The 12 Steps and the Medicine Wheel – The Four Seasons Workshop – Part 8 of 8 – Don A.

Well, good morning everyone. Good morning. My name is Don Coyas and I'm from the Mohican Nation. And I'm form the coyote clan on my father's side and the turtle clan on mother's side. In our culture whenever you introduce yourself that's who you're supposed to say. Always tie yourself to your people. but my name is don c i'm an alcoholic and uh so i'm really really honored to be here and to talk about some of things um some experiences about the about the steps and maybe i'll tell you this joke i heard the other day first is uh I was told up in South Dakota, by the reservation there, there's this one road that travels, they said, right along the border. And on a reservation, it says white land on one side, reservation land on the other side. And they say there's a little town there, and when the cars come through there, they have to slow down for that town. So when the cars slow down and those dogs start chasing those cars. On one side of that road are Indian dogs. That's where they stay. And on the other side of the road is those white dogs. And so when those cars slowdown like that, they said there's Indian dogs and they go chase that car. They go, and they just bark like that and the car goes behind. But on the opposite side of road where those white dog are, when they chase that car they go bow wow bow wow bow wow so then after a little while they were chasing these cars these Indian dogs you know these other dogs bow wow bow wow bow wow so finally there's white dogs they come to this Indian dogs and they said you know what are you Indian dogs doing you make so much noise and stuff now Indian dogs they said wow that's that's the way Indians are we have when we do something all out you know that's why we do that so this white dog they said that's not how you're supposed to be they just supposed to go bow wow bow wow bow wow there's Indian dogs well I don't know so the white dogs they kept talking finally Indian dogs he said well we'll try that so they went back to that place and they were waiting there for a long time in pretty soon this car come along and um slowed down like that so all they went behind that cars with the indian dogs you know they was going bow wow bow wow wow wow and when that car took off this dog indian dog he stopped and they looked at one another and they went a Yeah, so we'll do that with bow-wow. Bow-wow way. Can't you see those dogs doing it? Yeah. When you look at the 12 steps, I think right now is a very strong time in Indian communities. I think contrary to how we look at or have looked at things, I think there's a great healing starting to occur among our people. In 1991, we met with some elders from the Four Directions. So we had about 40 elders. They were from North tribes, East tribes, South tribes, West tribes. And so we brought these elders together and what we asked them to do is to spend some time with us, just talking to us about things. and um so in that four-day conference they talked to us about uh about the earth and about the environment but they talked us about communities about being indian men about being Indian women things like that about relationships they talked about sex about raising children everything for four days and uh one of the things they did talk to us about the, they told us some things about prophecies. And I think for us, the prophecies is very important. They have been told, you know, stories told on over the years. And there was a prophecy they said that the Indian people, they said, would spend a long time in a real cold winter time of life, a real tough time, a time of turmoil and confusion. and uh there's a prophecy it said uh that uh when the sun would get blocked in the seventh moon that would be significant that the winter time is over that period of time would be over and then we as indian people we'd enter into a new springtime a new time for us as a people and uh if you remember maybe in um that july of 1991 there was a big solar eclipse so we had just accidentally met just about a week and a half after that solar eclipse so we didn't know these things until they told us that so they said that that eclipse was very significant in that, that meant we are now entering a new time. It's a new time for us as Indian people. Then they went on to say, they said for that next 12 moons, they stood at a great stirring. The Creator was going to cause a great stirring to take place. He was gonna stir it up. In that time of that great stirring he said, the elders they said that there was going to be gifts is going to be given out to the people that we have not used before. And they said that during this time of the stirring, there was going to a selection of people to help heal all the communities, all the nations. So they said that for the next twelve moons they said that these people selected, they would go through a real mixed-up time for themselves. And like a real evaluation time, kind of. Even that they would think that they were crazy. Like they might have their jobs and be in place doing, you know, have everything in order, but then all of a sudden, you know how you've got your rug of life and you have your careers and cars and everything, You know, they said it would be like for certain people that he would come and something would grab the edge of that rug and it would just kind of upset everything. So you'd think you were crazy, really mixed up. And they said that those people selected that they would go through a real personal time, like they have to go through healing time, that they would need to uh even their secrets couldn't stay secrets no more they said it was all surface they would come up they wouldn't arise and um then they said that the that these healers they would uh um they would know something was going on you know how sometimes you have like this urge you just kind of know you just kinda know you gotta go do something like in our tribe there's these teachings called Teachings of the Warrior. And what it says is that everybody is a warrior. That's not like a battle name on television. That's a spiritual being name. And in that teaching, it says that every warrior has a song written in their heart and that song must be sung before you die or your soul forever remains restless. And that sometimes we have to go through life school like that. That doesn't mean just like high school, university, it means life school. And many of us know about that darn life school, pretty tough roads. And at the time we think that that's all bad, but maybe we are just have to do that because now we got other things to do. We need that experience. Now we have to go back and help the people, but we'd never be believable unless we went and tested that, all those things that we needed to learn. And so they said that what would happen is that a great healing would start to occur among our people. And they said a long time ago, they said the Creator came to a place called Turtle Island and He said to the people, I'm going to divide you into four directions, He said, to a red direction, yellow direction, black direction and a white direction. and he said to each of those directions I'm going to give you each a certain accountability there's some things you have to know and so to the red direction he said to you you are the keepers of the earth that you have to go through the cycles of time and learn all the things about the earth about land and about plants and about how everything is connected and you're going to be given that knowledge through those times because a day will come when you have to come and tell people those things that you know. Into the yellow direction, or the yellow race, He made them to be keepers of the air. So they were to learn about breathing and about breath and all of that. And to the black direction, He gave them the responsibility to bekeepers of the sacred water. They were to learned all those things about the water. Into the white direction, He said, You are the keepers for the fire. So sometimes in that direction we think about like the light bulb. You know those guys, they know everything they do has got like the car, the combustion engine has got that firepower in the middle. And they said that what the Creator said was that the day would come, He called it the coming together time, that when the springtime would arrive then we would all need to come together and sit in a circle and that we would need to start sharing this knowledge and this wisdom that each one has, because everybody is going to know something about this healing part. Everybody has a part in that. And we, Kauai Bison, we work in a lot of different native communities around the country, and we are starting to see wherever we go, we are seeing that the healing is starting to occur among our people. There's even people coming home by, you know, that they get discontent where they are and they come in home to help and make a difference. We've seen it all over the place that these circles are starting together. So I just thought I would just share a little bit about that because I think that when they have like a first conference, Red Road Conference, that's very, very significant because that's a gathering of these circles. It's what's going to go and that we don't need to be so concerned about the numbers but who is supposed to be here is exactly who is suppose to be her and that this is good. Get it going, get a seed going, do it again, do it agian and make a place for the native people to come. So is there any questions on this prophecy? But it's a very good time for us in the terms of these prophecies. Also, then what we'd like to talk about is a little bit about the step. When I come into AA, my sobriety birth date is August 10th, 1978. And I had a hard time coming into AA at first. It didn't make no sense to me but I kept coming back and going drinking again, and coming back, and going drinking again. And finally I guess that I drank what I supposed to drink, you know? And I guess it's because of alcohol I kept coming back. It wasn't for anything else. But on my journey to get here, I lost, like some others, everything. I lost family, respect. All of those things went. But I always had a hard time, you know, even like with a big book. They say the instructions are in that book and I would look for these instructions and I could never, you now, ever see them. I couldn't figure out, you know, what they were talking about. So I managed to get a sponsor and that sponsor helped a lot. And so as I got sober for a couple of years, then I happened to... Even though I was sober for several years, I always felt something was missing. There was just something not right. But then I was kind of used to that anyway, so it wasn't like it was a surprise. So then as things progressed, I happened to run into one of our elders who also is in recovery. And it was then he said, you have to go back to the culture. He said, You'll never know who you are unless you go back to that culture because I had left it even though I was raised by my grandfather and stuff. And it was done in a, you know, in a good way. So then I went back there and started to look at the culture. Then I started to see that the program in the steps, they were, the culture in the program, it was kind of the same thing, but just said different ways. and I'll just make this remark because and maybe someday I'll change my mind but you know I just say kind of what I see right now and not everybody agrees with this but that's okay too. But when I look at myself as an Indian person in recovery, and then talking to some other people. What I found out was, and I'm saying this with the highest respect that I can say, I always respect the AA. It's the best program for the alcoholics that's on the whole earth. But one of the things, I think there's a thing in a big book it talks about that sometimes maybe the Creator will reveal more when we're ready. So one thing I like about that big book, it doesn't say you have to do nothing. I guess that's why it was attractive to me because I didn't like have-tos but suggested steps and it's got a real good way of not saying certain things, you know, like at first. But in a way what I found out was when you look at the design of how the program got designed and everything, it was kind of designed by like a white class, white middle-class male. And I'm saying this with respect, I want to say that but like when I come to meetings or they say work these steps in my mind wasn't the things I couldn't I couldn't hook into what they were saying a lot of time, you know, about Titanic and all this other stuff. I had a hard time looking at that. And so what I started to see was when you add some of the culture to it, then all of a sudden it would start to make more sense to me. So it's the same thing but looking at it kind of a different way. I think sometimes I see women struggle because a lot Of The Steps is written like about power and ego and, you know, really strong control thing. And like where I was raised, I wasn't raised to think like a lot of that way. So when I was looking on manageability and stuff, you know, I couldn't quite grasp that. So what we want to share today is maybe just a combination of all of that stuff, my experiences with that, and maybe looking at it from an Indian way, to look at it that way. So one of the things I found is when we look at the steps, in the, kind of how Indian people look at things is in a circle. We know that the creator made a way and everything they say travels in a cycle. The earth is round, the sun goes around, the moon goes around. You have seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter. You We have cycle of life, baby, youth, adult, elder. Everything goes in a circle. So when we started to look at the steps and using that circle, what we found out that you could do the same thing but do it just in a different way. So it's just like the circle. It's sort of like looking at the earth. The sun rises in the east, it sets in the west. Then there's that when the sun is up during the day, that's the growing time. And then in the north is like the winter, where old man winter in the wisdom is. So as we started to look at this, we found out if we put steps one, two and three in the east, that is like the direction of the sun, then those steps, that direction when you face that, that new light, you know, new life, well, to that direction that is about finding God or the creator or great spirit, higher power. So that's that steps one, two and three is in the east and that's about finding a relationship with the Creator. Then steps four, five and six that's in the south and that is the direction about finding a relationship with your self. So then even like we found as we share a little bit later when we work the steps when you do the work on them you face that way. You work steps one, two and three whenever you sit at the table or wherever you are you face in the east because there is powers that we all know come from that. then when you turn to the south that's steps 4, 5 and 6 that's about finding yourself a relationship with you that inventory step and then step 7, 8 and 9 that is in the west that's that forgiveness direction like the sun going over the horizon the letting go that direction and that is about finding a relationship with others that's where you establish a relationship with your brothers and sisters and then steps 10, 11, and 12, that's in the north. And that's that direction of the elders. That's where the wisdom in that direction comes. So we started to see that when we looked at that going in a circle, then you'd see it's not like a straight line or you go down a page and then you say, well, what? And I think the other thing that used to baffle me at first when I got a sponsor and I got in the steps, you know, it was, it's like they just say the steps are in order. Do step one. Well, what is these other things? Don't worry about that. Do step 1. You'll know. Go to meetings. Do all that and then listen and so I always look forward to the steps with fear. This inside of myself was a resistance. It's like you know Well, you knew what the honor is to turn your life over to this character. You know, I don't understand that. Why would I want to do that? That doesn't... There was always like a resistance. And it always baffled me that it seemed tone was to work the steps through fear. And a lot of that was just my own tapes. You know like when I was in the boarding schools or the mission schools, you know. It was always liked they always painted a picture of like they would teach you about God or whatever. So it seemed like one of the ways they'd always do, like some of the teachers or parochial schools or whatever, it was almost like they'd paint a picture of hell. That's how they motivated you to seek God. So they'd say, have you ever been burnt by a match or a fire? And you'd go, yeah, I have. Well, your whole body is going to burn all over, just blisters, and you're going to be away forever. then they would say things like you ever been thirsty out in the woods all day no water I'd say yeah ain't no water in hell your tongue gets blagged and your body is going to be all blistered now you want to seek God and you say well yeah I do right so it was like you always had like the flames of hell licking your ass you see to seek god and so there's always just a resistance you know but kind of the way you know, that I grew up. It wasn't a positive experience. I didn't seek God because it was good or like the culture. It was always the flames of hell kind of licking your way there. And so there's always a resistance, you know to these steps even though when I come in I was ready you see, to do them. But then as I saw later on there's other ways to look at things and the elders they tell us they say there's only two points view of the world. They say one point of view of the world is a point of you of the mouse, the mouse. The mouse gets up in the morning and all the grass is bigger than the mouse. Every rock is big. Every golly is... everything is an obstacle. So that mouse goes along. Oh my God ain't this awful. Oh look at this. The grass is tall. Look at the rock. Oh there's a big valley. I'm just not going to make it. Real bad day. Well at the same time there's the point of view of the eagle. So the eagle is flying up. they're looking at the same thing the mouse is looking at. And it's looking down at that mouse and says, Mouse, why are you so worried? Lighten up, mouse, you know. Don't take it so serious. So there's always two points of view, you see, for everything. And so we want to kind of spend some time looking at things from two points, two points a view. Now looking at also about the steps is we found this in what always makes me comfortable. Indians always learn the best when they know the whole first, show that big picture first, and then you can go work the parts. But if you just show a little part and you can't see the whole, then you tend to want to resist. So I used to wonder, I'd say, why is there always you hear people say i'm stuck in this step and i'm afraid of this one and i can't do this and inventory is negative and this is you know it's always like uh and i says it seems strange to me that the creator would give a program to recovering people and then make it a fear program i said it doesn't make sense that he would do that that maybe there's another point of view. Maybe that's a point of view of the mouse. Maybe there's another point of view of how to look at this. Is it possible to come in and work the steps and look forward to them, that you anticipate doing the next one instead of looking at the resistance, you know, of it all? So as we continue to go back to the culture and learn some of those things, then I found that there was other ways to look at the steps in that recovery. And to look from a Native point of view just started to really make sense to me. I'm not afraid of the steps at all today. There are places in there you know where things go on but I always look forward to making that change. So what we'll be using a lot this morning is we will be talking about these steps from a medicine wheel point of view, from the circle point of you. So pretty much it's like Sam read. We'll be looking at some of the prophecies from the medicine wheel, the cycle of life. And in doing that with intent of sharing some information that will allow one to look forward to working those steps. And then we'll look at an overview of the steps and then we'll spend primarily the late morning and the afternoon doing a lot of workshops. Also for those, we will try to take breaks for every 45 minutes. I believe in taking a frequent break. So I'm not going to be studying here. And if there are any questions as we go through this, please feel free to just raise your hand or whatever is your customary way of signifying that you have a question to ask. Derek, could you hand out those workbooks too? Also, we'll give you a workbook and then we'll explain that, kind of go through that workbook so we're kind of familiar with that also. But in looking at these steps, what I want to kind of do is tell you a story about something that happened to me when I was four years sober because it's very important, I think, for us to locate. When I come into recovery, I had lost everything and was in debt and things like that and I managed to get sober going to AA and getting a sponsor eventually. So over the next, as I come in, the first year was crazy as heck. And then, you know, second year and then by anyway, by time, you know, three years or so, it was sort of like I did have a rug again. And there was some sanity on that rug. I had a, you know, a res car with some good tires and I wasn't moving every month or playing those games and paying my bill, getting responsible again. And so it was going pretty good by the time I was getting those three, three and a half years sober. But then what happened was I had about, I must have been about four years sober and all of a sudden it was just like somebody took that rug again and just upset it all. I was in trouble at work. I was having some trouble in my relationship. I was just, I hated going to meetings. I sat in meetings and they were just, they just stunk, you know. And my sponsor got stupid and this book. I had read every damn thing in it and I didn't want to see this crap again. I didn' t want to pray. I couldn' t work steps. I didn''t want to work them and I wanted to run. See, I was having a hard time and I really didn' T want to go to meetings. So after a while I thought you know I better go see somebody. So I went to see this one elder in Denver that I used to go see a lot And so always by the time I see him, then I'm just really scattered and just rambling all over the place. So when I go see him he sits in the backyard and he'll grab a chunk of wood and he will whittle with his knife waiting for me to get done. Just shakes his head like that. And so I got through all that I had to get through. And so then finally he said to me, he said, well how long are you sober now? Exactly. I said, well, four years. And I think it was like a week. And he says, well... He says, you're right on schedule. And you know how you hate to hear that when they say things like, you're Right on Schedule? But he told me, he said, I want to tell you something that not a lot of people know. And it's to do with growing and to do a cycle. See, everything, he says. It goes in cycles. And we all participate in the cycle. like geese they know exactly when they're supposed to go this way how long they're suppose to stay and then they know exactly when to go back and everything in the whole earth works by a system of order that there is an order to everything but he says very often we as a human being we think we're the exception we always think we're that exception that everything else participates but not us but he said I want to talk to you about about the seasons of growing. He says, because this will really help you in a recovery. And he said that every human being, we participate in a four-year growth cycle that we have one year of spring, one year summer, one year fall, and then one year winter. There is a cycle that we grow through. So when we grow, It's like you don't grow like there's a there down there. When we go, we travel like this. Spring, summer, fall, winter. We travel in a circle. And every four years it takes to make that circle. So I'll just talk about these seasons because I think it really helps. Because have you ever noticed a lot of times how people seem to get in trouble what year? Four to five? 7 to 8, 11 to 12, 15 to 16, four-year cycles. You see a lot of people will slip, 4 to 5, 7 to 18, a lot relationship troubles or divorces and stuff take place in sobriety cycles. So we're going to talk about these seasons, but they're not to do with the seasons outside. They're talking about seasons, inside seasons. So we'll look at some information about these and see if these seasons make sense, these seasons of recovery. And then I'll also talk to them a little bit in terms of groups, because we have our groups or organizations, whatever. So I'm just going to talk about both of those, but mostly I'm going to be talking about personal growing. So in a spring season, in an organization you'll see these type of characteristics. Like when something first starts out, even like how this conference started, first one. Lot of hope, lot of energy, lot excitement, I wonder who's coming? I wonder if they are going to show up? You have all these questions when you first start. So at an individual level, you know how like an oak tree, see the oak trees standing out in the forest like that, nothing's going on? Then unknown to the oak tree that sap starts to work its way up into a kind of a form of life. It starts to works its way inside of that tree but at first the oak don't know it. So a lot of times we come into recovery at first, you'll notice other people will notice things before we notice them ourselves. So it's like that oak tree is standing out there or our friends will come up and they'll say, gee, you look different. What'd you do? Fix your hair different or not? Something? Nah, same old way. I've been wearing it for 10 years. Ain't nothing going on here. Then a couple days later, you'll see people will come out and they all say, you get different clothes or something. Is this something about you seems to be different? Nah, same old rags I've always had. Ain't nothing going on here. Then maybe a couple days later, a week later or something, they'll kind of kid you. They'll say, what did you do? Go snag a new man or something? There's just something different about you. So the other people will notice a change going on. But usually inside of ourselves we don't. But that day comes when you get up and you walk into the mirror in a breakfast or whatever in the bathroom and all of a sudden you look in your own eye and you know something's going on. You don't have any idea what it is but you kind of know that it's going on. You're not sure but you know. So it's like when you look in a mirror and you realize that then what you do is you close the door so nobody's looking and you look at yourself really good in that mirror and then you say is this like how an oak tree would bud? You get this little bud start to appear on its branches. that's when you notice you don't know what's going on but you're just kind of looking at a mirror and you say check myself out I think I'm budded so you just kind to know things are going on but you don' t know for sure and most people that get into recovery you kind of sense that so then you go through that first year if you take a look what happens to that oak tree all that really happens is those little buds they break open and things start to turn into young leaves and the leaves don't have shape yet. But over that first year, a shape starts to form. Little things start to, like attitudes. I start to believe this. I see hope. I get a car. I get an job. I keep it. I quit lying. I'm getting responsible. Very, very slowly these little buds start to happen. So we go through that first gear and that's just a budding season. Then we come to the second season that's called the summer season. And it's during the summer seasons that those buds seem to just kind of solidify. They get the shape that they're supposed to be, and all of them do that. And if you step back and you look at that tree, that tree kind of has a shape. Not like it was shaped in the spring, but it kind of had the shape of how that tree is going to be you see for that season. So at an individual level, it's sort of like things just kind of solidified. You get a job and you keep it. few bucks extra in the checkbook or whatever and you do the check book and you balance it. Just kind of like responsible things. You tell somebody you're going to be there to make coffee, you get there. You say you're gonna be here, you usually do if you don't you call but you start to get some kind of sense a responsibility so during that second year as just kind of a smoothing out place you just it just kind smooths out. So you hear people say well that first year was just crazier and heck now the work begins and you know there's all these little different things that we have so then we come to the end of that second season or that second year and it's kind of comfortable for the most part it's pretty comfortable then we think it can't get any better than this but then lo and behold the next season approaches so the oak tree is standing out there with all its green leaves and all of a sudden it starts to notice it's turning yellow and orange and there's fruits and harvests and nuts and so it's like that third year is usually we talk about like I'm in the groove you know it's sometimes it's, like you can't do anything wrong just this things start to really fall in place you know during that third year of sobriety and you really you know things line up relationships and all that stuff they just really line up. So in organizations you'll see those types of characteristics. Even in AA groups or meetings 24, third year usually, things are just really in order and see everything is happy. See that oak tree standing out there during its third season? And it's just saying they have little things like you'll hear, if it's not broke don't fix it. In other words, don't touch anything. I want it to stay this way forever. This is good. I have arrived in sobriety. Some people said it was going to take ten years. I did it in three. Look at how my life is. But you see, the oak tree is standing out there and then one day the temperature changes just a little bit and this gust of wind comes along and it blows most of the leaves away. So it's the approach, you see of that winter season. But the oak trees are saying no problem, the kid's tough here. So I lose a few leaves, see. Not a big deal. So about a week later, the temperature changes just a little bit and whoosh, the oak tree loses more leaves and the oak trees standing out there wondering what the heck is going on. But it's still saying, I can maintain. See, I've kind of got it together. So then a few more weeks go along. The few remaining leaves that's hanging on the branches of the oak tree, the wind blows those away too. saw in a few more days that oak tree all of a sudden starts to say wait a minute wait a minutes wait a minutes something's not right here and it starts to look at the forest and it sees the forest looks dead just a little while before it was colorful and everything was together or it looked like at work they say work sucks it used to be fun to work here but it's not fun to work her anymore so it starts to do an examination of its rug of life and it looks at the relationship and it says, you know, this relationship used to be fun. We used to do things like he just sits on the TV, watches football. We didn't do nothing together and it's not that great either besides, you know... It's just like rut time and you kind of look at yourself in the mirror, you know? Some mornings like during that beginning of winter season you go, you know. It's like you start to not to be able to stand yourself and then you have a... You just start to like something's wrong but you don't know what it is. You just sense, like, I must have done something wrong. But you see, then you go to meetings and you find out meetings suck too. Jesus. Well, I mean, these make no sense. You know, I'm supposed to go to these meetings to get something and that guy there talked 23 minutes. He didn't say anything. That one judged this one and that one did this. I can't stand those meetings. See, you call up your sponsor and here's a space case or she's a place case. They make no sens. you try to read the big book can't read the Big Book try to pray you don't feel like praying not really you know it's just lip service besides that it doesn't work so you see it's doing that winter season you kind of have withdrawal you kind want to like be alone you just all of a sudden something seems to not be right now there's a wintertime prayer and it goes something like this we say one morning we say to the creator we say you know I know in a big book it says I'm not supposed to pray for myself but in case you're making an exception I have a little list I have been thinking about so here goes in case you're listening so I'll put these in a priority in an order of which I would like them granted just in case you were willing to make an exception one I would be I would want a cabin in the mountain Two, I want to go there by myself Like the old man I know you know I love him I know it doesn't look like lately that I do But I really do But I don't want him along See, the kids Let him keep them Kids are just driving me nuts You know I just can't I can't stand this I'll take the dog I'll pick up the dog I'll get a bunch of books to read I'll dig a big pot of chicken noodle soup With an infinite supply of fried bread I say, no television. No television. But I want to go there by myself. I don't want nobody to know where I am. I just want to be alone. So in that winter season, it's a season of withdrawal that's good. We're supposed to. It's a time of reflection. Now people will do a lot of dumb things during winter season if they don't know about winter. A lot of times you'll see it's called burnout at work. It's time to move on. See, bring out what happens. Three to four. It's fine. It's the time to move on here. It used to be fun. Look, these managers here, they just got everything all screwed up. If they just left it alone, it would have been good, but they had to go mess with it. Now everybody's fighting. It's not fun to work here anymore. See, and you look at the relationship, and you just drive you nuts. You don't want to participate in it, and you feel guilty because you're thinking that way, but it just doesn't seem right. People will leave jobs. They'll go take new jobs during the winter season. So they'll go take a new job, not necessarily because this job is really good and because it will benefit them. So, they'll take the new job to get the heck out of that one. See? So,they leave for the wrong reason. They very often move across country, do things, you see, during that winter season. Many people will leave relationships that didn't need to have been left. Things could have been worked through years. 4 to 5 the next season years 7 to 8 11 to 12 15 to 16 many people slip in sobriety years 4 to 6 5 7 to 18 11 to 14 because of that winter season see they do dumb things because all of a sudden it seems like something is wrong but nothing is wrong because you see during the winter season there are three questions that we lose the answer to. There's three questions that we get the answer to when we first go into our spring season. Like in an Indian culture our ceremonies our dances those cultures things that we do are always about putting us in touch with the answer to three questions. And that if I know the answer to these three questions I can pretty much take life on its terms if I know the answers to why am I? What is my purpose? Who am I ? What is My identity ? And where am I going ? That I know a direction. So in my mind we'll always feel comfortable, grounded, centered if I now the answer to those three questions. Why am I, who am I and where am i going ? But if I lose the answer to one or more of those three question then I start to appear to be lost. Crazy, insane. if I don't know why I am, if I do not know who I am anymore. Now, I think it is important for us to know that during that fourth year, like during the fourth year you work a set of steps different than you do the first three. You always work in harmony with the season, the season that you are in. Am I in spring? Am I fall? Am I summer or what? It is kind of easy. one way is tomorrow morning when you get up get a cup of coffee or tea whatever and you just sit and think when was the last time that my life really turned to crap when did it really go to hell so if it was two years ago then that's winter so if its now then I'm in spring or I'm summer but very often you'll see that these seasons of sobriety are right in sync with when you first came into a program that starts out your season when we come into recovery. And these seasons are not necessarily in harmony with the seasons outside, they're in harmony what seasons in here. So it could be winter outside and you could be in your spring, your personal springtime of growth. Now you take being in a relationship. A relationship also will have a cycle of seasons. So every four years, typically a relationship will go through a type of a need for renewal. Because what happens when we look at how do we grow, we grow in circles. So we really grow in a direction like this, in a virtual ring. But what happens is, say we go spring, summer, fall, winter. What happens is we transition to a new orbit. And this is why we appear to be nuts. You see, when we go around our first seasons and we get our leaves, what are our leaves? My new truth. My clarity. What I learned through praying. I know where to go in a big book. I know about acceptance. If this goes wrong, read 449. Sponsors tell us. We go there again and again and all of a sudden we know when this goes right, when this does wrong, do this. We start to get it. See, when you get mad, instead of letting your lips move, zip your lip. See, go to the 11th step. Pause. Ask for the creator for the right thought or action. And when we don't let our lips move against other people, we start to get along with them. It's like we start to get that. But the other way was let the lips move first. So we start to see these leaves are these little techniques and these skills that I have learned and we build this tree of who I am now. Then we develop our way of kind of getting along in life. But what happens is the Creator causes a shift to take place in the unseen world. We shift. So now we're traveling at a different momentum, see? A different speed. But the thing is, we don't know that. So it'd be just like, all of a sudden you're traveling faster so you go try your old stuff but it doesn't work in the new orbit. So you get angry and say, oh I know what to do. And you go and pray and all of the sudden it don't work. See? There was that mistake. You say, I must have done something wrong. So all of a sudden the things that we know quit working. But the reason is we have shifted in the unseen world to a new place. So that is why we think I've done something wrong. The insanity has returned. So I have to go back to another set of steps to sync myself up, you see, to handle that transition. Now these seasons so the winter time is a time of renewal that is it's okay to go through a reflective time so you kind of pretend in a way to build this altar then during that winter season see it's really good in winter seasons like you take in a relationship do you ever notice sometimes there's certain times in relationships it's like right now I'm in my winter season 15 to 16 Now, it was really helpful that Deborah knows that. Or when she's in her season and you know that because sometimes in a relationship it's like, you know how your mate or whatever they'll say, well what's wrong? Well nothing. There must be. Well there isn't. I just, is it me? Then they try to guess and keep trying to get this dialogue going, you And what really is the truth is, if not you, if not anything, I just don't want to talk to you or no one else. I just need this time to be alone. So once you know about the seasons, then to one another you can say that when you know that like you're in the winter season and not be offended. So you just start to look at things a little bit different because you can have your relationship in a four-year cycle. She could be in that relationship, she could be personally in her winter and you could be in your fall season. You know what fall season people, if you're in winter, see, you hate fall season people because they get up in the morning and say, oh God, look at that sun. It's smiling, it's radiant, lights are beaming total ecstasy and joy in my life and look at these flowers. The winter season people They hate those fall people. So you go, I don't want to talk to them. You know how they are? They smell in the flowers and everything is great. It drives you crazy. So you don't wanna be around them. So if you know what one another's seasons are, it just really helps a lot in understanding that there's transitions and there's things taking place in unseen worlds. So that winter season, do you know it's okay okay during the winter season to build a little altar and mentally put on there whatever you want to say. Don't feel bad. Hate these kids today. Put it on there. It's okay to say it. Doesn't mean you do. It means you just got to say everything is fair game. It is okay just to put it on there. Now, when you know about the seasons, it is very healthy for winter season people hang around with spring people. They're more sympathetic because they just come through it. So sometimes like winter season, the only thing that I know to do certain days is just laugh like hell because there's like nothing else to do. Go see funny movies or get some videos or whatever you know and just lighten up winter season. You should just light up not be really serious during that winter season Now, our only option, you see the seasons are going to go on, like the geese. If a geese could make a choice, they could not fly when they're supposed to fly. Now there's a consequence for them not flying. So there's also a consequence for us if we don't work in harmony with these seasons. In the springtime it's when we bud, then mature in the second, then the harvest the third year in the winter season is a season of letting go. Be willing to let go of your clarity of your beliefs of who you think you are of your identity because by then the ego mask has done a pretty good job of entrenching you see new things these kind of ego masks are very very interesting we've got to be willing that winter season that fourth year we've gotta be willing to let go the other three we take the fourth season we let go see a winter season is a way to prepare us for the new spring so that we can bud again grow in new areas because we have a tendency to hang on to that which we know works but as we all know the ego always works on where you have your shit together right where you think you're hot that's where the ego is working it doesn't worry about your junk junk takes care of junk so you'll see you'll come in a program you know nothing then you gain a little bit of knowledge then by the second year once in a while you speak and people go hey wow you liked what you said that's really nice so then the third year you're the heavy so then when the heavy comes in knowing all these truths then you sit in the meetings and you judge again so in other words the ego mask tends to make yourself righteous he's not going to make it he should be on step four and he's not doing step three very thorough now one's not going to the meetings enough and why are those old-timers, why don't they come here? And why are they saying what they're saying? So kind of secretly, you know, you just all of a sudden, well that's what you've got to let go. Be willing to let goes of that because there's ego masks that get built in that way. So the only option we have is to resist the seasons or work in harmony with them. Now what does that mean? Say in the springtime the weather gets nice and you put on your bathing suit. Then the summer season comes and you wear that bathing suit and you're doing all that stuff out in the yard. Then the fall season comes and it's still nice weather and you are wearing all your, doing your whatever in your bathing suit. Then somebody says, by the way, winter is coming. I think you ought to change your clothes. I ain't doing it. I've dressed like this the last three years and I'm staying just like this. I'm not changing. I like it this way. So if you're freezing your ass in February, then don't be complaining. So we have the option, you see, of resisting or working in harmony with the seasons. So that fourth year, working in harmonies means be willing to let go. It's okay to withdraw. Reflectively think. Everything is fair game. Be willing to let go of your clarity, of your truth, the things that you know. Be willing to let go of them. Because what happens if I say I'm the oak tree and I see some of the leaves go away and I say I'm hanging on to this leaf I'm hanging on to my clarity and that wind is trying to go it's getting you in trouble that's an old leave I'm doing it see I talked to my sponsor he said it's okay to hang on to some things because he hung on to something for 20 years so I'm going to hang on to them too it's ok right then you're going to have that resistance now not only that if you hang on to that you'll take that into your new tree when it grows you'll not only have your new buds but you have the opportunity to work those old issues you hung on to also for another full cycle of seasons if that makes sense so we've got to look at working in harmony with them because the steps what they help us to do is to get a real firm handle on these three questions why am I in recovery the big book tells you our real purpose is to be of maximum use to the Great Spirit and help others. Who am I? Eleventh step. We carry a vision of God's will into every area of our life and that's where I'm going. That once I know the answer to those three questions I can just take on whatever life has to offer because being in this program as we get into recovery as native people is not about hiding in the program It's not about not being responsible. It's about participating in life on its terms. It's no about hiding in it. It's getting out there, doing things, making mistakes, taking risks, growing, trying, getting education. Whatever that is for us, it's about just participating in the life to its max. But every four years we lose the answer to those three questions. When we lose an answer to them then we think we're nuts. We're not. I think the greatest value for me was when an elder told me this I ain't crazy and that's really valuable information in recovery if you know you're not nuts that it's supposed to be that way the birds know when to fly and when to come back we as human beings growing in recovery will grow through a set of circles a set of seasons and in the winter season see one season is not better or worse than the other. It just is. Winter's not bad. Spring is not better than winter. There's four seasons that we participate in, in growing, and one of those seasons happens to be a season of letting go. See, what would happen if the tree would never let go of its leaves? It'd always stay the same darn shape. So the Creator has a way of helping us so we become of maximum use the next season. Maximum use, we do more, do better and that we grow. So there's things going on the elders said in the unseen world that helps us to do that. So we go through one cycle, we renew and then we do it again, we'll do it and we do it again, and that's how we grow in circles. Just like the elders have said. So I thought I would just share that part because it really helped me being able to locate where I am in those seasons. Is there any questions on this? Or comments? Does that make sense? Huh? Okay. Yeah, so if some of you are like 7 to 8, 4 to 5 or whatever, lighten up. Lighten up, you're probably really okay. Or you'll see some people just coming out of like 11 to 12 or something, you'll start to bud it's a budding season don't panic don't do anything dumb and as we go through the steps we'll talk about how to work steps during the winter season also any comments or questions? yes Yeah, we'll touch on what those seasons are also when we talk more about the laws of the unseen world. When we come back from our break, we're going to then talk about the medicine wheel concepts and laws and how do they fit the steps because then they make you want to look forward to doing the steps. So let's take about a 14-minute break. The other things going on, like we say, for example, all of our ancestors are alive inside of us. There's certain things that we know from a long time ago have an effect on us and that when we get into recovery, then those things are all interplay. So we want to take just a few minutes and look at some things about wholeness thinking because the steps travel in a circle and we wantto look at the whole first and then come back and lookat it a step at a time. So the elders, they use this medicine wheel. No, no. Many tribes have medicine wheels. Some don't. They're different, different colors, different shapes, different meanings, different teachings. So I'll use the one from my tribe because I have permission to do so. So, what the elders they tell us is that there are certain things. They said a long time ago the Great Spirit when He made the system that He made, it's a balanced system. That the earth is a source of all life. We call that the Mother Earth. Then she gives life to the insect that gives life to the bird that gives life all the way up. So from the Sun to the earth is a cycle of life, everything travels in a circle or in a cycle. So they said if there's certain things we need to know about how this whole system works, the one that the Creator put into place then we work with that it'll be different. So they say one thing if we take a look at the system that the creator made they said everything travels in circles. So we have to design our programs to travel in circles. They said another thing is that the Creator made this system and it has a system of harmony. It's a harmonious system, that in this harmonious system then it is guided by a system of conflict. So let's just say around the outside of the medicine world would be a field of conflict. As long as that circle stayed a circle, nothing would happen but if it would bulge in one place then it would hit that place of conflict so that conflict is a feedback system that says you're out of harmony come back in line. So we need to develop a point of view like a mouse point of you or ego point of views. The mouse sees conflict as something's wrong the eagle sees conflict is something that needs to be corrected. Nothing is wrong, it's just the way it is. So that we are guided always by a system of conflict. Now in us as human beings it'll say when you're agitated or doubtful, pause, ask the Creator for the right thought or action, come back into harmony. If we get resentment, dishonesty, selfish fear, it means we're out of harmony. As conflict occurs in our lives and it's just corrected to come back in. So when we experience conflict and growing, that doesn't mean we've done something wrong or we're bad people. It just means that we went out of harmony. So we need to realize the Creator made us, designed us to live in harmony and we stay in that harmony placed by a system of conflict. We constantly will go off track, on track, off track on track. So conflict is not bad it is a friend. The next thing they said is that the system that the Creator put into place has two roads polarity as a plus for every plus there's a minus there's always things are made in twos so we have here there up down boy girl honest dishonest, responsible, irresponsible. There's always two roads that we walk so many of us we say that road that we should follow is a red road like the name of this recovery conference see it's that road there's a red Road then there's another road we can walk and many of Us have went to that road and walked out when we were drinking so in that road you see there's other things going on so we need to know there's two roads then they also said that in the system that the creator put into place there are two worlds that exist they call it the seen world and unseen world the physical world the spiritual world and that both of those worlds the spiritual world and the physical world they are run by that the creator made a set of laws, a set of principles, and a set of values. And that if we conduct our thinking in harmony with those laws or those principles, we run our families, run our organizations, build our relationships in harmony with those principles, laws, and values, by laws there are certain results we will experience in our lives. But I have the option of living out of harmony with those laws, with those principles, with those values. And if I do that, I will see results also. But they won't be the same results. So they said you have to know there's two roads. There's spiritual laws, there's physical laws. Now they said also, they said, there are two states of mind that we can be in as human beings. They said one state of mind we can being is in a state of I don't know what I don' t know. Now if you think about that just a little while, that if you don't what you don' , you can be in deep shit and not even know it. You can think this is really good like how long I didn't know I had a disease, alcoholism. I thought she quit nagging then I would quit doing this or if this would happen or this would happen, see? That's what I was thought. I didn't know about... So they said there is another state of mind we can be in so that one state isn't a mind of I don't know what I don' know. They said then you can get to that state of mind of now I know what i don't now. Now if you think about that just a little while once you know what you don't, hell you're alcoholic you know and you start to learn about that then you're going to go straighten some stuff out. So they they said there's places that we can be in. If we don't know about these laws or the spiritual values, it's just like, see why is our culture so important in recovery? Culture is what teaches us how to live. That's what the culture does. Supposing we leave the culture, then we don' t know how to life. So then we end up in this other road. Not knowing what we don't known and knowing everything has turned to crap for us. So they say there are two worlds, a seen world and an unseen world. That's guided by principle laws and values. Then the next thing they told us about this world that Creator put into place, they said in this world everything is connected to one another. We are all related. They say it different ways, see? The talk we asked them, they say all different ways but they said the system of Creator made everything is connected. So maybe we have to ask ourselves these questions is maybe, is there an unseen world? Is everything really connected? Is that really true? See because we can't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I can look up in the sky at nighttime and see all the stars like that then there'll be someplace I'll see no stars but I could take electronic telescope and I could and focus it in that dark spot. See, it's the instrument that allows me to see in the unseen world. My eyes, I won't see that. But I'll look at this instrument and adjust it where that dark space is or where that spot is and I'll be darned. Look at all those stars are there. Because I can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. I could say it'd be downtown Albuquerque lunchtime and say there's a hundred people walking around maybe fourteen dogs. And then let's say I have one of these little dog whistles, you know. Well, a human being cannot hear that sound of a dog whistle. Dogs can hear it. So say around lunchtime I start blowing that whistle like that. The human beings will keep right on talking and gossiping with each other. Fourteen dogs, they'll stop right in their tracks. Who blew that whistle? Must be time for lunch. See, there's this even sound you see in the unseen world. Well, let's just say we look in the unseen world, that smallness. Say I want to look at, see what is my arm made of? So say I would have this instrument, the electronic microscope. And say we could display it up there on the screen. So I stick my arm in there. But I would focus looking at smallness to say what is our arm made off and I focus it down. What's made a muscle? Well, what does muscles made of tissue? What is the tissue made of strands? What are the strands made of? Cells. What are the cells made of? I go down, down, down in an unseen world. We get to a level where you see I would be simply made up of a little system of medicine wheels called the atom. The inner center is a spirit or energy and in a circle harmonious way are the electrons and protons. In a balanced manner all circulating around so you'd see I'm a system of atoms that my body is held together by a spirit or energy. That's the way that it is in the unseen world. So let's just say then we took a look at the air, focus that down down down. We would see it's made up of the same thing I am. Electron are two differently but basically at that level it's a system of atoms just like me. But at the very center of my being in the center of the atom system I'm connected in the very middle of everything and connected. So let's say we put you under that microscope, focus down, down,down,down down, say Jerry then we would see that you are you couldn't tell me from you at that level. This is a system of atoms that makes up a human being but the very center of your system we are connected like this at that very center Now when we talk about this interconnected system, so that means then you are connected to everyone here in the same way. We're connected to every plant, every rock, every tree, every bird, every insect because they're made up of the same things but the electrons change. But at the center of all things were connected. But then we say, well so what? You know like big deal. Now have you ever noticed how you can tell when you're not liked? Ah yes. Have you ever noticed how you can't tell when your not wanted? Have you ever noticed, how you could tell when somebody thinks you're dumber than dirt? Have you ever gone into a store as an Indian person and you know you're being watched? I mean, they're really cool. They watch you in that mirror and you- they know that they think you're going to go take something. You ever watch that? Now why is that? You see, if my thinking is in harmony with those principle laws and values, where they are is at the very center. That's where they're located. So if my thing is in harmonies and because we're connected you will be able to sense that. But if they're out of harmony you will sense that too. Now, it's not the words that makes it so. There's something else how we can tell. See, if it was the words that made it so I would be able to say I love you and it'd be so. But let's suppose I said that to you five minutes to one Saturday night in the country and western bar just before it closed. Right? Well, No, if I say I love you, true love. Haven't we met before? We've been together in another lifetime, right? Whatever it is, see? You look like someone I know, don't you? So if I have just using the words, but my intent is something else, so she might say, what is he after? So if I'm out of spirit and intent because we're connected in the unseen world, you will always pick up spirit and intense. If it's in harmony, you will sense it. But if it's out of harmony, you will sens that too. So if somebody doesn't like Indian people, even though they say, Oh, do you know this? I know this one Indian who lives in South Dakota. Do you know him? And they'll give you their name. You know how they do that? Some of my best friends are Indians. But if they are speaking out of spirit and intent, then you will be able to sense that. Or if you are speaking out of Spirit and intent someone will be able to sense that So a lot of the things we're looking at in the steps is to do with looking at also the unseen world Where have I been out of spirit and intent? Because if I think that I can sometimes they call it sweet lips training You know where I got the stuff and I'm walking around trying to be cool and trying to not be who I am and all this stuff. Other people will pick up on that because I'm out of spirit and intent. They will just sense that. So very often, I have lived out of Spirit and intent for a long time when I'm drinking. And then certain results I get for living out of harmony. See, that's the other road. So the steps is about finding out where that is and letting me come back so that I speak from that place of principles that the steps talks about. We live this principle way of life so it means I come back to that road and I have to start looking at designing in my mind a way of living in harmony with the unseen world. But very often we're under the delusion I can get away with it if I got good words but we cannot not in relationships not to one another See, what step you want. You see that? No, it doesn't take about three weeks to get in a program. The best place to hide is, say, step four. Especially the old-timers come around. What step you on? Four. They leave you alone. Or they'll come in and say, What step do you want? Well, I'm between step two and three. How do you get between step one and three? How do I get between two and two and step three? Well, you're a waltzer, right? One, two, three, one, two three, one, twos, three. See, so it's about knowing ourselves and how do we work. So we need to know, the elders said, it's interconnected. You cannot get away with nothing. You can think you can, but you cannot. That there is an unseen world, in an unseen worldview, where we're all connected, you cannot hide, but you will think that you can. So it's a matter of getting right with that. So as we start to look at the steps, See, we look at the whole thing, not just the piece. Everything that we do, you see, is a balance. It's about harmony. Conflict is what will guide us to harmony. Conflikt is going to be the friend in the step, not an enemy. Because you experience a conflict... Many times in our religious training we are taught when there's conflict, you're wrong. does a sin you sinned you know and so when we grow like the same elder i was talking to you about earlier when i was about two years sober i went up to him and i said i had just had it with growing you know working steps and praying doing all this stuff because i said you know i said trying to walk this red road man this is tough you know And he said, well, let me show you something. So he took a stick in his backyard and he drew a line on the ground like that and he said I want you to walk on that stick, on that line, one foot behind the other. So I got on that lane like that and I started walking like this and he was elder, he'd walk right beside of me like this and all of a sudden he gave me a big push and I go way off this side and he says get back on thatline. So I get back there and he walked. So I walked like that and then he pushed me this way and I go way off that line. Get back on that line! So I get back there so he walked like this. So he just seven, eight times he pushed my leg like that. So then he said to me, he said, when you are growing, he said what it says is you are walking a red road not a red line. So he took that stick and he drew a line way on each side of where my footprints was. He said that's how wide the red road is. He said, you're trying to walk a red line. It's a red road. That the mistake is just as sacred as being on track. The mistake is just as secret. He said you need to respect your defects because it is through the defect that you learn the knowledge of the Great Spirit. That's where he talks to you. So he said don't be criticizing yourself when you make that mistake over there. Because that happened and it's not wrong, sin, guilt all that stuff. You see, you're really there to look for the correction. Always looking for the collection. So he says in a way, lighten up. That road that the Creator made for us to walk, the red road, it's a big wide highway. Everything on that road is sacred. That life and growing. See, the Creator mad us to learn by trial and error. Everything He made learns... You take a little baby, learns to walk. When you get that age, you hold your fingers like that and they learn to walk, first thing they do is bam! Right down on their butt they go. Make a mistake right away. Now you can imagine the adults, what we do to that little baby we go, alright! You did it! That little kid just you know puts his fingers back up and gets back up smashes his head to the left. Right? Alright! You did It! To the right. Back. Well all that time they're learning balance and they're learning all that stuff. Then you see in about three or four months and all of a sudden is walking. How did he learn to do that? All by mistake, by trial and error. And we respect that. But that's how the Creator made us to learn is by going off track, on track, off track. So we need to respect ourselves when we come into this and work in the steps is about finding those issues which help us discover that knowledge of the Creator. It is through the defect where we discover that knowledge. That doesn't mean that it's bad or wrong. Now, in the medicine world too, we often talk about the four directions of things. So we'll talk about the four dimensions of life. Baby, youth, adult and elder. And that's our direction. That's the way life goes in a circle. But very often when we come into recovery, many of us, there is a place where the medicine wheel is broken and for many of us that medicine wheel is broken between the youth and the adult because you see we grow up or whatever then many of us we start drinking when we are in the youth so physically we will grow up our bodies will grow we get married we have children but emotionally we are like teenagers we don't grow up We're immature, even though we're older. I remember I first come into recovery. You know, I was out to divorce and all that stuff. Then when I finally got to that point, I went in a relationship. I went out with this woman twice and I found myself going in my jewelry box trying to find my class ring. I wanted it to go steady. Hell, I'm 33 years old. They don't even go steady no more. Right? But I wanted to go sturdy. I wanted a pinner, you know, so you show all your bud. You know, she's wearing my ring. Grace says, you know, nearly halfway to the coffin and I'm still, you see, still going this old way. So very often when we come back and we work the steps, it's about growing up. It's about coming back to that place and continuing my growth. Does that make sense? This is broken. It's not good or bad. it's where we stop in the unseen world. So, we've got to come back there, do some things and grow up to become mentally healthy and mature. Now, what we're leading up to is because the steps is to take a look at the human being who is in recovery from a native point of view. Well, let's look at what would it look like for a native person to grow up? Now, did the Creator make a path of things that we are supposed to experience as we grow up? Is that already in place or is it just an accident? Or is there something we are suppose to do? So if we look a little bit further at what is it like to grow up as a native person because if we have an idea about that then we get into the steps, we look at the steps or we read the big book from a native point of view. So, we want to just take a look at this cycle of life. So, when we look at that and then we're going to go and apply just these basic concepts to an approach through the 12 steps from an Indian way of looking at it. Now, we're gonna talk about these developmental cycles here and about growing up. See, very often we judge one another just based on things that we see about one another. So we look at that one and say, those Indian men, they can't trust, don't talk, don' feel. You hear sometimes about that. Or look at the stone face, so that one doesn't talk or this one does that. So we tend to start judging and putting people in categories, but you know a lot of times we don't know what's really going on inside of a person. Sometimes we don t even know what s going on within ourselves. So we want to talk about growing up because it seems that the Creator made a system for us to grow as human beings, to grow up to be mentally healthy. that there's certain things we're supposed to experience. And if we don't experience them, then we will see behavioral differences later on. So we want to talk about that. So when we look at certain things in the steps, we're looking at it with a point of reference that will make sense to us as human beings. So if we take a look at this cycle of life of an Indian person, and this applies I think to any human being, But it seems that when a baby is born as a human being, one of the first things it needs to experience is a sense of trust. And this might be from birth to maybe 18 months. That time frame. That child needs to experienced a sense or trust. It's a feeling. In other words, that little baby... You see moms hold them every time they cry and they touch them and carry them and they do all this stuff just constantly with them. That's why, in a traditional way, they carried them every place they went. Right? In a traditional Way. They always, they never, never, the discipline, everything was just, they just, no matter if they worked or what they did, they just had that baby hanging on them all the time. Now, what happens is, because there's two roads, let's suppose that the baby, like the sense of trust, it doesn't develop a sense of truth. See, a sense de trust, when you have that, it's a feeling. And this feeling is like the world is a good place and man, I belong in it. See, that sense of trust. Because if you don't have a sense of truth there's two roads. Then you have a sense of mistrust. So if you have a senseof mistrust inside of that human being then later on you'll see behavioral differences occur. So if I have a senseoff mistrust in other words the world isn't a good place and I don't belong here. Then later on you see wall builders, difficult time in relationships, cannot connect, cannot be intimate. So as we look through these steps and we start to realize now that maybe trust is an issue. That's the normal state for the human being. See I thought for a long time trust was abnormal. You're stupid to trust. Where I was raised, that's dumb. When I was drinking, I would never trust no one I didn't drink. Geez, look at the guy. Don't drink, don't trust him. Right? It's like you don't know what you don't own. So I thought you only trust me. You trust your buds that are drinking. So, I thought it was abnormal for a human being to trust. I thought it was stupid if people trusted. But then later on, I learned that the fish by its design was designed to swim. The bird was designed to fly. The human being is designed to trust. That is a natural state of the human being. But I didn't know that until a little bit later on. Now, let's just say that like a baby, like they have this thing called TLC. Like a long time ago in Germany, they used to find that most babies put in orphanages died. They'd feed them, change their diapers, but most babies put in the orphanages just died in the 1800s. So when they started to research that, they found out in Germany there was this orphanage where the babies weren't dying. And they sent a little team over there saying why is that happening? So when it got over there, there's this big German lady and she had you know work there. But she had this system, she'd hang a string of diapers. She'd have this diaper hanging on her shoulder and she'd have one kid in that little pouch. This side she'd have another pouch, see? She'd had a kid hanging in there and then she'd have it on her back and they were hanging on their back, three of them. So she'd walk around doing her work and cooking. See these babies are just flopping all over her like that. Well what they found out was that that was this simple. Those kids had developed this sense of trust and so they were they would continue to live see so one of the things we need to know when we come back to this principle laws and values when we start to change our thinking if i find and i discover look at my unmanageability or i get seeing where am i in terms of spirit and intent with that if i found out i'm a mistrusting person i have a lot of mistrust well then what happens if I go work on...