Step 4 Took a Word Inventory and a Priest – Alabam C.

good morning fellow alcoholics and friends my name is alabam and i'm a grateful alcoholic i didn't get here from drinking a little booze i got here because i drank like a pig i'm glad to be here i've been sick this morning so if i get sick i'll just just wait i'll get over it I've eaten too much up here. You fed me too well. I've been spiritually fed all weekend. It's been a wonderful convention. I was just thinking what a privilege it was to be invited back to a place I've spoken before. You know, when I drank, they didn't invite me back. They would prefer I never came in the first place. I really I really like being sober I like AA I love AA I don't dislike it I love AAA and I love the program I love people in AA the sicker they are the better I love them because I came in one of the thicker ones I got here I think it was somewhere about 28 years ago and I think I'll be 29 years sober pretty soon and I'm impressed I'm depressed I'm oppressed what God and AA could do for me that I couldn't do for myself and I am also impressed that I love AA that I like being here that I like being sober. There's nothing in the world I like any more than some sick girl or fella, I don't care at my age, it doesn't matter, that's nothing that I'd rather do than talk to someone who really needs help. And the sicker they are, the better I understand them because I was one of the sickest ones when I came. And, you know, I still thought I could drink like a lady It's been a long time since I've been a lady. And the people here from New York, I was reminded that I was in New York towards the end of my drinking. I was checked into two hotels, two of the best, two of them most expensive, and staying in another one part-time. You can figure that one out. and but it was my brother my brother had his secretary call trying to find me and she said Miss Robinson it's just too many hotels he says son you just ask the operator which are the expensive ones and she'll be there and she will be there you know I paid later and I was there And the doctor and the nurse in the room, I always had a doctor and a nurse, you know, and in the hotel I was in, I'd get sick. And they would, I think, well, I wasn't actually sick. I was just drunk, but, you Know, they called a doctor and a doctor, and a, and I don't know. I really and truly don't exactly why, but they would put me in the hospital there in New York the one that, I know the same nurse was there that treated Bill but it wasn't the same hospital because it was where they had moved to New York and I stayed there three days they sent a girl from AA a girl who was in radio from AA over to take care of me she took me to the hospital and sponsored me out there and I always uh i always went to a meeting with anybody that would do something nice for me you know like that to show that i had courtesy and but no idea without drinking and finally my brother found me in uh in the hotel that was the ward off i believe it was he called then and he asked them uh And they got a nurse or somebody to put me on the plane. They had the doctor that was in the room. I had to have a doctor often because they wouldn't let me stay in the hotel without having one. And he asked if they could put me onto the plane, and they said they didn't think they could get me on a plane, that they doubted seriously. And he says, all you have to do is put a field in a paper sack. In a paper sac and squash it around it so she'll know it's a field. And in those days, you know, we loaded from the field. And walk her out there on the field and to the step. And somebody take that field and start up the step and she'll follow. She'll follow and just lay that down on the seat she is to sit in. And that's the way they got me on and off planes, you know. Just crazy. Just absolutely crazy. My family really went insane before I did. And they had instructions to not let me even go to the bathroom in St. Louis when we got there. that my nephew that was meeting me was just to put me in the car. I fell off in his arms, you know, on the field when we got there. And they took me to my brother's office. They wouldn't see me in their homes because they didn't want their children to see their aunt. And they told me they were very sorry but they would go have to ask Mother and Daddy to have me incarcerated. And the only places they would take me was in St. Nassau, I think. And I said, well, you know, if that's what you have to do, you have to do it. And they said, well, do you know you have started over so many times? And I say, again, I don't know whether I'm through yet. And just awful. Just awful. I got back to, I'm not going to tell this in, you know, like year one or two now. Just as I think of it, I'll tell you. and uh but what i did though uh when i got back there uh my brother uh had had my nephew bring me over to his house for dinner and uh i'd been that for quite a little while really and i had go in the hospital for a little surgery it was not a malignant anything a little breast surgery And, you know, I didn't, I stayed three weeks in the hospital. They keep you three days a day, but my family would bribe them into keeping me as long as possible. You know it because they didn't give me any trouble when I was in the hostel. And they had me over for dinner and it was so pleasant and I thought, you Know, I don't need a drink. and with people that I enjoy being with. I've been sober three weeks while I was in the hospital, of course. But I didn't normally stay sober in the hospitals because I had enough friends that would bring me whiskey in. They owed it to me. And so anyhow, what happened was that after I got home, I was inside this little apartment And I had been with people in hospitals and, you know, I hadn't been alone. At my apartment, have you ever felt that the walls would just go come in and squeeze you? I felt like the apartment was getting smaller and smaller and small. I didn't know anything to do but to call up and order a case of whiskey. That was my only answer to anything. and so I started drinking and I drank for five days a night I understand I didn't eat anything because you know it ruins the glow and a woman came to call me up and asked if she could come over and I said no I'm dressing to go to work I hadn't worked in six months just occasionally then in my family's business and I said I just I can't take any more time because I'm getting dressed to go to work and so help me God I was out of bed putting on a suit to go the work and you know I didn't have a job and besides it was 7 o'clock at night and not 7 o clock in the morning and I didn t know the difference you know in Missouri it's dark both times and I didn't know the difference and the woman said she wouldn't detain me from my job you know, she just wouldn't detain us but let her come over for a few minutes and I said okay but I must rush to get to work and she came over and she said, Alabama, please come go home with me please come go home mit me we want to help you and I say, honey I will go home wit you if you'll let me take a bottle And she said, I won't let you take a bottle, but I'll buy a bottle of my own. And we'll give you whiskey when you need it. But you can't take a model of yours because you don't know when you'll need it." She had to call men and some of their wives came because there was only one other girl in town, one other woman in this little town of Sedalia, Missouri. And bless her sweetheart, she had been a street walker. And do you know those men had more respect for her than me? They did, really. They did. And they took me to her house. And then the next morning, the wives came over to take care of me because they just weren't, you know, but these two women in town. and they found out that they could get me into Independence, Missouri. Now I want to describe the place before, so it won't be a shock to you when I tell you about it. It was upstairs, but first it was on Skid Row, Independence And it was upstairs, and it was for men only. But it was nowhere to take me. I spent this walk taking it. They said that they had had me before, and they wouldn't take me, and there was a man, Dr. Nason in Kansas City, Missouri, that had known Dr. Bob and Bill, but Dr. Barb had taught Dr. Nathan a lot about detoxing And then Dr. Nathan learned even more about it than Dr. Bob knew when he died, about detoxing the alcoholic. And so they wanted to get me, they couldn't take me there to Kansas City, Kansas, because it was on the third floor of the clubhouse and it was for men only. Well, it was f�r men only in Independence, but nobody had ever said it was f�r men only there. and they took me to this place and as I told you it was on Skid Row there and it was crummy it was real crummy there were 12 men in me in this upstairs in this building there was one bathroom and you can imagine what it looked like you can just imagine look all around it on the walls one toilet one toilet and there I am and nobody could handle me except the man and the man stayed with me five days and nights they brought him a reclining chair so he could rest his name was Walt, Walt's dad now he was one of the finest they ever I have ever known in my life he told he worked with so many people with so many people, and he taught me everything that I really knew about AA. And he told me that I must get well because people had done so much for me that I mus get well so I could start treating some of the girls like the men were treating the men. And they taught me every thing that they knew about detoxifying an alcoholic so that as soon as I was well enough that I could start detoxification with the girls. And Walt stayed with me because the doctor told Walt that if I lived, he was afraid I was going to have a wet brain, but I likely would die of a heart attack first. He had never seen a woman get well that was as sick as I Was. And Walt said that they prayed and they prayed that God would restore me to sanity and removed the obsession with me to drink on a lifetime basis, the day of the time. And Walt had asked me to say it. And I said, Walt, you know I can't remember that much. And I couldn't. I couldn' t. And Walt said, Honey, you don' t have to remember it. Just ask God to hear our prayers that we are making for you. And at the end of the fifth day that I was there, I had heard the prognosis. I had read the proagnosis. I wasn't surprised. Not at all. But the third day I was There, I was in that dirty bathroom. And you can see the walls, You know, because they'd missed the toilet bowl. And you could see how dirty it was in there and all around the toilet bowls. and it was in that dirty place that I had my spiritual awakening. I'm so grateful. I'm such a great woman. I heard God said to me that I could be someone I could say on a lifetime basis the day of the time. And see, that's what my father told me but I heard him say it. And I didn't care who didn't believe me because I heard it. And I went up the hall saying that God told me I could be sober and I could be sane on a lifetime basis the day of the time. They ran and got Walt and said, come here quickly, she's gone totally insane, Walt. And they said, well what's she doing? He said, what's he doing? They told him, you know. He said no, that's the same as she's ever been. And so I lay down I lay down when we went into the uh that's what i had my spiritual awakening in that dirty toilet room you know and uh and i lay down on the bed and i feel i think god just knows what each of us need one spiritual awakening i don't think would have handled it for me i doubt it so i lay down and i have an out-of-body experience. And I'm so grateful for that, too. I'm just so grateful, Father. Walt told me that God must have loved me a lot to give me the second out-of-body experience, you know. And from that day on, I knew I could get well. I was still a very sick woman, you understand, but I knew I could getting well. I knew if these men like Walt and Dr. Nason and John Brooks and all those old-timers. God, they were wonderful people. I knew if these men could make it, I could make It. And there weren't any women that knew how to take care of a drunk. And so the men had to do it. And do you know, no brother, no brothers could have been kind to them, the men that were in this hospital. They just took care of me like I was their loving sister. And that's what I became with all the men in AA. And I stayed there for nearly two months because they didn't think I was going to do very well out. And, uh, I wouldn't have at the time. And while I was there my father died. And when I was dying they thought it was best I not go home and Mother said and just for them to do what was best for me, that Daddy was very pleased to know that I was in the hospital and that I wasn't going to die. That I was getting well. And as I said, I stayed there two weeks, not two weeks. Two months. And one of the fellas went to Walter and said, Walt, look there. If I took her in the bathroom and washed her hair, she said she just can't stand her hair this dirty. And Walt said, we don't care what looks are. We care what the motive is. And he said, yes, you certainly can. You certainly can, and I got goosebumps because, you know, I was a sick woman, and those men just treated me like I was a queen, and my brother came up to see me, and he brought a stack of bills that high, and I said, why are you bringing those here? And he said, because I want you to write the people. And I said, what do you want me to say to them? And you tell them that you've been suffering from a disease. You've been ill. And I thought, what shall I say? You know, I thought he'd give me a good answer. What shall I Say I've Been Ill From? And my brother said, why don't you call it fry-alcoholism? He had me write every one of those people. And I says, now what shall i say? And you just say, I've been suffering from a disease called alcoholism. And that I won't be well enough to go to work for a couple of months. But when I go to break, I'm going to send you small payments on these bills. And you know, some of those bills ran up to $1,000. But I said I would send them a small payment so they would know. And I said, and when my state is settled, and that was seven years in, when my estate's settled, I'll pay it all. And I wrote those letters. And then my brother, I had to go to work, my sponsor said. My brother said he'd get me a job, and he got me a Job with the State. And my sponsor Walt said I couldn't take it. And I says, why, Walt? And he said, because I'm a taxpayer. I don't know about sponsorship last year, but that's the kind of sponsorship I tried to give. That's the guy I tried for him because it worked for me. They got me a job in working for a cat's drug company. I had to stand all day long on a giraffe floor and sell phonograph records. And I was told to smile at the customers. customers. And Walt would send somebody up to watch me to see if I was doing well on my job, and if I were smiling and nice to the customers. I knew when the spies came in. And so then he would send everybody up to walk me home because they had a whiskey department there to walk me, not home walk me back to the clubhouse I did, I have my own apartment two or three blocks away from where I got sober and I worked for them for two years. They told me if I didn't work for the same company two years that my recommendation wouldn't be any good you know I believed everything they said. I was so sick I didn' t know any better and I never had worked except for family I've been hostess for a mining company. My husband was a mining engineer, gold mining, and I like gold. And I was the company hostess, and that's another story, but I guess I'd better tell you. I'd done a good job as a wife and as a hostess of the gold mine. and they board I got to travel with my husband you know the board members all had yacht and they belonged to the finest country clubs in New York and they had places in the Poconos for hunting and fishing it was just a great life you know and I was always invited when they had him come back on business they said bring Mrs. Brown and I went with them and they all liked me. They seemed to all like me rather and so when the board of directors were coming in I planned the dinner parties and they thought I was making such a great hostess. Everything was going fine until I had just a little bit too much to drink and one of the waitresses came up and she said Miss Brown have you seen the new American dollar? And I said no I haven't And I didn't know they had printed the new one this year. And she opened up her hand and she said, here it is with the taxes there. And that was the nickel there. Now when you drop something like that sounds funny. You know what I'm telling you? It doesn't sound a bit funny. And it didn't end up being a bit funnily. So I put the nickel in my other hand and I asked the chairman of the board if he had seen the new American dollar. And he said, no. And I said, well, here it is with the taxes there. And he looked at me and he said Evelyn, I didn't know you had communistic ideas. You don't say that to a southern gal. I took his inventory better than it's ever been taken. Starting with son of a bitch. and my husband was trying to shoo me and I said no he needs to hear this so that was the last time they ever had a mixed party because they couldn't insult my husband by not inviting me and didn't make it too easy for my husband I can tell you that but they kept him in spite of me he was a wonderful man wonderful man he died before I got sober and if he had lived I might not have gotten sober because he was quite a bit older than I and he did things that he thought to be right for me you know like sending me to great hospitals and good doctors and all of those things but see when he died when he died or he was dead a year before I got sober and I was out there drinking more and more and my family had been told by my sponsor to quit sending me to these specific hospitals and so forth just to quit sending me let me be like any other drunk without a job and my sponsor took my inventory when I was incapable of taking it uh he And he had me write an inventory, and then he had me do a word inventory with him. I'd never heard of a word inventory, but he didn't think I was able to take much more. And, you know, he said, like thief, Alabama, right down thief. And I said, Walt, I'm not a thief. And he said Alabama, you said you went out with married men. You're a thief, Alibam. That's a thief And I hadn't stolen any money or anything like that. Didn't have to. And so he kept taking my inventory. Then he said, write down the lie. And I said, Walt, I exaggerate sometimes, but I'm not a liar. You know, that man took the most thorough inventory I ever had. And he said... I don't want to take your set of inventory. and I don't want you you're an Episcopalian aren't you? And I said yes. He said let me call the Episcope priest to come over and talk to you. He said I would prefer that you not take your inventory we just had two girls in our group there I prefer that you take your inventory with a priest these girls have not had the advantages that you've had and so forth and so on and so he called the priest over and he said I want you to take your sex inventory with him and I want you to take your financial inventory with him and you know that priest told me I wasn't bad he told me I was sick that I was sick and that if I stayed in AA I could get well and he said but you're not a bad woman remember that you're a sick woman and you're here to get well you're sure to get well and do you know he made me feel like I could be whole again he made my feel that I had not done anything that a lot of other people had done I thought I was the only person that had done some of the things that I have done well I went to work and I I just can't stay on a job without trying to work my way to the top, and that's what I was doing. And they promoted me and gave me better salaries and so forth. And I had been told that reference would not be any good if I didn't work for two years at the same place. Have you ever heard of anything so foolish? But that's the way they told me, you know. They didn't allow me to do my own thinking. And so I stayed there for two years, and then I went and told the manager of the stores that I was leaving. They had promoted me, and I was the head of my department. And they said, please don't leave without going to headquarters and talk to them at headquarters. They've got some plans for you, Alabama. And I went over and I talked to them, and they were going to give me a very good job with the company. They're going to put me in charge of all the record companies in all of the cat's drug companies. And I said, thank you, but no thank you. I'm going to California. And they said, but we offer you this wonderful job with this salary. I said I'm go into California, I've already told you. And just pay me what you owe me, you know, and I'm leaving. And I came out to California and I've always been very grateful for that because there were a lot of nice women in AA in California. And the Southern women were a little bit more reluctant to go to the AA meetings, you know. People would talk about them. I just didn't care. I just Didn't care because I didn't care who knew I went to AA. And it didn't make any difference who knew it because they saved my life. My family loves AA. They just think the only thing in the world for anybody to do is if they have a problem is to go to AA, you know. And my mother visited me in California and did you know of all the people we had, the woman that had invited to speak, they invited a man that had been in the mental hospital to talk and mama turned to me and she said honey he's still sick isn't he and i said yes mama sicker than anybody in this room and uh she understood it though she understood it and she loved my friends and she just loved my friends and they loved her and uh my mother uh well you know she was the kind of woman it happens to me a lot with my hair gray now but my mother was the kind of woman that on a plane or train she attracted people and if they had a problem they came and sat by her and talked to her you know and my mother told them all about AA everywhere she went and you know I think that she's brought people into AA she she's brought people in to the house and uh soaped them up you know because she asked me how to do it and I told her, and there's nothing in the world that I like better than making a call on a real sick drunk. There's nothing I like that. And if you've never done it, ask your sponsor to take you with them. My sponsor took me with them until I learned. Well, I'll tell you one reason he took me so much is because I was a woman and that they just had men to call on the women. So I went along for looks of it until they could teach me what to say and do. And so by the time I got to California, I knew how to make a 12-step call. And I taught the girls that I sponsored how to makes 12-steps calls. And we'd go out any time day or night when we got a call. It didn't matter. We've been out in snow, not snowstorms, in storms where, you know, it was raining and thundering and lightning. And the roads were so slippery we'd spin around on them, you knew, and everything. And it didn't matter though. We took the message whether they wanted it or not, you kno. And I remember one of the 12-step calls I made. I didn't tell the girls I was going. I decided I'd just take the cab and go by myself because the girls said that we all agreed we wouldn't go back to see that woman. We had done everything we could do. I couldn't sleep. I couldn'T sleep. I thought there is something that we have left undone, something we've left undONE. I won't call them. I'll just call the cab, and I'll go. And I went over. I never had noticed her sofa very much. We'd been there the day before, incidentally. We'd called the police and we asked the police could they get her in the hospital. We couldn't because we had tried. We had tried, and we told the police how sick she was and everything, but they still wouldn't do anything. I never had noticed her so far, but I happened to look at that before I went in her bedroom when I got over there, and you know there was a hole that deep in her sofa you know a burn and I thought okay I went to the kitchen I got me a knife and I cut the burned hole out some more and I poured water in it and messed it all up you know with the old burn and I went through the police and I said I have just arrived in this house and this woman that we tried to get you to put in the hospital last night has endangered this whole neighborhood. You better come get her right away and put her in the hostel. You know, it didn't bother me to lie. It just didn't bother me a particle because I felt that I was doing something good. She got well too. We've been on lots and lots of quests that cause. I went to the prisons a lot. Some of my best friends were in prison, and when they came out of prison, I think a lot of you know Johnny from down south, and he's one of the best friends I've got in AA, and the drones are good friends that I have in AA. And I have been to a lot of prisons. I carried the message to the men's side as well as the women's side, and And I loved doing that prison work. I just loved it. And they were good to me in the prisons. They were real good. They seemingly liked for me to come. And I liked going, and I liked trying to carry the message. And I knew that for the grace of God, I would have been there. One night we went on a first-step call that I had gotten. or two girls, two of us went and you know a woman was coming at me with a knife on the second floor kind of patio like thing or whatever you call it overhang and she was coming at me with a nice and you know I was frightened. You can't let a drunk know you're frightened and I said honey it's Alabama and I'll come to help you just give me the knife please Please, just give me the knife. And you know, she finally gave it to me. And I went in her bedroom to get her a robe to put on. She was out on the balcony undressed, let's say. And I was in her room and I said, I went into her bedroom together, a robe, and I looked over there and it was a man from the club in her bed. And I had a knife in my hand. And I told him I'd incapacitate him for life if he wasn't out of there in five minutes. And if I ever heard of him making a 12-step call on a woman in AA that called into that North Hollywood club, that I'd kill him. And you know, I believe he believed me. I was that ready too that night. And you see, people ask me what I read. I said, no, I had the knife. You know, I'm real sorry that so many people go to these, you know, $25,000 charged deals with hospitals. I'm so sorry that there's not more tests that work like that to do. Because I believe if they had put... See, I've been in hospitals all over the country in New York. I've done three weeks at a time twice in St. John's and Beverly Hills. You know, the most expensive hotels in the country with doctors and psychiatrists. And their psychiatrist said, you don't need me. Your problem's alcohol. You don't have any deep-seated emotional problems. You're just a regular alcoholic. And I was real glad to hear those words, but that meant I couldn't drink. And, you know, and I thought, well, maybe I've overdone this thing. Maybe I've just tried to, you know, sound normal. I had been in... We had a place called Shower's Dry. Bill, do you remember that? Shower... Yeah, Bill will know it. Shower'S Dry. I had bin in that on several occasions. Dirtiest place I ever was in in my life. And Shower got run out of town. I'm pretty sure it had anything to do with alcoholism. I think there were young kids involved. And he got run out of town, but... You know, he sobered people up with pirellazahide. Have you ever smelled it? You've missed something if you've never smelled pirelzahide! That's the way we sobered up. a lot. And I don't know what they do today except charge $25,000. And yeah, I'm sick and tired of it. Do you know three, you can sober somebody up in three days. They keep them there until it's $25,000. And that makes all of the hospital bills go up. And if I got sick, you know, legitimately sick, I'd have to pay far, far more because a lot of those people don't pay that $25.000. I am sick and tired of them spending money like that, you now, and making it more expensive for those of us who are truly sick to go into ourselves. I know for a fact that three days you can get sober. In fact, Dr. Nathan possibly knew more about it than anybody except Dr. Bob how to sober people up. And Dr. Nathan taught me everything he knew so I could work with the girls. And I'm so glad that I had that opportunity. I had the opportunity of meeting Bill, but I didn't have the opportunity of meeting Dr. Bob. But I was back in Akron, I was speaking in Cleveland, and I was driven over to Akron to see the house. And I just felt like that I could just see them there writing the book, the three of them, Bill and Dr. Bar and the lawyer that did quite a little bit of the writing, too. And even the house was small. Bill was a big man. I don't see how they all got in that small house. The rooms were extremely small. But I loved the place. We all need to send some money back if we can to kind of help restore it and keep it in good condition because it is a landmark. They have made it a national landmark and I'm grateful for that. I wish I could have known Dr. Bob. He was my kind of man. He loved fast cars and fast horses and all of those kind of things. I knew Bill, but I didn't know Dr. Bob. But the more I read about him, the better I love him. I just, I married after I left. I stayed in, I stayed two years like I was supposed to, like my sponsor told me to, in Independence. And then I went to California. and we say I met a man my husband I told you was dead a year before I got sober and the men that I loved best of all over the years but I met a man and he wanted to get married and we got married and he was killed in an automobile accident and I was home alone because he was traveling and I got a phone call one morning and uh it was from the same funeral parlor that had buried my first husband in boulder city nevada and uh i was living in vacant still at the time and he said that he was sorry to disturb me but you know he hadn't heard from me but what disposition to make of the body and i said well I thought that you cremated you. And we just talked in circles, because I thought he was talking about my first husband that had been buried from his place. And he said are you Evelyn Brown Porter? And I said yes. He said you're George Brown's wife that I took care of at the funeral services fire. And I I said yes. He said, hadn't you been told your husband was dead? And I said no. He had been in an automobile accident. Automobile accident. He died instantly, they said. As well as they knew. And I'll tell you something. I stood there with that phone in my hand and I remembered that I had a bottle in the kitchen. A bottle that had never been opened. It was first to take when people were sick, you know, and if they needed some whiskey. And I thought about it. I could go in there and I could drink that pint and I wouldn't have to remember the Jim was killed. I couldn't forget for a whole while that Jim was dead. And I stood there in that living room holding on to that phone still and I finally said thank you god i don't have to drink today but when i said it i want you to know that i had no idea that i could keep from drinking tomorrow but i knew one day at a time i could not drink today and i said thank you God that i don t have to drink today and i got on the phone and called some friends And they came over, and they said, run, Alabama, run. Run next door. And I said, I don't have to run. I don' t have to r un. I'm okay. I'm o kay. And they c me to meet. And everything went fine for a little while. And at the end of two weeks, two of the men over at the club said, Alabama, after this meeting, we want you to go to dinner with us. And I said, I can't eat solid food. I can swallow it until Jim dies. They said, Alabama we'll fix that, we'll cut it in small pieces for you. I said I can eat it. They said we'll spoon feed you, you're going to eat Alabama. You are going to EAT. And he says, you know, that poor me, that pour me, it's gonna be pour me a drink soon. Real soon. love you elephant and we love jim and for jim's sake we're going to see that you don't do that poor me anymore and they took me home and they said that if i was uncomfortable in my girdle i better go and change and something comfortable that they might be there all night long and they were there until seven o'clock the next morning taking my inventory and telling me what I was to do to stay sober. Thank God for me and they cared enough. Thank God for me and they care enough to tell me to take my inventory to chance the fact that I'd never speak to them again. And they suggested that I take a girl that didn't have any place that parents didn't understand her that I took this girl in the house with me and help her that she needed help to stay silver. And not only got her, but she had a boyfriend that was a drunk. And we fed him, but he didn't sleep over. But I fed him. These men knew exactly that all they needed to do was for me to try to help another alcoholic and I would get out of stress somewhat. And I did. I loved these men till the day I die because they loved me enough to take a chance that I would never speak to them again. You know, they took a harsh inventory of me. It was a true inventory, let's say, of me and with the help of them and the girl living there with me for quite a little while and not helping her and working with her boyfriend, you know, I got through it. I got though it and I moved to Southern California and I married again and he is dead however we were separated and he was married to another woman when he died and I was very grateful that we had been friends even though we were separate that we have been friends because he was a nice man but we just didn't have enough in common We just didn't have enough in common. We were raised entirely different. And, you know, I guess I thought that alcoholics, that all alcoholics was the same, you knew it, or something. I don't know. But he married a non-alcoholic and he died just a few months ago. He died of a heart attack. And he was very happily married. And I've always been so grateful that I didn't spoil his whole life Because I wasn't happily married to him. And I've been happily married twice, which I think is a pretty good record. But thank God I don't have to marry again. But you see, I can't carry the message everywhere I want to, you know. I can go anywhere all night long if I want. To go and stay with a drug, I could go and say that I'm going to go and do it. To go stay with the drug. Sometimes husbands don't like their wives to leave that often, you knows. And I managed the North Hollywood group for over 20 years, I think. And I just retired last year. They gave me a big roast. Oh, God, were they rough. And they gave me an eight-dig roast. They had to turn people away. It was a luncheon and a roast. And you get Clancy and Johnny Harris and Mike Ross and a few of those people up there roasting you. You've had it. You've had it. But I knew they loved me. I knew they loved me because people came from many places for that roast and I lived just three blocks from the club and I'm available to carry the message, you know, to any alcoholic that's sick or if there's somebody down at the club that's real sick they'll call me and tell them why don't you come on down here and talk to this alcoholic she's pretty sick. And nothing suits me better than to go down to that club and talk to that alcoholic woman. I do love to see people get sober. I love to watch them get sober, I don't care whether I made the call with somebody else. But you know it's just a miracle, it's just a MIRACLE to see PEOPLE GET SOBER. What time am I to speak to? you? It says on that thing, if you'll get it out there. What does it say? To 12, 15? Oh my gosh, I've got more time than I need. I could talk all day because, you know, Alcoholics Anonymous is my love. You know, I've had love affairs in my life, but never one that lasted as long as this. I'm so fortunate. I got invited to, you know, around the countryside and I love it. We got so many meetings there in California. And I go to the prisons. I went other day uh i couldn't go as often when i was working uh but uh i can go again you know any day anybody's going to the penitentiary and that's where some of my best friends came from and uh my closest friends did they say amen as i know a good a good many of them out of the uh in a prison. I love being sober, I love talking to them when they come out, and I love going into the prison and talking. And every time I go by a prison or in a prison, I thank God that I didn't do something that got me there. That I didn t do something they got me there. And the only thing, trouble I really could have gotten in was with RAS. I haven't talked to them since my husband died. I don't plan to. I talked to this priest about it and he said, Alabama, do you have the money to pay the RAS what your husband owed him when he died? And I said, no sir, I do not. And he said uh, I just want to forget that I knew that it was there. He says, you know, now this is what the priest told me. Not an AA member. I don't know that an AA member would have gone this far. But he told me that uh, that since I had lived in California and in Boulder City, Nevada, that they wouldn't connect Evelyn Brown, whatever last name I had then, that they wouldn't connect that with George M. Brown from Boulder City. Maybe they'd never connected and they never did. They never did! And I'm so grateful because my husband had become a a private gambler. And it's more expensive than being an alcoholic, you know. Because he didn't play the slot machine. He sometimes won a lot. I just drank. You know, I just drink. They'd feed me all the free whiskey I wanted so I'd stay there and I'd take him home, you You know, and I'm grateful that I drank all I wanted. I'm thankful that I have drunk in some of the finest places in the United States and some out of the United State and that I got in those good-looking sewerage places. But, you know, it's all the same. It's all this thing. I drank at the end. I just took the bottle to bed with me put one under the bed in case i dropped the one from the bed and uh i had a whole case of whiskies and these women took me to their house i had to hold case the whiskey there because i didn't know how much it was going to take and i don't i wasn't trying to kill myself i just didn't want to have to face anything you understand i just didn't want to know what was happening and uh i'm so grateful that i had a sponsor a sponsor that made me write my inventory i wasn't very good at it uh but my sponsor would just fill in the words for me You know, and he told me, he said, I think you're going to have to write an honest inventory. And I said, who's going to read it? And he said I am. And I thought, all right. And then I did take that honest inventory with him as much as I was capable of then. But you know something? Over the years since I have spoken, I just have taken my inventory again. you know, completely, whatever is appropriate from the podium, you know. And I'm real grateful, I'm really grateful that they insisted that I better take another inventory. And I take some short inventories still because just the fact that I've been sober 38, yelling 39 years is not enough. I've got to work these steps just like anybody else. I've gotta continue reading this book because I forget what I have read sometimes. And I most often forget what i'm not doing right, you know. But I've friends that love me enough to tell me. You know, if I get off base, I've enough people I sponsor, I could kill them. and still I know they're doing the right thing but you know they just they just pick me up on little things you know that I have overlooked you know and they'll say oh ma'am you better watch that you know God it's good to have people that love you enough that they feel free to take your inventory and that's true love really because you know I could just hate those girls But I don't. The more they help me, the better. I love them. We all miss the 12 steps. We don't get that many calls down at the North Hollywood Group anymore because they're going on to the hospitals, as I said. I think that there are many people that need the hospital. But, you know, like I said, it takes three days to sober an alcoholic up and a good drug can do it for another drug. You know, I can't stand the braille to hide, but other than that, I'm willing to go in and try to help somebody else, you know. And I try to work these principles in this program. And, you knows, I get real lax at times. I get really laxed at times, and I've got a friend or two that will tell me when I am. You know, Alabama, you'd better get with it. You're not doing as much 12-step work now. And you're not working on a daily basis with alcoholics like you did for 20 years. You'd better not forget where you came from, Alabama. I'm so grateful they care enough to take my inventory. You know they don't even say, may I take your inventory? But I love them far. I love em far. I love the Step Study book. I love The Step Study. We have also a book study, and I love that. And I love everything, every grapevine that comes out. I can't wait till one gets there, and I read it through, you know, the same evening. And I don't know about you, but I just wish that we had lots more literature to read because I've read it over and over and over. I think that of all of the things that I have ever done in my life, the most rewarding thing has been when I tried to help a sick alcoholic. A sick alcoholic, I don't care what walk of life they come from or anything. When I went to my first AA meeting in Doherty Hollywood, I was in showers dry. I went to get out of the dryer to get me a bottle so I could sober up with it because that man didn't have sense enough to know that you sober an alcoholic up with alcohol. You know he was using Perel to hide something and I wasn't going to let him do it with me. And so a man who is now dead but was sober asked the doctor if he might come over and pick up some of us and take us to a meeting. I'm I'm going to tell you something. I did not want an AA meeting, but I wanted to get out of that dirty place I was in and get me a bottle and take care of myself and get myself sober, you know, my way. And I decided that I didn't have the proper clothes with me to go to a social event, so I called back in Boulder City in that older city. I called back in where if I was living then it doesn't matter, Las Vegas and I asked the store that I did business with to have their uh to have the people that they buy from send me out an understated navy blue suit that I was going to a social event and I wanted to be properly dressed And so there I am in this dirty, dirty place called Shower's Dry. I don't think they ever cleaned it. There I am and I'm getting dressed to go out to the meeting. Well on the way I asked them to stop at the whiskey store in Laurel Canyon and they said they couldn't do that, they were taking me to a meeting. I said just put me out there and I'll get to the meet myself. and they decided it was better to stop at the whiskey store and let me go in than not to go to the meeting. And I bought a fifth to drink, for me to drink and a fifth of high somewhere in the yard over at the sanitarium when I got back. And I brought one in with me. I had a very big kind of carpet bag and I brought one in and I went to the bathroom pretty often because the meeting got better the more I drank. And they had a sign up there that flickered on and off, on and on. We care, we care, we care. And I said to the man that took me, who in the hell cares? That was an alcoholic cares or not. And he said, someday you will care. Someday you will share. That light flickered On and Off. and a woman got up and said she had been in jail for drunk driving. A woman beautifully groomed, whose husband was the director over at the uh over at CBS, and she told about being in jail. And I thought oh gosh doesn't somebody tell them you don't tell things like that in public and uh you know so heaven's god i've never been in jail except to get other people out i don't know how i missed it there were people that took care of me that's the way i missed it there was always somebody that took chaos me and uh when the police stopped me when i was driving i said oh i am so grateful you stopped me i am not well enough to be driving I wonder, could you call another policeman and let him drive my car and you take me home? And so help me God, it would. It would. My brother told the policeman in Sedalia, Missouri, if they didn't quit letting me drive drunk, that he was going to have them arrested. So they did. They'd take me homing and everything. And they said, but she's such a nice lady, Dan, just such a nice lady. Dan said, she's a drunk. So, in New York you know, they got one real wide street there and I didn't feel like it would be safe for me to walk across that street by myself because that I might faint or something. So I just asked a policeman, would they escort me across the street? You know, I said, I could pass out any time and get killed. And they did. They did. And if you'll go to the policeman first and tell them how much you need them, you know, they don't lock you up. I've never been in jail, and I have deserved to be in jail for driving drunk. But but I put the car... I awakened, I came to, let's say, driving the car. I didn't drive the car to the party we went to. It was my car. But I didn' t drive because I had been drinking before I went to the party. I have absolutely no recollection of driving, getting into that car and driving it home until I came too, driving with the car, and I knew I was to drive. And I only had about two or three more blocks to go. I guess I had been driving the car in a blackout. That's the only thing I can think of. And, I got it home and I called my brother's automobile agency and I asked them to come and put my car in storage, that damn thing wasn't working and that i didn't want to spend any money on practically a new car you understand and they came and got the car and they called me in and said it's not anything wrong with this car i said put it up on oh no you know whatever you put it upon i'm not going to drive it for a while and i put that car in storage because i didn t want to ever ever be caught out driving drunk and i could have been caught that night and i should have killed somebody god took care of me i think god takes care of you know i think far better than people that don't drink you know I have friends that have been very careful all their life to get in trouble, you know. And I don't know, I don t know any way that I can ever, ever repay Alcoholics Anonymous for what they have done for me. But the one thing I do know is that that's a sick drunk. I go see them, and I do what I can for them, and I'm so glad that we have the opportunity to carry the message of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm, so glad you know my family are real proud to tell people that I'm in AA because they you know like they heard of me I was drunk. you know, their friends. And they're glad for their friends to know that I'm in AA. I was going to tell you about my bills. You know, I told you about that stack of bills and my brother having me write all those people. Do you know that i don't owe any of them? That I got every one over a long period of time, that I got everyone of my bills paid. And I am grateful to God. And I'm grateful that I did not take bankruptcy. I am greatful that, that I knew that I owed that money and I knew that my husband owed it. And he had left the money that I, you know, that I finally got that I could help pay it with. But I paid it slowly, very slowly because I didn't make that kind of money. I worked a lot of jobs. I was not trained to work. You know, I was trained to get married and keep house and so forth and so on. I didn't do much keeping house. I had a maid and a housekeeper. You know, that was the better way. And but I went to, I went to North Hollywood and I worked there and I loved it because I got to talk every drunk that came in. There is nothing to me in my life that is more rewarding to me than to talk to one drunk. And I usually take a baby with me so they'll learn how, you know. And, uh, I have just loved that. Uh, I wrote all of these people, you know, the letter that my brother told me to. And when I was going to get married to the man that was killed in the accident, I went to Bullock's and I said, I owe you all a bill, I think around $1,000. My husband died and the estate is not settled yet. But when it is settled, that whole bill will be paid. In the meantime, I'm going to send small tokens to you like i get to the rest of them but i'm getting married and i want a pretty trousseau and i'm just wondering if you couldn't open up another account just in my name you know and not that account where we owe you a thousand dollars and uh i wonder if you can open up an account and let me buy some clothes for my trousseaux And the woman talked to me and she looked and she saw where I'd sent small payments and the letters that i had written. She was the credit manager and she said, I've never quite done this but I think it would be all right. And so help me God, she let me charge an original dress to be married in that I wanted, the lingerie that I want, the shoes, the hat, everything that I wanted. She let me charge it. And you know, I just think that my sponsors... I didn't like it when my brother and my sponsor said that I was sending those small payments, you know and everything. I didn t like what they told me to do. Did you like what your sponsors told you to do? No, good. Good. Good. But you did it, didn't you? Or you wouldn't be here sober today. You know, and I did it. I did. Sometimes I grumble, but I did what I was told to do. And I don't owe anybody except current bill. A current bill today, thank God. I don' t know how I did i, but I saved money when I worked. And I didn' t make a lot of money. But I started from the very first saving money when I was, and I kept doing that over the years. I managed a hunting lodge right outside of Oregon, a hunting and fishing club. I managed that for three years. You know, it was just a short season. Otherwise, they tried to figure out something I could do all year long. I loved that job because I think Oregon's one of the prettiest places I've ever been in. I just think you're fortunate to live in this gorgeous, God just beautifies your country a little extra. A little extra and the board tried to find a way that they could keep me on the payroll all year but there just wasn't anything that they can do with the lodge in the summertime. time. And it was better, oh I forgot to tell you this, I had gone to a meeting there and they said well Alabama if you should ever need any help call us at once. Call us at once. So I called them the first opening day of the hunting season because our cook, our assistant cook and have a waitress all struck for higher salary. And they'd been paid, you know, just to get things set up and so forth. And the manager of the club, I wasn't manager that year, but the manager was going to give them the higher wages. And I said, John, if you do that, they're going to be the bosses from here on out, and you're going do what they tell you to do. Don't do it. She said, but we've got 40 some odd men coming for dinner tonight and for breakfast in the morning and for a week here. I said, John, you go and see if you can find any help at the employment agency. I'll take care of things here. Don's worry. I got on the phone and I called AA. They told me to call them, didn't they? So I called them. I've got the principal of the school there. And I said, I need help. And they said, hell damn what's the problem? And I told them the problem and they said they'd come right over. Do you know that they, there was a man there that had worked for A&P doing all of their buying of their cattle and so forth. You know if they meet a department, They brought him. They brought the principal of the school. He could wash dishes. They brought a girl that sells insurance, the girl that I had met that sells insurance. She could cook, but the pads were so heavy she couldn't lift them. She was tiny. So there was a man that was strong and he stood by the stove and took things in and out far. And they all got busy. And we had a dinner that wouldn't stop by the time the men got there. And the chairman of the board said, I haven't seen any of these people before. And I said, no, they are friends that are working for free. So he put an apron on and he came back and started helping. And he said, I am so grateful you told John that. I am so grateful because, you know, we can't let people be the boss when they are working for you. And they were very pleased. And, you Know, those people from AA just really seemed to enjoy it. The girls spent the night with me and the others came back the next morning, you know, and then we got a woman to come in and we got enough help. But in the meantime, they said, don't ever hesitate to call us any time you need us. You know, AAs are like that. AAs aren't like that, and I am so grateful they are. I'm so grateful that we are a fellowship, and we're fortunate to be a part of a fellowship. We're fortunate you have people that love us when we are not lovable and pray for us. I don't believe that I would have made it through as sick as I was if there hadn't been a lot of prayers for me. I know, I know that God loves us and I know that without God I would never have saved sober. I know a loving God today. I know A God that is with us every minute. Every minute it cares what happens to us. I know God looks down upon AA and is happy that every one of us is sober and that we try to carry his message. Because his message and the message of AA is one and the same, as far as I'm concerned. I've always loved God as a child. I've never really knew until I was so terribly sick and nearly died, that God could, and he would, restore us to sanity. That he would restore us to sanity, and since that day I don't think the day has passed that I hadn't thanked God for his gifts to me, and to you, and you. I'm so glad to have been here with you. I'm just so happy to see so many of you with a happy faces that I know you love AA. I love AA and I know YOU love AA, and I KNOW that you LOVE carrying the message, and I Know that if somebody calls for help that any number of you go right away here because you're an alcoholic. And I know that AA is working good in Oregon because I have met many of you. I have had many of and you talk the same talk and walk the same walk that I do, And I'm so grateful. I've loved being with you. I got, you know, a stepchild back here, Anita. Ginny sponsored her but I was Ginny's sponsor and I butted in and, you know, told Ginny how to do it. That's the way we do it, you know. And I am so glad. And then there's Bill from my home group. There are so many for my home group. Do y'all realize that a lot of North Hollywoodites are here and attending your meetings here? They've got their sobriety right down there at 4343 Redford. When you're in California, stop in. Stop in. We open at 11 o'clock in the morning. They're trying to run us out of the neighborhood. I think they eventually are going to do it. We're not allowed but 125 people in the uh in the building it seats 240 uh that's what we were supposed to have all these years but the neighbors are getting us out as quickly as possible and you know we of that uh that uh place is over 40 has been there for alcoholics open for over 40 years and we all regret that we are going to eventually lose it and we regret that that we can't have but 125 people at a meeting now. I'd love to, I'm not going to have time, but I'd loved to have gone and seen where y'all meet and have your regular meetings. But maybe you'll invite me back sometime, just come see you and, you know, go to your meeting and listen. I've listened here, and I'm going home with a heart full. And I'm gonna try to share some of this love that's been given me here. And I'm going to try to tell them everywhere I go, you know, we've got so many meetings in California that if you can stand up at a podium, they should speak. And I'll go tell them that AA is alive and well in Oregon. Thank you. Thank you for listening.