Steps 10 and 11 – Sandy B. – State Line Retreat – Primm, NV – 2008

About This Speaker Tape

Sandy, sober for two decades, recounts a life derailed by the Marine C., culminating in a period of intense medical scrutiny where alcoholism was not even a recognized diagnosis. His narrative pivots from the chaos of blackouts during combat missions to the profound, almost theatrical, struggle for self-definition. He speaks of the 'Queen M.' analogy for changing one's mind about a Higher Power, and the ultimate goal of AA: not just sobriety, but becoming 'useful' by letting go of the ego's need to be the center of the story.

The journey is framed as a shift from self-will to service.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and general appreciation for the convention atmosphere.
• 0:58 Speaker mentions being sober for 20 years and the difficulty of the road.
• 2:11 Speaker begins recounting his early life, detailing his time in the nut ward of Bethesda Naval Hospital.
• 4:06 Detailed story about flying during withdrawal, highlighting the lack of training for such a crisis.
• 13:14 Speaker discusses the difficulty of admitting the need for a Higher Power, using the 'Queen Mary' analogy.
• 23:35 Discussion of the Big Book, specifically quoting the sentence: 'The purpose of this book is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself.'
• 33:19 The speaker discusses the 'Higher Power dilemma'—the pull between the spiritual and material worlds.
• 43:14 The speaker describes the final, powerful moment of connection, recalling the 20 minutes flying the T-20 trainer plane.