Step 6 and the Quality of Willingness – David A.

Good morning. My name is Don Bruner and I'm an alcoholic. I'd like to welcome you to Gopher State 11. It's good to see so many of you out there. I can't help but be curious, have we got any Al-Anons in the crowd this morning? That's great! We alcoholics have always been generous people and we shared our disease with you. And I think it's only fitting in property that we might try to share our recovery with you, but before you get too smug remember if it weren't for us you wouldn't be here. I'm not too much on telling stories, but I would like to try to tell one. There was a lady that was very much in love with dogs and she became totally enamored of the hairless Chihuahua, and she bought one. And she brought it home and as it started to grow, it wasn't hairless, it started to grow hair and it turned out to be a long-haired Chihuahua. And she was pretty upset about this and talking to her friends, she says, well that's no big deal. Go down to the drugstore and get some hair removers from there or something like that and put it on the dog and you'll have a hairlossed Chihuahu. And she went to the drugs store and she asked for some of this hair remover and the druggist gave her some and says, if you're going to use it on your arms, I would like to tell you, please don't get out in the sun too much and don't wear a sweater for the next two or three days. And she said, no, it's not for my arms. And he said, well, if you're gonna use it your legs, I suggest that you don't wear any stockings for two or three days. He said, No, it is not for my legs. And finally out of exasperation, she said it's for my chihuahua. He said, In that case, I I would suggest that you don't ride a bicycle for the next two or three days. For those of you who aren't awake yet, I would like to suggest that you try to pinch yourself or do something to become alert, because the man you're going to listen to this morning speaks at a normal rate of speed of about 300 words a minute and with gusts up to 500. And you'll have to be specially attuned if you're going to hear what he says. David is our good friend from Dallas, Texas. He is serving currently as trustee at large for us. And I would Like to tell you that being trustee at large means that he can serve more people in our fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Having a title doesn't give us any authority or anything like that, it only gives us the right to serve. And David has been a servant to us as a delegate and now the last three years as a trustee and has been good servant. Please help me welcome David A. from Dallas. Thank you, Don. Hi, everybody. My name is David A., and I am an alcoholic. And only because of God's grace through the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous am I sober this day, and for this I am so thankful. First of all, I want to thank your committee for inviting me to share me with you and you with me. and this is a wonderful, wonderful weekend. And this is not my first visit to the gopher and it's wonderful. The only thing I know about being an alcoholic is how I drank and the only thing that I know about living sober is Alcoholics Anonymous. And since April 20th, 1967 I have not found any reason whatever to leave AlcoholicsAnonymous to find an easier way to live sober a more comfortable way to life sober a more sociably acceptable way to live sober a more fun way to live sober nor a more exciting way to life sober thank God I haven't had to go to one of them action reaction courses concentration movement related disorders institute hang in there till your drawers fall off baby all of those things that some drunks and alcoholics anonymous today believe that they need in order to become more than or better than and the only way i know how to make an a talk is it's is it in our book of recovery that our story is disclosed in general way what we used to be like what happened and what we're like now but we're going to change it around a little bit this morning because i have been asked to talk on some things, but I like to talk about what's happened to David. I started drinking at a very early age, the age when most youngsters are doing things and going to school, and I started on an active basis at about ten, ten-and-a-half years of age. On an active base, and then I started—on the first skid row that I was to live on, and I lived on three in my lifetime, one for over six-and–a–half years and one for four-and‑a–halb years, but the last fourteen months was the toughest. And I started drinking Bay Rum and wine, and that was the standard fare. I didn't have to be down there. I came from a very, very wonderful and loving family, a family that dedicated their lives to give to the two sons that were born of that marriage everything that was denied them when they were growing up. And if one of the sons is going to be an alcoholic, I don't know of a better deal than you've got a mother and father that's willing to go to any length to keep you out of trouble and never turn you towards a solution and never allow you to look up and face the things that need to be done. and I cannot fault them because they were doing the best they knew how. And I got into more trouble than there's trouble. I found it doesn't take an alcoholic long to find out which one he can put the bite on, which one will lie for him, which one'll cheat for him which one's going to go talk to his family, which won't bail him out of jail which one won't pick up the hot check, get the cars out of hock and all those other good things. And I used people in everything in this God's world because alcohol turned me into something that I did not want to be and thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous. AlcoholicsAnonymous brought to the world the one thing that ours is not a moral illness. Moral, as we understand in Alcoholics Анonymous, is not the same as society understands it. They get immorality mixed up with moral. If it's a moral illness, how can it be moral if it's self-inflicted and you don't want it and you can't get rid of it? And so consequently I did not know this. My first encounter with Alcoholics Anonymous was in 1950, over 33 years ago. And I was invited to come to an AA meeting by some members of Alcoholics Anonymous who could see in me what I could not see in myself. They had been trying to net me from 1947 on and finally they nailed me and I came and I went out after the meeting and I got drunk and I came back in, started to fight and they threw me out of the group. and the next 17 years everything that could possibly happen to a human being happened to human beings and so consequently as a result of it and i finally ended up in alcoholics anonymous screaming and hollering and a dead individual 17 years after that meeting i've been i came off of that last skid row that i was on i was sleeping in them 55 cent night hotel rooms and shoes tied around your neck, because I had condemned my own self and my own mind that I was going to die drunk, that I would be helpless and hopeless. And thank God for the book of Alcoholics Anonymous. In the foreword to the old printing and also in the new one it says that we have many men who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And thank god it was there because I no longer had any life to live. I went home once the last nine months that I drank because I was one of them stay-away-from-home kind of drunks. Not on purpose, I'd get drunk and disappear. I remember one time I was gone nine months and no one knew where I was. My mother and my father and my wife, my kids, my patients, nobody knew where i was. And I come running in the house with the same clothes on I'd had on for about three months and I asked my wife this brilliant question, did anybody call? and that does not make for a good marriage relationship and many many years later I was to come to that house the first time in nine in the last nine months that I drank in the same clothes once again I'd been in I looked at my wife hoping hoping hoping that maybe she had some clue maybe she had some answer. Maybe she had some solution. And I said, Grace, why don't you find another man that'll marry her? You're such a fine lady and the mother of two beautiful boys and the two beautiful... Find another man that will marry you that'll be a good husband to you. That'll be as good father to those two sons. I cannot function as a husband. I cannot work anymore. I'm going to die drunk. And I guess it's the only time I told her the truth that I said, I can't stop drinking. And I grabbed that wine bottle and out I went to proceed to try to kill myself. And I ain't never seen a drunk yet that dies when he wants to. And somewhere along the line on April 18th, 1967, I really don't know when it was until recently, and a few years ago rather, I found the handwriting on the floor of the county jail there in Dallas, Texas. And by this time I'd run out of everything in this God's world and I couldn't stay sober and I could not stay drunk and I couln't kill myself and I couln't stay alive. Now we hear a lot in Alcoholics Anonymous about having a dual problem. Well when I come to AlcoholicsAnonymous I had the worst dual problem that any alcoholic could have. I coudn't say sober and i coudnt stay drunk. Now that's a real dual problem and when you can't kid yourself and you can' t stay alive that's our worst dual problem the rest of it is right down the line we hear them today they come in today and think it's new you know they drink a little whiskey or a little vodka and they take them them uppers and downers and around the corners well when I was ten and a half years of age and starting drinking down on Skid Row you know I learned long ago and you get your little bottle with little wine leavings in it and throw in a few cheap whiskey in it and about 20 aspirins in it and smoked some of that non-habit farming weed and you could take a trip you couldn't even buy a ticket for, you know. And they say, You don't understand. It's been with us. And so consequently I come screaming in. I'd run out of everything in this God's world and I come to Alcoholics Anonymous saying close. I said I'd been in for about three months. I got down to where all I had was a pair of thermal underwear, an old pair of gray flannel pants with all my possessions in my pocket, an old gray sweater with the elbows out the elbows, no socks but I still hadn't quite lost everything yet. I had a pair custom-made beat-up old alligator shoes. And the only money I had were 30 cents and that was left from the last blood I'd sold at the blood bank to buy wine. and when you come to AA in that shape, you ain't doing too well, I'll tell you. But I remembered after I'd exhausted all those things and that those drunks had called on me in 1950. All I could hear within me is AA, AA, AAA, AA. And I says, if I ever get out of this jail, I'm going to call those people in alcoholics and honest. And when I got out of jail, the lady that asked me to come to that meeting, I heard she had passed away, but she was continuously sober when she passed away there was another gal who worked in the same shop that invited me which was her sponsor and at that time in 1950 she had 15 months sober now for all it's anonymous i heard she had moved away but there was a man at that meeting he was sober at that particular meeting and i heard later that he'd gotten drunk he was sober eight years and he drank for eight years and this month he will celebrate his 19th continuous sobriety of this trip around and so consequently I called him and he is a man that normally that you cannot reach by telephone he's either in Europe Japan South Africa somewhere Australia he's with this or that flying all over the world and wheeling and dealing and the morning that I called his secretary says just a minute and he got on the phone and he says who is this and I told him he says, what do you want? I said, W.O., are you still interested in Alcoholics Anonymous? And he says, yes. And then he said, who is it for? And I said it's for me. He said, well we have a meeting tomorrow night let's just go and get it over with and don't you take a drink of alcohol today and call me in the morning. And that's all he told me. And after 37 years just cold turkey, well it's more like frozen buzzard if you want to know. I started walking and shaking out a drunk and when I come to the next morning, I was sober and I didn't have a belly full of tranquilizers or prescription for 500 more. And for this, I am so thankful. It's a kind of sobering up. You don't hear much in Alcoholics Anonymous anymore. And the best way I can describe that kind of sobering is, you know, it's like a natural childbirth without any anesthetic. It hurts like the Dickens, but you sure got a wide awake baby. I don't mind telling you. And I started walking and then called him at 730. He said, are you drinking? And I says, no. He says, don't you take a drink alcohol today and call me at 3 30. And finally at 3.30 I called him again and he says are you drinking? And I said no sir. He said do you really want to come to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting? Well by this time I was willing to crawl through six feet of snow naked just to see what kind of people you were that had this insatiable desire not to drink alcohol. And he said you want me to come get you? And being about as humble as Hitler, I said I'll get there under them on steam and he said well he says i'll tell you when you turn the corner there's a whiskey store on the left beer joint on the right don't you stop buying and consuming the alcohol he said because when you get out there i'm gonna search you and i'm going to smell you and david if you're drinking or drunk i'ma throw you right through the front door you david cannot come to alcoholics anonymous drinking or drunken there's another side story to it because he was one of the participants in that fight and i was just whooping the dickens out of him in 1950 and they rung in two more drunks about the size of outside linebackers on the Dallas Cowboys. And they finally subdued me, as I said, threw me out of the group. And so I met him out there and I walked in, and I walked into this group. And this is what you call a silk stocking group. A beautiful facility, a beautiful facility. And it looked like everybody in there got sober when Coolidge was president. and here I am in the same clothes I've been in in God knows how long but thank God and flies were still buzzing about me you know and they looked at me like a new dog in the neighborhood you know I can smell you run up and look at you you know and everything and they say and so consequently as a result of it in that particular group and they wouldn't let me come to any open meetings for the first six months they made me stay in the kitchen because they didn't want me to embarrass that high clientele they had and so I'd wash coffee cups now we didn't have styrofoam cups and Dottie was talking about it last night and he brought some members and we washed coffee cups and I swore up and down that by God and you had to use soap and water and they didn'T have a dishwater I saw if I ever made any money I don't care if I had to steal it I was going to put a dishwasher in that doggone place you know and I was in there and no one, you know, and I'd go ask them questions and they'd say, shut up and listen. You ask them something and they said, don't drink, read the big book, go to meetings, work with drunks. And so consequently nobody was talking to me and there was a gentleman in there and a fine member of Alcoholics Anonymous by the name of S.A.F. And no one would listen to him because all he talked about was the 12 steps of recovery, the 12 traditions. He talked about the third legacy. He talked about the concepts, and no one would listen to him, and noone would talk to me. And so he started talking to me, and I found somebody that would talk with me, and he found somebody who would listen. And he started telling me about all these things, and he says, now David, if you're ever going to become responsible in Alcoholics Anonymous for anything in Alcoholic Anonymous, it starts with recovery. That is the basis of our whole operation in Alcoholical Anonymous. And he says, and the sooner you get those steps in your life, the sooner you'll start to become more comfortable. And I was about 43 days sober in Alcoholics Anonymous and in comes this sponsor of mine and he says you meet me down in my office next Wednesday morning at 8 o'clock and I says what for? He says take your fourth step. I said well they say that I haven't been in Alcoholic Anonymous long enough and he grabbed me by the arm and he took me into the secretary's office and he says, Miss Secretary, give him his sobriety card. In our group we fill out a card and it's filed under your first name not the last name and you put your date of your last drink and who your sponsor is and he said, Give him his sopriety card and then he said Now give him a pencil with an eraser on it. I said, What's that for? He says, You erase my name as your sponsor and put down they and I said I'm not going to do it I said, when I come here and no one was talking to me and noone wanted to sponsor me and I'd ask people and they'd look at me and the only reason you took me on is because you knew my father and you respected him so much and it was out of just pity and kindness of knowing my father that you took me on. He says, okay if my name is going to be on your card as your sponsor and you're going around here telling everybody I'm your sponsor you're going to do exactly as i say or get somebody else i said yes sir i said now you said something about this fourth step i said how do you do it he says i've been waiting two weeks for you to ask me that he said you've been sitting up there telling everybody how smart you are and how brilliant you are how much you read in that book of alcoholics anonymous he said if you read the book of alcoholic synonymous in the fifth chapter in the fourth step it has a format of how to take the fourth step and he said if it's good enough for them drunks that got this deal started so nuts like you can come in it'll be good enough for you he says and i'll tell you what he says now you want to write a good four-step inventory i said i'll show you what you do he says why don't you sit down and write all the reasons and you're so important that your picture front and sideways with all your scars and markings and tattoos and fingerprints and a number hanging around your neck is hanging on the post office walls that used to hang in 48 states. And down at the bottom, write the reason that you are so affluent and important that your picture can hang there with George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. Nasty, wasn't he? But he knew, he knew. He knew exactly. and i took that four-step inventory i wrote her down and then i went to see him the following wednesday he looked at me he says you do the first two parts of fifth step before you come down here i said what are you talking about he said did you admit to god to yourself before you come down here I said nobody does that he said 51 days sober now I mean for 51 days sobering alcoholics anonymous and you know what everybody's doing you're going to do it i says you're crazy he says you're gonna be dead if you don't he said i'll tell you what you do you go into the men's room you lock the door and then you go into the commode and you lock the door to the commod and you get between the commodo and the wall and you look up at the ceiling and you admit the exact nature of your wrong to god and then you come out of there unlock it and go to the sink and right above the sink there's a mirror you look in the mirror you admit the exact nature of your wrongs to you then unlock the men's room and come in here and admit them to me and as I'm leaving he says and by the way don't you go in there and stand in that corner and tell God who is and for how long and forhow much he says no you talk about those things that we refuse to recognize as moral those defects that made our lives unmanageable resentment selflessness dishonesty and fear and not wanting to tell anybody how sorry and rotten how phony you've been all your life and how those defects of character have twisted your life into the kind of life that you've got today. And David, he says, I'm going to tell you right now, we are condemned to relive our past lives if we do not take and live these 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And so I went in there and I locked the door to the men's room and I went into the commode part and locked the drawer. Felt like a fool. It was just a one-holer. But I was afraid not to do what he told me. Thought it may have had a hole in the roof he's looking in and peeking in, you know. So I get in there and I admit the exact nature of the wrongs to me. I unlock the commode, come around the sink, start admitting the exact nature of wrongs for me. And guess what? I caught me not telling me what I told God in the mirror, but what I said to God in a corner. I said, well, if I told one thing to God, me one thing, what am I going to tell him? So I run back in the commod, do it again, come out, look in the mirror, do that again, sounded reasonably the same. Unlocked the door, come running in there, and he says, are you ready? I said yes, sir. he locked the door he told the secretary to cut the calls off he said how many times did you go in the corner I said two times he said I went three he said now I tell you I did this for a reason he said you go around here and you tell somebody part of your rotten story you tell this one a part of you a rotten story a part or this one your rotten history he said David that's what you call spreading the dirty linen that's called that's why you call spreading the disease he said now God's here you're here i'm here let's get with him and i started in and for the first time in my life i buried david from the inside out and when i got through he said how do you feel and i said i feel better than any first time of my life that the first times that i have been honest with another human being to the best of my capabilities at that time And I said, and one of the reasons was the fact that I wasn't afraid that you'd call somebody with a butterfly net. I wasn'T afraid that YOU WOULD CALL THE POLICE. You just sat there and you looked and you smiled. And then he says, well, all you've done is talk about it. What are you going to do about it? When you leave here, you're still going to take you with you. I said well, that's what I got you for a sponsor for. He said, all right, I'll tell you what you do. he says when you leave here you go home and you get the book of alcoholics anonymous and you turn to the last paragraph of the fifth step in the sixth chapter and you read it and you do exactly what it says to do and then you turn the page and you need to read the next two short paragraphs and he says david if it takes you more than 10 minutes to take six steps six and seven if you have done exactly what it says to do then you have not been down here with a kind of a fifth step that A.A. suggests that we take he says because after six and seven you're going to go out and you're gonna make amends to those people whom you've harmed and unless you're willing to do something with six and eight and thank God for Bill Bill put those six and nine in there because those steps were not in the original six steps from the old Oxford movement before our twelve steps of recovery were put into as we know it today. And Bill plugged the holes. He plugged one hole in the third step when he put God up front, and then he plugged the other holes in when six and seven between because it used to say you talk these things over in confidence with another human being and then you go make an amends and apology for things that you have done. But he plugged those holes with six and seventh. And so I went home and I took the book down from the shelf And I did as he said, and he says, Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour. Carefully reviewing what we have done, and we thank God from the bottom of our heart that he knows us better. If one does read the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm going to read it to you. Beginning of the fifth chapter in the fifth step, he says we are above all else trying to establish a new relationship and a new attitude with our Creator and discover the obstacles in our path. And AA is real sneaky. If you go down to the next paragraph, it says if we do not take in, use this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. And then as you flip on over to the Next page, it Says, Being along with God doesn't seem as embarrassing as talking it over with another human being. But we find we have that same old egoism. And here comes the payoff in the fifth step, that if we're to live a reasonable, comfortable, and happy sober life, the time now comes where we have to be honest with anotherhuman being. And I took that book, as I said, and quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what it did. Turning to the page containing the twelve steps, carefully reading the first five proposals, we ask ourselves, have we omitted anything? For we are building an arch through which we shall walk, a free man at last. Now, I'm free of alcohol that day, but free of what? Free of the obsessions of the mind, defects of character. That where I can go out and make amends and apologies and begin to live in the mainstream of life as a human being. And if Alcoholics Anonymous could not turn a human being into the mainstream of life as a useful and productive human being, it wouldn't be worth the dirt. That's the name of the game and we call it the AA way of life. Have we omitted anything for building an arch in which it was to walk a free man at last? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on this cement put in the foundation? and have we tried to make martyr out of sand? If we're satisfied, then we'll look at the next two proposals. And I turn the page and although the sixth step and the seventh step are not printed out as we know them in 12 and 12, we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects and humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings. And so the sixth steps is a quality of willingness. Are we now willing to let God remove all of those things which we have found objectionable? Can he not do it? If we still cling and hold on to something and will not let go, we just simply ask him to make us willing to let go. And when ready, we say something like this. And you know, when I come to you people, I didn't know how to pray. Y'all would say all these prayers and I went to my sponsor and I said, I don't know what to do. I don' t know how they pray like you people do. He said there are three prayers in the big book, dummy, read them to him. And here is where I found the second of the most beautiful prayers. And when we're ready, we say stuff like this, My Creator, I'm now willing that you shall have all of me good and bad i pray that you now now you ain't gonna have to have no seminars and no study groups about now it don't mean tomorrow it don'T mean yesterday or 10 years from now are you now they'd have got to remove all these defects which you found objective you bet you bet amen and we have completed step seven and today i know exactly what he means about step six and seven and you know you're talking about prayer that first prayer that i found in the book of alcohol you hear i was at a meeting the other day and and this little drunk said it's god's will that i buy a honda and i said god don't care if i buy honda he wants to know what's going to be my attitude uh when when i can't pay for it and i have to repossess it that's what he's interested in and so way back it sets us up for god's will and little did i realize it was going to set me into an area of living in alcoholics anonymous that i had no possible imagination that ever would happen and that prayer is in the third step with if we decide that this is a decision to make it says a most tremendous prayer god off myself to deed to do with me and build with me as i will relieve me from the bondage of self that i may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those that are help of thy power thy love and that way of life may i do thy will always which sets me up for having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps we try to carry this message to alcoholics and we carry the message into the world we live in by practicing these principles in all our affairs and so I broke it into here because for the reason that I was sober in this group for a year and this fine old gentleman that I'll tell you about but I'll back up a little bit I was five and a half months sober and he looks at me and he says to me he says you know he says I was a former delegate and gosh I'd like to go back up to the general service office and Bill has his anniversary sobriety to New York Intergroup in October and I want to go but he says I don't want to go by myself would you go with me and I said I don' t have any money I don''t have any clothes I'm not employable nothing else and he says that's okay that's ok go ahead make a reservation for two and he said I want to fly on American Airlines and my head dropped because I had gotten drunk on one escapade and they weren't served i was drunk on the airplane and i had a sack full of whiskey down by my feet and they wouldn't and the gal wouldn't serve me any whiskey she said i was too drunk and i took the bottle out and started drinking it she says you can't do that on the airplane i said by god you sell me a drink of whiskey and i'll put my bottle up and she says no you're too drunk i said i ain't too drunk to drink my whiskey and argued with her and pretty soon out comes the captain and when they come out with their cap and their coat on you know they mean business. And he says, put that bottle down. And I said, you get her to sell me a drink and I'll put it down. He says, I said put it done. I said make me. And when he reached over to him, I cracked him right across the face with that doggone thing. That was on American Airlines. And they made a non-scheduled stop in Amarillo, Texas. That's the first time American Airlines has ever sat down and the last time at everything. and there's three men come through the door and the first one I had on a crew cut haircut and a black suit and hush puppies I found out later who he was FBI the next one was a sheriff of Potter County and God he was about six just like one of them sheriffs you read about in Texas you know about 240 his old belly hanging over and six shooters sticking down about six foot four but that last cowboy hat that come through there and those eyes I didn't want to see him he's a Texas Ranger and he lived in the little town that I was living in and his youngest son and my youngest son were the two best of friends and they took me down and once again they asked me those questions questions psychiatrists used to ask me my wife used to ask me about why did you do it and I had no defense and they remanded me in the custody of this fine Texas ranger and I lived in this little town 84 miles southeast of Amarillo. And we drove and he never said a word. You know what's worse than getting a message? Waiting to hear it. And he pulls in the driveway and he said, Get out! And I was barred from flying American Airlines and now I'm in this program I'm trying to get honest I could fly under an assumed name but I didn't think that was cricket. and so i called my sponsor up and i told him of the dilemma he says hang up and about 10 minutes later he says you call so-and-so i said do i have to he says yes and so I called Warren up we had gone to Southern Methodist University together and he was the executive vice president of that particular airline at the time and he says uh your your AA sponsor just called me and he said that a gentleman you would like to go to new york and he wants to fly american airlines and he says you know that you we can't board you under your proper name and we canít keep you going i said well i'm in this way of life that says that you got to tell the truth and if i've got to lie about it why i don't know the better start then i better not go i better stay home i gotta start somewhere he said all right he said i'll tell you what we'll make an exception go on and make the reservations in your own name and in his name and we went and we went up and the minute we got on that airplane he sat down the gal comes around you know said would you care for a cocktail old sa looks at says no he's had plenty leave him alone and he started talking to me about AA and the history of AA and Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob and all the good things and everything like that and that's the fastest trip I've ever flown in my life the next thing you know we're sitting down at LaGuardia and the next day we're up in our general service office and that is when the AA way of life book came out or as Bill sees it And he was in there autographing him, and Nell Wing, who is the non-alcoholic Bill's secretary, and she knew S.A., and she said, David, would you like to meet Bill? And I went in, and she says, sit down. And I found out that he wasn't a guru. I found that he was a human being, and he was an alcoholic. A very, very human individual, but a real drunk. a real drunk and so consequently that was a wonderful experience and then when i went to the dinner that night and and at the dinner they always talk about in those days they pass the candle to table number one and table number two and they say well you know what i'm going to do was is a vacant seat where dr bob would be for dr bob and they turn out the lights and everybody's asked to light a lighter or match or something and there's 3 000 people in there and i'll tell you what you talk about having a spiritual experience the experience of a human being among people who loved life as a result of a gift and on the way back home he talked to me some more and more and then i was a year sober and they asked me that if if i would like to be the general service representative and i said what's that and he said you'll find out first i was an alternate for two years and then I was a general service rep for two years, and then finally an alternate district committee member, and then later a district committee members, and finally the alternate delegate. And then in 1977, why, I was blessed by being elected by an area to be a delegate to the General Service Conference. And so I got involved in what we call service in Alcoholics Anonymous. and service a lot of times in Alcoholics Anonymous they say oh that's for them politicians you know and we hear it all the time in AA we hear in groups and everything else I ain't going to go to that meeting old so-and-so he's saying the Lord's Prayer he's reading how it works he's making the coffee he's collecting the money he's the secretary she is well if you know you know how to stop it in your group very simple if you're asked to do anything in AA and you turn it down don't gripe at the ones that are doing it And I come as a result of the second legacy of unity that, you know, in Alcoholics Anonymous there is no fellowship in the world that places a higher priority on the life of a human being than does AlcoholicsAnonymous. Because we know that to drink is to die and to stay sober is to live. it's the only fellowship in the world that puts that high priority on anything else and it's the greatest force of unity that we've got our traditions you know many many years ago many many years when the united nations moved from san francisco to the present headquarters in new york and our old general service office on east 45th over used to overlook it and one of the early addressees of that move at that time when it moved to new yark was former president of the United States Herbert Hoover and he was alive at the time naturally and so and he talked for 20 minutes about one thing. He says if the United Nations in all of its actions and all ofits dealings in all over the world would live by the most perfect set of principles that he has read about and heard about from a fellowship called Alcoholics Anonymous that this would be the greatest world to live in. And naturally, there's a bunch of drunks sitting around not doing nothing. And that was television in its infancy and the radio. And they heard it on the radio and their ears popped up. And he says, by God, guess what? If that United Nations takes what Herbert Hoover says to heart, they're going to have to have some experience in AA. And we're the only ones that got experience in AAA. and by God, guess what? Us drunks will be running the world, you know. And so they, let's go tell Bill and so they borrow somebody else's car borrow $5 for gasoline $2 for cigarettes and off they go. And they get up to Bill and Bill's back in the back in his little house writing some of his writings and Bill says, What's going on? What's gone on? And they come with their eyes open and frozen at the back and say, Bill, Bill. Now the story had changed from the time they left Manhattan and get up the way to Westchester County Now, us drugs, we don't lie. We just embellish a little bit, you know. And the story changes that Herbert Hoover was down there and he told them that the United States better use the 12 steps of recovery and the principles of AA or the whole world's going to blow up. And he says, Bill, guess what? We're the only ones that have experience. We're going to run the world. We'll be wearing striped coats and swallower tailcoats and we'll have an ambassador ribbons on us and we can park in no parking zones in front of fire plugs and get diplomatic can't you just see a bunch of drunks running the United Nations you turn on the television at 11 o'clock in the morning this voice comes on hi world my name is David A. and I'm an alcoholic and we're down here at the United Nations this morning for the opening session and the ambassador from Russia is having a tough time understanding so we're going to ask him to read a portion of chapter 5 how it works And on the agenda this morning is going to be open-mindedness, honesty, and willingness. And before we open, we're going to say the serenity prayer. And for you civilians that don't know what it is, the words will come across the bottom of the screen and you can follow it. And be sure to turn in for an important 5 o'clock news flash because we have confidential information. that the ambassador from Syria is going to take his fifth step with the ambassador from Israel and even Bill got up but then Bill said wait a minute boy wait a minute boys wait a min we've got all we can do to take care of our own kind AA is not for everything in everybody the singleness of purpose and so consequently as a result of it you know and and and we come to you know our common welfare should come first personal recovery depends upon a unity and you know back in those days in alcoholics anonymous you know you bring a drunk in you know in and and a drunk he'd be drinking he'd slide out the chair and somebody will get up and talk about drink and drunk says let me talk and you know how drinking you tell him shut up and listen you know how a drinking drunk answers you when you tell him shut up make me and somebody says don't talk to that drunk that way after all he's a brother alcoholic and somebody say shut up and that starts a fight and what happens right away they get to arguing about who's who what's what and everything else and if there's anything a drinking drunk likes is somebody making a fuss over it and what happened to the meeting meanwhile there's a little drunk comes to the meaning he's got a concrete block as big as this room in there and he wants to talk to somebody and they're arguing about who's right and who's wrong and he's hurting and he suffering. And so sometimes you have to ask them to leave and sometimes you bring them back when they're sober to hear what? To hear the message. For the group must go be on functioning if that drunk is ever to get sober and stay sober in Alcoholics Anonymous. As I said before, our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. And back in the old days of AlcoholicsAnonymous, you know they didn't have any women in the group you know and when the first woman got sober and hey oh my god it's going to ruin it you know. And it was long about that time they were getting ready to write the book of Alcoholics Anonymous and they didnít know what to call it you know and they wanted to call the first hundred men and she said heck no by God theyíre going to call 100 men and a woman. And they said no that would make the title too long. and she had one of them women alcoholic fits you know she got up stomped around and raised nine kinds of cane so they had a vote there were 12 in the meeting there was 11 against her and one for her and then they were going to name it you know uh way out and then it comes up so they had a drunk by the name of fitz mayo and and he was traveling down there to uh to washington and They asked the old fix to go look into the Library of Congress and see how many books there were. And he'd come back and said, well, there's 12 called away out. And they said, Well, this would be number 13. That would be too unlucky. And so consequently, they were going to call it something else. And finally, one night, AA then is like it is. We've still got members of AA who think that AA will cure everything. You know, earaches, headaches, backaches, toe aches, everything in this God will just bring them on in, you know, and use this recovery program and everything's going to be all right. And so they brought a pure nut out of the nut house in Connecticut. And they brought him to the meeting and they put him over in the corner and said, you sit over there, you know, maybe he'll hear something. And they're arguing about what they're going to call name the book and they keep hearing this mumbling over inthe corner and he's mumbling and one of them says, shut up. And the other says, wait a minute, wait a moment, listen to what he's saying. He's mumbling, anonymous alcoholics, anonymous alcoholic, anonymous alcohol. What about alcoholics anonymous? So before you get too good and too well in AA and too religious, just remember from whence the name of our book come, From a Nut. But to go back to the women in AA, you know, and they didn't have any women and they did have Halinon and they used to call them the auxiliary of them others and they'd meet in another room and they used to have guards standing outside the door only for real alcoholics to come in. And one night they had a and there was a drunk by the name of Jimmy Burwell and God helped Jimmy Burwall I'll tell you one thing he is responsible for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of alcoholics getting sampled because he was an atheist and he's the one that you know he'd go to a group meeting in New York City and they get to talking about God and everything else and you know and he says, by gosh, I don't believe in God and I'm sober and I've got just as right to be a member of alcoholics. And he'd raise all kinds of cane and tear up the meetings and so they'd get rid of him and they would just move the meeting place but never tell him where it was, you know. But the problem was they were running out of places to meet and so finally to get him out of their hair Dr. Bob and Bill formed an automobile polish company and made him a sales manager of a one-man sales force and sent him out to sell a polish that wasn't even manufactured and never was going to be manufactured. Just get him out of the hair. So he wanders off to Philadelphia, and he does what any good sober drunk that wants to stay sober, he go gets him a drunk. And if you do read the book of Alcoholics Anonymous in chapter 7, it says there is nothing that will so ensure the immunity against drinking than intensive working with other alcoholics. This works when all other activities fail. And he finally found one to take to bait, and they got a group started and they used to have a little blurb in the newspaper and in those days you'd call them the fixing drunks. If you've got a problem with alcohol and you want to get fixed, come to so-and-so and to me. And so that night they had this guard out and in comes this gal just drunker and a hammer and her name is Gladys and Gladys later moved to Dallas and was a member of the group that I happened to be a member of and God and she had been a farmer show gal or something and she'd come in you know in one of them flapper dresses with a little net over her face with a little old hat with a feather sticking out of it and fishnet holes and sling pumps, you know, open toe, open heel, and thongs around her ankles. She had an old boa wrapped around her neck that looked like it'd been dead for about 20 years. And she comes in and she says, where do you fix drunks? And this drunk looks at her and he says, you go in there. She said, what's in there? He said, that's for them other folks. She says, by gosh. And she reaches those paper out and she said, it says if you've got a problem with alcohol then come here and you fix drugs. he said you go over there ain't no woman no alcohol and she took off one of them sling pumps and she darn near beat that drunk to death and after he picked himself off the floor he said well if you're that serious about it go on in and consequently that drunk that was a guard that night was our co-founder bill's friend and sponsor ebby thatcher and ebbey later became gladys's sponsor later became glass the sponsor and back in them days you know they used to call them red ride hood and wolves in a And they had a group I come into, and they had them red riding hoods and wolves, and they got that bunch in AA that get good before they get well. And now in AA today, they stop drinking and they quit smoking and quit cussing and jogging. I've never been arrested for fat driving. I don't know about anybody else. And so consequently, how do you get rid of them? So they sat down and they wrote Bill a letter. Dear Bill, we've got these red ridinghood wolves in the group, and they're ruining our reputation. And Bill writes back, dear group, are they staying sober? Love, Bill. They said something wrong with Bill. So they wrote a more detailed letter. You know, and they started embellishing it a little bit. Bill writes Back, dear Group, are you staying sober, love, Bill? They said Bill really doesn't understand. So they sat down and wrote a very, very definite, fine, long letter about all the lurid things that they thought that were going on and he sent it, registered airmail, special delivery, return receipt requested. The letter came back, dear group, are they still staying sober? Darn it, don't bother me anymore. Well guess what happened? That group was so busy writing letters and waiting for the answer they forgot to look over and see the ones that they were criticizing. And when they looked over, guess what? The situation had taken care of itself. And I'm so glad the drunks shared this with me because that means, David, you've got all you can do to take care of your business with the God of your understanding. And members of Alcoholics Anonymous, that's their business with The Gods of Understanding. Thank God. Thank God . . . thank God. And it went right on down the line, you know, and so consequently as a result of it . . ." And then the more active that I became in how service enhanced my sobriety, it has made it just wonderful. And October a year ago, I'll tell you, one of the greatest blessings that I believe that I have ever been given in my life. And I don't know how I can ever be able to thank the members of Alcoholics Anonymous. The only way that I know how to is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. And I've been the delegate to the World Service Meeting. And the last World Service meeting was held October a year ago in Mexico in a wonderful conference center outside of Mexico City for our delegates from all over the world in Alcoholics Anonymous that have a general service structure. And that was a tremendous thing to be with those all over the world, the language of the heart, the languageoftheheart. And they had one little physician from Uruguay. And Uruguayan got into Alcoholics Anonymous by the way of Argentina. And Argentina got into alcoholics anonymous by the way of Anne McFarland who used to be one of our old staff members on a corresponding basis. And Argentina sponsored Uruguay into Alcoholics Anonymous. And here is this fine little physician, and one of the agenda and workshop items had to be with the twelve concepts, the first three concepts, and they didn't have the twelve concepts in Uruguay. So he flew all the way to Argentina and hand-translated into English so he could converse the entire twelve-step concepts of world service. And we got drunks today that if a tax cab don't get them to go right around the corner to a group they going to meet. And this is Alcoholics Anonymous at its purest. You see, many, many all over the world, the only contact they have is the experiences that our groups have shared through our general service office all over the world. All over the word. And that was a tremendous experience and the next one will be this October in New York City and gosh I am just on needles and pens thank god it's one day at a time to once again to meet friends and and we talk about it believe it or not the same thing in norway and sweden and finland and by god we got a bunch of groups now growing in poland and there's a very very very intense effort for alcoholics anonymous in russia out of our emphases mind you among the troops and all over the world the same thing what are we going to do about the druggies the straight druggie's that come to alcoholics anonymous what about 13 stepping in the groups what about this what about that it's the same all over the world because drunks are drunks drunks or drunks they're a little bit more sensitive about their anonymity than some are in this country and so consequently as a result of it you know in alcoholics anonymous we hear all about personalities and everything in alcoholic synonymous and so through service we begin to learn and we begin to find out you know our 12 steps is how it works in our 12 traditions is why it works and our co-founder bill knew in 1962 that the drunks are going to want more than and so he sat down and he wrote our 12 concepts of world service so that the baby that's born not too far from this meeting place right now a drunk that's laying out in this parking lot that is totally drunk and totally oblivious to this way of life they'll get as good a break as you and i've got as good of break asyou and i have gotten and so as a result of it you know you're talking about personalities and we hear it all the time and we get calls and say is so-and-so sober and alcoholics anonymous why he just he just made a million dollar i mean a million seller record or all let's get him to talk at our convention and then he'll perform nobody says is he going to meetings does he belong to a group is he working with drunks and i'm going to tell you about two celebrities in alcoholics unless we talk about them you'll never hear there's an alcoholic by the name of horace fort a tremendous member of alcoholics anonymous and horace was the son of a methodist minister and he went all the way down and he and someone stuck the book big book of alcoholic synonymous on it and while he's laying on skid wrote. And he read the book, and he came to Alcoholics Anonymous, and he was a tremendous talker. And he was wandering around down in the Big Bend country down there in southwest Texas. And he ran across a Mexican sheep herder. Now it ain't too populated down there. You may run across eight or nine people, but they got nine million goats, nine million sheep, cactus, rocks, and that's it. And you ask one of them sheep herders down there, what do you want to do about you drinking and he'll say why and old horace could speak spanish fluently so he got to talking to this mexican and mexican wait a minute i've got a buddy at the next ranch over he's worse than me so they go get him and they both get sober that the horse is talking to him and he's talking to him in spanish and that's before our books were translated in spain and he began to read the book of alcoholics anonymous to them and then he wrote some things in spanish for them easy does it first things first and the mechanics of a etc and etc and then he stayed with him for three weeks and those two drunks met every day and then finally one of them moved 120 miles east and those Two Drunks five days a week they were the only two sober members of Alcoholics Anonymous down there for many many years five days A week one would drive 60 miles to the west one would drive 60 miles to the east by this time literature had been translated into spanish and they'd bring their books and they bring a lunch and they have a two-hour meeting and they drive back and about six years ago one of them passed away he was 28 years continuously sober in alcoholics anonymous and three years later the other one passed away and he was sober 31 continuous years of sobriety and alcoholics but let me tell you at the funeral in these little towns they didn't have a church they didn' t have a building they didn''t have a gymnasium big enough to hold the people both funerals were held in the football stadium and they came from miles around by this time groups they started working with drunks groups got started and these men walked around town and and grandkids would call them grandpa and kids would call him daddy and they were two of the most respected people they'd never amounted much as far as as far a financial gains are concerned one of them didn't even have a car when he passed away but they had the richest thing in the world they had a kind of a love they had the kind of a love that dedicated themselves to help alcoholics and in turn to see families grow up about them families being reunited and some weren't reunited they went and got somebody else's family and got together this thing that makes Alcoholics Anonymous this fellowship that grows around us to see a fellowship grow around us is one of the most beautiful blessings in AlcoholicsAnonymous And you know, we don't have to worry if somebody tells us the truth or is lying to us. The trick is to stay sober and see what happens. And so as a result of it, when the tradition started affecting my life, and little did I realize how and in what manner our traditions would affect my own personal recovery. Early in sobriety, I discovered that if I were to live a more comfortable and rewarding life, my common welfare had to come first. For my personal recovery is totally dependent upon being in total unity. not only with our 12 steps of recovery but with AA's primary purpose of staying sober and helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety by recovering from alcoholism. And this came about by life by recognizing our common problem, our common solution, our common recovery and our common father, the oneness of one. If God as I understand him were to express himself in my conscience then I had to become one of his trusted servants. And this in my AA not only thus in my AAA group in the AA fellowship life I had to become a trusted servant, not a governor nor a member of a governing body for Alcoholics Anonymous. I spent many, many hours, months, days and a few years in jails, missions and rehabilitation farms, many days, months and years separated from my family, sanity and sobriety. But I found that none of those were requirements for AA membership, only my desire to stop drinking alcohol. and a tremendous freedom was given to me and at the same time a tremendous burden was lifted from me when I found that I can be my own autonomous self. No longer do I have to try to be like my father, my brother, my mother, my wife or my children or anybody else. Just a way to be and become the best me that I could become so long as in doing so I do not adversely affect the AA group of which I am a member, other AA groups or AA as a whole, the very basis of my sobriety. And as a result of being a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have now but one primary purpose in life. Having had a spiritual awakening as a resultado of our 12 steps of recovery and having found a way to live our principles in all my affairs, I now have a living message to carry not only to, with, and other recovering alcoholics but to and with the alcoholic who is still drinking and to and would the world in which I now live. A way of life that can and will fit in and work in and under any and all conditions and circumstances. If my common welfare comes first, a loving God is my ultimate authority, the freedom to be myself, a singleness of purpose in living and caring and sharing, then I now can afford the luxury of encumbering myself by becoming a part of any AA entity or any entity outside of AA that will or does endorse, finance or lend the AA name to any related facility or outside enterprise thus blocking me from diverting me from my primary purpose and what a tremendous freedom of self that i experienced when i began to become reasonably self-supporting through my own contributions by being allowed to go back to work thus allowing me a way to pay back my financial amends and once again to be able to try to support my family and you'll never know the feeling that swept over me on the night after four months in Alcoholics Anonymous when I put a quarter, the first quarter I put in the collection basket. A quarter of the dollar that I earned that day by sweeping floors and also on the same night giving 50 cents to the group secretary to apply towards my big book which my group allowed me to purchase on credit. Well that's not really the truth. I gave them a hot check on a non-existent bank and they were allowing me to pay off the check, and the other quarter I put in the coffee kit. And that's the greatest dollar I ever spent in my life. The greatest dollar I ever spend in my life. And I know today that my personal recovery to be fully enjoyed, then I find that I need always remember that Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional. And to keep fresh in my mind that our service centers may employ special workers and pay them decent wages for if we are given the freedom to earn a good living then those employed in our service centers also should be given the same freedom as long as we are not buying our sobriety oh what a tremendous lifesaver tradition 10 is in my life early in my sobriete my good loving but tough sponsor said david i better not catch you using a's good name to further any political social legislative fraternal professional or any cause that will get you and our wonderful and life-giving saving and loving fellowship involved in any public controversy he said david you may vote as you please but only as an individual and as long as you do not use aa's name in connection with it another discovery and realization came over me when i discovered that no one no human And no member of Alcoholics Anonymous is or has the authority or the right to speak for AA as a whole. Having had many opportunities to be a part of radio, press and TV presentations by strictly observing the 11th tradition in those presentations, the calming and umming rewards internally are feelings that are difficult to explain, but feelings that one needs to experience to thoroughly enjoy. and I'll share a couple of them with you not this past presidential election but the one prior to that and no one really knew who was going to be the president of the United States and every Wednesday morning at 8 o'clock while I'm down at the barber shop and I get up around about 6 and 6.15 and I turn on the television just to see who's the new president and I'm in shaving and the bathroom is round and right as I stroke down with the razor this voice says my gosh he says your husband must have been an incorrigible acting alcoholic when he drank and the one that got my attention says you're being kind when you say that about him and i looked in the mirror and i says david you haven't had a drink but that sounds like your wife and i stuck my head around the corner and all i could see was the back of her head but i saw the moderators of the announcers face full of faith so i ran into her bedroom and we've been married long enough and old enough that we can have separate bedrooms you know and it's okay and her bed was made up and i come around and sure enough it was her and they're talking about me and i'm building up a tremendous resentment and so i get in my car and i go down to the A hotel barbershop, I pull in the parking garage. The parking attendant says, Hi, Doc. Saw and heard your wife on television this morning. I go in the barbership. I get the same thing from the shine boy. They recognize her voice, and I'm building a tremendous resentment against Grace. And I finally get to my office, andI call her up, and said, Grace, I saw you on television and heard you, and you were following the anonymity as you're supposed to, the shadow method, the back of your head. No one saw your full face. and I said but I want to ask you something why in the Dickens didn't you use why did you have to use another name and why does the name that you use, why did it have to be the name of a woman that you accused me of being locked up one time with? And she said that's what you call live and let live buster. And another time I was on one of them talk shows you know they're on radio and And, you know, and on radio it's easy, you know, for you as far as your anonymity. They don't see your full face. And I didn't give my last name or anything yet, David. I don't tell them by occupation or anything like that. And they call in and answer questions at about 1130 at night. And there's always some youngster supposed to be sleeping and he wasn't sleeping. And he was listening to the radio and he ran in the bedroom and woke up his mama and he said, Mama, guess what? Our dentist is on the radio and he's a drunk. He recognized my voice. Well, about two and a half weeks later, that little monster had an appointment with me. And his mother brought him in, and she says to me, she says, how long have you been a member of Alcoholics Anonymous? And at that time it was over ten years. And she said, it's the most wonderful thing in the world. She says, my father passed away last fall, and he was 19 years sober in AlcoholicsAnonymous when he passed away. And so you see, in the words of Dr. Bob, Anonymity is love and service, yes, the kind of love that demands no reward and a kind of giving that has no price string attached to it. As our twelfth tradition constantly reminds me, I have something more and stronger than any human personality to rely upon. Our principles come first in my life, and they are not David's invention, for our principles reflect eternal spiritual values. And so with this tradition, not only as an individual, but as a member of this beloved fellowship, a fellowship which you have given me a freedom to be a part of in spite of my own self. I thank you for allowing me to join with you as we humbly acknowledge our dependence on a power greater than ourselves. And I'd like to close and leave you with a little something. It's become very, very close to me in the last five, six months. framed on our archives wall in the archives office in our general service office as a letter that was written to our co-founder Bill on December the 30th of 1946. And it was written by Bill and it waswritten to Bill by a gentleman who has given of himself as a non-alcoholic you can't measure it a man whose family name is perhaps the most famous in finance that the world has known money and he was thanking bill for one of those little wartime little books of alcoholics anonymous due to the paper shortage and he tells bill he says you know a year has gone by and i have been negligent in thanking you not only for the book but for the wonderful inscription and then he says it must give you the greatest satisfaction to know that the friendly hand which you held out to a needy brother some years ago has resulted in such widespread extension of that helpful act. The regenerating power of the Spirit that that friendly hand was extended has been the means of saving countless valuable lives that would otherwise have been wrecked. May God continue to bless you in your work and use you increasingly as his chosen instrument in the rebuilding of broken lives. Thank God he didn't say save and sold. and if i leave you with one thing we're all here as a result of that widespread extension of that friendly hand the regenerating power of the spirit folks that's alcoholics anonymous that's something you can't educate that's something we cannot memorize that's something that we cannot just quote. That's something that we can't seminar. We live it. We live it, we live it and I pray that we all find within our deepest most innermost consciousness to realize that we have a way the means of saving countless valuable lives that are still to come that would have otherwise been wrecked and i pray that god continue to bless us in our work and to use us increasingly as his chosen instrument in the rebuilding of broken lives god bless each and every one of them thank you and i love you so much