Step 12 and the 12-Point List for Sponsors – Sandy S.

Get that police car there in about 15 minutes, and I said, I'll be there in 17. I'm not going to get that service. I just am not going get it. If I had to go alone, if I absolutely had to go alone. I just did not, you know. That hotline you know can be dangerous. It really can. Everybody in town knows that people come out to do those kinds of things. So I just be careful with it. Number three, don't expect success failure I want to cover that okay I'm going to go on past that one because I want to have a little basically God will determine through the new term whether that's a success or failure all you're supposed to do trade message but I'm gonna go on to that after over for do not pamper spoil you know don't give in too much. Five, don't oversell AA. Don't name drop. Well, we have Mayor Soto in our organization. We have Congressman X and X in our organizations, and we have Henrietta Rayburn in his. You know, don t oversell A for more than what it is, a place for drunks to get sober, whether they're doctors women black white Indian 12 years old or 96 years old doesn't make difference don't name your number six don't don't attempt professional advice unless you're a professional my sponsor taught this early on we were going through a divorce and I was having a lot of difficulty with because I want to manage that like I managed everything else he said to me I don't know what have to see Jerry back there this might help the group then he said me now I don't know anything about legal matters either so we're going to turn that over to a higher power in charge of legal matters and that's your lawyer his name is Bob Crockett and here's his phone number and then we turned over that divorce and anytime I brought up anything about the divorce or or the settlement or anything else he said what is your where's our heart our target legal matters have to say about that and I said gee I don't always that that we'll ask you won't we and and that because i didn't know anything about divorces i mean he bent through one but he didn't knowing about the voices how to handle them and so this responsibility to me was surprised and if i needed medical aid he put me into a higher part of charge of medicine and so on so don't give don't get professional advice if you're not qualified seven don't dispense medicine we've already talked about that one thing they did teach me was that a shot of beer or a shot of whiskey was not going to kill them. It might get them drunker, but it wasn't going to kill them, but I had to be very careful if there were medications and other things involved. I have taken many people doing same-day drugs and we've had to stop at I'm trying to think of that bar right on Ames Sullivan? No. I don't know. Casey's Pub. Casey's Public. That's the one. I take them there too. yeah this is just a little shot before we go right okay but uh don't dispense medicine if you know i had one instance at the uh at the camp hitchcock where young man got burned in the fire out there at the cam and he went that medication and came back and his sponsor did not want to take responsibility for the medication and i guess his sponsor's sponsor didn't want to responsibility or he wasn't around I'm not sure which was it. Were you around? I had to eat all those pills if they gave them to me. Okay, so they came to a great grant sponsor here and said this kid is going to take one of these every four hours. And I said that's fine, every four hours and I'll see you in four hours and that's the way we did it. Now that kind of thing I can do and that kind of thing we can all do. Eight, don't forget the physical thing. I don't know how many of you shook through yours but But I didn't get any medication when I first came into the program at Alcoholics Anonymous. And there's a lot of what we talked about earlier, shaking, just plain physical withdrawal from alcohol. Good hard candy will supply us to take some of that away. You know, losing all that carbohydrate, I guess. Is that what it is, carbohydrate? Losing all of that, a little sugar in your system, will get that anxiety attack away. It will get those physical shakings away. In fact, it works damn well on nine years around this program. and I still carry it just for a little anxiety attack, you know, popping M&M's down there. Again here, I put under this heading, be sure and recommend it. I would recommend, I wouldn't just suggest it, I would recommended very highly that they get a checkup from an MD after they're in program for a month or two or three, somewhere in there. Number nine, don't make any promises that you can't keep. We do not promise. we do not promise to return a family jobs etc all the promises that you'll be better will get peace of mind serenity happiness and sobriety not riches in place they don't promise something yes it did happen to us but that doesn't mean it's going to happen to you Ted don't preach or moralize it's the best to try for them telling them you you gotta do and you need this and you better stay out your life matter in this year the best way to approach an alcoholic is I have had two and I had two and I found that I needed to and when I was in that situation I found it and he'll listen to that every woman and he may not listen to if he's anything like me and won't listen to it today they'll sit there and go on and think about it for two days and say gosh maybe if it worked it worked for it might work for me too they're not going to sit there say you think that's what i need to do they might but i doubt it but don't preach them more on number 11 don't get an out of it john's probably a classic example of that we have to let the the newcomer in the family know how to reach it and if they don't have our last name how are you going to reach us you know on the phone book i let these newcomers know where i work and i don't know where I live and i let them know where they i let him know what meetings i go to on a regular basis and that's four on a regularly basis every week if i'm in town that's where i go and if they want to talk to this that's why they catch me and i think it's important to let them know where and if they call me i'll even tell them when i'm going out of town and if they don't call me then they call me when i'm out of town and then they can't say you didn't ask your phone all weekend so if you could call thursday i told you i was going to be calling all weekend but you didn's mind about it one guy started to call friday noon when we left just i mean we had to miss him by five minutes and he called all the way till six o'clock sunday night i mean he called every half hour on the hour or three hours or whatever it was and was really irritated with me that i was gone you know that i didn't have my phone all week i said if you've been calling monday tuesday wednesday thursday you'd have found that out they're part of a valuable lesson he doesn't do that anymore last don't try to predict uh predict don't trying to a newcomer that comes in she ain't gonna make it you might see by her eyes but there's no way he can make it who are we to predict that young or old richard for race color free whatever it is you know how how can we fit in whether they're gonna make it or not I don't think we can so don't try to so we just offer the help anybody that asked for one thing I learned in this program about my opinion is of extreme value to someone in this room and they are out there my opinion extreme value me it is of some value to this guy and that guy in that one because they asked of it my opinion occasion is of no value to people who don't have that's what I've learned improvement and really it put me a pretty good step now you wrap it up with the success failure I think this is important I really think it's important the success barrier of 12-step work sponsorship or whatever we want to call it is so tied in to my ego notice I didn't say you're evil my ego have I been a success if left comes to me and says I've got a problem here and I get to do a meeting and next week he drinks him back well I gotta do a medium it's not my fault I'm successful see where are you gonna draw the line at success failure just because you got up to a meeting maybe you're successful if you didn't get into a meeting but it's part of the idea that perhaps drinking had a little bit to do with his marital problem his financial problem his job problem and his just general overall living and he doesn't go to a meaning for another year maybe you've been successful maybe you planted the seed that caused that man to have his last friend so even if you've been having a success ratio on how many people you get to the meeting you know i'd rather and Paul Steppen would not give them to me, well, I've been successful. And I used to think that way. Part of the reason I used to think that way is because I really thought I had a message and I didn't have a message. I was bringing the people through the message. You were the message, see? And I thought I was a message Success Barrier Syndrome, you know, it's just a we can talk about this all day, but, you now, we're not guiding things. You know, if we were guiding things I guess I could guide this thing right out of this room. It's not too heavy I could probably guide it right out of this true but we're talking about guiding people without our guiding people that had their own free will and their own options to do whatever they damn well choose and that's a lot more difficult we can move mountains with some shovels but the only way we keep left going to a meeting is going over there and dragging them and finding them sitting on it and not that's gonna get old after some years time he's going to watch the second yeah we can't do them so remember not to set us send yourself into that success failure ratio so you're not acting alone you're only mister I'm only an instrument God's work not mine this is not my work this is God's word I believe it's supposed to be healthy if I take less credit for the good ones I won't have to take all the places for the one to drink one other thing I want yeah I don't know how I skipped it oh yeah back to that 12 don't don't try to predict who's gonna make it a new go to all do I wait for him to get a real about that that that gentleman still got a walk she still got her husband they still got house they still need to have a job they've got their family together. You want to wait for them because they're real bottom. To be a real bottom is death and I don't know if we can wait that long. So thank you for your attention now And now if you've got any questions, throw them out. Anybody? Jeez, we did a good job. Yes? My name is . And I want to know what you do with clips. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Where is it? Let me see. How do you make your group aware that there are clips in that video and that they're turning off the audio? Try that, Lee. Lee, go ahead. She's just chomping at the bit over there. My name is Lee McNally. My name is Lee McMillan, and I'm an NFL IKEA. And there, I have something in my big book, I don't have it with me, that is by Alan Nunn, and it's the greatest. And I had a whole bunch made up and I gave them to my girls. There is no clique. That means you're not doing something. Those who are sitting on the sidelines and saying they're in a clique, they're not being anything, they're being judgmental, They're judging others, and they're saying that there is a clique. There is no clique if you're busy. You're in the group. You know, the group is an active group. Someone who's accusing somebody else of being in a clique, they're the ones that are sitting on the outside and are not joining in. Why don't you say come along, grab their hand and say get into the group and you will no longer be a clique? I do not call my group a click because I'm active, I'm busy, I am not sitting on the outside. It's fantastic about Al-Anon and it's just a fantastic thing to read. Yeah, let me just read it. From the mouths of Al- Recently word was received by the steering committee that AA was being run by a clique. After considerable discussion, a committee was appointed to investigate this. the committee reported back that this statement was true furthermore they found that the clique was composed of faithful members who were present at every meeting who accepted appointments to committees who gave willingly of their time monies energies and efforts and would sincerely believe that the more they put into the group the more he would get out of it they reported there was no question that the enthusiasm responsibility and effort of these members is of an inescapable value to the group they suggested that more people joined the group of the click it is not a difficult matter to do so in fact it's easy they suggested to begin by attending every meeting taking part in live interest in all matters pertaining the group all group activities make helpful constructive suggestions and accept the responsibility to serve on committees and show a continual interest before you realize it you will have become a member of this pick and you will be surprised too excuse me you would be surprised to know how anxious and happy they would be to have you incidentally the victims seem to have too much trouble fighting serenity piece of money all right do you want to comment i do too because i think i know what you're talking about something else i think kind of understand where lynn's coming from and we've had the problems in my group and we said the problem within the group that i sponsor and with my sponsor one of the things that recently have not sat down with the guys i sponsored and i said was my sponsor and uh kind of made a decision amongst the guys that i sponsored that uh let's try and do this instead of going to our meetings and seven or eight or nine trying to sit down in our little deal we ought to make an effort to reach out somebody new you know i think we can make a better effort of bringing new people in i mentioned earlier during that segment i had was that tradition we have at our men's big one we try to open up and welcome those new people in it's you know and i remember how hard it was for me to go to them so it's uh I think AA does lack in bringing people into a clique, you know, and I think it's not all those people already in AA. I think a lot of the attributes to that newcomer too being afraid so we're supposed to be the weller ones, you know, we've been sober a while and I really think from me personally and some of the people I talk to, we probably are lacking in our meeting so reaching out to the newcomer I think that's something that is in the group inventory that GSO puts out they put out pamphlets about that and taking group inventories are we welcoming a newcomer into it instead of sitting that person he or she off to the side well we're going to make them ask we're gonna make them just really want so badly I think we're here to really reach out for them and at least make them welcome into it i i don't think uh i think there's a definition of that word click and there's two meanings to it and i think the one that that land is talking about is are not bringing people in it's not that we have a strong fellowship it's sometimes we get so hung up and what are we doing after the meeting where's Where's the ice cream at? Where's that cake at? Whose house are we going to? We used to leave three or four people off to the side, and we'd forget to invite them into it. And I think that definitely is a problem. That's an ideal. I think every AA group can be better at it. No matter how good you're at it, you can be better at. I think any AA group that I've attended can be better at, and my groups personally, I'm talking about my groups, can be better at this. we've rededicated ourselves in the last six or eight months through my sponsor to do just exactly that to in fact i've asked the people that i sponsor not to be coming up to me and start posing questions and and uh taking my time at a meeting that they have their phone to get in touch with me and if they need time they can call me and i will set up time we'll go property whatever that new meaning is that meeting is to meet the new people I've never met before I already know this jerk you know I don't need to have him come up and start we had games good to give a point down see but you know what I think maybe that's what you're saying I think what we really need to do at those meetings is to get there and see the new person and say with that we already know the people who sponsor I have asked the people that I sponsored not to be coming up to me at the meeting and taking me off into a corner saying If you've got to talk to me that bad, you could have gotten a good hold of me an hour before I went to the meeting or after the meeting. We can do that. Hi, I'm Winnie. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Winnie! Gee, I've got three hours now. One of the things that a group of us, there's several of us ladies that always ride together to meetings and to announce fire, it might look like a click. And what we have done within ourselves is move it and maybe we slip. We did not stay in a group for a while. we did. We stayed in, you know, a nice little lie-in and watched it. Comfortable, isn't it? Oh, no, I find it more crying. I like those movies. And so do the other gals that we ride with. And we're finding that a growing experience by the fact that we make an effort of getting up within the meeting so that we can meet those new people. Chris? I'm John Rosen, so I'm not going. One of the things we did to help on this flick deal was hold a meeting now and then about the open-handed and reach out instead of forgetting that he walked in the door you know greedy when he walks in and graduates before he gets out give him your name get the business card with your own grenadine and pass it on to these people if you want to reach them where you're at maybe they aren't ready to ask for a sponsor and i've been giving out business about it even though i am a farmer you know now I'm going back to the assumption if they're not ready to ask for a sponsor they don't know what a sponsor is who's gonna tell them we do we need to come in have you got a sponsor no I just first meet good you got one now I mean you've got one and you know and after meeting go sit down and have coffee with me tell a little bit about AA tell me he's got a choice of any sponsor he wants but for right now why did you just crack all me right now let's just come say five to the end we don't own them anyway anything else that you wanted to question i'm arnie I have. If you give me your name and address afterwards, I'll put it up for you. It's my own. I took it out of the conference material, and I just kind of put it down in 12 because 12 sounded like something I ought to be doing rather than Ten Commandments, I'd like 12 steps. You know what that is? That's the only reason I did it in 12. But yes, I would make it available to you. Give me your address and I'll email it to you I don't have a copy here with me but I'll make one for you. It's a rough copy so I'll make a better copy. Okay, let's close it up. I'd love to read something from a big book about Pakistanis that kind of talks about sponsorship in my mind, and what it's really all about. This is Bill Wilson's story, page 14. My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs, particularly as an imperative to work with others as he had worked with me. Faith without works was dead, he said, and how appallingly true for the alcoholic. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he'd surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us, it is just like that. My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm for the idea of helping other alcoholics to the solution of their problems. It was fortunate, for my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half during which I found little work. I was not too well at the time and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. this sometimes nearly drove me back to drink but I soon found that when all other measures fail work with another alcoholic would save the day many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair I'm talking to a man there I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet it is a desire for living that works in rough going that's Bill Wilson thank you all for being here and sharing Let's go to the iPad.