Step 12 and the 21-Day Crash Program – Gene D.

I guess we all know who we are. Now an assumption is taken at this facility when people arrive here seeking help that these people not only want to get sober, that they want to stay sober. In those cases where people arrive at this facility sober, the assumption is made that they want to stay sober. We can see of no other reason for any person to visit or spend time at a facility such as this. I'd have to be quite honest with you in making statement that if you do not seek permanent sobriety, you're not only wasting your own time by being at this facility, you're wasting the time of other people. So with this assumption that you are seeking permanent sobriety at this facility we try in the period of time that people are here to expose them to as much of the basic information that is contained in the most successful program of recovery known from the disease of alcoholism as of today this facility does not represent the program of alcoholics anonymous this facility is not allied with the program about the holics anonymous as a matter of fact as defined in the the book Alcoholics Anonymous, AA is not allied with any outside organization, program, or institution. But because of the nature of our vocation here, so-called alcoholic rehabilitation, we feel it a rather grave responsibility to then expose the people who seek recovery to what is the most successful form of recovery. And that's why in this facility, during our regular winter schedule, of course, it slackens off a little bit in the summer because of the outdoor activities. That is why during my guest stay in this society, they are exposed to 21 different types types of AA interpretations, different types of AAA meetings, and I guess if I was to use a slang expression, sort of a crash program on Alcoholics Anonymous. Not that in the 21-day cycle that this program encompasses, they will know everything about AA. I have been around the program of Alcoholics Anonymous for 26 years, and I continue to learn more about AA and more about a way of life based on the foundation of sobriety that AA has given me. So you will never, and i will never learn all there is to know. But in those 21 days that compose our therapy cycle here, we try to give you the main, if that's the word, the main concepts, the main understandings that will be beneficial to you if and when you do seek other help in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous when you leave here. Now, I would like to read to you today as I do at many, many meetings, the very first words that were ever written by the founding members of this program. I'd like to take a moment to explain a little bit about what brought about these writings. AA was founded 40 years ago. Two weeks ago, we celebrated, as many of you know, our 40th anniversary in Denver, Colorado, where from all over the world, thousands and thousands of recovered alcoholics assembled in a spirit of love and gratitude and fellowship. Forty years ago, it wasn't like that. There weren't 20, 22, 25,000 recovered alcoholics roaming around the world, some enjoying as much as 30 years of sobriety, 35 years of sobiety, 40 years of sobriety. It was, as is in anything, it was a beginning. One hundred men and women, not to be a chauvinist pig or anything like that, but there just wasn't that many women either. As a matter of fact, as it's stated in this book, it were four years, AA was four years old before any woman achieved any degree of sobriety. So in the beginning it was composed mostly of men with those women who were periodically staying sober. Now after a two-year attempt at trying to stay sober without the benefit of any formal programs such as we have now, without the benefit of any books as we have now without the benefits of any of the pamphlets or AA literature that we have now. Without benefit of 12 suggested steps of recovery, without benefit of the guidelines contained in 12 provisions of our program, still smothered with the stigma of the word alcoholic, many of these original people stayed sober. And at the end of that two-year period they saw fit after much arguing amongst themselves, many personality clashes, many indifferences and differences, they decided to put down into writing what little wisdom they had gained amidst themselves during that prior two years. This book or these writings came to be known as the book Alcoholics Anonymous which is referred to sort of oh I don't don't know how, but it's referred to as the big book in most AA groups. It's not referred that way to be facetious or funny, it's just a term that was picked up. In other words, it is a Bible. The big book or the book Alcoholics Anonymous is not a novel although it contains stories, true factual authenticated stories of the drinking careers of the original members of this program, and it also contains chapters full of knowledge and wisdom. The book is referred to as a text not as a novel, and the clear difference between texts and novels is is that novels are something that you read once, possibly twice, and then either pass it on or put it up on a shelf or forget all about it. Perfectly content with the enjoyment, the pleasure that you have received out of reading that novel. Now text fall into a different category altogether. The definition of the text, The definition of the word text, as outlined in the dictionary, says a text is a continuous source of learning. And that's why in our educational facilities, our schools, and in any avenues of learning, we have what we call textbooks. Continuous sources of learnings. And that's what this book is. Not to be confused because of the stories with the word novel. This is a text, a continuous source of learning. Now, the knowledge that's contained in this book was all gathered firsthand. And it was gathered by people quite similar to you. As a matter of fact, if we had the power, I guess, to turn the clock back 38 years right now and add a few more people into this room today, it would be quite possible that this is a representative group of the kind of people who wrote this book. People who were seeking sobriety, people who some had found sobrietry, people who, some, were struggling to find sobriery, they wrote this books. So if that clock could be turned back, it would be people just like you. It would be you, 38 years back, writing this book, which was going to become the basis of our entire program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And here are the very, very first words that these people must have thought so important that they be first. and when they wrote them they had no idea of commercial gain or personal gain because they were anonymous there was no fame involved they had nothing to gain by writing this book which leads me to believe that it could only have been written in the spirit of gratefulness and in the spirit of love to be passed on to you and I who were to come along later in life and perhaps we too would seek this same sobriety. And these early people thought that it might be a little bit easier for you and i as they told us of their own experiences of the things that they had done wrong and the things that they have done right so as to sort of clear the path up just a little bit more and perhaps it wouldn't have been as difficult for you and I as it had been for some of them and the very first words they wrote in the foreword to the first edition of this book tell you what it's all about they say we of Alcoholics Anonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body to show other alcoholics precisely How we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope that these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We think that this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. For many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person, and besides we are sure that our way of life has its advantages for all. And that's what AA, the book Alcoholics Anonymous is all about. The account, the account of the experiences of those people just like you who 38 years ago sought just like you, which we assume to establish a way of life based on the foundation of sobriety. And again I emphasize the assumption. I only assume that this is what you want. If you are here and only want to stay sober a little while and then drink again, there's a whole chapter in this book about you. If you think you are going to be able to drink moderately, there is a whole chapter in the book all about you if you think the whole world is screwed up and the world is against you there's the whole chapter in this book about you. If you think that you are different, there's a whole chapter in this Book about you! All of the knowledge and all of the wisdom is in this Books if you seek that knowledge. Now at most AA meetings, a portion from this book has been always chosen to be read. The portion that I refer to is called Chapter 5, How It Works. It was even deemed important by some powers to be to have that portion of the book printed separately on separate sheets and be distributed amongst a group throughout the world to be read at the opening of most AA meetings. I don't really think that the people who were responsible for those actions meant to try to tell us that there are certain parts of the book that are more important than the others or that certain chapters of the books are more important than others I can only figure out that the reason that they selected to read chapter 5 rather than chapter 8 or 7 or 4 or 2 or 1 was that title of the chapter how it works and it's in this portion that they read that contained the twelve suggested steps of recovery. I guess that's why they wanted that read at most AA meetings, but because AA groups are autonomous and govern themselves and select and choose for themselves we have the right to vary format. There's no set rule that says we have to read Chapter 5. Some groups read just from page 86 of the book, Alcoholics or Not. Other groups tend to read a portion from Chapter 3. Some just read the steps. Some don't even read any portion of the book. It's entirely up to the book or to the group. Now, this chapter which says how it works is rather simple and clear and plain. The three words that headline the opening of the chapter say how it works. It doesn't have in parentheses how it worked in Chicago or how it works for rich people or how to work for construction workers, how it worked for women. No. How? How it worked. How it had worked for those original 100 men and women, just like you. Just like you." I would not criticize everyone in AA, and I surely include myself in any critical part, I don't really know how many times I have heard this chapter read. I think it's 26 years, a couple of hundred meetings a year at least, multiplied 200 by 26, whatever that comes out to, that's how many times I guess I've supposedly heard this chapter read. But you know, I'm just like you. At most AA meetings when they're reading the fifth chapter I'm generally scratching my ass, figuring up my overtime, going to the coffee counter or looking around and see if there's any new chicks in the group. I've got my mind usually on 50,000 other things because of some jerk has been called up there to read the fifth chapter of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. I used to think it was sort of a little ego trip. I can remember when I was a kid in grade school, you know, the big deal in grade school for me, I don't know if they do it anymore in schools or if they even did it in your schools, but in New York City, every morning when our classroom would be assembled the first thing we would do, they used to have a little American flag you used to hang out from the corner of the blackboard, you know. And each morning the teacher would select somebody to lead the class in the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag. If you was a good boy, you got selected. And if you needed a little help with your ego, you Got Selected. And I never used to get selected, you now. I don't know whether the teacher was pissed off at me or figured I couldn't recite it or I looked like a communist or what the hell it was, but I guess in the eight years in elementary school I probably got asked twice and one of those times I think I was the only one in the class because there was a flu epidemic. And in AA when they used to say so-and-so is going to read the fifth chapter I sort of related back to the grade school of the American flag so I never paid too much attention. Now, what wasn't I paying attention to? I was not paying attention to exactly what my peers, people just like me 40 years ago, had prescribed as how to work a program that would keep me sober. That's what I wasn't listening to. The most important element that had brought me to AA, a desire to stop drinking. And I wasn't listening to what I guess, according to his title, is very, very important. And that still goes on. That still goes out. I go to a little group on the side and we kid around a lot of times and we catch some guy dreaming of something during the fifth chapter, you know? As soon as we're all through with us, did you like that part in the third chapter? He said, yeah, it was great. Don't even know what goddamn chapter we read, you know? Another time I've seen some people call right after the guy got finished reading the fifth chapter. He'd go back and sit down in his chair. Then a chairman would catch some guy dozing off or screwing around. And he'd say, Joe, would you come up and read the fifth character for us? And the guy would get right up and walk up there because he didn't even though it had already been read, you know. It's sort of a masochist way of doing things, but that's the kind of groups that I hang out in anyhow. I got criticized the other night for hollering at somebody down at St. Helena for not identifying themselves as an alcoholic, but where I come from, that's what it's done. As a matter of fact, those of you who are at Denver, recall at one of our meetings that guy from Chicago that got up from the Logan Square group. I know that group very well. Hard-nosed as hell, hard-nose as hell. Their motto is if you've tried every other group and they're still drinking, give us a crack at you. And, man, they do. They don't pull no punches around there. And if you just start talking there without identifying yourself as an alcoholic or whatever, they all holler out, What'd you say your name was? Try to embarrass the living hell out of you. So you're quick to learn to identify yourself. So today I thought I'd take with your permission just a little time about this fifth chapter and try to explain or give you my opinions as to exactly what's being said. But we ask somebody to come up from the audience and say, would you read chapter five today? They generally chit-chat right up to the podium and then they say, chapter five, how it works. Very first sentence is all important if you can accept it in truth. Very first sentence, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Now the late Bill Wilson, the co-founder of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, said ten years ago in Toronto, Canada at the convention, he said if there was ever to be word changed in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, it's in that sentence. There is a word that could be changed according to Bill Wilson. Instead of saying rarely have we seen a person fail, we can proudly boast that we have never seen a a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Thoroughly followed our past. All we're saying in that sentence is, here I am. I'm sober now. And one day I was as ridiculous as my friend sitting here in the front. I was just sick as my friends sitting here the front. I sat out on a porch the other night listening to him recount his experiences in the hospital. I could have cried for him, but I laughed because it was funny. I knew full well what he meant. It was nice that we could laugh now about it, but it wasn't funny when he was experiencing those things in the hospital. I assume that he wants what I've got, you know. He doesn't want my car. He does not want my house, my woman, my dog, my food or anything like that. The thing he wants, I assume, is the sobriety that I've got. So I can say to him, I can say, Moe, if you want what I've got and you could have followed me and done what I have done during the past 20 years, you would have what I got, because I have stayed sober. I have not found it necessary to take a drink. I haven't been in jail. I hasn't been in hospitals. I hadn't had to experience the hallucinations, the DTs, the convulsions, the seizures and all of that other crap that goes with the life of a practicing alcoholic. So it's quite true when Bill says, never, never have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Edwin, we welcome you into AA. That's all we're saying. We're saying, come with me, you know. Come with me and share this thing that I have found, that I have been given, that I have had passed on to me. Then we start getting into the chapter a little bit further where the second line says those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. In other words, if Moe was to come along with me and say, yeah I'm gonna follow your path six days a week, seventh day I gotta go someplace. Right away. Not thorough. He's removing the thoroughness from this quest for sobriety. He's beginning to do exactly as it says, who will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Now what qualifies us to make a statement that this is a simple program when countless thousands of us have really tried and exerted every effort and every energy long before this, trying to get sober. Even some of us who sit in this room right now, who, in my opinion, are genuinely sincere about not wanting to drink again, yet they return to drinking. And then I have the audacity to stand up here and read a word like simple program? You would have all the right in the world to be throwing words through your head right now If it's so goddamn simple, why can't I get it? Why can't i get it?" And the answer to that is simple. Thoroughness! Thorough-ness! Thoroughnes! Thorougnes! Repetition, repetition, repetition. You don't think repetition is a vital energy source. Only think back of what Adolf Hitler almost done with repetition. Within four years of convincing people over and over again that they were the one and true superior race, they eventually came to believe him. They believed him.They believed that they was superior. As we go on in the book into the chapter it says that these people who cannot give themselves to this are are usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves, with themselves. I guess the toughest form of honesty in the world is exposing yourself to yourself for really what in the hell you are. The thing that substantiates that is the fear that many of us carry within us that we will be exposed to other people for what we really are. When I approached that part of the chapter, I had to stop to think how I overcame that because I was full of fear. And the last person I wanted to know everything about was me. That was the last guy I wanted to know anything about because I knew there was a lot of me that I didn't like. There was a Lot of Me that was wrong. There was A Lot of me that was rotten. So when I came to that part and I looked it over again and capable of being honest with themselves. It was simple! And that's why they say it was simple. I had to develop within my mind, which was simple in itself, an attitude of, I don't give a shit what other people think about me or what other People want me to do or what other people expect me to do. Somewhere in this book it says that we have a God-given right to live. It doesn't say we have an answer. We have a Lord-giver given right to live according to the way Reed wants me to live or Moe wants meto live. Don wants metolive. No, no. It says, you, you have a God-given right. So the fear was removed very easily for me. I entered into that state of honesty by saying, well, Duff, this is what you are. You're a liar. If you want to do something about that, stop lying. Duff? You cheated cards when you get the chance. Now, you can continue to cheat at cards, but if you don't want to, you can do something about that. I listed all of these things that I didn't like about me, that I did not like about me. And I listed them honestly because I was quite sure that nobody else was going to see them. And I was prepared to burn them up just as soon as I got finished with them so nobody else would find them. But you know, a startling thing happened. I got halfway through this garbage and I wanted to tell other people about what a son of a bitch I had been and then another startling thing happened I felt damn good about telling other people what a Son of a Bitch I was and a real startling thing developed when they started telling me back how rotten they were and then this kept me comfortable that fifth chapter goes on it says there are such unfortunate people like that but it gives them an out it says but they are not at fault these people who can't be honest with themselves they are naturally now what that really means I don't know Naturally. You mean it can't be improved or it can'T be made to be turned around? It says they are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. I guess that means people are so ashamed of themselves that they want to play the phony role. And, of course, in order to play the phony role, you have to be dishonest. You have to быть dishonest because honesty would cause me to have to beat what I really was. And I guess if you are some of those people that says there are such unfortunates who just never can express a desire to be their real person, it was interesting here not too long ago and a lot of people don't like what they are and not only in the field of alcoholism some of you were even here that night on the porch when I said that I had a black man here a black police officer from San Francisco who sat out on the port here one spring evening we're all sitting out there as we do at night telling dirty jokes and laughing and kidding around and doing the things we do, Barbie doll and all of that crap. And this black man who had been here for two days was sitting off by himself and he wasn't saying anything. And I don't know if it was me or somebody else, but somebody said to him, what's the matter, Bill? You know, why don't you join in with us? Well, I know it was mean now because he said to me, He said, stuff is different. He said I feel wrong here. I feel wrong here and I said well we're all alcoholics you know we're not all in this thing together. He says we're not all black and I said you gotta be kidding and I says that what got you sort of shook up because you're black and he said yeah. We had another cop who had just come in that day who many of you know Lynn and Lenny was a funny guy and he's full of wisdom and wit especially when he's drunk and they had just poured him in from Hawaii Bob he had gotten off the plane from Hawaii with aloes and flowers and all of that shit and short pads and them garish shirts you know and he heard this cop say that he heard this cop say because I'm black and all of a sudden Lenny said, here, put my shirt on. He said, then you can tell everybody you're a Hawaiian. And Jesus, that hit that black guy and it brought him right down to earth, you know? What he was really saying was that he was ashamed of being black. By the time he left here, he was very proud that he was black for he found out that color, race or creed It has no room in a program such as this, where we all desperately need each other. And telling about that people, it says that their chances of recovery are less than average, and that's true. People who continually to be phony, in most cases, continue to stay drunk. It also says in this book that, unfortunately, there are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders. But they do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Well, sometimes in a severe advanced stage of mental illness or emotional disorders, we lose our capacity to be honest only because due to the physical illness, the mental illness, or what have you, the capacity to being honest is no longer there. and these people who might express a desire to drink actually in most cases think they're staying sober and yet they're drinking I've had people working for me here not too long ago that actually thought they were sober for two or three years and hell, they were drinking every other month but they had suffered grave mental disorders which let them forget very easily that they had been drinking only two weeks ago or a month ago. The second paragraph, of course, unless you think I'm going to read this whole chapter, relax. I'm not going to do that. It's only that thick. We'll do half of it. It says that our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. And that's what it says in them very first words that were written. The accounts, the accounts of our experiences. That's all we've got. This isn't a program where we offer our opinions on whether or not you should change religions in order to stay sober. We don't give you advice as to whether you should get divorced or married or stay single or live together without wedlock. We don'T give you none of that crap. All we can give you is the account of our experiences, what has happened to us. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed a path. So we're going to tell you what was on our path. And that's all that we can tell you. Then it lays it all right back on you, this fifth chapter. Probably the key sentence in the fifth chapter for those who are new and those who approach the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And sometimes I wish they had this sentence first because they got it so far down in the sixth chapter that by now the speaker, the guy that's been reading the fifth chapters has been reading for about four minutes and just when he's going to say this you decide to get up and go get a drink of water. Now, if you have decided that your decision, not mine, not your boss's, not your wife's, your husband's, or your kid's. If you have decided that you want what we have and remember we're only talking about the sobriety. I'll never forget one time I've seen a guy when I first came to AA, Jesus Christ He looked like hell. They told me he had cancer, and he had an ear missing, and dirty old clothes on. He'd been sober 95 years, I guess. And he says, if you want what I've got... And I looked up at him, and I said, I'd have to be crazy, you know? I want one ear. I want cancer. I want to look like a bum. That isn't what we're talking about. We're talking About that sobriety, that sobrietty. you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it now the decision has to be being made now the process should be taking place now you've decided then you are ready to take certain steps In other words, they mean then you are ready to be given the rule book and we're going to show you how the game is played according to the rules. We're going to show the things that we have to do in order to get what we assume you want. then we come back into the picture, just so you don't get scared and run off. We say, wait a minute now. At some of these lengths, we also balked. You know, that's a hell of a thing to say to a guy. Are you willing to go at any length? You don't even know what I'm going to say. I balk too. I'd want to know what in the hell you're talking about first. It says that some of these we bought because we thought we could find an easier, softer way. God, there's got to be something better than going to AA meetings. Got to be better than having to read that kind of a book. Got to be something better than identifying myself as one of those alcoholics. But we could not find a softer, easier way. We could not that's them 100 people again, which leads me to believe that some Some of them had gone out and tried to find some softer, easier ways. And they're telling you now, but they couldn't find them. So don't waste your time looking for them. They're not there except their truths and their wisdoms. Now we're back on us again, and we're trying to love you in the next sentence. Or in the next sentences we say, with all of the earnestness at our command, we beg you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Don't postpone this. Tomorrow might be too late. there's a lot of people that are going to die tonight that are planning on doing something about their drinking tomorrow there's a lot of people going to go to a nut house tonight that are gonna do something about their drinking next week thorough right now let me tell you one of the first of the mistakes that we made. And when I say we, I'm encompassing all of the seemingly recovered alcoholics. We say that some of us tried to hold on to our old ideas. And the result was nil until we let go absolutely. And that's true. That's also described as half measures. I used to think I could hang out in saloons and drink seven up. That's like going in a whorehouse to buy a newspaper. That is like putting your hand on a woman's tit and saying, that's as far as I want to go. I tried all of my old ways And not all of them, and I am about to give you only my opinion. You will notice I have closed the book. I am not reading from the book I'm about to give you my opinion on my old ways. Lest you think for one silly moment that I have given up all of my sordid past and have become the Pope, you are wrong. In a state of complete honesty with me, with me with Gene D not with you, not with yo I had to decide what things in my past seemed to have caused me to drink. In that state of honesty, I discovered many of them. Many of my old habits were very conducive to me doing some drinking. And they weren't the kind of things you'd hang up on a wall and show everybody either. So I had to remove them. I can even explain that by keeping it clean. Most of you know, I guess, about my number one love is harness racing. I would love to be back racing harness horses. I would have loved to have a stable, a track, the vans, the whole, I would love it. I live and breathe for it, but I have convinced myself that that environment is very conducive to me returning to drinking. So I have to be willing to let go of that all the way. I haven't let go of it all of the way because I still cherish the dreams of it, the thoughts of it. I stick my feet in a little once in a while and get them wet, you know. But I don't drink. I don' t put my whole foot in. But then there's other things that might cause you to drink that are not the nicest things in the world, but they don't cause me to drink. I used to cheat at cards a lot of times me and another guy worked a little deal that worked all over the middle west two guys playing against another on a card game any time we needed money I could do that today if I wanted to and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't go out and get drunk if I wiped a guy out for $3,000 or something like that wouldn't bother me one god damn bit this honesty you know it says don't worry we're not saints and that's exactly right When we're talking about honesty, we're not talking about becoming a saint because I guarantee you right now if at the end of this meeting I walked out that back door and there was some guy there with a Teamster uniform on and a coat pulled up around his face and said, I've got a 24-inch colored TV that's never been out of the crate and I'll let it go for 20 bucks right now. No questions asked. I'd say give me six. Give me six of them. Now, I know that those are character defects. I know those are things that are wrong. But I didn't come in here to become a saint. I came in here to stay sober. And I have removed, I guess, up until today, most of the things that would cause me to drink. The evidence of that fact is that I stand here sober. But I'm quite sure if I tried to go back into them old things, that I'd drink again. Now that's only the first page of the fifth chapter of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous. The next page will talk about some other meetings. And the page after that is the 12 suggested steps of recovery. And if there be, in my opinion, one important sentence in the portion of the chapter that is read, it's contained at the end of the reading of the fifth chapter where the three pertinent facts are revealed. and where it says, number two, we believe that no human power could relieve our alcoholism. That wasn't the Pope closing that chapter. That wasn' t Father Kelly from down the street. That wasn''t an Episcopal minister and that wasn'' t the Mormon Tabernacle Choir that said no human power could relieve our alcoholism. That was 100 men and women just like you. Thank you.