Step Work and Removing the Obsession – Blueprint for Receovery Big Book Study Weekend in Vancouver, BC, Canada – F20070223 – Part 2 of 5 – Chris R.

Howdy. My name is Chris Raymer. I'm a recovered alcoholic. Let me get organized. Guys, it's great to see you. I'm excited about doing this weekend. I love this venue. It's close. Everybody always sits in the back. Even if you've never heard me speak, you sit in the back. I don't understand all these seats up front. Rumor has it that I spit occasionally, so I guess that's probably what it is. I'm honored to be here. Y'all live in a gorgeous place and I got to, as always, thank the cats that pulled the strings to get me here, Jules and anybody else on the committee and Malcolm picked me up at the airport and drove me around town and fed me and just thanks. You know, it used to be, and I say this often, you could get a speaker in for a couple hundred bucks. It's just an expensive deal to do now. Just the flight is so expensive. And I appreciate the effort and you guys spending time and money to come do this. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you get something out of it. I hope I say something this weekend that will make you think. There's a circuit speaker out there that always wants to take exception with me. He says, Chris, every time somebody listens to one of your talks, it's like you're so controversial, you make them uncomfortable. And it's Like, buddy, I didn't fly all the way from Texas to entertain you. You can walk out on the street and get that. I don't know what to tell you. I love Alcoholics Anonymous. us. I love all the 12-step fellowships. Everything I talk about is colored by the last 13 years working in a treatment center where we treat alcoholism and drug addiction, last gaspers, if you know what I mean. These are the cats that can't get sober anyplace else and they I always end up in our doorstep. And just watching the devastation of this disease, it's just full front in your face. It's easy for us to get sober and get in our own little groups and our own lives, and we don't see the desperation. Malcolm drove me around and showed me all the sights of Vancouver a little bit while we were coming over, and we got to talking about street people, so he drove me through so we could see some. And it's like, I'm glad to know that alcoholism and drug addiction is alive and well in Vancouver. Some of you guys have been so far away from a drink and drug, you've forgotten what it's like. And I haven't. I nearly died getting to this fellowship. I spent seven years sitting in these rooms, listening to people tell their war stories and pissing and moaning about their days and could not get well. Guys, that's my story. And I'm going to tell you that's going to offend some people. What we're going to try to do, I want to give you, that's why I wanted to do this little talk first. I want you to know who I am a little bit, let you know a little about my story and where I come from. And then tonight we're taking a quick break and then we'll come back and we're just going to do some first step stuff and then tomorrow we're gonna finish up the steps. And I've been in step studies like this, I've been in workshops, weekends where we split hairs and dissected words. And I'm not going to do that this weekend. I think that is wonderful. But the problem that we have in our fellowship today is not that we don't have enough people understanding the intricacies of this program. We have too many people out there that don't understand this program at all. i want to come at this from how do you take a newcomer through the steps what are the high points that we should absolutely hit so that we can work with newcomers and be effective i've got a i've Got an 84 page four-step guide sitting on my desk at work i leave it there just so i can stay pissed you know i just i just it's and you know for somebody that's sober For somebody that's sober 10 years in the program and wants to go back through the work again and wantsto get deeper and learn more about themselves, I mean, how cool of an exercise would that be? But some little guy coming in just coming apart at the seams and doesn't know if he can ever wake up without the obsession of alcohol kicking his butt and we're going to drop this on his desk? I don't think so. You all with us? The steps... Y'all don't mind if I take this off, do you? You don't mind if I take this off the... No. You would mind, trust me. The steps initially were designed, were outlined to be worked rapidly. I don't know why that's so controversial. All you've got to do is pick up any AA-sanctioned literature and they talk about the early guys in Alcoholics Anonymous working the steps quickly. And yet we've got entire fellowships out there telling people to take their time to work the steps. I don't understand where that comes from. I want to say this before I get into this. It's like I introduced myself. My name is Chris Schramer. I'm a recovered alcoholic. I am. If you want to continue to be recovering, bop till you drop. I'm not going to split hairs with you on that. The book tells me to introduce myself as a man who's recovered. I haven't obsessed about alcohol in 19 years. What kind of hope am I going to give the newcomer if I stand up here and say, I'm still struggling with the obsession to drink? Who wants that? I certainly don't. And I know that offends some people. You know, we were talking the other day. I've got to watch my clock because I don't... The people that get cranky with talk, I speak a lot out in public, and those little CDs that they're doing back here travel like wildfire. You know what I mean? Truly, I mean the streets of Texas are littered with them. You know, people are everywhere. But, you know, they're on the Internet and the people download them and they listen to this stuff. And it's just, I don't want to make anybody cranky. I don'T know why I get pegged as the controversial speaker. I'm coming straight out of the big book. but the guy can stand up there and tell you don't work with anybody for the first year you're sober and virtually kill the newcomer with that information but he's not controversial y'all follow me? my sponsor always said how's it working for you? we're going to talk a lot about that this weekend if going to a bunch of open discussion meetings and not working the steps and not work with any alcoholics is working for ya and you're staying sober and you happy, joyous and free See, bop till you drop. God damn, this is good. Have a nice life. I get thousands of emails. Thousands of emails from people who have had the same experience as me in our fellowship. I've watched... Malcolm and I were talking at lunch this afternoon about the number of people we know with long-term sobriety that have lost it. Ten years plus. I've got a guy in my group that just came in not long ago that was about three months away from 30 years and lost his sobriete. That's tragic. We need those cats here. We need the guys with some sobrieto here. Why are they relapsing? Why are они возвращаются? untreated alcoholism. See, not drinking and going to meetings doesn't treat alcoholism It was never intended to treat alcoholics. The 12 steps, which brought about a spiritual experience, was supposed to treat the alcoholism. But if we don't work the 12 steps which involves working with others and we get loaded again who are we to blame? Follow the thread. Because everybody wants to blame the cat that did it. That's what happens when a newcomer comes in and he falls on his butt And the best we can come up for him is, well, the little beggar just didn't want it bad enough. Oh, oh, maybe that's true. You've got to want to do this to do it. Maybe that's truth. Or maybe they never heard the solution. And that was my story, folks. People come up and ask me, Chris, you're exaggerating about your experience in AA. and why would I want to do that? Why would I need to do that? Half the people in the hospital where I work in Kerrville down in the hill country, half the people more than half the People there have been to AA before. Didn't work for them. I know it works because that's how I got sober. The problem is if you land in the wrong room where people are not reading out of the literature and studying the book and talking about the G word, you may have a tough time getting sober if you're the real McCoy. If you're the real alcoholic that the book talks about, you May have a Tough Time Getting Sober. That makes people uncomfortable. And that's what we want to talk about this week. I'm telling you guys, tomorrow, this is going to be short and sweet. Nobody's going to get butt sore listening to me talk. This is going to be very quick and very concise. And I'm saying it, and I'm begging you, you're welcome to agree or disagree with anything I say. I am no guru. I am not here representing anybody. I'm here just to share my hope with you. It's the one thing I came to Alcoholics Anonymous completely deplete of was hope. I didn't get sober. Well, let me tell you this. But actually, we own a house. We own a condo in San Antonio. My wife works in San Ontario. I actually live in a little town called Ingram, Texas. It's about 60 miles west of San Antonio and the little hospital where I work six more miles up in the hills. I mean, it's like Appalachia of Texas. I mean it is – there's a lot of inbreeding going on over there. It is nasty. One red light in the whole town and about six bars. I mean, it's something to see. But that's what the Hill Country was where I grew up. It was a drug haven. There's ranches out there, and every plane in the world was coming in there dumping off loads of dope. And it was back in the 60s and 70s. It was Mecca for the dope dealers. And that's all we did. We learned to drink at an early age, and that's when my father was an alcoholic. And although we didn't know it at the time, we knew he had a problem. And we just started drinking. Everybody drank. And I'll never in my life forget my first drink, which ought to be an indication. If you can remember your first drink you've got a problem. I can't tell you the first time I had green beans, cream corn, any takers? No, it's just like green. But Boone's Farm apple wine, buddy, I remember it like it was yesterday. And I drank that stuff and I was so uncomfortable in my skin. I've got an identical twin brother. He's sober in the program, too, and some of you all know him. And a nice family, and I mean there's no goofy stuff going on. There was no reason for me to be weird in any way. Never mind. But I drank that Boone's Farm that night. I was about 17, 18 years old. It was January 1971, the month that our co-founder Bill Wilson passed away. I started drinking. And I didn't get drunk that night I didn' t rob any liquor stores I didn''t do anything goofy Except walk back and lay down in my bed And feel comfortable in my skin For the first time in my young adult life That stuff fixed what was wrong with me And I knew I was on to something I was in the food business And they let you drink They look the other way As long as you show up They don' t give a rat's butt what you do And I was pretty successful in that career I still love to cook today. And in the early, mid-70s, I started experiencing some pretty deep anxiety. I've always been kind of a shy kid. But anxiety and depression started to plague me. And the only thing that seemed to fix it was the alcohol. And I never made a conscious thing, whoa, alcohol fixes that. It was never that. It was kind of a self-medicating thing for these symptoms. But I started seeing doctors about it, and they started giving me the little antidepressants that were on the market at the time to try to treat that nonsense. Of course, I'm drinking on top of those, so they worked real well. Oh, Jesus. But I'm like what we call a functioning alcoholic. I'm sure a bunch of you all in here. I'm not getting in a bunch OF trouble around it. I occasionally drink too much and make an ass of myself, but I'm bummed. But I'm not robbing my stores or doing any weird... I'm just holding it together pretty good. And I had about a 20-year run of the drinking and drugging. Later in the late 70s, drugs entered into it. But I just was not a happy camper. By the time I was about 21, I picked up the phone book to call my first AA meeting. I knew that there was a problem with the drinking and it was going to end up getting me in some trouble. And I didn't want to end like my dad, who is a wonderful man. But I just... I didn' t call AA, but I picked up the phone book. Y'all got it? I mean, it's on my head. People that don't have a problem without alcohol don't sit around and wonder if they've got a problem with alcohol. You know, normal people, they just don't ever give it a second thought. They just, you want a drink? Let's drink. You don't want a drank? Oh, that's cool. That's what we're going to talk about some more and the first step stuff, but I'm not a happy camper. And I had a little domestic disturbance. I was living up in North Texas, and I was married. I finally decided that marriage was going to fix what was wrong with me. That was a horrendous experiment. And you know how it is. I spent a lifetime trying to adjust my life and blaming everything around me for why I can't stay sober. it's the food business that's what's getting me drunk you with us a lot of you little guys sitting in coming out of treatment centers you're taught this and and i'm not saying that those things don't exacerbate the problem and make them possibly worse you're with us but it doesn't cause it alcoholism and drug addiction folks is a genetic predisposition you're you're born that way and that's a fact the jury's in there have been more studies done on that than anything else around alcoholism and drug addiction. And that's a fact. I can give you the information to go read and look at if you want to. Any of you guys sitting in this room right now still wanting to blame somebody for your alcoholism, get over it. Because it's not the truth. Simple. Again, I'm going to repeat myself because I see some of the furrowed brows. I'm not saying that your drama didn't exacerbate the problem. You with me? If I'm living with a beast of a woman and I'm in a terrible relationship. Are you with us? And I have lived with a few of those. Common sense would tell you that you would drink more, wouldn't it? Do more dope, whatever it was. Yeah, absolutely. I'll give you that. But it didn't cause the problem. That's what's so frustrating with us. I spent 10 years in therapy. I started seeing the therapist at the same time I was getting the antidepressants and I've seen these therapists and I love therapy. I still see a therapist today on occasion. and love it. But we would look at the issues. You know, well, Chris, why did you drink? Well, it must have been this. Okay, well let's fix this. Oh, hot damn, good, let's, let us. And we'd fix that. And then you'd still be drinking. That's where the geographical cures come in. Any of you guys ever move trying to stay away from alcohol and dope? I mean, we keep the moving lines in business. It's nuts. I'd move. I'll never forget the experiment of getting married. God, if you let that woman marry me, I'll quit drinking. I'll be a good boy and everything's going to be okay. Two weeks later, we're married. Two weeks later, I'm sitting in that garage apartment watching her shovel those Cheerios in her mouth and I'm saying, God, you could just kill this woman. Everything will be okay and she was a wonderful woman. She was a good egg. There's nothing wrong with it. She was not the cause of the problem but I've got to blame it on something. I've Got to blame It on somebody. That's why our families are just crazy I wonder if we've got any family members in here They get blamed for everything And it's not their fault We spend a lifetime trying to change I kept reading in this little thread Trying to figure out if I could get to the end of it I could find out what the big booger boo is It's causing me to drink and then I can stop And then I could drink like a normal person Hot damn And let me tell you something folks There's a bunch of professionals out there that still believe that Otherwise we wouldn't be talking about it non-stop I'm not saying those things don't need to be addressed. They do. But you're going to be horribly disappointed when you keep drinking. God, if I could just get out of the food business. You know how God does it. I'm out of a food business now. God, If I could get back in the food bussiness. Just buy the house. God, just sell this dog. Just buy this little ranchette. We can just sell. We can give kids. We can shoot the kids. And we do it nonstop, trying to change our circumstances so we can be okay inside. You with us? It's one of my big soapboxes for not going into meetings and talking about our problems. Why? What purpose? So we can feel a little better? Why don't you work the 12 steps, have a spiritual experience, then God will show you what to do with those problems, and you can feel really, really good. Nah, that's too hard. Let's just go to a meeting and dump. It drives me nuts. Probably the most controversial stuff I talk about from the podium is that right there. Everybody thinks it's their right to come in a meeting and talk about anything they want. Here's my story. After this little domestic disturbance, I ended up back in a counselor's office and the counselor looked over and said, Chris, I don't know about this. You're taking seven pills a day. You've been in therapy all this time. You've changed everything in your life. Buddy, you're a drunk. You need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. You don't understand. I am much more complex than that. We're so sensitive. I don't mind being a borderline schizophrenic. That kind of rolls off the tongue, but a drunk, an alcoholic? I mean, how embarrassing is that? You can't talk about that at the bar, you know? Oh, God. But, oh, geez, I played the victim card a thousand times. You know, I have some nervous disorders. And most women that are healthy will run, but you'll get a couple of them, buddy. Oh, let's talk about it. And I thank every one of them too. I ended up going to Alcoholics Anonymous. I'll never forget my first meeting. And we walked in this room, and there was a bunch of old geezers in there. And they said, Chris, do you have a problem with alcohol? And I said, yes. I've got a half-finished quart of beer in my pickup truck. And, you know, I smell it. Yeah, I guess so. Welcome. Sit down. Okay, great. We sat down. And then the meeting, we read how it works. I remember that vividly. Didn't understand any of it, but I remember reading it. And they say, okay, this is your meeting. Who's got the problem? Ooh, she picked me. Picked me. Johnny. Johnny was in treatment. He wasn't spending his money on dope and alcohol and so he found himself shopping too much. They'd take him out on these little excursions and he was shopping too mucho and spending too much money. All of a sudden... So we talked about switching addictions. About a shopping addiction. Of course, everybody had something to share about that. Oh, I remember doing that? Oh, my God. And I just went and I go to Walmart and I just pushed them. And I'm like a deer in a headlight here. You know, I'm jonesing like a big dog and I want to drink so bad I can taste it. But we're going to talk about shopping. And you'll think this is ridiculous. But we will do it till today. I could probably take you to 100 meetings here in Vancouver where they're doing that tonight. Well, little Johnny obviously needed to talk abut that. Sure did. He should have done that in his little group at treatment. He should have done that at Denny's having coffee. Didn't need to do it in the one hour I had to recover. I don't know. I don' t know. I got up and left. Boy, that was nice. Went back, told my wife, oh, it was a great meeting. Learned about shopping and shit and that was good stuff. There are some great articles that Bill Wilson wrote about this, talking about problems in meetings, folks. He gets very specific about our need to focus on the problem, our primary purpose, and not try to take on every problem that alcoholics and addicts have. It doesn't mean... See, the fellowship is so open and roomy, guys. There's plenty of time to talk about that stuff. Thank God we've got it. I learn a lot from this fellowship that I don't hear in meetings. You with us? The fellowship doesn't end when we go home tonight. The fellowship will continue. Some of y'all will go to coffee afterwards. Why you would want to stay up all night, I don't have any idea. It's already past my bedtime, so what the heck? The fellowship never ends. We talk about that stuff nonstop. But my soapbox is for an hour, why can't we talk about the 12 steps? Why can't мы talk about the literature so that we can help the newcomer get well? I didn't stay sober learning about little Johnny's shopping problem. Singleness of purpose. We're here to talk about our problems with alcohol, period. I've said this a gazillion times. I don't know about here in Vancouver or in Texas. We adhere to that singleness of purpose pretty quick. Mark comes in and starts talking about crack cocaine. We shut him down in a heartbeat. Excuse me? This is an AA meeting. Alcohol. Okay. You with us? Some of y'all agree with that? I do. We have hundreds of fellowships out there to talk abut any specific addiction you've got. In AA, we happen to talk about our problems with alcohol. We don't have a problem stopping somebody to do that. But the very next person at Sheriff's wants to talk about her divorce one more time. Now why in the hell is that different than crack cocaine? That 19-year-old kid sitting back in the back has never been married. What the hell does he get out of this meeting? You'll follow me? Sitting in the meeting, listening to somebody bitch about their weed eater for an hour. That freaks me out. and we want to say it's okay in the guise of love and tolerance. Oh, just let him talk. But we forgot about the 19-year-old kid that wants to go drink. Alcoholics Anonymous was never intended, not ever intended to be a therapy group. It was intended to me a spiritual program of action. What's the solution? It's the spiritual experience. Talking about that weed eater is not going to get this guy sober. Do you disagree? When we weren't talking about the weed eater, we were listening to some old geezer try to scare the newcomers in the rooms with a stupid war story. See how many fingers I got up? That's where you're supposed to use your war stories. In a 12-step call and from this podium. in a meeting, what's the point? Read Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers. Some of y'all are grinding your teeth over this shit because you think that's what this is about. We go to the meetings and talk about our past and we remember it. We keep it green. Oh, please. I'm fixing to show you in the next hour why that won't happen. I'm fixin' to show ya. Fixin', did they say that up here? That's a Texas expression. Fixin' ta do it. guys i'm not knocking your war story page 17 says it's a it's it's one of the main things that we need in order to identify with a newcomer that's why singleness of purpose is so important we go into a meeting you with us like a guy sitting back at the restaurant out there and he's drunk we sit up next to him we can't go start talking to him about god in the steps he's going to think you're crazy or kick your butt one or the other you know maybe both we don't do that we go sit down with him and tell him about our times when we were sitting in a restaurant making an ass of ourselves and buddy, guess what happened to me? And then you talk to him about what happened and you tell him your story. Get him comfortable from a podium. It's fascinating to sit in speaker meetings and listen to people tell their stories and what they got through and how they recovered from this thing. Wonderful. But why is it if we're going to a meeting and we've been in the same meeting week after week after week, we're listening to the same people over and over and tell the same stupid story. Read Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers and it says point blank. We didn't tell our war stories in meetings. We all knew how to drink. We talked about recovery, how to get well. Guys, that's why we can't keep the young adults in our meetings. We're too busy trying to scare them into these rooms. You've got to stop. They're not going to believe it. And I'll say this. Piss off the part I hadn't already pissed off. It's one of the reasons that we can't keep women in our fellowships. Alcoholics Anonymous right now today is desperately in need of women who stick in the trench with a big book under their arm helping other women get sober. Women come in and they get tired of listening to this old hairy-legged boy tell how bad it got. Seen it a thousand times. Nice little businesswoman comes in, noon meeting, everybody's eating a little ham sandwich trying to get cranking and sits down. Oh, we have a newcomer here and she's freaked out. She doesn't know if she needs to be there or not. She's got a little DWI, and they said come to meetings. She's Got her little sheet in her hand, you know. She's gotta get signed, and she doesn't... Oh, let's tell her how we got here. And sure as shit, everybody starts going around in the corner telling how they got here, look. She'll never be able to identify because you won't talk about what's going on inside the internal discomfort, the spiritual malady that got you here to begin with. All you're gonna do is talk about the stupid drama. How many of you have heard this stuff? You sit in meetings and listen, and this guy starts talking about his DWI. And this guy says, well, you think that's bad? I've had two DWIs. You think that'S bad? I've Had six DWIs This poor lady, she's just screeching down on the chair. She just doesn't know what to do. By the time you get around to the other side of the room, we've got a child-molesting mass murderer back here. You think I'm kidding. And we wonder why she doesn't come back. How does she feel comfortable in a room like that? Where's the spirituality? Where's The Excitement? Where's THE Passion? We never pulled her with a vision. We tried to scare her into the rooms. I'm in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous for seven years. I will go in spurts. I'll go to 90 meetings in 90 days, 100 meetings in 20 days. You with me? And then I'll just leave disgusted. I can't relate. I wake up every day and the obsession to drink is with me. And I can resist it. I can stay sober for short periods of time. But the further away I get from that drink, when I set it down and I get detoxed, the further way I get, the worse my internal condition gets. And my head will eventually tell me it's time to take a drink. And I go drink. I tried the church. I tried their medications. I tried therapy. I've sat naked in sweat lodges. I've been roughed. I've had crystals. I had colonics one time that was going to fix me they do that in Vancouver? I bet you do my complexion cleared up though but I never stopped drinking everybody that was trying to help me guys, I've got to say don't misunderstand me I loved those people in those early meetings there wasn't one person there that was trying to hurt me. They were trying to help me the way that they knew to help. As a result of piss-poor sponsorship, they thought they were doing me a service. And they weren't. And I split. 1987, fast forward. I can't cook anymore. I'm working for my twin brother up in North Texas. He owns a book bindery and I'm doing manual labor in his shop and glad to have the job, folks. They co-signed a little note for an apartment for me or I'd be right on the street just like some of these cats I saw this afternoon. And I'm grateful for the work But I'm miserable inside. I'm dying. And I picked up a stack of return checks in my mailbox and went up to my little apartment and sat on the floor and opened them. Cold, overcast night in North Texas. And I, November 13th, 1987. And I got up, went to the medicine cabinet and took a couple of bottle of pills and tried to commit suicide. I knew I was going to have to go to my sister-in-law the next day and borrow the money to pay for those return checks. And one more time, I'm 35 years old and I've bankrupted another account. Folks, my father raised a good kid, but I am not that kid. I'm not a good employee. I'm Not a Good Employer. I'm NOT a good boyfriend or husband. My intentions are wonderful but I can't seem to pull it off. And I'm full of shame and I'm filled with guilt and I am absolutely hopeless. About the time those pills hit my stomach, I heard a voice that said, Chris, don't do this. Go back to AA. And I heard the voice a couple of times that night and it scared me to death. I'm looking for the voice in this apartment. I mean, it's that loud. And I made myself sick. I said, yeah, but I'm arguing with a voice. I don't want to go back to AA. If the voice had said, Chris, shave your head and become a minister to the Africans, I mean, I would have got my visa. I mean I would've gone. I mean and I would of done whatever. Go back to AAA? I mean that seems a bit drastic. I've done that. I lay down on the bed, passed out, came to the next morning, luckily still alive, hung over from hell and heard the voice one more time. Chris, don't do this. Go back to AA. And I went and found a doctor that morning, went to work. I had to go to work without. I mean, I had I had To work. And at 6 o'clock that night, I went to a meeting that I'd never been to before. I knew where it was because the guide showed me where it is. He also said this is where the big book thumpers hang out. And I made a mental note as I'm thanking him for showing me that that I will never darken that door. This is a little much for me. But I was running late. I was hung at work and I couldn't get to the other meetings that I knew. and I went to this meeting, walked in the back door and they were laughing their butts off, folks. Y'all need to remember, this is like 19 years ago. I mean, I look rough now. You should have seen me 19 years go. And I had about 30, 40 pounds on me and it's all right here in the front. I got kidney damage and liver damage and I'm dying. I am certifiably crazy, folks I mean I hear voices on any given day. You know, it's constant arguments. Littlest decisions to be made. I can't make. It just throws me into a tailspin and there's a line in the book that talks about that our problems pile up on us and they become astonishingly difficult to solve. I mean, I walk in and I just can't decide, do I need to go pee first or feed the ferrets or, I'm just like a rat caught in a and I walk in and everybody's laughing and I'm so self-conscious you'd think spending most of my adult life walking around with a black eyepatch you'd get over being self-conscious you walk in the room and everybody notices you it's just that's the way it is my patch usually stayed perpetually crooked back then it looked like i wore a big earmuff you know it looked pretty cruddy and i had a big old full beard down here and i just little girl about 19 years old got between me and the door because i started to back out they were laughing i knew they were laughing at me. They weren't. They were excited about their life, but I was so self-conscious. And this little girl... You know how it is when a newcomer walks in? We had one in our meeting last night at the outpost in Ingram. And we had one walk in and I remember that discomfort walking in. You don't know anybody. You don'T know where you can sit. You DON'T know... That was me. And I walked in and I was uncomfortable. This little old girl got between me and the door and hooked her finger in my belt loop and said, Sit down, cowboy. and pulled me down in a chair next to her. I mean, Jesus, the courage of that kid. If she'd have been off in some little young adult meeting, I'd have Been Dead, there's no question. She just sat right there and patted my little leg and just got me a cup of coffee and laughed when I spilled it and got me another cup of copy and didn't laugh so much when I spelled it the second time. I came back with a roll of paper towels. I mean, I was detoxing. Y'all understand this? My treatment was over. I couldn't go back to treatment. There was no money, no insurance, and nobody was going to lend me anything else. I mean I was done with all of that. And I'm detoxing now. They went around the room that night and they all shared vignettes of their life. The chairperson was very explicit. Not like, this is your meeting. Share whatever the hell you want to share. He said very specific. Chris has been around the fellowship for years. He knows how to drink. We've watched him. He doesn't need to hear your story, quote unquote. He needs to hear how your life is different as a result of working these 12 steps. I went, I set up on my end and I said, yeah, that's exactly what I need to hear. And guys, those people shared with me like nobody else in the world can, like only people in Alcoholics Anonymous can. They didn't talk about little sunbeams for Jesus, folks. They talked about stuff that I, in my condition, could understand. Like getting your credit cards back. Getting a job that pays good money. Getting a decent relationship. Having kids. Going back to school. I mean, stuff that i had just given up completely on. They shared that stuff with me. About what happened to them as a result of working the steps. At the end of the meeting, i was pretty pumped. Maybe this is different. Maybe i'm on to something here. I'm seven years in AA and don't have a big book. Why? Nobody ever told me to get a big book. I didn't even know where you bought one. No, I didnít. I was going around to the Daltons and all the booksellers and I need a big books. How big a book do you need? Oh shit, I donít know. I did not know the book was called Alcoholics Anonymous. You all think Iím making that up. Iím telling you. We assume that the newcomer knows. The newcomer doesn't know jack that's the truth he's a he's a black screen old geezer came up had glasses like this and looking over him like this he says chris buddy welcome back thank you so much for being here he says listen let me ask you a question because we want to spend some time with you in this book um are you done i mean have you had all this fun you want are you are you are you done? Well, you know, one day at a time. He said, yeah, that's what I thought. He got his coffee and left. See, I've been around AA. I know all your one-liners. Big Book says that we live life one day a time, folks. It says to qualify the newcomer and ask him a very committed question. Are you done ? Are you ready to get sober? for keeps. I know I have a daily reprieve based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Daily means every day. It starts with a commitment. It's the problem in our fellowship today. We've stopped qualifying the newcomer. We spend an inordinate amount of time working with people that are not ready to stop. And I'm going to tell you, folks, in subsequent literature they talk about. One day at a time, one day at the time. Buddy, I don't want to work with somebody that just wants to stay sober today. Because when the shit starts to hit the fan, they're going to run. Keep coming back. That's what I did for seven years and it brought me to a suicide attempt. At our group, we don't say keep coming back, we say stay. Stay. We need you. The hard part's over. You walked in the room, you picked up a chip, the embarrassment is over. Now we're going to show you how to work the 12 steps rapidly so that you can have a necessary spiritual experience and never have to obsess about alcohol and drugs again. You can recover. There's a lot of hope. And that's what that guy shared with me that night. I went back and asked him, ask me again. And he did. And I said, yes, I'm ready. And he said, good. And he hugged me like a big bear. They followed me home that night I didn't know that. I was mortified. The next morning, they were on my doorstep knocking. How did you find me? How do you know where I live? Oh, we followed you home last night. What they did is they knew I was detoxing and they were worried about me. They didn't want to... They just followed me home. One of the old geezers got one of his little guys. He sponsored and said, go get the guy and bring him back to a meeting. And that's what the guy was doing. He wouldn't leave until I tried to dust him. Oh, buddy, I'm detoxing like a big dog. You know how we are when we're detoxing. We're a bunch of whiners. Oh, I don't feel good. And he said, yeah, I know. I remember feeling that way. Yeah, get your packs. Let's go. And shit, I did. And I went back up. We went to a 10 o'clock meeting and we went in the back and they opened it up and the guys opened the big book and he qualified me. It took 10 minutes for him to qualify me. to find out if I was in the right room or not. And then we got on our knees and we did a third step prayer. Boom. We went, got some lunch and came back and he gave me some notebook paper, a little notebook, and said let's start working on that old fourth step. Day two. Detoxing. You with me? I didn't finish that fourth step real quick. It took me a few weeks. But I got started on it that day. They gave me the instructions of the first piece. We're going to talk about that tomorrow, how you can get somebody into this thing. It's not this long, drawn-out process that we make it. It's just not. I've been in AA for seven years and never worked any of the steps. I'm there two days, and I'm already working on a fourth step. And I feel pretty good about myself. I'm starting to participate. Two weeks later, I've got a completed fourth step, I have seen some truth about me and my victim life, and I have seeing some ways that I can make those things right. I'm not even on that step, but I'm already seeing ahead that this could work. And I'm sitting on the tailgate of that truck and it dawns on me as I look around at the liquor stores surrounding me and my dope dealer lives in the apartment complex where I live and there ain't nobody in my apartment but a couple of stinky ferrets. It dawns upon me that the obsession to drink has been removed. I don't want to drink. Not I'm afraid I'm going to drink, I just... What happened? I'll tell you exactly what happened. The miracle that is AA took place in my life, just like I've watched it happen in thousands of other people's lives. I'm nothing special. But because I got willing to do some things I didn't want to do and had some good instruction, the miracle took place. That was 19 years ago, guys. I've been through some rough times in those 19 years and I assure you that not once did I want a drink. I wanted to jump off a bridge y'all can relate to that but I didn't want to drink and I didn'T want to drug and those moments that you had the other night you know what I'm saying the rat gone that's what a recovered alcoholic looks like folks and that's the hope we need to be sharing with the newcomer this is a lifelong process you didn'T get sick overnight you're not going to get well overnight shut up those guys had me working with others the first weeks I was there I couldn't sponsor because I hadn't been through the steps we'll talk about that more tomorrow on the 12 step stuff but they had me working with other drunks just like the little girl did with me that night taking care of me nursing me making sure I was heading to the light they had be doing that from day one folks and I didn't want to do any of that. Chris, help us answer the phone. Answer your own phones. Don't you remember me? I'm the most important person here. I've just been here three or four days. Let me get my feet on the ground. See, the difference was these people understood what Alcoholics Anonymous was about. They had experiences with God and they wanted me to have it. They loved me enough to tell me the truth. And they were very, very, very uncaring about my sensitive little feelings. You want to get well or not? Because you guys, you're not going to get well doing it your way. You can't. Everybody wants to. This is an individual program. We work at the best way we can. That's not true. That's what I'm saying. That's that's not what this book says. It's a very specific outlined process. It's got some latitude. But it's very specific what we need to do to bring about this thing called a spiritual experience. That's been my experience. That's what I want to share with you all this week. You can customize this just about any way you want. Each of us in our own way, the book says, are going to carry this message. Some of you are goingto carry it very gently and some of youare going to be a horse's butt like me and be a little more forceful with it. Whatever works for you in your own way You're going to learn to carry this message Effectively But it's got to be the same message Can y'all get down with that? The 19 year old kid in the back That's jonesing He gets sober He's going to carry the message The same message As the 40 year old sober guy is up here There is no difference We don't have New AA And old AA It's all the same I've heard that from podiums I've heard counselors and therapists in treatment centers espouse that crap and we're killing them by the thousands with it we're killing themby the thousands I want to read you something real quick in a conference-approved literature called Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age. Somebody just sent this to me and I thought it was so good and so appropriate. It's on page 119 in AA Comes of Aged. Observers have overlooked one very unusual condition in AlcoholicsAnonymous. Unless each AA member follows to the best of his ability our suggested 12 steps of recovery, he almost certainly signs his own death warrant. Drunkenness and disintegration are not penalties inflicted by people in authority. They are the results of personal disobedience to spiritual principles. It's cause and effect. I keep putting crap out in the universe, I'm going to keep getting it back. I mean if nothing changes Nothing changes It's so simple A lot of y'all are nodding your head And yet we insist on allowing This potpourri and AA Of take what you want And leave the rest I sponsor lots of guys Buddies Lots of guys I believe in strong sponsorship I believe it Hands-on sponsorship I don't believe In taking people Through the steps slowly. I don't believe that our job is to raise our sponsees. My job with you is to qualify you first, teach you, show you about the 12 steps and the 12 traditions and the12 concepts, get you involved in service and then hold you accountable after that. With me? Then go on to the next one. Then go onto the next one. You with us? He has a spiritual experience and gets connected to God and in daily meditation, God starts to tell him what to do. That's how it was intended. We come to our fellowship like this is the answer to everything. I mean, it always kills me when we go to an open disgusting meeting and the guys in Iceland call them dark tunnel meetings where you go in and there's no light at the end. We go to these open discussion meetings, right? And somebody's having a relationship problem. I want to talk about my own relationship. You're going to a collection of people who have a history of the worst relationships on earth. Could you give me some advice on relationships? And when we finish with that, can you talk to me about money? Oh my God! It just takes my breath away. Anyway, all that to say, what we're going to do tonight, we'll take a little break and what we'll do So we're going to do a little first step stuff tonight. It's one of my all-time favorite topics. When I finally figured out what this thing was about, when somebody finally qualified me and I understood that I had a fatal illness, it propelled me through the work. And it changed my attitude towards everything. and I am so grateful and will always be for those old men and women in that room who helped me see my truth, who slowed me down long enough, who cared enough to spend time with me to show me what was in that literature. And it takes effort. You know, a lot of people don't want to take the effort with a newcomer. I don't have time. Why don't you just say you don'thave time? That's cool. Flip them to somebody else. Bottom line. And then tomorrow what we're going to end up doing is spending some time on the rest of these steps and as always guys In these breaks, if you want to catch me, we'll come up and we can visit. I'll be glad to answer questions. I'm going to repeat myself. You are so free to agree or disagree. I'm no guru. If you can't reconcile it with what's in the book, I suggest you forget it anyway. You'll follow us on that one? I'm a firm believer in what the literature says, and I think it's pretty downright arrogant of us to think we've got this figured out in another way. I work in the treatment center field, folks, and I watch people. Everybody's waiting for the government or the hospitals, the doctors, somebody to figure out a solution to alcoholism and drug addiction. There's not one. If there was, I'd be here telling you about it. The solution is Alcoholics Anonymous for alcoholics, and that's a fact. It's the only fellowship that's ever worked. the problem is that the message has been so absolutely watered down, if we had another hour I could explain how that happened, you could sum it up in two words, treatment sinners and in defense of those wonderful people who continue to work in that field it was Alcoholics Anonymous who stood here with our arms folded and allowed it to happen and it's a cry in shame. Pockets all over the world, folks. People picking up this book again and starting to study the literature and they're having spiritual experiences. I get emails all day long from people who have long-term sobriety dying in Alcoholics Anonymous who finally reworked the steps had their own spiritual experience again and are excited about their lives one more time. And that's what we need to do, folks the spiritual path is where we need to be. And I realize that goes down sideways with some of you. And I'm sorry. I love you enough. I want you to think. I want us this week to talk about this stuff. If you've got some bones to pick, you've gotta choice. You can come up and find me in a group or wait after this is over and we can talk about it. Or you can take my business card and then email me like the coward you are. because i don't type so well and i need to warn everybody i'm in my last week uh i i i'm addicted to nicotine and i smoke cigars and i dip continually and then next week uh I uh I'm quitting and and I'm already irritable restless and discontent and I haven't even I haven' even stopped yet. So take that with a grain of salt. This is going to be fun. I'm honored to be here, guys, and I'll see you all in about 15-20 minutes. Thank you. welcome i can't believe they came back this is good yeah no kidding bless you uh for anybody that just came in my name is chris ramer recovered alcoholic Like, I, great conversation with some of y'all. I, I gotta, I'm choosing my words carefully tonight. No, because I learned a long time ago, actually it was after a Cocaine Anonymous talk I did in 2000. It's not what you say, it's how you say it that sometimes can be offensive. And y'all understand my passion in this. I'll try to be as calm as I can. I'll Try not to speak in tongues tonight. I don't want anybody to get freaked out. But it's okay to sit in this room and question something I've said because it makes you feel uncomfortable. I never had any real spiritual growth when everything was just going the way I wanted it and everything was you know what I'm saying sometimes it took somebody to say something to me it was not long ago it's been a while back a girl that I got sober with goes to my home group down there in the hill country and I'd said something in a meeting it was inappropriate in my attempt to be funny I'd say something that was a little off color and I shouldn't have said it. And she brought it to my attention. Now, I didn't want to hear that. I didn' t like it. I thought she was out of line. Doesn' t she know who she' s talking to? But as I'm driving home, I'm realizing that's what this is all about. It' s about spiritual growth. And all of us are going to make mistakes and all of use are going to get on the same path. Everybody is so, they're rather territorial about their program. I find it. I've talked about it from lots of podiums. You say something, well my sponsor says this. Well that's cool. Not knocking anybody's sponsor. My counselor said this, you know coming out of treatment. What does the big book say? This is the BS sifter right here guys. This is the literature we were given. This is supposed to be the message we're supposed to carry in. And anything else you want to add on to it, I think is wonderful, but let's not dilute the message and the process. This message was intended for the real alcoholic. That in itself grinds people. Is it a meeting not long ago in San Antonio and we were talking about we were reading on page 20 and 21 in the book. Some of y'all got your books you can look to. Bill Wilson two or three places in the books, three places he talks about the different kinds of drinkers. On page 20-21 he talks about the moderate drinker. You with us? Moderate drinker can give this crap up anytime he wants. He can take it or leave it alone. How many of yall know moderate drinkers? Some of you are married to them. They freak me out. I was in Oregon last weekend and I was on the plane going over and this nice little lady was sitting next to me and she ordered a glass of wine and she sipped it, a couple of sips like that, sat it down, started reading her book and that was it. You with us? The stewardess came by and said, do you want another wine? And she says, no, you can take this. In fact, it's hot. Given sufficient reason, the vino is hot. can you leave it alone? I don't care if there's a dead roach floating in it. Flip that little beggar out and drink it. That's a moderate drinker. Y'all with us on that one? Okay, next paragraph it says but what about the hard drinker? This cat may start off as a moderate drinking make hard drink or dig hard drink but given sufficient reason this cat can quit, can stop or moderate is what it says. I shared the podium years and years ago