Step 11 and the Whisper That Only a Broken Soul Can Hear – Ali H.

Without any further ado, I'm gonna call Ali back for session two and thank you so much. All right, welcome back. How are you grateful alcoholic. Can we please if you don't mind so I can get centered. Can we just take a moment of silence followed by the Sunday prayer, please if he don't know. all right thank you guys for coming back it's good you came back i wasn't ready to come back okay that's good uh i i want to it's important i keep like i just keep i feel the need to keep like reiterating this point in that you know when transformation happens it's been my experience right and and somebody talks about the transformation naturally they get excited right and there's passion and conviction in it so just please don't ever misconstrue my passion my conviction for a direction to you that's not the case for me telling you this what you have to do or you're doing it wrong i'm doing no that's Not the case at all it's just my experience i'm sharing it you know so just please keep that in mind um uh like it's my truth but it's not detruth you know the beautiful thing about this path is that we all get to have our own truth you know through the big book of alcoholics anonymous good sponsorship the fellowship of alcoholics and us the traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous we all get to have an experience with truth that's another name for for God another aspect of God for me truth right um so when Judith uh about a year ago she asked me to uh come and do a workshop and uh she said every year we have people come and doing workshops on the steps right so we don't want to just do the steps just can you come up with some topics so I sat in in meditation and prayer and these are the topics that came in meditation they scream that these are topics that came and uh i mean the beautiful thing about i love it actually that it's like this instead of me talking about uh officially a step right because because i get to share my experience around it any topic in alcoholic synonymous it just filled with the principles of the steps anyways it's about this path right so the first topic was really step 11 really at death right keeping the conscious contact with power um The session, the title of this session is what it sounds like when the spirit whispers. OK, so perhaps a more humble way to say it now in hindsight, when I think about it, it should have been what it has sounded like when this spirit has whispered to me. Maybe that's a more accurate way to see it. I believe the spirit has been whispering for thousands of years. For thousands of ears through many different faiths and religions and spiritual paths, the spirit has been whispering many different sacred books has been whispering see but i couldn't hear it i couldn' t hear the whisper i couldn''t hear the message i couldn ''t hear the assignment because because i was distracted by the i i couldn'T see the beauty of the forest because of the ugliness of some of these trees right because the ugliness of some of these trees i i uh would uh badmouth religions as a whole because of the the what i saw happen in iran with that muslim fanatic religion government did in the name of god because the ugliest of some other streets i would uh dismiss christianity as a whole because of some of this stuff with the priests and the right because of the ugliest of some industries i couldn't hear the whisper i couldn' t hear the whisper because really what the real reason is that i was way too consumed in self drowning in self dying in self what's happening to me how am i affected pay attention to me what am i going to lose now what am I not going to gain now everything that happened in my life was one uh one person in the center of it my main concern was me how i'm affected i believe what the spirit has been whispering for thousands of years literally has tried has traveled through space time thousands of years many different messages many different forms i believe the whisper is be still and know that i'm love be still and know that i'm loved everything's all right in this moment and here's the message you want to get to know me get to know my kids you want have a relationship with me go serve my kids i believe that the spirit whispered 87 plus years ago to Ebi Thatcher the spirit whispered in a way that we could digest it that I could digest that a kid from Iran who moved to Canada 36 years ago that couldn't be further enlightened from the creators of this program further enlightened the spirit whispered for me to hear that message 87 plus years later that message that abby thatcher uh passed on to bill wilson and i believe his town's hospital in his third treatment there bill was trying to get sober and he couldn't his third statement there abby did i guess what was uh at the steps at the time right in a few days or a couple of weeks in the hospital with them bill had a white lightning experience he felt the presence of love and god he had a white lightning experience and the message was if you want to keep this now it's your turn to start to go to start the passing along i think the big book says that bill talks about my my friend emphasized the need for me to pass this message on to others and Bill went about doing that, attempting to do that for the next six months of his sobriety of his sobrieting there pulling people off of bar stools enforcing people you need to stay sober he didn't get anyone sober the way he was passing on the message didn't give him a chance he didn' t get anyone sober he stayed sober but no one else stayed sober I think perhaps he was missing something at that time And then he ended up in the Mayflower Hotel lobby. He had a business deal that went down to the dumps. He couldn't pay for his hotel room. He was walking back and forth in the lobby of the May Flower Hotel, and the drink called him. Six months the drink hadn't called him, the drink frightened him. And all of a sudden the spirit turned his gaze to the phone book and the spirit whispered in his ear, But if you drink, what's going to happen to all those other alcoholics and families that would have had a life if you were to stay sober and pass this message on? Go pass this massage on. But this time he woke up. He really heard the depth of the whisper. Don't go force this message. Pass this message John. Why? For you to stay sober. He made a few phone calls and ended up meeting Dr. Bob and was supposed to be a 15-minute conversation. We all know the stories. Please forgive me for reviewing the history. What was supposed to be a 15-minute conversation ended up being hours. And the language love was started. It was as if God grabbed two of his broken souls, like pebbles, dropped them in the pond of life and through space-time ripple effects of it language of love from one alcoholic's desire to stay sober himself ain't that beautiful ain't not beautiful and then the big book was written and those those little ripples of language of life they started to become like waves thousands of people start to get sober and it's reached me that same whisper has reached me and all of us i think in our own way we're riding the waves of this language of love millions of people sober and my wife is experienced and my son is explained the man i sponsor that the people i interact with language of law from one person answering the call of the spirit answering the whisper remember we're talking about earlier my insignificance and my significance mountains of mountains with this power with this program the first time that i heard that i really heard the whisper wasn't inside of me it was through you i was too consumed in self too blocked what's happening to me my life my life's problem is you and my mother and addicted father's beatings and the bombing iran and the molestation of those two 15 year old kid boys when i was seven years old that was too much in that it was faint inside of me the whisper but i heard it when i was 12 stepped up in 2006 through one of you beautiful people a loving member of alcoholics anonymous i think at 12 years at that time i heard him loud through his action because he was answering the call of the spirit to pass this message on to someone else by the way if you haven't figured it out yet the 12th step is the whisper in my experience in my opinion right here's a i think there's a line in the big book on paraphrase it talks about like your actions are so loud that i can't hear or would be somewhere else right what you're saying through his loving action of answering the call of the spirit this message onto another broken soul like me who can't stay sober who wants to kill himself i heard it loud man i heard a lot i didn't know at that time that's what you were doing though i didn' know that you were fulfilling the assignment that you answered the call i didn t know i had no idea i was too consumed and so what i brought to you guys when i brought to that gentleman and the first set of long time as an old timer just loving people in aaa that were awakened that tried to help me what i brougt to you guise was a confusion why is it that every single time i pick up a drink i destroy my life why is that my dad used to call me weak just be a man have a few drinks that's it go to work the next day because he was an active addict that worked he always put food on the table i was unable to work that's just the way it affected me right why is it that i have a couple of shots and and i had moved back to my parents condo and poor mom saw that my eyes like she saw uh she saw my eyes that the drink was on me i had to go and she bear hugged one of my legs because she thought her son's gonna die this time a 25 year old little baby right she bear hogged my leg and and I just pulled my leg up from her from her hand I kicked her in the shoulder stole her wallet stole all her money and went and drank for two two weeks why is it i was confused i brought you guys the confusion that although i have had ample evidence in my life that i that i shouldn't drink that the drink destroys my life i have all the desire and i feel the necessity not to yet why is that i go back to the first drink i was confused i bought that confusion to you guys i was in too much pain and confusion why is that suicide attempt after suicide attempt is not sufficient for me to learn the lesson that the drink kills me don't go back to it you explained to me the allergy of the body and the obsession of the mind and just blew my night terrified me that's some illness man an illness in which love is not enough are you kidding me you see what love has conquered in in this world a good woman's love is not enough a child's love is not a mother's love and love is not enough that's a powerful on this man few years later down the road when when i came back to you guys all broken all humble and teachable when the when the gift of desperation By the way, that's a gift, eh? I cannot, for me, my experience, I try to surrender. Surrender happens to me. It's a Gift of Desperation. When the Gift of Despiration meets the Grace of God, in that moment when the stars line up, it's magic, man. When the gift of desperation met the Grace Of God at that moment, and that lady, that Native Indian lady, my original sponsor, took me to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was set on fire, man, and i'm still on fire i've been on fire since then not a perfect life okay not that's not what i'm on fire on fire for a deeper relationship for a deep yearning to have a deeper relationship with this loving power as in the last session on fire to have a deeper relation with you on fire and loudly clear to me in my ears in my being on fire to answer the call of the spirit to pass this message on. That's a purpose of my life. I live a life filled with a deep sense of meaning and purpose, that's why. Life can't be about happiness for me. Happiness is a byproduct that'll happen or not happen, doesn't matter. I live purposeful life. That means I get to carry my cross and walk with it. My cross of depression, I get carried and walked with it, proud man. Life no longer happens to me all the time. that happens for me how can i be useful here god you know i start to sponsor people i start to answer the call of the spirit the 12 step at three and a half months of sobriety i'd like to share that not because everyone should do it like that but because there is no cookie cutter thing to do this way to do this right when the spirit calls you got to answer i was at the 12th step i was i was afraid i felt less than i felt like i had nothing to offer and i would tell this sponsor and others about that fear and what i was told is ali it's none of your business to whom how where you pass this message on if you're at the twelfth if you have step 12 you pray just pray ask god and make yourself available that's it there doesn't matter it's not about the number of sponsees or what they do and no it's about you attempting to be of service to pass on what is freely being given to you because only one thing ensures immunity from alcohol only when all else fails the desire and the attempt to pass this message on not the perfection of right the desire we attempt to past this message john so i would i was in and out for seven years right people knew me in a.a and and i like to think you know what i think i think maybe that sponsor at the time and and a bunch of the other elders maybe they had a meeting together right and they said you know this kid i think he's sick of the most so we better encourage him to pass on something to somebody he'll never stay sober so i will come to these meetings and i would share with people just that knew me just saw such a transformation in the way i was walking and the way I was talking in my demeanor that one one of the uh one gentleman Ramsey he had 16 months of sobriety at that time just three months three and a half months and he came to me and said Ali he wasn't enough for a while there's 16 months sobriete he said Ali can you just can you take me through the steps the way you were taking through the stops I've never had the big book experience and i'm just like are you sure ramsey because look man three months this is right i don't he's like i don t care i just want that experience just show me how you did it i was like okay so i would literally take the subway uh meet him at his house and i got his condo downtown toronto three days a week every time i'll be in this elevator shaking i swear to god shaking scared thinking i'm gonna sound stupid what do i really know did this really happen to to me am i faking it alcoholism right so i would open the big book of alcoholics anonymous and i would go through it line by line just like it was done for me i'm not telling everybody to do this i'm saying that's what happened for me I'm just sharing my experience okay highlight where the highlights were done for mean those were the notes were done from me it really doesn't matter what you highlight and what you say it's just taking the actions what does it right but I'm just saying that's what I did right and then I saw this man at 16 months of sobriety when he went through the round of the steps and his eyes lit up and he was set on fire I was like holy crap this thing really works because I got to see it in someone else you know what I mean I can't see it in me I didn't know how bad I was when I was drinking after everyone else saw how bad it was and i don't know how how well i'm getting i guess others that people see it in me i gotta see it someone else so my faith grew in this process in answering the call of the spirit you know i want to share something with you that gentleman passed away a few years ago he after a few hours he went and drank and and i was trying to help him a couple times i just didn't connect wasn't able to and uh in one of our conversations you know what he said to me he said Ali I appreciate you for taking me through the steps in the big book like you were taken it transformed my life he was like he was in and out at that time right I had experience with this program that I never had before and I just want to share something with you you know the reason that I came to you wasn't to get that transformation i i didn't think i would get it i saw it in you but i heard you share at a meeting that i need to pass this on to somebody because i don't want to drink anymore so that's why i asked because i wanted you to stay soon and that's how this program works that's god showing me this how this program works i'm not doing anybody a favor by sponsoring them they're doing me a favor that's how i stay sober god uses everybody in in his own way in her own way you know and we continue to pray in the mornings god because my my sponsor at the time said you gotta pray make yourself available right and i take direction so i'm just like that um god if you see fit would you put a sponsor in my path because i don't want to drink and die thank you god some childish prayer like for you so i ended up i ended up going to a man's shelter visiting one this time not staying at work that was a miracle itself right my sponsor sent me there apparently the gentleman who's putting on an a meeting there he went out they had nobody they needed a fill-in so ended up being a fill in for like a year there right and i would i would set up the meeting so i would do three three pages from the big book and and and these men would share from the pain and the chaos and the brokenness of their lives and i will share that i relate to you just i i haven't drank in four months i've been drinking five months i don't want to kill myself and find i'm happy most of the time and i'll go back every week saying the same thing every week same the same thing and these men start to trust me they said to trust me my sobriety maybe that's how god was using me okay this is my thinking around it maybe i'm wrong the way what god was using me is that they said to trust not the validity of my sobrietty they started to trust me more than with someone in 20 years i believe that's how it sounded to me not the truth of it it's the tangibility of my subriety if that's a word right the fact that when you're you were broken sometimes man somebody with five months on fire seems so much more tangible than somebody with 30 years right so they would come back to me after the meeting and ali can you just help us with these steps that you talk about how do you stay sober can you help us through that sure i will i'll just take you through the big book so i just did with them what was done for me i would go line by line and i would forget what to do and what column was called what call it hold on i gotta call my sponsor what was the fourth column again how do do you do that and i don't know i don' t know if any of those men or those first gifts from god are sober today but you know who's sober i haven't had a drink i haven' t had a see when i would argue with my with my elders at the time that you need a year before sponsoring because that's what i heard in the rooms right you need two years six by any set period remember rigidity is the prison and dying right that what would happen was this when i argue with them what they would say to me timely and sternly is that ali that's interesting you're thinking because it's bill if bill wilson and dr bob had the same thinking as you that there has to be a set period time before you sponsor somebody through the 12 steps then there would be no alcoholic synonymous they would be dead we would be that you'd probably be drunk and dead too right now so please don't like i i i get it i i understand that at that time everyone's newly sober everyone's young in sobriety so everyone's younger sobriete had to pass this night i get that right and and today in alcoholic synonymous 87 plus years later there's so many beautiful powerful long-term walks in sobriet which i want what they have i do right But here's the thing, man. If I didn't do that, I wouldn't be sober today. Do you know what I mean? So what I pray for you is this. If you are new in sobriety and you have a sponsor that tells you that you're at the 12th step, I pray that God puts people around you, beautiful souls around you that are going to fan that fire for you, man. Not extinguish it. I hope they're going to find that fire for you. It started from one conversation, eh? One conversation. 50, 80, 70 plus years. I pray that you have the experience. And what I want to share with you is this. So I'm sponsoring a lot of people and passing this message on and life is beautiful and just, you know, just amazing. When When I'm answering the call of the spirit, when I'm in my assignments for the day, usually it's helping other alcoholics. When I've been in my silence for the demand, I'm en bliss no matter what's going on in my life. I'm a list. So I don't know if this happened for anybody here. This happened to me. Give somebody whose entire life he felt like he's not enough, that is ugly, that he's a loser. give him access to a power that can use him to help other people recover you know what happened to me after a while I started to think I am the power I started to think ownership of that power you know the big book it says we in our turn sought escape like a drowning man seeks a life preserver right like the spirit of we're all drowning men and women together we do right all of a sudden i stopped becoming a drowning man with seeking desperation i thought i was a lifeguard i'm on the deck walking back and forth telling everybody they're doing it wrong you got to do it like this and you got to get a new sponsor he's not doing it this way oh my goodness oh my goddess and i'm so grateful for the people that came before me because they loved me when i was unlovable a little bit you know what i mean that's important we don't shoot our wounded that's what i hear And for the people that were unkind to me when I was unkind, I want to thank you as well. Because you gave me a shake. And you also taught me what not to be like. See, one time, as I was telling everybody what to do and I was on fire and I thought my way is the only way and I would stop. I would, I got to a point where I thought there was in this happened to me a few times actually my sobriety. There's an image to uphold and alcoholics anonymous is about sounding good and looking good right. I was sponsoring this gentleman named Peter, and few years back. And Peter man, he went he went through the steps of the big book and he had six seven eight months of sobriete powerful I was just like, holy moly man it was just blowing me away what happened to this guy like a year you saw but as one year after after about 12 14 months peter stopped coming around so much peter ended up drinking and i would and i and i kept on trying to help him i'll go to his house i would take him to detoxes i would pray for him pray with them right one of these times when i was trying to hop on and he was he was coming back i remember i went to visit him in his house he was in his room i was trying to get him to come to a meeting we had a nice conversation you know what he told me what he said was ali you know i believe part of the reason why i went to drink he said i start to get anxious in life i started to and i was ashamed to tell you about and share with you because you set such a bar of perfection that i thought i could never reach that so i started to take some uh what's that trazodone right anti-anxiety medication overtaken not prescribed right and i picked up the bottle and i can't stop right now and i'm not so as i'm saying this to you please don't misunderstand i'm I'm not so asleep today to think that I have the power to make anyone drink or to save anybody. That's not what happens here. But there's a huge lesson in that for me. When I think I'm running the show, I destroy things. A few months later, Peter died of alcoholism. And I woke up. I'd just like to believe that we're all here to fulfill our assignment, to fulfill your soul contract. And I think his was this old. That's it. I got to wear this world like a loose garment. if there's a cookie cutter way to do this thing and I'm a big book believer but if there is a cookie cutter every single time must be this way then there is nothing to do with God having to do it with me and my ego and my wants and my needs a gentleman came to me a few years ago 20 something years sober sober on fellowship real alcoholic by all accounts of his story sober on scholarship and dibble dabbling in steps and i started to do the cookie cutter thing that i always do line by line through the big book and you know after the third step prayer we launch and we got a vigorous action and you guys know about this right let's go column by column this very right and and this element couldn't do it couldn't keep up and after some conversation i startedto realize it became it's not very apparent but it started become more apparent through more relationship and spending time together that he has some challenges learning challenges mental challenges so him and myself and this gentleman we went through a fourth step on fifth step over a period of 14 months one resentment at a time on the phone the fourth and the fifth right there on that resentment next one next one fear sex right it didn't look like i wanted to look look like it doesn't look like what the big book says that gentleman is sober today and he's had an experience that he hadn't had in 25 years before that the last two three years he made all that he made his amends he's hopeful in life today he goes to meetings and he and he talks about god and he looks for the newcomer today i'm sorry i don't know i'm so sorry just like the power of just love you know what i mean and power of love man this big book what is it it's like a couple inches thick i say this sometimes you can get a really smart english lit student to come and unpack and dissect these words and give us a talk it'll blow your mind but it will be shallow it won't mean anything like you think that's interesting you'll leave and forget all about it it won'T have impact in your heart the reason this has impact in our hearts when we share with each other is we get to pour our experience on the pages of this book this is a treasure map and God will show up God will tell me how to do this how not to do that I have an idea I think I want to do THIS but God what's your plan this was his plan with this man you know I gotta wear this world like a loose garment at about going back a little bit about just sharing my experience with passing this message on the whisper right at about three um three years three four years sobriety i can't remember me and my original sponsor uh we start to grow apart spiritually me and donna beautiful lady we're still best of friends eh i love that lady we just start to grow apart virtually and i start to pray donna gave me the 12 step that what i mean is the ways this lady worked with men and women she instilled in me the importance of passing this message on i'm so grateful for her i needed that message we grew up apart spiritually and and i was praying i was asking god to please god would you see if you see faith would you please put a another teacher in my path for me to get to know you more and god never denies that prayer by the way that's that's a powerful prayer for me TO GET TO KNOW YOU MORE peter m came in my life here i'm from florida if you guys have experienced peter he's a beautiful man of god and what peter taught me is discipline at 20 something years 30 something years sobriety writing inventory still with his sponsor he taught me about a disciplined spiritual life the power of that how important that is his relationship with god blew my mind man and i took direction and i i'm talking about not being sponsored right the kind of sponsors that i've had i took correction and i was inspired by him and i was teachable and i've had similar experiences my own experience is personal to me you know and about five six six seven six years ago six and a half years ago peter was sponsoring me for a couple of years and and alcoholism had returned again see i don't this is so it's kind of baffling and powerful for this reason because i don't see my ego growing in the background i don's see it that's why a solitary self-appraisal seldom suffices i need you to see it for me i need to give you spiritual consent so you can tell me ali you're going offside here i need have that trust with you to understand that it's coming from a place of love so for about a year i stopped sharing again sharing myself openly with you guys you know i thought again there was a missile holding her talking here and there just you know and my wife went for uh some major surgery sorry minor surgery she's an alcoholic like me 12 years sober beautiful child of god she is man how god uses her i'm talking about internally yeah of course externally See, the doctor gave me some Percocets. You know those painkillers? Prescribed painkills, right? I have never had a problem with pills. It was always take it or leave it, right. And the ego had grown upon me and alcoholism waits patiently and doesn't come at me as a drink anymore. It comes sideways. It comes from the back door. This time it was waiting on my shoulders and it said to me, hey you were never you haven't had a problem with pills take a couple so i took a couple and the next morning thank god for good sponsorship thank god for an ounce of humility thank god but during that time peter was awakened what he told me was that ali because he he was in Florida, it's long distance, right? He said, Ali, you need someone knee-to-knee now. Like, what are you talking about? I'm not going to drink. He's like, you don't know that. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling. You don't know that you need somebody knee-TO-Knee. I'm not going to leave you. I'm still on your team. You got to get someone. And I said, well, I don't know anyone that I want. That's what I said. Maybe it was Eric. But I don't want that one in my area. He said, what about Butch? And years because i witnessed this ego come to me right and make me think i'm the power i'm better than people right so i've been praying god can you please show me the way of patience tolerance and kindness please fill me with humility can you Please show me i want to be a better person with the desire right and bush came in my life he's been my sponsor for the last six and a half years and he's a loving man what would what which gave me he introduced me to a love story of alcoholic synonyms butch maslin he introduced me to the love story of alcoholic scenarios i've never seen a man that has that walks this path the way he does with kindness and love with humility and love he carries a big book and walks softly you know he told me he taught me about practicing principles in my affairs love story the love story that that I get to participate in that I got to be in love with my wife and my son and be in love with the present moment be loving to others it's a lot more than not drinking you know it's a lot more than not drinking and by the way answering the call of the spirit since we're talking about not being rigid right i have to have a desire this is my experience right i need to have the desire and take some action and pass this message on right but answering the calling of spirit doesn't always have to come in the form of this form of sponsorship if you want to get to know me get to my kids okay get to knowing my kids in every area of life this is designed for living I guess the best way to sort of give you a couple of quick examples is through my career path okay I'll give you A couple of Quick Examples and I'll end this remember I was having trouble finding a job to support a family one time I was sponsoring a man who was about a fencing business and clam shovels with clam shovels we were like digging holes in the grass three or four feet for the post of the fence and it was a hard job man it's like hustling labor hot son it was the end of a week, and I was, man, tears were coming down. I was cursing God under my lips. God, come on, man. I'm trying to do your work. Give me a break here. This is not what I signed up for. I want to stop fighting with the bills. Can you please help me out here? And then I remembered how selfish I'm being. So I went inside in silence, and And I prayed, God, whoever you are, not whoever you're, whatever. God, please move this selfishness and self-centeredness from me. Show me who would you have me be? What would you help me do, God? Right after that prayer, I hear a 65-year-old man that was sitting next to me. He was a laborer just like me. He had lost his deck business to a messy divorce. I hear his mouth open up and he says, Ali, can you help me? I've been wanting to drink for the last, I've been wanting kill myself for the past two weeks and I can't stop drinking. Can you help me? my mouth opened up and i said to tell him about how bad it was and the suicide at times that i couldn't stay sober he didn't know i was in a he just knew that i didn't drink from the conversations we had then i said let's talk about you guys i said the time about the kindness and love you show me about the program of alcoholics that man is sober today he's in love with you guys he's participating in this love story you know and i gotta tell you right then and there all the half twos in my life I was burdened by they were just transformed to get twos of my life I get to come to work I get hustle as a laborer I get make $15, $20 an hour I get look for another job and I get help one of God's kids I floated the rest of the summer in that job I have so many examples like that I have many examples if you want to get to know me get to meet my kids like Judith I've been called to about eight years ago in a meditation it came to me you got to bring the fellowship of the spirit conference to Toronto this thing that's on fire man people need to people needto hear about it one prayer all of a sudden things are set in motion I said to share with people a team gather around me we've been doing it for eight years now it's pocket of enthusiasm in toronto there on fire man powerful speakers you know zoom when the zoom thing hit pandemic hit you want to get to normally serve my kids when the pandemic hit we didn't know what we were doing immediate thing was concerned what's going to happen to me right but you train me well next prayer was god can you please help me be useful here what can i do here the idea came started step 11 meeting start to talk about me three years ago we started step eleven meeting with my friend teresa every week maybe some of you have been on it every week we get around 150 to 400 people now the meetings are opened up around 150 250 right talking about god sharing step 11 experiences in the last three years we've done five to ten conferences three of them had a thousand people each session no one could get in anymore 10 workshop after workshop at the workshop in the last three years my place been so full but i've never been so fulfilled it was as if like god put it was that god put my my spiritual life in a pressure cooker i grew up and though in these three years spiritually speaking more than i think i would have in the next 10 years without zoom without being with you guys connecting with people all over the world listening to stories how transformation happens falling in love with you guys my entire life i wanted to experience love i wanted to be in love i want to experience that i wanted to be loved you know maybe that's not i categorized it at the time right but i burned my life to the ground chasing that through external things and through the drink then i met you guys and you people like my sponsor and you introduced me to this love story this beautiful love story and what you told me is that the only way for someone like me to participate in this love story is to be loving to other people the 12 step it's all encompassing pass this message on and practice principles in my affairs walk godly everywhere right that's what you taught me my entire life i wanted to love myself love myself i'm not saying that's wrong but it just hasn't worked for me when i try to love my stuff by doing for myself only just doesn't work i'm left empty but when i tried to when i start to love you and do for you all of a sudden i'm filled with love man my heart overflows with love you know what i mean it's like it's like this ride of life, this roller coaster of life. Sometimes it's bumpy man, sometimes it's scary right? It's like God put me in a seat and he shouldn't speak to the pro guy. I put a seat belt on me and this seat belt is made up of 12 steps right? And the buckles, the buckle, the metal parts that connect to the seat belt is the 12 step and the first step. That's what keeps us together here. Somebody's 12 step and my first step my 12th step and your first step that's what keeps us here those are the two steps that differentiate us from every other religion every other spiritual path that i know of anyways maybe you could right every religion have everything that we have in the air of course they do it's not new to us we're not a monopoly but no other spiritual path has the first half of the first step powerless over alcohol and has the first half of the 12th step having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps we try Try, try to pass this message on. God bless you. Thank you very much.