Step 2 — Came to Believe – Free D. – FOTS – 2016

My name is Dallas, and I'm a grateful member of the Fellowship of Al-Anon. And I'm grateful to be here, and I'm grateful to you. Ah, I am grateful to you. Mary sent me a letter, and she told me what to do. And so I didn't pay any attention to that. But there was something in there about reading something from the big book. And this was a step two panel, and I said, well, let me go to the big book and find the instructions for step two. So the first thing I did was I went to how it works. And right after the clause that said, God could and would, if he were sought. The next sentence says, being convinced we were at step three. And I went, what? Where's my instructions? What am I going to tell you folks? How did I get there? What does it mean to me? And I'll start telling a little bit about my story, but I'm not going to waste your time because the stories are similar. Just the details change. When I came into Al-Anon, I was insane. But I was not convinced. I was insane. I'm still somewhat insane, but less. One of the things that had happened to me was that over the years, my conception of God had changed to a point where I was saying, yeah, there's a God out there. And yes, I believe in God. But it doesn't have anything to do with me. God isn't there for me. God's just there. Okay, so I ignored it. I was functionally agnostic. I came in after a time in my life when I was at the lowest point I've ever been. I had, my ex-wife had been in the hospital, near death, critical condition, as a result of pills and alcohol. Primarily the alcohol. And I... I had had an intervention in there. I had brought in some doctors to talk to her. I had talked to her. And we came out and for approximately, I think it was about a month, but I'm not sure, she didn't drink. But I was still crazy. I was still doing all this stuff. I was still watching the level of the liquor bottles in the house. Because I swore I would not throw those away. That was up to her to do. And I one morning walked out and saw that the liquor levels had risen in the scotch bottle. And that's not usual. It's not normal. And I blew up. And I moved out. You know, she said it was none of my business. And I said, damn right, it's none of my business. I'm packing a bag and I left. But I wasn't insane. Now, the previous ten years, I'd been getting up at 4 a.m. Leaving the house by 4.30. Going to the gym. Working out for an hour and a half. Showering at the gym. Shaving. Getting dressed. Going to work. Working until 5, 6, sometimes 7 o'clock at night.