Step 9 and the Extravagant Promises That Only Higher Power Can Do – Sandy B.

About This Speaker Tape

Tues-Thurs Group Anniversary - 2008

Sandy B. traces the trajectory of a life lived in the shadow of a deep-seated sense of not belonging from a childhood terrorized by a 20-foot crucifix to a career as a Marine Corps jet fighter pilot. He describes alcohol as a 'secret weapon' that finally silenced his anxiety and made him feel like the world was friendly a transformation that eventually led to a total collapse. Sandy B. maps out the wreckage of his final years of drinking—hallucinations a grand mal seizure and a stint in a psychiatric ward—before finding a lifeline in AA. He dismantles the idea of 'fairness' through the story of a plane crash that claimed his colleagues arguing that the only way out is a total surrender of the ego. He makes his case for moving beyond the 'comfort level' of the support system and into a personal spiritual quest to become a 'non-entity.'

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Carolyn introduces Sandy B., recalling her early years following his talks in Washington, D.C.
• 10:15 Sandy B. discusses the importance of staying in the literature and the complementarity of the Big Book and the 12 and 12.
• 15:40 Childhood memories of feeling like an outsider and the terror induced by a large crucifix in the Catholic church.
• 22:10 The 'social mixer' experience: how alcohol acted as a chemical solution to social anxiety.
• 32:45 Life as a Marine Corps pilot and the warning from Major N. about Sandy B.'s drinking intensity.
• 41:20 The physical and mental collapse: malnutrition, alcohol poisoning, and the 'childhood fear of flying' diagnosis.
• 48:15 Laughter: Sandy B. describes the hallucination where the school buildings disappeared.
• 53:30 The 'finale' in the nut ward and the eventual surrender to a sponsor on Pearl Harbor Day, 1964.
• 58:10 A lesson on fairness and the plane crash that saved his life by keeping him out of the Marine Corps.
• 1:05:20 Discussion on the difference between a support-system sobriety and a deep spiritual awakening.
• 1:12:40 Analysis of the 10th Step and entering the 'world of the spirit'.
• 1:22:10 The metaphor of 'seeking'—from hide-and-seek to the search for a Higher Power.