Step 5 — Admitted Our Wrongs – Donna J. – New England Big Book Workshop Weekend – 2020

About This Speaker Tape

Donna and Matt break down the brutal necessity of Step Five. Donna describes the mental wreckage of her first inventory—resentments stretching back to kindergarten—and the ego-driven fear that felt like a child clutching her leg, begging her not to tell the truth. She recounts a visceral release in a diner, weeping into the table after seeing the gap between who she was and who her Higher Power wanted her to be.

Matt follows with a narrative of the 'double life' he led, shifting personas between his Spanish-speaking home and the streets of Manhattan. He describes the Fifth Step as a 'life and death errand,' moving from the terror of being found out to the 'perfect peace and ease' of the present moment. Both emphasize that the process isn't about confession, but about crushing the ego to make room for a spiritual experience, moving from 'more math' to 'more Higher Power.'

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Opening: Donna introduces herself and begins discussing Step 5
• 4:15 Donna discusses the motive for inventory and the sex inventory
• 8:30 Donna shares her experience reading her inventory to Rashid for Step 5
• 12:45 Emotional release: Donna describes weeping in the diner after her fifth step
• 16:20 Donna discusses spiritual experiences and references Big Book page 164
• 19:10 Matt introduces himself and discusses the life-and-death urgency of Step 4 and Step 5
• 22:30 Matt shares his story of living a double life and the fear of judgment
• 25:15 LAUGHTER: Matt discusses the ridiculousness of the ego and the philosophy of 'More Higher Power, less me'
• 27:40 Matt describes the importance of sitting quietly in the park after Step 5
• 29:15 Closing: Systematic surrender and preparing for Step 8 and Step 9