Steps 10 and 11 – BB Workshop – Part 10 of 14 – Bill L.

All right, we're going to get started if we can, since it's 8.30. We're on page 85. Mike covered 10 last week and I guess I'll cover 11 this week. I'd like to begin by asking my higher power to put the words in my mouth that would lower my heart and help me speak the truth and I guess I just wanted to touch upon one thing with Tim it's interesting how none of this is original and I've already given credit three times so now it's officially mine but you have the sort of left page of step 10 on page 84 where it talks about basically steps 4 through 9 on a moment by moment basis as soon as we're disturbed as soon our peace of mind is disturbed as we go through the day and then we have the page 85 part of step 10 which is a little bit below the middle of the page, it says every day is a day when I must carry the vision of God's will into all of my activities, how can I best serve thee that I will not mind be done These are thoughts which must go with me constantly. For me, if I'm living that part of step 10, the right page of those couple sentences there, then on the left page when I look for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear, I'm not going to find any. So although this 4 through 9 part of Step 10 is very important when we fall short. The right side of step 10 is, for me, more important because if I'm living those few sentences constantly as I go through all of my activities then, again, when I look for the 4-9 part of step 10, I'm not going to find anything. So for me the right side is more important than the left side but when we falls short we have that 4-8 on a quick basis to get us back on the beam. So I just wanted to start there because, you know, like Mike said last week, this right side of step 10 is one of the most incredible parts of the book to meditate on and to try to carry out in all of our affairs. And again, when we fall short on that ideal, then we've got the fourth of nine to pick up on it. Step 11 starts on the bottom of page 85. Step 11 suggests prayer and meditation. Meditation. Meditation, I shouldn't be shy in this matter of prayer. Better men or women than I are using it constantly, it works if one, I have the proper attitude and two, work at it. So there's a little bit of a formula there. I have to have the right attitude and I have got to have a proper attitude. I'd like to suggest the proper gratitude is instead of being self-centered we need to be God or love-centered and then work at it. So there's a little bit of a formula for it to work. It would be easy to be vague about this matter, yet we believe we can make some definitely valuable suggestions. Now it's going to get into an evening review. What's interesting about this evening review is that it's part of Step 11. 95% of the whole fellowship says that you do evening review as part of step 10 but as we saw last week in step 10 it says we do step 10 as we go along which means more by moment through the day if we wait until the end of the day to do a review our day can snowball on us and if I start my day in traffic and people cutting me off and having a bad attitude then when I get to work and people start giving me work that was due yesterday, then when I get home I kick the dog and I get back into traffic and my day has snowballed and if I can as soon as I see that my peace of mind has been disturbed if I could stop at that moment and step back and deal again with the 4 through 9 aspect of step 10 then I can get back on the beam and get on with my day instead of waiting until the end of the day and now 12 hours have just been ripped away from my peace of mind and again or not again but I don't really care if you call the evening review step 10 or step 11 the important thing is that you're doing it but I'd like to point out that in the book it says that as part of step 11 we constructively review our day which is the next sentence when I retire at night I constructively review my day also I think probably the biggest reason why people consider Step 10 to be part of, you know, to be only basically an evening review is because in the 12 and 12 it mentions many different inventories. It even mentions the spot check inventory or the moment-by-moment inventory like three or four times, but it also includes an evening kind of an inventory. It also includes a bi-yearly or like a six-month inventory and includes a year inventory. And the Step 10 essay closes with an evening inventory so perhaps that's where that comes from. But it also does mention three or four times like a spot-check inventory, so it does correspond with what the big book says, that the 10th step really is moment by moment throughout the day. And this is when we retire at night. This is the self-examination aspect of Step 11. When I retire at nighttime, I constructively review my day, not destructively. I don't beat myself up over ways that I've fallen short, but I constructatively review my date. So I try to matter-of-factly, as unemotionally involved as possible, just kind of review my day and see how I did. And it gives us some specific questions here. Some people refer to them as the 12 questions. I guess if you broke it down to its most minute way, it ends up being 12 questions, but what I see is about seven or eight questions, some of which have a few different parts associated with it. It says, was I resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Like Mike said last week, in association with step 10, that's sort of the four-step aspect of the 11-step evening review. It says do we owe an apology? There are steps 8 and 9 sort of in different words. Have I kept something to myself that should be discussed with another person at once? And notice that it says at once. Sometimes in doing an evening review, we might have to call somebody just to talk it over with them. Maybe they can see more truth than we will. maybe they'll catch an aspect of our ego that maybe we didn't notice. And that's the fifth step aspect of this evening review in Step 11. Was I kind and loving to her at all? That's sort of alluding to Step 12, practicing the principles in all of our affairs. What could I have done better? For me, that sentence captures the essence of spiritual growth. What couldI have done bettEr? I could have had the most perfect day and did absolutely nothing wrong. I'll be honest with you, in doing evening reviews for seven and a half years, there was one day that I did an evening review and I couldn't find anything that I'd did wrong. And what's interesting was that it was just an average day. There wasn't anything exemplary about that day. But for some reason, I did any evening review. And then I kind of said, that's kind of strange. To be honest với you, I didn't see, I went into very many people that day I kind of spent it by myself, and I even kind of stopped and said, wait a minute. I just reviewed my day, and wait a moment, there's got to be something. You know what I mean? And I kind OF tried to bring God even more into it because when I do an evening review, I kind Of do an S in God to help me review the day. I don't just review it from my eyes. I try to review it for my higher power's eyes, and nothing came up. And that's only happened once in seven and a half years, as far as I'm concerned. It's a fluke. But for me, the essence of spiritual growth is right there. I could have had the most perfect, absolutely ultimate day, but that sentence captures spiritual growth. What could I have done better? There might have been one other person that I could Have called or one person that saw across the street and kind of didn't respond to perhaps going over and seeing if they were okay or something. and maybe saw somebody from a distance that didn't go over to him. There's something, maybe for a period of time during that day I wasn't including God. That's something I could have done better. For me, that's the essence of spiritual growth is what could I have done bitter. Now as I go through this, you'll notice in the packet there's sort of a way that this evening review can be done very formally. Some people prefer to do writing. Journaling is a very transforming tool, and some choose to do this in their head. But something that I suggest to people that I work with is that, like Mike pointed out last week, the beginning of the 10th step says that we commence this way of living, which for me is the 10TH and 11TH step way of life, as we cleaned up the past. So we saw some time frames before, and now we're seeing another one in Step 10 that we practice this way of life as we clean up the past. As we start making amends, we also include step 10 and 11 in our daily repertoire. And again, this is a tool that can be used in a formal way to actually sit down and fill out these questions in a specific way. Was I thinking of myself most of the time? Or was I thinking of what I could do for others or what I would like to pack into the stream of life? But I must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection And again, at the beginning of that paragraph it says that we constructively review our day. So now he's repeating himself. So it must be pretty important for in a couple sentences he repeats himself twice. We don't do this in a way to beat ourselves up. If we do something wrong, we don't beat ourselves up later on for doing something wrong because now we're doing a second thing wrong based around that one thing. We don'T beat ourselves up. We see where we've fallen short. We learn from it and we move on. If we use something that disturbed our peace in the past to disturb our peace of the present, the ego is still winning. We're still perhaps falling short on maintaining peace of mind. So he says it here twice. We constructively review our day and now we're careful not to drift into worry or remorse or morbid reflection. And it's telling us why because that would diminish my uselessness to others. Again, the book again and again and against me again and around that sentence I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 references that basically say the same thing we need to be of service to other people to God and to other people after making my review I ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken and that's another way of saying step six and seven so right there in that paragraph as we do our evening review we again do the process of steps four through nine we did an intent moment by moment as we go through the day and we're doing it again in as part of our evening review with a couple of other things thrown in as well. And in the original manuscript, the next sentence, as part of that same paragraph that we just read, said, Thus you keep clean as you live each day. So it's kind of interesting that they took that out. And again, of course, after we do our review, we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken. That's a prayer. We're asking God for forgiveness and to inquire what correctives measures should be taken. sometimes that question is answered when we say what could we have done better but here we're officially asking God okay God I've fallen short how can I try to reach my highest power and how can i make up for what's happened or what perhaps tomorrow can I do better so it doesn't happen again as far as I'm concerned Mike I touched upon it last week that it doesn't say if we fall short. It says when these crop up, you know, we take corrective action. We're going to fall short, we're human, we're goingto fall short but we have a way to deal with that and, you now, four through nine moment by moment and,you know, again as we review our day and now it's going to tell us about some meditation on awakening it doesn't say after we've showered and eaten and gotten dressed and we're on our way to work it doesn'T say at some point in the morning it says on awakening something that I do is before I get out of bed the moment that I realize that I'm awake and I'm not going to fight going back to sleep because you know sometimes you wake up and it's before your alarm or whatever and you're kind of not up yet I say the third step prayer immediately my first thoughts try to be of God because I'm immediately first of all showing my higher power that it's a priority but more importantly I'm trying to fill myself with this positive wonderful prayer called the third steps I then normally get up I'll pee and I wash my mouth out I go over to my sofa I sit down and I start to pray and meditate Literally, within five minutes, I'm with God. And I haven't missed morning meditation in over a year. And Mike had touched upon it last week that we're both very similar with some of our practices and also some of Our previous experiences in that we had experience in the past of only practicing this not on a regular basis. We had glimpses of practicing this, but not doing it on a constant basis. And in the last year or maybe a little bit more, we've really pretty much separately really came into practicing this and making it a priority and doing it every day. I can only speak for myself, but I've seen the growth in him and I've experienced the growth within myself that this is really incredible when it's done on a priority basis every day. It's just incredible. It's a life-changing process. It says, upon awakening, let us think about the 24 hours ahead. That's the essence of one day at a time. That's also the essenceof living in the moment. We don't think aboutthe past. We don' t think necessarilyabout yesterday, although we can include part of our evening review we can perhaps bring into our morning meditation because if we've been shown some corrective measure, we now need to implement that into the next 24 hours. Another thing that you might notice is that if you turn back to page 84, it talks about entering the world of the spirit. The world ofthe spirit is only here and now. The worldofthespirit has no time. It's only in the moment. The world of the spirit is not in the past, and the world ofthe spirit isnot in the future. Just like conscious contactwith a higher power. It could have happened in thepast, but I can't right nowhave conscious contact with the higher powerthat I had a week ago. And I can' t have itin thinking aboutthe future. I need to be in the moment. And you'll noticeafter it says that entering the worldofthe spirit, it talks aboutwatching for resentment or selfishness, dishonesty,resentment,and fear right now, here and now. It says when these crop up, we add once, which is right now. Ask God to remove them. We don't ask him to at once remove them, we at once ask God to move them. I can't tell God when to do anything. And then it says we discuss them with someone immediately, which is right know, and make amends quickly, which is as soon as possible, you know, right now, as soon as possible. And then we resolutely turn our thoughts right now to someone we can help. So the world of the spirit and the spiritual way of life is in the moment, right here, right now, experiencing peace of mind doing what the right thing right now needs to be for me that was a really important thing that I stole from somebody to pass along to other people again, the world of the spirit is here and now I'm going to make amends three weeks from now it's saying quickly, now, immediately it's here and now if I'm missing an opportunity to do something now that perhaps my inner God is prompting me to do I'm missing that opportunity I'm moving past the time when it should be perhaps done and don't get me wrong sometimes you know that doesn't mean that if I have to go to work today I'm supposed to get on a plane and go talk to somebody you know we need to be responsible and reasonable and maybe even talk to people about what kind of guidance we're getting but again the world of the spirit is now in the moment doing what's the next right thing now well I really went off there it says as we consider our plans for the day this day today Before I begin, I ask God to direct my thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonesty, or self-seeking motives. That's a prayer. We're asking God to correct our thinking and especially asking him that it'd be divorced from self pity, dishonestry, or self seeking motives. My pager just started dancing. Under these conditions, the conditions of asking God to direct our thinking than it to be divorced from self-pity, dishonest, or self-seeking motives. I can employ my mental faculties with assurance for after all God gave us brains to use. My thought life when I'm being divorced from self pity, dishonesty, and self-Seeking motives will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. Notice in that paragraph all the inner stuff that it's pointing to. It's talking about considering our plans for the day. That's something that's on the inside. It's part of our thinking, and perhaps bringing God into it. It's asking God to direct my thinking, again, an inner thing. It's askin' that we be divorced from self-pity, dishonesty, or self-seeking motives. Again, all stuff that's inside of us. It's talkin' about mental faculties. It's lookin' about brains. It's talkin' about our thought life being placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is clear wrong motives. All inner stuff. You know, I don't think it's a coincidence that the fourth step talks about a moral inventory, and the tenth step talks abut a personal inventory. that a moral inventory is just sort of a general relationship conduct kind of an inventory and a personal inventory is just focusing on me. After we did the first step and shared the fifth step, we realized that the people and everything outside of us isn't the problem anymore. I'm the problem. Either because of something that I'm doing or because of the way that I am thinking towards something that's going on outside of me. That's why I'm going to use the meditation from the 12 in 12 which basically points to that and that's this line. It says it's a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. And then it continues to say if somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also. Because people are going to fall short, like we saw in the first guy. Perhaps they were spiritually blocked off because that's the only time that anybody including myself harms somebody. Like myself, when I'm harming somebody, I'm spiritually blocked off. Just like if you harm me, you're spiritually blocked off. But I can have a better attitude toward that person. Perhaps they've harmed me, but I can see that they're just spiritually blocked off I can still have love toward them anyway so it's talking here about our thought life being placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is clear and wrong motives that it talks about in step four that when the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically that for me there is a deeper level than just my thinking the deeper level for me is my motives that if I have loving motives if I am loving and unselfish motives my thinking is going to be in a certain direction and therefore my actions are going to be in the same direction. But if my motives are selfish and perhaps fearful then my thinking is going be in different direction perhaps the exact opposite direction and my actions will be in that same direction so for me there's a deeper level than just our thinking our motives direct our thinking and our thinking directs our actions so that's why the program gets into what's our motives, what's going on deep down within spiritually and then our thinking is going to different and then our actions are gonna be different and this points to it again in thinking about my day I may face indecision I may not be able to determine which course to take here I ask God for inspiration an intuitive thought or a decision again all inside stuff I'm facing indecison, I can't determine which curse to take I'm looking to my higher power for inspiration, intuitive thought, or a decission and then it's followed by something that's very important I relax and take it easy I don't struggle in the original manuscript the next line said ask God's help The book continues with some promises. Again, it's asking there to ask God for inspiration and intuitive thought over decision. That's another prayer. So it's saying in the paragraph before this that we consider our day. Now it's stating in considering our day, as long as I'm cleared from wrong motives in considering my day and asking God to direct my thinking, I might still be facing indecision. Should I talk to my boss about getting a raise? And sometimes that answer may not come very clearly. So I ask my higher power, which course should I take? You know, sometimes something that's kind of interesting is that rarely does a lightning bolt come down and hit somebody and say, yes, today is the day. Sometimes if I feel like my inner voice is prompting me to do something, And I don't necessarily assume that that's my higher power talking to me. Something that I'll do perhaps is talk it over with somebody else because, I mean, there were people all over the world that said that God was telling them to do something. And, you know, it was obvious well after the fact or soon after the fait that, you now, I don' t think that God wa s telling these people to drink Kool-Aid and kill everybody that's around you. I mean I'd like to question that and suggest that that perhaps wasn't... Maybe I shouldn't question it. I mean, I don't know why. I don' t know what the plan is. But if I was to go to you and say, God just told me to give Kool-Aid to everybody and kill them, I'm sure that you would see that a little bit differently than the way I'm seeing it. And I would hope. Please, if that happens. No, I'm just kidding. Only you. Everybody else, go with it. Something that I try to do in something that I think is guidance, and I've already passed it along to somebody else and they think that maybe it's a good idea is as I'm approaching doing what I'm about to do is I'll say to my higher power, if this is not what you want me to do, please give me a sign or just let me know. Let me know strongly that this is the right thing to do because I think I'm following your will and if this isn't your will, I'll go forward with it but there have been times where I thought that I needed to say something to somebody and then that whole entire day I couldn't get a hold of them. I called them, I went to their place, they weren't there. It started becoming real obvious as that day went along that maybe this wasn't the time to tell them. Whether it was a risky kind of a situation or not, I'm trying to get ahold of a person. I'm not able to, for me, that's sort of a sign. Now, I shouldn't necessarily avoid now not seeing them, maybe the next day is the right time, but I ask my higher power to give me a sign or make it obvious to me that this is not the right thing to do because I'm going to be doing this and I think this is what you want me to do. And sometimes I do, it does get obvious that maybe this isn't the right moment. And then it goes on to say, again, for me it's kind of important that I ask my higher power to inspire me in indecision which direction should I go in and then I let go. I don't try to force the issue. I don' t try to figure it out on my own. I tried to ask my higher power, you know, give me some inspiration, intuitive thoughts. Sometimes I'm at a meeting and I hear something that's said by somebody and what was said was a direct message to me because it's something that I was struggling with at the time. I can't tell you how many times that's happened. So, you Know, in facing a decision, I'm not sure which way to go. Maybe I can talk about it with somebody else because very often God talks through people. But I don't necessarily try to figure it out anymore. I just see how my inspiration goes and see how it just ends up going. Sometimes me not doing anything is the right thing to do. But it's saying here that I try to leave it in God's hands and not figure it out on my own. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. And it continues, what used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration when we come to rely upon it. Just that last part that I read, a hunch, occasional inspiration, and at the end of that sentence says the mind, conscious contact with God, inspired. Two lines later it talks about ideas, it talks About Thinking, talks about inspiration again all inside stuff it's amazing how much in 10 and 11 it's talking about our inner life and even just before it talked about our thought life being placed on a higher plane and that's kind of the little piece on meditation now it's going to talk about prayer I usually conclude the period of meditation the period or meditation and prayer that I be shown all through the day what my next step is to be that I'd be given whatever I need to take care of such problems. I ask especially for freedom from self-will. Again, he said that earlier. I ask specially for freedom from self will and are careful to make no requests for myself only. I may ask for myself however if others will be helped. I am careful never to pray for my own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why. The 11th step talks about praying only for suffering prayer and medication to improve my conscious contact with God asking only for his will for us and the power to carry it out I've seen in other spiritual literature I know the Bible is one of them that it says to pray for specific things and ask God for specific thanks I personally have gotten away from that as a result of language like this and because of a speaker that's influenced me and Mike in that I don't know what's best for me I don'T assume to know what's BEST FOR ME some of the things that I thought were BEST for me almost killed me and some of those things that I didn't think was BEST 4 ME and that I would even like to suggest was a bad thing that happened to me as I was going through my life ended up being the exact thing that got me to grow spiritually the most so I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME and you know Me assuming that I do, this person would refer to as a form of agnosticism. If I'm telling God what I want or what I think is best, am I letting God be God? I don't know what's best for me, so I'd rather just leave that in God's hands and I'd Rather just ask for what is your will in my life, Lord? That's what I Want to Do because I Don't Know What's Best for Me. A really cool story around all that is I got it from Anthony DeMello originally, but I've seen it in a couple different places now, so I'm not sure really where it's from. It seems that some spiritual masters kind of have taken it on as their own but I'm sure they got it from somewhere else because I've seen it in a few different places and it was something I sent out with my email list a few weeks ago. There was a spiritual man that lived on a mountain and just below him there was a farmer and the farmer really didn't like the spiritual guy because he kind of felt that the spiritual guide was a slacker. His only idea was to sit around and meditate and teach and you know the farmer thought that you know raising crops or growing crops and raising cattle was a whole lot more important than sitting around not doing much of anything and one day the farmers cows broke through the fence and they all disappeared and he had a whole lotta cows as a matter of fact his herd of cow if that's what they're called was the main part of his income and now that was all just now gone and he was really distraught and he went up to see the spiritual guy and he said, you know, Teacher, my cows have broken through the fence and they're all gone. This is a terrible thing. Why would God do this to me? You know, this is a really bad thing. Would you agree that this is really bad? And the spiritual guide looks at him and says, you Know, good or bad, I really don't know. And, youknow, the farmer kind of curses under his breath and goes back down to his farm and a couple days later a very large group of wild horses come through the hole that the cows had broken through and now they're on his land and he quickly closes up the fence and horses are a whole lot better than cows and there were a whole lot of them and the farmer is just totally ecstatic and he goes up to see the spiritual guy and says something wonderful has happened you know a whole large amount of horses have come onto my farm now where the hole was where the cows got out and this is really wonderful it's really great horses are so much better than cats isn't this a good thing and the spiritual guy looks at him and says you know good or bad I really don't know and again he shakes his head and goes back down to his farm and a couple days later, the farmer's son was riding one of the horses so he could break him. And the horse throws him off his back and he lands on his leg and breaks his leg and he's going through a lot of pain and the farmer is all distraught again and he goes up to see the spiritual guy and he says, something terrible has happened. My son is in a lot OF pain and he has broken his leg and this is terrible. This is a bad thing. Can't you agree that this is a BAD THING? And the spiritual guide looks at him and says, you know, better bad. I really don't know. And he goes back down vowing never to go see the Spiritual Guide again. and a couple days later war breaks out and soldiers come through trying to get young men to join the army so they can go to war and because his son has a broken leg they don't take him to battle and the farmer is just ecstatic and he goes to see the spiritual guy and says something wonderful has happened they didn't take my son to battle because his leg was broken isn't this a good thing and the spiritual guide looks at him and says you know good or bad I really don't know but you know there were many things in my life that I thought were what I thought was best in my wife that really ended up being not so good and there were many things in my life that I thought were terrible. You know, breakup of marriages and pain and bewilderment and people screwing me and saying things about me and, you know, it ended up being the period in my Life where the most amount of spiritual growth occurred because it created a situation where I was perhaps alone and I swept my higher power in a much stronger way. So, you Know, for me, good or bad, I just really don't know. And, you Now, I've gotten away from... I sometimes do it, but I try to get away from labeling of good or bad. I sometimes have some criticisms over things that have happened. As a matter of fact, today was a good example of it. But in trying to seek a spiritual perspective on life and leaving it in God's hands, I need to getaway from deciding what's good or good. What's good and what's bad in my life, I really just don't know. And that's why I've gotten away from requesting specific things for my higher power. I just ask for his will and have the power to carry it out when I know what it is to do. And then it goes on, if circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning medication. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. And you know, we've outlined prayers through this whole thing, you know, third step prayer, seventh step prayer. All kinds of prayers, even today. There's a list in your packet that lists all the prayers in the big book, at least all the ones I've found. You know, the serenity prayer and the prayer of St. Francis is in 12 and 12, as well as a whole lot of other short little one-line prayers. So it's saying to, you now, find prayers to help us as we go along. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest, minister or rabbi Be quick to see where religious people are right Make use of what they offer The wonderful thing about AA is that We don't assume that we're an end all In regard to all of this I know of no religion that says It's okay to seek what other religions say And I'm not suggesting that AA is a religion It certainly is a spiritual path Or a spiritual way of life let's call it, but I love the fact that it's saying here that see where powerfully spiritual people are right if something if some author touches your heart maybe you've seen a couple lines that's something that I try to do and what I send out is that it's a splattering of all kinds of influences and all kinds OF people and people have contacted me and said this Anthony DeMello really touches my heart whenever you send out stuff his, it really resonates to where I'd like to be. Can you suggest a book by that person? Or what influenced you in the stuff that you sent out? Where was it from specifically? So something I've always tried to be is sort of a spiritual thief in taking from many different sources. And for me that's sort of a conscious effort on my part because when we get into working with others which is the next chapter as well as other chapters that talk about how to work with people, it talks about find out what you can about them, especially like their religious life and their backgrounds, and adopt yourself to them. So if somebody that I start working with is Jewish and I know nothing about Jewish spirituality or Jewish religious, I can't really help them in that area. But I try to expose myself to many different sources and many different types of practices. And for me in working with somebody, I think it makes me a little bit more effective because whatever they are, I can adapt myself to that and I can influence them or not influence them but suggest powerful spiritual stuff which corresponds with what they already believe in going forward. So that's something I've always tried to do is pick and choose from many different sources. Make use of what they offer, it ends with there. Now here's an interesting little paragraph. As I go through the day, I pause when agitated or doubtful. on the original manuscript it then said and be still and the book continues and ask for the right thought or action we constantly remind ourselves I constantly remind myself I am no longer running the show humbly saying to myself many times each day I will be done it said that and that's a little bit of a prayer and it's also a third step reference you know, humbly singing to myself I will re-done that's sort of a third-step reference again a prayer in the tenth step it had a longer version of thy will be done. It said, thy will not mine be done and those two or three lines there are incredibly powerful as a tool as we go through the day, moment by moment. 10 kind of talks about moment by movement as we do what to do. As we go though the day. 11 a couple times has talked about as we got through the date what to d but it also includes how to start the day and also includes end the day so for me in my mind 10 and 11 are kind of together with a whole lot of stuff in there and what to do at any moment throughout the day. And notice there it says when agitated or doubtful. First of all, agitated is that our emotion has disturbed our peace of mind and doubtful is that Our Thinking has disturbed Our Peace of Mind. And those are the only two areas that can disturb Our Peace Of Mind, either Our Emotions or Our Thinking. Also notice that agitated as well before pissed off and rageful and doubtfull as well we're in deep crap or we're deep trouble. Excuse my language. that you know agitated or doubtful as soon as we realize that our peace of mind has been disturbed either emotionally or with our thinking we try to we try to step back see what's really going on here and get back on the beam well before we're downstream in the trouble we're down stream in not having peace of mind um and notice again it's it's you know i i wrote here um underneath that part i put that you know one of our slogans is keep coming back and i really believe that that's what god wants that we keep coming to god you know god keeps saying to us keep going back you know keep tapping into that wisdom within you keep including god into all our affairs keep coming back keep resolutely turning our thoughts to someone we could help you know here and now here and now, loving, unselfish, honest here and now. It's a really cool thing and it's a really cool twist on the slogan which I also stole from somebody but I've used it three times so I don't have to give him credit. I'd like to suggest that nothing that me and Mike has said has been original, I'll be honest with you. Speak for yourself. All right, let me hear you say it then. No, I'm just kidding, I can't speak for Mike but nothing I have ever said, I mean there might have been a couple things that were really inspired but it's mostly influenced by lots of things that I've heard pretty much. And, you know, that's a really cool one with the keep coming back. If you kind of look at that and you just think of it as a new person, but it can be also used as a person who's established in the program as keep coming to your higher power, keep coming up to doing the right thing, keep coming down to being unselfish. Okay, now here are the 11-step promises. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily for we are not burning up energy foolishly as they did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. Again, it's referring back to the third step when we're no longer the actor trying to run the whole show. And we're not wasting time with all that thinking and all that activity trying to manipulate all the people around us. Like I said earlier in step 11 it says that we relax and take it easy and don't struggle. and that the right answer will come. I mean, everybody here has experienced that. Everybody in the world has experienced that. How many times did we go looking for our keys and couldn't find it? And then as soon as we stopped thinking about it, we all of a sudden thought of it. I mean everybody here is experienced that that's that's the pure essence of what was just read there. You know, we try to be driven by the inspiration instead of by the ego in the mind, which is very fearful and very dishonest and very self-seeking motivated. We try to do the opposite of that. and then the next line is the shortest paragraph in the entire book it works, it really does and the original manuscript what came after that was try it so that's kind of neat then the second line then the last paragraph we alcoholics are undisciplined so I let God discipline me in a simple way we have just outlined again this isn't self help we let God discipline us we let that positive inspiration that positive intuitive thought help us to move in the right direction I don't know if I've said it here yet but I like describing it as we have two dogs within us it's sort of like the angel and the devil on our shoulder it's the exact essence of that that we have 2 dogs within uns the good dog and the bad dog the good voice or the bad voice the God, higher power unselfish, loving honest part of us and the ego driven fearful, dishonest, selfish part of US And there's this sort of internal war. And neither one of them ever dies. They're both there, and neither one of them never dies. When I was totally evil, there was still a small part of me that was telling me not to do that. But it was quieter and quieter, and I didn't listen to it more and more. But now in trying to live a spiritual life, that voice has become stronger and stronger. And it's just a matter of whichever dog I feed, that's the one that's going to get stronger. But like I said, neither one of them ever dies. Whether I'm feeding the one or not, it's always going to be there. And we're human, so we're sometimes going to feed the dead dog no matter how perfectly wonderful we are. So that's like... I love that mental picture of the two dogs, you know, that we can be motivated positively and we can being motivated negatively. Something that I've learned in the breakup of two marriages is that I am not my thinking and I am not my emotions. There were times in the breakup of the marriage, that my emotions were completely painful and completely negative, let's call it. Yet I still didn't do anything or say anything that I regretted or needed to make amends for while I was going through that. My emotions in my mind doesn't have to drive me. My thinking can say, I called up one of my friends one time and I said what the situation was, was that I moved out of the house. the next day the boyfriend moved in and now he's living in my house and I'm still paying for the house and he's leaving there now and I called up my friend and I was totally irate and Iwas totally consumed with emotions and thoughts that weren't very nice and Icalled my friend and I said which should I do burn down the house when they're home or burn down the house when theyre not home that was my best thinking now I didn't do that my friend even laughed at me because he was like shocked he was shocked that I would even think like that hearing some of the things I say from a podium you know what I mean But that was what I was going through at the time, and I learned that whether I'm going through a lot of emotions and I feel like lashing out, it doesn't mean that I have to. I don't have to be driven by that. There's still that small voice that wants me to do the right thing and that can be driving me whether I feel liked doing it or whether I want to do it. What I try to do is do the Right Thing, whether I feeI like it or whether want to or not. There's been so much happiness that has come because of that because, like I said, I went through that emotional turmoil and that pain and that bewilderment and even times anger and never said or did anything that I regretted through all of that and I don't know about anybody else here but that is a miracle I am not capable of that my last name is Lash so lashing out and ripping something apart with my tongue was a way of life for me I was really good at ripping people apart with my mouth and today it's just not an aspect of my life and the few times that that has happened it's just minor It doesn't control me anymore. And for me, that's one of the most wonderful promises that this program has offered me and that this way of life has offered мне is that whether I feel like doing it or whether I want to do it, it doesn't matter. I can still do the next right thing. Oh, I went off again. Okay. But this is not all. There is action and more action. Faith without works is dead. What works? And that was what it said in the original manuscript. What works, the next chapter is entirely devoted to step 12. now it's not saying that all of the information of step 12 can only be found in the next chapter, it's saying that the next chapter is only devoted to step 12 there's plenty of other parts of the book before and the chapters after this chapter that talk about working with other people as well as practicing these principles in all of our affairs so this is not the only chapter about step 12 the next chapters from here to the end of page 164 are all about working as well as practicing the principles in all of our affairs. Now, this is what it says in the 12 and 12 on page 98, and you can check it because we have one here, about when we touched upon in step 11, we touched on self-examination, medication, and prayer. And this is What It Says in the twelve and twelve about those three. It says there is a direct linkage among self- examination, meditation, and prayer taken separately. Now, individually taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit, but when they are logically related or interwoven, so in other words when they're done together, all three on a daily basis the result is an unshakable foundation for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is God's kingdom and we will be comforted and assured that our own destiny in that realm will be secure for so long as we try, however faultingly to find and do the will of our creator So it's saying here that individually, self-examination, meditation and prayer are powerful tools individually. But when all three are interwoven, it's an unshakable foundation for life. And that's why Mike and I next year we're going to be doing a whole entire weekend up at the Wilson House in Vermont, which is where Bill Wilson was born. We're going do a whole entirely weekend on just step 10 and 11. and we're calling it self-examination, meditation and prayer, an unshakable foundation for life. That's kind of the theme of the whole weekend and that's where we got it from. So again, no original thoughts there. Now that's pretty much all of step 11 It's almost 8.30. What I'd like to do Yeah It's always 8. 30 actually that's right according to this doc something I wanted to touch upon, Mike had mentioned last week how much I love this How to Listen to God pamphlet this pamphet is the single most concentrated and spiritual piece of literature I have ever found these three pages or four pages depending on what font you use has as much in here as whole books that I've read or listened to on tape it's probably closer to the truth one of the things I especially love is it talks about when we ask for inspiration in the morning if you remember when we did the meditation part of step 11 it said we ask God to direct our thinking so if we're asking God to direct our thinking we need and then ask that he be removed from self-pity and self-seeking motives we then need to be still and quiet and see what comes. And part of this technique in the How to Listen to God is that when inspiration starts coming, we write it down so that then we won't forget it and also we can share it with somebody else and see if perhaps this has been a guided or inspired thought. But in asking our higher power, if you turn to... I guess it's the second page of the How-to-Listen-to God pamphlet. It also mentions that if you're doing that and nothing is coming, it suggests what the reason quite possibly could be. And if you notice number nine, it says blocks. It says, what if I don't get any definite thoughts? It says God's guidance is as freely available as the air we breathe. If I am not receiving thoughts when I listen to God, the fault is not God's. Usually it is because there is something I will not do and then it gives a list of things to consider if these kind of things are happening in our life that this is probably why we have our higher power blocked off and we're not receiving inspiration. It says, something wrong in my life that I will not face or make right. A habit or indulgence I will not give up. A person I will not forgive. A wrong relationship in my life that i will not give u. A restitution i will nt make. Something God has already told me to do that i wll not obey. It says check these points and be honest and after checking the points and being honest, doing something about it to clear away that part that's blocking me off and then it says and then try listening again. so again for me this is one of the most powerful concentrated, it's just two or three pages pieces of spiritual literature I've ever read and it's an incredibly powerful tool when practiced I've never known anyone that didn't start practicing this that didn'T start receiving some really powerful things and see changes in their life and inspiration and thoughts that they wrote down and they knew that their mind didn'T put that there that they were inspired from some other source which they identified as a higher power. So what I'd like to do, since this talked about medication, prayer, and self-examination, since I don't have any pills with me, what I would like to is practice some meditation right now. What I'm going to do is maybe take three or four or five minutes and we can go into the silence and practice this right now I like the technique you suggest in how to listen to God. Perhaps if something comes, you can write it down. If you don't want to do that, that's fine too. But what I'm going to do is I'm gonna read that part where it starts talking about getting into meditation. I'm then gonna pause so that we can kind of be calm. And then I'm wanna read an excerpt, that spiritual axiom excerpt to bring into meditation as a suggested sort of thought to bring it to meditation. And let's see what comes as we then take three or four minutes after that in the silence to just meditate right now and start the practice if we haven't or to continue to practice if we've already done something like this. I don't want to suggest a rigid, I'm not going to suggest a rigid way of doing this, but something that I try to do is to just sit in a comfortable position and relax, close our eyes perhaps. Very often that kind of brings us into ourselves and when our eyes are open we're looking at things outside of us, when our eyes are closed. We can still hear things outside of us but it kind of shuts off one of those senses that can distract us. I've also heard just keeping our feet not crossed and flat on the ground just kind of connects us with the ground. You'll just kind to get comfortable. Relax. Just rest your hands calmly on your lap. I've been told that deep breaths release natural muscle relaxant into our system, so why don't we take three or four very deep breaths. Not yet. Take three very deep breathes. Inhale as deeply as you possibly can to the point where it almost hurts, and then exhale as far as you can, almost to the point where it almost hurts in a deep, extensive way. You can do that three or four times and then I'll bring this into this. So why don't we take three or four very deep diaphragmatic breaths. Try to just be here and now, don't think about the day, just try to relax and clear your mind. If a thought pops into your head, just matter-of-factly and emotionally observe it and watch it pass as if a cloud going by in the sky. And then get back to your peace of mind. Feel your muscles relaxing in your back Feel your butt sinking into your chair. Your muscles relaxing. Just being calm, here and now. Not thinking about the past or the future. Perhaps notice your heartbeat or your breathing, because again that gets us out of our mind and fuses within ourselves. So just think of how sometimes we can go whole days without noticing a heartbeat or our breathing. We'd like to ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that he be divorced from self-pity, dishonesty or self-seeking motives. Please Lord, direct our Thinking. And then we're going to go into the silence with this thought. it is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed no matter what the cause there is something wrong with us let's work within the studies of God I'd like to ask BHP to please help us more and more know what His will for us and to more and More have the power to carry that and when the time seems right open your eyes Okay. we didn't even know time passed wait a minute, we've got to continue did we really do that? every single time I've ever gone into meditation at the end I've always said no I don't want to come out I've already had a sense of no I don' t want to open my eyes I think you know, I've got to tell you the more I'm going to use we because I think I do speak for Mike here the more that we look at step 10 and 11, the more that's in there it's amazing all that's in 10 and11 it's been referred to as the strict disciplines of steps 10 and 11 I think it's interesting too that step 10 talks about continue step 11 talks about seeking and improving and step 12 talks about in all of our affairs our program leaves no room for complacency anything that is alive in our spiritual life certainly is and our relationship certainly is and plants certainly are and we as human beings certainly are anything that ist alive it is either growing or it is dying There is no coasting. There is not a lot of coasting on our laurels. The only way you can coast is downhill, and for me the whole program, but especially the last three steps, is sort of like walking up a down escalator, that I can get to the next level, but I have to keep moving. As soon as I slow down or as soon as i stop, it brings me right back down to where I came from, and that's been my experience in relationships. That's been by experience in spirituality. that's been my experience in sobriety so you know in working everything up to this point it's amazing in seeing what more there is to then rocket us to the next level and then in practicing this for a little while you know it says in how it works that none of us have been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles that these are very wonderful ideals and these are very wonderful principles to be practicing but as a human being it's almost impossible to maintain growth in all of our affairs so in practicing 10, 11, and 12 after doing all of our amends eventually then going back through the steps is you know going through and doing that brings us to a certain level but then in going through again it brings us to a further level that for me spirituality, God this program and this process is an unlimited uncapped kind of a thing that no one has ever experienced all that spirituality has to offer all that godly way of life has to suffer all that this program has to afford no matter how mediocre or bad it can be we can bring it to a point where it's a whole lot better no matter great and wonderful and perfect and just beyond our wildest dreams, it can be even better than that. And for me, that's the nature of my concept of a higher power and the nature of spirituality is just an unlimited kind of a thing. And there's a whole lot in there. Mike said last week, sometimes just on a word or a sentence can be meditated on for six months and absolutely transform your life. and even just that word pause you can take that one word and meditate on it and try to bring it into your life an agitated, doubtful pause just keeping that in your mind for the next six months completely transforming your life do you want to add anything to it? yeah, just two things one thing I forgot to cover last week in the 10th step If you look in the middle of page 85, it says what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. And we did touch upon the daily repieve and the spiritual condition, but one of the things I didn't talk about is that word maintenance. And for whatever reason, I think people must catch hold of this word maintenance and say that steps 10 and 11 are the maintenance step. And my experience is that these two steps are anything but maintaining steps because if I'm maintaining something, I'm keeping it the same. These two steps Are about growth. So I believe what Bill and I like to call them is growth steps rather than maintenance steps. Speak for yourself. Okay, what I like the call them. The second thing is on the top of page 86, it says that prayer meditation works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. And for a long time I wondered what they meant by the proper attitude. And a friend of mine one time pointed out exactly where in the big book it mentions the proper attitude. And if we go back to page 55 in Leigh Agnostics, fourth paragraph, it says we can only clear the ground a bit. And here it's going to give three things for the proper attitude. If our testimony helps, one, sweep away prejudice, two, enables you to think honestly, And three, encourages you to search diligently within yourself. Then, if you wish, you can join us on the broad highway, capital B, capital H. It goes on to say, with this attitude, you cannot fail. The consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you. So, the three parts of the attitude are having an open mind to sweep away prejudice, having the willingness to think honestly and also having the willingness to search diligently within yourself that's all I want to mention one last thing as it talks about I'll let you guys one other thing with one other thing with where it says that we ask God to direct our thinking a powerful way of doing that would be with this line when going into the silence in asking God to direct our overthinking it can be put this way you know and the you that I'm referring to is higher power what would you have me do where would you have me go, what would you have me say and to whom? That's another way of saying God direct my thinking. It's asking God to direct us throughout our day. Where would you have me do? What would you say and who? And again, if we then go into the silence, things that I've found in anybody that's tried this, things start coming to us. Call mom. Return return that money. Do that amends. Write your four step. Call Mike and ask him to sponsor you and commit yourself under his cultish leadership. Where would you have me? What would you me do? Where would have me go? What would you had me say and to whom is sort of the essence of asking God to direct my thinking as well as God to direct my day. And then specifics kind of start popping in. I just wanted to throw that one out because I almost forgot. I stole that one too.