Steps 10 and 11 Aren’t a Test You Pass — They’re What I Do From the Moment I Wake Up – Shane H.

About This Speaker Tape

Shane H. shares a raw, deeply personal story of growing up with an unstable identity — born Michael Shane Mefford from a one-night stand, renamed Shane Lee Turpin at age four by an adoptive father, and finally choosing Michael Shane Holland at twenty-six. As a child, he coped by chasing perfection in sports and school, desperate for love and attention. Around age ten, doctors told him he was showing signs of muscular dystrophy and would be confined to a wheelchair before finishing high school. His world, already fractured by his parents' divorce, began collapsing.

Shane's first real drunk came at eleven or twelve on a booze cruise in the Bahamas, drinking Bahama Mamas he and his sister thought were Kool-Aid. By middle school, he was drinking whenever the opportunity arose, chasing the feeling that everything was okay. He became a masterful chameleon — getting good grades, playing different roles for different crowds — while his body deteriorated and his drinking escalated. At Ohio University, he became known as the guy whose wheelchair was parked outside whichever bar he was in. He pledged a fraternity, drank Crown Royal with abandon, and blacked out regularly.

Shane attempted suicide twice — once with hundreds of aspirin around age nineteen, once with sleeping pills and NyQuil at twenty-four — and seriously considered it a third time at thirty-eight. He first got sober September 19, 1999, after reading "The Courage to Change" given to him by a high school teacher who was in Al-Anon. A man named Jerry walked him through the Big Book's physical allergy, mental obsession, and the bedevilments on page 52, and became his first real connection in AA. But after five years, Shane walked away, convinced he could handle life on his own.

For ten years he lived dry — no meetings, no steps, just white-knuckling through marriage, kids, and career while dying inside. When the thought of ending his life returned a third time, a former sponsee reached out on Facebook with a simple question that jolted him back. He found the Serenity House, accidentally walked into a women's meeting in his motorized wheelchair, and was given his current sponsor's number. Now six years back in the program, Shane describes a transformation built on daily practice of Steps 10 and 11. Every fear he had — being bathed by others, losing the ability to drive, his hands weakening — has come true, yet he says he has never been more at peace. His message is simple: stay in the present moment, wiggle your toes, and trust the Higher Power who showed up when nothing else worked.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Tim introduces the Monday Night Blue Chip Speakers Meeting and Shane from the Serenity House Big Book study group
• 2:30 Shane opens with prayer and explains his two sobriety dates — September 19, 1999 and March 12, 2014
• 5:00 Born Michael Shane Mefford from a one-night stand, renamed twice — the identity crisis that defined his childhood
• 9:00 Leg collapses at peewee football practice, beginning of muscular dystrophy diagnosis at age ten
• 13:00 First drunk at eleven or twelve on a Bahamas booze cruise — sister swimming on the hotel lobby floor
• 18:00 High school drinking escalates to Bacardi 151, blackouts, losing girlfriend Stephanie
• 23:00 First suicide attempt with 600-900 aspirin, survives, concludes Higher Power does not exist
• 28:00 Ohio University — wheelchair parked outside bars, fraternity life, second suicide attempt with sleeping pills and NyQuil
• 34:00 3 AM guitar moment leads to reading The Courage to Change, then the Big Book — September 19, 1999 sobriety begins
• 42:00 Returns to AA in 2014, accidentally walks into a women's meeting at the Serenity House, finds his current sponsor
• 48:00 Living with every fear realized — wife bathes him, hands weakening — yet at peace through daily Steps 10 and 11, closes with page 68