Step Workshop – Part 2 of 3 – 2022 – Mark T.

ideas on recovery based upon where you got sober, maybe the lineage that you're in. I know that we've got at least one member of the clergy. We've got some members of the professional community, right? There's some different ideas about recovery, how we all got here. I think the biggest noose around many of us are next is that we think we know more than we know, right? I know with myself, I sponsor a lot of people. I've taken a lot of people through the steps. And there's sometimes a little bit of arrogance and closed-mindedness that can go with that, right? Like I said, this invites each and everyone to have a clean slate and open mind for a new experience today. So a few disclaimers. This is not an AA meeting, okay? This is a 12-step meeting of recovery. This is an open to other addictions. I will be talking about my relationship with the steps in regards to Alcoholics Anonymous, because that's where I am from. But this can apply to any other affliction as well. this is not meant to be as a replacement for one-on-one work with a sponsor okay we're going to be touching on a variety of things but the absolute magic happens in here uh with one-to-one work with the sponsor this is Not Meant To Be As A Replacement For That um we will be using the fourth edition of Alcoholics Anonymous as a reference point right so you know if you were got sober through the 12 and 12, or if you got sober using some different literature. We're not referencing any of that today, okay? Alcoholics Anonymous is how the first 100 did the steps, and that's our reference point, right? Due to time constraints, we'll be cherry-picking certain excerpts from the big book. We'm not going to have time to go through everything, right, so I'm going to be cherry picking certain excerpts through the big books as we go through this process. And probably as much as anything, I am not a spokesman for Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm not a spokeswoman for any 12-step fellowship. I am here to share my experience and if my experience doesn't jive with your experience, that's okay. Right? I am going to share what helped get me sober and like I said, I might be wrong. You might be right. We both might be wrong right i'm not gonna i've given up on that battle right what we're not going to do here today though is make this an open forum for debate if someone doesn't agree with some of the things that we're doing or that i'm talking about um we can chatter uh at the break we can chat after the meeting right uh i'm okay with that but just simply we're nicht going to have the time to be debating back and forth well this is how i did it and this ishow they do in calgary or you know, whatever it might be, right? This is just me sharing my experience and I'm not an expert or a spokesman. All right, so welcome to the greatest show on earth, Alcoholics Anonymous. It really is. I want to share a few things regarding the big book and some of the history around the big book because I don't think people realize just how powerful of a program that this is and just how well that it works this uh this big book this blue book there has been 50 million copies of it that have sold worldwide right absolutely amazing how many copies are out distributed in distribution of this uh there's been a number of 12-step fellowships anonymous fellowships that have adopted the 12 steps and the 12 traditions from alcoholics anonymous um anyone want to throw a guess out there how many 12-step fellowships anonymous fellowships okay we got 130 anyone going to go higher lower 265 hey that's close 227 anonymous fellowshipsy have adopted the 12 steps and 12 traditions of alcoholics anonymous right powerful powerful program now the reason that we're not a catch-all right what we found is that alcoholics anonymous has a singleness of purpose right it's for alcoholics treating people with alcoholism um there'll be a number of other 12-step fellowships out there you know variety different drugs gambling sex um there's clutters anonymous there's all sorts of stuff out there right but the reason we're not a catch-all is that we find that we need to have that idea of around identification okay even though that the the intent is good and i've seen some meetings like that it's like we we're here to help everybody right and that's a well that's well meaning we want to help but what we end up finding is that nobody gets helped right not only do the alcoholics not stay sober but the drug addicts or the gambler or whatever it might be right don't stay sober as well so the only requirement for it to be a membership of Alcoholics Anonymous is a desire to stop drinking now do many alcoholics have other afflictions yeah right absolutely right I qualify for a variety of other 12-step fellowships. Gambling was a big thing for me, right? There was lots of drugs. But when I'm in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, out of respect for the fellowship I'm in, I announce myself as an alcoholic, right. In a meeting of Cocaine Anonymous I announce myself as an addict, right, out of respect for the fellowship, right because I belong in both so. Alcoholics Anonymous or the big book was named by Time Magazine as one of the most influential books written in english the library of congress named it as one of the books that helped shape america and this is arguably the most important thing that's happened in the 20th century right like millions of people have been saved by the message in this big book and the program of action that's in this Big Book okay um the big thing from today is i'm going to be taking a group through the steps over the course of four weeks. Today is steps one, two, and three. In particular, the importance of step one. I want to make sure everybody leaves here today to know exactly what it means to suffer from the disease of alcoholism. Okay? I'm not here to convince anybody that they suffer from alcoholism, I'm going to put some information on the table and then you get to decide yes i have this and no i don't have this right um but there's a big difference between an actual real alcoholic and a problem drinker and we're going to put some information on the cable that helped make you make me decide for yourself and actually what it means to suffer from the disease of alcoholism um if you have this i want to stress the hopelessness of your condition, right? There's some bad news today if you have alcoholism, okay? But there's also good news, okay? We're also here to share hope that there is indeed a way out, okay? And I'm going to probably bust a couple, at least a couple myths today. I'm not sure what I'm gonna bust them but they're gonna be bust, okay. Some of the stuff that you may have heard around the rooms in regards to maybe the speed of going through the steps, maybe some idea that you're always going to be sick. I'm going to address those. I'm not exactly sure, but they're going to get hit. And my reference point will always be the big book, okay? Just a little background on my own story. Alcoholics Anonymous was the last stop on the block for me, right? always make the joke that I spent $50,000 on this big book, right? And that's light. You know, I spent a lot of money on treatment centers, on doctors, on counselors, on therapists. Tony Robbins got some of that cash, right. This was indeed the last stop in the block but I was also a chronic relapser in Alcoholics Anonymous for seven years. I know some other people have had the same kind of experience as me, right? I was in and out, in and out, thinking I was an AA, but I was being given the message of just go to meetings, just go to meetings. And I stayed sick in AA for a long time. I almost died getting here and I almost died in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. And you know throughout the process I'm going to be touching on that experience and what I did about it. so the question often comes I'm just going to touch on this briefly we'll be hitting us more when we get to step 12 but it's exactly what exactly is a sponsor okay now I guess putting we got some new faces today did maybe just by a show of hands who's in their first first one year recovery special hands Wow awesome at least half the room fantastic okay so I want to just briefly touch on what exactly a sponsor is and what a sponsor is not at least on how it was taught to me okay what a sponsor isn't is that we're just simply not qualified for this kind of stuff right sponsor isn's your therapist it isn't your mother, your father. A sponsor isn't to buy you cigarettes, be your chauffeur, be your babysitter or be your higher power, right? We're not qualified, simply not qualified. Right? What is a sponsor? The sponsors to take you through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous at a pretty good pace, get you through spiritual experience to have the obsession to drink removed and then to help you help others okay as you go out there and become a sponsor and help other alcoholics all right does any one well let's try it this way anyone available to sponsor please raise your hand okay we've got a lot of people if you need a sponsor there's no reason you should be leaving here today uh without one okay you can hang out afterwards and you know chat with a few people so we're going to be taking somebody or everybody through the steps here we're gonna get right into the work here right away um where do i want to start here when should somebody be taking the steps immediately i agree what else there's a little bit more to it agreed so all that's true the literature says do you want what we have and then the key part is and are you willing to go to any lengths then you're willing to take certain steps okay as a sponsor I have anyone that I sponsor sign the open page of the big book there's a little blank page at the beginning and that's a question I asked anybody the two I ask two questions as a sponsor to anyone that is sponsored before we get started hey are you willing to go to any links to get sober and if the answer is no we're done right there's just there's no reason to go any further you know and then the second question I ask anybody is once we're done this process, I fully expect you to be sponsoring other alcoholics. And if the answer is no, we're done. Now it doesn't mean I'm not nice to them at meetings, right? But there's just, I'm Not going to participate in someone else's suicide, right, if they're not willing to do what they need to do. Like I said, I'll be friendly with them at readings. But, you know, it's just not going to work, right? And a lot of this willingness stems off step one. Do you have alcoholism or not? Right? If you get a really, really clear idea that you're suffering from a fatal chronic and progressive illness, the willingness to go through with the rest of the work tends to be a lot stronger than if you're coming in here just trying to avoid some consequences, maybe trying to hang on to a marriage, hang on to a job, whatever it might be. We get that a lot. People don't really want to do the work. They just want to get the consequences or people off their back, right? When somebody wants recovery as much as they want oxygen, then there's a good chance, okay? So let's just get right into the meat and potatoes of this, and I'm not sure how this is going to work with the camera, but you can just mark down if you're taking notes here that alcoholism is a three-part problem. We're going to do some cherry-picking in the book, a few readings, and then we're going to steer it back and try to make this interactive and just see if you suffer from this or not. So the first thing is, number one, physical, okay? The first part of this illness, physical allergy to alcohol. And in brackets, this means an allergy. I'm going to... Probably no one will be able to read this. Phenomenon of craving. That's what that says. If you can read my writing, probably not. Okay? I have a physical allergy to alcohol. We're going to touch on a couple readings and then we're going go back to each individual here and see if this actually applies to you. Okay? So we're going to read the first paragraph of The Doctor's Opinion, XXVIII. If we can find that. I said we'll hit a few readings and then we'll steer it back and see if it applies to the individuals in the room here. And again, you can sub in the different names here. Like I said, the big book is used in a number of other fellowships. if your issue is a different drug, then just sub out that drug for the word alcohol. XXVIII, we're going to read the first paragraph, okay? And I'll read this. We believe and so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy, that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never, you can highlight that word, never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. So already here they're introducing this as an abstinence-based program, okay? This is not harm reduction. There's some other programs out there that do harm reduction, that is not Alcoholics Anonymous, that does not 12-step, okay and I'm not going to weigh in on what other programs are doing but it's not what we do here okay these allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all and once having formed the habit they cannot break it once having lost their self-confidence their chance upon the reliance upon human things their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve okay we're gonna hit one more reading then we're going to come back and discuss this as a group let's go to page XXX and we're gonna read the second last paragraph here all these and many others have but one symptom in common okay so this is the thing that every alcoholic real alcoholic has in common all these and many others have one symptom in common they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving this phenomenon as we suggested may be the manifestation of an allergy that differentiates these people and sets them apart as a distinct entity it has never been by any treatment with which we are familiar permanently eradicated, okay? So you got this for life. If you have it, you have it for life, right? I announce myself as a recovered alcoholic. It has nothing to do with the physical part of this illness. If you gotthis, you gotthis, right ? Doesn't matter how much work you do around here, doesn't matterhow much time you have in, doesn'tmatterhowmuchtherapyyouhave. If you've got this, you'vegotthis. You're genetically wired in this fashion. Alright? The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence, okay? So now they're putting an exclamation mark on the idea of what this is. This is an abstinency-based program. If you have an allergy, right, you can't just put it this way. If I got an allergy to strawberries, I can't just have the odd strawberry. I can'T taper down on my strawberries, right? The idea is around permanent abstinents. So what they're saying here is that the alcoholic roughly applies to about 10% of the population. we process ethyl alcohol in a different fashion than the average person and how that looks like in layman's terms is is um my plan is to have one or two drinks right i put alcohol in my system my system processes the ethyol alcohol differently than the averaged person and i break out in a yearning for more alcohol right now they called this a phenomenon this book was written back in 1930 uh 35 distributed in 1939. they called it phenomenon at the time is because at that time they weren't able to prove up metabolism science actually has backed up this theory the pancreas and the liver process alcohol differently with an alcoholic than the average person right there's some really really good articles around this but at the time. They called it phenomenon because they couldn't prove up metabolism. So what that means is my plan is to go out and have one or two drinks, right? My plan is to have one of two and I have five, I have 10, I have 20, I had 20 and call my dealer. I have 20 and call the dealer and go to the casino end up on an airplane? I don't know, right? I am not in charge. Now, I used to get the odd win, but it got a lot worse as I got older. I process booze differently than the average person. I process ethyl alcohol differently thanthe average person, okay? So steering that back to everybody in the room, again if you've got a different drug of choice then apply this to your drug of choice. Has anyone ever intended on going out and having one drink or one snort or one bump or whatever it might have been, and significantly overshot the mark? All right. Okay. Hey, two hands. Some people put up two hands, so this is the physical part of this illness, okay? Like I said, I got this part for life. It doesn't matter how much work I do. It doesn't no matter how many people I sponsor. I can never safely drink alcohol. I don't know what's going to happen, okay? That's not what it when we refer to as we refer to ourselves as recovered alcoholics. It does not apply to the physical part of this illness, okay? So by the show of hands, and I really want to stress, you know, look back at your experience. I really wanna stress the importance of having this belief not just on a mental level but deep down inside of you, deep down in your core. By a show of hand, who believes to their deepest inner core that they suffer from the physical allergy just by show of hands okay so number two now if this was a one-part illness it would be pretty simple to stop drinking the second part of this illness is the obsession of the mind like I said if I had an allergy to strawberries simple solution just stop I wouldn't be trying to figure out maybe I should have strawberries on Sundays or just on the weekends or different brands of strawberries, right? You know, if I truly understand that I have an allergy to something, I cut it out. I stop, right. So alcoholism lives right between the ears, right Alcoholism centers in the mind. Now again, our reference point is the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. We're going to touch on a few readings and we're going steer it back to everyone in the room and see if it applies to you. Page 23, first paragraph. So these observations would be academic and pointless if our friend never took the first drink, right? Simple, it'd be over. Thereby setting this terrible cycle in motion. If you've got a highlighter, highlight this sentence. therefore the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than his body this is where your alcoholism lives it's in your brain between your ears okay if you ask him why he started on the last bender the chances he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis sometimes these excuses have a certain plausibility but none of them really make sense in the light of the havoc of an alcoholic's drinking bug creates. They sound like the philosophy of a man who, having a headache, beats himself on the head with a hammer so he can't feel the ache. If you draw this fallacious reasoning to the attention of an alcoholic, he will laugh it off or become irritated and refuse to talk. Okay? I imagine some of that language sounds familiar. We'll do a couple more readings and then we'll kind of steer it back to each of us as individuals. let's go to page 30 first paragraph most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics no person likes to think he is bodily and mentally right the two parts different from his fellows therefore it is not surprising from our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people the idea that somehow someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity and death, okay? I see a lot of people die from this illness, you know, and they know they shouldn't be drinking or using or whatever it is, okay. A couple more readings and we'll steer back. Now, just to note, anytime you see anything in the big book in italics, pay extra attention to it means it's important and we're going to go to page 24 second paragraph my sponsor he lives out in texas and he refers to this as the secret handshake of alcoholics anonymous okay the fact that is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice and drink our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent we are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory and the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago we are without defense against the first drink okay if somebody says to me i chose to quit drinking congratulations good for you by definition you're not an alcoholic okay you might be problem drinker you might have had a problem with alcohol but by definition what it's telling me here is we've lost the power of choice and drink right it's almost like a sober blackout like a blank spot a strange mental blank spot it's just like all of a sudden I'm back at it again it's like I thought you quit drinking I'm like I did too right yet here I go again we'll do one more reading, then we'll steer this back around as a whole, okay? Page 43, last paragraph. Once more, the alcoholic at certain times, and not all the time because most of the time we know better, at certain time it's that strange mental blank spot that we're up against here, okay, has no effective mental defense against the first drink except in a few rare case is neither he nor any other human being it's already introducing that we're beyond human power here that any otherhuman being can provide such a defense his defense must come from a higher power okay so it's introducing the idea that based on your experience how well does your willpower work for you right so let's steer it back to my experience and then experience of the group as a whole. So I would, uh, I would wake up after a bender full of, full of shame, full of guilt, full or remorse, right? Full of fear. Um, all these different reasons that I should have stopped drinking. And there were many times like I, I have no problem stopping. I just can't stay stopped. Right. You know, and there was many, many, many times where I would say, that's it. It's over. I am not drinking again. And I'm actually telling the truth. In that moment, you put a, you hooked me up to a polygraph test. I passed. I passed the polygraph tests in that moment. I'm telling the true. There's been many, many reasons over the years, health wise scares with the law. I mean, there was a time I got detained by the Mexican feds, right? I had to buy my waist by my way out of a, out of a Mexican prison, right? Because of drugs and alcohol. And I'm saying in that moment, okay, God, just get me out of this one. Please just get Me out of This one. And I promise I will never, ever, ever do this again, right. Thankfully the Mexican feds are a little bit crooked. They took some money, right, and I buy my way out of there. And guess what I'm doing within 24 hours? The thing that I said I would never ever do again. Right? The strange mental blank spot. This is not about willpower, right? Alcoholics and drug addicts are strong, strong people, but not here, right. We are this, this beast is bigger than us if you have this. So by steering it back to everyone here, did anyone wake up after a run full of shame, full of guilt, full of remorse, and then that firm resolution like that's it. I have never ever ever doing that again by a show of hands. Okay, a couple of two hands again. All right, so do you believe to your innermost self? Again, not academically, not here, right? Look back at your experience. How many times has this happened? I bet you I quit 100 times and meant it, at least, at least, right, by the show of hand who believes right into here in your core that you suffer from the mental obsession. Okay. Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous, right? These are the two qualifying factors that make an alcoholic an alcoholic, right. It's a three-part illness in my eyes but it's a two-part wellness for qualification purposes, all right. Now if anyone ever comes up to me and says my wife might be an alcoholic I might be an alcoholic. My brother might be an alcoholic, right? I asked two questions. I don't talk about the war story. Don't care, right. That's not the common theme that we all have. That was one of the confusing parts for me. When I first got to Alcoholics Anonymous, I would hear, well now I'm an alcoholic because I got five DUIs. I'm like, well, I don'T have five DUI's. Maybe I'm not an alcoholic or I'm an alcoholic cause I live under a bridge. Well, I DON'T live under a bridge. Maybe I'm not an alcoholic, or I'm an alcoholic because I got 15 years in prison. I don't have 15 years In prison, maybe I'm Not an alcoholic. Right? We in my eyes, we have to ditch these war stories and talk about what we all have in common. Right. It can be the gangster and it can be The church lady that suffer from this illness. And if we get rid of the war stories and talk About our similarities, right now our similarities is the physical part and the mental part so if someone comes to me and they say i might be an alcoholic i ask them what happens when you start drinking what happens when you stop drinking right now again so this isn't how mark sees it and i can reconcile this with our literature we're going to go over to page 44 and in the first paragraph this these are the two qualifying factors In the preceding chapters, we've learned something about alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. Here's a question you ask. If, when you honestly want to, you cannot quit entirely, right? The mental obsession. Or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, the physical allergy. if that be the case you may be suffering oh sorry you are probably alcoholic if that be the you may suffer from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer okay those are the two qualifying factors okay obsession and physical all right now i do believe this to be a three-part illness though right But for qualification purposes, only two. We're going to introduce the spiritual malady. Now, spiritual malty is how I feel when I'm not drinking. right this is me in my sober state i started drinking at the age of about 12 i think i needed one when i was six okay because that's about how far back i can remember where i didn't feel comfortable in my skin right the big book uses some very specific language in the doctor's opinion talks about the alcoholic when they're not drinking uses three terms restless irritable and discontented, right? Alcohol treated my alcoholism, right, it's tough to get your brain around that one, you know, but it's the only thing that made me feel better, right. Alcohol was never my problem, alcohol was my solution, okay, and it worked. I was better with alcohol for a period of time. When I discovered alcohol at the age of 12, my life got better, not worse, right? I was able to talk to women. I was better in business. I wasn't afraid to fight, right, I was absolutely riddled with fear and uncomfortable in my skin in a sober state. Alcohol took all that away until it quit working until it didn't. Okay, so what my sponsor taught me to do is turn statements into questions. We're going to just kind of further look at the spiritual malady in the big book and turn some statements into question. And again, the spiritual melody, this is something that not only happens in early recovery, but I see the spiritual melody come back with members that are five years, 10 years 20 years 30 years sober right the spiritual malady comes back we're uncomfortable in our skin in a sober state and sometimes we start reaching out for other things if it's not booze you know the suicide rate for sober alcoholics is alarming it really it is right most people kill themselves in a silver state because of the spiritual melody and let's just kind of talk about this a little bit and see if this applies to each of us as individuals so let's go to page 52. Second paragraph. We had to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply to our human problems, okay? This is why I do not use the spiritual malady for qualification purposes. We as alcoholics don't own the spiritual Malady, right? People feel uncomfortable in their skin if they're depressed. There might be some other things going on. Maybe childhood trauma. Who knows right there might be a variety of different things on the go i do not use this as a qualification purpose but if you don't think the spiritual malady is a lot more permanent in alcoholics and drug addicts you just simply haven't been paying attention right so uh let's hit a few statements and turn them into questions so page 52 second second paragraph we had to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply our human problems with the same readiness to change our point of view. So let's change these questions, or sorry, these statements and turn them into questions, okay? By a show of hands, in a sober state, were you having problems with personal relationships? Okay? Were you having trouble controlling your emotional nature? were you a prey to misery and depression were you having trouble making a living and we're not talking about money here we're talking about being happy with what you do did you have a feeling of uselessness were you full of fear were you generally unhappy were you having trouble being of real help to other people, just leave them up okay yeah there you go so this is the alcoholic without alcohol alcohol treated my alcoholism it's a tough thing to get your head around right it worked for a long long time it made me feel better now you take somebody like me and just remove the alcohol that's like a form of torture i need a sufficient substitute this is where you see a lot of alcoholics when they quit they put down the drink their life doesn't get better it gets worse right that's what the normal people will never ever understand about alcoholics and drug addicts it's like you quit drinking why aren't you better i'm like if you knew how i felt when i wasn't drinking you wouldn't ask me why i drank right the spiritual malady this is us in a sober condition now the spiritual malady can come back in sobriety I see a lot of people go back out five ten fifteen years right or you know when this is not an AA meeting so I'm going to get outside of our singleness of purpose you see other addictions start coming up right spiritual malody comes back they start gambling they start reaching out for prostitutes porn addiction, right? Whatever, right. This is an itch that must be scratched. Right. And it's like a form of torture. It's just like, it's like death by a thousand incisions. It doesn't happen overnight. It'S just like a little bit by a little BIT by a LITTLE BIT, by a lITTLE bIT, right? And then it's just I am just so uncomfortable in my skin. That's where we see a lot of people six months, one year sober, two years sober, awesome, doing amazing. Right? And mainly because they're doing what the program asks you to do and then they get their lives get really good and they get a little bit complacent right and they start drifting away and drifting away from the program right they're not doing the things they used to do the spiritual malady comes back and either a they go back to drinking or if you heard the term dry drunk right they are so miserable in their sobriety that you know you almost want to offer them a drink it's like public service please have one you know come on you're hard to be around so by the show of hands again to your innermost self not academically do you feel that you suffer from the spiritual malady portion of this illness okay three-part problem two part for qualification purposes three-part problem again i think that the spiritual malady is a lot stronger with alcoholics and drug addicts right we get a lot of people out there in aa land they argue about is this a two-part program or a three-par problem honestly i think they all just need to get over themselves uh if you do the steps it honestly doesn't matter right but for qualification purposes two parts okay um oh over on page 30 we're going to ask one question here now second paragraph we learned we had to fully concede to our innermost self not our academic selves that we were alcoholics so by a show of hands who concedes to their innermmost self that you suffer from alcoholism okay What's it say right after that? This is the first step in recovery. Okay, you're done step one. Doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. Now, what I do want anyone that has this illness to understand that based on your own willpower, and again, go back and look at your experience. Based on your old willpower you are 100% screwed, right? so I want to give you a fatal dose of alcoholism if you could have stopped you would right I prefer not to be here all right I would I wish I could have stopped on my own and just carried on with merry old life right this is the thing that makes an alcoholic an alcoholic I want stress the fatalness of your illness you are a hundred percent screwed based on your own willpower, okay? Now if I didn't share hope after that, that would just be cruel and unusual punishment. There is a way out, okay, there is hope, and that's actually the steps, the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, okay. Before we move on to step two, I just want to introduce the solution. I got a three-part problem. I got a three part solution. This is the A symbol. Okay. I got a three-part problem, I got a three part solution. Now my promise to anybody in this room today is if you live in the center of the circle and the triangle, you work all three parts of your program, you will never have to drink or use another drug again. Okay. Now when I was coming into Alcoholics Anonymous for seven years as a chronic relapser, in and out, in and out ,in and out. I worked one part of this program. Unity means meetings. Recovery means working the 12 steps and service means giving back and sponsoring. So I was in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous as a chronic relapser for seven years doing what I was told which was meeting makers make it 90 and 90 right some of the stuff that that you hear around the rooms none of it comes from our literature right and if I was to plot myself I was right here not understanding why I could not get well okay I remember being told do 90 and 90 I did a hundred meetings in 90 days and I wanted to put a bullet in my head Meetings alone did not treat my alcoholism. I had to do the entire thing. I need to work an entire program which is to be somewhere in here, in the center of the circle and the triangle. When I call my sponsor out in Texas and I'm struggling with whatever it might be, maybe I'm suffering from some depression. Maybe I'm just not feeling okay. Maybe I'm carrying on some resentments. The first question he asks me is plot yourself. Draw the circle and the triangle. Where are you? Are you working all three parts of a program? How many meetings a week are you getting to? We'll talk about that. Are you work in the 12 steps? Do you start in the morning with prayer and meditation? Do you write an inventory? where are you at with your amends and then service what are you doing to give back right you know I've been a taker all my life what are You doing to get back you sponsoring are you doing anything to get Back to Alcoholics Anonymous right again that's my promise to anybody here today is if you work a three-part program there's no reason why you need to drink and drug again not only that but it alleviates the spiritual malady when I start getting that twist, and it happens. It's happened to me over and over. I learn by pain, right? I don't learn by pleasure. I didn't say, hey, I'm feeling wonderful today. Let's do a workshop, right? You know, I learned by pain. And it's usually the spiritual malady coming back. It's my little tap, tap, cap on the shoulder that, okay, I am getting complacent. I am getting sloppy. I'm getting lazy. And if I'm not, I can't do it. I can do it again. It forces me back in the program because I'm not driven off of pleasure i'm driven off of pain so and i'm pretty sure most of you are the same way right you know it's uh it's a thing that that helps us learn so um we we're going to take a break here in a second i want to pass the basket around here really quickly we do have some costs to cover maybe just pass that around If you have something wonderful, if you don't, that's fine. Yeah, that is going around. Does anyone have any questions in regards to the physical allergy, the mental obsession, the spiritual malady? Any questions or comments? All right. Let's take a seven-minute break. How long does it take to have a smoke? Seven minutes. Three minutes. No more minutes, there you go. Nah, you can leave it on. Some extra stuff. Yeah, bonus. A lot of people that come in here with challenges around God. In our literature it says 50% of our original membership showed up atheist or agnostic, but still had the capacity to recover if they could be honest, okay? This isn't really a program of, well it is, but it gives you a lot of room to create your own God or create your on higher power, right? Again, this idea of doing the set-aside prayer is to set aside uh any old prejudices that you may have had maybe it was some stuff that happened as a kid me who knows right i showed up here as a for sure i said i was an atheist but i was actually an agnostic because i would do foxhole prayers right so if i had enough drugs in my system you know and i'd be up at night and my heart would just be going a million miles an hour you know i told everyone i didn't believe in god but then i'd start to pray right it's like oh just get me through the night please god please god help me get through the night so there was foxhole prayers right which basically means i believed all along but i was an agnostic right thought there was a god out there but i just didn't think he had anything to do or wanted anything to do with me right so any and i do i'm gonna stress that any challenges with step two or three or four or five or whatever it might be hear it all the time i got challenges with God. Like, no you don't. You got challenges with step one. If you are convinced to your innermost self you're suffering from a fatal chronic illness and progressive illness, you'll try God, right? But here's the beauty is Alcoholics Anonymous allows you to create your own God, your own higher power as it introduces it in step two. Power greater than yourself okay so by maybe just by a show of hands does anyone have any challenges around the concept of god okay awesome yeah about half the room right same as me this program allows you to create your own god now if i'm sponsoring somebody and i said do you have any changes around god and they say no boom we're moving on right i'm not going to spend a bunch of time trying to trying to create a higher power for them if they already got one we're carrying on right now again one of the biggest things i want to stress with anybody that i sponsor is that the importance of them becoming future sponsors so even though they may not have any difficulties with god they may be sponsoring somebody that does so it is important to at least have some good information and direction to help get somebody through the other side okay so we're just going to do a little exercise here. And if you already got a real strong concept of God, wonderful, right? But I'm going to have everyone do a little exercise on a blank piece of paper or just some open room that you have. Just write down, power is greater than me. And these are things that will help get you and keep you sober. And I want you to just start writing anything me plus beyond you, not a big fan of the doorknob. I'm not a Big Fan of the chair. Right? But these could be things such as Yeah, if it's just one word for you, and it's the word Jesus, then wonderful. Right. Maybe it's nature. Maybe it'S creator of the universe. Maybe IT'S prayer. Maybe It'S meditation. Maybe it's just the word love maybe it's all those things right just start writing anything that applies to you that are powers greater than you maybe the word god is a group of drunks right god again this is your list alcoholics anonymous allows you to build anything that seems good for you however inadequate it may feel this is a beginning this is the start the big thing with Alcoholics Anonymous is to keep the feet moving. Like I said, if it's the word Buddha, then Buddha or Jesus, then just Jesus, whatever it is, right? But again, I came here with lots of prejudices and lots of struggles and this helped me get my feet moving, okay? So just go ahead and do a little bit of writing. everyone got a list okay so again if you if you came in here already with good faith and wonderful but the key part is is i want to make sure that you're qualified to help help an atheist or an agnostic as they come into the rooms right there's a line in the big book it says god either is or he isn't and if he is he's either everything or he's nothing what's your choice to be so if god is everything then god is also everything on your list right so you can just change the word powers greater than me you can cross it out and just put the word god this is what was done with me i'm not saying i was right that i'm right but this is my experience here. Okay. This helped me keep my feet moving again. If you already had strong faith, then probably just one word on your list with, with me, there was more to it. Now I remember being in a, and I'm going to reconcile this with some stuff in the big book here. I remember Being at a treatment center years ago in Phoenix, and it was a state funded treatment center, which means it was rough. There's a lot of gangsters in there. And there was, uh, there was one guy with a full face tattoo, right? And, and there was me and another guy in there and we were sharing some hope, right. And you could tell he was on the edge of his seat and he was excited. And then he would cross his arms and stare at me and mean mug me. And dann he was exited and he'd cross his arm and mean mug me and you could tell the guy was, was quite conflicted. Right. Then afterwards he's like, what if, what if you don't believe in God? I'm like, that's fine. So do you believe that I believe? He's like, well, yeah. He goes, then I asked him, I said, are you at least willing to believe? And it kind of just threw him back, right? He was like, Well, yeah, I'm willing to believe. That's all our literature asks. Okay. And again, let's make a reference point to that so that it's not uh as mark sees it okay let's go over to page 47 and if you do have challenges even if you don't have challenges around god i really encourage you to read the chapter called we agnostics okay it allows you a lot of room and for me you know i was in my first year of recovery and i was trying to struggle and struggle with this concept of god god of my own understanding right and i Was still in the oil and gas industry bouncing around all these different small cities and i heard one guy taking a 32 year birthday cake for sobriety and I'm like, I'm going to pay attention to this guy. And he kept on calling it the God of his not understanding. And something just clicked for me, right? Like, do I believe there's something out there? Yup. Can I define it? No, actually I don't think I can, but I'll choose to experience it through other people. Right now that's something that just worked for me. Right. Uh, I call it the god of my not understanding, right. Uh I truly believe there's something out there. I can't define it, though. And again, that's just my experience, right? If you've got a stronger experience or if you come from a religious denomination, wonderful, right, but it was a start for someone like me. But let's go back to our literature and see what our literature says here. Second paragraph on page 47. We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. Do I now believe? Here's the key part. Or am I even willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself. So again, the question that I ask people, is it possible that there just might be, or are you at least mildly suspicious that there just might not be a power out there other than you? Yeah, that's possible, right? So here's what the literature says. As soon as a man can say that he does believe or is willing to believe, we empathetically assure him that he is on his way. On his way to what? Spiritual experience. What else? What's next? Step three. Yeah, that's it. Okay, we're on our way to step three. That's all our big book is asking us. I see too many people get hung up here. Right? if you're having a two problem I promise you you're not having a one problem if you believe you're suffering from a chronic fatal and progressive illness right you'll keep an open mind and that's all it's asking us to do here is keep an open mind okay so by show of hands does anyone now believe or at least willing to believe that there just might be something out there other than you all right you're done step two step three there's some bad news here made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him So make a decision. There's, let's use an analogy, and if you've worked with me before, don't answer. There's three birds sitting on a fence. Two of them decide to fly away. How many are left? Three birds on a fence, two of them decided to fly way. How many were left? One. There's actually still three. they've made a decision to fly away but they haven't flapped their wings yet okay step three is just a decision the work and the magic in this program happens in four through nine okay this is purely a decision we're gonna we are going to have some readings around step three but i hear people weep and wail and like oh what does that mean to give myself to god right and this is all it means is that you're going to continue on with the rest of the steps with a level of thoroughness and honesty. The magic happens in 4 through 9. Okay? But let's make some reference points for step 3 and then we do have an action step that goes with step 3. Page 60. Halfway down, it says our description of the alcoholic the chapter to the agnostic and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas right which is basically what we've done to this point that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives we're fired that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism right again if you look at all the different things that you tried with human power the counselors the therapists the rehab centers again all that stuff is wonderful been there done that and it did not remove the obsession to drink wonderful stuff happened in there but it did not remove the obsession to drink for me and then see that god could and would if he was thought okay being convinced we were at step three which is this which we decided to turn our will over the life as god as we understood him okay which we did in step two just what do we mean and what do you do uh the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success okay again we learned a lot of that in step one right we're not management material on that basis we're almost always in collision with something or somebody even though our motives are good most people like try to live by self-propulsion each person is like the actor who wants to run the whole show and is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put if people would only do as he wished the show would be great. Everybody including himself would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He might be kind considerate, patient, generous even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand he might be mean egotistical and dishonest. But as with most humans, he's most likely to have very good traits. So what it's introducing here is the alcoholic believes there's a God. He just thinks it's him or her, right? It's the actor that wants to run the whole show. I have an alcohol problem, but I also got a control problem. I'm pretty sure I got a controlled addiction, right, like the actor who wants to do this. He wants to runs the entire show. If people would just do as I wish, then life would be grand. Okay. So here's the AA punch in the face. You ready? So with the treatment centers and the counselors and the therapists that I've been to, often they would introduce the root cause of alcoholism as trauma or childhood trauma, right? Again, I don't ever want to discount that. I've listened to enough fifth steps to know that trauma is a big deal and I'm a big advocate of outside help but it is not what is being given to us from the literature of Alcoholics Anonymous right, I'm a big advocate in outside help and therapy alright, put the AA punch in the face let's go over to page 62 selfishness, self-centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles, like oh no right, driven by a hundred forms of fear self-delusion self-seeking and self-pity we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate sometimes they hurt us seemingly without provocation but invariably find that sometime in the past we made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt all right so what it's telling me is my issue isn't trauma although trauma might have exasperated it might have made it worse right but it's telling me that selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of the problem now when i first read that i had the envision of the loud obnoxious braggart right it's like well i'm not selfish and self centered i help all kinds of people right uh selfishness self-centred is basically just a person that thinks a lot and their favorite topic is them, right? Now if you look at your thought pattern, how often were you thinking of other people? How often were we thinking of what you could bring into the streams of life, right, the person that's hiding in their basement afraid to come out is equally as self-centered as the loud obnoxious braggart, okay, because it's obsession with self right it's me thinking about me all the time right so going back to the book here so our troubles we think are basically of our own making they rise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot though they usually don't think so right ask me like no i'm not selfish right the last ones to see you highlight this sentence probably the most important big sentence in an entire big book above everything we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness and then highlight the other set sentence coming up because it's a death threat we must or it kills us all right this whole program is the idea of getting out of self right this is where my original sponsor was a big big big advocate of service work not when I want to write especially when I'm not feeling well we used to go to a number of noon meetings and it was typically when the spiritual malady was coming back for me I'm twisted up in my own skin I'm miserable right and the way was taught for me because again what we do in here and what goes on out there are two different things what I hear out there is take care of yourself right be kind to yourself give yourself a little bubble bath I'm like I've worked on me enough all right obsessed with myself what I've done is a prayer that was taught to me it's like God please put someone in front of me suffering more than myself right and then I go to a noon meeting and there was never a doubt who that person was right it's oh there he is right you know and then i go talk to that person and guess as i'm speaking to that other person guess who i'm not thinking about my favorite topic me right this is what this whole program is about is getting out himself okay Okay. And then it says, bottom of page 62. This is the how and why of it all. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work, right? So us being the master of everyone else's actions just didn't walk. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama life, God was going to be our director. He is our principal. We are his agents. He has a father and we are his children most good ideas are simple and this concept was the keystone to the new and triumphant arch which through which we passed freedom alright so you've learned a lot about self will run riot the root problem of alcoholism is selfishness and self centeredness we're not management material is everybody ready to put God or higher power. I don't care what you even call it. Don't care. Right? Is everyone here, or is anyone here, willing to put God in charge of their life by a show of hands? Okay. So, now comes an action step. Page 63. Second paragraph. It says, We were now at step three. Many of us said to our Maker as we understood Him. alright, if you got bad knees you can stay sitting down but we're going to do this one from our knees this is an action step we're gonna do a prayer here alright okay, is everyone ready? God I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness as I would help I love thy way of life may I do thy will always awesome and then it says we thought well before we're taking this step making sure we were ready oh if you weren't ready get buckle up things might start to change what uh what word do you hear at the end of every prayer what's not at the end of this prayer okay that was not an accident we've started a process here okay the amen doesn't come until the end of the seventh step prayer we've started something here now let's just look at this prayer and break down the language to see exactly what we're talking about because for some of us it just seems like a bunch of words just kind of strung together most of them i don't understand okay let's take a look at the prayer god i offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as el wilt right means i'm not the boss anymore I'm not managing my material, I haven't done a very good job relieve me of the bondage of self, well in the last paragraph or in the other page it said selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of my problem so I'm asking to be taken away from the bondagem of my mind my bondage of self that I may better do God's work here's the contract in the third step prayer at least this is the way it was taught to me take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help. So the contract here is, God take away my difficulties and I'll help your kids. Simple. And that has been my experience in Alcoholics Anonymous is as I'm immersed in service work and I'm helping his kids, my difficulties are taken away. The bondage of self has been taken away. When I get away from doing what I need to do, the spiritual malady comes back. I get twisted up in my skin. I start making really bad decisions. Right? And I'm obsessed with me yet again. So that's the contract that's here. So the What's that sorry? oh god help me and i'll help your kids it's basically a contract step three contract right and again that's my experience in aa is if i continue to that's again not being attached to the results right some people get well some people don't some people might flip you the bird right again this isn't about the results it's me trying all right so the action step go forward is each morning it says upon awakening. There's some other prayers that the big book has us add and we'll get to that when we get to that. But upon awakening again I showed up here as a atheist slash agnostic I don't go to the washroom, I don' t go have a coffee, none of that. I'm right from bed floor I roll out of bed, I'm on to my knees Now do I always believe in what I am doing? No, I do not right? It's one thing my sponsor said to me in early recovery is, do I care about what you think? No, not really. Do I care About how you feel? No, Not really. I only care about What you do. I only Care about what actions you take. There are many days I do not believe in what I'm doing, but I do it anyways. All relates back to step one. I got my ass kicked by alcoholism, okay? I do certain things each and every day. Sometimes I feel connected, sometimes I don't, but I do them regardless. So I'm going to start each and every morning with the third step prayer. A shorter version of the third-step prayer. And just say this any time you're feeling anything less than wonderful. Just God, you're in charge or thy will be done. I use God, your in charge. Sometimes you might have to say that 10 times a day, maybe 20 maybe 100 maybe 200 right god you're in charge it gets me away from self-will to god consciousness right and again maybe a couple hundred times a day you might have to do it don't know right we're just gonna wrap up with uh with one thing here this is idea of of taking your time to do the steps. So over on the bottom of page 63, what it's telling me to do, and because of the format, we obviously aren't going to be able to just launch right into this. We'll be going into this next week. But what it is telling me over on the bottom on page 63, it says next we launched on a course of vigorous action. Has anyone ever seen anyone launch slowly? Okay. It's telling me that immediately after doing the third step prayer i've got my pen out and my paper out and i'm going to start writing inventory with my sponsor okay so again this is never this isn't meant to be as in lieu of one-on-one work with a sponsor if you don't have one get one right if you want what we have and you're willing to go at any lengths gives us some timelines here now again the original founders of our program were nine days and 14 days sober and they were through the work and actively helping other alcoholics. One of the things I heard around here for a long time is you need to be a year sober before you can sponsor. Could you imagine if our founders waited a year before they started sponsoring? A bunch of us here would be dead. I know that, right? No one in our literature doesn't say to take our time and wait, right. Our founder's nine days and 14 days sober. The founder of AA Chicago, it says on one of our pages, I'll steer us there in second it tells us how long he took to do the work it's got it's a four for what four days four years four weeks four months what do you think it is four hours okay page 263 let's just take a quick look at that this would make there's this is the most controversial part of of alcoholics anonymous is the idea of announcing yourself as recovered and taking your time page 263 top dr. Bob's afternoon off he had me to the office and we spent three to four hours formally going through the six-step program as it was at that time right there's a six step program back then it was the Oxford group which developed into the twelve steps after that but it tells now I don't take people through in three to four ours I'm usually two to three weeks all I go really, really slow. But again, the literature tells me over and over. Let's hit one more timeline here. We're in the top of page 64 before we wrap it up for the day. Which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision in step three or the third step prayer was vital and crucial, which means very important, it could have little permanent effect, which basically is saying it's useless. unless at once, okay? Another timeline. Unless at once followed by the strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. It treated my alcoholism. We had to get down to causes and conditions. And that's going to happen in the inventory work and that's what we're going to do next week. All right, any quick questions? What were you talking about with the prayer thing in the morning? You were talking about prayers in the moring. What page was that on? What other prayers to add? Yeah. Page is 86. Yeah, so page 63 is a third step prayer. And there's some additional prayers over on page 86 that it says what to do upon awakening and when we retire at night. We will go through that again when we get to those steps. But if anyone wants to start doing them now, those are over on page 86 all right 90 minutes exactly so all right thanks everybody