The Back-Breaking Garbage Bag of Low Self-Esteem – Don H.

About This Speaker Tape

Saturday night in a room full of coffee and aluminum chips. Brian stands before the group, his face flushed, clutching a nine-month sobriety marker. For years, he carried what Don H. calls the "back-breaking garbage bag of guilt, remorse, and low self-esteem," a weight that makes a drunk feel like a pariah in polite society. He had been "Shimmy," a man buried under pounds of wreckage, until the sight of his wife and son watching him be loaded into a squad car finally broke the denial.

Now, the wreckage is shifting. In a room where old-timers rub their chips against a newcomer's to pass on sobriety, Brian finds a Higher Power in the personal touch of the group. He looks at his son and tells him he didn't lose weight because he's sick, but because he's getting well. He realizes he must be his best, because he might be the only living copy of the Big Book some "poor schnook" ever sees.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Discussion on the critical role of the greeter in welcoming the 'pariah' and the 'zoo' visitor.
• 5:15 Analysis of the 'garbage bag of guilt' and the fear of not being worthy of love.
• 10:30 The danger of social isolation for those with long-term sobriety.
• 15:00 Laughter: Marge M. introduces the meeting with a joke about her weight.
• 20:45 The reading of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of AA.
• 25:20 Applause: Rob R. recognizes Sharon S. for four years of sobriety.
• 30:10 Banter between Rob R. and Crazy Bill B. regarding Bill B.'s early sobriety and death threats.
• 35:00 The ritual of rubbing sobriety chips to pass on sobriety to a newcomer.
• 40:15 Applause: Brian B. receives his nine-month chip; Rob R. whispers 'Now the work begins'.
• 45:30 Emotional reunion between Brian B. and his son, Tommy T.
• 50:00 Rose R. tells Brian B. she is moving out of her sister's house to try again with him.
• 55:10 Brian B. reflects on the difference between 'Shimmy' and the man he is becoming.