Step 4 and the Bloody Chart in the Big Book – Russell S.

Good evening, my name is Russell. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a member of the Carl Gables Group of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's good to be here. Nice, huh? How was Stevie D? You all here for Stevie D with Backslash? what he's a wonderful guy and I love him a lot and he has a real heart for people in the heart for this program and I'm glad when I can't be here I'm able to call on people like Stevie to step up to the plate and help out with things I'll talk a little bit about a bunch of things but I'll try to focus somewhere around the fourth step and you know different have different people have different ways of doing these things and I know when I was interested in doing the fourth step I did the fourth step when I Was about 18 months over and I stalled on it I balked on it like everybody else does and I don't know what everybody does but I did and but one of the things I used to do is I would go around to different meetings to different step groups I mean step meetings, step series to listen to speakers talk about the fourth step so I could figure out how to do it. Because it was so complicated. I mean, I had been to... Let me see. I had graduated with a Bachelor's of Science, Department of Honors in Mathematics. I was going for my PhD in Algebraic Topology. I was a National Science Foundation Fellow. I had gone to law school. I had postdoctoral degrees. And I just couldn't figure out this fourth step thing. It was just way too complex. I just didn't get it. I didn't understand it. And by the way, when I finally got it, I needed to find the right person. You know, I needed the list of Jesus or somebody from the podium who would explain to me how to do the fourth step so that I could understand because it made no sense to me. And you know, that's important because I ain't lying about that. And I want you to think about that for a second. It didn't matter how smart I was, it didn't matter how much money I was making, it didn't mater how far I'd gone in school, it didn' t matter what my IQ was, and I'm not saying I was stupid, and i know you guys aren't stupid, it had nothing to do with it. I want u to understand that I knew a lot about everything, I knew everything, but that's all I knew. The only thing I didn't know is what the one thing was that would save me. I know everything about everything except I didn't know how to save me I was blank I want you to imagine a situation where you know everything about everything but the only thing that will save you you have no clue even if it's in front of your face you're like blinded it's an amazing way to live your life amazing way to live my life think about it where you're successful in a whole bunch of different you're not like an idiot savant You're successful in a lot of different areas, you know a lot of different things. But the one thing that will stop you from total destruction whether it's a Britney Spears thing, losing your kids or some sort of suicidal where you're diving over whatever. The one thing That'll save you from dying on the planet Earth you just can't see it. Doesn't matter how smart you are. For some reason you just don't get it. And when I finally did the fourth step by the way, when I finaly did it some guy said to me and I was a guy who read the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and I read and I studied and all that stuff when I finally did it some guys I had never met before at an AA meeting where I was whining about how I was feeling and how I felt horrible and I knew I had to do my force up one guy said this to me this is what he said tome with all the step meetings I went to and all the people I wentto see this iswhat he saidto me he said well why don't you go home tonight and sit down and pick up a pencil. Pick up a pencil. And I said, pick up. He says, just pick up a pencil and start. And I went home and I picked up his pencil and I opened the book and you know what I saw when I opened up the book? A chart. Did you guys know that there's a chart? I mean, I know you can write Hazleton and get charts. You can go on the internet and probably find right in fourth step. There's probably 10,000 fourth steps. Did you know in the big book of alcoholics and honest, there is a bloody chart with four lists. And you know how many times I had seen that chart in 18 months? 50, 100, 200 times I flipped through it and seen that chart. I mean, it's a picture. You know, it was like looking through Playboy magazine. It's the centerfold. And I'm saying, how do you do the four step? How do you do it? I don't understand. How do you do this? And some guy said, pick up a pencil. And I went and opened up the book, and there was a chart. And for the first time, I saw it. So how do you explain something like that? How do you explain something like that, and that's what I want to talk to you about tonight. I'm not even going to tell you how to do the fourth step, because you want to know something? Those who are going to do it, are goingto do it. Because, you know why I know that? Because if you have a desire to stop drinking, if you want a desire, if youwant what we have, then you're ready to take these steps, and you'll be ready to taking them. And if you don't want we have, or you're not willing to go to A&E it ain't going to matter. You ain't going to do it no matter what I say. So I know the ones that are going to do it are goingto do it. I don't have to tell you how to do it. You know why I don' t have totell you howto doit? Listen, you ready? Because there's a chart. And I just told you that there was a chart so you have no excuse. It's not like 10 years from now you come to AA and say I finally did the fourth step I donn't know how todo it. Some guy if I remember correctly He did tell me there was a chart. And if you want to do this thing, you'll see the chart. You'll go home and you'll pick up a pencil. And if você não quer fazer isso, você vai pensar em cada razão para entender o que estou falando. Porque a carta vai ser muito complicada para você. Vai ser muito complicado. Então eu quero falar sobre algo mais. O que para mim tem a ver com o quarto passo. E tem a doar com o inventário. Eu sempre gosto de falar sobre a visão. You know they say in the Bible where there is no vision, the people perish. Because I believe that what's important to have a vision is to where this thing takes you. You know, a lot of meetings I go to, they read the promises. I don't know why they read The Promises, because it gives people a vision as to where This Thing can take them and where it can go. So I want to tell you a little bit about The Fourth Step. Now you can speak for hours. I know I can speak for hours on different things The Fourth Step can do. And one of the big things for me, which I may get into but I probably won't get into that much right now is what it does for you as far as your relationship with God. You know, I'm a God guy. I'm going to talk about God and somewhere in here I'm gonna bring up God and there's no question about it that every one of these steps are designed for the primary deal because the primary deal is see that your relationship With Him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others and we suffer from a spiritual malady and it's a spiritual disease and from resentments and the problems that we have and selfishness all sorts of spiritual diseases flow from that and the drinking is just something we use because of our feelings of feeling restless, irritable, discontent because of a spiritual malady. It's not because of an alcohol deficiency or a romance deficiency or a sex deficiency or any of those deficiencies that we try to stuff into us in order to be better. It's because of spiritual deficiency. And the only thing that fills that spiritual deficiency and gives us the power to make choices and be free and have that new freedom is that relationship with God, which is why they say in the big book if a mere set of morals and a better philosophy of life would cure us, we'd be cured long ago. But it didn't help us because we had lack of power. That was our deliverance. That means we had to find the power by which we could live. And that's the reason why we wrote a book and we're going to talk about God. That's why they said there is one who has all power. That one is God. They don't even say higher power. he says that is God, may you find him now I think they're serious they say throughout the book and when you finally get to the 11th step the whole point of the 11st step is now that you have this power we try to improve this relationship so there's no step in here which is not designed to help you to improve that relationship and as the relationship improves, you change and I transform into an incredible remarkable things happen it says if we sincerely try to take this position All sorts of remarkable things happen. You know, I mean, I'm not talking about a car or a girl or a boy or a man. I'm talking about remarkable stuff. Being all powerful, he gives you everything you need if you stay close to him and perform his work well. That's what it says in the big book. It says it all through the big books in different ways. I'm going to talk about it. That's why I'm here today. That's that's what is says. And there's no question that the primary reason we take these steps all over the place, it says to be of maximum service to him. it's not even to feel better there are people that think feeling better is a byproduct of performing the service for him now there are People that think that the whole purpose of this thing is to feel Better but that's no different than the way you were when you were sitting in bars I'm going to have a drink to feel Beter I'm gonna make more money to feel better if you come in here in order to feel bitter and that's probably why we all come in here in the first place ultimately you're going to lose because ultimately what this thing about there's a lot of people that come in here and they hit a meeting to feel better and then they leave and when they feel better they stop going to meetings because they don't need to because what this thing is about it's not about being selfless it's about them feeling better which is just as selfish and still part of the disease just as diseased you're not cured You're actually suffering from the disease when that's it. But there are people that come in here that come to meetings whether they feel good or whether they feel bad. They go out and do service. What their feelings are have absolutely nothing to do with it. It has to do with being grateful, being sober. They ask Bill Wilson, what do you think of people that don't drink and go to meetings? Don't go to meetings. He says, I have no use for them because they have no gratitude. And it's a whole different mindset. There's two different mindsets going on here. There's the people who are here just to feel better. and there are people that are here to give back. And hopefully even some of the people who are here to feel better will ultimately turn into the people that ARE here to GIVE BACK. No matter how they feel. And so, one of the things I want to talk about and we know that we want to have that better relationship with God because more tremendous things will happen. As a matter of fact it says in that same chapter when we talked about chapter 3 it says we will lose fear we'll stop losing interest in our selfish things and our little plans designs will get interest in others that's what the transformation, that's how you can tell when somebody's transformed because that's How You Can Tell that's the fruit of sobriety that's What Real Sobriety Is and a relationship with God, that' s How It's Evidence because they don't talk about their plans and schemes, they don' t come in here and whine and cry like, you know, thumb sucking private, you wouldn't believe what my mother did my father did, my work, I can't believe this they come in and they talk about helping other people they look to help other people, they're not whining and crying not that you can't do that, not that we all don't do But eventually they mature and they grow up and they start talking about other stuff. They talk about the solution. They're interested in helping people. It says we lose fear of today, tomorrow, and the hereafter. We were reborn. We thought well before making sure that we are ready to turn our lives over to Him. You know, it's a whole different mindset. It's a hole different deal when you see what's going on here. And it says in the big book, it says when we have resentments, when we had these problems, when we do have these things, what does it do? What's the real problem? It blocks out the sunshine of the spirit. It blocks our relationship with God. It's not that we don't necessarily believe him or not. It deflects our relationship mit God. That's what happened to Bill Wilson. He said, soon worldly clamors, mostly within myself, block me from him. And so that's what this is all about. And why do we want to have this relationship with god? I'll tell you why we want it. You ever hear the promises being read? Do you remember what they say? They said you're going to have a new freedom and a new happiness. How many people would like that? How would you like that. You don't even know what it is. because it doesn't even say you're going to have the old freedom, it says it's going to be brand new, it's got to be unbelievable. You ever see the movie 2001 Space Odyssey? Anybody ever see that movie, 2001 Space Odyssey? You know when the astronauts, the dead astronaut, whatever he was, dead, floating, he was around, he turns to the other astronaut and he says, something's goingto happen. And the guy says, what? And he says... It's goingo be wonderful. It's gongo be wonderfull. Something's gongo happen to you. You know what it's gono be? It's gonna be wonderful. it says we've experienced you know the best they could do in the big book they said you're going to experience much of heaven and be rocketed in the fourth they didn't say it's going to be really horrible they said you're gonna experience much of heaven and you will be rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence how many people want to sign on for that sucker you know that's the deal that's what's gonna happen and you know what it says in the Big Book not only will we have a new freedom and a new happiness no matter how far down we've gone, no matter what happens, we'll see where it can help others. Help others. Maximum service to God. We're going to see where everything that's happening to us, even the good they're getting this great stuff. You know what we're goingto see? We're gonna lose fear of people. You know when you lose fear of people? You talk faster. You do. Because you're not worried about, I wonder what they think about me. Why did I say that? I know you guys don't do that. I know your guys don' sit around every day 15,000 times a day, why did I say that, why can I say dat? I know you guys don't sit in class when they say anybody has an answer and you have the answer, but you're scared to raise your hand because what if you're wrong? You know, what if they laugh? And I know you don't worry about what other people think about you. I know you guys never say things like, I don't give a crap what they think about me. I don' t, I know, you don' T think about what other people THINK about you, but just in case you're like me that spent their whole life thinking about and worrying about what OTHER people are THINKING about them, what kind of a freedom is that to NEVER have to worry about WHAT anybody else ever THINKS about you? Never have to have that on their mind. Never have TO make that phone call. Never HAVE to have that resentment. Never have to gossip about people and cut them down behind their back because you hate them so much or they make you feel so bad. You never have to be hurt that way. What's that worth to you? You're going to lose fear of people and of economic insecurity. What is it like, you know, not to have to worry about money? Not because you have money, just because you're just not worried about it. What does it like? How much would you pay for having that deal going on? How many times have you gone to an A room? How many time have you been driving around? How many times if you've not been able to sleep at night? How may times have your woken up in the morning, how many times a day do you think about money? How many times today do you think about bills? How may times today did you think about your life and whether or not you're going to be able to survive or pay things or stuff like that. Does it make you feel good? Why don't you stop because you can't right? Because you can stop and it just takes the spin off your fastball and hey it's great but what do you do when you have real problems? What would you do to pay for not having to ever feel that way again or feel that weight very rarely I mean That's why you drank, right? You drank for those feelings. When you drank those feelings went away. They went away when you drank until when you drunk and they got worse and then you had to stop but then it was too late. What would you give to have that all go away? Wipe it out better than the booze and not have any hangover and feel good. What wouldyou give for that? You know what it says you're going to lose fear of people and of economic insecurity and you know what you're gonna see? You're gonna se how you're ready how God is doing for you what you could not do for yourself. So the stuff they're talking about in the promises are not even stuff you can do. If you're sitting there trying to figure out how do I make these promises, how can I get those promises? You ready? You can't. That's the point. You're powerless. You can. If you could, you would have before you got here. You know why? Because you know what it says in the big book of alcohol? You don't have to believe me. It's right in the book. It says God is doing to you what you cannot do for yourselves. Well, how is God going to do that for you if you don't ever have a relationship with Him? that's what this relationship is all about and so part of the fourth step and the fifth step and sixth step behind the whole thing when it comes right down to it it's all about bringing you closer to God so he's going to do for you what you can't do for yourself get those things happening to you and drinking is not even the problem it's out of the question all sorts of other stuff goes it's because you have a relationship with him and that's the only thing that's important that's a central part of your life as they said in the big book you know, that's The Deal we're going to talk about it here And so I want to talk to you about one of the things that's going to happen to you with a four-step, and that has to do with clarity. Or one ofthe terms that could be used as a biblical term is discernment, being able to see things clearly. You know, there's a... I'm going to read you a couple of things from the big book and different stuff about clarity and being ableto see things. I was let me read you this thing from I might have read this before this is called the guy in the glass when you get by the way one of the words I use in here is something called pelf P-E-L-F that's not self it's pelf pelf is stuff it's like things how many people think about things what would be a material thing a car money a home romance do you know in our big book in our 12 and 12 it lumps romance into the same thing as car as a material thing did you know that do you think do you not we think about romance and romantic relationships like we think about cars you go back to your house it's Saturday night you say oh if I only had a girl if I only had a husband If I only had a, you know It doesn't matter what he's like Just give me Just a husband What a crappy person I am I don't have a husband And then we marry some guy And six months later we're saying What the hell am I doing with this schluck You know what I mean Why did I buy this car You know it's just a thing It's just piece of meat I need a girl I need man I needed this I needed that It's just something to add on It's like a pocket I need a Gucci bag It's not just a pocketbook I need an haircut It's a thing to add-on So you'll be okay Because you know without that deal You're nothing That was my problem I was a nothing I used to put something in my body It made me an almost When you're a nothing Almost is top of the world You go out and get some gallon And it makes you into an almost You put that guy on your arm, some guy's like, I'm an almost now. Top of the world. And how long does that last? That's a temporary deal, isn't it? That doesn't work for a long time, does it? You know, I am a divorce attorney. I know that deal. And it is all spiritual. Whenever they get divorced, it is always a spiritual deal. Everything, all the problems I see, it's all spiritually based. I mean, they are not going to listen to me. A lot of them, they aren't going to listening to me, but that's where it is from. It is all about that craving for spiritual fellowship or something that is empty For another, maybe my fifth wife. You know? Multiple divorces. You know, everything is about adding things on to make me happy. Let me tell you something. If you're not happy without, if you're not happy with that, you'll never be happy with. If you are not happy right now, if you're feeling great about your life right now there's nothing I could ever give you that would make you OK. I know you think the million dollars will make you okay you ought to sit around and wonder why all these movie stars that have all this money are going to go down the tubes who are outlaws and addicts, I guess the million dollar doesn't help if you're not feeling good about yourself and happy right now no man, no woman, no thing will ever make you be okay what it'll do is do the same thing booze will do it'll make you ok for a nanosecond for a few minutes, for a couple of hours maybe for a week and then it's down the tube again and then that won't need me enough. You'll need another one because they'll never be good enough. They'll never being able to supply you with what you need because you're so needy. When you get what you want in your struggle for health and the world makes you king for a day then go to the mirror and look at yourself and see what that guy has to say for it isn't your father or mother or wife whose judgment upon you must pass the fellow whose verdict counts most in your life is the guy staring back from the glass. he's the fellow to please never mind all the rest before he's with you clear up to the end and you've passed your most dangerous difficult test if the guy in the glass is your friend you may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum and think you're a wonderful guy but the man in the glasses you're only a bum if you can't look him straight in the eye you can fool the whole world down the pathway of years and get pats on the back as you pass but your final reward will be heartache and tears if you've cheated the guy in the class in the glass. Don't tell me everything's okay when your thought life is about what a worthless piece of crap you are, or how you wish you were dead, or How You Don't Deserve to Live. Don't Tell Me What a Great Person You Are and to look at this thing and look at that thing when you're talking bad things about other people behind their back, or gossiping, or you feel compelled to say bad things because you feel so crappy about yourself, and somehow someway when you talk crap about other people it makes you feel good. Don't telling me what a wonderful person you are and how sober you are when that's your life. When that's your deal going on. When it's all about worry and remorse and guilt and envy and envy and envy in other people and putting down other people because you're jealous or envious don't tell me how wonderful your sobriety is listen I applaud you for being sober you understand what I mean? Because that's important because if you're not sober you ain't getting any of this stuff. But this is about one sobriete, this is About Emotional Sobriety which Bill Wilson said one of the things he said is it's all about unhealthy dependencies. Idolatry. Same deal. Let me read you a couple of other things. Remember, this is all going to be about discernment, ultimately. I'll read you a little story. Discernment. Being able to see things clearly. Clearly. Being able to see clearly. Do you think it's possible? You know what it says in the big book? It says inthe big book, when it talks about The nature of our problem, the real nature of our problem we talked about this week. This is what it says. It says in the chapter let's see whether we can find it how it works this is what it says our real problem is. It's about selfishness and self-centeredness. That's a spiritual problem. Being selfish and self-centered. That we think is the root of our troubles. Don't believe me. The root of your troubles is if you're an alcoholic, if you were here if you are an addict, you're selfish and self-centered. That's not my indictment. That is what the book says. This is supposed to be our basic text, what you agree with. If you're trying to figure out what your problem is, why do I feel the way I do? Why do I think the way? When am I going to get better? What's my problem? You want to know what your problems are? What your problem is? Listen, I'll help you out. You don't even have to look for the chart. You're selfish and you're self-centred. No, but I'm a good guy. I'm an good person. No, you're not. But I love other people. No, you don't. You don't even know what the word means, but I do a couple of nice things for people. So what? The most important person in your life, the only person you always think about is you. You think about you 99.9% of the time and 1% of time you think about somebody else. And when you think about them, you're thinking about you too. Selfishness. Yeah. You know, it's like that old story from that movie beaches, you know, enough about me. What about you? What do you think about me, you know? Selfishness, selfishness, self-centeredness, that we think is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion. Self delusion means you are deluded. Deluded means you suffer from delusions. Delusions of grandeur, deluding you think you're better than or worse than or whatever it is. You just don't see what's going on. You just think you see and you're sure you see, you're absolutely positive you see. Everybody else who disagrees with you is just stupid. You say things like it sounds like this is what it sounds like. You look at the guy with 30 years who's your sponsor and he says something to you like you're an idiot and you say this is what you say. It sounds like this. You don't understand. Delusion. You're deluded. No, he understands. He's got 30 years. You're crazy, you're deluded, you're the one who doesn't understand. The problem is, you don't understand that you don't know how to understand. That's the real problem. It's called denial, okay? Okay, driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows, they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us seemingly without provocation, but we have verily found that sometime in the past, we have made decisions based on self, which later places a position to be heard. So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcohol is an extreme example of self will run riot whatever that means and that's the real problem because you don't know what that means I said it, it sounds good you say I'm an extreme example of self-will run riot but if I ask you what does that mean you can't tell me you don'T know what it means in your life you know when you find out what it means in YOUR life? sometimes at some point in time when you're on smack into a world and your whole world is blown up and you're in a teachable mode where you're actually listening to some sponsor and you'RE doing these steps you'll see for a nanosecond where self-will got you in trouble. That's how you learn about it in the air. You don't learn about sitting comfortably in your chair. Maybe when somebody else is telling their story, you'll be listening to them and all of a sudden you'll say, man, that's what I did. You learn about sideways in here. If somebody confronts you with it, the first thing you say without even thinking about what they're saying is, no, you don't understand. That's not me at all. Because you don' t want to see it. Because if you wanted to see, if you could see it, you'd see it! You're like every client that walked into my office. you got a story. You got a story. And, you know, nobody believes your story. The cops don't believe your story, they arrested you. The judge doesn't believe in your story the jury didn't believe their story, but they convicted you. There's only one person in the entire universe that believes your story You! And you're absolutely sure you believe in their story and it's all a great conspiracy. And maybe one other person your codependent mother who's willing to foot the attorneys bill because my son is innocent blood on his hands a bloody knife, fingerprints you call that evidence they arise in ourselves and the alcoholics is an extreme example of self will run riot though he usually doesn't think so above everything we've got to get rid of self or it kills us it'll kill you God makes that possible so you better have that relationship you've got figure out how to do it that's what the fourth step is all about it's about this discernment to see what's really going on and we're fighting it all along the way and we don't even know we're fighting it we don'T EVEN KNOW WE'RE FIGHTING IT because our brain is doing it and we and the only way we can figure out about our brain is by using our brain and it's all screwed up and so we think we see things that we see the wrong things we think we hear things we hear the wrong thing he sold himself short this last 18 years have been the happiest of my life tried though that statement may seem 15 of those years I would not have enjoyed had I continued drinking doctors told me Before I stopped, I had only three years at the outside to live. This latest part of my life has had a purpose, not in the great things accomplished, but in daily living. Courage to face each day as we place the fears and uncertainties of earlier years. Courage. Courage the face each stay as we replace the fears and uncertainities of earlier year. Acceptance of things as they are as we placed the old impatient chop into the pit to conquer the world. I have stopped tilting the windmills and instead have tried to accomplish the little daily tasks unimportant to themselves or tasks that are an integral part of living fully where derision, contempt and pity were once shown me I now enjoy the respect of many people where once I had casual acquaintances all of whom were fair-weather friends I now have a host of friends who accept me for what I am and over my AA years I've made many real honest sincere friendships that I shall always cherish I'm rated as a modestly successful man my stock of material goods isn't great but I have a fortune in friendships, courage, self-assurance and an honest appraisal of my own abilities Above all, I have gained the greatest thing according to any man, the love and understanding of a gracious God who has lifted me from the alcoholic scrap heap to a position of trust where I've been able to reap the rich rewards that come from showing a little love for others and from serving them as I can. How do you get that deal? I mean, you know, you guys have stopped drinking. You think that's it? How about that deal ? You got that deal going on in your life? What would you get for that deal ?? How would you like to be where that guy is after 18 years? How would you like that deal? Wouldn't that be, that'd be pretty cool. Not only not drinking, feeling like you don't have to justify yourself to anybody. Feeling okay about your life and yourself, whatever your circumstances are. I've been learned, I've learned to be content in all things. In, what does it say when we read the, the deal, the before every meeting, the how it works? If you want what we have and willing to go to any length to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps. It says that, doesn't it say something like Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Remember, it says that, doesn't it? Rarely Have We Seen a Person Fail Who Has Thoroughly Followed Our Path. You know what that, I think, this is what I think it means. I think if you do what they did, you ready? You'll get what they got. You ready? If you do the right thing, if you follow what they said, you'll get what they've got. Now listen to me, I want to tell you something. I'm not making this stuff up. I'm just going to tell you. When they wrote that in 1939, there were about 100 or so sober at different extents. When they said, you do what we did, you'll get what we got. In the book, when they wrote That, those are the same guys that said, based upon what they did, that they had been rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence of which they had not even dreamed. Do you understand what I'm saying? Now listen to me. When they said they had been rocketed in the fourth dimension of existence, which they had not even dreamed, the great fact is this and nothing else, that our God has become our creator, has become the centerpiece of our life. If you do what we did, you'll get what we got. When they set all that, and they put down the promises in that book in 1939, when they talk about all that stuff they got that you want, and you're willing to go to any length to get it, listen to Me. You ready? the big book had not been written you understand that don't you that's all in the big book so whatever they did it had nothing to do with the big book I'm not saying that nothing to deal with it you know I mean they wrote a big book but you understand they weren't working off the big book they're working off the Bible that's why I'm allowed to talk about that stuff now and Dr. Bob and good old timers Hey, you know what this is? This is Dr. Bob and the good old time. This is conference approved. Now I don't know if you guys understand that there ain't no such thing as conference disapproved. I just want to let you know that just in case you're wondering. When people say well that isn't conference approved there is no such things as conference disapproved. Here's what it says. It says look at this it says Bob noted this is page 96 in case your thinking I'm faking Bob noted Bob Dr.Bob noting that there were no 12 steps. Now, I'm not saying don't do the 12 steps I'm just reading you know what I'm doing? Say, what is he doing? Listen to me. Listen to this I'm reading You do whatever you if you want to, listen, you know I know enough about alcoholics, well they'll take what I say and figure out all sorts of things I didn't say. He said don't do the steps. He says don't read the big book I'm READING something You know what I'm reading? I'm writing stuff that 90% of you will never read. You'll never read this stuff, you'll never write the book, you'll just be hovering around this thing if you don't drink for 15, 20 years saying, why isn't it working for me? So I'm written you one part. One guy in here, two people in here might say, I think I'll read that book and actually do it. That's the truth. That's The Absolute Truth. Dr. Bob, noting that there were no 12 steps at the time and that our stories didn't amount to anything to speak of. The stories didnít amount to anything to think of. They didnít have any stories, they didnít have any sobriety. Nobody was sober for 30 years. They didn't have any big book, they had nothing. Dr. Bob told me there were no 12 steps at the time and that are stories didní amount to anything to talk about. So whatís the secret? Later said they were convinced convinced, being convinced we were convinced that the answer to their problems was in the good book not the big book, the good book to some of us older ones these are the older guys with like four years the parts that we found absolutely essential were the sermon on the mount, that's a sermon given by Jesus in Matthew 5, 6 and 7 which when I came in here 30 years ago they handed me the book, Sermon on the Mount to read. Somehow today it's like a dirty word because of no other reason other than a fellowship of crazy people have decided that. Because we're cool. You understand? But I can tell you this, there's a lot of people around that don't necessarily believe that. You wouldn't know who they are because they got long term sobriety. You know, this is like really a giant self-cleaning oven. Every two years the bullshit burns off anyway. To some of us older ones, the parts that we found absolutely essential, essential needs, absolutely essential were the Sermon on the Mount, which is a sermon. You don't have to believe what you believe in Jesus. It's just a sermon, that was their big book. Chapter 13, chapter of the first Corinthians, that's a letter from the Apostle Paul and the book of James. Our fellowship was almost called the James Club. that's what they read when they got there well that's what they did I'm not going to tell you you should do that I'm going to tell you that's what they did when they wrote that book and said really have you seen personal history that's what they did now you can decide in your mind that means you don't have to do that that's fine with me I don't care you can do whatever you want to do but I want to read you something. I want to read you something about 1 Corinthians. Do you remember about, because it's short, I'm not going to go through the Sermon on the Mount. Somehow I'm going to wrap this thing up with this sermon thing, but let me, remember the guy in the glass? The guy, what kind of glass are we talking about? We're talking about what? Like a mirror. A mirror, right? The guy inthe glass, a mirror, a glass. What are we doing here? We are talking What are they talking about when they talked about it before the first step? They said we're deluded, right? We don't see things. We're self-aware and right that we usually don't say it's about delusion. It's about walking through the planet, earning money, procreating, making children, making babies, getting married, getting divorced, hurting people, you know, crashing cars, destroying your life, walking around drunk, sober, doesn't matter in a deluded delusional state where you don't even see what's really going on. And one day you wake up when you're 30 years old or 40 years old, 50 years old having destroyed 50 people around you in your entire life and said, I think I have a drinking problem. And you still don't even see the rest of this stuff. Even though it says in the 12 and 12 unless and until an alcoholic accepts his devastating weakness it doesn't say accept his alcoholism it doesn'T say accepts the fact that he can't drink it says accepts his devastating weakness and all its consequences whatever that is has to do with a lot more than just drinking listen, I sponsor literally A lot of guys. Anybody who's been around for 30 years sponsors a lot of people. And I can tell you, 99.9% of the people I sponsor don't have a drinking problem. None of them have a drink problem. Because I can't help anybody with a drinking problems. If you have a drinks problem, I can help you. You need to drink. I really can't. I've tried to help people with drinking problems, but I can not help them. I tell them, don't drink. I tell him, go to meetings. I say, no, you're not. I tell all that. If they're going to drink, they drink. If they are not going to think, they do not drink. I really am at my best. You know where I am at best helping people? When they stop drinking. I really don't do much for people unless they stop drinking. But after they stop drinking, they're nuts. And you know where I help them? You know whereI help them with everything else? Well, I help them with the real problem. Because now that it's over, we talk about the real stuff. The stuff they haven't seen the drinking in 20, 30, 40 years. They haven't see that. What do you think about the other stuff? They don't see tha for another 20,30 years. Some of us have tried to get rid of our old ideas. The result was nil until we let go absolutely... You think it's like one old idea? Five old ideas? How about $10,000? You really do think that you can charge money on a credit card and spend more money than you make and not go into debt? You really think that the reason you're broke and everything has nothing to do with your spending? You really thinking you could live your life whatever you want to live like and you really think your behavior means that you really don't see what's going on? You really don'T think whatever it is you're doing and really I'm not trying to, the stuff that you're doing whether it's addicted to pornography or gossiping about other people behind their back talking about other people or getting angry you really think it has no effect on your life for people or how you feel about yourself you really believe that you really think your actions the way you are right now has nothing to do with your sobriety it's all about not drinking you honestly believe that you really thing whether you believe in God or you don't believe in god or whether you have faith, has nothing to do with your emotional sobriety. You really believe that? That's not what the big book says. Is that what you would like it to say? Then that's what it says for you. If I speak with the tongue of men and angels but have not love, if I'm a good speaker but I don't love people, I don't love myself, I'm only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. This is the stuff they were reading. If I have to give up prophecy and fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, if I'm smart and if I have faith and I can move mountains but I have not love, I am nothing. it means nothing if I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, I give up everything I do all sorts of good things with people but I have not love I gain nothing I gain Nothing this is what love is, what do you think love is? you think it's getting laid? oh I love her, why? I got laid last night we're in love that's the way it works for me, you get laid will you marry me you know well you're laughing, you don't know what it's like has nothing to do with love has to do with giving. It doesn't have to do with getting. It's all about getting for us. What are you going to give me? I want to get. You want to know what love is? It's patient. Well, I guess we all flunked that deal. Flunked. 90% of marriages go down to its wife because it's not patient. We got to go. We got a way to take this on. Did you know love is patient? You didn't know that, did you? Sure, you're an alcoholic. Did you no love as kind? that's the end of our deal did you know it does not envy did you know that you know how can you say you love and you know anything about love if you're mad at me for whatever reason because I'm up here speaking whatever it is do you know it does not boast do you know it's not proud it's not conceited do you know it's not rude you know it's not self-seeking you know it's not easily angered did you know that you guys ever get angry Did you know love is not easily angered? If you get angry easily, you can tell me all about your sobriety. I just watch what makes you mad, what gets you upset. You know, I say God, Jesus, whatever I say, you get mad at me, tells me everything I need to know about you could have 40 years. Tells me all about who you are and what you really are and what's really going on. Because you know I don't get mad of you. It's not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. You ever do that? You ever start thinking about people and all the wrongs they did Did you know love never does that? Why don't you guys admit it, you have a passive acquaintance At best and probably not with love at all Love does not delight in evil But rejoices in truth You know what they do in AA and around the world They love to see people screw up They love To jump on people Sarah Pound, whoever it is Just love to See people screw Up They rejoice in it He's screwed up You know it always protects It always trusts it always hopes it always perseveres why should I be talking about this today this is a toxic proof, wrong because in Dr. Bob Goodall's the old timers, the guy who wrote this they said this stuff was essential this is what they learned on this is how they cut their teeth on the only reason you don't hear about it in Alcoholics Anonymous is because you're unbelievably seriously deprived in your education and besides that you're also closed minded it's true you know it's true you've been to the meetings where they say you don't want to hear about God and everything love never fails but where there are prophecies they will cease where there are tongues they will be still where there is knowledge it will pass away listen to me so we know in part and we prophesize in part but when perfection comes from perfect disappears when I was a child I talked like a child I thought like a child I reasoned like a child but when I became a man I put childish ways behind them behind me. Now we see a poor reflection in a mirror. Now we see a poor reflection in a mirror. Then we shall see face to face. Now, we know in part. Then I shall know fully even as I am known. We don't see. We don' t understand. We don' discern just like the man in the glass. Just like self-delusion. That's the way the nature of man is. That' s the way the nature of ours is. Only we're probably more serious than most people. We just don't get and then it says at the end the famous stuff, maybe the three faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love it's all about being able to see things because we don't want to see because everything blocks us from seeing so one day I'm at a meeting when I'm 3 or 4 months sober and I told you about this I'll tell you it's worth telling again and some guy introduces himself as a recovered alcoholic and for the first 3 months I was sober all he was talking about was recovering I'm a recovering alcoholic I'm recovering alcohol, there is no cure and this guy gets up and says my name's Joe I'm recovered alcohol, I said what the hell is that all about I've never heard it before who does he think, he thinks he's cured he's lying to these people, he's telling me that I couldn't stop thinking about how he had said he was recovered that's a lie, he is poisoning these people's minds you can't recover from this thing and that whole meeting I'm thinking about how bullshit he is, how wrong he is how somebody has to do something about this or tell somebody, I walk out of the meeting and I tell my sponsor he says how's the meeting that's a pretty good speaker he was full of crap he was telling everybody he was recovered because that's all I heard I heard it clear as bell that's what I could think about I didn't even listen to what else he said and my sponsor said well you are I said no no I'm recovering he pointed me to the forward we have alcoholics in onus 100 men and women who have recovered from a homeless gee I wonder what else he had to say don't you think you do that when you read the big book? Don't you think you do that when listen to speakers? Don�t you think because of resentments and fear and because it doesn�t met within, don�t you think, you block out this and you blockout that and say �Don�t think there are guys back there in the back row?� I am not talking about necessarily you guys. There are guys around saying, �That guy is full of shit. That guy is� And while they are saying that, they are not listening to the word. None of it is coming in. And then 10 years from now, they drink and they can�t get it. They can� t understand why because they never left a message to get in for whatever reason. Don�d you think they were doing the same thing I was doing? Don �t you think that is happening all over the place in this deal? In Alcoholics Anonymous, because it's about discernment. And then later on in the book, what does it say here? It says, you think faith, you know, perhaps here it is, right after the fourth step. It says this, perhaps there is a better way. We think so. We are now on a different basis. We're on a different basis, a different deal. The basis of trusting and relying upon God. You do this fourth step, you're on a different dealer. You're on an different basis The scales fall from your eyes, you see, of trusting and relying. Why? There he is again, because it's all about God. It's not about being smarter or swifter. It's all that we're on a different basis, trusting and reliant upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. You know who he's talking about? He's talking to the people in Alcoholics Anonymous that are working this program. He doesn't say I trust. He says we trust. We trust. Infinite God rather then our finite ourselves. now if you don't believe that then all that means is that's okay you're allowed to be here just means you're not just part of that we just means you're doing it you're just not doing it for what reason I'll tell you why because you don'T want to that's the only reason because you DON'T it's not because you DON't understand the words you can make this if you're an alcoholic you can turn this into anything you want to turn it into make believe it says whatever you want and say it ignore whatever it says it says we trust infinite God rather than our finite selves before that in the first chapter in the second chapter it says we're now on a new basis we're rocking the fourth dimension the one thing we know in our lives is that our creator we're sure of, lives in our heart it's all about him we are in a world to play the role he assigns he assignS just to the extent that we do as we think he would have us and humbly rely on him does he enable us to match calamity with serenity can it be any clearer the only way you could deny what they're saying in here and make believe but isn't saying that is you'd have to change the words in the Greek or something or just blind yourself to him or do what I did when I was mad at the guy and resentful of the guy because he was telling me something I didn't want to hear and block out the rest of his story. What's that about if it isn't about self-delusion? What they say the real problem is selfishness and self-centeredness because we trust our own body because we're so selfish that we think we're such a bad person and we're not so right that we depend upon ourselves that nobody else counts nobody else's opinion counts because they don't understand because they're not as smart as us. us what is that if it's not the opposite of humility we never apologize to anyone for depending upon our creator we can lay up those who think spirituality is the way of weakness paradoxically is the Way of strength the verdict of the ages is that faith means courage all men have faith have courage they trust their God we never apologized for God instead we let him demonstrate through us what he can do we ask him to remove our fear direct our attention to what he would have us be at once we commence to outgrow fear wouldn't you like to do that that'd be a cool thing you know when you say when you worry anybody ever worry about anything you know that's fear you ever anxious about anything you know it's fear you ever can't get to sleep at night because you're worried about something you know how that's peer you know when you're pissed off about somebody you know what that's fair how would you like to outgrow that how would I get rid of that like at once at once it all has to do with relying upon him it all have to be able I would like to see you know you see stuff you understand stuff things get clearer you know when things get clear when the world gets clearer and people gets clearer and you get clearer and your relationship will be clearer, do you want to know something? You don't trip over the furniture. You don' t trip over the furniture of this world. You don''t trip over people. You don ''t trip over places. You don.''t trip over things. You don?'t get yourself in jams. You don'T find yourself calling up attorneys and all that stuff. How did I get myself involved? You don�t get involved in craziness. Your life isn''t a melodrama. You know, you're not a drama queen or a drama king. You don΄t get involved in that stuff It doesn''t happen. The fourth step, how you do it, there's a chart there's a chart you don't really have to I'm not saying I'm going to put it down in Hazleton or go into the internet there is a chart I mean I would say just to help try the big book okay there's the chart you know the fourth step is the fourth and then ultimately the fifth step we'll go to somebody else talk about is the first step and gripping down on those barriers and seeing things differently so that you can build a relationship a better relationship with him and see things clearer so you ought to try it thank you Thank you.