The Arrogance That Protects Our Own Deals – John A.

About This Speaker Tape

December 22nd: 37 bottles of whiskey, gift-wrapped for customers but earmarked for himself. John A. describes a life of high-functioning wreckage, from owning a door factory and a swimming pool to the humiliation of running down the street in Swedish flannel pajamas. He speaks of the "arrogance that protects our own deals," the mental gymnastics used to ignore the shakes and the "mortuary smell" of a waking hallucination—a twenty-three-foot white snake with three black eyes.

His bottom was a series of crashes: a wife’s suicide attempt via aspirin, a failed attempt to steal a pint of liquor for $3.57, and the realization that he was a "broken human being." He recounts the grit of early sobriety—hiding in a closet in a Brooks Brothers suit, weeping over $36,000 in debt. By surrendering to a Higher Power and the raw identification of one drunk talking to another, he traded his pride for a way to live.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opening remarks and jokes about his Swedish accent and language struggles.
• 4:15 The 'last drunken Christmas' and the 37 gift-wrapped bottles of whiskey.
• 8:30 Discussion of the family disease: his father's liver failure and his brothers' struggles with pride and alcoholism.
• 14:20 The 'highlight' of his drinking: owning a door factory and the routine of martinis in the bathtub.
• 18:45 Laughter: The story of the Episcopalian church service and the struggle to get up from the pew.
• 22:10 The white snake hallucination and the 'mortuary smell'.
• 27:30 The rock bottom: his wife's suicide attempt and his own arrest for stealing a pint of liquor.
• 32:15 Meeting his sponsor Charlie R. and learning about the disease concept (allergy and obsession).
• 36:40 The emotional weight of early sobriety and hiding in a closet to weep.
• 41:10 Working the steps: Forgiving his brother Bartholomew B. and the letter of amends.
• 46:20 Reflections on his marriage to Karen K. and the miracle of living without alcohol.
• 49:00 Closing encouragement to newcomers and the importance of the fellowship.