Step 10 – Judy L. – Big Book Workshop Retreat – 2020

About This Speaker Tape

Chris and Judy share a gritty look at the mechanics of sobriety at the Wilson H.. Chris recounts the 'strange insanity' of drinking vodka while driving to the DMV to recover his license after a third DUI, and the realization that the 12 Steps are not a philosophy to agree with, but a set of actions to execute. He describes the 'turd' of the ego—the desperate need to defend a position that only stinks and pushes people away.

Judy speaks on the 'adrenaline' of fighting the system as a survival mechanism and the slow process of replacing that fight with spiritual principles. They discuss the 10th Step as a 'cleanup step' and the necessity of daily maintenance to prevent the ego from rebuilding like a phoenix from the ashes. The narrative moves from the wreckage of 'raping and robbing and pillaging' to a state of wonder, where the universe's vastness makes the struggle of the alcoholic seem small but the gift of life immense.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Introduction and the story of the perpetual light at the Wilson House.
• 4:15 Discussion on the sole purpose of an AA group and the difference between theory and action in the 12 Steps.
• 8:30 Chris discusses the failure of 'one-liner' sponsorship and the importance of working the book.
• 13:45 The encounter with the counselor at Rutgers School regarding shame and the 12 Steps.
• 16:20 Deep dive into Step 10 as a 'cleanup step' and the concept of 'continuance'.
• 21:10 Laughter: The 'turd' metaphor for the ego and the Kung Fu TV show story.
• 25:30 The 'stupid meter' story: drinking vodka while retrieving a license after a third DUI.
• 31:15 Judy discusses the 'adrenaline' of fighting and the 9th Step promises.
• 38:40 Judy's experience making amends to her sister 'Sarge'.
• 45:10 Discussion on the 'daily reprieve' and the ego as a phoenix rising from the ashes.
• 52:15 Step 11: Moving from an adversarial Higher Power to a sense of cosmic wonder.
• 58:00 Closing thoughts on the gift of life and the mystery of the Higher Power.