Steps 4 and 7 – Myers R. – FOTS Toronto – 2020

Guys, I'm a little bit, a little emotional sometimes in looking at the chats and looking at the, I'm kind of blown away by how many folks are here from a lot of places. I've talked to people that I hadn't seen or heard from for 15 or 20 years, and they're here. And it's just such a cool, cool deal. I want to thank you more than you will ever know for your kindness. It always kind of blows me away how just your kindness is unreal. And for this old guy from Texas, it's just an amazing deal reading through those chats and seeing how many people were saying nice things and nobody was getting goofy or critical. If they had anything they disagreed with, they didn't say anything, which is always kind of like. It's pretty special. This little area. And we're, we kind of set it up like this for a reason because when Chris comes back right after lunchtime, we're going to talk about, he'll pick up and he'll circle back through some of this inventory stuff. He always has some things that I missed that he will bring out and then, then he'll take the bulk of the afternoon stuff. I am. The stuff that Allie was talking about. I'm always one of those kind of guys that we've been doing. These for so long, the, not just the fellowship of the spirit stuff, but it would be 20 some odd years ago. I took my first trip to Europe to do an AA deal. And then there was one or there's one year in there. I was in Europe five different times in one year doing stuff and in Sweden and Norway and Denmark and they just sort of a fascinating kind of thing. But I've, I've been in so many workshops. That one of the things that I'm particularly sensitive of is how bad your rear must hurt sitting. And, and it's like it, it really, one of the reasons that I like the zoom thing is because you can stand up and you don't have to feel a goofy about it. The and it makes it a little easier. You're also sitting on maybe a couch or a chair that's more comfortable than one of those folding metal chairs in Europe, especially they would do these workshops that would start at like 830 in the morning. And. They would go till seven or eight o'clock at night. They would just be like forever. And these poor people, I mean, it didn't make any difference what we came to talk about or what we were said, if you've been sitting for 10 hours in a day, you you're, you're, you're done. And it was just like, I've been really excited that a lot of these conferences have kind of streamlined them. Um, and in some cases taking the Sunday piece out so that folks could get home and spend some time with their family and this sort of thing that said. There, there's nothing I know of, oh, gee, I was good. I'm sorry. There was one thing I was going to say that I didn't say last hour that I wanted to be sure and say, I want to personally thank the tapers that are doing this. Um, guys, I cannot begin to describe how life changing these, uh, when I first started, when I first sobered up, they were actually tapes, cassette tapes. Remember those? And, um, the, uh, this is before CDs were even out there. Um, and, um, I'm, I'm painful. Painfully shy. I cannot approach anybody to speak of. And I was at a conference one day leaning against the wall and a taper walked over to me and he said, you're new, aren't you? And I went, no, I've been around for a couple of months and he's laughed and he said, Hey, I, I got a, I got a, uh, a tape I want to give you. And he gave it to me. Uh, and, uh, uh, I'll never forget. And it kind of kicked the door open. And to this day, one of my favorite things to do is to go. Fine. Some tapes for old conference guys, old guys that have been, have passed away. And some of the wisdom that comes out of those things. It just freaks me out. It's so cool that there's a lot of new guys coming in to take up the slack. Uh, we're, we're blessed with some great speakers that are coming up. Uh, but it, it, it surely was special to me. And I, so I'm always, um, uh, so grateful that the tapers would take the time. Um, it's not a, not a dollar thing. It never has been for most of those cats. Um, it's, uh, uh. Because they realize what, what they're doing. Um, pretty special. Um, at the bottom of page 63, um, in, in book studies, I'm always kind of fascinated by how quickly Bill Wilson will slide from this third step prayer in the middle of 63 down to, uh, the very bottom one. They give us this little piece of hope at the bottom of that page that says, um, um, this was only a beginning though, if honestly and humbly made in effect, sometimes a great one was felt at once. Um. I didn't, I didn't have a great deal of stuff that happened to me, uh, at the end of my third step, but I have experienced in sponsorship, uh, uh, countless numbers of men who, uh, had profound experiences when they were willing to, um, make a decision to let God, uh, do what he does best, which is run this crazy show, um, which is pretty special. What's fascinating is that at the very bottom of that page, it says, next, we launch out on the course of vigorous action. That first step of which is a personal house cleaning, which many of us have never attempted. No, our decision, that third step little piece was vital and crucial step. It could have a little permanent effect and last what at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves, which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So listen, if there's ever been an area of our fellowship, uh, worldwide, this is not just, you know, this is worldwide. Uh, where we've played weird games with this stuff is around the inventory. Um, there are geographical areas where, um, AA folks are encouraging people that it's not important to do inventory at all. They've just kind of taken it out of the picture. Um, there are other geographical areas where they do it a certain way and another geographical area where they'll do it another way. Um, uh, one of the things that's always. Sort of surprised me is that bill Wilson back on page 17 talked about a common solution. Um, they expected us to all be, um, we're going to carry the message in a different way. Uh, but the basics of what we're carrying, the steps and how we work, those steps should look the same, should be the same, but if you travel a bunch, you'll be surprised at how, um, how varied that is. Um, how many of y'all ever went to, um, treatment and you had a well-intended, a well-intentioned therapist go, if you don't have 600 names on your inventory, you didn't do a thorough job. I mean, we, we will hear that stuff all the time. Like I said, listen, I don't even know 600 people personally. I mean, maybe I do, but I mean, it's just like, I can't be, uh, I can't, I love the idea of being thorough, but if you're like me, if you're wired the same way that I am, the word thorough. Uh, I can't do that. I can't do that. My mind can be, uh, misconstrued as impossible. I just, I will just build this story that I just can't do it. I just can't do it like this. Um, Oh, over the years, I would much rather, uh, be in a, in a fifth step situation with a guy who has 10. Hard and fast, uh, uh, resentments, um, that he's dealing with, um, than a guy that wants to take two years to write. Um, um. that's confusing to everybody that's involved like that listen about a year ago I met this guy who had contacted me and he said he was struggling he was trying to get back in the inventory and I asked him tell me what your previous experience has been and he said well I'm three years into it and I haven't finished it and I said three years and he said yeah and I said what did your sponsor say and he said oh my sponsors encouraged it my sponsor said and I said tell me what your format is what are you doing and he said well he told me to write down everything I could remember from childhood wait a minute I don't understand you mean write everything you remember like you had breakfast with your family remember that yeah and he said I've got 11 notebooks full of notes of remember of remembering this stuff and I said what listen maybe we could try something different because I I think that probably we're running into a little problem here like that I the the literature that we read never says anything about that stuff um this isn't this is this is crazy so so depending on where you are um it it may look a little bit different but this is the reason why I love the idea of book studies because if you study through the book like this what you would do is you would read it and you would go oh oh okay we got to do this and we got to do this and there's a third column and there's a fourth column and then we're going to look this and that's what the sex column looks like that's what the fear column looks like and we we could deal with it that way um there's just a lot of difference like that I talked to one of the sweetest ladies I've ever talked to was at a conference some years ago and um she was sitting in the middle of this room and there were there must have been 30 uh gals sitting around her and this gal was about my age and uh I later found out during the conference that she was the kind of matriarchal she sponsored everybody and I said what are the other girls who's sponsoring I mean I don't understand and they said well every all a lot of the girls have made a decision that they this girl does a great job and this lady she's going to do it so they're going to let her sponsor everybody and so we do all of our inventories with her and all that stuff and I said no kidding later under the conversation we had done four step stuff and and this lady walked up and she said um I may have a problem this is the older lady she said I may have a problem I said what she said I've been doing inventories for a long time but I never did it like this and I said what do you usually do and she said well I invite them to come over to my house on Friday and they bring their sleeping bags and we have a big sleepover and we swap stories and we talk and we light candles and we you know we tell watch tv and we just spend the whole weekend together and on Sunday they all go home and that's it and I said well limit k it sounds fun it's sounds like a great weekend um um I'm just not sure where it lines up with the text and she said I know that's my problem that's what I'm trying to tell you and so we started laughing and she said I'm going to see if we can do this a little bit differently and say look in the very first of that if you've got your book open on 64 there's just a little of this I want to read and then we're going to talk about some of this stuff they um um it says um therefore we started on a personal business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and fact-facing process okay so let's narrow this down right here uh to where it is if you've ever worked in retail of any kind then you know what an inventory looks like you you know I mean it's yeah I got to count them I got to look at them come on if you work in a clothing store and you've got a a bunch of Nehru jackets handing on some hangers like that how many Nehru jackets do you think you're going to sell a lot of y'all don't even know what a Nehru jacket is mercifully it only lasted a year uh uh but but it's like you got a bunch of batteries and they don't they don't work they're bad like that you can't sell them like that so you have to go uh come on what what's saleable what what do I have that I'm dealing with honestly this is why we have to know this stuff but listen it it's like it's like the the this is where it gets goofy guys this is where there's so many opinions and so many ideas about about what this inventory looks like like that the the illustration that I like using sometimes is like if I'm doing if I'm working in a grocery store and we're doing an inventory on a bunch of stuff and I look at a bunch of milk if I've got a bunch of bad milk in there can I sell it no is it is it my benefit does it help me to get rid of the the bad milk yeah nobody wants to buy bad milk like that listen do I need to know why the milk is bad maybe not maybe not it it's like and so so so stick with me this is the way these inventories sound like and y'all have all either experienced it listening to them in sponsorship land or you've experienced it yourself as you begin to share it like that you would go it would go um okay so so the Myers and and the cooler was full of bad milk and and he said you know it's funny maybe it was because the cooler wasn't cooling right I don't really know or maybe I don't know usually we got milk delivery on Wednesday but this time we got milk delivery on the preceding the Friday before that and it was just like and I'm sitting here looking at him going whoa whoa whoa stop stop this this is an inventory was the milk bad yes okay so this is the way the inventory sounds Hoss milk bad next I I don't need to know all the details like that let me tell you the greatest um piece of of insight that I ever picked up during inventory and I and I got it at the help of some other people that helped me see it at the same time most of us will tell a story and then we want to retell the story and we'll minimize it or maximize it depending on how we want the story to read but have you ever have you ever seen people do this like I mean they'll do it in in life all the time have you ever watched how they'll they'll tell the story and then they'll they'll retell it again and by the third telling of the story they've intentionally left the story and then they'll retell it again and then they'll retell it something out of the story or they've intentionally added something into the story so that they can make it um kind of fit their own narrative well the problem with that is obvious uh that you'll spend a ton of time um I got Garland Police Department is on this inventory that I was listening to the other day the Garland Police Department okay great and this guy goes yeah you know I uh I said I said he said it was a speeding ticket and I said you know he said I had this fight with my girlfriend and I was going you know I had this fight with my girlfriend I got really aggravated and I drove away from her house and I was driving I'm whoa stop wait a minute I don't need to know why you were speeding what I need to know is were you speeding yes next we just need to see the clarity of what it was that you did um this is this is what it's about guys given enough time and if you'll allow me I can justify the most egregious things that would come up on an inventory. could come up with a whole bunch of stuff and then i'm going to just do it how many of you how many i'm going to speak just to the guys how many of you guys have ever um had a relationship with somebody and that you built built a resentment over and every time you told it in your head you made it worse and worse and worse um until you painted her like she was just some kind of animal and you were just delighted that you could get away from her but when you look at it in real life without all the justifying and rationalization without all that stuff in there what you realized was is that um you played a role in the nightmare that was that relationship were you kind no were you honest no were you selfish did you insist that she that she do what you wanted to do and and part of the problem was that she decided she didn't want to do that anymore yeah y'all understand what i'm saying we give it enough time i'll justify anything and this is the reason why when i'm doing inventory with men i sponsor i don't give them that kind of time i i don't i don't i don't need to know this is the reason why people a lot of times don't want to sponsor because so when somebody walks up like the uh bob is on my uh screen well bob walks up and says hey myers will you help me like this the very first thing i think of is oh well there's a part of me i'm not saying this out loud this is running through my squirrel cage of a head my head's going bob looks like a nice guy but it but if i say yes i got eight hours worth of inventory that i got to listen to with this guy and i don't want to do that and so what a lot of us will do is we'll go bye bye i love you brother but right now i'm just so spread out like that i probably let me see if i can find somebody else to help you see what i'm saying i've done inventories both ways folks i've done inventories where they went six and seven hours and i've done inventories that went two hours 99 of all of the inventories that i do and i've done hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them 99 of them don't last more than an hour and a half two hours at the top end and and i'm okay with that i mean we're we're golden what i found was is that if you'll just observe if you'll just pay attention to what's going on in the inventories what happens is is that most of that time is eaten up with people trying to justify their bad behavior and i if you just set the rule we're not we don't need to do that there are times when you need to know the details i get that completely like that but there's sometimes like that when you become really obvious wait a minute you're doing it again stop you're trying to justify this stuff and it's not necessary we're looking at we're when we get over there on a fourth column we're going to look at that stuff specifically and look at the role that you played uh in this um this this nightmare and you you will you will see pardon me you'll see that it's a um it's a much more manageable thing um clarity is what we're after clear clarity is what we after and if you if you sense that they're spending a lot of time talking about things to try to justify just move on uh next next next just keep the thing the thing about that i love about uh my the difference in in inventories that i do today compared to my old inventories was that today i set the tone and i set the speed that we're going through that thing like this and so i'm going next okay who else next next next and so in my inventories we set in i pray us into the deal i love having god in the middle of it i hate just two men slugging it out you know in an inventory i want god in the middle of it so i invite god in we set down we do the inventory an hour and 45 minutes later we're done and i'm making notes uh the whole time that he's doing it uh so that i can help him see what the lowdown is guys let me tell you something you would you would think i'm absolutely lying you'd think i'm making the whole thing up if i told you that i'm making the whole thing up i'm making the whole thing up if i told you how many times i've talked to people that i have sponsored online and in other places and i've asked them so i got a picture of where you are in your inventory tell me what your fourth column is like and and that's what i'll get a lot of times i'll just get this somebody will look back at me and go uh fourth fourth column yeah fourth column well i don't remember doing it fourth column interesting interesting so how guys if we don't have a fourth column how do we tell where we are how do we that's this whole thing is moving towards a fourth column because that's where your truth is that's where the stage character shows up that's where the the the inauthenticity shows up where we where we're looking at this stuff going oh my gosh am i really like that yeah that's what this whole thing is about my job is not to make you feel like you're better my job is to help you see the truth and then you won't feel better and then you'll be motivated to go ahead and finish the rest of the stuff that that is a lot more in line with the bigger the bigger picture listen don't get me wrong it there is a confessional quality to inventories right i mean well there is a confessional quality like that how many of y'all have set meetings with somebody that was sharing their their story about their inventory and they said when i got ready to do my fist step i just uh found a taxi taxi cab driver and read it to him well unless the taxi cab driver happens to be a sober member of alcoholics anonymous i don't know where you're going to get much hope for that uh there i i've sponsored a lot of catholic dudes uh and they wanted to also do uh inventory with a priest walk on that's why we have it down on a piece of paper in black and white you go you can go read it to a priest i i've sponsored some priests i have a great friend of mine who's a Catholic and he's a Catholic and he's a Catholic and he's a Catholic friend of mine that's on here today uh at least i think he is that i can turn you on to if you just need somebody to read a a uh an inventory to but without somebody that um will help you see the role that you played the mistakes is what they call it the mistakes that you made um your inventory is going to be fairly ineffectual um the bottom line is and the part that's always very uh disheartening to me it kind of breaks my heart to see it is is that if you don't approach the inventory in the right way you'll paint a picture that will keep you a victim and guys listen we'll we'll chris does some great conversation about that stuff victimhood is is a horrible deal i'm not making light of anything that happened to you ever um i mean some of us have been through great trauma great drama uh molestation uh uh rapes all kinds of abuse uh physically and mentally uh emotionally uh but the problem with this stuff is guys is that is that if we're not careful if we don't see this for what bill intended for it to be we can find ourselves just sort of of telling the story over and over again and and rekindling the thing and so we get over from we start at point a and we end up at point b but we're we've still painted ourself as the victim and we've still painted ourselves as the victim and guys let me tell you something if you want to stay a victim rock on but i've watched hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people that were victimized horrendously get clear of this so they can live full and rich lives um people who've been victimized get sober all the time but they at some point in time they get to get past it they get to unburden and unshoulder um i had a comment at a at a workshop about uh something it was just i was just being funny and he took it the wrong way and uh got real upset and we i talked to him a little bit later and apologized and then talked to him did it from the podium and apologized and the next day he um accosted me again for what i had said um and um i finally just pushed back a little bit and said tell me when this happened he had been molested as a kid he was 86 years old he had been molested when he was six years old so for almost almost 80 years he'd been carrying this burden but he had no intention of letting it go did this little kid have anything to do with it no no he didn't like that but he spent 80 years of his life um um carrying the burden that he didn't have to carry we're i'm not making light of it guys i'm not and i'm telling you i've seen people i've known people that were richly abused i've known people that were satanically abused i've known some horrific horrific situations if you're ever caught in that situation and you need some help let me know just email me and i'll connect you with some of these folks that i know that have been through some of this stuff and get get clear of it like that um pretty pretty amazing stuff i don't i don't want to go if that's what i want my life to be like i i just one of the cool things about this program is it allows me to um um it allows me to get past all of that stuff down at the bottom of that page like this um they talk about self manifesting in various ways it's what had defeated us there it is again they're bringing this selfishness thing back in the middle of it like this um we listed people institutions or principles with whom we were angry we asked ourselves why we were angry and in most cases it was found that our self-esteem our pocketbooks our ambitions our personal relationships including sex were hurt or threatened um and this is the stuff that we're trying to get out uh bill gives us a great example of three columns there and then and then on the on the other column on the on page 67 um um i mean on page 66 they ask us at the bottom of this stuff like that we turn back to the list or it held the key to our future and then in this state the wrongdoings of others fancy to real have the power to actually kill um guys i'm telling you right now with with previous relationships with like women with like like gals um it was much easier for me to claim it as being um, um, just, just horrible people. And that I was the victim in the relationship. It's listen, it's much easier to be the victim than it is to look at it and go in that relationship. Was I always honest with her? No. Could I be a bit of a jerk? Oh yeah. Times 10. Yeah. You see? So could it be, there's also a little piece of there where it talks about, um, um, to conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us got. Um, the usual outcome was that people continue to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse. And then we were sore at ourselves. I've listened, I've talked to hundreds of people on, on, um, uh, chats and talks and things like this that we've done that have emailed me that said that we are never, ever, ever supposed to put our name on our image board. That's just one more area of selfishness, Myers. Don't put your name on there. Let me tell you, let me, I want to run at this from a different perspective. Based on what we just read, I think the smartest thing you can do is to put your name on there. I do. The smartest thing you can do is to, uh, uh, understand that sometimes, uh, guilt and remorse plays a major, major role. And this, we are, we are the hardest on ourself. Um, the stuff Chris was talking about, uh, this morning, um, if you were as hard on other people as you are yourself, you would be shocked, uh, when you looked at the, at the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the way that that looks. Um, we're, we're, we're horrible with ourselves like that. Put your name on there and deal with the guilt and remorse. What I found out was guys, there were some of these old relationships that these girls were not, um, horrible people. These, these, some of these girls were great girls. Uh, they were, they were fine people like that. Um, but, uh, I was a jerk. Um, and there's guilt and remorse around that. There's guilt tied up in that. Because of the way that I treated people. That's all we're trying to do is just see what the truth is. If I got the truth, I can deal with it in the fifth, sixth, and seventh step on this thing. If I have the truth, what I want to get done with is the stage character. I want to get done with this man that looks in the mirror and goes, it's okay, brother. It's okay. You're fine. You didn't drink today. So you're a winner. I want to get rid of that guy. Uh, and I want to understand, could I be an absolute Satan incarnate? No. Well, I want to see the bigger picture of, of what's going on. Cause I'm telling you guys there, there are a lot of times when I just don't see that. I remember for years having this kind of run and gun battle with my mom. Um, and, and I had in my head painted her that she was some kind of just, just, I don't know, just, I, we just didn't dig each other. And it was like, I kept painting it that way and painting it that way. And then I would call, I'd be completely caught off guard when people would say, Oh, Myers, you're the luckiest guy in the world to have your, your mom is the funniest, kindest woman I've ever met in my whole life. I mean, you must've been really great growing up with her. And finally one day I went, wait a minute. What could I be that wrong? Yeah. How many of y'all have been that wrong about relationship stuff before you see it a particular way? Come on, man. Look, I want June Cleaver. Remember, you remember leave it to Beaver. I want June Cleaver. I want June Cleaver. I want June Cleaver. I want June Cleaver. With high heel shoes and pearls on walking around cooking dinner. That's what I want with my mom. And what I ended up with was a lady who was an unbelievable off the chain artist, amazingly talented. She lived in a, in a sphere that I couldn't even understand sometimes really, really smart. Um, um, she was just, y'all understand she wasn't what I had in mind, but, but this, these years of judging her, because she wasn't June Cleaver. Really? I mean, come on. And that's what this inventory was about was trying to get some clarity around who she, who she is and the mistakes that I made, um, in that stuff. Guys, there's a great deal of freedom in knowing that once I got clear on this kind of stuff, she and I could, could visit and talk and we got to be tight and thick as thieves. And so for the last years of her life, um, we were always joking and laughing and she truly was a magnificent gal. She truly was. And I think that's, I think that's, I think that's, I think that's true. It was amazing. Um, shit. I only spent two decades not seeing it. Could I be that stupid? Yes. Could I be that blind? Yes. Yes. This is the reason why when folks play games with inventory and they kind of deflect it and divert it and they kind of, um, um, trivialize it as if it's optional, I'm going, y'all are missing it. Y'all, y'all are, y'all are missing it. Because if you think you're seeing reality, you're, you're, you're missing it. You're missing it. You're, you're you're crazy. I mean, you're, you're, you're just not seeing it. Uh, because the only way you're going to see the reality is to look at each one of them closely. Um, and then see not the way you told the story, uh, but how the reality actually played out. Um, and you'll, you'll, you'll see that at the top of page 67. Um, uh, the bottom, I'm sorry, bottom of 66, this was our course. We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. I'm not letting them off the hook. The people that molest other people, the people that did all the damage, the people, I'm not letting them off the hook. A jerk is a jerk. A bad guy is a bad guy. I'm not letting them off. What I'm trying to do is to get past that so that, because there's more story, there's more past that, that we need to look at. Though we did not like their symptoms, column two, and the way these disturbed us, column three, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, patience, we would cheerfully grant us a friend. When this person offended, we said to ourselves, this is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God saved me from being angry. I will be done. That little sick man prayer, I used to laugh my butt off, and I'm going, wait a minute, that, that, that guy that was treated me so badly, I'm supposed to pray that sick man prayer for him? That'll be the day. He can kiss my fuzzy Texas ass, because I'm not going to do any of that stuff. And the, and the reality of it is, is that Myers, you're an idiot. You want to carry that forever, and every time this guy's name comes up, you go, and get all grindy again? In case you haven't checked it out by now, that's not freedom. That's bondage. And if you want to live life in bondage, live it. Live it. But if you're tired of that, then pray for the rest of them. Pray for the rest of them. He's just a sick guy. He's just, he's just sick. Some of these guys are doing the very best that they can with what they came to do. They're just sick. They're just sick. They're just sick. They're just sick. They're just sick. They're just sick. They're just sick. And a lot of these folks have no spiritual program of action like we have, and so they're destined to start the journey a jerk, and end the journey a jerk, which is a horrible way to live your life. And we don't have to do that. That's why I get so excited about this stuff when people go, okay, I'm serious. I'm really going to do this. And I'm going, you have no clue what you're getting ready to do, because what you're getting ready to do is kick a door open to a life you never, ever dreamed you could live. This is why this stuff is so very important, like that. You just have to make the decision to actually go, go do anything. We avoid retaliation or argument. I'm back over on 67 now. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. And then this is the part that we always need to remember. I got to hurry on through this thing a little bit like this. Referring to our list again, putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done. We resolutely look for our own mistakes. It didn't say, part, please, if that's part of your vocabulary, make a check and rethink that. Guys, if I play a part, I have implied that you had a part to play. That's my part. See, it implies it. But the other guy may not have a part to play. So we have to be careful. Bill understood that when they wrote this stuff, that they're referring to our list again, putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done. We resolutely look for our own mistakes. You see, where had I been selfish, kind of self-seeking, prideful, prideful, where, I mean, you can fill in these things and list this stuff. But let me just tell you, talk about listing it on paper in black and white. Let me be sure you're clear. This fourth column is the key that unlocks all the freedom that you're going to have. You'll stop being guilty. You'll stop being fretful. You'll stop being judgmental. You'll stop being a whole lot of these things once you begin to see that in the middle of an addiction, I can be a fairly horrendous person. Maybe not, but maybe so. In sobriety, I can also be full of crap. I can also be very, very delusional about who I really am. That's the reason why this stuff is in. So a lot of times in these inventories, I'll have people that will come up on my inventory list that I harmed when I was in the middle of an addiction, but I also harmed people where I was sober. And those are even more painful sometimes to look at. And I think because I have no booze or dope to blame it on. I can't blame it on anybody. I've got to just go ahead and look at this thing. So I'm going to look at this and see where was I selfish and self-centered? On every one of them, guys, I'm just going to kind of cut to the chase. On every one of these names, I have 20 names. On 19 of them, I'm going to be able to see selfishness and self-centeredness is the deal. I asked Clifford one time, I was going, sometimes I just and he said, Myers, it's really simple if you'll rephrase it as a question. And I go, okay, I'm still not following you. He says, ask yourself this question. The person that we're talking about here, that's the reason that you're going to have the resentment against. If this person did everything I wanted him to do, the way I wanted him to do it, would I be resentful? Well, the answer is of course not. If he did it the way I wanted him to do it, I wouldn't have a problem at all. Check, that's selfish and self-centeredness. You're trying to assign a role that they're not playing. And there's where we get into trouble. So it's one of those kinds of things where we got to pay attention to it and see kind of what's going on. So selfishness will play on a bunch of them. Dishonesty, ask yourself these questions like this. In these relationships, I hate my dad. In my relationship with my dad, were you always honest with him? Well, no, of course not. Okay. Selfishness is on there. Dishonesty is on there. And you see what I'm saying? We'll just go through the list on this. And you begin to see that in every relationship, I play a role. I play a part. And I'm just trying to see what that was. Sometimes the people retaliate and we only want to pick up what they retaliated on. And it's just kind of crazy. Let me tell you one real quick before I get off the subject that really caught me off guard. Was pride. Somebody said one time, he said, Myers, are you prideful? And I went, nope. And he goes, really? And I went, no, I'm not prideful. I'm thinking pride means do I stand in front of a mirror? And I'm hot. I'm special. So I'm going, no, I don't do that. All you got to do is see how crooked my beard is sometimes. I don't look in the mirror that much. And so he's going, no, no, no, no, Myers. You got the wrong definition of pride. I'm not prideful. I'm not prideful. I'm pride. Pride means how other people see us. And I went, oh, go to hell. I don't want to even think about that. And he said, see, you do, don't you? And I went, yeah, I do. And he said, so you make decisions based on how you want other people to see you. All the time. All the time. I make decisions on how I want to be perceived. Guys, let me tell you something. One of the truest things I ever found out about Recovery Land is that oftentimes we'll make the decision, it's the easiest when we should have made the decision that's the hardest. It's easier to move towards what's easy than it is to move towards what's right. And this is the reason why some of us get muddled with the decisions of whether or not we do something. If I'm sponsoring a guy, and let's say I'm sponsoring Bob again, and let's say I'm sponsoring him and he's in a meeting, and every time I look up, Bob's over there hitting on Ginger. Every time I look up, he's over there. Ginger's sneezing right now. So she's going, I don't even want to listen to what he's saying. So Bob's over there kind of leaning on Ginger. And I'm going, so I stand at this place where I go, what's right is to go over and pull Bob aside and say, Bob, we don't need another predator in AA. And Ginger's got a lot on her plate right now. She's brand new. Let's let her get healthy. Leave her be. Or I can take the easier route, which a lot of men do, and do what's easy. What's easy is I'll look the other way. I'll look the other way. I'll look the other way. And I'll just ignore the fact that Bob's being a problem. Y'all understand? Pride is a tough one to see sometimes. But once you see it, you'll go, golly, it's everywhere. Every time I turn around, I'm saying something because I want somebody to think I'm a particular way like that. And that's prideful. But it'll make you, it'll create a lot of drama in your life if you don't set it right. Fear gets in there. The sex gets in there. It's one of those kind of things. We don't talk a lot about it like that. It's, they're pretty easy. The resentment inventory is more complicated. The fear inventory is one paragraph. The sex inventory is one paragraph. They're asking you a series of questions. Let me switch hats into, to a sponsorship deal. Guys, I don't care how you do your inventory, whether you do it on worksheets. There's a guy named Rick B. in Minnesota that did some sheets at aabythebook.org. I can send you the link. I think those sheets are still on there where they, they put them on there and they don't add a bunch of stuff. They just, they're just the steps. So you can keep it organized. aabythebook.org or you can old school it in a notebook. You could do whatever you want to do like that. My deal is, is that you're going to do it. We do a third step prayer. Bob and I were on our knees. We did a third step prayer and I got up off my knees and I said, Bob, meet Mr. Notebook. And I hand him the notebook or I hand him the worksheets or whatever the deal is. And I'm going, let's get busy. I said, Bob, you got your schedule with you, your, your date book. And he picks up his iPad and you look at it and he goes, yeah. And I said, okay, uh, 10 days, you got 10 days to do this inventory. And Bob's eyes get about this big and he said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought I had like six months to do this inventory. I said, nope, nope, not with me. 10 days. Guys, let me be perfectly clear. I know some of you don't agree with that. Um, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but let me tell you the nature of this. If I give Bob six months to do his inventory or a year to do his inventory, when do you think Bob is going to start his inventory? I'm telling you from experience like that, Bob is going to not do anything. He won't do Jack for months and months and months. And we'll get up to the day before or the morning of when we're supposed to do that inventory. And he'll be writing like a bear down there. He'd be just, his fingers will be bloody. He's just writing so much stuff like that because he just given enough reason. And another, another dilemma on this is, is that if I let him have enough time to think about this stuff, knowing that he's going to have to do it, he'll start out with a list that has 20 names on it. And let me give him six months and he'll go, I don't know that guy, anything. I don't know that guy, anything. That guy was nothing that I'm making a big thing out of that one. This was really nothing. And then in the end, he'll get it worked down to where he has very little to talk about because he's going to judge. Justify it in his head. 10 days is like perfect. It's like if you've got a travel problem and it needs to stretch out a little bit, I'm okay with that. Um, but, but go ahead and just get it. If we need to do another one later, we'll do it. It's fine. It's fine. Um, but I have found, I've done them both ways and I can tell you right now, I I've seen, um, a world of difference between your ability to actually address that inventory, um, like a big boy and do it, um, then to wait. A long time. How many of y'all have sat in AA meetings where people go six months into the deal? I'm working on my fourth step. And then a year later, well, I'm still working on my fourth step. It's just, ah, come on. What part of next? We launched out on a course of vigorous action. Do we not understand as a fellowship? What part? Come on, let's, let's get, let's get busy. You will find, um, that your, that sponsorship takes on a much funner deal. We get through all this, uh, the sex stuff has nothing to do with sex. Really. It has to do with how we treat the opposite sex. Um, I I'm perfectly clear on this. And I've come to a place where I believe that if you had an inventory that was done the right way, um, uh, uh, a girl could look at it. Um, it's, this isn't about sex. This isn't about a list of your conquests. It's how we treat the opposite sex. Do we treat women with, with, with dignity? Uh, or do we treat them like they're disposable? Guys, and I've watched a lot of men get sober over here and their sex life is still a crap hole. Um, um, I've sponsored lots of gay men and still have a lot of stuff going on over here in sex land like this. And at some point in time, you have to address some of this stuff. We're just going to have to see it and see, they ask you a series of questions. Um, and we get to answer those for each one. It takes no time at all, really. And then we're done bottom of page 75, top of page 76. Um, um, they ask you a series of questions. Um, and we get to answer those for each one. Um, and then we're asked us once we share this stuff, um, returning home, we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour. Um, this is, this is so important. And I found that it's one of those areas that so many people, uh, um, disregard. They don't circle back and look at this thing. Uh, I think Bill and, and the first 100 were, were quite wise, um, when they put this stuff in here. Um, carefully reviewing what we've done. Now we're by ourself now. Bob's, Bob and I have done our inventory. Bob's gone home and now he's going to find some time pretty quick. Don't, don't put this off pretty quick. Find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, not 10 minutes, not an hour. Um, carefully reviewing what we've done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better. Taking this book down from our shelf, we turn to the page, which contains the 12 steps, page 59 and 60. Carefully reading the first five proposals. We've asked if we've omitted anything for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Guys, this is huge, huge stuff. Look at the questions that they ask because, because being, being thorough is what this is all about. Being thorough. Guys, there's a world of difference between omitting something and forgetting something. I've done lots of inventories where a guy will call me later and said, Hey Myers, you know, I, I forgot. Tell you something. And they'll tell me what it is. And then they can go do their deal. That's fine. If you're intentionally omitting something, there's that spark of dishonesty that later comes back and will bite you in ways that you've never dreamed that you could be bitten. Dishonesty is not, not a good thing with, with little drunks and dope fiends like that. Look at the questions that they ask. Is our work solid so far? Look at how many metaphors Bill uses, building metaphors about construction that he uses. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? The stones are step two on page 47 and step three on page 62, where they talk about the cornerstone and the keystone that they're talking about. These are key elements in a building structure that holds everything together. If your keystone's messed up, or if your foundation stone is messed up, you will, you will have a problem. That's what Bill and those guys understood. That's what they were trying to get us to understand like this. So what he's asking us in these, in those three questions, or we'll go ahead and talk about it in, in its whole, having skimped on the cement, but in the foundation, have we skimped? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? What, what Bill is trying to get us to understand is that it is, it is detrimental to your recovery if you recognize that you have not done what you should do. And then you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you want to move on. If you leave a piece of this out of the equation, it'll fall apart downrange. Let me give you an example real quick like that. Guys, what if you're, what if you're ambivalent about your, um, your own addiction? What if you're ambivalent about whether or not you're an alcoholic or not? It's going to fall apart on down, down low. You'll find a reason or an excuse not to make amends, not to work with people, not to do any of this other kind of stuff. You need to, the, the, the greatest motivator that you have that men and women in this fellowship have, the greatest single motivator is the pain of a progressive disease that's going to kill us or get us locked up. And if we're 100% convinced, no lurking notion, that's a great motivation to go through the rest of it. But I'm blown away by how many people I talk to that get into the inventory part and then start pushing away. Um, and a lot of times if you've got somebody, if you're sponsoring right now and they're pushing away from the idea of the inventory, there's two possibilities. One is they don't know how to do it. That's on us. We got to show them. And the other one is they don't think it's important. That's on them. That that's that's on them. I can't make you willing to do anything that we do. And so we have to look at these thing and see. so we we we had a we we we had a two experience where we've become willing to move towards our creator even though we don't understand fully understand any of that stuff we've made this decision in step three so two and three are kind of locked at the at the at the hip uh as we go through there and bill is asking us to review this and to look at this stuff am i truthfully on a cellular level do i understand that i need to understand that my life from now on depends on my relationship with the creator these are the big ticket questions that that they're asking that are so important for us to to get um and then if we do then we get to turn the page um and what i asked what asked bob to do i said bob spend some time reviewing this stuff sit quietly for a little bit and then read this sixth step and then do this seventh step prayer which is kind of joined at the hip with this third step prayer um look at what it says at the top of page 76 if we answer to our satisfaction we then look if we can answer to our satisfaction we then look at step six we have emphasized willingness as being indispensable are we now ready to let god remove from us all things which we have omitted or objectionable now that could be booze and dope but it could also be some other stuff too can he now take them all every one and then in they build in their infinite wisdom they understood um if we still cling to something we will not let go we ask god to help us be willing there's there is absolute magic in that little paragraph for some of you i think it's kind of humorous go back and look at the 12 and 12s uh description of of step six and step seven step six used they have seven pages to describe the life of god and the life of man and the life of what bill wilson did in one page uh in one paragraph and the the seventh step thing is the same thing they use seven pages to describe what what they did in one paragraph i'm not knocking any of it it was good stuff in in the 12 and 12 but but i love the simplicity and the clarity because bill and those guys the first 100 recognized um that there are going to be things that i might not be willing to give up what if i have a what if i have an affair with a lady i'm married and i have this other thing and i'm not willing to give up and i'm not willing to give up affair, but I'm not willing to give her up. What if I have a sexual lifestyle out there and I'm doing a bunch of crazy stuff and I'm not willing to give that up? What if I, I don't know, it could be anything. What if I have a co-occurring gambling addiction and I'm not willing to give it up? I mean, you can fill in the blank. It doesn't make any difference. What I find fascinating is that Bill and those guys gave us a way out on the thing. If we cling to something, we will not let go. We ask God to help us be willing. That's an easy prayer. That's a, that's a way easy prayer. I could just pray, pray that prayer and, and, and get on with it. And it's one of the coolest things. This thing, guys, how many of y'all remember doing an inventory and you started the inventory thinking that the only thing really objectionable in my life is booze and maybe a couple outside issues? Me, that's, I'm kind of a poster boy of that way of thinking like this. And then I do inventory. inventory, and I go, wait a minute. I'm looking at this fourth column, which my sponsor's helping me look at like this, and I'm recognizing that in the drama that is my life, I'm also selfish and self-centered. I'm also dishonest. I'm very fearful. I've made jillions of decisions based on fear. I'm prideful to a fault. I mean, I'm an idiot around pride like that. I've already admitted that. Like that. You see, these are the things that we're looking at like that. Am I willing to let God remove those things from my life? Yes. Yes. If I want to change life, I need to be able to do that. I need to be able to do that. I've known hundreds of guys, hundreds of men over the years who got clear of the booze and then in short order drifted off into something else. The stuff Chris was talking about earlier drifted off into some porn. Or some weird stuff, and it's like I'm trying to live this spiritual life, this new life over here on this side, and then over here, I can't stop looking at weasel porn and weird crap online. I just like, I don't even know if there is weasel porn. Don't go there. I'm just making it up, okay? But y'all understand what I'm saying. It's just like, could the weasel porn be destructive? Yeah. Yeah. Listen. On par, I've seen more families destroyed around sex stuff, pornography and that kind of stuff, than booze and dope. Isn't that weird? I did an actual count one time trying to figure it all out like this, and I was shocked at how many men over the years I've sponsored who got free and clear of the booze and stuff and then moved over and got tied up in a bunch of crazy stuff. And so it's just like, we get to make the decision. Is it objectionable? No. Meyers, fine. Then leave it be. God's not going to remove what you don't see. Come on, man. The old Meyers always wanted to do. This is what my prayer sounded like to God. Hey, God, I just want you to make me a better man. And I'm in my head today. I picture God standing there kind of going, what the hell? What is that? What does that mean, Meyers? Wouldn't it be cooler if I could go and I could go, hey, God, thank you for the opportunity I just had to look at some inventory and to see all of these things that I didn't see before, that I could see all of this stuff. And I painted a picture. It's not too lovable. God, I'd like you to remove from me all of these things, including the weasel porn that you could have, God, please. There it is. Now, you see what I'm saying? I've identified it. I've asked God to remove these things. And then, God, we slide into this really cool prayer, which I absolutely, it's sort of magic when you read some of this stuff and you go, wait a minute, a year or so ago, these crazy train rats of folks, men and women together that were all out there acting all kinds of crazy stuff, wrote some of the finest spiritual stuff ever. And it's represented right here. How did that happen without the hand of our creator in the middle of this stuff? Read the prayer real quick. When we're ready, we say something like this. My creator, I'm now willing. You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character, which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen. Then we've completed step seven. Notice the little piece up there, good and bad. Guys, I'm telling you, there may be some things up there that God still wants in your life because there's some wisdom, there's some reason why it's beneficial. I'll give you a quick analogy. It only takes two minutes, and that's exactly what I got. In this talk, the evil twin, Chris, if you go back and look at talks that Chris did 20 years ago, every other word was a cuss word, and he did it for a long time, and it was just this crazy. They were some fine talks. The funny part about it was that at some point in time, it became objectionable. And he said, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this anymore. Chris goes through this stuff, stops, and I haven't heard him say a cuss word in a talk in 15 years. I haven't heard any stuff. He stopped like that. The question became, I wonder how God used him with a mouth like that. Well, come to find out, over the years, I've talked to not one, not ten, but hundreds of people that had texted me, that we've talked over the years. I've met them in Europe, and they would go, Myers, I've got to tell you, if your brother had not approached this whole thing with the ferocity that he did and with the language that he did, I never, ever would have listened to it. I never would have listened to it. I am sober today. I am alive today because of your brother slinging the F-bombs every other word. Go figure. Go figure. Go figure. Go figure. Go figure. Go figure. Go figure. Go figure. That's what he's doing. He certainly understands it. I'm not saying go out there and cuss everybody to death. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying God will choose when and what he's going to remove from your life. Your key, your piece, is to always remain willing. Willingness is key to everything that we do. That's a good place to stop. I'm all talked out, guys. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.