Steps 10, 11 and 12 – 2nd Annual Stay Sober for Keeps Workshop – Part 1 of 5 – 2012 – John K.

Let's do this. We're going to open it to 84. And, you know, this is the stuff. I mean, you know, by now I'm a recovered alcoholic, you know, and I'm out on the path and I'm walking this path and I'm making these amends and my life has changed and it's continuing to change. And it says this thought brings us to step 10, which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set and to set right new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. So as soon as I started nine, I got to roll into 10. All right. It's pretty self-explanatory there. We vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We've entered the world of the spirit. Our next function. It's to grow an understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. I'm not just going to be whack. You're understanding and effective. It's not going to happen. Right. I got to get out in the world and practice these principles in all my affairs. And how do I do that? By practicing these principles and all to the best of my ability. So this is what we do. It should continue for a lifetime. Right. Here is step 10. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. Right. No new information here. We know what these look like. Why? Because we've done a step four and a step five. We know what these look like. Right. When they crop up, they're going to crop up. Right. So as I go through the day, I'm on. I'm watchful of these things. When they crop up, they're going to tell me precisely what I'm supposed to do. Right. We ask God at once to remove it. Right. Simple. We discuss it with someone immediately and make amends quickly. If we've harmed anyone, we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Simple. Right. Maybe. As we go through this thing, you know, as I as I'm growing and understanding and effectiveness and I'm doing this stuff, it all becomes easy. It's like if Peter and I work together right on a day to day basis and and all of a sudden Peter somehow and I we get crossways during the day. Right. And he says some things that I don't particularly like. And I just fly off the handle and call him every name in the book. All right. And I walk away from that thing. And as I'm walking away and I'm like, God, what a complete idiot I am. I mean, Peter's my brother. You know, I had no right to treat him that way. And I'll go to the bathroom or whatever and have a little quiet time and I'll hook it back up with God. And I know in my heart that I've got to go clean this up. And I will go to Peter. And fall on my sword and say, Peter, I had no right to treat you that way. I you don't deserve that. And I shouldn't treat a brother that way. What can I do to make that right? And I shut up and let him tell me or whatever. And that's done. And then I will go to the next guy or go to the next job at work and I will do the best job that I can do. Right. And be cool with it. And consider it done. If you're. Playing along at home. You notice that I left out a part. And that part was me picking up the 10,000 pound phone. And putting it to my ear and calling my sponsor after I've prayed. Yep. Cliff, it's John. I did it again. You know, I imagine I imagine God is up in the heavens creating vast universes. And when he hears me go through this litany of this, a 10 step in my head. I'm like, oh, I stepped on some toes and I got to go clean it up. And I rationalize it all. And I say a little quickie prayer to God. And I go to Peter and do it all. And I don't think God misses a beat. But when God sees me in the middle of the day during this situation, stop down and hook it back up with him. And then pick up the phone and call my sponsor and show my belly to my sponsor and let my sponsor know that, yes, I am still human. I'm not perfect. I hope. It's an act of humility. And then I go to God's kids and clean up the wreckage that I caused. And then I go to some more of God's kids and try to be helpful. Then God says, that's my boy. That is a 10th step. If I'm not doing that, I am not doing a 10th step. It's pretty simple. I'm either doing it or I'm not doing it. It's like you're either free or you're not free. That's a 10th step. Does that mean I call Cliff? Bishop 85 times a day? Nope. But I can assure you, I call him every day. I can assure you when S hits the fan, he's on my call list like immediately. The biggest, but you and I've had in 12 years of sobriety is 10 step stuff. And it was early on in my sobriety and I had let some stuff pile up. Myers knew about it. Kurt knew about it. Everybody knew about except my sponsor. I finagled my work schedule so I could get out of town to manufacture a weekend on my own so I could spend time with my little. Nieces who I just adore. And I get there to my mom's house and all the kids are sick and whiny and it was pathetic and I'm sitting there twisting out. I got work piled up to here. It was not the experience that I had envisioned. And so finally on a Sunday afternoon I decided to call Cliff and of course he had heard it from my buddies. So much for buddies, right? And so I tell I pled my case to Cliff and he let me get it. Off. All out and he let me have it up one side and down the other. Who the hell do you think you are? John? Can you think you're like a normal person that can just let this study? I mean, he gave it to me like nobody's business and I had to take it like a man. But ever since that day is a day when I call him and a lot of my days are good and nothing happens, man. I mean, it's pretty hip slick and cool. A lot of times I'm working by myself and I'm not in anybody's way. Nobody's on my nerves or right, but I still call the old man to check in with him. He's old. He may need my help at something. But when fear, resentment, dishonesty and all that stuff crop up, he's on my list because I guarantee if I call him out of the blue and say Mel's not doing it right or I'm frustrated at work. She's going to he's going to ask me. Have you spent some time with God about this? If I tell if I haven't and I tell him the truth, no, he's going to say, why the hell are you calling me? Go do that. Then call me. I mean, that's a 10 step. But look at these promises. This is killer stuff. We read them last night and we've ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol for this time. Sanity will have returned. Right. So the hope is step two has come true. We'll seldom be interested. Liquor tempted. We recoil from as it were a hot flame. We react sanely and normally and we'll find that this has happened automatically. I'm not doing it. I'm just bebopping along living my life. This is all happening. This is all God's stuff. It's not me fighting the drink. It's not me trying not to drink. It's just happened. Right. That's cool. We'll see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes. That is the miracle of it. We're not fighting it, nor are we avoiding temptation. How many of you have been spinning around in these rooms trying not to drink and go to meetings? That sucks. All right. I feel for you because I was that guy for 11 years. That's terrible. Where am I going to go to avoid temptation? I mean, I drank from the time I came to to the time I passed out. So waking up was a dilemma every day. Here we go. Got to set the ball rolling again. But let's look. We're not avoiding temptation. I mean, I got treatments. Tell treatment centers telling me to do trigger lists. Got to change my playmates, play things, play pals. And they're telling me to don't hang around. These people don't hang around. These people do this. Don't do that. Well, let's think about some stuff in the big book. Bill Wilson walks into a cafe to use the telephone drunk cafes and telephones on Bill Wilson's trigger list. Jim, the car salesman. Jim, the car salesman stops at a roadside cafe to have some sandwiches and milk. Ends up drunk. Cafes, sandwiches, milk on his trigger list. And poor Fred. The end of the perfect day. Fred, unfortunately, walks through a doorway. And ends up drunk. Doorways on the trigger list. And, yeah, and perfect day. You know? I mean, come on, people. It's not like I'm going to get into a situation. I'm going to run out to the trunk of my car and get out my Gorski relapse prevention manual and go down the checklist. We feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We've not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. You dig that? Here's what that means in my life. I don't think about drinking today. I don't think about not drinking today. It does not exist. It does not occur to me. You know what I'm saying? I spent 11 years trying not to drink. Even when I wasn't drinking, booze owned me because I was thinking about drinking. Or thinking about not drinking. Or how am I going to get through the day without drinking? What am I going to do if the Cowboys ever win a Super Bowl again? Those things cross my mind. I don't have to worry about that. I'm safe and protected. It says we've not even sworn off. It says, yeah, it does not exist for us. We're neither cocky nor afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. What's fit spiritual condition? How about this? How about work and self-sacrifice for others? That's a good way to stay in fit spiritual condition, right? Get off my butt, get out of my head, and go help somebody. I didn't tell you this story last night because I forgot. But during that first month of my sobriety, I told you I worked in the design district. And I had this little pissant job. And they were going to pay me for a certain amount of work. And here I am, new buckaroo. I'm a new guy. This stuff is happening in my life. I'm fired up. I talked to Cliff on a Sunday morning. I'm on top of the world. I go to Homeward Bound because I told some guys I'd go help them with doctor's opinion stuff. And I go and I help them for an hour or two. And I get back home. I'm looking at the TV. The Cowboys were like 1 and 15 that year. It was terrible. And I'm like sitting there by myself in my place, not a cloud on the horizon. I had finished that job on Friday. And now, by myself, I start doing the math in my head. And I know what I'm going to bill them for. And I know how much they're going to try to backtrack on paying me. And I'm trying to add up all the numbers. And I'm looking at a stack of bills. And the math is not adding up. And I mean, my head takes a left turn. And all of a sudden now, I'm sober. I'm doing what everybody wants me to do. I'm doing this stuff. And now I'm going to be homeless living in a van down by the river. This sucks. I mean, I am nuts. I'm nuts. I'm nuts. I've been in like a 30-minute span. And I'm beside myself. This is not working out. This is not what I signed up for. Said a little prayer. I picked up the phone and called Cliff. And I started. He's like, you were in such good spirits a couple hours. What happened? And I start telling him this litany of why my life is going in the toilet. And he lets me say it all. And he says, John, you have a dollar now? And I'm like, yes, sir. And he said, great. I'm going to hang up now. And when I hang up, I need you to get your dollar. I need you to say a prayer and get your dollar. And take your big book. And go down to 24-Hour Club or Homeward Bound. Talk to every son of a gun that you see. Tell them your story. Stay there for a couple hours. Call me when you get home. Talk to you later. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. good job. He said, so make sure everything is so cool, of the job. He goes, there you have it. Don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, big boy, but you don't got to drink today. It's all good. Right? Work and self-sacrifice for others. It tells me in the next paragraph what's going to happen if I sit on my rear. It's easy to on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. Laurels, Greek for rear end. Not really. Somebody looked it up, you know, but it's my past accomplishments. It doesn't matter that I've been a big book guy for 12 years. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that I plan to be a big book guy for another 12 years. It doesn't matter. I have today. My job is to do my job today no matter what happens. It's easy to let up on the spiritual program. I've got work. He knows some of my work. I've got work. I've got work. I've got work. I've got work. I've got work. I've got work. I've got work stuff. I got problems galore at work. My wife has been sick for a long time. It's been rough. I got a two-year-old little boy. He's a handful. I got lots of stuff going on in my little personal life. It would be real easy if I wasn't plugged in to kind of want to tap the brakes and say, you know what? Why don't we let these knuckleheads do this? Somebody else can do. I've been doing 24-hour club for 12 years in a row on every Sunday. I haven't seen a Super Bowl in 12 years. It would be real easy for me to start patting myself on the back and say, well, let's let these other guys do it. Why? Because it says we're headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. Alcohol, cunning, baffling, and powerful. Cunning. I love that word. Lying in wait to ensnare through trickery and deception. I love it. Just alcoholism is just waiting waiting for me to get a little too resentful, a little too egotistical, a little too fearful, a little all of the above. Waiting for that one little opportune moment where he can say, hey, or suddenly, right? It says what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. I used to be one of those meeting auditors. I'd hear somebody at a meeting, and I'd hear somebody at a meeting, and I'd hear somebody at a meeting, and I'd hear a noon meeting say something really hip, slick, and cool, and I'd take it to another six o'clock meeting and say it, and I'd have people, I had accolades galore, right? I didn't know what it meant, right? I got to carry this vision. Anybody can do that in AA. Anybody can come in. Did anybody drink for an hour a day? Okay, I didn't think so. Well, so where do we get the idea that we're going to come in here and be spiritual giants for an hour a day and then go out there for the next 23 and be jackasses? No. I got to practice these principles in all my affairs. That means at my AA group, of course, at work, in traffic, and more importantly, how about home? When I got sober, I was single, and I remember doing vision for you stuff and all this stuff, family afterward, and I'm thinking, this sobriety stuff's a piece of cake. Until you get into a relationship, right? And then it takes on a whole new twist because now I've got another person. You know, I've got one, God's trusted me with one of his little princesses, and I've got to treat her with all the respect that I do everything else, and sometimes it's good, and sometimes we get crossways, but I got to practice, and now we're married. We got to practice these principles in all of our affairs, right? Got to carry this vision. You know, step 11 is now that we've got this day-to-day, we've got to practice these principles in all of our affairs. Step 11 is now that we've got this day-to-day, we've got to practice these principles in all of our affairs. Day-to-day plan here, what are we going to do? This prayer and meditation stuff. Well, I don't know how to meditate. Some old guy told me, he says, well, you know how to worry? And I said, yeah. He says, then you know how to meditate. Meditate is a little positive, all right? You know, my sponsor had me reading this stuff every day for like the first 30 or 40. He didn't want me to memorize this stuff. He wanted me to get a working plan of action on how I'm going to do this, because on page 86, they give me some great instructions on what to do when we're married. And I said, well, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. And we retire at night, right? It's a great catch-all. If I've done a thorough 10, these questions on 86 are pretty simple. If I'm not doing a 10, this stuff on 86 is ugly. And you might think, well, why don't they do on awakening? Because we start our days on awakening. I don't know if this is true or not, but let's put it into historical context. I already told you back in the day, 1934 or 35 or whatever, they got you out of the hospital. You did a third step prayer. You did your fourth step, fifth step, sixth step, seventh step, eighth step list, all in one afternoon. When you retire at night, you've had a full day, right? But they asked me these questions. And over time, I've learned how to do this myself. In the beginning, I asked, I had this written down. I have new guys now. I have them make out a little index card just in the beginning to learn how we're going to, because we're all going to find our ways to pray and meditate. I mean, some of you cats are getting up at the crack of dawn and you got your one day at a time books and your daily reflections. Whatever you're doing. And I applaud you for that. I've tried that. That's just not my cup of tea. You know, I mean, if you need a bubble bath and tinkle tinkle music to do prayer, go for it. Rock on. It's all good. This is a way to get me to start to do it. I found the way that is seemingly comfortable to me and it works, I guess. Right. We're cool with it. I'm cool with it now. I'll try something else. If my says, Hey, I try this. I'll try it. I'll try anything. Right. But they give me some stuff to do because am I doing a thorough 10 step? Am I doing a thorough 10 step? Am I keeping my side of the street clean? Am I being as useful to God and his children as I can? And then on the awakening part, Myers mentioned it earlier. I need to get God into the equation right off the bat. Why? Because if I get my feet on the floor and start walking, because the first thing I'm waiting for the day when I'm spiritually enlightened and the first thing I think of is, wow, I wonder how the people in Laguna Niguel are today. But y'all aren't all my first. These are the 24 hour club. When I wake up in the morning, you know what I thought of? I'm cold. I got to pee. It's all about me. Right. So they're asking me, the literature is asking me to get God into the equation at the first opportune moment moment. And so before I even get out of bed, I tell God, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, God. I didn't wake up with a bottle of vodka next to my head. Thank you that I woke up period. We're all good. I try to get God with it. I take care of my little business and I have a little bit of time. I'm going to get God into the equation. I'm going to get God into the equation. I take care of my little time to myself and it tells me what to do because like on facing indecision. I mean, my gosh, maybe I'm interviewing for jobs. Maybe I've got court. Maybe I've got a custody hearing. Maybe I've got all sorts of things on my plate that day. I don't know how to handle them. What they're telling me to do. Relax. Take it easy. And the 11th step in the morning. That's the only place that says, take it easy. What am I doing? Hooking it back up with God, asking God for guidance. As I go through the day, they're telling me to continually get back with God. Get back with God. Tell God, thank you. You know, I, something cool goes, something cool goes on in my work. I make a good call or I get another lead on, on a deal that I'm working on. I tell God, thanks. I actually told God the other day, thank you for weeding out a bad deal. It was a very lucrative deal, but wasn't meant to be. It was a tough blow. Obviously that's what God had in the cards, right? I moved on. I ain't stewing about it. It is water over the dam. Move on. Look for the next one, right? This is all of me trying to, this is all God's glory. And how, I mean, some, cause somebody asked me one time and said, well, how much time do you spend? And I'm like, well, I don't know. I don't ever put a clock on it. I'm not like spending an hour in the morning praying with God, but throughout the day is, I mean, I get little miracles in my day all day long. That I never ever would have seen left to my own devices. And so I tell God thanks along the way, because it was through his grace that I get to experience everything that I'm experiencing, whether it's good, bad, or indifferent. And what I think is good one day may be bad the next. And you know the drill on that. Am I almost out of time here? Oh, I got like 10 minutes. I'll do this. Good. Look at page 89. Cause the whole tone of the book changes on page 89. Actually, while you're on 89, look over at page 88. Look at the words on that. We, we, we. I mean, how many times did they say it on that page? A whole bunch. Cause up until this book, up until this point, the book has been, it's a we thing. We're doing this. We're doing this. We think this, we think that, right? It's we. Page 89 points the finger right back at me. What am I doing? And it says chapter seven, go into meetings. I was just seeing if y'all were on your toes. I love that. I learned that from Myers a long time ago. Bill's pretty precise in his writing. And he thought the meeting was the solution to all my problems. He would have said chapter seven, go into meetings. And they would have told us all about it. And he would have said, chapter seven, go into meetings. And they would have told us all about it. But it's not. It's chapter seven, working with others. And apparently they felt really, really strong about this. Cause if you look, I'm going to come back to that page and I'm just going to hit the high points real quick. But if you look on Roman numeral 16, XVI, that's also the page with the first must in a big book. But at the bottom of Roman numeral 16, he says, this seems to prove that one alcoholic could affect another as no non-alcoholic could. And it also indicated that strenuousness, one alcoholic with another was vital. Vital means necessary for life, vital to permanent recovery. They felt that it was important. And you flip on, you know, in Bill's story on page 14, they tell you the same thing. It's vital, right? It's necessary. I cannot keep what I don't give away. Peter Marinelli says it's addition through subtraction. The emptier I get, the fuller I get, right? I got to give it away. I can't hug the treasure. To myself, I got to give this away. And he says, practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. Intensive. How did I drink? Intensively. My sobriety is no different. It doesn't matter if the guy or the gal in the group doesn't have to do anything and they stay sober. More power to them. In my instance, it does not matter what you do. It matters what I do. And I drank all day, every day, nonstop. My sobriety is no different. That's what they told me. It says it works when other activities fail and I'm going to try other activities. I'll go to the store and buy some Nikes. I'll wash my car. I'll do this. I'll do that. I'll piss and moan in my cornflakes for a while. But when that doesn't work, what do I do? I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I drink. I say a prayer and I go help somebody and it works. This is our 12th suggestion. Carry this message to other alcoholics. And the message they're talking about is the message that they wrote down in the book. Not my individual message. Not a therapeutic message. Not a cognitive development. Not a Dr. Phil message. This message. The one they gave us the instructions for. That's the message I can do. But look at this little paragraph. Life will take on new meaning. Life will take on a meaning. But to watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends, this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. And they go on in this chapter to tell us how we engage the new guy, what we're supposed to say on the first meeting, and they do all this stuff. But one of the things that I am so grateful of, and I hope my actions on a day-to-day basis show that, one of the things that I'm so grateful to this, for in my life is that there was guys around and gals around in my group at the time that knew the drill. I'm so grateful for my sponsor for not giving really a rat's rear what I felt or what I thought or how he should love me into sobriety. He just told me the drill and threw me in the deep. And we did it. Because see, man, left to my own devices, left to my own, I'm the guy that sits on the back room in AA and I let the game come to me. And I'm hopeful one of you cats will say something cool enough and witty enough that's going to keep me sober for the next 23 and a half hours. And I will do that for as long as I can do that until I drink again. And I will continue that process until I drink myself to death. I am sure of that. And I didn't have an option this time. Clifford told me where to go and what to do. Myers started telling me what to read and what, you know, what I'm supposed to do and how to do it. And they gave me the parameters and they gave me the guidelines and they gave me the opportunity to get out. I'm like, Myers, what do I do? You have a name, John. Introduce yourself to these guys, you know? And that was my job. And that was my little getting my feet wet. But over time, all of a sudden, now I've got a knucklehead to sponsor. And that guy, the coolest thing in AA, I could tell you, he could tell you stories. We could all tell stories and sing Kumbaya. But until I actually did it the first time, it's all theory. And that first little knucklehead at Homer Bound asked me to help him. And I told him, I said, you know, I got like 27 days. And he goes, I've heard part of your story. And if you can get 27 days, I'll try anything. I called Cliff. I'm like, Cliff, what do I do? He said, John, you're a very good reader. Read the book. That's why they wrote it. Tell him your story. And that's how I started with this guy. And we went and we went through it word for word, line by line, right? And the next thing you know, I had another guy and another guy. Pretty soon I had a guy they had let out of prison. I don't know why they let him out of prison. Judge Baraka didn't know why they let him out of prison. And this guy was rough. He hated, he was kind of like Myers. He hated everyone. Everyone. And somehow he was attracted to me. figure. God, he was rough. And I mean, all this great stuff is happening in my life, and I start working with this guy. And this guy could read. He had a real problem with comprehension. So I had to go kind of slow with him and explain these concepts and explain page 30 and explain, you know. And we started doing the deal. And he started to change. And he's still in Homer Bound, and I'm giving him a ride to our meeting. And I remember one night, we had done his four-step, we had done his fifth step, right? We've got his amends list, and he had some God-awful amends. And some horrible stuff happened to this guy. And I picked him up, and we got him to the meeting, and we were walking up to the group, and we just stayed. We stopped right at the edge of the sidewalk where this cyclone fence is by this kid's playground. And you still got to walk into the meeting. And Ben and I stopped, and he's like, why are we stopping? I said, we're going to be greeters tonight. I don't want to greet. I said, exactly, dude. And we stayed out there with his gruff old voice, and we shook. And I mean, it was painful, painful, right? But we made these little steps, right? And we're all a little beehive of activity. And I don't know if it was the following week. It was shortly thereafter. We go do our little rah-rah thing down in the cafeteria and everything, and we're back up. Everybody's having a smoke break, and we're all kind of gathered around. I'm sure Myers is telling a very spiritual story to me. And as he's telling me, I'm looking over his shoulder, and I see Ben. And he keeps telling me this story, and I'm finally like, stop, look. And we look, and at the edge of the thing, there's Ben. He's got two guys over there cornered up. And you could hear him say, I'm Ben Woods, and I just got this cell phone. Here's my number. And he's giving out this number. He's giving out little red books. We're both crying. Michael Kelly's crying. That is, if you want to know what the magic handshake in AA is, that is it. Seeing a busted up guy or gal who everyone was done with, and see them grab hold of this thing. And in a short journey, God transformed them into a helpful part of society again. That's the best thing in the world. That's the best thing in the world. You can put me anywhere on God's green earth. I have a big book. I have a God of my understanding, and I know how to find drunks. And it's my job to go find them. And it's hard at my group to find drunks. Why? Because we got 250 people there, and 200 of them are qualified sponsors. It's hard to get a new guy. He's not joking. You see a guy you don't know, go talk to him, because that may be your only shot with this guy. I talked to a bunch of people. The other night, they're like, oh, I already got a sponsor. I'm like, God. Well, if that doesn't work out, here's my number. I'm going to have to resort to bad men. Well, that guy sucks. Why don't you come over here? I'm not going to do that. No. It's a good problem to have, but I got to go find you. I got to be on my toes to find these people. But that is the good juju, right? I don't know how it's all going to play out in the end of time. I don't know what my life is going to be like 50 years from now, but I know what God has in plan for me. God has a primary purpose. I went through all of that crap for all of those years to get me to a point to where I was teachable, to where I could be useful to God and serve him and help others. And like I said last night, I hope God keeps me hungry. I'll let Myers finish her up. Thank you. There are milestones in everybody's sobriety. There are times when we do these. Some of us think, well, the biggest milestone is when I sobered up. And then there's the biggest milestones when I sponsored or when I did this. You know, for a lot of us, we never get to the biggest milestone that we can get in AA, which is 12-step work. It's this idea that we would be of service to somebody else. We talk about it. We share about it a little bit. But it's a funny thing. It's like we don't really, there are so many of us out there that don't get involved with it. How do I know? Because it's the very first question I ask people that I sponsor. Brand new guys relapsing or brand new guys coming in that I don't know. That's the first question I ask them. Tell me what you were doing around sponsorship. Like this. I mean, it's just kind of an uncomfortable deal like this. Sometimes they'll say, well, I sponsored a guy once and you've been sober how long? What, 23 years now? Okay. Okay. So you got one guy in 23. Listen, I got this group of guys, this old group of guys that I sponsor right now. I'm not going to tell you what I call them, but they're all like me. And they collectively, they've got over 120 years of sobriety in them. Collectively, they've sponsored five guys collectively. And, and so one of them hadn't sponsored anybody in the whole time that he's been there. And I'm just going like, why? What do you, what do you, I just, it just doesn't make sense. It's like, but the thing about, it's like one of those kinds of things where within our fellowship, we've downplayed the idea that sponsorship is important. Depending, there's always somebody that can take care of it and downplay this idea of 12 step work. And I, I held this whole idea at bay many, many years ago when, when I was at that, my original home group, I was so, I was, I was early in the, in, in sobriety. Somebody asked me to drive a bus that some guy hadn't showed up and, and they wanted me to drive a bus to a treatment center. So I took this van and the, the, the little jitter guys got on the, on the van and I drove them to a meeting and then they loaded them back up again like this. And I drove them back to the, to the deal. And that was my 12 step experience. And that, and I milked it forever. People go, well, do you do 12 step work? Yeah. I drove that bus that time. You know what I'm saying? It's like, it's like, what? I mean, where does this line up with intensive work with other alcoholics? You know what I'm saying? But I'm, but I'm, but I guess I got a head full of stuff that says you can't do this. Listen, I've been, I've been, people have been telling me how stupid I am since I was a little kid. My, my mom used to tell me that all the time. Man, you, twins just aren't real smart. Your sister, now she's the smart one. I mean, it's like I had to give her a noogie when I got older, but I mean, it just, I just, but the truth is I'm not that bright. And so I can buy into this thing and say, you know what? I'm always going to be too stupid to do 12 step work. And so I always, we'd, we'd sit in these meetings, I'd get smart and I'm learning stuff like this, but I'd always let somebody else do it. Somebody else would come in and I'd go, Oh, um, look. And I'd kind of look the other way and ignore them until I look, Oh, I missed that guy. You know, like it's just like, I'm just playing games with them. I don't want to, if I actually got the guy, I don't know what I do with him. I don't know what I do with him. I don't know what I do with him. I don't know what I do with him. Ooh, I don't want, I don't, it's like, I'm, I know that I need to sponsor guys to stay sober. So I'm pulling with this hand and I'm just as hard pushing with this hand to try to make sure that I don't get hooked up. You see? And so that I know most of you spiritual giants never would do that, but I mean, I practiced that. I had it down to a kind of a science for a while. I was going to write a book on how to avoid proteges, but cause I just want them. I don't want to do it. Well, in, in AA hell. And I come over here and I get involved with his AA guys and I'm there almost two years. Um, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm kind of, I'm buddies with some of these guys, but people are kind of walking big circles around me because I don't really have anything to offer and I'm not really a part of what they do. And, and one night we were having this meeting and, and, and I remember, look, you know how you have these moments of clarity. And so I'm looking at this guy and I'm saying, I'm just, I'm just different. I mean, JK wasn't there yet. He would be there later, but he, but I'm looking at these members and I'm, and every time I'm looking in their eyes, I'm seeing something that's not reflected back. I'm seeing something different than what I am. And I'm just going, ah, this is not good, man. I'm by now I'm almost 10 years sober, but I'm still not who you are. I'm still not part of who you are because I'm not doing what you do. And so after the meeting, I got in with Cliff. We talked a bit, a little bit that's last night. And, and I, Clifford's just really frustrated with me by now because he wants, he knows what I need to do, but I'm not going to do it. And so anyway, he tells me to go get busy and do some 12 step work. I'm not going to get into that story, but I want you to understand that I just, everything in me said, you can't do that. And, and, and I, and I had done such a good job of selling myself that, that it was a real obstacle. And so when people, when people say they're not doing any 12 step work, there's a part of me that would like to jam them up and say, well, you know, you don't, but the reality is I get it. I understand why some of us make excuses, why we don't want to do 12 step work and why we gravitate to groups where 12 step work is not a big thing. Now, there are some groups like, like our group, man, if you don't like, if you don't dig 12 step work, you don't buy, see, you'll feel so uncomfortable there because that's all we talk about. That's all we talk about is that stuff is, is trying to help somebody else. And so let me read something real quick and then I'll, I want to get into some stuff that's important on the stuff. Page 14 at the bottom of the page, they're painting this picture that I think is pretty cool. Bill Wilson is in town's hospital and he's talking about his friend, Abby. And he says, my friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. Now, particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without worse was dead, he said, and how appallingly true for the alcoholic. Now listen to this. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again. And if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead. Indeed with us. It is just like that. Now hold your finger right there. We're not finished with this, with this little piece here, but look at what it said, work and self-sacrifice for others. He could not survive the church, certain trials and low spots ahead. Well, guys, this, we know this is coming. We, we, we know it's out there. And, and, and JK was talking about it. This is the secret handshake in Alcoholics Anonymous. This is the thing that nobody wants to hold us accountable to do. And yet it's the one thing, that will save our bacon. It's the one thing that will change everything about who you are and what you are and your purpose for being in these rooms. And I got to tell you, I hate to break it to you. Sitting at an occasional meeting, sharing your day is not intensive work with other alcoholics. That's not what he was talking about. Okay. It hadn't even been invented when he wrote this. What I think is the really profound part about this stuff though, guys, is the next line. My wife and I abandoned ourself with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems. Guys, I don't know how long it's been since you completely abandoned yourself to something. But for those of you who remember doing that, any of you guys hunters in here or fishers in here, I know this is, I don't know what you guys do in California, but maybe whatever it is, fancy cars, surfing, it doesn't make any difference. Remember the last time you actually got into something and totally abandoned yourself to that and how cool it felt to just simply get involved like this. And I mean, this is what they're talking about. Flip over to 160, bottom of, bottom of 160. It'll start right there. A short little piece. He and his wife would leave elated by the thought of what they can now do for some stricken acquaintance in his family. They knew that they had a host of new friends. It seemed that they had known these strangers always. They had seen miracles and one was to come to them. They had visioned the great reality, their loving and all powerful creator. Wow. Wow. He and his wife would leave elated by the thought of what they could now do for some stricken acquaintance. They said, yeah, I'm THE, they were the lead GBT man. Like the一点 яぁ was not there at the time because he thought I was wearing a black amazing hat. It felt like they got relaxed and they decided to leave. It drink that it didn't taste good. It tasted terrible. He had a passion for it, but he was really mucha<|tr|> dowry, but all that it didn't comfortable him that and he left and didn't come back.체 We can be what? Those spearheads of God's ever-increasing, ever-advancing universe that he talked about earlier? I think that this stuff is important. I don't think sometimes we want to look at it in such a heady way, but it's the truth. Why did you get to get sober and somebody else didn't? I think we have a profound responsibility to carry this message to other people. I think that's the way it works. So let's talk about a couple things real quick, and then we'll tie this stuff up. One of these guys that I'm sponsoring, one of these old dudes said, you know, I understand from my original sponsor that there's no way that you can effectively sponsor more than one or two guys in your experience in AA. And I'm thinking, there's a couple of myths that I want to bust right now if we could. I'd just like to take this big pin about this big and just burst them, because some of this stuff is crazy to think about it and to talk about it. This idea that we have to be friends with everybody we sponsor. Listen, if Bill Wilson had won. I'd just be friends with everybody he sponsored. He'd have said that. Now, I've got to tell you guys, there's some men that I've sponsored over the years that I've known in AA that I fell head over heels in love with and to this day would take a bullet for. But I've got to tell you guys, I've sponsored some guys that give me the heebie-jeebies. They do. They just flat give me the creeps. I don't even want to be in the same room with them. But it doesn't matter. But see, because of the way that the program sets up, the way this thing sets up, I can love them enough to do what? I can love them enough to carry them through this work. So they can have their own experience with God. So they can walk out free and clear of this thing and go out and help some other guy that gives them heebie-jeebies. I mean, the thing of it, I know, but sometimes if we buy into this idea that we have to have these long-term, long-distance relationships with these guys and it always has to be warm and fuzzy. The problem is that you'll start concentrating on friendship and you won't be concentrating on the things that you need to tell these folks about the book and the steps and their own arrogance and their own pride and their own ego and their own blah, blah, blah. It just goes on and on and on. It doesn't mean you won't fall in love with a bunch of these folks. But you won't be friends with all of them. Okay, so if we can follow that like this, some of you guys who sponsored two people and you're in love with them, you disagree with me already. That's okay. But I'm just saying, guys, what happens to you when you get to a place where you've sponsored hundreds of them? You see? You'll need it. Oh, you can't sponsor that many. Sure you can. How many of you guys have kids, little kids? A whole bunch of us. Okay. Or maybe they're big kids now. But they were little kids. They were kids at one time. Okay, listen. Sponsorship is like raising kids. It's like little bitty guys. You've got a little bitty poot like Adam Kelly, his little son, who's two years old, and it's this number right here. He walks over here. We're walking over here. He walks over here. I mean, you just don't take your eye off of him. You don't let this little guy run free because I know his daddy. You don't let him run free. Okay? But that's the way it is with little kids. You're just shepherding them wherever they go. Now, as this little kid gets a little older. You begin to kind of back away. You guys, by the time your kids got into junior high, most of you guys were able to go like this. With my daughters, I could sit back like this, and I could just kind of look at them. When a guy would walk in, it would change completely. But when they're all by themselves like this, I would just kind of look at them like this. But I'm watching everything that they do, but I'm just at some distance like this. And everything in me says, go where they go, do what they do. I mean, just be real protective. But you can't do that. You can't keep doing that. By the time these little rascals get to be high school, you better be able to say, sit over there like this and just watch them from the door jam. And just watch them. By now, they should be able to operate on their own. You're tweaking a little bit here. You're tweaking a little bit there. You understand what I'm saying? This is exactly the way sponsorship looks like. Could I start 30 men at one time? Only if I wanted to die and kill some of them. I mean, no. You can't do that. You don't want to do that. You don't. Nobody's got that kind of stamina like this. However, could you effectively sponsor 30 men? In a heartbeat. You bet you could. Because what you're doing is you're starting new guys. You're getting them healthy. You're starting new guys. You're getting them healthy. And those brothers in the deal are helping these guys, brand new guys over here. And pretty soon, that lineage is helping each other. And they see each other across the room. And they look at each other like this. And listen, let me tell you something. It's the coolest thing in the world to walk into that meeting with 250 people in the room. And I'll look at the men that I sponsor in that room. And I'm like this. And they just kind of look up. We don't have to talk. We don't have to do anything like that. They just look up like this. And they look over there like this. And they point. I know exactly what they're talking about. We don't have to be talking about this stuff. They don't have to have a bunch of goofy FaceTime. I'm accessible. They can get a hold of me anytime they want to. We can talk about it like this. I'm not dodging or ducking any of them. But I got more important things on my plate. I got brand new sweating guys that are hurting like a big dog that need help. Let's go get those guys. You see? I want healthy men that are willing to get in there and go do the deal. Now, just for the sake of it, let's play this game for a second. What happens if you've got a guy? That you're downrange. You've been sponsoring for a year. And he's still doing goofy things in the meeting. It's a bloodbath. It's a spank-a-thon. We deal with this guy. Because not everybody gets it the first time around. Sometimes you have to go like this. And then they come sit down. And they make jokes when we're walking out of the room. But they don't make jokes when they walk back in. Because the correction has been made. It's swift. And it's sure. And it's not mean or anything like this. It's just like. Hey, I know you think this is a game slick. But this is life and death for some of those people in there. If you want to play life and game, get out. If you want to stay here and save some lives, come on. It's just like that. And then I smile at him. And I hug him. And I tell him I love him. And we'll go. And if he wants to get all bowed up about it, screw him. I'm so tired of walking a line on eggshells around people with sensitive feelings who don't get this deal. You understand what I'm saying? I want these guys to get in and enjoy it and see it from my perspective of how cool it is to affect and change people's lives. So Clifford makes me go do 12-step work. I don't want to do it, but I'm going to do it. And once I did it, I was completely altered. I mean, I'm telling you guys, I was completely changed. It changed. All of a sudden, everything connected up. The steps, the history, the old guys, the new guys, the whole program, everything. I just. All of a sudden felt like I was a part of it. Instead of being over here on a fence, standing and watching you guys do what we do, I'm in it, living it. And it was just the, it was just an amazing deal like this. So I'll tell you this story, but this, this guy, I'll tell you two quick stories and three. No, just three. No, I'm just kidding. Two, two stories and two stories and we're smoking. And, and so the, um, I'm at Homer bound that night. It's just funny. All this seems to revolve around Homer bound. There were. 50 some odd places that we're carrying the message, but these seem to this, that was kind of a, kind of a magic place for a lot of years. And so I'm, I'm sitting there like this and I'm doing this talk and the podiums down on the floor and this guy walks in and there's a couple of, they're bringing some detoxing guys in and pajamas. And then they're bringing some other guys in like this. And there's probably 60 people down there, male girls and guys. And this guy walks in and he, I mean, he's just been, is it like his face has been kicked in? And I went, Holy cow. And I don't even want to look at him. I'm telling you, this is the ugliest guy I've ever seen in my whole life. And he's like, Oh, I don't even want to look at him. His face, this, this, this cat was living on the street in Oak Cliff. And he was sleeping in the back of a pickup. Oak Cliff is right on the edge of the Trinity river bottom and it's full of mosquitoes as big as Coke cans. It's an ugly place to be. Okay. I mean, the area is pretty, but it's, it's just, it can, in the summer it can be brutal. And this cat was living in the back of a pickup truck. He was sleeping in the back of it in the middle of the summer and his, the skeeters had eaten this poor guy alive. He was just, he was. Red hair, ugly face and big skeeter bumps all over him like this. And so, and, and, and he's just, he was sleeping in the back of this pickup truck. He's sleeping face down on his stomach. And some gang guys had come by down the street and saw him back there like this and decided to roll him. And they grabbed him by the ankles and pulled him out of that pickup by his ankles. But he was flipped over. And the first thing that hit the ground was his face. And buddy, let me tell you something from pickup height, you wouldn't think it'd do that much damage, but it'd tell you it broke his nose, broke his teeth, broke his chin, pushed his teeth up. It's through his gums. And, and, and then, and he's got this flaming red hair and, and, and skeeter bites all over it. And I'm telling you, I just kind of went, Oh, like this. And I'm just, I didn't even want to look over there like this. I do my whole, I do my whole talk. Like I'm talking to Jeff like this and I'm just like this. And these guys over here, you guys could have been on fire over here and I never would. If I didn't smell you, I wouldn't even know you had a problem over here. Cause it's just like, and I, and I'm thinking, okay, if I can play this right, as soon as I, we, as soon as we finished like this, I had a lighter in my pocket like this and I started scouts on her. I started lighting my lighter in the building, hoping that somebody would run up with a cigarette so I could start talking to him. Okay. I don't even smoke. I just used to carry the lighter. Okay. And so, so, so I wanted to do anything I could to not look at this guy cause he's a mess man. And sure enough, God in his infinite wisdom. So I hear this thing go, and I went, huh? And I turned around and like this and I look and, and Terry's standing. And a guy that's with him, that's his buddy who can talk better. I said, what did he say? And he said, he wants you to be a sponsor. And I went, of course he does. I was just like, why me? God, I've been good. I'm down here every Friday, every Wednesday. I don't, I deserve better. But he didn't, he didn't, he didn't let me do that. He's so we start this deal. I won't go to all the details, but I want, there's two things I want to key things. I want to tell you. I want to tell you about this deal. We got through the work and two weeks he's doing his fifth step. There used to be a park out there right over by that around the corner from this place. And I used to do most of my fifth steps with these guys out in that park. Cause we could be the, the, the staff trusted me with them and we could take them out there and smell a little fresh air, get next to God and do this inventory like that. And it would be okay. So, so I'm still thinking, I gotta tell you, I still can't look at this guy because he's just so offensive. He's just brutalized. And, and so we're, we're, we're doing this fifth step. It had been raining in Dallas for some reason or another for like three days. We hadn't even seen the sun and it's like at five o'clock in the afternoon and I'm facing east. He's facing west on this park bench like this, this table, picnic table. He's looking over my shoulder right into where the sun would be if the sun was out. And just as the sun's going down, it breaks out of the clouds. Now we finished doing this cat's inventory and we're all done. He sees it. And it's one of these inventories that goes like this. I say something and he goes, Oh, but don't forget. See how selfish I was here. I go. Yeah. Terry, I see how selfish you were right there. I mean, he's getting this. You understand what I'm saying? I mean, he's, he's, I'm, he's real proactive in his own stuff. And so just about the time that we get done with this thing like this, he says, man, I'm a mess, aren't I? And I said, Terry, you are, but we're going to get through it. And he said, man, I don't know if I can ever, ever do what you guys do. He said, I'm just so, so ugly. And I just said, Terry, we're going to fix the ugly part. They can, they got medical stuff to fix a lot of this thing. You're going to be fine. And about that time, the sun broke out of the cloud underneath the cloud. And it just goes like this across that park. And it's shining right into Terry's eyes. And I'm telling you right now that that red hair was like, it was on fire. And I'm telling you, his eyes were as green as emeralds. I've never, I swear, I'll have to shake it out in therapy someday. I've never seen a man so pretty in my whole life. It's like I was talking to an angel. You understand what I'm saying? I was just like, holy cow. And I just never looked at him the same since then. I always just looked at him like he was an angel sitting there talking to me, man. I just like, so tell me about Michael and them other angels. Y'all carry them big old swords? I mean, I just, you know what I'm saying? It's just, wow. Wow. So, so Terry is with me like this. He's always with me. It's a, it's a two hour bus ride from, from the hood to where we have our meeting. And my deal with Terry was, if you'll get to the meeting, I'll get you home. That was the deal. And so he was always there. He'd go to the deal like this and I'd take him home. We'd talk about stuff like this. And I'm just, I kind of fell in love with this guy. And it just like, he was just always there. He, he comes up to me one day and he says, I need to borrow five bucks. And I said, I don't have five bucks. And Terry, I don't, you know, I don't owe money to drunks anymore. And he said, I just, I just need some money. And I had a $20 bill. I said, here, take the 20. I think, and he's going to go do something else with it. You know, bus fares or something. And he said, he said, I'll see you Thursday and pay you back. And I said, okay. Thursday, I get, when I get there to set the meeting up, which is like a, almost two hours. Two hours early, he's waiting for me. And he's got a little white bucket with a squeegee sticking out of the top of it like this. And a little, a little sponge looking thing. And, and he hands me this little hand done business card. And it says T and L and something or another, two more initials, window washing. And I said, Terry, what is this? And he said, I'm, I'm going into business. And I said, doing what? And he said, well, we're washing windows. He said, we take the bus over here. He's now moved into some long-term care at, at, at Homeward Bound. And he said, I've got a couple other guys that are with me. And we're, we're washing windows. He's over in the, in the rich folks neighborhood over where our meetings are in that neck of town. And we're washing windows during the day. And we'll just stay over there and wait for you to get there for the meeting like this. And it, and it works out great. And he's got this little posse of guys running around. This guy's not probably three months sober at the time when he's doing this. Okay. And he's got these guys. And I'm, I'm telling you, they're out there going through their equipment, looking, getting ready, like it's splitting stuff up. And I'm listening to him talk big book. And I'm listening to him. And I'm just going like, what's coming out of this kid? I mean, I'm telling you, he's working with these guys. He's teaching them big book. And he's been in the trenches three weeks. I mean, three months. And I'm just like, this is something, man. Well, he, he stays for a while. And he comes in one day and he hands me this card. And he says, what do you think about that? And I said, what is it? And he said, it's a CDL something or another. And I said, I tell you, I don't know. What is it? And he said, it's my commercial driver's license. I'm going back on the road. Oh, man. And I, I got to tell you, I'm not happy. I'm just like, and I'm thinking, I got to tell him I'm not happy. And I'm going to tell him he can't do it. And I'm going to tell him all the things. But he wants to do this real bad. And I said, who is going to wash windows? He said, all my, my, my guys, I got this little posse and they're going to do it. And it's going to be great. And I said, well, all right. All right. You stay in touch. Okay. A couple of weeks later, he's gone. He's on the road. And I said, you got to call me and keep in touch. So I know what's going on. And so I don't hear from him. Natch. And I'm just stewing and stewing and stewing. Weeks go by, weeks go by, weeks go by. Probably two months out. I don't hear from him at all. I get this call about 10 o'clock at night. Now, listen, if you sponsor anybody you know, nobody calls at 10 o'clock at night and it'd be good. I mean, at least my guys. I mean, I tell them going in, if you call me at 10 o'clock, you better be dead. I mean, really, really. Upside down in a car calling me because otherwise it ain't going to fly. I mean, I get up. I'm at work at 430. So he calls and I said, where are you? And he said, well, I'm in Kentucky someplace. And I said, well, what are you doing there? And he said, well, here's the problem. And he said, we dropped a load off. And on Friday, but we missed the people that we were supposed to unload with. So I'm stuck here over the weekend. I said, yeah, what's the problem? And he said, well, he said, it's a weird deal. He said, we had breakfast this morning in a coffee shop and we're talking and there's some local guys there that used to have a big book meeting there. And they used to have it right there in the coffee shop. But they don't have an AA group there anymore. It just kind of fell apart. And I said, Terry, I'm real tired and I'm not following the. Just tell me what the problem is. And he said, well, I'm just you think we could start a meeting here? And I went. You got. A big book. Yep. Well, I guess so. And he hangs up. I go, no, no, Terry, Terry, don't hang up. I didn't finish talking to him yet. But he went in and he goes to do this deal. And I'm thinking this is too weird. About two weeks later, I get another call on a Friday night late again. And I pick up the telephone and it's Terry again. I said, Terry, first off, don't you hang up until I say we're ready to hang up. OK. And he goes, OK, OK. Hey, listen, I got this problem. I said, what's the problem? He said, well, listen, I'm up in Maine. And you know what, Myers? They don't have a big book study up here either. They don't have any kind of AA in this little town. I said, no kidding. And he goes, you don't reckon I could start one up here, do you? And I went, Terry, maybe. And he said, OK, I got to go do some work. And he hung up the phone. And I go, oh, no. And so what began to happen was over a period of time like this, what this cat was doing is he was making this long haul route that went up through Kentucky, back up into Maine, back up by Halifax. And he turned around and he come right back down through the Dallas area like this. And what? What he's doing is he's buying big books and he's getting big books from various places like that. I must have given him two cases of books. And what he was doing was he was just starting meetings wherever he could. Now, the fact that this guy would be doing this is not so unusual. What's unusual about this thing comes from two different directions. One, you've got this little busted up knucklehead who had every excuse in the world not to do this. I'm not too smart. I'm ugly. I have this. I'm living on the street. You understand what I'm saying? He's got every reason why he can't do this. The other part of this thing that always gets me about this thing is, is that, is that on his own, he decided that this is what he was going to do, that he was going to get in the trenches. Nobody had to cajole him. Nobody had to say, this is what we need to do. He simply knew that there was a need and he could fulfill the need because he understood the text. He could understand that thing, you see? And it just kind of, it just kind of freaks me out. I've got guys that I've sponsored for years and years and years that I can't get to crawl off in the trench. I just can't get them to do it. They just, they just can't. They just can't. They just won't. They're content. They're happy. Their wives love them again. They're, they're sleeping in the good end of the house again. And that's enough. They, they won't come. I mean, you always get this, this guy's, we're going to, guys, we're going to go out. We got, we got gigs every night. I'll be out there Thursday night and Friday night at this place like that. We, some of you guys that are looking for a place to hook up, come out there. And these guys will always come up after the meeting. And these are men I sponsor. They'll come up after the meeting. I'll go, well, I, I really want to get involved with you, Myers. But, but you're talking about this weekend, right? This Friday and Sunday. Yeah. Every Thursday and Friday, we're, that's, we're doing this gig. Oh, well, man, I can't, but I can't do it. But I got a thing I got to do. But one of these, one of these weekends, I'm going to, I'm going to come out there. And we've been doing this. We've been playing this same stuff for six years on one guy. He just like, he just, it's like, it's like, he just can't. And, but it's the difference. Like we talked about earlier. It's the difference between talking about sex and having sex. It's the difference between an experiential relationship and, and not having one. It's just crazy. One more little deal. There was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, there was a, a guy that used to go to our group. And, and this, I want to tie this together here in a minute. And you'll see what I'm talking about, why I'm, why I'm telling you both of these stories like this. This, this girl was a member of our group for a good bit of time. I, I'm, there's a lot of it I can't tell you because of the nature of the stuff that happened to her. I, suffice to say that in the whole time I've been in AA, I've never run across anybody, male or female, that had been as abused as this girl was. I mean, we're talking ritual kind of abuse. It was pretty ugly. And ugly enough that I, that when I found out about it, it just made me sick. And I, and I, I just, a daddy can take just so much, man. And it was just killing me. And so the, the, so this, this girl comes for a while and she's worked out this deal. She's a single mom. I mean, she's a single gal and she wants to adopt a baby. And she's worked out this thing. She's brilliant smart, wicked smart. And she wants to adopt this baby. And so she finally finagled this deal. I'm not, I don't know any of the details, but she finally worked this thing out so she could go get this little kid from overseas. And so. During this period of time, she got real busy doing other stuff. She, making plans, getting the house set up, getting her job set up, getting all this stuff. I mean, she had a lot on her plate. I get that. And so, but, but she drifted away from us and she drifted to another AA club where they, she met, she'd meet with them a couple of times a week. And it was one of those kind of typical Dallas meeting makers make it kind of, kind of clubs. They don't know, just a different club. And the weird, so where I come into the deal is, is that I get this. I get this call one evening from this lady and she says, do you know this girl? And I said, yes. And she said, she keeps asking for you. Can you come see her? And I said, where is she? And she says, she's at home. She's in pretty bad shape. And I went drunk. And she goes, well, no, just come look. And so I came. So I went over to her house and she'd had some kind of weird psychotic break. She'd had a lot of mental stuff going on. And I, and I, and I knew about that. And so anyway, I walk in, I walk into this room. And the last thing I do is I walk in. The lights are all turned off. And there's, there's, there's 10 or 15 women in the house. And there's a couple of guys out front smoking cigarettes. And then, and then me in the bedroom with her. And, and there's two or three in the girls in the room with her. And as I walk in, she recognizes me. And she, she, she sets up and she grabs me. And buddy, I'm telling you, she's just a mess. She hadn't bathed in days. And she's just laying in her own filth. And she's got this nightgown on and she's just a mess. And, and she's just struggling to, to, to mentally. There's a lot of people out there. There's a lot of stuff going on. And I said, are you okay? And she said, no. And, and I said, let's get you to the hospital. That's where you need to be. And she said, I can't go to the hospital because if I go to the hospital, they're going to take my baby away. And I said, sugar, we, you got to go. I mean, we don't, we're not, we're not skilled to help you with this stuff. I don't know what else to do. And she said, well, we could pray. And I said, yes, we could do that. And so we pray and, and, and I'm looking around. Now the other girls in this thing, they don't know me from Adam. And, and, and, and I'm looking around. But they're kind of looking at me like this. And I said, guys, I tell you what, give me a couple of minutes because I got to figure out what to do here. And they said, we're, we're handling it just fine. And I said, I know, but she seems to be struggling. So let me just, and so I walked out in the backyard for a couple of minutes and I'm sitting there praying and I'm thinking about what it is I'm supposed to do. And I don't have any direction. I don't know what to do. She needs to be in the hospital. And so I walked back in and as I'm walking back through the door, I had this crazy thought. It was the dangest thing. It was just like one of these, are you, are you kidding me? And, and the, here's what the thought was. She needs to go do some 12 step work. And I went, no way. So I walked back in. I said, listen, I need to get you dressed because I got some place to take you. And there's a, there's a, the deal down at a treatment place that had a female side, a women's side and a, and a men's side. And the meetings were concurrent. And I was going to go down and do the men, the men's side of the deal like this. And there were some other women in our group that was going to do the other side. And, and I said, I've already, I'll call. I'll call these other girls and let them know that we're coming. But I need you to come with me for a little bit and we're going to go carry the message. And she looked at me and her eyes got about this big around like this. Now you, this little girl is psychotic laying there in bed. I said, you got to get cleaned up and let's go do this. I think this is going to be important. She goes, okay. And I said, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to walk outside for a minute. And gals, if y'all would get her cleaned up and they're looking at me going, we ain't touching her. And I said, somebody's got to get her cleaned up or I'll put her in the shower myself. No, no, no, no. We'll do it. We'll, we'll do it. And so they get her cleaned up and, and, and she walks out and, and she's just got sweat stuff on. And she walks out and she gets in my car and I drive her to Oak Cliff and we, we, we get in the parking lot. And I introduce her to the other girls or reintroduce her to these girls newer. And I said, you guys just go do what you can do. And I'll see you in 55 minutes. And so I, I, man, I can barely concentrate on what I'm doing, knowing what's going on like this. Am I, am I, and I, and I got to tell you guys that the, the tone of that house. When I walked out with her was like, I, they would have killed me if they could have got their hands on me. It would, it, it didn't, it didn't meet any kind of, of, of, of acceptance. We get to the end of this deal like this and I, I cut my part short. Somebody else finished up and I went down in the parking lot and I'm just kind of wringing my hands like this, standing in the parking lot waiting for her to come out pretty soon. The door opens up and I watched these girls walking out of the deal like this. And I walked out and I looked at her like this and she kind of looks at me and she shows me a peace sign like this. And she smiled. And I went, hmm. And I walked over towards her like this and I said, what's up? And she said, man, I'm not going to, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I'm perfect, but I'm going to be okay. And, and I said, what happened in there? And she said, well, ask one of them. I'm going to go sit in the car for a minute. And one of the other girls, I said, what happened in there? And she said, it was the damnedest thing. She said, we were throwing our best stuff in there and we couldn't get anybody to talk to us. Everybody wanted to talk to her. Everybody wanted to. And she was covered up with people talking. And at the end of this deal, she just, she just kind of like snapped out of it. She just walked out. She was just busy getting out of her head trying to help somebody else. Now, listen, I'm no physician and I'm not suggesting that you do this all the time. I'm just trying to explain my, my, my reason for telling you the story is, is that sometimes guys, I think that we, we, we soft sell the idea of how effective 12 step work really is. I think sometimes that we, we manage to, to, to discount the impact of what it is that we're asked to do. She did indeed get better. She did indeed go to wherever it was overseas to get her baby and she's doing fine. And, and I, I see her pretty regular and she's special times 10, special times 10. And I just, if you've held that at distance, stop. Let's, let's, let's collectively get off into the trench and try to do something to help. As takers, we're just useless. We're just useless. Once we, once we decide to do something, once we decide to actually step out on faith and do what we, we tell ourselves we can't do, amazing things happen. And we see this stuff all the time. And if we had a chorus of men and women in the trenches singing that song, I think probably what would happen is we would swing the tide and we would get more people understanding the nature of why we're here. You see what I'm saying? At the end of the night when you're sitting there on the edge of your bed and you've had your last glass of iced tea or you smoked your last cigarette. Or you've done whatever you do right before you go to bed. How amazing it is to be able to just sit back, take a deep breath and know that God is good. And that this program works. And that we can, with our efforts, change and affect lives. And sometimes we can save those lives. Pretty powerful stuff. Guys, I love you all. And if there's anything that we can ever do to stay connected, Facebook is indeed a great thing. There's some little articles down here. That Angie made for us. I sent her some stuff that might be of interest for you to read. What I ask more than anything is that whatever you do, if you get out there and take some heat, call me. I'll talk you through it. If you get out there and you're confused, call us. Let's try to stay connected on this deal. Let's try to stay. One of the greatest, greatest things about this whole program is getting to know people in other places. And I get on the telephone and somebody calls and says, I got a sister. She's in Orange County. You know anybody out there that can help? Oh, yeah. You bet I do. You see what I'm saying? This is the way that we stay connected and this is the way we change stuff. For you guys that I didn't get a chance to meet, I'm honored to know you. Honored to know you. And honored to be in the same room with you. And I'm so grateful. Thanks for letting us come. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.