Step 3 at the Courthouse Door — Open It, Breathe Deep, and Let Higher Power Walk In First – Matt K.

About This Speaker Tape

Matt K. shares his story at the Brentwood Workshop in Los Angeles, the first meeting where he laughed as a newcomer. Sober since November 6, 1978, he describes a harrowing bottom that included a quart of vodka daily, two six-packs of Schlitz malt liquor, multiple arrests starting at age nine, suicide attempts, and a car accident that caved in his skull and left him with permanent brain damage and loss of smell. His father, a major in the Air Force, died of cirrhosis when Matt was three and a half, leaving behind memories of violence that shaped Matt's rage for decades.

Matt traces his path into AA through his brother John, who got sober first and quietly twelve-stepped him by example rather than lectures. After a final run that ended with his mother giving him three choices — Germany, Hawaii, or thirty days of AA — he got sober but left himself an out on speed. A relapse on November 5, 1978 after a fender bender led a friend to tell him he had to go back or die. He went back and never drank again. He found sponsors who shaped his recovery profoundly: Clancy, who told him to take the sound engineering job and live his own life; Bob H., who taught him dignity and humor over twenty-two years; and Howard P., who relentlessly deepened his connection to a higher power through step work.

The heart of Matt's message is forgiveness. He tells vivid stories of making amends — to Frank, the guy whose girlfriend he slept with at fifteen, whom he later painted three houses for free; to Tom, who beat his head on the ground over stolen vodka, and who broke down crying at their twenty-year reunion when Matt brought it up. Matt describes battling throat cancer in sobriety, losing his marriage, brain cysts, cluster headaches, and transient global amnesia, all while learning that his two real problems are not getting his way and disconnection from a higher power. He closes by describing the mental shift that came from years of replacing angry thoughts with the mantra "God is good" — a quiet committee in his head, comfort in his own skin, and a desire simply to be of service among his fellows.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and welcome at the Brentwood Workshop, sobriety date November 6 1978
• 3:00 The last six months of drinking: quart of vodka daily, arrests, car accidents, suicide attempts
• 7:00 Hit by car at the Rainbow, brain contusions, friend Tom beats his head until eardrums burst
• 10:00 Three hits of Purple Microdot at the Grateful Dead, mother gives three choices, first attempt at sobriety
• 14:00 Relapse on November 5 1978, friend Doug says go back to AA or die
• 17:00 Running into Frank on a movie set — both told the other had died of cancer
• 22:00 Sponsor Bob H. at the courthouse: life is like the Academy Awards, let Higher Power walk in first
• 27:00 Throat cancer, divorce, professional victimhood, and the golden thread Howard taught him to see
• 35:00 Amends to Tom at the twenty-year reunion, painting houses for Frank as a living amends
• 42:00 Forgiveness as the core message, replacing rage with the mantra Higher Power is good, finding quiet in his head