Stopping the Performance of Forced Meditation in Step 3 – Jay S.

Once again, a little something from the fabulous one, Adele Shea. I fell in love with my husband Jay for the first time last weekend. Though we've spent more than 12 years together, I had never seen him before. and then I did. What I had seen before that moment was a story. I wrote about who he is and what he will or will not do. I saw black hair, then gray hair, then ear hair. I saw behaviors I deemed as good and bad and appropriate and not. And I responded according to my perceptions at any given time. This day he was good, that bad. This moment he was doing it right, that wrong. This moment his appearance was acceptable, that unacceptable and on and on the story went each time I read my story about whom he is whether he was in the room or not I would feel happy or sad angry or loving irritated or accepting inside those thoughts who can be seen there is no presence inside a thought no illumination of what is appearing what I saw were my own opinions which I reacted to accordingly great suffering existed in living like that even with a husband whom I thought I adored then the light came on and there he was before me beautiful beyond description and in that moment I realized that I had never seen anyone or anything before a startling realization I highly recommend Jay appears different to me now his ear hairs do not bother me his face is perfection his body exquisite There is nothing to change in him or his behavior. There is Nothing to Change in Me. How do perceptual changes like that happen? I have absolutely no idea, but I have a story. And this is a story of what appeared to happen. Perceptions began to change when I began to look inside for answers. They changed dramatically when I regularly began to meditate. That is, simply to sit and to watch my thoughts. And when I began to hang out with people who had a higher state of consciousness, for lack of a better term, about how to look inside for answers. Thirteen years ago, I began thinking with my eyes closed for three minutes a day. When Jay and I began dating, we began the practice together. For years, with lessening intensity, I felt as though I would crawl out of my skin during that time. No peace existed in those sessions for a long time. My mind would frantically search and seize thoughts. Then flashes of quiet would come without words. A feeling of perfect okayness would overcome me for a nanosecond, and then longer. A deep sigh would fill me. In those instances, there was nothing to do, nothing to fix, nothing to change. Sometimes I practiced that discipline for one day and then not for a week or a month. Other times I did it more consistently for a while and then again. Trying to make myself meditate for 20 or 30 minutes during that period did not work for me. I found it impossible to return to that amount of time once missed, so I would simply stop sitting for long periods. I did not stop shaving my armpits or wear patchouli oil or levitate, though I thought I was supposed to do those things before I actually began sitting still. I did try listening to my breath and using a contemplative word. Mine was shalom. to repeat whenever my mind drifted and using a number of other exercises, all of which were helpful. I found nothing more beneficial than place my fanny in a chair. It was tremendously helpful to sit with Chegg. More often than not, one of us would not feel like sitting and the other would be encouraging. I found I liked my husband better on the days that he sat together. Over the years, the days of sitting still got closer and closer. I stayed at three minutes for more than 11 years. Slowly, the time expanded on its own. This year it moved to about 20 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes to an hour, three to five times a week with a group of people doing the same. The decision to do that happened organically. Attempting to force myself to meditate more always produced less meditation. Somewhere along the line, I stopped trying to meditate. The practice appeared to change rather quickly after that. That's my story. You have my permission to ask Jay how it's going. I want to talk a little bit about being with girls, sober. I was 40 years old and my first marriage was ending. My sponsor said I left my marriage so I could get into a relationship. and this was done consciously I'd done everything that I could I'd been as supportive of Jacqueline as I could be and we were not able to make things work and thank God that we both had sponsors and we Were both on this path so that when I came to her and I said I can't live like this anymore because I could not stay in a relationship that was just a friendship any longer. And I knew that I was going to start looking elsewhere for affection, and so instead of going and doing that or her going out and spending money or causing some event so we could blame each other or make something wrong, we were able to accept responsibility for our inability to create a loving union. and and so what I did for the I did a sexual inventory and this sexual inventory had nothing to do with what I'd done wrong but what I did is is that I sat down and because I knew that I was I was 40 years old my last dating was done when people took toothbrushes to bars you know 1970 1980 so my dating skills were off just a little bit it had been you know a decade and a half almost and so and I knew that because I had left my marriage that I had really scarred my daughter who was only five at the time and I knew that everything that I did would be watched and observed, and that the only way that I could help to make amends for what I was doing to Jessica was to try and comport myself in such a way that I can always look her in the eye. Now at the time, I had coffee bars on two college campuses. I'm vice president of a large church, and I'm active in AA. There were a lot of suspects. And I sat down, and started to write a list. And I had this, what is it that I want in a partner? I had never sat down and consciously thought about that. I'd always walked into a room and waited for my hormones to go off and then tried to have my way with whatever the creature was. But I'm a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I knew that that probably wasn't it. And the great thing about being a sober member of AA is we know that there are two kinds of examples in AA. There are good examples and bad examples. I could go out and I could Lisa Harley and get some leather chaps and get some ink, and I could start sitting at the back of the room and try and date girls that were closer to my daughter's age than my own. I know that wouldn't happen to anyone in the park or men's tag, but in our group there are a few. Not in the Hermosa Beach Men's Tag, but one of those other meetings that are around. And so I knew that that wasn't the way to go. So what I did is I took a look at the fact that I'm a 40-year-old guy, and I got a five-year old daughter that I am going to be responsible for. For me, Alcoholics Anonymous is the most important thing in my life. So if I am looking for someone to share my life with, they've got to be a member of this fellowship. The most important activity that I'm involved in in Alcoholics Anonymous is sponsorship. Therefore, I want somebody that not only has a sponsor but that is sponsoring people. Third thing that I am looking for is a woman that has done her sexual recovery work because if she's in the fellowship, she's going to have to have done that work, chances are. I wanted my daughter to maybe also have some alternative choice about people that had different experiences, her mother a brilliant woman had never gone to college. So I thought that maybe a woman that was a professional woman might be somebody that would be a, somebody that, and then I was looking for somebody that was artistic and somebody that in their Recovery at least demonstrated some spiritual panache. And then I've got a couple of personal little things that I like. I like tall girls, so, you know, that went on there. And a couple other personal things. And then, I started filtering. And, you know, I mean, there were a lot of gals that I knew, but, you know, there was some that were just serial daters, so I knew that that was probably somebody that I didn't want to get involved with unless I was just looking for excitement and I was not did not want to model that behavior with my in front of my daughter even though she wasn't she didn't live with me but I you know again modeling that behavior so when I when I went through all of that the woman that was on the top of the list was Adele Shea. And when I left my marriage, I left with less stuff because stuff was only there for my daughter's benefit. I left with less than I had when I went to college. When I went off to college and so I knew I wasn't going to out-hip anybody and I And I didn't have a lot of money because I was giving the successful business to Jackie, and I had something that was scuff one. And so I took her out. We went to coffee a couple of times. I realized that the targeting system was pretty good. And I said to her, I said, you know, my marriage is ending, and I know that amongst intelligent women that there is a period of time that separated men are not dateable. And I know that you're not involved with anyone at this time. But I really think that we could have a good time together. Please do not fall in love with anyone until you have the chance to get to know me. I approached her as if she was the person that I wanted to spend my life with. And when I go home today, I am going home to the person on the whole planet that I want to be with. And I approached her like that from the gate. Now, I've talked about going to these retreats. I was on this retreat in about 1982, and there was this guy, Father Shepard, who was leading part of the retreat, and he was an old Jesuit, had a collar on, and he said from the podium, don't screw him. What? What are you talking about? I mean, okay, he's got the uniform on. He's supposed to say that, right? And besides, he doesn't even know what he's asking me to give up. Right? it was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard but here I am and I'm approaching this woman and this is the one on the top of the list I want to play this for keeps and the more I got to know her the moreI wanted to play it for keeps the first time I had the privilege of kissing her I stepped back and I looked at her and I said I can't sleep with you and she gave me that look. It's a little forward. And I told her, I heard this one time a long time ago, and I want to try something different. I know what happens doing things the way that I used to do it. I want you to try I want him to try something different or your game. She looked at me a little strange. She said, okay. And so after another week or two, when we really decided that this thing might be going for it, I said, why don't we do this? Valentine's Day is a couple months off. Let's pick that as the day. And what it did is It took all the pressure off Of us getting to know each other And a couple other things And remember Especially anybody that If they're listening to this And they haven't heard the other talk That Adele has given me Leave to talk about this Because I didn't know about dating I didn't know about getting intimate. I didn' t know any of that stuff. And we started praying together. And then when we first started sleeping together, what we did is that we started and we went really, really slow. And I'm going to be very Clinton-esque about this, okay? Is that we start it out and we spent some time kissing. But we didn't have sex. and then we got to first base and we spent like a week there and we went through all the processes but we didn't finish it off and what happened is that each and every expression of love a human being can have as an evolutionary thing we were able to experience as something of and by itself instead of something on the means to an end. And so no matter how it is that we express affection, it's complete. I never knew that was available. I never new that was a thing. And the most important thing is is that the power got taken out of it. Sex had always been a power exchange for me. If I do this, you'll do that. It wasn't that, it wasn't that and if you follow this path, what will happen. I'm not saying we didn't have a whole lot of fun in that time leading up to that. But it was in stages. And if you followed this one of the things that'll happen is is that other energy will start coming in and two or three times during the course of this period of time there was an event in each of our lives where the best possible response from the other person was for us to make love completely and we didn't do it and so we learned to trust each other on a level that I had never experienced in intimacy we had we got to know each other because once you complete the sexual act what you do is you stick them in a box and you always keep going back to that same box and then when it was time what we did is we left where we lived or where we were I was you know we had separate domiciles but we left our town and we went off and And we celebrated and made it a sacred time together. And that was 14 years ago. And a lot of guys that I work with have done this. And the thing that happens is that a lot of times things don't work out, but people are always able to be in the room together. Nobody ever feels like their trust was violated. Because it's all done up front. It's all been with honor. It's done with love. It's also done with respect. I didn't know that was possible. So, you know, again part of being a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous was some experiences I want to share with you the great successes and joys of my life. And my home and my marriage is the greatest joy and success in my life followed very closely by the pact that my daughter will call me and tell me. Because I do that with her. I call her, and I texted her and said, I'm in the Stanley Hotel. Red rum! And she's a goth chick, so she just loved that. And she calls her father and tells me when the good stuff is going on. I'm in Vegas and Marilyn Manson just got done painting my big toe. I mean, there's significant things in her life. And yeah, she's off at it and having a wonderful time. So I just want to share that with you. and that they always talk about dating and Alcoholics Anonymous. The odds are good, but the goods are odd. But I want to share with you that if you looking for a mate make sure they've got a sponsor it makes life so much easier it makes like so much because I've been I've had time dating sober women who didn't understand that they might have a problem too or a part in it and believe me it's a lot better the other thing that I did with with Adele is I asked her I wouldn't when we when I was when I I was courting her, I said, look, sponsorship is the biggest thing in my life. I said are you willing to be a double agent? Because I'm working with all these guys and will you help them when they're starting to get together with women and can you talk to them and can you help him? And she's guided some guys that were I could only in my mind see without God's grace them having lots and lots of years of therapy and maybe someday they'd get to I own a Chia Pet, and some of these guys are married to the greatest women members of Alcoholics Anonymous in my neighborhood. When my daughter was 12 years old, she'd gotten confirmed in the Episcopal Church to please her father. It's very sweet of her to do that. She says, Dad, I don't believe him. About 50% of this stuff. And I said, well, neither do I. It's no big deal, darling. But I said, I'm really glad that you went through this and that you at least learned the principles upon which this nation basically is founded in the stories that were part of the development of the consciousness of this country. And she looked at me and she said, you know, Dad, it's all about the friends now. And I remember that time. I remember that time when my parents had split and I had to go and spend my times of obligation with my father. My daughter had come to be with me. I picked her up. She hung with me on Tuesday evenings. I'd pick her up from school, and then every Friday I'd take her home Sunday afternoon. And I didn't go out and do any AA stuff really during that time because I had a commitment. They had a commitment. And she said, it's all about the friends now. And I realized that that really was what was up. And I said, okay, baby, I tell you what. I talked to her mother and I said you don't ever have to come and spend the night with me anymore. I want you to come when you can and when you want to and all that stuff. You know, that kid has never come and spent a night at my house since. And that was like seven years ago. but she called me and we'd hang out a lot anyway a couple years ago I was I said to her sweetheart you know how your oh I said you remember when we had this conversation I said did you feel when I said that you could go and do what it was that you wanted to do that what I was doing was I was abandoning my fatherly job. She paused for a second. She said, well, no, Dad. I felt that what happened is that I was now socially adept and I needed to find my way and you wanted to support me in doing that. And I thought it was the most loving thing probably that you've done. and then I asked her are you willing to be a double agent now I said you know how your stepmother works with my guys I've got lots of guys who have teenage daughters who are having trouble or doing this or that if I give them your phone number will you tell them the truth and so now she works as a covert agent also and guys I give him her phone number and this is after they've spent a zillion dollars in therapy and they've been to this and that and another thing and they're getting all the samplings from all the different people and they call my daughter and they come back to me and they say, you know, the kid told them the truth. These are the prayers I have for you. These are what I want you to do. These are hopes that I have. So, let's switch gears a little bit, we've got the family stuff done. Our co-founder, Bill, had this dramatic white light experience. And then the book comes out and in the meetings everybody's waiting for their turn to have one and they're comparing their insides to Bill's story to his his white light experience and they were waiting for it and if they don't get it there that they're feeling like they haven't gotten the whole deal and Bill was very very clear later in his life he got very very articulate about this about this idea of of what William James called the educational variety, a gradual unfoldment of an experience. James said that the folks that have the dramatic type, what happens is that experience has been gestating, incubating in their hearts and their minds, and then something happens, and all of a sudden, bam, they get it. In other people, it's the same gestation, but it's just not as sudden. Wilson talked about the only difference between the two types he believed was in the time factor because the results it's in the fruits of the experience that it's validated and the fruit of his experience was not drinking and he said there is no experience he says you he always used to tell this story about you know you'd be sitting in a meeting and a guy I'll say they'll be up there taking his first year cake and he'll go I don't have the spiritual angle on this program I haven't seen any white light and then he'll go through and he talked about how the fact that he hasn't had anything to drink that his wife's happy to see him when he comes home that his employers pleased with the work that he does that his children speak to him in complete sentences he says in those of us who know we there is that is it that is the spiritual experience and he just hasn't gotten to the point that you can put it into those words yet and so each and every man that is here today has had a spiritual experience we're all here and we're sober and so what I'd like you to do in your group is I'd you to talk about your experience now with some of you that I know that in a group this size there's a few guys that that have had a dramatic flash you know it's just a numbers game and there are other people that have as it talks about in we agnostic said then one moment when we beheld the flower and we've known and with others it was maybe the first time that your child walked across the room in a long time and put their head against your chest or it may just be the moment that you thought that maybe my sponsor isn't bludgeoning me so what I'd like to do because I think that this is a very important thing let's spend three minutes again in silence and then and then we'll you know let's can we do the picture after after the group yeah let's um let's do this let's let's but no no we're gonna break up anyway we'll go do the picture but let's let's bring our hearts and minds together for a moment and let's ask you know that would be that would open so that in your group you can talk about your personal experience this is a J the alcoholic Thank you. This is from Bill Wilson's letter to Carl Jung. My release from the alcohol obsession was immediate. At once I knew I was a free man. Shortly following my experience, my friend Ebby came to the hospital bringing me a copy of William James' Varieties of Religious Experience. This book gave me the realization that most conversion experiences, whatever their variety, do have a common denominator of ego collapse at depth. The individual faces an impossible dilemma. In my case, the dilemma had been created by my compulsive drinking and the deep feeling of hopelessness. had been vastly deepened by my doctor. It was still deepened more by my alcoholic friend when he acquainted me with your verdict of hopelessness, respecting Rowland. In the wake of my spiritual experience, there came a vision of a society of alcoholics, each identifying with and transmitting his experience to the next, chain style. If each sufferer were to carry the news of the scientific hopelessness of alcoholism to each new prospect, he might be able to lay open every newcomer to the transforming spiritual experience. This concept proved to be the foundation of such success as Alcoholics Anonymous has achieved. This has made conversion experiences nearly every variety reported by James available on almost a wholesale basis. Our sustained recovery over the last quarter century number about 300,000. In America and throughout the world there are today 8,000 groups. So to you, to Dr. Shoemaker of the Oxford Groups, to William James, and to my own physician Dr. Silkworth we of AA owe this tremendous benefaction as you will now clearly see this astonishing chain of events actually started long ago in your consulting room and it was directly founded upon your own humility and deep perception. Very many thoughtful AA students are attracted to your writings because of your conviction that man is something more than intellect, emotion, and $2 worth of chemicals. You have especially endeared yourself to us. How our society grew, developed its traditions for unity, and structured its functioning will be seen in the text and pamphlet material that I am sending you. You will also be interested to learn that, in addition to the spiritual experience, many AA's report a great variety of psychic phenomena, the cumulative weight of which is very considerable. Other members have, following their recovery in AA, been much helped by your practitioners. A few have been intrigued by the I Ching and your remarkable introduction to that work. be certain that your place in the affection and in the history of the fellowship is like no other sincerely so what we did earlier is we talked about our experience we go around talking about faith but faith I think is entirely overrated we have experience we have a couple stories about about mine I was about eight months sober and And I was sitting in the meeting, the two plus two meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous at the Westwood Community Church on LaGrange and Westwood Boulevard. I was in amends. I was sponsoring people. And I would sit there, and I was listening to a woman speak. And her name was Liz Lepresti. And Liz was talking. And she talked about how the alcohol stripped from her everything that makes a human being a human being, and that what she became was an animal. And when she said that last word, the room left. And I was sitting there. I had the consciousness of sitting in my seat of the chair and a vague sense of the room. But it was all gone, and there was nothing but a vast white light. And my head said, oh, maybe this is an LSD flashback. and my heart said no pay attention and as I sat there the feeling that I had it wasn't words really it was a feeling and the feeling was that everything is known and that everything is perfect and that everything is connected. But we got an eight-month sober guy involved here. So in my mind, I formulate a question because I understood that I was in the presence of whatever is. And I said, well, in my head, in my heart, what about war? And the feeling I had was, don't worry. I got it. And so I sat there in that for another minute. And then because I'm involved, I come up with another question. I started to ask a question about abortion in the back of my head. It started to come up. I'm asking another question in the presence of all knowledge, and the feeling was, I couldn't even quite phrase it in my mind. And I sat there, and I don't know if I was there for eight minutes or 12 minutes. This was only a 20-minute talk the speaker was giving. And before she finished, gradually, gradually the room started to come back in. And this particular church, podium that the speaker is in, and there's three stained glass windows. And the stained glass windows were the first thing that came into my sight. And the windows say, God is love. And then gradually the room came back and I looked around. And it was very obvious that nobody else had that experience, and I was afraid. And I sat there, and somehow the intuitive voice inside of me said, you know, just be quiet. to be said about spiritual secrecy. You know, when you're on the path, don't go put your neck out with folks that aren't going to be supportive of it. It's like going and telling people that you buy dope from that you're sober. You know? They'll just go, oh here, have a free one. So you know, spiritual secrecy is important as we build ourselves up. I didn't tell anybody about that for about three weeks. And then late at night, coffee bar, I mentioned it to an old timer and he said yeah kid this stuff happens all the time don't worry about it. We don't talk about it in the meetings because we don't want to scare the newcomer. And so I did, I said something once maybe a couple of weeks later at a meeting and A guy called me a liar and came over with a chair at me. And in those days, there were chairs flying and people grabbing the folks. Guys would stand on their chairs. It was an exciting time. We weren't quite as civilized as we are now. And then I went and I found my old parish priest and I told him what happened. And he said to me, and he had his childhood friend there with him that was also a priest. And he said, yeah kid, I wish that that was my story. He said, but it's not. And he says, but I've had a couple of parishioners over the years tell me about these things and that sounds like what it is. He said that's the real deal. And his friend worked at a seminary down in Texas and he said come with me now. He said I'll get you a scholarship. You need to go to work being a professional God prisoner. And I went, oh, no thank you. Because I knew that with my ego, that that was not something that I should be doing. I had another experience where it was not long after this, maybe three or four months after our STAG meeting. We were standing there. There was a new guy and my friend John Cleary. And I had my hand on Cleary, and I'm talking to the new guy and I'm going God is as real as we are right here and I touched him on the chest and we all three went and the newcomer hit the door running my friend John looked at me and I looked at him and he left and like three weeks later he quit going to AA because he knew that he had a spiritual experience and he didn't need to go come anymore. Eight years later when he came back to Alcoholics Anonymous, and I reminded him of this experience after he'd been sober for about six months, he said that when he took the first drink, the memory of that vanished. He remembered that something happened, but the experience vanished from me. My great shame about that experience and how I processed it is not that I was quiet about it. I knew that I could go running after it and I could, you know. But I said no, no this was a free gift that came to me. And it came to me in Alcoholics Anonymous. And so I have stayed in Alcoholic Anonymous as a way of being faithful to that experience. But up until about nine years ago, I lived my life basically as a faithful member of AlcoholicsAnonymous and not in the awareness not living every moment as if everything is known it's okay and we are all it's all connected and and then about nine years ago a friend of mine was talking father Terry who's a professional God person and he he was describing somebody else's experience and I went oh I guess I should start to talk about wine and so I do it when I come on retreats and I do if I talk you know on Sunday morning at a convention but I don't really talk about it much except when it's on topic but my experience is that now everybody in here knows that the reason that you don't want to do a third step is that the last thing that you want to ever do is end up being a missionary in a third world country right because it's not cool now cool is you know lying in the gutter in your own urine right but I don't want to end up being a missionary it's a third-world country well when I was 20 years sober I went off to a place that I that I go and I went with I met with this spiritual director and and I was I was trying to see whether being involved in this retreat stuff was my ego or whether it was a real calling, and I felt it was calling. So I went to this man who, and you know, I spent a week there in silence and we'd get together and he said after three days, he said, no kid, it's all right, go ahead. Go ahead and I'll help you. But while I was up there, when you have these moments, I mean, when you turn one year sober and five years sober and 10 and 15 and 20 and 25, these big moments, of course, they're no more important than the day. But honor it. Honor this experience that we're having. So I turned my life well over to care of God in a very profound way. And sober man goes back home to Southern California. And I'm sitting there. A few weeks later, I'm sittin' in this church. Now, when I say church, I'm not saying what you think I'm saying. But I'm sitting at this place that I went to get fed. Guy was a contemplative and very, very helpful to me. Very, very help. And it was in that place that i met Father Keating. And so anyway, I'm siting at this place and the guy gets up and he goes, I just came back from vacation in Belize. I met a guy who I thinks really cool and he's working with a refugee community on the Guatemalan border. And they said that they gave him land, this woman gave him land, and we can build a church for this guy. And I think it would be really good to give him a center of operations. And what it will really be is it will be a community center and blah, blah, bla, bla. So I'm sitting there now. And my head goes, oh, well, that would be really fun for somebody else. I don't got the time, and I don' t got the money. And so I, but the problem is I've been meditating for a number of years by this time, and I know that my head is really useless for most important things. I mean, even the food choices it makes are really mostly stupid if I listen to it. and and so I so I go oh yeah I just got done turning my will in my life over so I stand up I'll go so I home to the nice Jewish wife and say I'm gonna build a house for Jesus down Central America I don't have time She looks at me and she says, my darling, if you can't leave that business for two weeks to go and have that experience, that business isn't worth having. She says, ask your customers. They'll send you just for entertainment value. So I did. And they came up with the money and they all had the same prayer. don't let him touch any power tools they know me so I go down with this group and I'm down on the Guatemalan border when I say Belize I'm not saying what you think I'm saying man I'm talking about the K's and string bikinis I'm talked about you know people that are that are busy moving like 30% of our brothers and sisters in Latin America are moving in one way or another out of One place to another, trying to find some place that they can stay long enough. And so what we were doing down there is trying to help people to stay, to get a school, to get some stuff going. So I'm down there for about three days. Now, I go to AA wherever I am. I always go to meetings wherever I'm at. And I'm starting to look at my fellow volunteers and evaluating their level of spiritual awareness. And I realized that it would probably be a good idea for me to go to an AA meeting. So I walk up to this Guatemalan priest and I say, Yobusco alcoholics and animals. And he dissolved into tears. And he goes, Yo soy. Yo soy alcoholico. And there, in the middle of the jungle in Central America, that man told me his story. And I told him mine. And every place that I have gone in the past 29 years, when I'm thinking that I'm doing something through this creative principle, God as I understand God, what do I get? I get you. I get alcoholics and all. I just happen to be on the dummy squad. I mean, I'm always getting hit with a big stick. And the only reason that I do this work is because I can tell a story and that I'm willing to share myself. It's in our brokenness that we are useful. Sober man is good for many things. But it's my scar tissue that is helpful, that is really helpful. now if you could do anything in the world God calling if you could do anything in the world what would you do what would you do would you drink socially and be able the date the twins is that what you want to do I asked myself that I asked me that myself that every New Year's now and a number of years ago what came to me was that that meditation had been so helpful to me that I wanted to do whatever I could to help introduce people to that now you've heard me talk a little bit about the Oxford group and there was a guy by the name of Frank Bookman who's a guy that got the Oxford Group rolling and in 1938 they changed the name to moral rearmament and in 1935 over the weekend of December 1st 2nd and third this worldwide network of people that he was involved with they put radio broadcasts in every nation in the world in that language trying to get people to meditate to what they called listening for guidance so that they could get their representatives to stand down the most outlandish thing and in any way what I what I did was I you know an homage to him I started a I got together with my spiritual teacher and I started a website and it's called guess what three minutes the number three minutes of silence dot org the number 3 minutes plural of silence.org and and what we do is is that we try to get together we get together every year at one day one moment the same time for three minutes folks all over the planet, to spend three minutes in silence in any form of meditation, prayer, or personal reflection that we might find an answer that is above party, above class, above religion, above faction, above race, and above nation. And that we may have justice whereby we see not only others' difficulties but our own. And that мы might bridge seemingly impossible and humanly hopeless situation. Those are Bultmann's lines. And on it, there's this wheel. And there are a dozen different meditative practices. There's this little labyrinth here for walking meditation. And if you were to click it, you could go to Estes Park, Colorado, and they would talk about the labyrinths that's here for you to walk. Or any place that you are, you can find a walking meditation. For the chanting of Aum, I've got a friend of mine, Tenzin Pradaharshi, who's a venerable monk, chanting Aum on this wheel here. I've got some stuff from the Jains. Their meditative practice. Marvelous. The oldest Hindu sect. Incredible what they've done. I've Got Some Wonderful Sufi Stuff Here. At the 7 o'clock hour, there's the thing from Initiatives of Change about how to listen. It's It's the meditative practice that Dr. Bob and Bill and all the early members were taught. I put it in modern language, but it's... It's all in our big book, but the actual wording and structure of the way that they did it. And it's a writing meditation. If you say, oh, I can't be quiet, well, it's just a way of being able to get into contact with your interior self. And then one that I want to recommend to you is on the third hour, it's an infinity symbol. And if you click on that, there's my friend Dulcy Smith who's been a student of Joel Goldsmith for the past 30 years doing the awareness exercise. And it's a 10-minute guided meditation to try and then if you do it like you try doing it every day or once or twice a week it's a real good way to learn how to get that split because when we're quiet what happens is is that first shift between our mind and our awareness and which is the one you know and so it's a wonderful thing and you just click on it and you can download it or you can listen to it it's but I did that and what happened is is that I've had a wonderful, wonderful experience in going along and trying to say, hey, come this way. But again, try it like you drank. Try it like used. There's all kinds of stuff. The only thing that's necessary is that you take the first step. The big lie about meditation is that somehow it's airy-fairy. It's not. It's blue collar. All you do is clock in and clock out. Put your ass in the seat for three minutes and see what happens, and see happen. And it's a great, great adventure. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing. And along this path, you'll meet teachers. Now, our friend Dave is the gatekeeper to my friend Keating. He'll be happy to tell you about Keating and about the centering prayer method, which is a wonderful, wonderful thing. And especially if you're from a Christian background, it's a really wonderful way to go. But I want to talk about my current terrorizing men because it's lot of fun to do. Earlier in the meeting we were talking about what can I take home. How many guys here have roommates and wives and girlfriends? Yeah, oh. Two bagger. Here honey, would you put the wig on tonight? Spiritual practice. It's amazing how shallow I am. I just love it. Once I embraced it, it was all okay. But anyway, I implore you. You know, in the book it says we beg of you and we were talking about what can we take home. When you go home, go to your loved one and say, Honey, I want to watch Oprah with you. Okay? Not that. Not that! I wantto tell ya something's going on. And this man Eckhart Tolle that the boys are gonna be studying this amazing master who I believe saved my wife's life, who I've spent seven years studying his stuff, who is the only person that I have been able always to recommend to anybody in the fellowship because he doesn't use medieval language at all. Maybe says God once an hour, uses the word love occasionally because it's all been so warped. And he gives very, very clear, simple direction on being present. This woman, Oprah Winfrey, five years ago picked his book The Power of Now up and made it one of her book selections and a lot of people really responded to it. Then this latest book that he's come out with, A New Earth, she made that a selection and it's amazing what it is that is happening this man who I believe is like my friend Thomas Keating Thich Nhat Hanh Pema Chokmong so that we make sure that you understand that there is a feminine aspect also that Marianne Williamson there's just a lot of folks that have got this but this is a guy that's got it and he's very very clear she is getting together once a week and they're reading the book they've got he actually helped her put together a study guide and what you can do is you can help to make your home a spiritual powerhouse and you don't have to say shit all you have to do is say honey you know that woman that you think is pretty cool that I've been denigrating for the past two decades can we watch her together and you go to oprah.com and you can download it this is week eight but you can download it so you got it on your on your hard drive you buy the book you read the thing and then you watch them talk and what they're doing is is they've hooked with Skype and people all over the planet are doing this thing at the same moment they've had over 14 million downloads and they're being quiet for like 15 seconds which you know in broadcast media is an eternity and there are all these people throughout the planet coming together and there's some good solid spiritual direction and practice that you can get that's really easy and it's not a big leap and it presented very very simply and very very lovingly and these people from all over the worlds are at coming in they're calling and they're asking questions you know like people that are evangelical Christians calling in saying I can't reconcile the language you use with this and he said well don't worry throw my book away so get any book by Joel Goldsmith. It uses the Christian nomenclature for exactly the same thing. Or people calling up and asking him questions about their children or their relationships. And it's just incredible. And so I really, really hope that you take advantage of that. And then if you can stop and join in with the boys and go through the process with them, it will be amazing. And it's only like 10 weeks, 12 weeks long. And what happens is that shift will happen. And once it happens, it's just like getting sober, man. It's on. It's all on. And this is the journey. This is the jury. There is no top and out in the 11th step. and you are surrounded with weirdos, like my own Roger, that will be more than happy to show you. They're just like the guy with all the psychedelics. Here, try this. Try this. Try this, try that. Try this? Oh, you didn't like that? Try this! Oh, here are the mushrooms. Try the mushrooms, okay? You know, I mean, you're not going to be hurt in the spiritual search unless you get around people that tell you that Alcoholics Anonymous is a lower form of understanding. I want to read you one thing from a man who had a lot to do with the establishment of the consciousness of Alcoholics Anonymous in Southern California, and as we know it. And my friend Gil makes his CDs available. It's Chuck Chamberlain, A New Pair of Glasses. And it's a wonderful, wonderful piece. He was an amazing force in Alcoholics Anonymous. And Chuck had this to say. He said there is only one problem in this life. One problem that includes all problems. and one answer that includes all answers. I am totally convinced that the only roadblock between me and you and me and God is the human ego. The only roadblock there is. I further believe that the best definition you'll ever hear of the human eagle is the feeling of conscious separation from? From what? From everything. Conscious separation from God, from each other, and eventually from ourselves. And what's the solution? The solution for me is in alcoholics and onlookers. is in the 11th step and the 12th step and the 1st and the 2nd and the 3rd and the 4th and the 5th step. Don't ever fire anybody. If God sends them to you, you can't hurt them. You can't hit them. And who are we to throw anyone away? always answer the phone there is no conflict with spiritual truth always say yes and everybody always goes well they're going to say that I have to go set up they asked me to set up chairs New Year's Eve if you've got a commitment to your family you have a commitment it's ok and there is no conflict there there is no conflict but always say yes say a couple more words and then I want to seal this with five minutes of quiet my card's up here with the website my phone number my email address I have no idea why we were together this weekend but I know that I am responsible and that if you ever want to talk all I'm really going to tell you is do you have a sponsor or are you sponsoring people but I am available and it's my great privilege and if you come through Los Angeles call me or if there's somebody you know who's coming I'll make sure you get to a good AA meeting and if it's a woman my wife will do the same The holiest place in the world is being in the birthing room. The second holiest place is being in the room where it gives the appearance that someone has died. But the third holiest place is at the kitchen table turning pages sharing the message of Alcoholics Anonymous each and every man in here there is a life whom you are destined to save and if you're not in the meeting if you are not making yourself available what will happen when that man comes through the door you can't hurt him open your heart and have the experience of sitting there when a man goes, oh my gosh, this will work for me. I am like that. I can do this with God's help. To be there at the second birth is the most amazing experience that any one of you have. And it is a worthwhile ride of excitement. Talk to any of us that have been around for a little while. It's been a marvelous, marvelous thing. I love this piece it's attributed to our Hopi brothers and I think it probably is a wonderful, wonderful expression of the Parker men's stag. This supposedly was written just after 9-11. You have been telling people that this is the 11th hour now you must go back and tell the people that this is the hour and there are things to be considered where are you living what are you doing What are your relationships? Are you in right relation? Where is your water? Know your garden. It is time to speak your truth. Create your community. Be good to each other. And do not look outside yourself for the leader. this could be a good time. There is a river flowing very fast. It is so great and so swift, and there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart. They will suffer greatly. No, the river has a destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the rivers, keep our eyes open and our heads above the water. See who is there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment we do, our spiritual growth comes to a halt. The time of the lone wolf is over. gather yourselves. Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration. We are the ones that we have been waiting for. Thank you. Let's do five minutes of silence. Thank you for watching.