Step 4 – Wilson H. – 2020

About This Speaker Tape

Two speakers, Chris and Judy, break down the grit of Steps F. and Five. Chris describes a 'mind-blowing' exercise where he gave his wife and friends spiritual consent to be 100% truthful about his selfishness, revealing he was an 'actor trying to run the whole show.' He warns that sobriety isn't just about not drinking, but about healing a spiritual malady that often manifests as anxiety and a need for control.

Judy frames the inventory as an archaeological dig, stripping away the 'armor' of coping mechanisms. She shares a dark moment from 16 years into sobriety where she googled how long to hold a pillow over her husband's head to avoid a divorce, illustrating how unrecovered resentment can rot a life like a rust-filled thread in a tapestry. Both emphasize that the inventory isn't a checklist, but a way to stop signing one's own death warrant by addressing the causes and conditions of the disease.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Chris introduces the session on Steps Four and Five.
• 1:15 Chris describes the exercise of giving spiritual consent to others to expose his selfishness.
• 4:20 Discussion on the 12-steps as spiritual principles and the goal of becoming 'happily and usefully whole'.
• 6:10 Chris references Tradition 9 and the 'death warrant' of not working the steps.
• 9:15 Laughter: Chris recalls the 'pencil' advice from old-timers in the 80s.
• 12:30 Chris shares his experience with social anxiety and resentment in different home groups.
• 18:10 Judy begins her share, discussing the 'causes and conditions' of alcoholism.
• 21:45 Judy uses the 'rust-filled thread' tapestry metaphor for resentment.
• 24:10 Judy's story about contemplating killing her husband with a pillow 16 years sober.
• 27:30 Discussion on the 'archaeological dig' of the steps and the danger of 'checking boxes'.
• 31:10 Judy explains the fear inventory and the illusion of control.
• timecode Discussion on the conduct inventory and the Michelangelo 'David' metaphor for the Fifth Step.