The Agnostic Approach to a Higher Power He Couldn’t Define – Joe M.

About This Speaker Tape

A seven-year-old boy sits in a house where his father, an ice man, brings home pints of bootleg whiskey and threatens his mother with a knife. Joe M. grew up shooing his fingernails down to the quick, terrified and certain that if anything good ever happened, it would be because he forced it to happen. He spent decades as a wallflower who used alcohol as a tool to get off the wall, eventually spiraling into a life of "oblivion" in Tulsa, fighting rats in a mobile home and waking up in a fog of speed pills and resentment.

The turning point came on a Sunday morning when Joe made a deal with a Higher Power he didn't believe in, followed by a three-day rescue by his friend George. Joe describes a "soul sickness" that felt like a vice squeezing his head. Through the grit of the steps and the advice of a woman named Alabama, he learned to pray for those he hated. He finally woke up to the red and yellow tulips of a Tulsa spring, realizing he had been cut off from the sunlight of the spirit.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Laughter: Joe B. tells a joke about three boys and the principal's question.
• 5:12 Joe B. describes the domestic violence and instability of his childhood home.
• 10:20 Story about George G. and the trip to Juarez, Mexico, ending in jail.
• 15:45 Joe B. discusses the cycle of marriages and the 'Zebra Lounge' in Tulsa.
• 21:10 The 'oblivion' phase of drinking and the fight with the rats in the mobile home.
• 26:30 The Sunday morning surrender and the call to George G. for help.
• 32:15 Discussion of 'soul sickness' and the influence of Alabama C. and the Big Book.
• 38:40 The 'spiritual awakening' moment at a traffic light in Tulsa, seeing the tulips.
• 45:10 Detailed exploration of the 'We Agnostics' chapter and creating a personal conception of a Higher Power.
• 52:20 The Third Step prayer and the 'renewing of the mind'.
• 58:15 Reconciliation with his daughter Gail G. and the meaning of living sober.