Step 4 and the Depressive Type Who Felt He Got a Raw Deal – John K.

About This Speaker Tape

1956, Pomona. John K. is purple in the face with yellow eyeballs, shivering in a hospital bed while hearing a football game broadcast coming from a water cooler.

He is the "depressive type," a lifelong crybaby who believes he was dealt a losing hand. From a childhood of "Stomp the Christmas Tree Night" to years as a merchant seaman smoking weed and shoving needles in his arm, John describes himself as an underachiever who majored in being a jackass. He spent years as a "horizontal drunk," drinking sweet wine and turpentine hydrate to put his problems to sleep.

After a failed suicide attempt and a $50 session with a psychiatrist who sat like a surfboard, John hit the bottom of the pits. He surrendered to a Higher Power and the "home of the dirty rats," trading his wreckage for a life where he can finally sleep and eat like a champ.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:45 Laughter: John's struggle with tying a tie and his 'mental block'.
• 3:15 John describes the violence of his childhood, including 'Stomp the Christmas Tree Night'.
• 6:20 The 'mortal sin' of the peanut during first holy communion.
• 11:10 Life as a merchant seaman and the 'marijuana maroon' tankers.
• 15:40 The 'nod' and the accident involving a truckload of tuna.
• 21:10 Discussion of the 'ABCs' of alcoholism and the 12 and 12.
• 26:30 The 'tequila cure' and the physical collapse in the Pomona hospital.
• 31:15 Meeting his first sponsor, Kenny H., the North Dakota wheat farmer.
• 36:40 The 'Cuckamonga Pride' sweet wine and the 'horizontal drunk' phase.
• 42:10 The $50 psychiatrist and the 'surfboard' sitting position.
• 46:50 The final straw: throwing up on his sister's date.
• 52:10 Reflections on the courage of Harry and the nature of AA as a celebration.