Step 4 – Bob O. – 2002

The reason why I'm down here, I mean I'm clear about that. I'm here because I want to share with you anything you want to know about what's happened to me since I got sober in 1973. So I'll just mention a couple things about the kind of group that I belong to. And what we do, and I belong to the Happy Way group in Englewood, Colorado. And we are people who are probably close to literalists about the big book. Q. What is the role of the Happy Way group? A. Well, I think it's a great question. I think it's a great question. I think it's a great question. Q. What is the role of the Happy Way group? A. I believe that you don't stop doing this stuff. I don't think you go through it once and then not do it anymore. I write, I go all the way through the steps once a year. I just got done about probably two months ago, but I'm still getting messages from that whole procedure. So I think that my only salvation as an alcoholic is to constantly throw myself at God's feet and say, I need your help to get me where you want me to go. My favorite prayer in the book is, God, please remove my fear and show me what you would have me do. I've tried a lot of different things. And some of them are just a pretty tough one. But I believe that God's going to save me. I've been through so much and that's why I'm putting on my best self. show me what you would have me be, not what you would have me do. So I think that this is a lifestyle. I think that the thing that the book asks us to do are things that, if we want the benefits from this program, that we go do. And I've been practicing that for almost three decades. So if you have reservations about anything in that process, if you have questions about what happens over time when you keep doing this over and over again, if you have fears about what God's got in store for you, let's talk about that, and we can do it in the light of the steps. The book talks about working in the light of a person's experience who has a lot of experience in the life of a person. And I think that's a great way to start. I know who's been through this process, and I know that many of you have. But I'm really just here to serve you in any way that I can. So one of the things that I'd like to know is, what is it that you want to do? I can get up here and start talking about my experiences, one thing or another, but unless I know exactly what it is you want, we may be shooting in the dark here. Would you be kind enough to tell me why you came here? Just raise your hand and tell me. You don't have to be bashful with me. I'm like an old coat. Okay? Yes? I want to talk about how to remove prejudice about knowledge. You know, you hit me on the head. I'm not sure I like what I think I have to do. Okay. That's one of the things I'd like to do. The second and third step is to get it. Okay. Who else? Yes? Yes. Okay. Okay. What did the rest of you come here for? Yes? Really? Okay. Good. That's a good step. Yes? Please. Yeah, is this thing on? Yeah. Otherwise, it's on. Oh. People in the audience, if they're listening, they don't know. Can you not hear? No, they won't be able to hear with the tapes. I'm sorry. I just thought I'd help. Oh. Oh, I see where I... That's all right. Yeah. It was a late night. Okay. All right. Who else? Yes? What worked my ears up was when you made the statement about taking the big book literally. Yes. And I sometimes think that things get very flowery. Yes. Yes. What I'm interested in hearing is the basics. Okay. This lady just asked about the basics and said that she was interested in the comment about taking the big book literally. And we'll talk about that. Okay? Yes? Singleness of purpose. Oh, boy. That's about singleness of purpose. Okay? Anybody else? Now, if we don't get to some of this stuff, raise your hand and remind me. Okay? Yes? Okay. What do you call it? Wow. I don't even remember. Oh. I have, like, a chair in front of me. I don't think anybody else is gonna be able to, because I've got a, mine like a piece of Swiss cheese. And sometimes things fall in there, and they don't come out. So, well, why don't we start at the beginning and just, and talk about, well, let's talk You know, just so you know, and I'll read it. We of Alcoholics Anonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered, in italics, is the main purpose of this book. The business about taking this book literally is right there. It's about showing others how to recover precisely Now, if you're going to sponsor people, it's a good idea to know what you did. Now, that sounds pretty obvious. And it sounds like, well, it sounds pretty obvious. But the truth is that if you don't know what you did, you can't show someone else what to do. And one of the things that my sponsor did for me when we went through this book, when we went through this process, was to ask me when we were done with each step if I understood what I had done. And so I had to explain to him, using the book, where the directions were and what I had done to go through that step. And when I got done with that process, I'll tell you, I got halfway through and I was scared to death that someone would ask me to sponsor him. Because I knew then how incomplete my knowledge was about this process. And then when I got through with it, I could hardly wait for somebody to show up. Do you know that we kind of become evangelistic when we learn how this thing works? And just bore the hell out of our friends. Do you know that? And it would irritate all kinds of people. And, you know, you think you're driving people out of AA, but you can't drive someone out of AA who wants sobriety. If someone is here because they don't want to drink anymore and they're scared to death of what the future holds for them, you can't say anything scary enough to drive them away from Alcoholics Anonymous. And as offensive as part of this process is to our egos, people will do it out of pure desperation. So to show others precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. Now that's an interesting thing. Right in the beginning they tell you that. So what we did and what I do with new people and what we do in our step workshops in my home group is we start at the forward to the first edition and then when we read everything through the, the, the, the, the, the front portion of the book. And every time it says to do something, we do it. And we either do it individually or as a group. Now, I think, just addressing singleness of purpose in one area, I think that poetic license is the biggest threat to Alcoholics Anonymous. I think that people trying to put their thumb, parent, friend on this process is the greatest danger that we face. You know, it, it's a typically alcoholic thought to say, gee, this is good, but I think it worked better like this. And a lot of people do that individually and the great, the great spiritual virtue of doing these steps is doing them precisely as they're designed and constantly. And so if we decide to do it a little differently, we'll do it a little worse. Okay? All right. So I guess we can just start talking about steps. What are the instructions for the first step? Do you know? What are they? Somebody tell me. Do you know? Where's the instructions? Come on, guys. You know this. Well, there is, but there's a central one, and that is we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people or presently may be has to be smashed. What's that mean? What's it mean? We're not like other people. Yeah. What does our presently will be mean? Our presently may be. Huh? Yeah. Our presently may be means that we're never going to be that. Okay? We are different. Now, we may only be different in that respect, although that's rarely the case. Okay? You know. You know. You want to. When the book talks about certain types of alcoholics, and there's one description. And there about an alcoholic who is normal in every other respect. Right? I have never in my life met one of those people. So, so the truth is that we are different in several respects, but the greatest one being our reaction to alcohol. So, um. Um. One of the things I want to do here is that I want you to be. Part of this. I don't want to just sit here and talk all day. All right? I want you to share with me what your experience is with these things. Or if you have any questions surrounding a step or if you're confused about something, bring it up so we can talk about it. But I want this to be a dialogue. All right? Um. So, tell me. Somebody want to tell me about your first step? Yeah. What would you like? What would you like to say about your first step? How did you find out you were an alcoholic? Were you an alcoholic and just had a sudden vision and came into AA? Or were you an alcoholic for a long time and didn't know what to do with it? What was your experience? I'm an alcoholic. My name is Kim. Hi. I knew I was an alcoholic for at least, at least ten years. I knew for a fact, you know, a shadow of a doubt. For ten years before that, I thought, well, maybe. But then for ten solid years, I knew I was. And could not. And we had been in AA, in and out of AA for 15 years plus. And just could not plug in anywhere. And what finally happened with me was that I was desperate enough to receive sponsorship. And my sponsor took me through the first four chapters of this book. Word by word, page by page. And the conclusion was that I identified with all of the symptoms of what the book describes of alcoholism. And that I was one. And that in itself wasn't really enough, though. Because I had to discover. That my case was hopeless. I mean, that I was, that I had alcoholism. And all of its ramifications. I suffered from a hopeless state of mind and body. And that I was beyond human aid. Good. What was the key word in that? Beyond human aid. Okay. What was it that she felt that threw her over the line? Her focus. Better. Something even more than that. Desperation. Desperation is a gift. All right? Doesn't feel like one. Desperation is a gift. You know, people who try to come in and out, or try to get sober in this program and can't ever get a grip on it, it's desperation that will solve the problem. That. And in my experience, people will never, ever, ever turn to God unless there is no other choice. All right? It just, at some point, you have to be so sick and tired of who you are and what you represent to yourself that you don't want to be that anymore. And when the book says that we were reborn, it's not kidding. It's not. It's not. You know, it's not particularly a Christian thing. It's just that we were reborn. Okay? We came from a position of total desperation where there were no other choices. And we finally prostrated ourselves at God's feet and said, I can't do this. I'm out of gas. I'm dying here. And I need your help. And if there isn't, if there isn't any help, this deal's over. Okay? And sometimes, in fact, most of the time, we need to be there. Now, what happens once a year? You know why I write inventory once a year? Or you know why I go through the steps once a year? Because I get so damn sick and tired of being me. I really do. I mean, I just, I get sick of me. And I'll sit there and I just don't want to be me anymore. And so what I'll do is I'll jump back in the fire. And I will go through and I will question everything about me. I will question everything I believe, everything I can dig up, my whole thought process, what, and I do this through inventory, how I act. I'll challenge almost everything. And I'll see whether that's something, that I want to be. We were having a discussion this morning, earlier, and there are some gifts that I think you should be aware of and that God will allow us to have. And the gift is about choosing who we are. We get to choose who we are. We get to choose what we are. We get to choose who our friends are. We get to choose what our principles are. And if we do that with God's vision in mind, we can become that. And one of the greatest gifts about knowing who you are is that other people can't tell you who you are. When other people come up and tell you who you are, you already know. So that always comes as kind of a surprise or as something humorous because you've already established that and you've got to work toward it and act like it. And so we have those choices. The problem is, if you don't make those choices for yourself, somebody else will. And they'll start telling you who you are because that's what they'll want you to be. Okay? And if you choose to be what someone else wants you to be, you will never be who you are. See, I don't want to talk in circles here, but we have those choices today. Okay? And every time I go through this process again, I know what I would like to be. And what I'd like to be is not what I am first, but I also know what I'd like to be. And I write down the principles that I want to live by. Principles, incidentally, are something that are very vague in Alcoholics Anonymous. And we'll get to that in inventory when it talks about people, institutions, and principles. How many people do you know that have ever written, in inventory, about principles? Rarely happens. Okay? All right. So the gift of desperation is wonderful. It'll take us to where we finally have to be. It will finally put us in a position where we give up, where we virtually say, whatever you got in mind. Now, if our mission here, is to carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities, we can't do that unless we're willing to let go of the vision of our will. Okay? So it's important that we understand that we are... I love the thing in the book that says we're on the leading edge of God's ever-advancing creation. That means we're the shock troops. Okay? Okay? Yes. We're the people out in front. And I had mentioned this last night. Being in God's army is not an easy deal. Okay? It's not. You'll be called upon to do things that are going to irritate everybody in the room. But you're either going to do this or you don't. You're either going to believe what you believe or you're not. And you're either going to act in that manner or you're not. And so the one thing that I wanted... that I would really like to give you is the ability to... to... to stand for something. One of the things that people... There's a guy in Denver that asks me questions that I hate. But he's very good at it. And he looked at me one day and he said, What do you stand for? What do you stand for? And I'm thinking that's a pretty broad, encompassing kind of question. And I didn't know how to answer it. And I said, Well, I don't know. And he said, Then you don't stand for anything. Whoa. Get the hell out of here. It just... And I thought about that and I thought, What do I stand for? You know, if somebody's dying... And they're trying to do something... And I'm not going stuff in front of them, I don't know what... I talk very vidially about myself. UKieranism. I walk in front of them and I know that I'm willing... So I need some coffee to drink, to calm down. And I drink wine. I drink. I drink like a smoker. Is it酸 It's the way it is. In terms of you know, why are you putting your entire body into that? Because it's actually that. In that reduce the stress. contest here. We're talking about helping people to stop dying from alcoholism. And am I so interested in holding my ego above all of this that I don't want to look bad even when someone's dying from this disease right in front of me? No. Okay? We need to ask ourselves that question. Are we willing to step up to the plate here? You know, I don't see anybody in this room that's drunk. Okay? So we all received this enormous gift from God and one that was where he virtually prevented us from dying from alcoholism. And then we turn around and we're afraid to share what we got. Because we might look bad. Okay? If you choose who and what you are and what your principles are, you don't have to worry about what other people think about you. Because you already know who you are. You chose it. Okay? And you go, well, that's what I am. And then if somebody comes up and goes, you're a jerk. You go, yep, sometimes. You know you can't argue with someone who agrees with you. So we have this enormous gift and we have been given choices which we would do well to take. And we, and especially like this. I mean, if this was some suburban meeting where everybody came in and practiced fear and fellowship and talked about what kind of drugs they were on or whatever the hell they were doing, that's one thing. See, but by the very nature of it, it's not just a matter of the nature of the fact that you're in this room. You have some level of interest about recovery. I mean, why the hell would you come here if you didn't? I'm not that sterling a speaker. I mean, why would you, what would be the point? So by the very nature of the fact that you're here, you have some interest in honing your skills in sobriety. And so that's what we'll talk about. Who else would like to talk? Let's talk about their first step. I have just a question. Please. Today, and like I guess always in Alcoholics Anonymous, there's a lot of things coming in from the outside. In the last year, probably about 60% of the people that come to our group that haven't been in AA for a while are on antidepressants or their generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar, clinically depressed. And that's going to come in from society because we're problem people. How does your group help to sort that out for them, or do you do that? I'd just like to get your ideas on how, because there are so many people today coming in here on this. When you have a group that is cohesive. Now, the cohesion in a group comes from having a common solution. The book talks about, you know about the shipwreck? No. It talks about people from all kinds of different strata in society being held together. And it says that they're not held together by a common peril, which was the shipwreck, but they're held together by a common solution, which is life-saving. Okay? The book also talks about depth and weight, that being a message that is clear, precise, unafraid, and understandable. Okay? So, first of all, the first thing you can do is you can make your home group strong. And that is by carrying a consistent and precise message to other people in your group. Over time, that has, I can't tell you. You can polarize a group. Absolutely polarize it. And this is the truth. And I'm done. You can go into a group that has no solution at all. One person. And as long as you sit in that group and you do two things. You talk about what the book says and you talk about what your experience is. Because people can't argue with either one of them. Because they don't know what the hell's in the book. And they can't argue with your experience because it's your experience. So, no one can take exception with what you say. If you sit in that group and you... And you... And you... And you... And you... And you... And you... And you... Consistently. And you can't just go on a strafing mission in somebody else's group. That doesn't work. You know why? Because you don't come back. And you think you're going in there and planting seeds and all you're doing is you're planting derision. All right? So, you go into that group and then you stay there. Even over their protests. And you carry on. a clear, precise, and quiet message. You go in there and you say, well, they'll say we're going to talk, every once in a while they'll talk about steps or whatever, and you go, well, the big book says da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and my experience is da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and then you shut up, and that's the end of it. And you'll sit in there for like three or four months and nobody will talk to you. And then all of a sudden somebody will come up and they'll go, I didn't do it like that. And you go, I know. And they'll say, but did I do it wrong? And you go, I don't know, what's the book say? And they'll go, well, I don't know. And they'll say, well, how'd you do it? And you go, well, I did it like this. And then, huh? Yeah, and they'll go, can you show me how to do that? And you go, uh-huh. If you're willing to do this, then let me tell you what the deal is. And then you tell them about sponsorship and what the responsibility on both sides of that equation are. And if they agree to it, you'll start plowing the ground, okay? And you get that person through the book, and they usually have friends in the group. And then they will see the lights come on. And they're... There is a spiritual, visible, spiritual change in people when they do this. And I'm inclined to think that that's God sort of beaming out of them, okay? And other people will see that. And my favorite word about this process is inexorable. It means you can't stop it. It is going to move. Whether you like it or not. And that whole process at that point will become inexorable. Because you're standing there, and you are carrying a clear and precise and unafraid message. And people will hear that. And they will be attracted to it. Now, people in AA are... So we're kind of odd in the respect that in... In Alcoholics Anonymous likes attract. Okay? That means that all the BSers are going to hang out with all the BSers. And all the people who really want to get well are going to hang around with the people who want to get well. Okay? It just... It breaks out like that. You don't have a lot of middle-of-the-road stuff in AA. You've got them hanging out in either camp. Okay? And if you make your group cohesive, I'll get to the thing about drugs. But first of all, before you do that, you've got to have a group that's held together by a common solution. Once that occurs, here's what happens. Your group will put peer pressure on everyone else in that group to be actively engaged in the process. Okay? Okay? It's difficult. Okay? It's difficult for some people to come into a group like the one I belong to and not be doing the steps because people are going to be in their face. You know, you have a certain portion of your group that's evangelistic at every given time. And, man, they are out there picking off the cripples. And... So you get this cohesive group with a common solution. And you have a common solution that has peer pressure to engage in the process. Now, once that's established, people who come in with... with... Well, he's... People who come in who are taking those substances will watch that. Okay? And they will want to become a part of it. And I am extremely reluctant to tell people to get off drugs. Not because I don't think it'd benefit them, but because I'm not a doctor. And there are people who are... who are medically enhanced seriously by taking drugs. People who would be unable to perform in society without them. By the same token, there are people who... whose drug use, from my point of view, is virtually superfluous. It's... It's unnecessary. It's like handing someone a binky or whatever they call those things. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And doctors and doctors are more than willing to give them things that would change that viewpoint. I have recently taken a number of people to emergency rooms. And I was telling Valerie this morning, there's a drug out there called Klonopin. Jesus, I just, I don't know who the hell made that one up. But I hope it benefits somebody, because everyone that I've seen that took it, I had to take to the emergency room. So, you know, which is not to say that some people don't benefit from it, but the drunks I know, they'd go off the deep end with that shit so fast. So what we do is we put peer pressure on people to engage in the process. And one of the things that happens, and we don't say you have to get off the drugs, we say, well, you know, I was on Librim and Valium when I was drinking for a long time, to the point where... to the point where I had some serious side effects when I came off it. And I quit drinking and quit taking drugs at the same time, which was a real three-ring circus. So we, you know, people will have a clear enough mind so they say maybe I can operate without this stuff. And then they'll start challenging their physicians about whether they really have to use it or not. And it... One of the things is that when we turn from where's mine to what can I do for you, a lot of that silliness that goes on in our head goes away. You know, if I get up in the morning and I do my 11th step, my mind immediately goes to God. And then I'm... I'm... I'm... When I'm practicing those things through the day, which are in the 11th step, my mind tries to stay in God. And then I'm not worried about myself all the time. And that's really what a lot of that stuff is about, is poor me and what's going to happen next. See, if you write a list of the things you're going to do during the day and that, like all this stuff in the 11th step, that blows all that stuff out of the water. There is enormous psychological advantage to doing these things. You know, it's like I don't think 10% of the people in AA do the 11th step. I just don't think they do. And the truth is that there are things in there which will keep you emotionally stable all through the day. And there are some people who would rather cry about their emotions than to do anything about it. You know, let me tell you, the other day, three weeks ago, I was seriously ill. And I didn't know what to do anymore. And... And I was trying to get out of bed in the morning, basically. And was having some difficulty doing it. And I was having this conversation with God about his management style. And I was highly critical. And I... And then I said my favorite prayer, God, please remove my fear and show me what you'd have me be. And what I heard is, why don't you get off your ass and get out of bed? Really? And I thought, okay. And I went... This doctor of mine is, you know, his idea of solving problems is giving you more medication so you can cover the symptoms. And I'm not offended by him. I mean, that's his job, I guess. And so... So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so, And I bought a book on my condition. I'm an adult onset diabetic. And so I got a book on my condition. And within 48 hours I had stabilized the whole thing. All right? And then I was taking so much medication that it became practically lethal. And I god damn near killed myself with the medication. And then I went to the emergency room and got the doctor over there and said, this has got to stop. I'm not doing this anymore. This is not a lifestyle that I want to continue. So today I'm virtually off medication. My blood sugars are normal, blood pressure is normal, cholesterol is normal. I'm 20 pounds down in a month. My energy level is twice what it was. And see, if I don't listen to these messages, if I don't listen to my intuitive thought, I might as well take a gun and shoot myself in the foot. If I want direction, all I've got to do is say, God, you've got to give me something to work on here because I don't know what to do anymore. And I get those kind of answers, and you can too. This is an enormous adventure. If you have any curiosity about the spiritual life, you wouldn't believe the stuff that happens here. And the miracles start, and then they don't ever stop. You know, sometimes we have these outrageous miracles that happen to me, like how about get off your butt and get out of bed. That's a miracle to me because I couldn't have got to the bookstore, and I couldn't have got the book, and I couldn't have done something that nobody else seemed to know how to do. And God's just saying, Bob, you've got to go do this, but I'll take care of the problem for you. Okay? And that's what happened. Just another miracle in my life. And they don't stop. And sometimes they're outrageous. I mean, sometimes they're spooky. And you would never find this out unless you go looking. So anyway, Alan, the point of that whole thing is that peer pressure in groups, from my experience, will drive people into the process. And once they get in the process, they will start feeling the benefits of having been in there. And as any good alcoholic will believe, if this is good, more is better. And they'll go looking to feel better and to feel more spiritual. And at some point it will occur to them that all those substances are keeping them from seeing the truth, from having clarity. Anybody else? Yes. Yes. I'm Linda. Hey, Linda. Linda. And my... My first death experience has a lot to do with singleness of purpose and drugs. And I have shared this experience with other people who have had it. And it's not about being, you know, cast aside by AA at all. It was about my choices. But I came into AA because I couldn't stop drinking on my own. And... But I still smoked pot. So one day I... I decided to ask this guy, you know, because maybe he would do it with me. And he said, No, Linda, you need to go to NA. So, you know, being a good little alcoholic, I did what I was told. And so for the next... This is an ugly time, but the next three years and untreated alcoholism, going back and forth, you know, really set out to piss people off in the first place and did that for three years. Yes. So, um... God placed this woman in my life and I asked her to sponsor me and she took me through the doctor's opinion and then I finally got clear about the fact that I did not have this craving for drugs and that I wasn't going to have that. Right. But I had tried to be so hard for so long because I wanted to be part of something else. I did not want to be part of AA because they were all old and crotchety and they didn't like it. Thank you. Thank you. I see that God led me back where I needed to be. Thank you. Yes. But also, I can't be so quick to jump in and tell somebody what they are or are not before we investigate that through the process. Right. So that's just big in my heart. Did you ever hear of a speaker named Janice Del Campo? I've heard of her name. She's... That's her story. Didn't know what she was. A lot of people come in here and don't know whether they're fish or fowl. Okay. And there's a very, very blurred line today. And the reason why is because almost no one comes into Alcoholics Anonymous anymore just having taken... just being a drunk. My experience with that, after years and years of Librium and Valium, when I was drinking, I... was... that in my mind I believed that I couldn't... might be able to stop drinking, even though it's, you know, I mean, stopping drinking for me was horrible. It was about DTs and all kinds of silly stuff. I didn't believe I could ever get off those drugs, although I didn't know what they did. Didn't feel them. Just was... believed I couldn't operate without them. Quit it all at once. And then, when I... when I... when I went through the process to treat my alcoholism, any interest in any of that other stuff went away. And so, you know, some people come in here and their ego's so pumped up wanting to say they're junkies. Or they want to stand up in front of everybody and go, I'm a dope fiend. And, you know, I sit back there and go, you're full of shit. You know... Yeah. I... There are real junkies, and they do belong in N.A., but a lot of people who come in here are confused about what they are. And the acid test to that is to go through the process and see if it works. You know, if you're a junkie, this is based on a very good premise. And the premise is that you can't have a spiritual experience based on a lie. So I've seen people come into Alcoholics Anonymous who are cocaine addicts. And I mean, they didn't even care about drinking. And they'd come into A because they couldn't get anything in C.A. So they'd come over here because they felt that we had a stronger program, but when they came in here, they'd say they were alcoholics. And then they'd wonder why it didn't work. Okay? See, that's an obvious lie, even clear to them. And a guy in Los Angeles asked me that. He said, well, but there's a lot better... sobriety, basically, over here than there is over there. And I want to find out... stay here long enough to figure out what we're doing and take it over there. It works on cocaine, too. And we, in my home group, have step workshops for C.A. and for N.A. And we have junkies that come to us and say, teach us the steps. And then they go back to their home, and they go back to their groups. And they take that message to them. And there's an awful lot of people who are walking around today that always throws me clean and sober who came to A.A. to find out what the message was. But they came right. They said, will you show us how this process works? Yes? Getting back to the singleness of purpose, one of my spasides came to me, and she was very distraught. She said, what is our singleness of purpose? And she said, what is the common solution? She said, I go to these different meetings, and I hear all sorts of things. But what really got her tail wagged up is that she came out of a meeting after it was a big book focus meeting, and three women were sitting there, and they were comparing, well, I take Valium, and that makes me feel better, and I take Prozac, and oh, that's a better way. And she said, well, what do you think about that? And I said, I don't have any experience with that. But the other thing that I see, and my question is, is what I see with people that are on a lot of medication is that it takes away their desperateness. I know that when I came in, if they would have given me any of those happy drugs, I would have been probably happy and may never have gotten sober. That's my experience. Because I was so damn desperate. Right. And that was the solution, and I heard the consistent message that I went ahead and surrendered. But if I would have had any other way out, I never would have done it. And that's the only thing that I see, is that because I've taken people through the work that is, that I've Prozac, and they see when they do their four-step, they see what the clarity, but then it doesn't seem to change with them. Because that's my experience in life. So, you know, I know you've had some different experiences, but you still can't tell them at the same time. But the common solution is consistent. Yes. And we have different solutions. Some people say, well, just take, act as if, just take the right actions. If you keep acting right, it will happen. But then there's other people say, well, you've got to work the steps. And so our common solution, I think, has been sort of diluted. And then you bring in, there's treatment center people. Right. And so that's why getting the common solution, that's why I agree with you. Thank you. Camille and I, in early sobriety, hung out at the same clubhouse in Denver. It's a place called York Street, which is sort of the mother house in Denver. And that was a great old time. An awful lot of people that are still sober that did that. Let's, it wasn't, it wasn't mentioned, it wasn't mentioned last night. But the, the question that I ask people when they're curious about whether they're really alcoholics or not is this. There's a description in the book that says, if when you honestly want to, you find you can't quit entirely. Okay. And then it says, or, which means that either that or the one that follows it are sufficient by themselves. Right? So, if when you honestly want to, you find you can't quit entirely. Entirely means you don't start again. Okay? You know, I used to quit all the time. But, if, if you honestly want to, you really say, my life sucks and I don't want to do this anymore. I'll tell you, your life can suck without doing this. You don't have to be laying that stuff on top of it. Okay? If when you honestly want to, you find you can't quit entirely, if you can't stop and stay stopped when you really want to. Okay? Or, once you start, you have a little control over the amount you take. Which means, can you say this? I am going to regiment my drinking. I'm going to be a, what do they call those? Not social drinkers. A temperate, what is something temperate? Average temperate drinker. I'm going to be an average temperate drinker. Jesus, what a dream. You got to, and what I'm going to do, it's called the Marty Mann test. Marty Mann was one of the first women in AA. I'm going to take two drinks a day for a month. No more, no less. And if I can pull that off, I'm not an alcoholic. Now, I'm not sure that that's totally reliable, but it's a pretty good indication about whether people are out of control. I don't, I've seen somebody pull that off every once in a while, and sometimes you wonder why they're in AA. In incident, do you know there's a lot of people in AA who aren't alcoholic? This is like a landing zone for nuts. You know how you can tell? They do the steps and nothing changes. And then there, I shouldn't even say this. Sometimes people will get in Al-Anon and think they're not in the big leagues. And they'll jump the fence. Isn't that awful? I hate to even say that. Because there are some people who come through Al-Anon who are real alcoholics, and that's how they find out. And I certainly wouldn't imply that everybody that jumps the fence is over here. They're just getting the big game. And that is the big game over there for people who are living with alcoholics or who have other alcoholics around them. So there are a lot of people who show up in Alcoholics Anonymous who have no real reason to be here. And the acid test is if you drive them through the work, they're not a speck of difference. They just have been through the work. Where were we going with all that? Yes? Don't you find those are the people that say, just don't drink. Yes. Yes. Yes. You know, the steps are good, but you just don't drink and go to meetings. And I watch them, and they just don't drink and they go to meetings. They're fine. And that's where the commonality, the solution gets diluted. Because we're over here saying, you've got to work the steps, you've got to do service, you've got to do this and this. And they're just saying, oh, no, no, no. Just don't drink and go to meetings and it's going to be fine. What do you think? That's where it gets diluted, I think. Well, I was up in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, speaking at a convention. And a bunch of young guys came up and they said, hey, we've got a step group going here. We're in the book and we're doing it. And we're really having fun. But I've got to tell you, these old-timers here are telling us we don't have to do any of this. In fact, we're wrong in doing it. And he said, what do you do with that? And I said, tell them they're full of shit. Excuse me. I shouldn't... And he said, can you do that? And I said, absolutely. And he said, great. And the next thing I knew, they ran this guy up that had 30 years of sobriety. And this guy came up and he shook my hand and he was very solemn and everything. And he said, well, I really enjoyed what you said tonight, but I didn't believe that stuff about this and that. And I said, well, that's right out of the book. And he said, well, I don't believe it. And I said, well, I guess that shows how much you know about this program, huh? And he just got mad and turned... turned on his heel and walked away. And I looked at this guy and I said, just like that. Okay? You know what? If you're full of crap, you're full of crap. And sometimes it works real good if you tell people. Because they've been getting away with that manure for a long time and they think that they're protected by how long they've been in the program. And I've got to tell you, if you're wrong, you're wrong. And at some point, that ought to be addressed. So, you know, please understand, I'm probably a little blunt. Just a little. But I don't do that to hurt people. And I would never just go, you know, go ripping on somebody unless I thought there was some real positive purpose to that. And I'll tell you a story. I went to a meeting and there was this woman there that was so pitiful. Just come off another drunk. She just huddled over like this. You know, she was practically sitting in the fetal position. And there were like ten people surrounding her. And they're going, it's okay, honey. You'll be just fine. And she's carrying on. And she's doing this in the meeting. You know, and people are getting up and walking across the room and stroking her. And it got around to me. And I said, I'd like to talk about that lady that's all burnt out over there. And man, she popped up like a jack-in-the-box. And here's the thing about intuition. It kind of happening pretty quick. And- sudden it just pops up. He doesn't want to say anything to me, because he's just joking with me, but he just makes fun of me. I see it all the time that the mind is saying, let me try to figure out how to do that. He's not tired. He starts UndiagnLIve my thoughts. I'm vague right about the body, I just begins to realize maybe this is trying to stop me. If there's no action so I won't be able to talk. It can't be... Um, I don't think that's an appropriate way. I'm just, I have to say, I'm just not sure what to do. And I walk into this like this and say, God, please help me to be an instrument of Thy will. And then what comes out, comes out. And it's all part of your intuitive process. And the thing that will stop you is if you don't trust it. And so I'm looking at that and I know that if I say that, that I am going to virtually alienate the whole room. And I mean when I said that, this woman not only popped up, every head in that place snapped. She has 23 years of sobriety today. And when she came back, she left that meeting and put herself in a treatment center. And when she came back, she came up to me and she was real bashful. And she said, do you remember saying that to me? And I went, oh yeah. And she said, it's the only thing I heard about. So you may think that you're acting like some sort of pariah or jerk or whatever. And what you're doing is you're digging deep enough to get to somebody. Okay? And sometimes they're so far inside themselves. We know what that is. I mean we experienced that for years. Sometimes people are so far inside that you virtually got to jam your fist in there and yank them out of there. And sometimes the only way you can do that is by really barking at them. Now, the next question is do you have the courage to do that? Okay? It's... You know, are you unafraid of looking bad in front of your group? And please don't go out and, you know, just beat the hell out of people for grins. But allow your intuitive thought free reign. Because when you do that, you truly can do God's work by doing things that other people are afraid to do because of their egos. Do you see that? It's a lot of fun. It is. Because in retrospect, you see that you made a choice based on things that you would not normally do based on your ego. And you go and you do them and you see how God worked through you because you had the courage to take a position to stand for something. So see, before you leave here today, ask yourself that. What do you stand for? I know. I know what I stand for. I wrote it down. Okay? So ask yourself what you stand for. And ask yourself if you have the courage of your convictions. And ask yourself if you're willing to step up to the plate when somebody's dying in front of you even if it looks unpopular. Because that's what we're about. You know, we didn't get all this stuff just so we could sit in a corner and feel smug. Okay? We got this stuff so we could carry this to someone else. When I work with something, it's the first thing out of my mouth. I'll show you how to do this, but here's the stipulation. You've got to show somebody else. Because that's the way this fellowship grows. By people who are clear, precise, and unafraid. Okay. Okay. I'd like to add to that. I'm going to call. Hey, Richard. And I've heard more than one time, but please don't tell people, pet them on the back or pet them on the rear and tell them that everything's going to be okay. I've had some, you know, in the room, some years sober. And then once I started that process of mounting in and out, what I would hear was, well, you know how to do it. You do. Inside, I'm screaming. Hell no, I don't know how to do it. Right. I'm going to run back out. And now I'm sitting down. I did not know how to do it. And, you know, I think at that time, well, I know at that time, we never learned. I never learned. I don't know why. I mean, the truth is the truth today, as I know it, comes from the Father's hand. And I think I owe it to myself. Yeah. Do you know that, see, this is really about you get in here. The first step is I can't fix myself. Okay? First step is I can't fix myself and you can't fix me either. And the second step is about the only person. that can fix me is God. So one of the things that we really have to have perspective about is this is about getting close to God. That's what this whole deal is. You don't like God? Tough. Get over it. When I came in, I was so desperate. When they presented this idea of God to me, I'm going, yeah, fine. And it's, you know, do you believe? Nope. Well, you're out of luck. You know, when they explained that to me, I, this is the first day of sobriety. This is right before I went into DTs. Bob, you told me you can't stop drinking. You know, you're right. I can't help you. We can't give you anything. We can't tell you anything. We can't do anything. You're out of luck. There is no power in this building or this room or in me or anything else that can save you. And if there is no power, there better be a God. And you better turn to Him and you better hope He isn't mad. And, you know, God doesn't give you power. He doesn't give you anything. He doesn't give you anything. You don't have to be mad. God gets amused in my view. You know, when I was seven years sober, I got divorced. And I fired an ex-business partner, got sued for four and a half million bucks. My kids stopped talking to me. My car burned up. And I almost went out of business. And I had moved from a very nice house to living in a one-bedroom apartment with a little girl. And I had rented furniture. And at night I would sleep there and I would sleep with the sheets up to here. And I had them folded over and everything. And I was watching the cockroaches running across the sheets. And about that got my attention. You know, I'm sitting there going like this and going... And I got up out of bed and stood on the bed and waved my fist at God and asked Him to come down and fight like a man. And He said, You know, I can't do that. I can't do that. You know, that's as angry as I've been. You know, I was screaming at Him. You know, I was doing everything I could do to incite His anger. And my view of that is that God was probably rolling on the floor. And see, God can't take you to a better place unless you agree. Do you see? God is polite. That's one thing that I've really found out about God is that God is polite. And that means He will not go anywhere where He is not invited. And so if you want God in your life, ask Him. It's pretty simple. Okay? Everybody goes, Okay, well, I'd like that. You go, Okay. And then they go, Buddy, in here. And you go, Here. Watch my lips. God, please be part of my life today. Magic. Okay? It's... So we bring this vision of God's will into all our activities. That's really what the 10th Step is about, too. So, anyway, How we doing here? Just give me 10 minutes and we'll... I want to talk about the second step and it's about coming to believe. And I think that's a very important thing to do. And... The trick here is if you're even willing to believe. There are some descriptions about people who are kind of on the edge in the book. I like them. We stood at the turning point. Okay? That means... That means we're going to turn somewhere. Right? Beaten into a state of reasonableness. Laughter Those are descriptions about people who have to do an about-face in life. That have to change their mind. Okay? In order for God to work in our lives, we have to change our mind about things. And... And it's usually desperation that will bring us to that point. So this doesn't say you have to believe. It says are you even willing to believe? In my early sobriety, in the first weeks of my sobriety, actually in the first months of my sobriety, I prayed to a God I didn't believe in. I just prayed. I was so damn scared that if it worked at anything that works, if I didn't have to drink again, if I could hold off my alcoholism somehow by just mouthing some words that's something I didn't understand or believe in, I would have to do it again. So... So that's what I did. So you don't have to believe. I mean you don't have to know. And then God... See, here's one of the things people get caught up on. I'm not going to believe this unless I understand it. You know, if I don't have a clear picture in my mind, screw it. You want to know the truth? If God is this, which is pretty funny all by itself, if He's infinite, if He's omnipotent, if He's omniscient, and if He's omnipresent, which are all descriptions of God, all powerful, everywhere, knows everything, does all His stuff, that whole concept is beyond my comprehension. Okay? I can't understand that. With my finite mind, I can't get my arms around a clear description of God. So, so something happens here, which the book talks about, about making the leap to shore. And that is, at some point, this whole process becomes an act of faith. That is, we choose to believe something we can neither see, touch, or understand. And that we just believe it because we hope it works. Okay? And that's the way an awful lot of people come to God. I sure did. The next thing is that God, nobody wants to go to God because they know where they've been. And they're thinking, I know, God's going to look at this. And He's going to say, you don't belong here. Okay? In Denver, we call that going to God with egg on your face. Alright? God will take you anyway. You don't have to be presentable to go to God. He wants you to get God's attention. All you've got to do is say something. All you've got to do is pray. All you've got to do is tell God you need some help. And you can go to God. And then the question is, you watch and see what happens. See? And see if your life changes. And see if God answers. And see if you stop participating in a degenerative and fatal disease. And start living life. And start growing. And start being productive. And start being thoughtful. And start being helpful. And start turning your thoughts to people you can help instead of spending all your time thinking about what you can get next. Okay? You want to take a break? Alright. YETI bursts out of breath I did that in a department store and they did you know like