Step 5 and the Connection He Had Always Been Looking For – Tom W.

About This Speaker Tape

A black BMW screaming 100 miles an hour the wrong way down a Houston tollway. Tom W. describes the head-on collision that felt like hitting a brick wall at 120 mph—a moment of bitter, incomprehensible demoralization. Wealthy upbringing and a desperate need to "plug in" led him through a carousel of identities: punk skater, cowboy, hippie, all fueled by the same obsession. Even after the wreck, he tried to find a formula to control the chaos, eventually landing in a girls' bathroom in a blackout and facing prison.

The shift came not through a sudden epiphany, but by listening to a man with a mullet and missing teeth talk about the simple victory of a head hitting a pillow sober. After white-knuckling his way to a meeting, Tom surrendered to the steps. He recalls the specific weight of the Fifth Step, followed by an hour of meditation in his backyard where he finally found the connection he had chased his whole life. Now, he sees his Higher Power in the tangible: a driver's license ...

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Tom reads from page 46 of the Big Book regarding conceptions of a Higher Power.
• 3:15 Story about the first drunk at age 12 and the 'three cold showers' incident.
• 7:20 Description of the head-on collision and the 'bitter incomprehensible demoralization' of waking up in the hospital.
• 10:10 Tom reads the Big Book's distinction between the moderate drinker, the hard drinker, and the real alcoholic.
• 14:30 The 'sitting down in the girls' bathroom' story; Laughter.
• 18:15 Discussion of white-knuckling and the reluctance to enter AA meetings.
• 22:40 The experience of the Fourth Step and realizing he was an active participant in his own suffering.
• 25:10 The Fifth Step experience and the subsequent meditation in the backyard.
• 27:30 Discussion of Step 9 and making amends by speaking at high schools and colleges.
• 31:10 The tangible evidence of recovery: getting his driver's license back and the probation termination letter.
• 34:45 Reflections on the 'existential crisis' of today and the importance of the Young People in AA conference.
• 36:20 Closing prayer; Applause.