Step 7 and the Willingness to Convert Defects into Assets – Howard E.

My name is Howard Ebert, and I am still an alcoholic. I'd like to welcome everyone to the Sunday evening Big Book Comes Alive Step Study Workshop. I'm very glad to see some faces here I haven't seen in a while I'm honored that my friend Kasal is visiting us from Ireland much appreciated we have covered a lot of ground and we have already established that the 12th step is made up of three parts and let me put this up on the screen so you can follow me as we get into today's work. Let's see. Here it is. Okay. You all should have this in the email that was sent out. If for some reason you did not get the email, just send me another email at thebigbookstudyataol.com right here and ask to be put on the list. I did not Get a Lot of Returns this week, so we must be doing something right. Hopefully you're getting these things. If you're not, like I said, contact me and I'll make sure you get it or you can find it on the Facebook page or tomorrow it'll be on recovery speakers, be that as it may. We've talked about the fact that the 12th step is made up of three parts, a promise, a charge and a challenge. The first part, the greatest promise we offer the newcomer, a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. If we have done this work and we do this work by reading and doing what is suggested in the doctor's opinion and the first six chapters, That's where the directions, if you will, are contained for the promise. But nothing in life is free. So we're being handed a bill. We're being charged in the second part of the 12th step with the responsibility of telling people of our experience and to help them to have the same. That's the charge in the 2nd part of The 12th Step. We carry this message, and the term this message applies to grammatically, applies to the subject introduced in the first part of the sentence, which is spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. And that is covered in Chapter 7, working with others, and to a great extent in Chapter 10, to employers. But where are the instructions for the third part? practice these principles in all of our affairs that's the greatest challenge of all to put these principles these 12 steps into our everyday life and our home at our job when we're behind the wheel of our car when we are in the checkout line in the grocery store and it's the express line with 12 items or less and you've got two items and the old man in front of you has a cart of a hundred items. How's your program working now? So be that as it may, chapter seven is based on the assumption that we've had a spiritual awakening as a result of working those first 11 steps and that was accomplished through the clear-cut directions laid out in the doctor's opinion in chapters one through six. So having realized the promise, and let me just blow this up a little bit so you could see it a little easier. So having realized the promise, we're charged with this responsibility to carry that message in the second part, and we're giving our marching orders in chapter seven of the book, but where are the instructions for meeting the challenge of the third part? You see, I believe that this book is written in a particular sequence to guide us from one step to the other, to the next. And as Bill says, which the process requires for its successful consummation on page 25. And that successful consummission, of course, is the spiritual awakening. So accordingly, practicing these principles must be somewhere after chapter seven. But those chapters are directed to wives to family, to employers. So can it be there or not? Well, I set out to answer that question. That's the question I approached studying these chapters with, to find the directions for how to practice these principles in all my affairs. Where are the secrets of success contained in those chapters? Because Bill said the book is designed to show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered. That's the main purpose of this book. We knew it had to be in here somewhere. This design for living just wouldn't be complete without it, and lo and behold, Bill Wilson was true to form because these principles of success are indeed covered in those sections, but it requires, as Bill said in his appendix for Spiritual Awakening, it requires careful reading. So we set out to carefully comb through those chapters and extract Bill's advice for how to practice these principles. And if you come upon some pearl of wisdom that we have missed in our review, please pass it on. Let me know, send it to the big book study at AOL.com and we will include it because the list that I've sent out that's made up of the principles of success, and I'll put that up as well for a moment. started one page long it's now almost i think four or five pages long and it's happened as a result of doing this work and people contributing to it but let's go to turn to two wives let's get our book out and turn to page 104 because i want to retrace the steps that i followed when i came upon this information And I started on page 104 because, again, we completed Chapter 7 last week, working with others. We've got the instructions for how to work with others, so now we're on page 104, two wives or two loved ones, to open it up a bit more. And I have said many times over these months that we need to keep things in context, that when you take it out of context, the definition changes. Well, I'm going to violate that principle because what we're going to do today and next week is we're Going to Take Some Things Out of Context because they apply to the point we're trying to make here. So we're not going to be studying these chapters word for word, line by line like we've done before. We're going to comb through it to extract the information for how to practice these principles in all of our affairs. Where are the secrets of success? So I started out on page 104, and I didn't find any secrets of success on that page. So I went to page 105, and i didn't Find anything there so I went To page 106 And 107 And 108 And 109 And I was starting to lose Confidence I was Starting to think Maybe i'm on a wild goose chase Maybe it isn't here But I finished page 109, and I continued to page 110. And I was about ready to give up at that point. But I turned the page, and at the top of page 111, Bill got my attention. because the very first sentence on the top of page 111 not only gives me a direction for how to practice these principles, it uses the phrase that I've been using which is the principles of success. Bill says the first principle of success is you should never be angry. Now what I'm going suggest you do is highlight these things, obviously. But I've put a P next to each one of these principles of success to separate them from all of the other highlighting that we do. So it really doesn't matter what color it's highlighted in. And I'm just going to suggest that you put a T on it. Now, as I go through this, I'm going to keep the handout up on the screen. And what I'm going to suggest is this. At the top of the handout, you'll find seven words. These, I believe, are the spiritual principles that we try to live by as a result of having a spiritual awakening. I believe these are the foundations for every religion on the face of the earth, to practice tolerance, compassion, patience, forgiveness, humility, goodwill, and love. And as we go through these principles in the book, you may want to write down next to it on your list here, which spiritual principle does this apply to? So the very first principle of success that Bill mentioned is you should never be angry. Most important word in that sentence is be. Never be angry, it doesn't say never get angry. We're going to get angry, we have a 10th step to deal with that. Remember we watch for these things and when they crop up, We ask God to remove them at once, discuss them with someone, make amends, and turn our attention to someone we could help. W-A-D-A‑T, we called it. So the very first principle of success, you should never be angry, I think, applies to the principle of love, of goodwill, of forgiveness. Now, just because I'm suggesting that doesn't mean it has to be. You can put anything you want in nothing if you don't want to put them down. But that's the first principle of success. A little further down on the same page, four lines down, is the statement patience and good temper are most necessary. I think that's another secret of success, principle of successfulness, to try and be patient and practice good temper all the time. To me, that's goodwill, tolerance, patience, love. Let me blow it up a bit so we can follow it a little differently. Okay, there we go. The third one, the beginning paragraph on the same page, the second paragraph begins with you should never tell him what he must do. So again, we're not going to be telling people how to run their lives. We've done that for an awful long time in our lives. I did. I had the answer fell out. Everybody should practice their lives, but I try now to never tell anybody what they must do, and I believe that's applying tolerance and humility because humility is awareness of one's limitations and shortcomings, and if I'm telling you what to do, then I'm not paying attention to my own shortcomings. Here's the next one. A little further down on that same page, the next paragraph, one, two, three, four lines into the next paragraph says, have a useful and useful life. Useful is about goodwill, compassion, and service. How do I live a useful life? How is my life being useful if I spend it in service to others? This process of the steps has helped me go from self-centered to God-centered, to go from asking the question of what's in it for me? Why should I do it? What do I get out of it? To the question of what can I bring to it? How can I help here? What can I contribute? What would God have me do in this situation? So, I believe a full and useful life is just that. Service, goodwill, compassion. Three lines down from there. Do not set your heart on reforming. we're here to be of service to other people. And if they want what we have to offer, we will gladly give it to them. But to me, a reformer is somebody who sets out with the goal of changing somebody and that's not what I'm here for. If you would like to change, I can pass along the method that I've found for change, but I'm not here to convince you to change. The one thing you need to bring to the table here is willingness. If you bring willingness, we can give you everything else. So if I've set my heart on reforming, then I'm trying to change you and that's not what this is about. The next one in the next paragraph, about four lines down from the beginning of the paragraph, are three words, reasonableness and patience you may want to add the word be in front of it be reasonable and be patient what does reasonableness mean to me it means rational it means practicing humility practicing compassion there's a great secret of success principle of success be rational, be humble, be compassionate. And in keeping with that, in the same paragraph, three lines down is this, be sure you're not critical. We try to be helpful rather than critical. And Bill's about to say just that in a moment. And an effort to be non-critical is the next line. Put yourself in his place. How are we going to help anybody if we don't put on their shoes, if we do not see what it is like from their point of view? Right? Remember back in working with others, one of the first things Bill told us to do is find out all we can about that person and put ourselves in their shoes. So put ourselves into that person's place. that's how we can be most helpful and the next line contains this be helpful rather than critical and again the word be is significant being helpful rather Than Critical is something I try to do all the time not get helpful be helpful and here's what I love on the next page about oh one two three, four, five lines down. Show him you have confidence. And what does that mean to me? Faith. What is faith to me but knowledge, certainty, confidence? So show the person that you have conference. Don't be afraid of demonstrating your faith. If that person is to want what we have to offer, show what you have to offer. Show your confidence. And we're going to jump to the next page in the middle of the page for the next one because I think it's very much in line with what we just said. Share your enthusiasm. Share your enthusiasm Let's take a moment here. The word enthusiasm if you break it down means in god and theos from the greek word for being in god divine inspiration to be possessed by god to be wrapped in god the word enthusiasmos is the greg word for it we later changed it to another version in latin and french and eventually in the 1600s the english adopted the word enthusiasm and it means in god to be in sync with god in step with god enwrapped r-a-p-t is the word the dictionary uses to be enwrap with god and share that not that it's necessarily the same thing but my sponsor taught me a long time ago, that the people who succeed, and I know that's a controversial word, but the people whose managed to stay sober and maintain a certain degree of serenity and peace in their life are the people Who never lose their enthusiasm. Think about your favorite speakers. Aren't they all enthusiastic? They're not bored about this. They are enthusiastic. They want you to be as enthusiastic and into and as excited as they are. And if we remain enthusiastic and excited, we will succeed. That's how we reach peace and serenity. A few lines down from share, from show him you have confidence and share your enthusiasm. You should not crowd him. you should not crowd them give people their space live and let live is another word way of saying that but give people a space don't crowd them don't try and force them into anything and in keeping with that a few lines down is urge action without arousing hostility urge action i think that's compassion tolerance forgiveness humility goodwill urge action without being hostile and in keeping with that we're going to jump two pages to page 115. In the first full paragraph, which is about three, six, seven, eight lines down from the top of the page on page 115. I hope I'm not losing anybody. Page 115, about eight lines down, be on guard, not to embarrass or harm. Anita, if there's anybody in the chat who's expressing getting lost or please let me know okay just on mute okay i'll let you know please okay uh also on page 115 uh oh let's see the next paragraph almost the second to last line on that paragraph in that paragraph is the following courage good nature and lack of self-consciousness will do wonders, which spells humility to me. If I am showing courage and good nature, that is certainly goodwill and love, but lack of self-confidence consciousness to me is humility. I am aware of my limitations. I'm aware of mijn shortcomings. and here's a couple of interesting ones they kind of tie together in the very next paragraph on that page 115 it says it's best not to take sides in any argument and further on in that sentence it says use your energies to promote a better understanding all around now when this was written, it was put in the context of helping somebody while their family is around and suggesting that we not take sides in a family argument. I think we can extend that to one-on-one work with others where that other person is talking about what an inconsiderate person their boss is or what a mean person their spouse is or whatever. And I think the worst thing we could do is sign off on that, take a side in that argument. The best thing we could do is use our energy to promote a better understanding of that other person's point of view. Let's be open to what the other person is talking about rather than being closed and putting a name on that person. That person is stubborn, that person is an asshole. Whatever word we put on people, it allows us to avoid finding out what it is that they're concerned about. So let's use our energies to promote better understanding. Isn't that tolerance? Compassion? Patience? And here's a great one on the next page, on page 116, three lines down from the top of the page. be careful not to be resentful once again that word be props up we're not saying not to get resentful we are going to get resentment remember that 10th step says watch for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear and it tells us what to do about it it says when knees crop up. We ask God to remove them at once. We discuss them with someone immediately, make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone and turn our thoughts to someone we could help. So we're going to get resentful. We have instructions for how to deal with it. Being resentful is a state of mind that i was in for 20 30 years of my life was constantly replaying my angers and my fears and my sources of guilt and shame it was a movie that was running all the time in my head that's being resentful uh let's see on the same page um where are we here um at the bottom of the page it says as we begin to apply spiritual principles we begin the desire ability to do so there it is it's on it's uh in the second paragraph the paragraph that begins with we have elsewhere remarked how much better life is in that same paragraph it ends with as we begin to apply spiritual principles in our lives we begin to see the desire ability to do so I know I've changed a couple of words I've change the words as our husbands I've changes the word we but the point is still the same where am i oops i'm sorry i lost the page i lost the page as we begin to apply spiritual principles we begin to see the desirability of doing so so i put in parentheses the words that i changed but basically when we start to experience spiritual growth the more we want to grow spiritually as we begin to have these little mini spiritual experiences we want to grow more in spirituality and um the on page 116 four lines up from the bottom of the page put spiritual principles to work in every department of our lives the spiritual principles at the top of the stage tolerance compassion patience forgiveness humility goodwill and love put those principles to work in every part of your life you know there's the expression of uh you know do the next right thing which always drives me crazy if i knew what the next Right Thing was i wouldn't be here or people saying do what god wants me to do what God's will is how do i know what God will is well one of the ways i know is I asked myself, does it violate any one of those seven spiritual principles we listed at the top of the page? If it does violate them, it's not God's will. If I put those spiritual principles to work in every area of my life, I believe I am functioning in the world of the spirit we read we have entered the world of the spirit we're now in this fourth dimension where we're in harmony spiritually mentally and physically how do we stay in harmony by putting these spiritual principles to work in every part of our lives next page um the second full paragraph begins with faith and sincerity and then we jump to the rest of the sentence which says should be regarded as part of your education for thus you will be learning to live use our faith use our sincerity another word for sincerity purity remember the oxford principles of purity honesty unselfishness and love faith and purity are part of our everyday life and we learn to live better if we practice those things um further on on that same page on page 117 uh towards the bottom last line on the page last line be careful not to disagree in a resentful or critical spirit i think that's so important because it doesn't say do not disagree It tells us how to disagree. If we're going to disagree with someone, there's a way to do it. I respect your opinion. I just see it differently. Or you may be right. I don't know. But we don't drag up the past. And that's what resentful things are to me. If we're arguing about something that just happened, it doesn't help us accomplish anything if we start throwing the past at one another. And that's what arguing in a resentful manner is. Going back to something that happened yesterday, last year, last decade, or arguing in the critical spirit, which is saying things like you always do this or you always do that. We're not criticizing, we're trying to disagree and come to some common ground, some peaceful resolution, and we'll never resolve anything if we are critical and if we are resentful. So I think that's important. When we disagree, try to avoid being resentful, try to avoid being critical. And the next page, 118, that first paragraph ends with the words avoid disagreement or contention. The word contention means striving for rivalry. I spent most of my life striving for rivalry. I loved to get under your skin. the easiest way for me to form an opinion is find out what yours is and once I know what it is I disagree with it in any possible way I can just to irritate you just to get under your skin I am all I am disagreeing and I am being contentious it's one thing to disagree it's another thing to strive for disagreement and that's exactly what i did for so much of my life strived for it i used to love the uh late groucho marxist song whatever it is i'm against it well that was the way i went through life most of the time okay jumping down to the next paragraph on the same page 118 four lines into the next paragraph patience tolerance understanding and love are the watch words remember back on page 84 bill said love and tolerance of others is our code after the nine-step promises he says that what a nine-stop observances well here is saying the same thing patience tolerance understanding and love are the watch words so are the rest of the words on the top of page one goodwill forgiveness humility those are all watch words those are things we strive for in our daily life um same paragraph two lines down here are these four words live and let live live and that live don't try and change everybody don't try and the world just live andlet live let the whirling dervish whirl sometimes and in keeping with that on the very next line it says show a willingness to remedy your own defects if i'm living and let living and focusing on my defects then i'm living the way i think i'm supposed to live but i'm not supposed to show a willingness to remediate my own defects that is what the seventh and the tenth step are all about and here's a great one the next paragraph ends with a two-word sentence be patient doesn't say get patient it says be patient here we go with that word be again but now we're using it in a very positive way be patient and you can apply that to any of those other six words at the top of the page be tolerant be compassionate be uh patient forgiving forgiving be humble be loving show goodwill be all of those things um next page 119 four lines from the top of the page when resentment when resentful thoughts come try to pause and count your blessings now remember when we were coming across resentment back on the fourth step instructions bill tells us what to do when resentfully set them on paper but if you remember back on page 87 bill also says we pause when agitated and on page 88 we practice pars p-a-r-s remember when agimated we pause there's p we ask for the right action a we remind ourselves we're not running the show we're not in charge that's the r and s say many times throughout the day thy will be done page 88 his instructions in the 11th step pars pause ask remind say but also when we find ourselves falling into a lot of this resentment how about starting with the other side of that chart of that list how about counting our blessings the things that we're grateful for in our lives as silly as it sounds a gratitude list it always helps put things in perspective um at the bottom of page 119 three lines up from the bottom are the following words cooperate rather than complain. Cooperate, be helpful, be part of the solution, not the problem. Turning over to page 120, the very first five words on that page, 120 is to have a sense of responsibility for others be of service we have a responsibility to be of surface to other people people say sometimes i don't know why i got sober why did i get that and then this other guy didn't get it and he's always relapsing or that guy died i don't know why i'm here i know why you're here you're Here to give the message that you got and the blessing you got and the spiritual awakening you got to other people that's our charge in the second part of the 12th step we have a sense of responsibility for other people and here's a great one think of what you and it's in the next line on 120 the second line of the page think of What You Can Put Into Life Instead Of How Much You Can Take Out I was a taker most of my life always what do I get out of it why should I do this what's in it for me well try and approach things differently try and approach things on the basis of how much you can bring you may want to ask yourself that question when it comes to go into meetings when i go to meetings am i going there to take something or do i goto that meeting with the thought of bringing something to somebody think of that am i using this these meetings as a spiritual gas station or am i coming there to try and contribute something um okay also on page 120 uh in the middle of the page you need not remind him or her of their spiritual deficiencies that's why we relapse incidentally spiritual deficiences why we relapse. When people go out after a period of sobriety, I think we ask the wrong questions when they come back. It's not about, well, did you stop going to meetings? Did you stop talking to your sponsor? I think We Asked the Wrong Questions. I think the question should be applied towards the spiritual deficiency in their program. Meaning, ask that person how much time did you spend each day in prayer and meditation? What's that? Not much. Oh, okay. How much time did you spent each day deepening and enriching your spiritual life through intensive work with others? Ding, ding, ding. Page one, page 14. How many times did you do that? Oh, not much either. Oh, I see. And here's the third question. How much time did you spend each day in inventory? What? I'm sorry. Oh, none. Oh. And guess what? You were supposed to relapse. There were enormous gaping spiritual deficiencies in that program. You're not praying and meditating. You're Not Helping Others. You'Re Not Doing Inventory. what is the 10th 11th and 12th step to you if not that so we don't have to remind them of those things but that's what people relapse over spiritual deficiencies i believe um let's see the next line cheer them up and ask them how you can be even more helpful, right? When someone comes back, remember it is our job to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and our fellow man. So be helpful. Ask how you can be helpful if you can't think of it. Ask how you can be helpful at the same time the next paragraph begins with this never never and i for some reason i didn't write down never twice on this list i'm gonna have to revise that because the book says never never try to arrange a man's life it must be important if he uses the word twice which to me sounds very much like the thing we passed up a little while ago live and let live don't try and rearrange a person's life. Be helpful, don't try and run their life, rearrange their life. And here's one on the bottom of page 20 that I think we can apply to just about everything in the course of the day. Place the problem along with everything else in God's hands. Bottom of page 120 words to live by great advice whatever the problem is put it in god's hand and take action to correct it right it's not just simple as god here take this defect whatever the defect is whatever the program is we have to apply our self-will to the opposite of it and with god's help and our self-will, we will act on that asset and solve that problem. Because our problems, we think, are basically of our own making, aren't they? Well, if they're of ourown making, then they can be of ouron unmaking. If we ask God to help us do that, and then we act along those lines. Okay, we're going to jump into the next chapter, family afterwards. We'll see how far we can get in this. We may even finish this meeting. Page 122, the family afterwards on page 122 in the first paragraph, right about in the middle of the paragraph, meet upon the common ground of tolerance, understanding, and love. And you can add the other four words from page one, add in compassion, add in humility, addin goodwill, forgiveness, all of those other words, meet on the common ground of all of these things. if i carry those spiritual principles into every aspect of my life and i meet every problem and every person with those thoughts how can i go wrong how can I be wrong and the next thing bill says is a very next sentence this involves a process of deflation ego no lack of ego here practice being of service not being egotistical bill said that the only requirement for the first step is a complete deflation of ego we have to have all the air out of our sails um let's see what's next on page uh 122 oh same page i'm sorry next page next page uh the second to last paragraph the paragraph that begins with father knows he's to blame three lines in from that is he shouldn't be reproached reproach just means criticized once again if we are to be helpful if we are to me of service we can't be critical we have to be hopeful so be hopeful don't be critical next page page 124 the paragraph that begins with Henry Ford Henry Ford once made a comment or a wise crack but three four lines down from that is we grow by our willingness to face and rectify errors and convert them into assets up darn doesn't that sound like the seventh step golly gee whiz Andy we face our defects we ask God to convert them into assets, and with God's help and our will, proper application of the will, we act on the asset, not the defect. I love that one. Same page. Now here's a few that I think all tie together. The next paragraph begins with this painful past may be of infinite value to others. That's the first part of this thought. There's three parts of this thought, actually four, one on the other page, but he's just pointing out our painful past is of infinite value to others. Right? We already know we are uniquely qualified. And remember, we came across that word uniquely a long time ago and unique means without parallel. We are uniquely qualified because we know of the hopeless state of mind and body that is active alcoholism and addiction. And we are properly armed with facts about ourselves. We are aware of the solution, the steps, and we have put them to work in our lives. So we can be of infinite value to others because of our past and further on uh about four lines down from there is the sentence be willing to bring former mistakes no matter how grievous out of their hiding places right take those things those skeletons out of the closet because of the first part of it they are of infinite value. Our former mistakes are helpful to others. The bottom of that paragraph is a rather long sentence, but it says cling to the thought that in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have, the key to life and happiness for others. With it, you can avert death and misery for them has that that our dark past is our greatest asset and it can be put to a useful purpose and here's the useful purpose it can avert death and mystery for other people we don't bring out our past to showcase we don'T showboat we're not trying to talk about how bad we were the things that we did so people are in awe oh whoa that's terrible no we bring those things out because they can be of service to others and we can possibly help them avert death and misery and on the next page one of my favorite things um is this line going back one which is the third part of that first sentence we are painful passes of infinite value bring them out of their hiding places and here's why unless some good and useful purpose is to be served past occurrences are not to be discussed so the purpose of bringing up our past experiences are to serve others to help them avert death and misery we don't bring up our past so people could say oh wow that was terrible that was a wonderful horrible thing that you did no I'm not here to prove to you how bad I was. That's not what this is about. The only reason I bring out my past is to help somebody, not to boost my ego that I did something worse than you did. Continuing on, on page 125, almost in the middle of the page. i love this we do talk about each other a great deal right think about gossip but we almost invariably temper such talk by a spirit of love and tolerance which means not gossiping because gossip is not a spirit of love it's not a spirit of tolerance what did bill say gossip is a polite form of character assassination it's our ego saying we're better than somebody else no we talk about each other but we temper it with love and tolerance and here's one i really really like we do not relate intimate experiences of another person unless we are sure he would approve or she would approve and the very next line says stick to our own stories here's an experience i have i used to go to my home group every sunday morning uh with this one guy week in week out we would go to the meeting together, leave together. And at one point, he relapsed. And I spent a weekend driving around the state of Connecticut trying to get him into a treatment center and finally got him into one. And the first week I went to the meet-up, I was like, I'm going to be without him. No one said anything. The second week they started to ask me, where is he? Everything okay? What's going on? And I said, yeah, it's fine. He's just not feeling well. and that week was visiting day at the treatment center, and I went up there, and I asked him, what am I supposed to do here? Your friends, the people who care about you, your home group, people who love you are asking about you. What do you want me to say to them? And he said, tell them the truth. Tell them where I am. If you want to give them my phone number and address, they want to come up visiting day, they're welcome to do it. Please tell the truth, so I was able now to relate an intimate experience of that other person because I had his approval and I stick to my own story I don't listen to you telling your story I go to a meeting and someone shares their experience strength and hope and I like something that you said so I adopt it into my story that's dishonesty that's nonsense stick to your own story there's enough in your life in your story to stick to and here's a great one um what page we page 127 jump two pages three lines down from the top of the page here's that word again be be thankful be thankful not get thankful be thankful that should be a state of mind we should always be that way and since we are starting to run short on time i'm going to jump and skip a couple of things here um but as long as you have the list you can find them all uh i'm gonna go to page 130 um bottom of the page four lines up from the bottom meet responsibilities gallantly gallantly right don't run away from our responsibilities we joked about in working with others there were the 12 inconveniences that if we work with others we're going to wind up with those things meet those things gallantly yeah I know the phone rings in the middle of the night and I get up and I see who it is and oh god damn it him again but I pick up that call and I meet my responsibility gallantly and if I have to I get dressed and I take that guy to treatment so I meet My Responsibilities gallantly um a little while down on page once um i'm sorry uh page 131 yield here and there yield meddle with a page don't be inflexible yield and continuing with that thought play an effective part in the new life be effective be helpful be of service and here's a great one activity should be balanced you know we got sober to be responsible productive members of society if you've got a family and you're neglecting that family by going to three meetings a day or four meetings a day or working with your sponsees in place of working with your son who has to do some reading assignments for school, that's not very balanced. So everything we do should be balanced. Activity should bebalanced. Page 132. Smack dab in the middle little page we absolutely insist on enjoying life and that it actually may want to highlight that in green because that's a must really we absolutely must enjoy life you know when we were drinking we were very often having fun but we never enjoyed life right that's why we drank because it offered us an escape from that unenjoyable life but now that we're sober we have to enjoy life and we insist on enjoying life um let's see i'm going to jump again on page uh 133 be happy, joyous and free. Now it's my belief that those are three different things. Those are three perhaps levels that once we come in to recovery, and I'm not facing those four horsemen every morning. I'm not dealing with terror, bewilderment and all of that. I wake up each morning and I am happy that I am not concerned about where my next drink or drug is coming from. I am Happy to be part of the solution. I get up and I go to a meeting. And after a while of doing that and working the steps, I get joyous. You see, I believe the word joyous is spiritual in nature. The word joy to me means an experience that comes from within, not without. Joy is internal. So as I do this work and I have spiritual experiences, I become joyous and as a result of these steps i've had a spiritual awakening and i am free of the past free of the chains that were holding me back happy joyous free it is a process it's not just once it's like here's a package be all of those things i think it's something we have to work at um later on the page towards the bottom never belittle right never talk down to anybody never again criticize right let's jump to page 135 at the end the end of at bottom of page 135 there are three things in italics and we see these things up on the walls at meeting places all over the place and when you take it out of context like putting it up on the wall it could change the meaning but if i look at it the way it is in the book i think these three things are what I call the three P's, P's of recovery. First things first means priorities. To me, first things first are priorities. I am a compulsive list maker and once I make a list of the things I have to do, I prioritize them. What has to be done now? now what has to be that's first things first prioritize live and let live patience the p there is patience live and Let Live Be Patient Let the Whirling Dervish Whirl easy does it what does that mean persistence persistence in practicing spiritual principles now that last expression easy doesit is sometimes taken off the wall and used as a justification for how you should work the steps don't worry about them for the first year one step a month all of this nonsense in the book easy does it is in the chapter family afterwards and it's directed at the family and telling the family easy does het least he's not drinking he's on a spiritual path easy does it for us easy does it means persistence continue to work in pursuing these spiritual principles it doesn't say kick back and work a step a year it doesn'T say wait six months until you work to do a fourth step it doesn'T say any of that one thing this book is abundantly clear about is it wants us to get busy stay busy and help others to get busy so if you have that list and if you come across any other things and you want to add to it just send me whatever it is to the big book study at aol.com and i would gladly add it to the list uh we are our time is up we did ask uh george to read page 164 i'm going to put it up here, if you wouldn't mind. And when you're about halfway through, we're going to open it up and ask the rest of the group to join us. And if you would, George, take us right into the Lord's Prayer right after that. Can you see that, George? Yeah, I can see it. Here you go. Okay, our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come if your own house is in order, but obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the great fact for us. Please unmute and everybody join us in the rest here. Abandon your souls as you understand. And God, may he have all of them to be with you and to your fellows. There are ways that we can change the past before you find the place that shall be with even fellowship Amen. Thank you for a great meeting. Thank you, Kathy.