Step 2 — Came to Believe – Free D. – FOTS – 2016

About This Speaker Tape

Dallas traces the friction between his rigid control and the chaos of living with an alcoholic. He maps out the struggle of being 'functionally agnostic'—believing in a Higher Power but feeling it had nothing to do with him. The wreckage is concrete: monitoring the levels of scotch bottles in the house like a forensic accountant of misery, only to blow up and walk out when the math didn't add up.

He contrasts his disciplined, 4 a.m. gym routine with the mental insanity of trying to manage another person's drinking, eventually realizing that his own need for control was the primary source of his wreckage.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Dallas introduces himself as a member of Al-Anon.
• 0:45 Laughter: Dallas discusses ignoring Mary's letter and his confusion over the Big Book's Step Two instructions.
• 1:20 Dallas describes his 'functionally agnostic' conception of a Higher Power.
• 2:00 The lowest point: his ex-wife's hospitalization due to pills and alcohol.
• 2:30 The obsession with monitoring liquor bottle levels in the house.
• 3:00 The blow-up and the decision to move out.
• 3:30 Dallas describes his rigid 4 a.m. gym routine as a form of control.
• 4:00 The contrast between his physical discipline and his mental insanity.