Step 5 and the Hypocrite Who Drew the Line – Steve

About This Speaker Tape

1989, Brentwood, Tennessee. Steve is checking "yes" or "no" on a treatment assessment, fighting the charges of alcoholism like a lawyer defending a client. He isn't looking for a design for living; he’s just trying to avoid jail after his sixth DUI—the one where he tried to bribe a police officer with a check. For Steve, the wreckage is concrete: four totaled cars in a single Atlanta crash, waking up in a drunk tank covered in vomit, and being kicked out of the delivery room when his daughter was born.

He describes the "spiritual malady" as a "velcro suit"—the exhausting internal friction of trying to move through the world without alcohol. He drank to go drinking, terrified of the "abnormal" feeling of sobriety. He admits he was a hypocrite who resisted the Higher Power, only to be told that hypocrisy was low on his list of problems and that there was always room for one more hypocrite in the rooms.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Steve L. opens by discussing the prism of alcoholism and the gap between how he sees himself and how others see him.
• 5:15 The 'last drink' story involving amaretto and the details of his sixth DUI.
• 10:40 Laughter: Steve describes the 'Have you ever' assessment test in rehab and his attempts to lawyer the questions.
• 16:20 A vivid account of a head-on collision in Atlanta and waking up in a drunk tank.
• 23:10 Discussion on the 'phenomenon of craving' and the non-linear nature of recovery.
• 31:45 The 'velcro suit' metaphor describing the internal spiritual malady and social anxiety.
• 38:10 The story of meeting his wife Connie and their early chaotic relationship.
• 45:30 Honesty about being drunk in the delivery room when his daughter Abby was born.
• 52:15 Mention of 'Big Book Thumpers' and the process of applying the steps in a huddle-like fashion.
• 58:40 A conversation with a sponsor about hypocrisy and the room for another hypocrite in AA.
• 1:05:20 The 'cheeseburger vs. club sandwich' story as a lesson in acceptance.
• 1:15:00 Closing poem about seeking a fellow man and finding a Higher Power.