Stevie B. at the Life Is Good Group – 2025

Hi everybody, my name is Stevie B. I'm a Grateful Believer and Recovered Alcoholic. When Michael speaks, you can tell there's true humility in there. And I don't know if you had that before, I don' t know if that's a product of your relationship with God, I don''t know if it's the product of the relationship with Jan or this meeting or sponsorship, all of the above. And that's what's going to happen if you turn your will and your life over to the care of God. last week was very special it was a very special meeting and if you came here last week and then you left early for whatever reasons and you're here tonight welcome back we're really excited to have you and I want you to know that's not something that happens all the time where the entire meeting is medallions it's a rarity but it's also an incredible blessing because there's a meeting this size there's so many people with time and they're still coming to meetings which is so very cool. I think Dan, 53 years all the way down to one year which was bad and it's just an incredible night. Last week we were the week before we were at step three and says if we found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person such as your wife No! I'm not saying my wife is not understanding I'm just saying that's what it says in the book. Best friend, spiritual advisor. They didn't have the word sponsor in here. I did mine with a sponsor. And it worked out for me. And we all got on our knees here two weeks ago. We got on Our Knees. Anybody was here two years ago? We got on our knees together as a group, and we did this step. It was really, really incredible. And so you might think to yourself, if that's the first time doing it on your knees, getting on your knee to do that step, is that we did the step. Like the step was done. We did the third step. We checked it off. It was good. Two weeks ago, we did The Step. We did it on our needs. We're good. I needed to do The Step today. I need to turn my will and my life over to the care of God today when I walked in the room tonight I don't know if this ever happens to Bob or Pat or Peter or Robert I don' t know if Robert Sanchez is here oh he is, I'm not sure if he is but I felt totally unworthy tonight to come up here like in my own personal life like if the bar is set at sobriety I got the sobriete part down I'm sober I'm physically sober mentally sober I've been sober for 23 years coming up on 24 years it's a miracle it's an incredible miracle I was the one I'd crack at it it's just a big deal but in order to come up here and talk about God and the steps I feel unworthy I feel unworthy because I didn't have a perfect God week I didn' t even have a perfect day I really didn't even have a perfect hour what does that mean I feel unworthy due to alcoholism my alcoholism is telling me that I'm not worthy but the moment I walk into this room and I feel the spirit, the Holy Spirit we just did the third step prayer house there and I felt the Holy spirit and the Holy spirt ushered me in to the room I realized it had nothing to do first of all I am a man there's nothing good in me that is apart from God so that was good to get that out of the way because I was walking in here hoping that I was going to feel some worthiness didn't happen my worthiness comes from my sobriety and my relationship with God and my membership in Alcoholics Anonymous and the moment that happened it was like it's all gravy after that Linda, congrats, 14 Linda no more 13 or 13 no more 30 we had a long 13 years ago, didn't we? So we got out of here and said, God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, which is what I was doing on the way in here. I was asking God to relieve me of the bondages of self. This has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do it with you. Thank you so much for saving a wretch like me. Thank you for giving me a room like this where there's energy. Thank you so much for giving me the founder of this meeting, James, which is watching tonight and beautiful David Pearl that invites me to come back here in this group. Thank you for giving us forums like this where we can enjoy ourselves and talk about God and talk abut sobriety and we're not talking about our car breaking down and all the other nonsense that goes on in some alcoholics and anonymous meetings. We're talking about the solution that's in the book. And then the moment I do that prayer, then I'm off the hook. It has nothing to do with me anymore. It has everything to do with my relationship with God. Albeit how inadequate. Like it was not a perfect week. It was not a perfect day, it was not a perfect hour. It wasn't even a perfect 15 minutes before we came into the room. But God. I don't think Miss Jackie's here tonight, but but God. Oh! So we realize that that step that we just did two weeks ago, the big book tells us that was only a beginning. Today we need to do another third step. We're going to need to go back and we're going gonna need to do another three steps tomorrow because I don' t know about you but I have a very great way of pushing God out and pushing me in. Like, I get on my knees and I ask God to keep me clean and sober in the morning. I ask him for me to be of maximum service and then the moment my knees hit 45 degree angles, somehow I want to take over. I become the almighty. I become a god. I become God's creator. I become that God's father. You're working with... We're working together. He's my co-pilot. I don't know. I need God to drive. You know what I'm saying? He should not be my co‑pilot I really do need him to drive. So the big book says next we launch out on a course of vigorous action. The first step is that we do a personal house meeting. And we're going to talk about the Bible tonight. We're going read the Bible. We are going to read the bible in this meeting. How do you like that? I know it's going to be difficult. We're actually going to do something called the book of Ecclesiastes. and before you freak out and run out of here that's right no, you can sing you have a great voice here's the book of Ecclesiastes turn, turn, turned there is a season turn, turnturn and a time to every purpose under heaven a time reborn a time to die a time to plant a time to reap a time to kill, a time to heal, a time to laugh, a time to weep. To everything turn, turn, turn. A time to build up, a time to break down, a time to dance, a time to mourn, a time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together. In everything there's a season and a time and a purpose under heaven, a time of love, a time of hate, a time of war, a time of peace, a time you may embrace, a time when we're afraid from embracing. There's a time to gain, a time for love, a time of time to lose, a time torrent, a time so, a time love, a time hate, a time peace. I swear it's not too late. That was a song in the 70s by the Byrds. There was a thing called records. Google it. and we had a song from the book of ecclesiastes from the bible written by the wisest man that we say that ever lived from the old testament from the torah a man by the name of solomon why do i tell you this this is the time to put pen to paper this is a time that if you did the third step there's people that say there there's people that that that i respect in alcoholics anonymous that say the third step is nothing more than a decision to do the fourth step. That was not my case. That is not my experience. The third step literally changed my very existence in Alcoholics Anonymous because I got down on my knees with a little man and I held his hand, and I didn't want to do it, and we were in a hotel room in San Francisco, and it was a jump of faith. And when I got up off my knees, I was in Alcoholic Anonymous. And one of the ways that I wanted to be really an alcoholic synonymous was to get a pen and paper and to write down these things that needed to be a time to let go. A time to letgo, a time to heal, a time mourn, a time acknowledge that I had pain, a timeto acknowledge that there is stuff that happened to me in my life that I was still carrying that if I didn't let go, I was going to drink again. I was resenting the kid who shot me and carrying that. I was resenting what my dad did to me. I was resenting with my mom, that's the most beautiful angel in the world, that is Washington. I resented her. I resended my sister for being the favorite in the house. I resanted a lot of things and if you would have asked me how I was, I would have told you I was good. At 11 months, I thought I was great. I thought I was good. I knew I resorted to the kid who shot me and I had thought I had already done enough work on the fourth step in my 27 treatment centers that I was good but the truth of the matter 25 years ago is that I wasn't I was really carrying around still all that stuff all that baggage the time for me to change would not have happened if it wasn't for the fourth set or the fifth set that we're going to talk about tonight now I'm not going to go over the mechanics of it because there's people first of all the big book seminar is next weekend I don't know where Bob is so go there You want the mechanics? Go to the big book separate. He's going to tell you about the columns, Bob Cadigan is going to tell you what comes, they're going to tell you ABOUT RESENTANCE, FEARS, HARMS CAUSE OTHERS, SEXUAL HARMS CAUSES OTHER AND THEN THEY'RE GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT GOING ACROSS AND THE WHOLE THING AND IT'S IN THE BIG BOOK AND IF YOU CAN'T MAKE IT TO THE SEMINAR, IT'S ON PAGE 65. BUT WHAT I WANTED YOU TO KNOW IS THAT IT SAYS NEXT WE LAUNCHED ON A COURSE OF VIGOROUS I don't know if you've ever been in the gym or seen videos of people go to the gym. There's people in the gyms that are on the stair-stepper and they are not vigorous. They're never going to get to where they're going. There's no vigorosity in their whole stair-stepper. They are doing like... You come back a year later, they have not went anywhere. You're still like this on the stair step. That's not vigorous. You're not getting anywhere. You can't just lily-dally into the fourth step and write a couple of resentments and a couple fears and a few harms caused others and you slept with somebody that could put you in sexual harm. That's no vigorous thing. This is vigorous! If there's a time to heal, this is the time to change. You don't want to get to the 11th step and realize you didn't do the 4th and 5th step and then you're a hot mess. And now you're dating in AA and you're creating little hot mess babies. And I don't mean that like literally like little babies, I'm talking about like little messes. I didn't really mean babies, I meant like messes but some of you are making babies but that's different. So this is the time for you to put pen to paper for us to put pen to paper and I'm there in San Francisco with my sponsor and I write down this guy that you and I know we grew up with and I wrote down Kevin in my fourth step and Kevin shot me and I lost my eye but my sponsor says let's talk about this and I start going across the columns on the fourth step so I'm resentful at Kevin he shot me in the eye I lost mine eye my life has been changed I can't see, all these different things. So I put that down. I'm like pissed. And then I get to, you know, what does this affect? What does it affect? Everything. It affects everything. Sexual, social, emotional, security, everything. And then it gets to where's your part in this? I was shot! Where's my part in This? Well, talk to me about it. Talk to me About It. Okay, I gave Kevin the gun. It was my gun in my backyard and I came up with the game, shoot at me. By the time I was done with that list, that resentment was gone. 25 years I had carried that every single day of my life. And in two seconds, I never carried it again. You understand the power that's in this? Now, I'm not saying that if someone raped you, that's going to happen to you. But you're going to put that down and say, where were you wrong? I was not wrong. But you could still start praying for the person because it's on paper. I didn't carry it. That was my number one resentment in my whole life. It turns out I, and now a friend of mine is here tonight and she knows I'm trying to get in touch with him. So now I'm trying to get back in touch with him. She said, now I am trying to make amends to him for carrying him in my heart the wrong way for 25 years. And I don't know if he is going to take the amends because I have talked about them in every step series in the course of the country. So I am not sure he is letting me make the amendment. But I am going to try. He did nothing wrong. We were 12 and 13. I couldn't see it. and I put my dad down there. My dad, he threw me on top of the car at Great Adventure Amusement Park and choked me on the car. I just, I put that, my dad choked on the door and chocked me on to the car where it affected everything across the border, affected everything. I'm a violent person because of that and then I said where was I wrong? I said what do you mean? Is anybody reading this? The man choked to me. well why did he just i mean just woke up and choked you it turns out i pushed him for three and a half hours from long island to new jersey by the time he got to new jersey it was a miracle i was only choked i owe him an amends for probably having him have a nervous breakdown for the amount of needling and cajoling and pushing him and all the stuff that I did. And I was a pain in the tush in every way. A 15-year-old big mouth know-it-all from Long Island with gigantic hair gel. By the time he threw me on the car, that was the best thing he could do. And I don't really know if he choked me. That could have been something I made up. We have to stop here for a second. and I have to ask you, what does 2003 mean for this meeting? Where is that? Thank you, Lord. There's so much stress that's been causing me for weeks because that 20 never moves and I just speak and then it never moves. Okay, I'm good, fine. Let's move on from there. So that resentful, am I that? Gone. Dad, I don't know but I'm sorry for being such a troublesome teenager. I'm so sorry for the way I spoke to you. I'm sorry for using F-curse at you and mom. I'm Sorry I didn't honor my mother and father. I'm SORRY I wasn't a good teenage son, and I was a terrible teenage son. That's all happened in the fifth step. Excuse me, this all happened because I had a sponsor that knew how to ask the questions where was I wrong? You know, as I started to go to the fourth step, and everything that I had for resentments, almost every resentment I ever had, I was wrong. there's one resentment that I wasn't wrong that my dad did to me not knowing not molestation or anything of course not my dad's an incredible man may God rest his soul he was a saint that fought on Porkchop Hill in Korea but my dad took me to do guy stuff in Manhattan and he thought that this is what guys did and kind of messed me up but he didn't know because that's what his dad did with him so that's something that was done to me that I was not wrong in. But then what did I do with it for the next 25 years? I was wrong. You know, like, if you had a window open in Long Island and you didn't have the shades drawn in our neighborhood, I'm sorry. I wanted to apologize now if that's anybody here. I do have a friend from Long Island and if I looked in your window, I'm so sorry. I apologize. Which is not easy to do when you have one eye. It's a very hard thing to do it. To be a peeping Tom of one eye is a very serious commitment because you can't look out and see if anybody's watching you. You have to like, be like a cyborg. So that was hard. That was a hard life. That wasn't the hard way to make a living. So my dad took me to a strip store when I was 12. That Was Wrong. But I carried that out for the next 15 years i was wrong you see when i put that down where was i wrong i was wrong every other time that i did it because i i once i got to be you know 15 16 17 i knew what was wrong and i still did it and so the fourth the fourth and fifth step is not some mechanical thing that we have to do it's a magical thing that мы get to do and before you start going to meetings and putting, you know, like stuff on your face that makes it look like you're sick and you get some ashes and you put it on your face and people say, what's wrong? And you go, I'm in the middle of my fourth step. And then everyone at the meeting, all of a sudden comes and goes, oh, I am so sorry. You may have to take some time off from work. Not for me. Like I couldn't wait to get that stuff out. I've been carrying baggage my whole life thinking I'm the worst person in the entire room. I'm the dirtiest person, I'm the most broken person. I've done the worst things. I'm the most perverted person. And you know what? That's not true. We all have different sexual things that we've done or happened to us. None worse than anyone else. There's no sin according to the beginning of man. It's any different than anyone else it's just different flavors of ice cream. And that was very big relief for me. To know that I wasn't garbage. I did bad things but I wasn' t bad. I carried shame where shame should have been carried, and I was able to lay that shame down. I was unable to take the guilt and say, okay, God, forgive me, and then place the guilt on the altar where I asked God to forgive me. But I wasn't a bad person. I had done bad things. Big difference. I'm not a piece of garbage. I did bad things but the big book says that once we do this program, then we were reborn, so I don't have to continue to live that. I'm 57 now. I don' t have to go back to when I was 14 on the roofs. 14, 15, 16, some 17, you know, right on there. I can lay that down and not take a breath. And that's the magic of the fifth step. Fourth step, fifth step, both of them. When it came to fears, from my neighborhood where I grew up, I didn't think I was a fear person. I had made this false bravado like I can do anything. I don't know if that's the way you are but I thought I wasn't afraid of anything. I thought the fear thing was going to be quick because I thought I was pretty brave. Turns out I have a lot of fears, like from everything. And every time I wrote down another fear was another cleaning the garbage off the sunlight of the spirit of the window so that God could shine into me. When I wrote it down, I had a fear of people. When I write it down I had fear of intimacy. when I wrote down I had a fear I have a fear of interpersonal communications I am not good in rooms of I'm a very good speaker, I'm good at this I'm not saying I'm very good at speaking, I're good at this but I'm not good at the one-on-one and I wrote that down I have trouble communicating what do you mean you have trouble communicate I have problem getting down to one I want to know what's going on with you but I don't want any, I am good so I wrote it down being alone, fear of being alone fear of dying there's a lot of fears fear of getting arrested I have a very serious fear of being arrested that's what got me in the rules fast you guys I give you a lot of credit you commit multiple felonies and keep going Jerry is amazing but no not me I did three hours in the Miami jail And that was like a scared straight program for me when I saw what they were feeding me. I was like, I've never drank since. That was serious business. Three hours in the Miami jail and I saw I was going to have to poop in front of people? I never went back. That was not for me. No. So I had some real fears. Okay? And I think fears are good. I have a real fear of relapsing. That's a healthy fear. I have fear of my wife. My wife is very scary. My wife can be scary. Not all the time, but she is very scared. I know that if I relapse, it's over. Like my wife is Colombian. She carries weapons and serious business. Okay? She don't play and she has an accent that's very cute until it's not. You know? And so she's like, I don't need it. I know it's serious. Am I right, brother Jerry? We don't, we don't pray with Colombian wives. We're both married to Colombian wise and we don' t pray. So I have a healthy fear of my wife. My mom is a healthy... A lot of people have a unhealthy fear of their wives. A lot people have an unhealthy fear of my life, to be honest with you. She's a strong personality. That's a good fear. And I want you to know something. I have fear of God. I have afraid of disappointing Him. I don't fear Him like He's not going to love me. I know He's going to do that. I know that He's always going to love me no matter what, but I have the fear of disappointing it. And so as I started to write down these things, I realized I had some amazing fears. Some fears of heights that are not going serve me. some fear of different things a fear of going back to school I had this terrible fear of going to school and finishing my bachelor's degree which I did just a couple years ago about 12 years ago I said to my sponsor I have a fear of going Back-to-School by the time I finish school I'm going to be like 42 and he said well how old will you be in four years if you don't go back to School and I said 42 so maybe you should go back-to school sounds like you're going to 42 either way right Robin there's no way we'll go back to school you've got your doctorate I've got my bachelor whatever it is there's nothing you can't do. There's nothing you cannot do with the help of God. There's people that have every initial after their name and I'm not talking about degrees, I'm talking about ADHD, hyper C, 25 initials that get master's degree, PhD. That have every diagnosis should not be in school with other people. They have a shirt that says does not mix well with normal people. And they're most of the people that work in the treatment centers now. Dan's one of them. They're all psychologists. There's nothing you can't do with the help of God. But the fear in the fourth step, that needs to be written down. If you feel going back to school, write it down so that that fear, you can give that to God and God can take that from you. If yo keep picking bad relationships, if you have a broken picker, Write it down. People in AA, a lot of times, and maybe this isn't every program, but a lot of times shoot very low. They don't shoot for partners, they shoot for projects. There's like six sick people in the room and five need help medically, spiritually, physically and then that's the one they go for. Write that down. You have a bad picker. It's okay to say you have a back picker, you can pick better. God do the picking and then and then so resentments all my resentments every resentment I ever I have some new hurts but they're not resent I have some recent hurts I'm hurt but they are not resent they haven't they don't they haven't formulated into a sentence over I see the person I'm not going to walk on the other side of the street if I see that person it's nothing I'm not I'm but I don't know Bob I'll ask Bob after the meeting if our hurt is resentment. It doesn't feel like it's a resentment. It feels like it is a hurt. Like we once had this type of relationship and now we don't. And it hurts. I don't feel resentful. I don' t think I have a resentment against any person in the entire planet because I've done the work. I've went through the work and going through the work, when you get to the other side of the work, you really realize this thing, the 12 steps really are completely effective in every way. And when I wrong somebody, I have the tenth step I've wrong showed him I've really wrong showed I've cursed at him I went crazy I've curse them up and down And within You know 15 minutes We Please forgive me We never brought it up again Except in You know For You know A diagram or An example Because we're all human When I gave my life to God And I was reborn He took cursing from me But that doesn't mean It's not in there It's in there. You won't hear it on a daily basis, but if I get angry to the point John has heard it, Jerry's heard it Shelton's heard my wife has heard it, the closest people to me have heard it because if my guard is down, it's in that it's not we're not rendered white as snow. So what's so incredible about that is we have a step called the 10th step continue to take personal inventory and when wrong promptly admitted I promptly admit it show that I was wrong John, I was wrong. Jerry, you know, wrong-ish. Still a long work in progress. My mom's hysterical. And so there's not a resentment I have in the entire world. But why? Because of the fourth and fifth step. And when I did the first fourth and sixth step, when I had over 100 resentments and they all seemed absolutely seriously real. The guy, the Hollywood police department guy punched me in the chest he punched me in my solar plexus i was so upset with that guy i was like like any hollywood police officer i saw him like that those people punched me on my chest and then years later when we opened up our treatment center i went to get my arrest report and i felt terrible what i did to this guy i mean if the if the arrest report is correct i it's amazing he only punched me in my chest. I mean, what a jerk. I think I started off with, I pay your salary. It never goes good from there. There's no up side from that. And then according to the arrest report, I cursed out of like 45 F-curses. And dann eventually, as I was going towards him to state my case, he punched me in the chest.I couldn't feel any worse about that situation. Resent and gone. Why? In the fifth step, where was I wrong? All over it. He didn't just come into my house and beat me with a baton as Ed may have said to me that no, it's not happened like that. I was in my car, passed out at the wheel, a full car of drugs. The entire back was full of drugs and plastic bags full of drugs. And I was on my way into the Publix to throw them into the dumpster there so that I wouldn't get caught at my own uh trash receptacle on the way in there i passed out drove the car 45 degree angle and passed out in the car the police officer came over knocked on with the baton and i got out and i said why are you waking me up in the middle of the day which ended up me getting punched several times in the chest and then arrested I was 100% wrong You see how amazing this thing How free you can be There's not a person on there That's holding me hostage Including myself To my own bad behavior This is called the confession step Every religion has it And I mean every religion Because every religion Every major religion knows That you cannot be walking around With baggage and garbage And be free to worship God however you call God because if I'm on my knees or I'm in a prone position or I am worshiping whoever you call God your God and I am thinking about all the stuff I did and how unworthy I am like the way I felt on the way in here tonight I cannot be of maximum service to you or my fellows if everything that is going through my head is I am garbage the people are garbage they are garbage all that kind of stuff it's not going to work and by the way I want you to know something I don't believe this is not AA This is just my personal opinion. A guy like me does not watch politics. A guy likes me. I'm not telling you you shouldn't. You do whatever you want to do. I need to keep the spirit flowing. I need the love of everybody. I cannot be of maximum service to you if I'm worried about where you are. I don't like that kind of stuff. I don' t want to know your stuff. I've got friends that are very, very political and I love them just the same. I'm no political because my political party is i have a god he has set me free i was totally lost i couldn't take a sober breath i was in treatment center after treatment center detox after detox finished off in a mental institution 25 years ago then i asked god to keep me clean and sober then he did on january 3rd i've never taken another drink i've ever cheated on my wife i've been to another illicit sex situation that i used to go to all the time i was arrested for it in alcohol synonymous for picking up a prostitute in my previous sobriety, all that got removed from me. I don't have enough time to be worrying about what's going on in politics. That's not my thing. You want to do the big book? Let's do the Big Book. You want talk about God? Let's talk about god. I have to keep my... I have the grouch and the brainstorm are now for me. I need to keep mine. My mind needs to be opened. My mind means to be cleared and my mind needs to be free. And I love all people. Every single person. I don' t like some of the stuff you do. and you don't like some of the stuff I do. And you know what that has done for me? Made me a better driver. Hold on, I'm not saying I'm a better driver, I have one eye, I do the best I can. But I'm not cutting you off on purpose. Right? I'm not F-cursing you, you're never going to see me in the car F-curse you. Because if I'm thinking about how you just pulled in front of me, I am thinking about I shouldn't even have a license. I mean let's be honest I shouldn't have a license when I was 16 years old on Sunken Meadow Beach I got so obliterated I had to drive home with the only eye looking at the yellow line to get home and I could have killed 25 people and if you think it's hard to drive drunk and this is the last time I mention the eye but this is important if you thing it's harder to drive junk with two eyes try doing one eye driving drunk That's very serious, hard to do. I should have never had my license passed 16. I'm 57. I'm on borrowed time. You want to cut me off? I slow down. You wantto give me the F finger? I wave at you. You don't let me in? I say stuff like, well, what a shame. They don't Let you in in Florida. People are mean in Florida I just say stuff Like that But I don't lose myself Because I shouldn't even Have a license When I go over to The Motor Vehicles Bureau And they give me a hard time I'm thinking to myself At least I have a motor vehicles licensed to have a hard time about and that's the god's honest truth the whole fourth and fifth step flips it all around on you and now the sexual harms i want to just go with the sexual arms sexual harms is not you writing down all the sexes you had with people this is not a dating app my first fourth step was a bragging thing i was like look at my fourth step to my sponsor jerry And my sponsor said, Jerry, what do you got these names on here for? What did you do to them? I'm like, I slept with them. He's like, that's, I don't know what step that is. That has nothing to do with this. I don' t know who you're trying to impress. You need to write down the things you did wrong when it had to do with sex. The thing I told you about the peeping Tom, that was wrong. I took advantage of people through their windows without their permission. That's wrong. I'm sorry I did it. It was a terrible thing. It's wrong, right? I've now, in the ninth step, made so much amaze to women over the last 30 years, the Lord has forgiven me. I lied to people when I was in Minneapolis. I lied and I told them I was an actor. I told him I was on the moon. I told my would get parts in the movies for them. Sounds funny now? People are still waiting for a call. It's not that funny. And I had a whole thing. A lot of the women look at me now, they stop smiling, remember I was young, I didn't go, it was a terrible thing to do, pretend I was in the movie business and I was wrong. That goes on your foot, that's a sexual harm caused, that is wrong. So there's stuff like that. I don't put every time I looked at pornography, first of all I don�t have enough paper so So I didn't write that down. So I write down every time I've done something wrong, that's serious business. And then I give it to God and I ask him to forgive me. And he has. God has forgiven me for everything that I've ever done if my heart is in the right place. And he's forgiven you for everything you've done as long as your heart is in the correct place. Grace, God's grace is for when we fall, not for when we jump. That means right now, I'm not planning. Right now, I'm not planning on going back and doing any of the stuff that's on my fourth step because that would be jumping. Like if I go and God forbid, of course, I am not saying I am not capable. It's been 30 years. It's 35 years. But if I go to pick up a prostitute tonight on the way home that's not where God's grace falls. That's a premeditated relapse of behavior. Okay? So I know where to play with things and not play with things and that's a no-play zone. And that's on my fifth step. And I did that sober. You see, I've been sober most of my life. A lot of you have been drinking and you did drinking and drugging and you Did Most of Your Bad Stuff. Some of you did most of your bad stuff when you were drinking and drugging. I did most Of My Bad Stuff When I Was Sober. Cold, sober, sober. But mental. I'm sober from 1 to 12. That's 12 years. I was sober from 21 to 30. That's another 9 years. And now I'm sober 23 years. That's most of my life. I've drank like seven to nine years of my life and did drugs. That means most of My bad behavior happened sober but not sober-minded. There's a big difference. The Bible says to be sober- minded. That's where the word sober came from. To put your mind on things above. My bar that I set on My life is not sober. My bar is without set on Life is practicing these principles in all My affairs. How am I practicing these principals in all My affairs? How do I hug a woman an alcoholic's non-analyst? Am I hugging a woman in Alcoholics Anonymous to get an extra feel because I'm married? Or am I hugging a woman In Alcoholics Andonymous to love her as a sister in God? I make sure that I give the whole angle thing where we don't touch boobies or anything like that. And my whole time, I'm thinking about doing a proper hug because I want to make sure I honor God and I honor that woman. Why? Because I didn't honor women when I was 17. This whole thing, everything that I'm talking about, this is real. You start acting like this, you start writing this down you share it with a sponsor all of a sudden something totally happens and changes now here's a spiritual mri for you if it hasn't happened if you're still acting like a degenerate if you still doing the same things you always did but the only thing that you're sober is that you need to go back through the steps and get where bob is you need to get back through the steps having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps if that spiritual awakening didn't happen because there's nothing wrong with you you just didn't do the work there is nothing too impossible for god all these things that i just said to you are not so that I could brag. It's so that I can report to you that a guy that was totally broken, that was fully degenerate, that cursed every F curse out of his mouth, every single thing that I ever said, ordering a pizza, how is this? Everything that I ever said was an F curse. Everything that I ever did, everything that I ever thought was impure, everything that I ever wanted to do was impured and most of that has been changed because of this program. That's the grace of God. And you know what? that's going to affect, you know where it says affects your sex relations? It's going to affect your sex. My wife can trust me. Listen, I went to my store the other day. There was a very good looking guy like like you are like a boxer guy, a Spanish guy. He was a coach, a boxing coach. And my wife was looking beautiful. She had like one of the most beautiful outfits I've ever seen. Totally stunning. And I walked over to the store where my wife is working in this boxer guys talking to her and he's in shape like 50 year old shape guy. And I go to him, I go, where do you go to the gym? He goes, I don't have a boxing gym. Then I go on the Ufin. And he says to me, he goes, you look like you're in pretty good shape too. I'm 57. I said, I am in good shape. And guess what? I looked at that good looking guy, talked it to my beautiful wife and got in the car and walked the dog and never thought anything of it. You see, if your mind is pure you're not going to be jealous of your wife, your husband, your boyfriend. You're not even jealous. If you're now thinking about cheating you're just going to you're never going to be worried about if anyone could have been cheating leaving those two a Spanish Latino with my wife looking the way they both were and I didn't even think anything of I didn' t think of anything of that until just now. Now I resent it. But before then, I was totally clear. Here's the point. I'm not thinking about cheating. Neither is my wife. I trust her. She trusts me. That took twenty-five years, twenty-six years, I'm sorry, twenty six years of making amends, confessing to her that if I've looked at pornography, listen, I want you to know I fell, I looked at porn. I'm saying you should go home. I'm telling them about myself. I want you to know this is what I did, confessing to brothers, confessin' to my wife, and now my heart is pure and I don't have to carry that stuff. Listen, you wanna be set free? How free do you wanna me? You wanna be a little free? And by the way, Maria, let me just make a little mention for Maria, Bob, because Maria said that I just had one hemorrhoid and then Bob, and then I didn't wanna come to a meeting. But that's not what happened. I had a total hemorrhidectomy. That's right. Okay, Maria? I had serious surgery, but Maria just said I had an hemorrhea, I wanted her to say that That didn't happen, okay? But the true part of that story is I was in horrible pain until Bob came here and gave a kidney the next week. This is not a joke. Listen. I wouldn't know how to behave if it wasn't for the people on this program. I wouldn'T know that people come here in a meeting after they give a kidney if I didn't get to see this. You guys showed me about burying wives and husband and coming to meetings. You showed me you showed me about losing businesses and coming to meetings You showed me about failing and coming to meetings. You showed me about the most incredible marriage in the whole world still coming to meeting and carrying this message. If it wasn't for you, if it wasn' t for the steps, if I wasn't my relationship with God, I wouldn't know how to behave. God bless you guys. I'll see you next week.