Step 4 and the Sane and Sound Ideal – Bob D.

About This Speaker Tape

Bob D. dismantles the process of the sex and resentment inventories moving from the technical layout of page 69 to the raw reality of human wreckage. He argues that the sex inventory isn't about positions or morality but about becoming a partner worth having.

He maps out the danger of the 'judgment machine' of the ego using a harrowing account of a terminally ill friend Billy T. to illustrate how imagined resentments can almost drive a person to violence. The narrative peaks with Bob's own collapse: a divorce and the discovery that his wife and his favorite sponsee had been sleeping together for a year.

He traces this betrayal back to his own absence and self-centeredness eventually finding a path to forgiveness and friendship through the rigorous application of the Big Book's perspective-shifting exercises.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Bob D. opens with a joke about sex and introduces the Big Book's sex inventory on page 69.
• 5:15 Discussion on the 'Sober Kama Sutra' and the nine questions for evaluating past relationships.
• 12:40 Bob explains the 'judgment machine' of the ego and the permanence of resentment compared to guilt.
• 16:10 Story of Jerry, an ex-Navy chief, and the 'list of people you feel smugly superior to'.
• 22:30 The story of Billy T. and the danger of imagined resentments.
• 30:15 Bob discusses the 'deadly game' of pretending not to have resentments to fit in.
• 35:40 Bob shares the wreckage of his divorce and the betrayal by his wife and sponsee.
• 42:10 The process of using the resentment inventory to find compassion for his ex-wife and sponsee.
• 46:00 Bob's amends to his ex-wife and the realization of his own absence in the marriage.