Step 9 – 2020 New England Big Book Workshop Weekend – Part 1 of 7 – 2020 – Kerry A.

About This Speaker Tape

2020 New England Big Book Workshop Weekend - 2020

A childhood defined by 'white lace curtain' Irish Catholic expectations and a 'genetic super storm' of addiction led Carrie A. to drink at age three and enter a cycle of rehabs psych wards and arson by her teens. After a series of near-fatal overdoses and a moment of absolute isolation—where her own mother drove past her on the street without acknowledging her—Carrie found a lifeline in the rooms of AA. She describes the slow often messy process of smashing the delusion that she could manage her life eventually moving from 'liars and criers' to a rigorous application of the steps. Through the amends process she transformed from a high school dropout who beat up classmates to a master's degree holder and a daughter capable of holding her father's hand during his final breath proving that the wreckage of a 'demon spawn' could be reconstructed into a life of service and stability.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Carrie A. introduces herself and discusses the humility of her Zoom connectivity issues.
• 2:15 Description of the 'white lace curtain' Irish Catholic family and the 'genetic super storm' of addiction.
• 5:40 Discussion of the Doctor's Opinion and the distinction between trauma and the disease of alcoholism.
• 10:15 Laughter: Story about her 'Britney S. moment' and the struggle of living in the Poconos.
• 14:30 Recounting the 'delusion' of trying to act normal and the subsequent relapse involving arson and violence.
• 18:20 The 'liars and criers' phase of early recovery and using the Big Book as a coaster.
• 22:10 The rock bottom of being kicked out of a crack house and the image of her mother driving past her.
• 26:45 The 'Ikea four-step' and the struggle to treat the spiritual malady.
• 31:10 Meeting Joe H. and the three questions that challenged her perception of the solution.
• 36:40 The process of making amends to her mother and the release of unrealistic expectations.
• 40:15 The impact of Step 9: making amends to her high school principal and pursuing a master's degree.
• 43:50 Final reflections on being present for her parents' deaths and the strength found in a Higher Power.