Step 10 Inventory and Character Defects – Workshop: Expanding Higher Power Consciousness – Part 5 of 5 – John J.

Thank you, Anna. Good evening, friends. friends, and thank you for joining our workshop this evening. And if you've been here from the very beginning, welcome back. It's beautiful to see each of you, and it was wonderful to participate in this workshop with you. And I just want to send out a very big welcome. If you've come to some of the workshops or haven't come to others, welcome. So it's not something that you need to do chronologically. These are independent subjects and titles and talks, and even the fact that you're able to make some, I congratulate you and acknowledge you. And there are some others that may be joining us for the first time, and a very special shout-out to each of you. Welcome. You're very much welcome here. And just to let you know, Well, there are recordings available past talks if you're interested in having them. And Mickey so generously put the Facebook page up and you can request recordings from this workshop by joining the Facebook page, of course, and then asking someone to from photos to send you the recordings every week. and they will put that in the chat, I'm sure. And as Mickey suggested, we have an Instagram page, and the Instagram page is a place where you can go and get some daily suggestive exercises on the topics that you've been doing. There's also a place where you could ask questions and share your experience about these things and let you know that I attempt to answer every comment and every inquiry. So I take that seriously, and I look at it a few times a day. And I encourage you to not only just ask questions, but to share your experience, the learned experience that you're having here. So that's been set up for your benefit. But I'm a big believer in an action plan. It's nice to sit in a meeting and talk about nice things to nice people and maybe learn some things, the new distinctions or insight, which is always an aha moment. But none of that is really valuable unless we attempt to put something into action. And it's my hope that that Instagram page catches the attention of some people, that they're willing to put something into action to benefit or to expand their God consciousness. See, it's not so much what I'm sharing that God's consciousness gets expanded. It's more about you practicing and being open to and allowing God to teach you what needs to be taught. And from that, we've been learning our best possible way to become available. So big shout out to Fotis and all the crew here. They've been absolutely incredible in supporting of this journey in our spiritual life, and I just want to give them a heartfelt thanks as well. Also, I want to thank you for the many wonderful comments and phone calls and emails that you sent me. I find it very humbling and what you think of me and the support that you're providing me. And like Nikki said, this is workshop number seven of eight, and we are on our way home. We promised, as we being photos promised, that you'll have an expanded God's consciousness in your life. So do me a favor at this moment. If you actually experience an expansion of God's conscious in your life, in any or all of these workshops, just raise your virtual hand so we can see how that is working. And I want everybody kind of just to experience that and see what's been possible through your work and your willingness to be open to this ever-present and merciful God. And I see a lot of wonderful and beautiful hands up in the air, and it just runs shivers up and down my spine that I could be a small part of that, and I thank you for that showing. You see, God consciousness isn't some sort of mystery, in a sense. we have ways of being open to the possibility of having our consciousness deepen and strengthen in God. And we've been talking about that the last seven weeks. We've been talking about powerlessness, the importance and the power around powerlessness. When we come to recognize we can't manage these things in our lives, and that when we try to control things. This is where the anxiety and frustration comes on as our deepest desire to control the things we can't control. The outcome of that is we're restless, irritable, discontent. Simple as that. When we learn to accept those things, all of a sudden, our lives are starting to develop more freedom. So I'm an alcoholic and a member of Agape group from Hamilton, Ontario. My name is John. My spiritual journey started on December 23rd, 1972. This is my 50th year of sobriety. Let me share you a little bit about myself. I haven't really talked too much about myself, And sometimes I'm a little uncomfortable what people think of me because I feel undeservingly and I feel like I haven't shared enough of my pains and my suffering to get me where I'm at this place. And I want to share a couple of things with you tonight that I don't often share, unfortunately. I'm 74 years old. I am on a worldwide adventure which I call complete joy. I'm presently in San Antonio, Texas. I no longer have a home by the way. The one could say that I'm homeless. Or you can say I'm a citizen of the world. I'm a traveling nomad living in different countries around the world, and as long as my health holds up, I'm going to continue to do that for as long I can. So both homelessness and citizen of the world are true�both are true. And for some unknown reason God has given me this platform to share with you some of my spiritual practices. I have to confess to you that I don't have it all together. People look at me as if I do, and it's my ego that says, keep quiet and let them think that. But in fairness and full disclosure, I don'T have things all together! I have fears, I have disappointments and discouragements and times I feel lonely and times I feel self-pity. All those experiences are true for me as well. I don't believe I can possibly outgrow that. So let me tell you what a current fear I have. I'm afraid of dying alone. To me, this fear is longstanding. And here I am in the exact place that I feared. I am alone. I live by myself. I travel by myself, and I do have two children and three grandchildren, which I'm not with them all the time. That's the reason why I'm in San Antonio, but I have this deep-seated fear that I'm going to leave this world and not be with anybody. So that's a fear I have. so it's not about me losing this fear because it's long-standing and it's interesting that i am at a place where that fear could come true but here's the difference friends because of these practices i do not let that fear define me i don't let it define me it's a fear it's nothing more and nothing less and if i really wanted to be conservative about that do something with it i would make sure that i'm with people either virtually or physically so what i do with that fear that's key so if you're the kind of person on your journey looking to have fear removed i was going to say to you good luck i've never i've ever found that solution but the beautiful thing about what we're doing together is what can we do with the fear i don't have to be engaged with it i don'T HAVE TO HANG ONTO IT I DON'T HAVE To CONTROL MY BEHAVIOR I don't have to have any of that. I could just simply let go. I recently joined another 12-step program, F.A., because of my food addiction. Therefore, I come to you as a novice and as a veteran of a 12-stepped program. Now, why am I telling you this? I want you to see me the way I am, not what your image says I am. That I struggle with addictions and it shows up in my life. I'm aware of many of them today and some of them are probably not. But I need to take action. so if anybody's here from a another 12-step group welcome welcome i identify with the addiction additional addiction to alcohol and i too am doing something about my secondary addictions so that's enough about me i felt that i owed you something to tell you a little bit more about myself but what i've been telling i've be getting right into the practices and so on we got a lot to cover tonight and i'm going to try to get it done in 40 minutes and hopefully i can do that so one of the first things we talked about for tonight's title is really about prayer. And we're going to pray together. We're going to pray in a particular way. We are going to come together in prayer. And before we start to pray, we want to prepare ourselves for prayer. So the habit might be that you just read a prayer and you're filled with all preoccupations and all the things that you've gathered up during the day or the week or the month or the years. And there's literally a little room for God. We need to do some plumbing here. We need to release some of the gunk that we carry around. So Anna beautifully prayed the set-aside prayer, but what happens sometimes when we listen to prayer, we're not really participating in it. It is someone that someone else is leading, and I wonder what's next kind of attitude. So now I'm going to ask you to stop in this experience as we metaphorically climb the spiritual mountain to encounter this God that we let go. And let go of everything. Any preoccupation we have, put it down. frustration anxiety worry upset life is not going the way you would like it just let it go for the moment i promise you no one's going to steal it you can pick it up on the way out any worry upset any concern or fear that you have just release it and let it fall to the ground let gravity do its job so as we empty ourselves and the Greeks called this kenosis it's a long standing human tradition of emptying oneself we become available we lean in we are totally present and now I want you to use your constructive imagination an inner sense that every human being has, a constructive imagination as we can create something. We want to create an experience with this encounter with God. So we're now on holy ground, friends, and we're in a sacred place, the thin place where the world of the Spirit meets humanity. I'd like you to consent to God's presence and say yes to the gifts in which love will present to you tonight. We're about to exchange our misery with mercy and the love of God. agree to accept the gift and say to yourself, I am ready. And as I pray these familiar words, imagine you're receiving these gifts in which we are collectively asking and allow the gifts to penetrate beyond your mind and into your heart. we are now ready to receive so good work God grant me the serenity imagine right now that you are receiving serenety open the channel of your heart and receive the serene which has been freely given to you to accept the things I cannot change. Receive the gift of acceptance that you can distinguish between what you can control and what you cannot. Courage to change the things I can and allow your true self to come forth. and the wisdom to know the difference. Thank you, God, for your wisdom. Now sit for a moment and allow these gifts which you receive to enter all parts of your body, mind, and soul. Fantastic. Now, we usually close a prayer with amen. Amen is an interesting word. It's a basic meaning of the Semitic root word from which is derived firm, fixed, or sure. And related to the verb also means to be reliable or to be trusted. the old greek in the old testament translated as so be it so in fact what we're doing when we say amen we're saying so be it we are acknowledging that we have received something so be it and as we receive whatever gifts that we received in this moment, so be it. Let's thank God for the gifts that He's just given you, whether you see them or not. Believe that something has changed. And I just, in the spirit of amen, express the short prayer of gratitude like, thank you. So you see, there's a series of things in prayer that I practice. One is preparing myself, is the emptying of self so I can become available and very deliberate that I turn towards my God and I'm fully available. This practice, by the way, is great practice for when you're learning anything, when you are having a conversation with anybody, is if you empty all that you think you know and you come as a dry sponge for an interaction with somebody, you're going to be amazed what you're gonna hear. Because the human brain dismisses a lot and deletes a lot when it thinks it already knows something. The brain is an interesting organ. It's always preserving energy. Why? It's because it has so much to do. It keeps us alive. So therefore, it doesn't waste its energy. It prefers to jump to conclusion. It deletes impressions or things that are stimulus that are happening to us. It automatically deletes it because it's preserving its own energy. So we want to overcome that a little bit and open up to the possibility that we want to catch all there is to catch. So we best come to these practices by saying, I don't know. So further to this, we're going to talk a little bit about step 10. And as I started writing about step 10, I started putting a lot of information here together. And I hope I have enough time to really wind this up as promised, doing a conversation, a short conversation around meditation. So the practice of step 10 is all about learning. It isn't about moral judgment. It's about learning, learning what? Patterns, behaviors, thoughts, feelings. My best suggestion to this, you have to take the morality out of it or you're not going to look very far because you're going to feel angry or guilty or resentful or shameful when you're looking at those experiences. What we want to do is to observe. Observe like a scientist. That's all. No moral judgment. We're just looking. And if we can have that kind of detached way of viewing our lives, you're going to learn a great deal about how you interact, what the behaviors are, what their motivations are. And you'll see definite patterns. Now there is a temptation to shortcut step 10. But not engaging in the practice of learning. See, most of us do it during the evening before we go to bed. Many of us are tired. So you can convince yourself easily what step 10 is a quick review of four defects. Was I dishonest? Resentment? Fear? Or selfish? Yes or no? Yes or no? And as you can tell by that, the way I just read them off, that that can be handled in about 40 seconds, 30 seconds. So I invite you to consider additional ideas here this evening. The better question might be is where have I been dishonest, resentful, fearful, or selfish? So you start looking a little more curiously into your activities and your brains, and were you selfish in the experiences that you had today? And very quickly, you begin to discover where you have failed or where I have failed. So what happens when we have a breakdown on defects, of character. They're pretty common. I think every human being can identify with each one of those things. Certainly, I can. So it's not a surprise to me that those things are going to show up. Matter of fact, I have to be prepared for them because predictably they are going to show up. So, what do I do with them when they do show up? So I'm perfectly imperfect. So I need to learn a strategy on what to do and the big book tells me what to do. So imagine a clock, if you like. This is the way I remember it. So draw a circle. And at 3 p.m., I ask God to remove them immediately. So that's the first position on the dial. It's not the time of day to do it, by the way. It's just the first location on the dial. At 6 p.m., I discuss them with another person. And at 9 p. m., I make amends where necessary. At 12 p. n., I reach out to help someone else. See, that's the cycle when I fail in those four areas. And this can be done quickly. You notice in here, there's no conversation about feeling sorry for yourself, or being shamed, or guilty, or remorseful. Those are things that happen when we're not in action. When we're in action and we're responsible for our behaviors, and we follow this four-part process, we get relief. So just quickly, I ask God to remove them immediately. Who's doing the work here? this is important to understand this is very important I'm not trying to fix my defects of character, I'm asking God to remove them you know why? I'm powerless remember? I'm powerless I discuss them with another person a step five repeat I discuss it with somebody else right away tell you what I'm doing as I shared with you tonight part of what I just shared with It was telling somebody. Now, it might be with 200 people, but that's okay. It doesn't have to be with a couple hundred people. It can be done with just a sponsor. It could be done mit a friend. It could been done with any... I get it out. I don't allow it to absorb me. Because even though I think I've let go of something, if I don' speak it out, I keep it. And in keeping it, it creates spiritual illness. I need to speak it out. I make amends. I do a step nine. Then I reach out and help somebody immediately, quickly as I possibly can. So really practice this dial because you'll be relieved of a lot of emotional concern and upset around those four areas of your life. dishonesty, resentment, fear and selfishness so why bother with step 10 I mean it's that fast it's not fast I can do this in my head at the end of every evening I can take two or three minutes quickly review my day and take my spot inventory during the day and I should be fine that's the way I used to think friends. Today, I sit down with paper and pen and do this inventory every day like that. This is an investment in myself. You see, what I had to understand, either the stuff I retain and I become unavailable to God, or it's the stuff that I remove. And the first place in making it to letting it go is the awareness invest in yourself you're worth it sit down with pen and paper review your day as an observer because you're learning you're learning about your patterns and default behaviors you're seeing triggers happening What prompted you to behave the way you behaved? And what reward did you get out of it? There's a three-segment piece here. Triggers, routines, and rewards. You begin to see how those three things show up. In each session I do this, I get to see myself better, clearer. you see friends the buddhists have a beautiful saying it's called wiping the mirror you imagine the mirror up close to you and what you're doing is seeing your image reflecting back but there's mist on the mirror. You can't see the image clearly until you start practicing step 10 and it's like wiping the mere clean and over time you begin to see the image as it really is, not magnified or minimized, just as it is. And once we become aware of our behaviors, we then can do something about it. Now this is the way I used to do See if you can identify with this. What is it I learned from the 10-step process for many years? I've become aware, I saw my defects of character, I worked on my defects a character, and then I finally tried to get rid of my defects of character. Is that something that you do? See, I spent many years playing God. It wasn't clear to me, it wasn't clear that's what I was doing. I thought I was trying to become a better person, but I was doing it on self-will and by false self. Today my process sounds very different. It's about coming aware, asking God to remove it, asking God what corrective action should I take, and then get into action. See, I have a partner in step 10, and this is how we expand God's consciousness. We bring God to all of our activities. We don't just do it on our own. We bring our partner, God, to help us, direct us, and guide us so we begin to see and discern what is actually there, and then we give it to Him. Step seven, we turn it over. That doesn't mean we're not responsible for it. we are responsible for, but our work has to be the building of character, not trying to eliminate the defects of character. Now one might think that's a very thin line, but it's a world of difference. See, I give my defects to God. I ask Him what corrective action I should take. I try to understand what that would be, then I get into action. And once I'm into action, guess what? The channels are opening up to have prayer and meditation. I'm no longer clogged with this idea that I'm full of guilt and remorse and shame, restlessness and irritability and discontent. I'm doing something about those things before I get into prayer and meditation. So I become empty. I'm forever giving up what is internal and I keep as a secret. Now, I don't stop there. See, step 10 to me isn't about those four things. Oh, it's part of it. But they're easily recognizable once you start looking. Those are dramatic and wayward behaviors. So I know when I'm being dishonest or I'm full of fear or I'M RESENTING. Oh, I know. But this is where the beautiful part of step 10 really kicks in. And it comes in really three places. one what could i have done better you'll notice in the big book page 85 it actually falls into step 11 but it's it's an inventory step to me what could I have done better so I take one experience I had today maybe it's meaningful maybe it was a small experience it doesn't have to be big it doesn'T have to BE looming and it DOESN'T have to be difficult. But I take one experience, and I ask myself, what could I have done better today? So for instance, if I had a sponsee call, and at my reflection period, I ask, how could that call have gone better? What else could Ihave said? What other questions could Ihave asked? did i get a commitment for some action or did i not did we have just a nice conversation is there a follow-up plan you see friends i'm very big in a plan of action and being held accountable because on my own i get lazy but if i'm held to account by somebody i'm more likely to do what I say I'm going to do. And after all, that is for my betterment. What could I have done better today? The implication is then yesterday, by the way, not when I drank. What could i have done better today than I did yesterday? What can I pack into this stream of life? You know, we're only in this earth temporarily. I mean, this is not a dress rehearsal. And I'll tell you, you get to my age, you begin to see, you know what? The curtain's coming down here. It's time to play life. It's not time to think about it. See, by thinking about it, what I'm doing is sitting in the stands watching the parade of life go by me. I'm thinking about It. I need to experience it, because I'll never have a moment like this with you ever again. This is special and it's unique. So I want to show up in the experience. What can I pack into the stream of life? What can I do today in this moment that I can give rise to my talent and potential as a human being, provide meaning and purpose for myself and for other people? What can And I always ask God, help me. Help me know what to do, what to say, how to behave. What can I pack into this stream of life? Then we start getting answers on how to be behave that is so far beyond defects of character. it's like you have to put on a magnifying glass to see where those dogs are because they're not in sight because what we're paying attention to is our true selves we're no longer paying attention to our false self in other words we're shifting our attention and lastly have I been loving and tolerant towards all See, these are words or phrases or sentences we have in the book that almost everybody knows about. We gravitate to this idea, and everybody can say to me, or I can ask the question, and what is that? And almost everybody in this room will say, well, that's our code. That's our Code. Really? What's the code? For me, a code means it's a place where I stand, and I'm willing to die on the hill for it. So if I believe that's my code, I had better be loving and tolerant towards all. Now, that doesn't mean I'm going to fail. It doesn't. I can predictably guarantee that I'm gonna fail. But first I have to desire, is my heart willing to be loving and tolerant towards all? And allow myself the room to fail and to ask myself, what happened? What's missing that I couldn't honor my code? Code is something that people will see and witness. they say, that person lives by this code. And if they pointed to me, would they be able to see that? That's what I have to continue to work and build on. The code can also include other things. It doesn't have to be just out of the book. We can expand on it. We could talk about loyalty, the honesty, faithfulness, and the willingness to protect and defend and support another member of our team. What's your code? What do you live by? How would people know you? How would they describe you? What do YOU stand for as a human being? Identify it and then live into it. You see, that's our work. That's our lane. It isn't about fixing our defects of character. We let that go. Why? We're powerless, but we have the power to actually execute on this code. Why? Because God has given us that. He's given us as a gift that we have that courage, the ability, the understanding to go out and be loving and tolerant towards everyone. So imagine if you would writing in a journal every day, examining your life like this and then adding what could I have done better? What could I pack in the stream of life and was it whereas loving was I could I improve my love for others imagine doing that day in and day out writing entries in there so what you're doing you're reshaping yourself and you're changing how you get to know yourself you see we alcoholics we think we know ourselves we know our selves in the false self this this this view that's broken and defective and weak, and all of these things. And yet we come to the spiritual program and what we get�the thing we receive is wholeness. All we have to do is practice the wholenesse to be whole. So on page 85, we're writing about alcohol. This is excerpts from about alcohol, by the way. I acknowledge that. But I believe it could include everything that we face as an obstacle. The problem's been removed. You hear that? You hear That, friends? The problem has been removed! It just comes. That's the miracle of it. So you don't make it happen. It just comes. We're not fighting or avoiding temptation. You see, we have entered into the world of the Spirit. We've entered into a new dynamic, a fourth dimension. We grow in effectiveness us an understanding, and sanity would have returned. We find this happening automatically without any thought or effort on our part. I'm not making this up. It's in the book. This is not hyperbole. This is a possibility. What we're doing is spending our energy and our effort in focusing on the defects of character when we should be focusing in on those three things that I just mentioned. The building of the character. And, of course, it is a condition as long as we keep in fit spiritual condition which is in step 11 and 12. and we learn to carry the vision of God's will in all our activities and we continue to ask this question, how can I best serve thee? I will not mind it done. You see, friends, like it or not, the master needs us. We got work to do. This is not about some moral perfection. it's not about having the perfect me it's about the imperfect me reaching out to other people and saying I care for you you're valuable if you want what we have and you're willing to go to any lengths to get it then you're ready to take certain steps and I'll walk you with that journey that's our work and that peace that willingness to reach out even though we're imperfect that we have defects of character and I continue to have I'm prepared to go beyond those things and not let them define me as they are that's not me I have those experiences but that's not me who I am is the person who stands for other people and to let them know whatever's in their heart, it's possible for them to do. That's who I am. This is what God's mission is for me, for meaning and purpose. So we're getting through this in nine minutes. Remember, friends, the Master needs us. So let us prepare to pray. Quickly, we want to recognize you're in God's presence and you're sitting, standing on holy ground. And we enter into this sacred space, we become empty and available. All the thoughts that we presently have allow them to fall to the floor. let gravity take its course allow yourselves to be totally available present and consent to God's gifts which we are receiving and as I pray these words imagine your life changing according to the will of the master and this is an excerpt from Thomas Martin my Lord God I have no idea where I'm going I do not see the road ahead of me I cannot know for certain where I will end nor do I really know myself and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I'm actually doing so but I believe that the desire to please you does and, in fact, please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you'll lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. And I will fear not, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. Amen. So be it. After tonight's workshop, friends, I will ask you to spend 10 minutes in resting in God's presence. Resting is the first gift of meditation. And as we continue with meditation, you're going to learn about unloading and finally the evacuation of obstacles. In meditation, we lift the manhole cover off the unconscious so that unfinished business comes up, grieving that hasn't been expressed. secrets that needs to be exposed, amends that needs to be done. We'll honor all of those things because by doing that we're going to be free to be our true selves. This is what happens in meditation, friends. So we're going to stay the course. We're going find our freedom and our true self. We're gonna go beyond our labels of our false selves. Go beyond images and rest in the macra cara, the vast openness space of the spiritual journey. Friends, thank you very much for your generous listening. We did get through it all, and I'm surprised we even a bit early. So I'm going to hand it back to the FOTUS people, and I'm anxious to hear your comments or your questions, which always gives me a great delight. Thank you. Thanks for listening.