Stopping the Performance of Forced Meditation in Step 3 – Jay S.

About This Speaker Tape

1982, a retreat with an old Jesuit priest. "Don't screw him," the priest warned from the podium. Jay S. didn't understand the warning then, but he spent the next few decades learning how to stop the performance. For Jay, the wreckage of a first marriage and the fear of scarring his daughter demanded a new blueprint. He didn't just date; he ran a sexual inventory, filtering for women who sponsored others and had a "spiritual panache." He approached his current wife with a proposal to play for keeps, intentionally slowing down intimacy to strip the power exchange out of sex.

Jay describes the "blue collar" nature of meditation—simply putting one's fanny in a chair for three minutes to watch the mind. He recounts a "white light" experience in a church where the room vanished, leaving only the sense that everything is connected. From building a house for the poor on the Guatemalan border to managing his own ego, Jay views his scar tissue as his only real utility.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Adele S. reflects on the shift in her perception of Jay S. through meditation.
• 4:15 Jay S. discusses the end of his first marriage and the need for a sexual inventory.
• 8:30 Jay S.'s specific criteria for dating in sobriety, emphasizing sponsorship and spiritual work.
• 13:45 The story of the slow, intentional physical intimacy with Adele S.
• 18:20 Jay S. discusses his relationship with his daughter, Jessica J., and her role as a 'covert agent' for other fathers.
• 22:10 Discussion of Bill W.'s white light experience and the 'educational variety' of spiritual awakening.
• 27:40 Jay S. describes his own 'white light' experience during a meeting with Liz L.
• 32:15 Laughter: Jay S.'s story about a newcomer running out of the room after a spiritual experience.
• 36:50 Jay S.'s journey to the Guatemalan border to build a community center.
• 42:10 Introduction to the '3 Minutes of Silence' website and various meditative practices.
• 48:30 Jay S. recommends Eckhart T. and the practice of being present.
• 54:10 Closing thoughts on the 'third holiest place'—the kitchen table sharing the message of AA.