Step 12 — Carrying the Message – Free D. – FOTS – 2016

Hello everybody, my name is Bubba Boyd, I'm from Austin, Texas, I'm a recovered alcoholic. I've been sober since May the 12th, 2008. And I tell you, I'm going to say this, my home group is Round Rock Big Book Step Study in Round Rock, Texas. And we studied the big book, we studied the steps out of the big book, and we have a speaker that speaks for about 12 minutes, and I think I get 12 minutes today, and I can slay some dragons in 12 minutes, don't get it all messed up. And we asked that if you haven't had an experience with the work out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, that you be open-minded enough to listen. And so we're trying to carry on a pure message down there, and I'm grateful for that group, and for the man who started the group, Brian Perkox, who's a panel member with me. But they asked me to come in here today and talk about this 12-step call. Perfect for a guy like me. I'm a trench guy, I'm a firing line guy, I'm a guy that ain't afraid to go in the dark. The darker the nastier, the better it is for me. Because, see, I have an experience in the dark. See, because in the darkness I go, and out of the ashes I rise victorious, because of God's grace. And because, and the book says, and I'm going to read, because I asked you to read out of the book, and I'm trying to follow. It says here, it says, Ministers and doctors are competent, and you can learn much from them if you wish. But it happens that because of your own drinking experience, you are uniquely, I'm uniquely useful to other alcoholics. And so that means that all the stuff that I did in my past, all the trials and tribulations that I put my family through, all of those things that I drag around when I walk. I didn't walk in Alcoholics Anonymous looking this good, I'll tell you, by the way. I black-eyed when I walk in here. All the stuff I drug up in here with me, all those things that I thought that I'd regret for the rest of my life, they make me a mighty warrior when it comes to the 12-step call. And I get to take what, I get to take what I thought was the horrific part of my life, and put it to use so that God can be glorified in the works that I get to do, working with other alcoholics. And I mean, that's fine. That's the power of God. And I love to meet a guy where he's at, and the book tells me that I'm allowed to dwell on the hopeless future of his drinking bouts. And I'm supposed to let him talk about himself. And then when I see an opportunity, I interject a story about me. And then he identifies with a guy like me. He knows I've been where he's been. And then only then can the magic happen. Only then can I draw him with a man that I'm a recovered man, and that I have a solution. But until that... Until that... Until that opportunity's been reached, little or nothing can be done. And I'll tell you what... I've got to get my glasses on. If you truly, if you truly want to experience... Look, I came to Alcoholics Anonymous believing in God. I had a strong belief in God, and it handicapped me until I was allowed to work with another alcoholic. And only then was I able to experience God. So, if you truly want to experience the power of God, you've got to serve God. And so I get up every day and ask myself these two questions. It's a motto that I can live by. And I live by it, especially when I work with alcoholics. I say to myself, in whom do I trust and whom do I serve? And with that, and armed with those facts, and the facts about myself, and the mechanics of the work in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I must thank God for good lineage and good sponsorship. I'm the guy that goes in the trenches. I'm the guy that ain't scared of the dark. And I love to work with alcoholics. I love alcoholics, if I have to say that over and over. But the book gives me some directions about how I can do some of these things. And I know there's probably better sponsors than Bubba Boyd in this room today. And I know that the people go through the work, and they have these profound... But I'm not afraid to do the work with another alcoholic. It don't scare me. It don't scare me to step up to the plate, because I know that I have a purpose. It gives me purpose to work with another alcoholic. But oftentimes, I remember the very first person I ever went to sponsor at a treatment center, or it's a low-bottom treatment center, not one of them ones where people pay money to go to. You know, the trenches. And I remember going in there, and we opened the book, and we went over the cover page. We did the set-aside prayer. We went over the table of context. And all the stuff that I thought didn't make sense to me when my sponsor was having me do all that stuff, it came to life. It came to life. And there was a fire. There was a fire lit in my spirit. It lit me up. I think that God has set God like me on fire so the world can watch me burn. You know? So he can be glorified in the words that I get to go out and do that the alcoholics are suffering. And I... And I remember sitting down with that guy, and we did that, and I left there, and, I mean, it was like... It was a knowing. You know? You know when Bill said, circumstances made him willing, and then he knew. What'd he know? I don't know. You know what he knew. I know what he knew. Can't even put words on it. There's a knowing. There was a knowing that I'd actually served a purpose in somebody else's life other than my own. It was a knowing. It was a deep knowing. And I called my sponsor, and I said, you ain't gonna believe this. And he just laughed. He said, oh, yes, I am, too. Because he knew. He'd had that experience before. The book says it's an experience you must not miss. You will not want to miss it. So don't miss it. If you... I mean... Don't miss it. And my... And the sponsor I have now says, I work with a bunch of guys, and I had this inadequacy deal. I've got... There's a man in this room that I wish I could sponsor like he sponsors. You know? And he's only sober one day less than me. You know? And I wish I could sponsor like that man sponsors, you know, and have this success rate, you know? But he says... It says in the book, there's some things it says in the book. He says, after you work with your new guy, after you go on the 12-step call, and you do your work, go home and read something from 91 to 93, and there's some things in there that says, did you dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady? Did I let him draw his own conclusions? Did I tell him there's little chance he can recover by himself? Did I explain that many are doomed if they never realize their predicament? But I can talk to him about the hopeless feature of alcoholism because I have a solution. And I go down the list, and I get to the next page, and I say to myself, I don't know. Maybe I disturbed him, and maybe I disturbed him about his question on his alcoholism. Maybe it's my job to disturb the alcoholic about his alcoholism. Maybe that's my job. Maybe that's my purpose to disturb him. You know what I mean? If I go in there and bells and whistles, it didn't, you know what I'm saying? It's not going to work. So I go in there, and I lay out the plan of action, and I present it for him. And if he don't want to do it, he should not be pushed or prodded. He shouldn't be pushed or prodded by his friends or his family or his wife. For if he's the fine guy that has to come, he should come from a desire deep down within. And that's my job, to help him find that desire deep down within. And I just want to thank you all for allowing me to be a part of this deal. I'm kind of resentful of Jeff a little bit. Maybe a little bit. I did a 10-step about it. Just sorry. I love Jeff. Because I thought this was like some kind of workshop that we went to like a hotel, and I went in this one little room, and did this panel. I walked in here yesterday, and saw this Coliseum, and I said, oh, hell. So I've been a nervous wreck for about three days. And I ain't been here but two, so there you go. But I do want to say that if you truly want to serve God, if you truly want to have an experience with the power of God, you just ought to try serving him. Thanks for letting me be a part of this fellowship. Thank you. And next, on the topic of sponsorship, we have Jack S. from Littleton, Colorado. Good afternoon, everybody. My name is Jack Schneider. Hello, everyone. I am a grateful member of the Al-Anon Family Groups. My home group is the Wednesday Night Solid Foundation's Al-Anon Family Group, 7.30 p.m. at Cross of Glory Lutheran Church, if you are ever in Denver, please stop on by. We would love to have you there. It is an amazing group filled with solid recovery, and these people, in short, changed my life. So I am truly grateful for the journey that they have walked. I'd like to go ahead and read a passage from Working With Others. Life will take on a new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends, this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. When I got into the rooms about six years ago, I mean, I felt my motto was I got this. You know, I didn't need a sponsor. I didn't need you. I already had a plan. I saw this 12 steps on the wall, and I'm like, all right, I'm going to go ahead and just, you know, knock this out, and then I'm going to have solid recovery. It didn't work that way. But there was, you know, there was groups of men and women who, you know, really had, you know, at the time, I didn't know this at the time, who had what I wanted. You know, they were able to, you know, laugh and smile, and that they were able to kind of go through life, you know, with dignity and grace, and that they were, you know, able to have a smile on their face and really have that, you know, solid recovery that, you know, I wanted. So I got curious, and, you know, I simply asked people, like, you know, what's the secret? What's the catch? You know, what do I do, you know, to make, you know, to get what you have? They mentioned, you know, go to meetings. They mentioned read literature. They mentioned, you know, be of service. And they also said get a sponsor. And to me, I was like, what? Get a sponsor? Not my thing. You know, I'm doing this all on my own. So I got this. Thank you. And that's, to me, you know, it's one of the three deadliest words that I could say in recovery is I got this. Because the minute that I think that, you know, I got this whole thing, you know, figured out, I don't. So it took me a couple months, and I went ahead and, you know, asked someone to be my sponsor. And to me, sponsorship is when recovery began. I'll say that again. Like, you know, recovery did not begin until I got a sponsor. Because otherwise, it was all stewing around in my head, and it was all me trying to figure out, you know, this whole deal going along in, you know, Jack's mind, which, you know, is just one perspective in this sea of recovery. So. I like to think it's the best perspective, but, you know, others may disagree. And that's just it. You know, I have the disease of perception. And when I work with a sponsor, what I love about this passage, it says on a frequent basis, and that is super key for me, is when I work with a sponsor on a frequent basis, I get that extra recovery. I get that new clarity, that new thought. I realize that my life isn't such a, you know, huge panicky mess. And that, you know, the decision that I thought, you know, this grand scheme plan that I, you know, thought that I had it all worked out, and that everything was going to work out great, got demolished. And it's a new way of living, and it's a new power of life that I'm, you know, super grateful for. One thing, you know, one thing I remember is, you know, when I got a sponsor, I was always nervous about, you know, interrupting them, you know, throughout the day. And one thing that my sponsor says today is, you know, let me decide. You know, let me decide when I'll be busy. And to me, that's been a huge burden lifted off me because it's so easy for me to get into my mind to be like, you know what, I'm just going to let stew in my head, you know, for hours and hours, and, you know, I'll eventually come up with a solution. And then, you know, I could also use that, oh, you know, she's doing this, or, you know, oh, it's, you know, this is, you know, not the right time. But that's not up for me to decide. That's up for God to decide. That's up for my higher power to say, you know what, it's time. It's time to reason things out and to get that new perspective. And, you know, just the clarity and the thought that, you know, that I've had with sponsorship has been unbelievable. It's funny, I remember, you know, a couple weeks ago talking to my sponsor about a family vacation, and you could have sworn that I was going through, like, the most massive, hellish, you know, crazy thing on earth. So I called, you know, I called my sponsor, and I said, oh, gosh, you know, I'm going to be with my family for a week in Florida. It's going to be dreadful. I'm just, you know, it's going to suck, you know. I was going through all these things, and, you know, after speaking with it, it's like, you have choices, you know. I mean, you can live in this misery if you want to. Or you could do, you know, X, Y, Z, as, you know, kind of my sponsor laid out. And to me, that's a huge gift. Because, you know, the vanishing of the loneliness really happened. When I started to build, you know, this fellowship around me in Al-Anon, and I am just, you know, so grateful that, you know, with the sponsor I have, that everything is laid out in the big book, and that, you know, these steps and this path to recovery is all laid out, you know, within this original text, that, you know, I get to have that moment of freedom, and I get to have that clarity, and I get to have that outside perspective, because God only knows how many times, I need it on a daily basis. To me, it's, you know, it's a day at a time program. And I love what it says about, you know, life will take on a new meaning. It does. You know, before I walked into the rooms, I really had this kind of, you know, down and out look about life, and that everything was so black and white. I have the alcoholic mind. It's just not the physical cravings. I still have that disease of perception, and that, you know, anguish that I have to, on a day to day. So, you know, reasoning things out with others has been a lifesaver. Because without it, I'd be in, you know, a terrible heap of mess. You know, I'd be making decisions, you know, based out of fear, based out of self, based out of, you know, what other craziness that I can get. You know, the idea of sponsorship, too, also scared me in the beginning. Because I felt like if someone was going to be my sponsor, like, they had to be like a guru, or like, I had to put them on a pedestal, or, you know, in a sense that I even had to, you know, put he or she as a higher power. And to me, you know, my simplest definition, and this is actually one that I heard from my sponsor, is that, you know, recovery is like a theme park. You know, you got all these rides, you got all these attractions. It's this big, vast area. And, you know, I'm a patron of that theme park. And my sponsor gets to be the tour guide. You know, the sponsor has, you know, done these steps, you know, before me. So, she goes and, you know, tells me, you know, what's coming down the road. Because this is her experience. Just like that is the experience that she learned from the sponsor beforehand. So, I get to see what's great is that I feel like, you know, with sponsorship it's a legacy. You know, that these steps that were written out in the original text get passed down. And we get to live these principles one day at a time. And my sponsor is someone that, you know, I look up to. And, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm going to do this. You know, I'm going to do this. And my sponsor has that, you know, has what I want. And has, you know, done the work before me. So, I get to, you know, it's almost like passing the, you know, the end of the torch past. Where I get to go and, you know, do these steps that are laid down before here. It's funny, you know, I don't work a perfect program. And that's okay. And, you know, sponsorship. Sponsorship isn't perfect. But what I love is that, you know, I get to see it every day in a meetings, you know, usually at the close when we circle up. And that, you know, each of us are each, you know, walking this journey together. And that's what I get to do when I work with others. You know, when, you know, I get to be of service and welcome and give comfort to newcomers. And, you know, explain my experience, strength and hope with them. Because, you know, walking into the rooms, I mean, I really felt like, you know, all eyes were on me. And I felt like, you know, I'm not going to do this right. You know, these steps that are written on the wall, like, I don't know how I'm going to do this. I don't know how, no. But I had a plan. And it didn't involve anyone else. And it was a terrible idea. So today, you know, I am grateful. I am grateful to have a sponsor. It is one of the three key things that have helped me into this program is the steps that were written, you know, in the original text. It is, you know, a person who has, you know, walked this path before me and who has what I want. And it's also, you know, putting my life into the care of a higher power. So with that, I am truly grateful for what I've learned here. And I'm still learning in recovery. So thank you. And next up on the topic of service, we have Brian P. from Round Rock, Texas. Really, Tom? I have no idea why they call me that. This is the biggest podium in the world. Like, I'm clear the first 20 rows, there is somebody behind the podium, trust me. Like, I feel like, you know, I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not going to be able to do this. I'm not going to be able to do this. I feel okay, but I feel really tiny right now. So, all right. So greetings. My name is Brian. I'm an alcoholic. And thank you for asking me to speak. It's an honor. I want to, full disclosure, my sobriety date is March 6th of 1993. And my home group is the Round Rock Big Book Step Study. So you got that. I got a sponsor. His name is Mike L. from Indianapolis. He's an amazing man. And so here's a funny story. Just want to, just telling myself here. Jeff had asked me to speak about some of my prison experience. Because me and, a lot of us in this room, well, some of us had some amazing experiences in the prison system up in Maine, which is what we're going to talk about. And I agreed to it. And then I called up, I think I called Tom and said, you know, I think I'm just going to bow out and just go there and be part of. And blah, blah. I don't know what I was thinking. And Tom kind of co-signed it. Thank you, Tom. I appreciate that. He said, you know. And then I called my sponsor, because I am sponsorable. And this is what he said to me. I said, I told him what I was thinking of doing. He said, so let me get this straight. Let me just replay this, because I want to make sure I heard it right. That you agreed to speak at a conference. You were asked, you were going to go to FOTS. And you were asked to speak. You were asked to be of service on a topic that was being of service to others. And you want to say no. And I just heard it. And I go, you know what? Forget I even called. I'll call you next Wednesday. We're all good. I was glad I could be of service. So. I want to tell you, I got sober. Is Camille here? Is she in the room? Camille? So I got sober. Her home group is my sponsor. Well, the guy who took me to the steps is part of her home group. So I wanted to touch base with her. But I got sober in Tucson, Arizona. And I got sponsored by a guy named Ken W., Cowboy Kenny. Some of you know him. Lives in Silverton, Tucson. And he was a man who was active in service. So good sponsorship. He was like a guy who did lots of service work. And. And he walked me through these 12 steps. And the 12 steps says, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics. And I think, in the practice, these principles in all our affairs. But I think that's what Jerry's going to talk about. And so I'm going to talk about carrying this message. The key word is carry. It's not about sharing this message. Like sitting in my home group and waiting for the drunk to come down. But actually getting out and carrying this message. And I have never, I have not, I have always been active. And I don't know why that is. I don't think I'm any special than anybody else. But it's been a passion of mine to go into places and carry the message that was given to me. I was so on fire because I awoken. I mean, I didn't know I was spiritually asleep. So the thing about being spiritually asleep or any physically asleep is you never know you're asleep until you wake up. I mean, that's the truth. All of a sudden you wake up and you're like, holy crap. I was really numb to the world. And when I got this message, I was on fire. And I was living at this halfway. House working and living and working. I worked for this guy named Jason selling neon sculptures. Whole different story. And I worked at this halfway house. And it was a good job. And my first, I guess my first service work, real service, was going into this, they have a juvenile facility. I used to drive by it all the time. And I didn't, I mean, I just spent seven years in prison. I was not interested in going back in. I mean, I fought like heck to get out. And though I did turn a six-year sentence into seven. So maybe I didn't try that hard. But. And this line, so I was in my, I was, I was in my amends. I was about five months sober. And I was in my whiny phase. I was, I was, I finally awoken to the fact that I had pretty much wasted my twenties in prison. You know, like, and it just woke up to, I started making amends to people. And I started really feeling my first step. And I went to Kenny and I said, you know, like, I just wasted seven years of my life. He said, wow. Wow. He said, you know, maybe there's a different way to look at it. He said, maybe, uh, if you think of it like that, it will be a wasted, but maybe there's a different way. He said, what if God was to allow you the power to carry message back into those places and be of service to his kids? Like maybe, maybe it wouldn't mean any, maybe it would mean everything. Maybe that time isn't dead. Now when you're five months sober and you don't want to go back in it, that doesn't make any sense. I'm like, whatever dude, like clearly you're not hearing what I'm saying. And about two weeks later he called to pick me up. He said, he's going to take me to a meeting. And I said, well, where are we going? And he said, well, we're going to the youth detention center. And uh, and I was like a little upset about that, that I was already in the car when he told me. Um, but then we got into the parking lot and we got in the parking lot, we started walking in and he goes, oh, by the way, you're speaking. Now let me tell you what happened that day. I'm five months sober. I'm five months sober. I'm five months sober. I'm just making amends. I'm just starting to wake up to the power of God. And I don't think I have anything to offer these young men and I don't know what I said, but I know what I felt after I went and shared the message of hope. After I shared some real depth and weight of about the power of God and, and I shared my experience. I remember how I felt and I, that's never left me. See this idea to get awakened and then just keep it. And when I moved to Maine, I was a year sober. And, uh, this lady had heard my story. She was the, uh, area corrections chair. They called her the prison lady. And she stalked me for about six months and I knew she was stalking me because everyone said she's trying to get ahold of you, what she, she, and she wasn't hitting on me. I was already married, but I mean, she was, she was just, she had heard my story and she said, she finally got ahold of me. She says, you need to go into the Maine state prison and carry the message like you need to go in there. Now I lived 15 minutes from the Maine state prison. I lived 15 minutes from the minimum security prison. I lived, um, 20 minutes from a detention center. I lived 16 miles from like a, a, a county jail. See what I didn't know is God had put me right where he wanted me. Like he had literally took me from Arizona to Maine. I mean, why would I go to Maine anyway? And then he dropped me right in the middle of where I was going to be most useful. And so let me just read a few things because otherwise Jeff will chide me later. Clinging to the thought that in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have. The key to life and happiness for others with it, you can avert death and misery for them. So let me just tell you what happened. I filled out the form and they denied me. And you know what? Do you want to make an alcoholic really mad is self-righteous alcoholic is then I was mad that they denied me. I didn't even want to go in. So I went on a writing campaign to the department of corrections and about six months later they gave up and let me, and I went into that prison for 15 years until I moved into the Texas for 15 years. I went in it every week, sometimes twice a week. And I'm going to tell you, that's nothing like on me. What happened is she gave me an opportunity. Like God put one of his wars in front of me and she pushed me. I didn't like go through willingly. I did the work and I started like, um, having an experience and I'm going to tell you what happened in there. And, and we, the only place I know of in, in the, in one main state prison, it's a maximum security prison. And I started going in there. And it was their meeting. They have the oldest AA group, almost one of the oldest AA groups in Maine called the ledge group started in 1950 in the prison. They used to sit on the ledge of the quarry. And I started going in there on Sunday. It was their meeting. They ran it and I, I could share, but they didn't want anything else doing it. It was their meeting. And I came out of about three days, three years later, I came out of a meditation and the thought was something more has to happen. I called Tom from North Carolina and he told me, well, maybe you need to go in there and take them into the 12 steps. And then I called some old guy out here in Aurora. And I asked him the same question. He told me the same thing Tom said, and I thought they'd called each other up. It was clear to me when I get an intuitive thought that I got to take action. And I asked Don, I said, well, what do I, how do I do that? And he says, you just ask, you ask for a space, you ask for a time, and then you let them in know that you're willing to take them through the 12 steps. And that became a life changing event for me. And I say me, and it's not about me, but what happened is as a result. Like in feeding others, we feed ourselves. See this power that, that I tapped into must be transformed to others. And I'm going to tell you some stories. I don't know who's timing me because I'm going to tell you how much time I got left. Okay. Three minutes. Okay, good. So here's what happened. I started doing, you know, we started to, I, I, the guy asked, I started doing step and we started doing group steps. I take them to the first three steps and we do a group third step and they'd write inventory at their own pace. I'd come in every week and while they're writing inventory, we get a new group and we go to the first three steps and then they would group prayer and then I'd have different layers of people and I'd go in and start doing fifth steps and it was changing my life and the culture of the AA meeting started to change. And I'm going to have, I'm going to tell you experience. There's two experiences I want to tell you. I'm going to try to get them in two minutes, three minutes. One was there was an amends I owed my brother. My brother. He was 14, him and some of his buddies did something to me sexually that should never happen to a 10 year old boy. And I wrote inventory on that for seven years and I wrote good for car. I mean, I got some truth and it removed a lot of layers, but there was still a disconnect between me and my brother and one day I'm coming out and this is like maybe three or four years into this step group thing we're running on on a Friday mornings and this guy walks up to me who has a crime that I don't like. Okay. We don't even bother about that, but I know it's crime and I don't like it. And he says to me, he says, Hey, can I talk to you? And I said, yeah, what's up? And he says, Hey, I'd like to get in the next group and I want to go to the 12 steps. And I said to him at seven, eight years over, I said to him, I'll have to think about it. And as the words went out, I wanted so bad to grab them. I wanted so bad to grab them. Okay. But I couldn't pull him back because I watched what happened. He walked away. And as I walked out of the prison that day, every door that closed was really loud and hard. And I got out to the parking lot and I started crying and I had never, I hadn't cried that I had, I was so ashamed that God had put one of his kids in front of me and said, Hey, you really want to help my kids help this one? And I had walked, I'd turned my back and I called my sponsor and I said, Hey, I, you know, I don't know what I did. And he said, wow, what are you going to do? I said, I got to go back next Friday and take this guy to the 12 steps. He said, yeah, he says, well, you know what I really like? I said, no, I can't imagine what you really like. He says, I like that you have to wait a whole week before you get to do that because it's like me to run back in and try to fix something. And my meditation that whole week was really heavy. Like, and it was this constant, like, are you really, do you really trust me or do you think I'm strong enough to help you? And I walked that man through the 12 steps. And let me tell you what happened. All the inventory in the world couldn't free this up. And I would pray in the parking lot, please God, help me not judge him. Help me be open. Help me be a clean vessel. Help me be of service to this kid. And I listened to his fifth step. It was the hardest fifth step I'd ever listened to in my entire life. And what I was able to see was no longer just a sick man. I saw a really wounded child of God and how truly lonely he was. It freed me to make the amends to my brother. My time's up. I have so much more to share. But I love this program. I love this conference. Thank you so much for asking me. Thank you. Thank you. And last up, we have Jerry E. from Manhattan, Kansas. Please help me welcome Jerry. And how many minutes is it? Twelve. Twelve. Okay. I'll screw it up. So I don't even know why I asked. You know, when I was sitting over there, and I'll tell you who I am in just a minute. I was sitting over there. I do. Okay. How about this? This guy over here has been doing this to me since I can remember when I first came to Denver in 1987. When I was, when I first found out that I was on this panel with this guy here, you know, I met Brian many, many years ago. He was up in Maine, and I met him up there, and I've heard him speak before, and I just, I'm in awe of him when he talks. And my prayer was, as I was sitting over there, dear God, please let me not have to follow Brian. Thank you. He just absolutely amazes me, and he did so again today. Thank you, Brian. Thank you, too, Bubba. I mean, wouldn't you love to have a name like Bubba? My name's Jerry, and I am an alcoholic. Doesn't that just fall flatter than hell? Yeah. Jesus. And I know we're not supposed to swear. I'm sorry. Anyway, that's my name. I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. My sobriety dates January the 17th. 19 to 19 and 77, and I have a home group, and it's the Crossroads Group. You're going to love this. We meet in Riley, Kansas, and the Crossroads is the crossroads of Main Street and Highway 24 that runs through Riley, and the population of Riley is 750. So if you ever show up there on 630 on a Monday night or a Thursday night and you're looking for us, we're not hard to find. There's only one little church in town. And that's where we meet, and you'll certainly be welcome. Anyway. God, I hate to follow these guys. They are good. And I tell you what. I was listening to a lot of these speakers we've had this weekend, and they speak in Tommy Gunn fashion. And I can't think that fast. Much less speak that fast. So listen. I'm going to mash. I'm going to mash on the gas here and do the very best I can to talk fast because I don't have a lot of time in which to convey some information. But that might be a blessing for you all. I came in here, like I say, in 1977. I did a little teeny tiny inventory when I first arrived and did a little bit of 4th and 5th and 6th and 7th and 8th and 9th step on that. Mostly running around. Mumbling something about, I'm sorry. And which is true. I'm sorry. 13 years later, I show up here in Denver, and I had heard a guy from Denver say, We of Alcoholics Anonymous are over 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we've recovered is the purpose of this book. And I find it very interesting. I've come to understand it's also the purpose of my life. Just that concept. It's the purpose of my life to show people how to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. There is more that I can do by practicing these principles in all my affairs. Like I say, I showed up here. I'd heard this guy. I'd heard this guy say that. And he translated that. He said, you know, Bill Wilson had one way of saying it. Alcoholics have another way of saying it. I'm trying to recover from a mind that doesn't work and a body that won't die. That really says the same thing. And I tell you what, that grabbed me. A mind that won't work and a body that won't die. That's exactly what I'd suffered from until I showed up here. So I show up here in Denver. I don't know what in the hell to do. A guy that I was talking to by the name of Stan here in Denver. I said something to him about this guy. I'd heard him say this and translated. And I said, boy, I wish I could find that guy. And he said, well, maybe you can. A couple of weeks later, this guy Stan said, hey, I got a surprise for you. He took me to this meeting. And I walked in. I had just taken the third step prayer by myself. I knew there was something wrong. I was running all over Denver with people that I see out in this group here still this evening. And I knew they had something that I didn't have. And they had less sobriety than I did. And I knew that. And so I went to this meeting that they took me to. And I saw these same people in there. I thought, well, maybe I need to do what they're doing. I'm a guy that was. I'm going to get to all of them. I'm going to get to our affairs here in just a second. I promise. I'll probably run out of time. I'm working the steps off the wall. And you all have heard this before. It's old. But I'm old. Hey, I'm so old that when I tripped on the steps yesterday, six people jumped up out of their seat to see if they could help me. That's when you know you're old. And I never intended for that to happen. I just wanted to stay sober. And I did. And something happened. And now I'm old. In any event, I was at this meeting. And I finally asked this guy if he'd help me. And he said, yes, he would. And he became my AA friend. He wouldn't be my sponsor. He looked at me and he thought I was too much of a wreck. And he just decided he'd be my friend. My AA friend is what he called himself. And as far as I was concerned, he was my AA sponsor. And what he allowed me to do, I don't care what he thinks he is. I'm going to define the terms here, you know. And what he allowed me to do is he allowed me to get his old, and some of you here know what I'm talking about, his old Plymouth Voyager. And I rode around the little town of Denver. And he would throw off these pearls of wisdom to me. And I realized after about a year or so. I realized after about two or three weeks that that was what was happening. So I started, in my mind, I'd pick up these little pearls of wisdom. I didn't understand them at the time. But I would put them in a little leather pouch. And I thought someday I can pull those out, take a look at them, and maybe I'll understand them. But for now, I'm just going to put them in the little leather pouch. And so that's what I began to do, these imaginary pearls. We rode around town. And one afternoon, he said, we've got to stop by the King's Superstore. I've got to get a vacuum. A vacuum that you can clean the carpets with. And I said, why, what are we going to do that for? He said, well, my wife works a lot of hours. And it troubles her that our carpets are not clean. And he said, so I'm going to shampoo those carpets for her. And we'll try to do that. Well, I'll pick up the shampoo today. Tomorrow when she's at work, we'll clean the carpets. And when she gets home, they'll be done. I thought, wow, men don't do that. But he did. And I went with him, and I watched him do that. See, practice these principles in all our affairs. See, I told you I'd get there. And see, younger people don't think old people can keep a train of thought very long. We get confused, but never lost. Anyway, I rode around with this guy. And then I would go to meetings with him. And we'd go to some meeting. And one of the things that I noticed is when we would be in a meeting and there would be an attractive lady, he didn't have one of his elbows in my ribs saying, hey, check that out. Hey, check that out. He had talked about cleaning carpets for his wife. And that's what he was loyal to, was the lady to whom he was married. And I tell you what. I thought, I knew instantly when I saw that that that was something that I wanted. Later, I met his two daughters. And lo and behold, he treated them marvelously. He didn't treat them like I had treated my children. And I knew once again that I was seeing something that that's what I wanted. Well, I managed to somehow stumble through the steps with this guy. And I'm here. And I'm just having a grand time. And I'm here. And I'm thinking I'm going to spend the rest of my sobriety running around Denver with this guy. And I'm going to really sit at the feet of the master and learn all this stuff. And about a month later, I said to him, you know, I have a sense of something here. And he said, what's that? And I said, well, I have a sense that you're going to kick me out of the nest. He said, well, hell yes, I am. You're not going to get to stay here. Within a month of that time, I was back in Wichita, Kansas. And a year and a half later, I was in Massachusetts and Rhode Island. And in that process of getting to Massachusetts and Rhode Island, I called him because I had a job offer to go back out there and go to work for some people that I had worked for before. And I called him. I said, what do you think I ought to do? And he says, well, you know, you said when you started this deal that you had a new employer. How about that? I said, well, okay. He's always throwing this stuff up. He said, you had a new employer. I said, okay. Well, he said, it sounds like to me that you had a new employer. And he said, well, it sounds like to me that you have only two minutes left. Where was I going with that? He said, you're getting called to go do some missionary work. Now, I was born and raised in a religious environment, and I can't stand missionaries. They're always trying to get in your face with something called religion. And so he says, I'm going to go do missionary work. And I said, I don't think so. And he said, yeah, you are. I said, well, I don't think so. Well, I ended up out here in Massachusetts, and about a year and a half before I could get anyone interested in going through the big book, I really had an interesting experience. Nobody wanted to do this. But after a year and a half, nine guys ended up in my living room, and they said, let's go through the big book. You keep talking about being hand-carried through the steps. Would you hand-carry us through the steps? Somebody had seen something in my affairs that they liked. Or at least were willing to try to have themselves. And I said, okay. So we met in the living room of our house, and my wife, Gail, learned to absolutely love and adore alcoholics. And we met there every Monday night. We ate for an hour, and then we had the big book for an hour. We did that, and we did that. I stretched those guys out as long as I could. I made them wait nine months to get through the big book. Because they were a lifeline for me. But in that process, I had a chance to practice these principles in all my affairs. Because you know what? I remember going back to the time when I first met somebody who was living the spiritual way of life. And I watched the way he practiced these principles in all his affairs. And I knew, I just knew that that's what I wanted to be, and that's what I wanted to do. Five years went by. And I knew. And I was up here, and I had a young lady from New York. She said she wanted to come to our house, and time's up. And I'm not going to get to talk anymore. A great young lady who happened to be quite attractive wanted to come to my house and go through the big book. And I said, wait a minute. I've got to check with my wife. And her name's Gail, by the way. If I get a chance to go up and say hello to her, please do so. You'll be touched more than you'll be touched by anything that I do. So she said, her name, by the way, was Kate. Different Kate. But anyway, Gail said, if that's what she wants to do, we're going to let her. So we invited Kate to come to our house. And so Kate came to our house, and we were going through the steps. And on Saturday, she had had about all she could handle for a little while. So we took a little break. And I said, listen, I've got to go run some errands. So we jumped in the car and went and ran errands. We went to different hardware stores and two or three stores there around the area where we lived. And we came back, and she took a little nap. And then we got up, and then she spent some more time. We finally got her through the book. But in the process of her being there, she talked to my wife. And she says, you know something? Jerry really does practice these principles in all his affairs. She talked about what she got to observe. And watching the interactions that I had with clerks and people in stores and what have you. And isn't that what we do? We do get a chance to. And don't get me wrong. Listen, I am an alcoholic. And I fall way short, way short of what I'd like to do and what I'd like to be. And I share that with my home group. And my home group just loves to talk about Uncle Jerry's shortcomings. And they do all the time. You guys are great. And I can't thank you enough for letting me have this time with you. It's a privilege. You don't mean it as an honor. So I'm not going to see it that way. But I do see it as a great privilege. And I thank you very much. Jeff, thank you. Okay, guys. Because we had an extra panelist, the tail end of this is going to be a little bit shorter. But I'd now like to open up the floor for comments. Three minutes. Our timer is right here. Thank you. I'm J.C. and I'm a member of Al-Anon. Many of you that have been here before know exactly what's coming now. I'm not talking to the Al-Anons right now. I'm talking to the AA members. You guys are going to go back. You men and women are going to go back to your homes. And you're going to be working with new people. When you do, you know some Al-Anons. You know me. You know the people that have been up here at this table. And the people that have introduced them. And I hope you know some Al-Anons in your own home group. If you don't, get to know them. And try to get us involved. Try to get us connected with the people, with the families. So that we can offer them the opportunity to recover. In the Al-Anon program. And I'll add one little thing to that. I've been doing this for a bunch of years. And I get more 12-step opportunities from my AA friends than I do from any other source. And I thank you for that. My name is Matthew. I'm an alcoholic. Thank you, panel. My home group was the Fourth Dimension group of Heroin Anonymous in Warren, Ohio. We found that if you put a bunch of us junkies in a room and give us a big book and do the work, it works just the same. And they're dying by the fistful. And they're also living by the fistful out there now. But I say was because I just moved to South Dakota like a week ago. So here I am. But I'm the guy who totes, well, pushes Shelly around. And I wanted to share why I do that real quick. Well, she kind of pulls me around, I think. Sometimes. If you ever hold onto that wheelchair, you will learn that. But the reason I do that is because she carried the message to me. And that's the topic. And I was at Founders Day two years ago. I was at Founders Day. Founders Day two years ago. I had had a major awakening as a result of one through, you know, making some amends and happy. And she busted me. And because I was a burglar. I liked to rob stores. Well, I didn't like. I guess I did. I don't know. I did it a lot. And. But I lived in Patterson, New Jersey for a while. And I lived in this particular neighborhood. And I lived in this particular block. And I would just wander around. And they eventually kicked me out of there. But I would just steal from every store I could find. And I wasn't going to make those amends. And she busted me. And I don't know whose idea it was. But in November, later that year, her, my sponsor, and my sponsor's wife and me went to see her. And my sponsor's wife and me went to New Jersey. She flew out there. Met us there. And they drove me around. We got on the Google Maps. And we went to every store that I robbed. We went to the street corners that I was convinced I was going to die on. And I got to make amends to those people. If you want to hear details, I definitely don't have time right now. But I got details. And so we can talk about that later if you want. But. She carried that message to me to do that. And, you know, I was terrified. Why would you do that? One of the guys that I made amends to, he goes, why do you do this? There were all these Syrians in this place, you know. And I'm like, why do you do this? But, you know, she taught me that. And, you know, she taught me to ask myself the question, which is, are you willing to fly across the country? And meet somebody? And take them all the places that they're terrified to go? To help them get free? And I asked myself, thank you. I asked myself that today. And I just moved to South Dakota. I'm living in a Jesuit community. I'm teaching at a school for Oglala Lakota children. And I have no idea what I can offer them. But I want to be of service if I can. And the last thing that I wanted to say is that I've never met Don P. Or Joe Hawk. Or any of these people I hear about here. But whatever you guys are doing, I can't believe I'm here. I never thought I'd see the Rocky Mountains. And I thought I was going to die on the East Coast. And I'm here. And because of somebody like Shelly, and because of the people who you all know and who taught me some bum a thousand miles away got free. So keep doing what you're doing. I love you very, very, very much. Peace. I'm an alcoholic. My name is George Ashby. Thank you, guys. I was trying to run out of here because that guy, he wrecked me, this whole panel. This is my first time here at FOTS. And I want to thank all of you for that, first of all. Five years ago last night, North Carolina, a guy, I was in such a bad place that my wife was announced at the North Carolina State Conference. And she was going to be the Al-Anon speaker. And I couldn't even lift my head up. And I kept saying, if I could just get back home now. And they announced a speaker that night and said, Mike M. from Cedar Rapids. And that guy took me through the steps through that conference whenever he was. Through that conference whenever he wasn't talking, having to do something. I wish I could tell you that's my sobriety day, but it's not. And then my, he heard my wife speak the next day and he says, if you think you're an idiot now, then the whole state of North Carolina knows. And I have a love for Al-Anon because they saved my life because she was a good enough woman that she let me go so I could go find my way. And in order for her to let me go, God had to put that other person in my way to take me. I've been wanting to go. I also got rejected at the jails and I cussed them out. Not to your face, but after I got outside. But by the time I was 14, I'd broken every 10 commandments there is. By the time I was 14 and I kept living with that stuff. And you said it today and I've heard it before, uniquely used. I'm not ashamed of that stuff anymore. Now I get to go, I get a chance to go in the most prejudiced city in Iowa and go to their jails and talk. That's going to be something. But I wanted to just say thank you. See, I want to go where my sponsor goes. He's not my guy, but I want to see. And he's talking this stuff and he's a guy that I'd met that I'd never met before like that. And now I see. I come up here and you guys, somebody hollered out George A. I didn't answer because, you know, I haven't made all those amends yet. But if I had missed this, and if he had shown up, I don't know where I'd have been. But I just want to say thank you. I just want to say thank you to all of you. And I love you. Hi, everybody. I'm Carrie Ann, recovered alcoholic. And my sobriety date is February 25, 1991. And I'm so grateful to be here. This is my first FOTS and I'm loving it. It's awesome. I got sober in D.C. But I live in Carbondale now. I've been in Colorado for several years. And in D.C. we did lots of 12-step calls. And I was taken to detox centers and hospitals in my first 30, 90, 6 months quite often. And it was very scary and very effective. And things are a little bit different up in my mountain town. And that's great because there's so many awesome and amazing people that are there, too. But the reason I bring it up is last year. I had the privilege of going to the international conference in Atlanta. And I was sitting around talking to real old-timers that had 50 years and 40 and 50 years. And I was particularly talking to this one guy named Austin from Ireland who would hitchhike 100 miles to go to a meeting when he was first sober. So going to any lengths. And we were talking. And currently there's something like 1.5 million people in Alcoholics Anonymous. But 10 years ago there was 2 million. So where's everybody going? What's happening? 500,000 people gone. And they were talking that we were talking about it and discussing it. And we think it's because detox centers and treatment centers are doing our work for us. And there's nothing like a face-to-face 12-step call. And I'm preaching to the choir here. But like, yay, 12-step calls. Let's get out and do them. There's more work to be done. There's people that are going to die today because of this disease. There's probably people that we know that have we've experienced that we've touched their lives or we've seen them around that might die today because of this disease. Our work is not done. Our work is not done. And when I got sober, there was no cell phones or Facebook. I hate to admit that. It kind of ages me. But it's true. All the work that I had to do, I either had to call my sponsor or meet her face-to-face. And there's something to be said for that. If you've got so many sponsees that you can only interact with them via the device, maybe you have too many. Maybe you need. I don't know what the solution is. But I know that what has worked and what brought us to 2 million was that face-to-face contact with another alcoholic. And I can just say that for me, there's been not only is it the bright spot of my life that I've been able to work with so many women over the years, but I feel like it's my purpose. And we have the great gift of being in this room and getting to experience this. Let's share it freely. I love you all. Thanks. I'm Jolene, and I'm a Grateful Recovering Alcoholic and Drug Addict. And to follow on hers, yes, there are people still dying of alcoholism. I work in a hospital and I see the worst of the worst. I see bloated livers. I see detox. I see delusions. I see people, you know, being gay. I see it. we put them down in four-point restraints, and this is an acute hospital. So if you're looking to do service or 12-step work, talk to your sponsor, read the chapter on chapter 12 or the big step. I mean, you know what I'm saying. Anyway, so, and talk to God. Do your 11th step and see if maybe this is something that he wants you to do, because there are so many dying alcoholics out there. Yes, there's the fortunate ones that live. Yes, there are the treatment centers, and yes, there are the detox centers, and yes, there are the prisons, but the hospitals really need recovering alcoholics to go into them, and I'm not sure the process, if you have to fill out a form or what you have to do, but there are case managers, there are spiritual people that work in the hospital, and I think that's where you would have to go. I think that's where you would have to begin, but let me tell you, I just have one more thing to tell you. Let me tell you about, I saw this scenario in the hospital. It was a woman, and she had a liver out to here, and she had been dying for a week from alcoholism, and the day she died, her brother came, and he sat outside her room on a chair and prayed the rosary for her. People die of alcoholism every day, and we as alcoholics, we have to take that so serious, and when we have our meetings, and we say we want to pray for the recovering alcoholic, we really need to do it in those few minutes. Thank you. Thanks to my Colorado family for letting me serve. I'm humbled by that. By group conscience, the Fellowship of the Spirit conference does not close each meeting with the Lord's prayer. Instead, we encourage that the entire conference be a place of prayer. Let us be treated with an attitude of continuous prayer. We will then say the Lord's prayer together at the close of the conference on Sunday. Please help me close this meeting by joining hands for a moment of silence.