Step 7 and the Prayer That Lifted the Fear – Jay P.

About This Speaker Tape

1964, West Palm Beach. A wedding at a flower shop for twenty-five bucks, wilted roses, and a bride who had been beaten by her previous husband. Jay P. describes the wreckage of a life built on the "gift" of lying—a talent he used to convince himself he could drink without consequence

. He recounts the grit of his early years: reformatories from age eight to seventeen, a brief, failed stint in the Navy, and a career as a marine engineer fueled by Thunderbird wine and blackouts. He speaks of the "fear of impending calamity" that clung to him like a second skin, a terror that only lifted when he finally stopped lying to himself.

After smuggling gemstones in Sri Lanka and destroying his marriage, Jay found a Higher Power through the blunt honesty of a sponsor on a trailer stoop. He moved from the delusion of control to the simple, stark reality of "I can't," trading the blackjack tables of Vegas for a yellow legal pad and a house cleaning.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Jay P. opens with a joke about the timekeeper's stop signs and guns.
• 6:15 Childhood memories of emotional absence and the 'gift' of lying.
• 15:40 The 'poster child' era: Jay P. discusses washing ashtrays and coffee cups in his home group.
• 18:20 Step 1: Discussion on the 'real alcoholic' and the delusion of being normal.
• 24:10 Step 4: The inventory process and the resentment toward Siraj, the man from Sri Lanka.
• 31:15 The first drink at age 13 and the allure of Thunderbird wine.
• 38:40 The heartbreaking memory of his mother praying for a dead baby over a living son.
• 46:10 The honeymoon with a bottle of liquor and a random bum from the side of the road.
• 53:20 The moment of surrender: knocking on his father's door in 1974.
• 61:10 Meeting Jimmy, his first sponsor, and the 'one day at a time' philosophy.
• 72:40 Amends and the reconciliation with his mother before her death in 1999.
• 80:15 Final reflections on his father's last letter and the closing applause.