Step 11 and the Object He Uses to Meditate – Larry S.

About This Speaker Tape

Pennsylvania, 13 years old, and a gallon of homemade raisin wine that "said drink me." Larry S. spent decades as a "Dunwoody drunk," hiding a massive bourbon habit while working as a cop in vice and a railroad brakeman. He double-dipped on firing insurance, making more money getting fired than working, all while drifting toward a total state of despair.

After a failed suicide attempt and a blunt wake-up call from a hospital doctor, he hit a bottom that involved a 9mm in his mouth and a desperate plea to a Higher Power. He describes the difference between being religious and being spiritual: religious people pray to avoid hell, but spiritual people have been to hell and will do anything not to go back. Now, Larry stays sober by avoiding the "incense and crossed legs" version of meditation, instead using a physical object in his hand to anchor his mind and maintain a conscious contact with his Higher Power.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction of Larry S. and his involvement with the early morning study group.
• 1:15 First drink: The raisin wine incident at age 13 and the resulting mess in the dining room.
• 4:30 Laughter: The 55-gallon drum liner and the reality of cleaning up after a spouse.
• 6:15 Career as a vice cop in the 70s, drinking moonshine on the job.
• 9:00 Railroad days and the 'firing insurance' scheme.
• 12:30 The five-year period of sobriety in his 30s and the relapse triggered by a single glass of bourbon in Charleston.
• 16:00 The suicide attempt and the blunt advice from the Indian doctor to 'learn how to be a man'.
• 20:00 The hidden bourbon bottles and the ritual of drinking from noon until 2 AM.
• 23:00 The 9mm incident and the prayer in the driveway leading to Peachford Hospital.
• 26:00 The panic attack in the hospital over the '90 meetings in 90 days' suggestion.
• 28:30 Meeting his sponsor and the realization that he is 'crazy' like everyone else in the rooms.
• 32:00 Discussion of Step 11, meditation, and the difference between religious and spiritual people.