Terri S. on Long-Term Sobriety, Service, and the Agnostic’s Higher Power — Terry S.

About This Speaker Tape

Brooklyn, age six: a bottle of pain tablets swallowed because one pill felt good and the whole bottle promised better. For Terry S., the die was cast early. She spent decades as the affable drunk, the "functional" addict who could out-drink her peers and dodge the law while drifting through retail jobs and medical offices. She describes a life of "stupid lucky" escapes, calling in her own prescriptions and stealing time, all while hiding behind a likable mask.

The wreckage peaked in 2001 with a blackout call to work. After a four-day detox, she found a sponsor who handled her agnostic doubts with a simple, concrete tool: "Anytime you see the color blue, you'll know your Higher Power is with you." Even after a 2003 slip fueled by Crohn's disease and prescription meds, Terry found her footing. Now, she relies on service and the "insurance" of sponsoring other women to keep the monkey off her back.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction to Terry S. and her childhood history of substance use
• 12:45 Terry discusses her first attempt at sobriety in 1994 to save her relationship
• 16:15 Description of a relapse in Coconut Grove triggered by a 'Painkiller' drink
• 21:30 Hitting bottom in 2001 and the experience of a four-day detox
• 25:40 Finding a sponsor and using the color blue as a bridge to a Higher Power
• 31:10 A relapse on prescribed pain meds in 2003 and establishing a permanent sobriety date
• 35:20 Childhood memories of a dysfunctional home in Brooklyn and an early out-of-body experience
• 51:10 Working the steps again at 10 years sober to fix internal resentment and behavior
• 55:40 Discussing financial amends and the danger of online gambling