Tenth Step on Paper — Keeping It in My Head Never Worked — Ranaldi C.

They say it works when you work it, you know, and that we can only keep what we have by giving it away. Check it out. Hi, my name is Misty and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome to the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers meeting at the NABBA Club, where a member of Alcoholics Anonymous with one year or more of sobriety tells his or her story. This reading is based on a passage from page 29 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each individual in their own personal stories describes in their own language and from their own point of view the way they establish their relationship with God. These give a fair cross-section of our membership and a clear-cut idea of what has happened in their lives. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. Our hope is that many alcoholic men and women in our room tonight and listening later on aabloochipspeaker.org desperately in need will hear our speaker. And we believe that it is only by fully disclosing ourselves and our problems that any of us shall be persuaded to say, yes, I am one of them and I must have this thing too. I'm really excited to announce tonight's speaker because I remember two years ago, this was one of the first meetings I came to and I saw him and I thought, oh my God, what a cool guy. And I thought one day I'm going to introduce him and here I am tonight introducing him. So I'd like to introduce Rinaldi, a.k.a. I am Rinaldi and I'm an alcoholic. I'm sober today by God's grace and mercy and the company I keep. Appreciate everybody being here tonight. It's pretty cool. It's a lot of people here too, so that's even cooler. That's a Friday day. This is February 24, 2021. I've got a sponsor. He's got a sponsor. He's got a sponsor. Sponsor other guys. Try to work a pretty tight program because I had a pretty reckless life. So I got to double down on mine. Let me kick it off like this. So I got a parents, mother, dad still together. Been together like 30 years. Sister, two older brothers that decided to have two kids before that. They're pretty cool. Don't really get to kick it with them. I come from one of those families were from Wisconsin and they like to sit out there in the backyard playing dominoes and drinking all that. So me being the always curious type, I was the runner. Why don't you give me a drink? Make sure you wash your hands. Put some ice in the glass. You know, so naturally I see them laughing and talking. I'm just like, yo, this is pretty cool. I like this. So, you know, the years go by. We went up there one summer. It's maybe my first encounter with alcohol. My mom left her bottle sitting there. Me and my cousin just looked at it and I turned it up and I can't remember the liquor went in my mouth or not. From that moment on, I was like, I'm going to try you one day. I'm going to try you later on through the years. That's exactly what happened at the best for us. But they didn't try. They did. So they sent us to private school, which was pretty cool, but it was really closed in. So I was really sheltered. So I would say that during that time, you know, I had maybe six, seven, eight people in the class with me, uniforms, the whole nine yards. So they decided that they were going to send us on a mission trip. This is my first encounter with alcohol. They decided they were going to send us on a mission trip. We went to Honduras and I had this crush on this girl and we was always hanging out together. And me and this other guy, we decided that when we got there, we were going to buy some liquor, you know, because I said I was always going to try it. So I tried it that day and we bought some liquor and we got drunk right before communion. Me and the girl had fun on a bench. That was my first experience with that. That was pretty cool, too. It was pretty interesting. But we went to communion and I'm just sitting there super drunk, washing somebody's feet. And I'm just like, man. Man, this is weird. And I decided that was that was that was the that was the OK experience with alcohol on the first try. It was OK. But on the way back to the States, me and the guy decided to buy more liquor. And fortunately, I got caught with the liquor in my book bag and got kicked out of school. So my parents weren't too happy about that. That was an experience, too. That was a really bad one. But after that, I went to public school. And you could say that everything changed dramatically. No longer was I in that closed in space anymore where everything was safe, you know, or you had to teach your right there to help you. And you had your close little knit friends. You knew everybody was all groovy, you know. And I went to public school and that's when, like, I'll say this first. I tried my hand in sports. I forgot this is a very important part. This is the part that carries all the way throughout my process. I tried my hand in sports, and I was on the basketball team. And I sucked. I'm not even going to lie. I was horrible. But I still went out there and I tried, you know. And I tried my best. So, you know, everything, I was giving it all. And I remember I was going down the court and I was running. And somebody threw the ball. And the ball just hit me in the back of the head and I just tumbled over. And everybody just laughed. Everybody was just sitting there just laughing. The grown-ups, the kids, everybody was laughing. And you could totally say that that just shut. That shut me down for the rest of my life almost. And when you talk about fear, that was that fear in me. So, by the time I got to high school, I was scared. Scared to death. Scared to meet people. I was scared to go to class. I was scared to play sports. I was scared completely. I didn't want everybody laughing. I did not want everybody to laugh at me. And it stuck. I'll say this. When I was a little kid, I used to cry, cry, cry. And my dad would put beer on the tip of my tongue. And I would stop crying. So, you know, all these little thoughts. Thoughts or rundowns of alcohol just kind of rushed back in when I saw this crowd of people. And I was like, whoa. They're not going to class. They're smoking pot. We moved to a neighborhood. I didn't get a chance to go talk to them because I was scared. I didn't want to go talk to them. But I just saw them. And I was like, man, I kind of want to hang out with y'all. Y'all are reckless. Y'all are rebels. Y'all are mean, you know. So, we moved to this neighborhood. And in that neighborhood, I had a little mixture of everybody. We had some Asians over here, some Spanish, some blacks, some whites. And me and the black guy crossed the street. He came and knocked on the door. And he was, was your sister home? I was like, what the fuck? We just moved in. They're like, yeah, I'm good. And I'm like, you don't want to hang out with me? He's like, is your sister home? And I was like, yeah. So, I went and got my sister. But after that, me and him became really cool. And he gave me a little courage hanging out with him because he was real outgoing. And I ended up being one of my best friends. But we used to venture around the neighborhood. And I ended up meeting all the people that I saw at school. I was like, oh, wow. I lived in the Berkmart. I mean, the Meadow Creek District because I'm from Gwinnett County pretty much. But I lived in the Meadow Creek District. And they all went to Meadow Creek. And I went to Berkmart. But a couple other guys went to Berkmart, too. But I ended up meeting all these people in the neighborhood. And they were cool. And they were just as I expected. They smoked pot. They drank. They skipped school. They had fast cars. It was great. We pop-locked and everything else. It was fabulous, you know. And we used to get it. We used to pop-lock like crazy. Skating rings and skates around your neck, you know, in the corner, pop-locking and stuff. You know, it was love. You know, I met up with these guys. And I got real cool with these guys. And I started to live the way they lived. There's been many occasions where we skipped school. The second encounter with alcohol that I had. And this is me talking about the progression, you know, how it progressed. How each stage, when I tried it, I tried to do it differently. And I had a different thought in my mind. First, it was fear. And then it came to pride. This is the part where it was just my pride and totally involved in it. We skipped school one day. And we were all at the house. We were in there drinking, smothering, and all that good stuff. And, you know, I drank to my limit because I wanted to be like them. I wanted to fit in correctly. I wanted to, you know, make the right jokes. I had girls there. And I love pretty girls, you know. So I was like, yeah, let me get in the whore. These boys are drinking. I'm going to drink too. And I drank. And I drank. And it was right when vanilla. I came out on, like, DVD or something like that. And I remember having my last shot. And I ate an apple. And I went and laid down on the floor to watch the movie. And I got up, throwing up everywhere. And at that point, again, that was the second time the fear kicked in. Everybody laughed. Everybody laughed. And everybody said, you can't come with us like that. So I had to walk my tire behind home, drunk, bruised, and everything else. And I went home and I swore at that point in time. But I was fine. i know how to do i can do this good you know and um throughout the years i did exactly that you know i'm the first one to say hey it's friday night let's go to this club hey let's stop the liquor store first let's get some drink you know i would find ways that i could drink more um i would eat more before i drank um i would take snacks with me before i drank but every single time i drank i ended up throwing up and i was that person that had those little four stages you know the lover the fighter the sad guy that was me you know so everybody already knew what was gonna happen you know jg's with us man bring your boxing gloves or bring you that bring something because he won't get stupid and you know that's what happened and um as i got old enough trying to find these mixture of crowds i ended up visiting jail quite a few times 18 was the first time i went to jail and um i was too scared to say anything because i thought the guys were super cool and they dropped their weed and liquor in my bag and my mcdonald's bag and the police found it and i ended up going to jail for it that was the first stint of my recklessness um at that point in time there's been countless times of getting kicked out um third time i had to encounter alcohol where it got even worse was i was up at those people's house chilling drinking smoking pot like always and my dad pulled up to that house and he came to get me there was no telling me how to live my life because i knew exactly what i wanted it because I saw it in everybody else. I saw what they were doing. They had nice cars still, you know, and they drank. They skipped school, so I didn't need to do this stuff. I'm going to do it with them. And my dad pulled up to the house and got me out of the house. When we got back to our house, he opened my door, and me and my dad had a fistfight in the front yard. The police almost got involved. My mom chilled it out. And at that point in time, relationships were wrecked. Mom didn't trust me. She thought I was erratic. Dad didn't trust me. He didn't really want to do anything for me. Only time they really wanted to do something for me was when I got locked up. Any other time than that, you got to get out of this house. You can't be here. And that spiraled out through the years. I think for a guy like me, from 18 all the way up until my sobriety day, I've been to jail every year. So there was no real time for me to learn how to actually live a regular life. There was no keeping a job for longer than a year. There was no raises. There was none of that. You know? There was no school. I had to get my G and D in jail. And every time I got out of jail, I went right back to what I knew. I didn't know nothing else. And that fear always kicked in, so I didn't know how to ask nobody for nothing. You know, I'm not going to ask you for no help. I don't want you to think I've got it. I'm always going to dress nice. You know, however I got to get it. I'm going to dress nice. So you're going to have this image in your head where I'm good, because that pride is all the way up 10. And after the countless years of doing that, it just kept getting worse and worse and worse and worse and worse. To the point where I went to prison for the first time. And when I got to prison, the whole bar is there. I always said that when I got to jail, for some reason, structure and rules and order always just make up my bed, get up for a towel, go to detail and shave. And all this other crazy stuff. Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. You know, walk in a straight line. It was nothing. I could do that. I could do that. And this is, you know, a man's ability. Stealing people's cars, going to jail, going to prison, this and that. You know, the recklessness of my life was to a certain, well, not even to a certain degree, all the way, man. And it just kept getting worse and worse and worse and worse and worse. It finally got to a point where something had to change. The people that I started doing this deal with, started drinking and everything with, they weren't there anymore. You know, it got to a point where friends didn't really want to come, and picked me up. Because they were like, well, man, you're reckless, man. You know, we don't want to hang out with you. You don't want to act. You know, we got to a point where, you know, I would get out of jail. Parents would feel sorry for me. They let me come in the house. And I ended up doing something stupid like that. You know, stealing all my mom's gold jewelry and pawning it, you know, and then happened to go to jail to get it back and stealing it all over again. Three months later, just, you know, I can't get it back that time. You know, you felt this. I did it better that time. I sold it to the gold, gold man. I'm still making amends for that today. But, you know, that was my lifestyle. You know, I would step on the toes that loved me and took care of me. Because I know I could. That's my manipulation, my manipulative mind frame, you know. All right, well, I know you're going to do anything for me so I can step on your toe. And I would do exactly that. But to my friends, oh, it's a perfect friend. Perfect friend. Hey, man, let me buy you something to eat, spend the night at your house. I won't touch nothing. You know what I'm saying? Let me at my mom's house. I'm climbing through a window to sneak, you know. But that's how my mind worked. I thought it was okay, that pride. I thought I could, I thought I could get away with it. I figured in my head that you were still going to love me no matter what I did anyway. So I'm just going to keep doing it. That's the outpouring of me too, because at the end of the day, every dime I stole, it was a go party. Every dime I stole was a go party. I remember waking up in bathroom stalls everywhere it's closed and I'm laying on the stall drunk. Blackout nights where I'm waking up cussing everybody out. And like, bro, you did that. I did that. Yeah, man, he can't come over here no more. He gotta get stuff and go. You know, I lived on couch to couch and it was crazy. A lot of that started to change. Like I said, when I started seeing people not there anymore, when I had to talk to my parents through a window for the first time, or they wouldn't let me in the house was really, it was gut wrenching. You know, it was gut wrenching when I had to sleep in an abandoned car one night because they wouldn't let me in the house and kick in because I was still clutching that bottle. And it progressed, of course. You know, I'm an alcoholic at heart, but I mean, let's just be real. There are other things were mixed in there too. And that just fueled it. That just let me drink more, really, to be honest. And I kept doing that and I kept doing it and I kept doing it and it came to a point in time where I was finally time came when I was so beat up at that point that I tried to I don't like mentioning it too much. I tried to off myself, you know, and that didn't work. Couldn't you do that? Right. Somebody asked me earlier. But about my breaking point, you know, when was that moment when you realized it? You know, I was so full of pride throughout all my years of life that it didn't click in that when I tried to off myself and it didn't work that I had to stop. I was still kind of thinking in the back of my head that, well, maybe I can do something a little bit better this time. I was in the hospital bed, my hands handcuffed to the bed. The nurse came up and I told her, hey, I got to go to the bathroom. She looked at me and said, hold on. I looked over at the officer. He just went back to his newspaper and she came back with a bowl probably about that big and she handed me that bowl and I just looked at it and I looked at her and she was pretty and I'm just saying to myself like I had to do that, you know, these all over yourself in that bowl, buddy, handcuffed to a bed and I did my business in that bowl and I'm just thinking in my head what's next, what's next, what's next and I know what's next and she had to wipe my behind for me and at that moment that I said in my head, something got to stop. We can't do this no more. We can't do this no more. I can't do this no more. And, you know, everything from the past started rushing in. I mean, I mentioned some of those those moments totally just took a new form and just like I said, progress. But that moment right there was that experience where I said, no, I had that moment of clarity right then and there and said, something's got to change. I can't do this. Once a pretty girl to wipe your behind for you. He strapped to a hospital bed not knowing when you getting out of jail. Cause you didn't hit two. Cars and left the scene of the accident and just parked somewhere and then you're screaming, you're the CIA and people are looking at you like, what the hell is he talking about? Drunk. He drunk that way to get it. He drunk and at that moment in time, that's what I made the decision. Well, if something happens, um, I'm going to take it throughout that private school. My, my vision of God was kind of disturbed by didn't let's do something and I'm I sat in jail for a little bit and I don't know how I've got. Out of it. But the judge literally said, I don't want to send you anywhere. I want to send you to prison. And that did not happen. Um, and I was able to go to a, to a residential program, went to prison, no insurance, hidden, run countless times in jail, felony charges. I mean, it was, it was destined for me to go to prison to stay there for a little bit. You know, I never stayed in prison long. I always got out, you know, but it was destined at that moment. I was like, wow, this is my shot. You know, this is my chance. Um, I got to that residential program. And I'm not even going to say I start all that stuff. I thought about before it kind of went out of the window, you know, and I got there and I was like, Oh, I got a little freedom. But, um, we started coming here first and that one Christmas Eve, I said something and somebody came up and talked to me. And at that time, that person is my sponsor now. And, um, a couple months later, I called him and ever since then, things were a lot different. Um, a lot different. I ain't going to say it happened quickly, but things got a lot different. You know, my life was on, you couldn't tell me, I was, I was alcoholic. I don't think you could tell any alcohol if they were alcoholic at first. But at that point in time, I was like, you know what dude, your life sucks. Look at everybody else and look at you and all that exterior that you're showing. Um, what about what's going on the inside? And at that point in time, I knew that I, I had no way of figuring out my problem. And, um, when I figured out that I couldn't figure out my problem, I started looking for something better. Um, that's when I was introduced to the second step. Like I said, my vision of God was disturbed or you can, I'm not going to put a name on them. I couldn't do that because when I did that, that came with rules and stigmas. All I needed was something that was going to help me stay sober at that point in time. In that moment, we looked for him and I finally said, do you know what? I'm going to keep looking for him. And, um, that's when I turned my will over. I said, I'm not going to think for myself anymore. Everything I thought that I knew before, I don't know shit because look where it got me so far. And, um, excuse my language. Um, my bad. Um, but, uh, when I turned my will over, I turned over my thinking. I said that I hear it all the time. And I tell people all the time, bring somebody with you before you start thinking. And I bring somebody with me before I start thinking, um, because my thinking got me exactly where I was at. It wasn't until that fourth step, man, where I could address all the fear that I had built up over the years and all the pride and everything else. Um, when I got to do that, it didn't come out all that first in the first time, but there was multiple times after that. And on the first time there was multiple things that came out after that. And it all built a very clear picture of what was going on. Um, you know, when I saw that picture, I knew how to take that picture apart. Um, and I took that picture apart slowly by slowly, and it kept us still asking people for help, telling people what was going on. Um, and as I did that, it, it, It gave me some freedom, man. Freedom felt good, and I wanted more. And that's when I kept getting more, you know. And I sat down, and I thought about it. And I said, did I give everything away at this point in time? And for that moment, I was okay with saying yes. And at that point in time, I could move forward. You know, when I asked him to take away those character defects, he did exactly that. He took those away. Still, they come up here and there, but he took those away. And those are the ones that kept me exactly where I was at in that point in time. And when he took those away, I knew that the next day something else was going to happen, but I had a solution this time before I didn't have a solution, before I just knew how to harbor it and let it feed itself and ultimately rule my life. But after I found that solution, things got better. When I made that list of people I had harmed, it was sad. You know, there were so many people I could have probably put on there, but the only ones that really came to mind was my immediate family and these other certain people. I looked at it. A lot of times, and I was like, well, I'm on probation. I'm paying restitution for this one, so we don't have to put them on there. No, I do got to put them on there. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Because you're not paying the amount you're supposed to pay. You're paying like $35 when you're supposed to pay $134. So you're really not keeping your end of the deal going. You know, so it's stuff like that when I made that list. And, you know, the way I did it was A, Bs, and Cs, the ones I can do now, the ones I can do later, and the ones I just ain't going to do. Luckily, there was no Cs. And a lot of them, the ones that I could do now, I did them. And it was funny. They weren't beat up about it. They said, just keep going what you're doing. I want my jewelry back, but you good. Don't worry about that. You know, when my dad bought me and stole $800, he was going to use it for rent money. 100 by 100, you know. But he was good with it. You know, I still owe my auntie $300. But she's good with it right now. She want her money, though. I'm going to get to it. I'm going to get to it. She want her money, you know what I mean? But she said, take your time. You got it. You get straight first. And after that, you know, like I said, that fear that I had, you know, fear of addressing situations, fear of standing up for myself, fear of meeting new people, just fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. It started to go away. Because now I'm saying to myself, well, you know that person that you hurt a while ago? Maybe you need to address that now, too. Let's put that on your men's list, too, now. So, you know, I've done multiple four steps because there's more things that got to be done, you know. My sponsor asked me all the time, well, how free do you want to be? Well, it's a good question. I don't know how I want to talk to God because I don't want to hear what God got to say. But God sometimes always reaches out to me and says, you need to do that. And when he says it, I do it. But we get down to that tenth step, man. I was in the beginning where I thought I could just do it in my head. I just kind of rolled with it, you know. And things just kept popping up. And I was just like, well, man, why isn't this going away? I'm thinking about addressing it. And I realized that I had to actually see it. You know, I had to see. I had to see those words. And I'm not going to say I'm the best at it. I see my attitude towards people. I see how I treat people. And I'm constantly thinking about my intentions and my motives. What are my intentions and motives today? What am I doing? Why am I interacting with this person? Why do I want this and why do I want that? My sponsor used to tell me early on in sobriety, I would come to him with problems. He would say, well, man, you need to change your focus. You're focusing on the wrong thing, man. And slowly but surely, I started to click in. And slowly but surely, now everything. I think about it. Well, what's your intentions and what's your motives, man? Are you willing to take the consequences of your actions today? Because I remember back to the first time I took that drink and me and that girl had fun on that bench. I took those consequences. Then I remember the second time I tried, I took those consequences. I got kicked out of school. So what's my intention and what's my motives and what am I trying to change in me? And after doing that kind of stuff, you know, I found out that my prayer life needed to be just as involved. And that's my 11 step, you know. My prayer. And my meditation. Because the whole time I had no God, I was him. So if I said that I needed a power greater than me, how am I going to find it? Through prayer. Now, see, the tricky thing about my prayer life is I would try to emulate somebody else's prayer. I would try to pray how they were praying. Praying for what they wanted. Praying for what they needed. And trying to use it for myself. And it don't work like that for me. It don't work like that. I have a God of my understanding. A personal God that helps me. So I need to pray for his will for me. Which means I got to constantly seek him. To find out what his will is. Because if I don't ask him for his will, he ain't going to give it to me. And if I do give him something, it might be something I don't want. You know. The great grand sponsor always tells me, you know, you see the headline, man. You see it. You want it. Did you read the file? Can you handle what comes with it? So that's why I meditate today. I even found out my own way to meditate. You know. You know. And it involves sitting. Stylizing. Breathing. Quiet. Like clearing my mind and let whatever comes through, come through. And I don't fight the thoughts. I let the thoughts come through because I don't know where the thoughts are coming from. But I know it's something good because at the end of it, I can breathe again. And my prayer life has gotten a whole lot better now today. I can feel the change. I can see the change. I can feel the interaction around me. And I'm grateful for that when it comes down to that 12th step. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. I try to carry this message to alcoholics and the practice principles. And all our affairs. My spiritual awakening. These steps. I finished the steps early enough. And I remember somebody told me one day. Actually, he may not even tell me. I may have just heard him. He said. I have these thoughts in my head somewhere down the road. Like, are you like doing this for real, for real? When he said it, I don't have to go back anymore. I can quickly adjust into gratitude just like that. You know. And I didn't know how to do that before. And it wasn't until I came into these rooms. And I said. Oh, doctor. When you can adjust back to gratitude. Oh, my goodness. What a feeling you can have. It's amazing. When you can just. Something can disturb you so much. And a grand sponsor always takes me to page 41 in 12 and 12. And I didn't listen to him at first. I didn't. Because I don't like to read too much. But things got rough. And I was like. I need to listen to him now. And I started listening. And now I'm just thinking about it 24-7. And I can adjust back into gratitude. I can think back. To where I was at. And I can sit here and say. Wow. It is possible. This stuff really does work. But you got to work it. And I had to sit down. And I had to work it. And like I said. I always think about that. How free do you want to be? How free do you want to be? How free do you want to be? I want to be free than I was yesterday. You know. I want to be free. When McDonald's closes at 11. And think I can order my food. And have you bring it to the table. And think it's going to be okay when you don't. I can't do that. I have to switch to gratitude. And I do that today. I sponsor other men. I remember when we finished working in steps. My sponsor said. There's two things you have to do. You have to share in the meetings. And you have to raise your hand. And sponsor other men. I do that. I do sponsor other men. When they stick around. As long as they do. Which is cool. If they don't. Then it's cool too. I still raise my hand. I don't let that discourage me. Because at the end of the day. It's unity. I heard somebody describe what unity was. And it was. You know. Giving back what was given to me freely. Keeping these doors open. Sharing my experience. My strength and hope. Another alcoholic. Hoping that a message gets through to one of them. There's 50 in the room. If I give one. What I was supposed to do. Coming up here. Sharing my story. I was reading through something. And it said. You know. Telling your story. Is vital if you're in for the long haul. Last night. And I promise you. It's your experience. I never. In my mind. Thought that I could make it. To right here. I talked to an old friend. The other day. And he was like. What? You're sober? How long? Today man. I can experience these new things. There's a couple things that I haven't done. People look at it. And they be like. Oh. You never done that? I never bought a car as an adult. Never done that. I mean. You know what it felt like. I bought two in recovery so far. I lost one of them. But I got the other one. It wasn't my fault. I lost it. It was the paint. But whatever. I bought another car. And I actually kept it. And paid it. I actually have insurance on my car. Longer than a month. Go figure. You know. Like. Who would have thought. That I would be able to accomplish something. I have no life skills. I always tell people. I'm off the lake bloomer. I don't want to do this kind of stuff man. But. I'm doing it some kind of way. And. It's through. Other people. It's through the people I keep around me. That right there. It's through my higher power. You know. He's able to. He's able to lift me back up. When I feel like it stopped going. And I'm able to reach out. And alleviate that fear. And hey man. How do I do this? And how do I stop feeling like this? I'm in school still. Expect to graduate. Early 2025. It's pretty cool man. It's always something I always wanted to do. But I never thought I could do that. It was always just a thought before. What I wanted to do. And these yets are starting to come true. These yets are these yets that I'm doing. I asked my mom. I'm going down to Augusta. To the dental school. To try to start getting my teeth done. I said. Well hey mom. Can I take your truck? Because I got to pay for my insurance by the month. You? Yeah. If you want to take the car. You can. I was like. Are you serious? I thought it was a joke. She was like. Just call your daddy. Make sure. He was like. Yeah. Sure. I'm on your car. When I was like 13. I went out of town. You know. And it's like. Now you're going to tell me. I can drive two hours away? Go for it. Hey mom. You want to ride with me though? Go kick and go have some meat? Yeah. Sure. Let's do that. Great. You know. There's these things I can experience today. That I didn't get to experience before. I'll say this. I remember I was sitting in a meeting one time. And I said that. I've never experienced God before. Throughout my whole life. And I was just. I was just maybe a couple months ago. I said. I've never experienced God before. I've never experienced God before. I've never experienced God before. And then my sponsor comes back with. He wasn't talking directly to me. But he said it. And he said. You didn't know you were experiencing God. And I can look back at all the trials and situations I've been in. And I've been in some real risky situations. And I didn't see that I experienced God at every moment of the way. I just had that blockage up where I couldn't see it. And now that the blockage has been removed. I can see him in every moment of my life. You know. I see a great God. And I'm just like. Oh my God. I got to stay in gratitude. You know. Because gratitude is what pretty much saved my life. And if it wasn't coming in these rooms. And actually being just engulfed in love. When they say that they'll love you. And see you learn to love yourself. It's the true thing. And that's why I keep coming back. Because it keeps getting better. There's no way that I can say I haven't experienced the promises. And sometimes I can experience them in a bad way. I'm just going to buy this. I got $100. I'm going to spend $70. I'm going to spend $70 of it on clothes. And God's going to take care of it. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You got to watch for that selfishness. That's honesty. And self-centeredness. Because it's a real thing. Early on my sponsor had me read 84 to 88 in the beginning. And the end of my day. And I didn't do it until it got real vital. Until I see why. And today I see why it's true. And I have to wake up. And I have to remember that my life is not my own. But my life is of service. And when I can remember that. I can get out here and get useful. But that's it. That's my story. Thank you for your experience, strength, and hope. That really touched me. And I'm proud to call you my friend. And I'm thankful to have you in my network, sir. Thank you. Absolutely. That was good. And we've asked Rishon to give out the chips. When you guys are in the house. I love it. We have a chip system to mark our time sober. The white chip is a 24-hour chip. If you're just coming back in. And you're coming back after more research. Sure. We are. You're a white chip. Anybody need a white chip? Anybody got 60 days? Keep the train moving. Anybody else with 60 days? 90 days. Six months. Anybody with nine months? I might need four years. Anyway. Anybody need a year of multiple years? A year of multiples? For serenity? Hi, my name is Misty. And I'm an alcoholic. What's your name? Hi, this is Two. I came here first by the grace of God and the company. I'm here. Well, you know what I hear and say it all the time. Get a sponsor. Work the steps. And service work. Service work is huge. And you guys, thank you so much. Reconsider on the white chip. Last chance to reconsider. Thank you, Rishon. Thank you, one and all, for joining the Blue Chip Speakers meeting tonight. This song goes out to 12 steppers all around the world. As well as to those who have gone before us. Thank you. And to those who may be on their way. They said it works when you work it, you know. And that we can only keep what we have by giving it away. Check it out. Okay, this song is going to help you with your evolution. Only if you're sick and tired of the pollution. The steps that we take are all about solutions. They will even help you make your restitution. The steps can eliminate the negativity and at the same time accentuate the positivity. You may even comprehend the word serenity. Now we're going to take the steps to our best ability. And the very first step is about a surrender. And you may even be a first-time offender. Or you may be coming back from your last bender. But welcome to the club, you still can be a member. In step two, that's a power that restores sanity. It's greater than yourself, it's not about your vanity. Don't forget about the pain that brought you calamity. Now you owe it to yourself to take responsibility. When we get to step three, it's time to make a decision. For our will and lives to undergo a revision. No longer do we have to feel a sense of division. We're on a new journey, so watch out for collisions. Steps. One, two, and three helps you build a foundation. But don't forget to cancel all reservations. Welcome to your new life, here's your invitation. But more will be revealed, what a revelation. We take the steps to learn to free our minds. We practice principles so we can redesign. We keep it real simple, just a day at a time. We wake up in the morning and we're ready to shine. It's a natural high, and that's a matter of fact. We know deep inside there's nothing we lack. We live in the moment, cause that's where it's at. It works when you work it, so keep coming back. Step four. It's where you're gonna take your inventory. Now we're looking for the truth, not for fame and glory. Just put it down on paper, there's no need to worry. It won't be very long before you tell your story. And step five. Take your fourth step and share it with another. Chances are you did some harm to your sister and your brother. The same thing goes for your father and your mother. Now we're living in the light. We're not hiding under cover steps. This is how we deal with our character defects. No longer are we twisted, now we're coming correct. We're building character, and we can feel the effect. Now we have a second chance to get ready, get set. In the seven steps. We learn about humility. We recognize our shortcomings and we find stability. But we gotta keep it real and keep it in reality. That's why we take the steps to our best ability. Come on. We take the steps to learn to free our minds. We practice principles so we can read the signs. We keep it real simple just a day at a time. We wake up in the morning and we're ready to shine. It's a natural high, and that's a matter of fact. We know deep inside there's nothing we lack. We live in the moment, cause that's where it's at. It works when you work it, so keep coming back. And step eight. We make a list of the ones we need. The ones we did harm to. We're cleaning up the past cause it's something we must do. It takes willingness and we suggest you follow through. What you about to do is gonna change your point of view. Now in the ninth step, it's time to mend some fences. We step up to the plate about our past offenses. If we're gonna make it right, we drop all the fences. By now we have begun to regain our senses. The tenth step is all about the application. So that we can learn to face any situation. Remember that it's not about a graduation. You know the tenth step is really a continuation. Step eleven. We begin to practice meditation. Step twelve. It guides us through the world like a navigation. And we're not afraid to ask for the inspiration. But we gotta keep it moving, there's no hesitation. And step twelve. We practice principles in all our affairs. We try to be of help, especially when we share. Now we're living consciously, we are awake and aware. So take this message to another. Let them know that you care. We take the steps we learn to free our mind. We practice principles so we can redesign. We keep it real simple just a day at a time. We wake up in the morning and we're ready to shine. It's a natural high and it's a matter of fact. We practice principles so we can redesign. We know deep inside there's nothing we lack. We live in the moment, cause that's where it's at. It works when you work it, so keep coming back. So there you have it. Steps one through twelve. Remember you don't have to step alone. We step together one day at a time. And no matter what, we keep coming back. So until the next time. Peace in. Peace out.