Steps 10, 11, and 12 Keep You in the Game – Scott R.

About This Speaker Tape

Scott R. opens with a confession: without Step 10, he would have stopped doing Step 12 work entirely — because newcomers act like newcomers, and that used to make him furious. The whole weekend's teaching lands here: the steps don't end at nine, and the ones that keep you in the game are the ones nobody talks about enough.

The specifics are what make this tape. His mother — "nuttier than a fruitcake," living in a world populated entirely by maniacs and morons — becomes a live demonstration of Step 10 inventory. His sponsee Roland called every night and left a message: "Scott, it's Roley. I love you. I'm sober. Good night." Scott's oldest son couldn't fall asleep until he heard that message on the machine. Roland had no idea. Scott had no idea. That's the 12th step: you don't even know what you're doing when you do it. He also describes a men's meeting taken weekly to a sponsee dying of AIDS, who finally admitted he was terrified to tell the group how sick he really was — scared they'd stop hugging him.

Scott walks through his personal Step 11 prayer line by line — a morning routine built from the Big Book's chapter on Into Action — and quotes Bill W.'s description of the 11th step from Bill's Story as "absolutely gorgeous." His framework for the 12th step is blunt: the lens of the soul has to stay clean of resentment, fear, and self-seeking, not so you can be a source of love, but so you can reflect a little light. He also describes the natural separation from a sponsor as something like adolescence — necessary, and survivable without anyone getting killed.

If you've been sober long enough that your bottom is starting to feel like ancient history, or if you're doing 12th step work but quietly resenting the people you're supposed to be helping, Scott's talk is the mirror. He's been there, and he has the Step 10 inventory to prove it.

Topics

Timestamps

• 5:00 Scott explains why Step 3 has little lasting effect without Step 4 — and why Step 4 collapses without a maintained Step 10 to back it up.
• 12:00 His mother, who sees every driver as a maniac or moron, becomes a live Step 10 inventory — Scott lists his defects toward her, including being a hypocrite who does the exact same things she does.
• 20:00 The calculator comes out: Scott asks sponsees to calculate how many minutes and dollars their Higher Power has saved them — then asks if they can spare 15 of those minutes for someone else.
• 28:00 Sybil Corwin — the first woman in AA in Southern California — knocked on strangers' doors with a stack of letters from the Big Book mailing list. Scott calls her the woman who didn't make coffee; she made history.
• 35:00 Roland's nightly voicemail — 'I'm sober and good night' — turns out to be the only thing that let Scott's young son fall asleep. Neither man knew it was happening.
• 40:00 Scott recites his full Step 11 morning prayer from memory, built line by line from the Big Book — asking for direction, divorced thinking from self-seeking, and to be held close just for today.
• 46:00 Scott describes separating from his sponsor like a teenager separating from a parent — necessary growth, but the rule is: don't make your sponsor pay for you having to grow up.