraph 1, line 5. Page 39 paragraph 1 line 5 But the actual or potential alcoholic With hardly any exception Will be absolutely unable to stop drinking On the basis of self-knowledge So stop and ask yourself Can I stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge? Maybe that's the key. Yeah, that's it. Information, knowledge. I need knowledge. After all, we are in an era of information. That's it, I need info, input, input. Give me more input. That's the ticket. Yeah,that'll keep me sober. Okay, now what we're going to do is we're going to find out who's an alcoholic. If you truly believe that you have no power over mental obsession, over the phenomenon of craving, and that your life is unmanageable. Let's turn to page 30. Page 30, paragraph 2. Page 30. Paragraph 2. We learned that we had to fully concede To our innermost selves That we were alcoholics This is the first step in recovery The delusion that we are like other people Or presently maybe has to be smashed You notice that the authors aren't saying That we have to fully concede to our sponsor Or the group you will have an opportunity to examine that in a moment in addition to that this is what I would encourage you to do this is the same thing my sponsor had me do go home and sit with me, myself and my soul and ask myself this question am I willing to concede to my inner self that I have no power and that I'd need a new manager. Basically, if I say yes, this is what I'm saying. I'm seeing yes, I had an abnormal reaction. Yes, I did experience the phenomena of craving. No sufficient reason was enough to keep me sober. I lost all control once I started to drink and I have lost the power to choose whether I will or will not drink. so you see what's most important is conceding to myself as long as i'm clinging to the idea that i have some power some knowledge some information some memory that's going to keep me sober there's no room for step two look what it says in step too. Came to believe in what? A power greater than myself. So you see, if I'm still clinging to the idea inside of me, I have some power. There's no room for that, is there? And that has been my experience. That's what happened to me in that 12 years I was bouncing in and out of these rooms. I was never willing to concede to my innumerable self that I have no power. I Was convinced that I had the answer, that I was smarter than everyone else, that I could still choose to not drink. That self-knowledge was the key. I was convinced of it. My behavior, my experiences illustrates that. If I truly believe that I don't have the power, what am I doing testing it? I'm going to drink no matter what. See, I'm faced with that every single morning that I wake up. Well, I've got to drink today. Today's the day I'm gonna drink. Why? Because I'm going to drink no matter what. That's why I've learned to resort to the spiritual principles, the spiritual practices like prayer, meditation, evening review, working with others, telling other people what's going on with me. So everybody that is here to take the steps, please stand. We are going to consider the questions that I've just reviewed. And we'll go around the room one at a time. After you answer, please be seated. And I will begin. Am I willing to concede to my innermost self that I'm an alcoholic? Yes. Okay. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Congratulations. My hope for you is that you had a first-step experience, and what I mean by that is this. I was taking this guy through the steps, and we went through this. We spent a great deal of time on these 43 pages, and we got to the end, and I said, so how's it feel knowing that there's absolutely nothing you can do to keep yourself sober? He said, oh, it feels pretty good. I went, what? We overlook something here, okay? It's not supposed to feel good. If you're feeling good, you probably did not have a first step experience it. Consider it. If you are a real alcoholic, how promising does it sound that there's nothing you can do to keep you sober? Is that going to make me feel good? Of course not. I'm supposed to have that experience. Now I'm in a position to seek power. So, I'm not going to leave you hanging there. I'd like to give you a little bit of hope before you leave. Okay, let's turn to page 46. Page 46, paragraph 2, line 5. Page 46. Page 46 paragraph 2 line 5 This is part of the second step. This is what we have to look forward to. As soon as we admitted the possible existence of a creative intelligence, a spirit of the universe underlying the totality of things, we began to be possessed of a new sense of power and direction provided we took other simple steps. Check out the keyword new. It doesn't say sense of... You're not going to get sense of Power. I'm going to receive new sense of Power, new. That means unlike anything I've ever experienced before. Wow. New direction, not direction, new direction. I'm going to receive power like I've never experienced it before and I'm going to have a direction to go that I've never had before does that sound wonderful how many people in here want that yeah me too that's what we have to look forward to in preparation for next week I would recommend that you read pages 44 to 71 to prepare us for steps 2, 3 and 4 so this week we're going to read pages 44 to 71 until we meet next week I want to welcome all of you to the fellowship of the spirit and those of you that are on your way to being rocketed into the fourth dimension congratulations for what you've done today and thank you Thank you.