Step 10 — Daily Inventory – Mark T. – Steps 10-12 Workshop – 2022

Good afternoon everybody. My name is Mark. I am a recovered alcoholic. Welcome to session four of our workshop. Actually not bad, not a bad turnout. So I know we started with 46 and I would have been quite happy if we would have finished all four sessions with half of that. and I think with the people that are online we're probably more than half so I think that's good it's wonderful so thanks for everyone for sticking it out um we do have at least a couple new faces in here so we're going to just start again with the set aside prayer dear God please help me set aside everything I think I know about myself my disease the big book the 12 steps the program the fellowship the people in the fellowship in all spiritual terms and especially about you god so i may have an open mind and a new experience with all these things please help me see the truth amen and the disclaimers same as before this is not an AA meeting this is a 12 step recovery workshop so there is no singleness of purpose in here today we will be talking about other addictions I will be referencing my experience to Alcoholics Anonymous because that is where I'm from but again the big book is used for a number of other fellowships and we will be discussing other addctions as well this is not meant as a replacement for one-on-one work with the sponsor ok the magic happens with one on one work with a sponsor we do a lot of cherry picking here just based on time we can't we don't have time to go through everything and again over a huge advocate of big book study groups where you can go through things line by line and get a deeper experience i'm also a big advocate of working the steps over and over and again right you know we're gonna be going through a lot of that today I guess you know every time I take someone else through the work yes who else is going through the me right you also it gives me a chance to have a new experience each and every time again we'll be using the fourth edition of Alcoholics Anonymous as a reference point you know I do read some other articles and I will make some reference from time to time to other literature but as far as working the steps go the fourth edition of alcoholics anonymous is always my reference point that's how the first 100 recovered and um that's where that's where we stick to again due to times constraints will be uh cherry picking certain excerpts out of the big book i won't be going through everything and then again as much as as much is anything that i am not a spokesman for aa i'm not a spokesperson for any 12-step fellowship I am going to be sharing my experience I did my experience doesn't jive with your experience and you're happy and you sober keep doing what you're doing give yourself a high-five right so what I'm gonna be doing is just sharing what's worked for me I'm gonna be also sharing as I have all along some of the challenges that I've had as a chronic relapse or seven years in and out in and I would in and how these meetings and what didn't work for me right and again i don't want to have this as an open forum of debate uh if you've done something with a sponsor that is different than what i'm saying we can chat about it at the break we can chit about it after the meeting again i i don' t want this to be an open forum of debates and you know this isn't how i did it with my sponsor or whatever it might be right today was we're gonna be going through steps 10 11 and 12 today I was up late last night I'm really excited about today I'm also a little bit more nervous about today mainly just I was going through things last night there's so much content here you know step 10 and 11 and twelve is just so much content this is basically where we live our lives now right it's pages 84 through 103 in your big book there's only 19 pages basically where you now live your life right pages 84 through 88 or steps 10 and 11 we're gonna be going through those today as well as we're going to be discussing some stuff in regards to step 12 step 12 is you know where I'm the most excited about it said I was up late last night trying to figure out what I'm going to be doing today and we'll once we get to step 12 as far as the workshop goes I'll go through this but I'm I'm gonna do a little less talking from the big book and maybe just kind of go off script and what I did is I was gonna go my top 10 tips on sponsorship and of course those 10 turned into 16 so but I just really want to share my experience because it's one thing I have done a lot. I do have a lot of experience on working one-on-one. I've made probably every mistake you can possibly think of, and I'm going to share some of that. But we're going to go right into step 10 here. Steps 10 and 11, you can consider basically emotional sobriety. They're probably the most two overlooked steps in our entire literature and and i think they're the most two important steps for emotional sobriety see a lot of people with you know years of sobriete or their spiritual malady comes back to get really uncomfortable in their skin you know five ten years sober people are contemplating suicide right you know it's like okay what's what's that all about uh if you do a little bit of digging um most of them have done very little if anything in regards to steps uh steps 10 and 11. quick review um so last session we talked about six seven eight nine we read the step nine promises last session so once we've worked the steps honestly up to this point we've done an honest inventory we're out there making amends right we've asked god to remove our character defects and we're in the step nine promises we'll be amazed before we're halfway through what have you become halfway through step nine amazed what else have you become though what when when you're at step 10 what are you now you recovered right you are a recovered alcoholic I'm going to talk about what that actually means today and what that doesn't mean okay we're gonna just jump right in this right into the big book here so step 10 is is basically the continued to take inventory so who has heard evening review as being step 10 okay that's what I always thought as well right evening review is not step 10 evening reviews step 11 so again rather than Mark's opinion let's go to the big book and see what the big book says okay I'm just gonna do a little bit of bouncing around and then I'm gonna go over it right from the beginning and talk about this. So over on page 86, when we retire at night, we constructively review our day. We're resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid, right? We're taking an evening review. How many of you thought that was step 10? I did for years. Go back one page. Bottom of page 85. Tells us where you're at. You're actually doing step 11 here. Right? Step 11 is evening review there's some confusion especially if you've uh used the 12 and 12 to work the step stuff there's a little bit of confusion there i think the 12th and 12th confuses things a little bit and i've heard a lot of old-timers refer to uh step 10 as an evening interview step 10 is as we go along in the moment we watch our thoughts okay again let's just go to the big book and see what the big book says page 84 second paragraph this thought brings us to step 10 which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along in the moment on the spot right not at the end of the day that's not what they're referring to here we vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past we've entered in the world of spirit our next function is to grow and understand and understanding effectiveness this is not an overnight matter it should continue for a lifetime continue to watch right so this is what we're doing we're continuing to watch in the moment as the day goes along for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear so here's step 10 i wrote this up on the board not sure if everyone one can read this or not. So we're going to watch. As you go throughout the day, you're beginning to watch your thinking. You watch your thoughts, right? You're watching for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear as you go along in the moment throughout the Day. When these crop up, what do we do about it, right ? You ask God to remove them at once. we discuss them with someone immediately and we make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help love and tolerance is our code so what to do right so here's what to watch for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear what to do you ask god to remove them at once you discuss them with somebody immediately, right? It doesn't necessarily have to be your sponsor. It doesn'T even necessarily have To be someone in the program. This is where it's good to have some some sober friends, right, make a phone call. It's like I'm experiencing some fear here. I'm experiencing some resentment here. You know, bounce it off them real quick. Tell them where you're at. You make an amend if necessary. So if I've done something to offend somebody or if I'VE done something that's completely offside, I don't wait till the end of the day. I don'T wait till following day right i make an amend right away and then here's what this book refers to over and over and over again is result we turn our attention towards someone we can help right helps us get out of our head that takes us over to the step 10 promises right again we hear lots of talk of the promises in our meetings uh especially the ninth step promises, which are what they are. They're the ninth step promises. My 10 step promises are indeed my favorite promises. I think we should be shouting these from the rooftop because it actually explains what a recovered alcoholic is and what a recovering alcoholic is not. So bottom of page 84 explains the step 10 promises or the definition of a recovered alcoholic we've ceased fighting anything and anyone even alcohol for this time sanity will have returned what do they mean by sanity it means that we're exactly right that's one thing it's that i've always heard around the rooms right restored the sanity mean thinking that i was crazy right i guess i was but what they're referring to here is the sanity around the first drink That doesn't mean we're still not a little bit crazy in sobriety, right? A lot of us are. I'm one of them, right. So what it is, it's restored to sanity around the first drink, right, the most insane thing that I will ever do is knowing the repercussions of drinking or taking drugs or whatever it may be, the Most Insane Thing That I'll Ever Do Is Go Like This And Put That In My Mouth, and I did it over and over and over and again. I'm restored to sanity within the first drink. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it like a hot flame. We react sanely and normally and we'll find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given to us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes. That is a miracle of it. we're not fighting it neither are we avoiding temptation we feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality safe and protected we've not even sworn off instead the problem has been removed it does not exist for us we are neither cocky nor are we afraid this is our experience this is how we react as we as long as we keep in fit spiritual condition right i can go to places where there's alcohol and I don't see it. The problem has been removed. I'm not cocky, I'm Not Afraid, right? I've been put in a position of neutrality, safe and protected, right? Now does that happen on day one? No, you got to remember where we're at here. We've actually worked the steps, we've done inventory, we're making amends, we are at a spot now where we have become into a position where we call recovery. If you don't want to use that word, I don't care, right? No big deal. But this is what it means, right. Put in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. I haven't even sworn off it. The problems has been removed. Like I'll go sit in a restaurant and I don'T see the liquor. I DON'T see it, which like that's, that's a freaking miracle. You know, I mean, and I've been through all sorts of, uh, hardship in recovery. You I've had, between years two and four, I had my mom die, my dad die, my uncle who was really close to me die. I had a sister, an aunt die. I had some friends die, right? All these different things. What I can safely say, and did I grieve? Yeah. Did I go through a lot of emotions? Yes, I did. I was devastated. But what I can safety say is not once has the obsession ever come back. For me, it was when I did an honest fifth step. Once I did that full, honest, 100% fifth step, that problem was removed. And it has not come back. Right? Now we're put in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. Let's read the next sentence, the next paragraph. It is easy to let up on our spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. Right? does not recover and cure me two completely different things what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual conditions every day is a day we must carry the vision of god's will into all our activities how can i best serve thee thy will not mine be done so i'm given a a daily reprieved based on my spiritual condition this is why we do what we do is to stay in fit spiritual condition. That's my job, that's not God's job. There are certain actions that I need to do day in, day out, to stay and fit spiritual conditions. So as a recovered alcoholic, can I get sick again? Absolutely, absolutely, right? I'm given a daily reprieve based on the work that I put into this program, right. I can't survive off a meal that I ate last week or last month, right? I don't ever want to be the person to say, oh yeah, back three years ago I sponsored that one guy, right, or I remember chairing a meeting three months ago, you know, it's like there's certain things, or i prayed six months ago you know or i wrote inventory five years ago, there's certainly things that i need to do day in day out to stay in fit spiritual condition right that's my job that's not god's job right does that make sense all right much has already been said about receiving strength inspirational and direction from him who is all knowledge and power if we have carefully followed these directions we've begun to sense the flow of his spirit to some extent and become god conscious right that see that's the whole purpose of this is to remove those blocks right those character defects so That I can get that connection. Lack of power was our dilemma. It's what the problem always was, was lack of power. But we must go further and that means more action. Doesn't say more thinking, doesn't say more emotions, okay? More action. Step 11 suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on the matter of prayer. Better men than we are using it constantly at works if we have the proper attitude to work at it. It would be easy to be vague on this matter, yet we believe we can make some definite, valuable suggestions. Okay? So this is the only part of the entire big book where it says exactly what to do each and every day. Very, very specific directions on what to doing each and ever day. All right? Just like the alcoholic, they start with the night first, right? I would have probably thought the morning first, but it starts with the night first. But let's just walk through it here. Tells us exactly what to do. When we retire at night, we constructively, highlight the word constructively review our day. The purpose isn't to beat the crap out of yourself, right? We constructively view our day, right. Constructively review your day. Here's the questions we ask at the end of the day, right, again, we just talked about it in the big book, this is step 11. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time or were we thinking about what we could do for others, what we would pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness and require what corrective measures should be taken. It tells us exactly what to do at night. And then it tells us exactly what we should do when we wake up. So just out of curiosity, show of hands who actually does this each and every day? Awesome, that's great. These are the very things that help us with God consciousness and emotional sobriety, right? Because I can get off, me personally, I can Get Off The Grid really quickly when I quit doing the things that I need to do. And I do this upon awakening. I've always been a little bit better upon awakening than evening review. Just for whatever reason, I'm a littlebit sloppy on evening review, I got some room for improvement there. But upon awakening, this is precisely what I do. I get up in the morning, I do the third step prayer, and then i do exactly what's in here on awakening let us think about the 24 hours ahead we consider our plans for the day before we begin we ask god to direct our thinking especially asking it asking that it be divorced from self-pity dishonest and self-seeking motives right so right as soon as i get up i'm asking to be divorced of self- pity um for me i've got a group of vultures at the end of my bed waiting for me to wake up each and every morning right like as soon as i open my eyes they're like we've been waiting to talk to you right and and it's always telling me bad stuff right it's telling me that oh yeah your girlfriend she's uh she's she's gonna leave you you know yeah she's screwing around or that guy at work you know, or the boss hasn't been treated you well, you know. Or that person two weeks ago, that share, that share was probably about you, you Know. So those are the vultures at the end of my bed when I open my eyes. Does anyone else have that negative self-chatter in their head? All right. I'm in the right room. Thank you. So that's me left to my own devices. So upon awakening, I'm asking God to direct and control my thinking and direct my thinking, okay again asking it be divorced from self-pity dishonest and self-seeking motives right so um under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties what it's saying is that under these positions with god's help i can actually start to trust my brain with assurance after all god gave us brains to use all right our thought life will be placed in a much higher plane when thinking is cleared of wrong motives. In thinking about our day, we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration and intuitive thought or decision. We relax and take it easy. So when we're not sure what to do, just take a minute, take a breath, stop, and say, God, please tell me what to doing. Please guide me. Just take a moment. relax and take it easy we don't struggle we are often surprised how the right answers will come after we've tried this for a while what used to be a hunch or an occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind being still experienced and having just made god consciousness or just made conscious contact with god it is not probable we are going to be inspired at all times we might pay for this presumption with all sorts of observed actions and ideas absolutely nevertheless we find that our thinking will as time passes be more and more placed in inspiration we come to rely upon it okay so it's telling us if with god's help i can start trust my thinking we usually conclude the period of meditation does anyone remember meditating the definition of meditation back in 1930s is very different than it is today right here's what i thought it's like well something clearly just got missed here it just told me i meditated i don't remember meditating because in my mind meditation is you know they eat east india where i cross my legs and i go like this i go home right which again nothing wrong with that in addition to but the definition of the 19 back in the 1930s of meditation was strategic contemplation all right so as i get up and i make plans for the day and this is what i got this is what i have i got my day timer and i'm making plans for the day and i am looking at the evening review from the prior day and if i have to move some stuff forward i am moving it to today i am strategically planning my day strategic contemplating that's all the big book is asking you to do that's the definition of meditation as far as the big book is concerned now do I do some stuff in addition to that? Yes I do and the big books going to tell me that's good and it's okay we're going to read that in a minute here but I've heard so many times I don't know how to meditate are you doing page 86 upon awakening and evening review then you're meditating based on our literature you want to add some other meditation in with that wonderful right i do that but don't ever do it instead of do it in addition to all right the stuff on page 86 is absolute gold um there's a group i got two groups uh 10 10 men each we do a check-in at the end of each day right just confirming that we're doing step 11 upon awakening and evening review we just got this group uh a text that just says the word done right at the end of the night it says done done done all these texts are coming in i see it right i'm like oh damn it you know i said i was gonna do this i'm gonna dothis but what it does it keeps me accountable right might be if you're not doing something like that maybe grab a couple of sober friends you know start your own little group text and and add it to that right start doing you know that kind of stuff right again i see the word done I grab my big book you know evening review morning meditation upon awakening those are the kind of things that keep me in fit spiritual condition all right where we at we usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that would be shown throughout the day what our next step will be that we'd be given whatever we need to take care of such problems we especially we ask especially for freedom from self-will and are careful to make no request for ourselves only we may ask for ourselves if others are helped we are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work you can easily see why if circumstances warrant we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation if we belong to religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion we attend uh that also to that also if not members of religious bodies we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principle that we have been discussing which i do there's some other prayers that i add in there right not telling me to do the third step prayer in the morning but i do right i do the 3rd step prayer in the mornig i also do the 7th step prayer at night. Sometimes I'll mix in the 11th step prayer, right? What it's telling me to do is each and every day without question when we retire at night and upon awakening, all right? So towards the bottom there, there are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest, minister, or rabbi. Here's a really key sentence in here. be quick to see where religious people are right make use of what they have to offer right so sometimes i'll read non-aa approved literature my big book's telling me that's okay right um i mix in some additional stuff i do some of that eastern meditation i think it's absolutely wonderful right be quick and be quick to see where religious people are right make use of what they have to offer between years two and four of my sobriety I was going to church like religiously steady right you know uh my dad had just passed away my mom loved going there you know so I would take her to church um what it's inviting me to do here is spirituality to be an ocean you know do I want to go to an ocean with a thimble and fill that up or do i want to go to an ocean with a big old bucket and fill that up right again it's it's keeping things open and roomy for whatever however you want to establish that relationship with god or higher power and might be a monastery it might be the church it might be the bible it might me you know could be so many different things you know? And again, it's inviting you to go be a seeker. Go try different things out, you know, try it out. In addition to, not instead of, that's the key thing here, right? Upon awakening, evening review, I do each and every day. Do I try other things out? I do, right, and I'll continue to be a seaker, you know. I love these different forms of meditation, you know like outside of what the big book's telling me they've really helped quiet my mind and help me establish conscious contact but i don't do them instead of as we go through the day we pause when agitated man what a key thing that can be i just did a tour of the uh the prison here with a good friend of mine a few days ago who runs it that place is full of people that wish they would have paused when they were agitated. Trust me, right? We pause when agitated or doubtful. We ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day, Thy will be done, right. That's like a miniature version of the third step prayer. Thy will been done. Thy will being done. I'm not the boss. You're in charge, okay. we are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry self-pity or foolish decisions we become much more efficient do not tire so easily for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to range life to suit ourselves the actor that wants to run the whole show it works, it really does you almost sound surprised here too it's like it works we alcoholics are undisciplined so we let god discipline us in simple ways which you've just outlined very simple right upon awakening even interview but this is not all there is action and more action it doesn't say there's thinking and more thinking faith without works is dead uses that line over and over in the big book love it right the next chapter is entirely devoted to step 12 so at this point i want to send around the seventh um and at this point i want to thank anybody that has helped with this workshop uh this has been tremendously beneficial to to me i especially want to thank todd for making such unbelievably amazing food And I also really want to thank Scott. Scott's been, we've had a number of people dialing in on or linking in on Zoom. So Scott's Been Handling All the Tech Parts, so yeah. And then also these have all been recorded. So if anybody wants to get a recording of these, you can shoot Scott an email. He'll send them to you. does anyone want to break five minutes okay let's do five minutes i really want to have as much time as possible for step 12 this is steps 1 and 12 or really where it's at so on here so mark recovered alcoholic um i forgot to ask is there any questions in regards to steps 10 or 11 is it all pretty self-explanatory there okay if you haven't been doing that start doing that and just pay attention to your emotional sobriety right just not drinking and emotional sobrietty are two very very different things and i know that personally you know for me my emotional sobriety can get off the beam fairly quickly through my thoughts you know and uh i i need help with this kind of stuff right and and some of this outside stuff you know be quick to see where religious people are right make use of what they have to offer uh some of these outside tools of meditation have been absolute gold for me right you know and i'll be happy to share some of that with you and i know that there's a variety of different tools being used out there but at bare minimum i'll start doing the stuff on page 86 and see what happens uh step 12 man this was uh i was struggling with this all last night there's so much material here so these are pages 89 through 103 in the big book uh it's called working with others and they might as well just retitle that how to sponsor because that's exactly what it is right what word is not in the big book that we use all the time sponsor right uh uses words like friend protege personally i don't like the term sponsor and sponsee because it's like big dog little dog right i mean this is uh this is a relationship it's a friendship um provided that they're going to do what they need to do um you know that relationship can flourish right but I don't use those words as much as maybe some others do. What I struggled with, there's just so much material here. I was going to go through the big book and we'll hit a couple of readings here. But I meditated on this last night and I was asking, you know, God or my higher power, where can I be most useful and effective today with the limited amount of time that we have? So what I'm basically going to do here is just kind of share my, again, I thought it was going to be the top 10, but it turned out to be 15 or 16 tips on sponsorship. Because that's one thing I've done a lot of. I've don't care to take advice from someone on an experience that they've never had. You know, I get tips on sponsorships all the time from people that haven't sponsored. you know i'm a uh for an occupation i'm a real estate investor there's a group that i belong to it's a group of real estate investors right and we all meet kind of like a community like this one and within that community there's some people with unbelievably good ideas and they're telling me what to do and what not to do right you know and then every now and then i'm like have you ever bought anything you know they're like well no but i've read all these books right it's like okay well again i'm i want to to hear from the person that's been doing this for a while. It's made all sorts of mistakes. That's been in the trench. That's full of battle wounds. I was talking about this with Neil the other day, right? You know, we've, uh, we'd been in The Trench. We've made lots of mistakes, you know, and, and what I want to do to maybe to share on some of those today and, and, answer some questions today on, on step 12. And I'll, again, I'll share my experience. If what you've done is 100% different than some of the stuff that I'm saying, and you're happy and you are sober, then keep doing what you're doing right. I'm not a spokesman I've never claimed to be an expert here. But the big thing is you got to remember why look back at your experience in the doctor's opinion, why did we drink? We like the effect right. do we sponsor for the effect right i like the effect of sponsorship alcohol didn't work for me anymore i needed a sufficient substitute right alcohol used to take away my fear it used to takeaway my anxiety that made me you know more courageous uh it helped me mix and mingle with society right for somebody like me and we discussed a lot of this in step one for someone like me to just stop drinking and not have a sufficient substitute it is like a form of torture right i am unbelievably restless irritable discontented in my skin the bedevilments that we talked about over on page 52 right trouble with personal relationships prey to misery and depression you know i need a sufficient substitute i sponsor for the effect uh one of the biggest paradoxes that I'll hear in these rooms often is I need to get well before I sponsor. And here's the paradox is you need to sponsor or help others, let's just say, in order to get Well, it happens the other way. Right? And this was really hammered into me with my, with my original sponsor, who is a woman out of New York who was really, really tough. And I remember I would call her with, cause I was, I always thought that your sponsors, your life coach and you go with them with all your problems and you check in with them and you ask them what color socks to wear and right. You know, they're really just, you know, there's kind of like this weird codependent type relationship. And i remember actually going through the steps with this lady and then calling her usually around relationship drama. That's what most of my calls would be it's where we'll get the most twisted up and she would say did you help another alcoholic today and if the answer was no she would hang up the phone on me right and and of course i would be angry because you know i'm highly sensitive alcoholic um but it taught me my way out of here which is working with others uh even prior to the first hundred and sorry the first 89 pages 124 times it makes note of helping another alcoholic or working with others they're not talking about you working with your sponsor they're talking about us as individuals going back out there and helping other alcoholics right prior to even finishing the steps over and over and over it talks about this. So the question is, and I hear this all the time, Candice and I were talking about this a little bit earlier. Why? To me there's two main reasons. Why don't people want to sponsor? And let's be really honest here. Fear. You're scared of screwing it up, right? And here's the deal. Sometimes you'll, I think a lot of this comes from thinking that sponsorship is more complicated than it actually is. If you look at what, you know, what we talked about, what a sponsor is and what a Sponsor isn't. The Sponsors to take you somebody through the 12 steps to get you connected to a higher power who will help solve your problems. Sponsor is not your mom, your dad, your higher power, your banker, your babysitter, none of that, right? What I don't do as a sponsor is I don' t try to run their lives. I don''t tell them who to date, don'' t tell them where to work, I don ''t go there, right? Because if I did, that would in essence be me playing God. Now if they ask me if I got some experience in a certain area I'll share that experience but by far you know the biggest challenge is around fear here's what my sponsor Chris says around that who's you can't screw this up it's already a train wreck right so and I believe that to be true as long as we're sticking to our literature we're keeping this simple do not try to be a counselor or a doctor or a marriage therapist or a lawyer and you're keeping this very, very simple. You're sticking to the literature, right? If I can direct them to a therapist, I will. If I direct them into a lawyer, I will. I can drop into a marriage counselor. I will, right? But I don't start getting in there and mixing and meddling. That is by far the main reason I see people not wanting to sponsor it as well as something else and and i think it deserves to be talked about why else do people not want to sponsor any guesses any maybe some experience go ahead time involved time yeah yeah yeah so where i've taught where i'm seeing a lot is people wanting to get wanting to help and getting burnt out by people who actually don't want to work right and that actually has been my experience uh when I said I've made every mistake possible as a sponsor 100% I have especially in early sobriety I wanted it more than they did right uh often we'll find ourselves chasing around people who really don't wanna do the work you know and I start taking all these calls in the middle of the night and suicide threats and all these different crazy things, right? And again, it goes right back to what we talked about in how it works. Do you want what we have? And are you willing to go to any length to get it? Then and only then are you ready to take certain steps, right? Now if I'm being used as a 911 hotline every time somebody's off the beam no absolutely not right if one thing that i've learned uh throughout and i've taken roughly about 100 people through the steps now right either in a sponsorship or a co-sponsorship position one thingthat i'velearned is i don't say yes right away if somebody asks me to sponsor them i'll say let's talk about that and then you get to decide actually if you want me to be your sponsor or not. And I'll quickly outline what that means. Here's what you're going to be doing. You're going to be writing inventory, you're gonna be honest, you'll be making amends, right? You're gonna help other alcoholics as a way of life. You are going to involved in prayer and meditation. And i'm going to outline the program quickly, right? I'm going make you accountable for, I'm gonna have you sign a contract right from the beginning. Now go sleep on this And then you decide, do you actually still want me to be your sponsor? You know, where I think we get bogged down and wore out and beat up is by chasing around people. And I'm like, let me help you. Let me helpyou. Right. And I was doing that. I was giving people rides and buying them meals and listening and trying to be a marriage counselor. Right. And, you know, after a while, I was just like wanting to grab a fork and stick it right in my eye. Right. Because it's like, holy crap, I got burnt out. if you follow what our literature says it's not necessary right you know i'll have the conversations with them i'll get them to a meeting but then at some point in time we have that very very direct conversation of this is what it looks like you want me to help or not okay um gonna hit a couple of spots in the big book and then i'm just gonna just share a few things in regards to sponsorship pages 14 bottom of 14 top of 15 this is about as powerful as anything in our entire book here my is everyone there bottom of14 my friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me faith without works was dead he said and how appallingly true for the alcoholic for an alcoholic for if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his life his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others doesn't say enlarging his spiritual light through prayer and meditation says enhancing or enlarging his spiritual life through works and self sacrifice for others he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead means stuff's coming your way it's part of life people are going to die there's going to be financial insecurity stuff's going to happen life's going punch you right in the face at some point in time certain trials and tribulations are coming your way if he did not work he would simp he would surely drink again If he would drink, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed with us. It's just like that. Tells me how to grow spiritually. So even when I'm out there making all these mistakes, working with others, I stayed sober. Bill Wilson, the first 32 people I think it was, I'm close. I might not be 100% right. There was a lot. The first 30 some people that he worked with, none of them stayed sober, right? He was actually getting very, very dejected and he was thinking about giving up, right? And then it was his wife who was, I think, a turning point in our program. His wife Lois said, she goes, but you don't understand, you're staying sober, right. Don't get attached to the results here. We're not the power. Now there was some stuff that he shifted in his program of what he was doing. He was leading with the chin. He was leaving with God and then he started to lead with the illness and he had much better results, right, He was talking about the disease rather than, hey, I found God, right? Again, our big book says that's like leading with the chin. My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping others, other alcoholics, to a solution of their problems. It was fortunate for my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half during which I found little work. I was not too well at the time. Here's a key part. I was Not Too Well At The Time. I was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment, right? I see that all the time. Waves of self pity and resentment. Here's a newsflash. If you want to build some self-esteem, do esteemable things, right, be of service, start helping some people, even if it's just, uh, you know, even если it's not an alcoholic, go down to the SPCA, walk some dogs, like just do something outside of yourself. I was plagued by waves and self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found that when all other measures failed, meetings, prayer, meditation, whatever it might be, when all others failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day. Many times I've gone to my old hospital in despair on talking to a man I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going. There's been a number of men that I've sponsored over the years that I have met on some of my worst days in recovery, right? That was one thing that Ann, my original sponsor, hammered into me. It's like this isn't about going to find somebody when life is wonderful, right. Again, that's that paradox. We get well by helping others. We don't get well and then go help others. And I remember going to the noon meetings at the time, right, and I would do this prayer that was taught to me and works unbelievably well I met a guy in Boston sorry, a guy from Mexico that's from Boston, the same way God please put someone in front of me suffering more than me look around the room it works unbelievably well right at least at that time you know, if I had gone to two or three noon meetings and hadn't found someone to work with i really just wasn't looking dustin you just met your sponsor here a few weeks ago right he was not doing well in sobriety he went to a meeting with a purpose and that was to find someone to help right and that's how you guys got connected you know it wasn't like hey i'm feeling wonderful today i'm gonna go find uh find someone to work for him he was struggling you knew that right he told you that and he went to a new meeting one day he found you right god please put someone in front of me suffering more than you more than me that was clearly you right yeah and uh and here you are right month later what is it 50 on two months awesome fantastic right you know but again live examples right he wasn't doing good that day there's many many days that i have not been doing good you know, who's had that same kind of experience you're doing terrible, you go and you find somebody in here, amazingly lifted up right awesome ah okay and that kind of just falls back into place with what kept Bill W. and Dr. Bob sober the very thing that kept them sober was working with other alcoholics as a way of life they made all sorts of mistakes along the way right you got to remember they were nine days and 14 days sober and they were actively out there trying to help other alcoholics did they make some mistakes sure they did right but they stayed sober you know where would we be today if they both waited the one year that suggested that you so often hear suggested where would where would any of us be today dead i know there'd be a few of us dead for sure i probably wouldn't be here I don't think I'd be a Latin, right? I don'T THINK THIS FELLOWSHIP WOULD HAVE EVER EXISTED IF THOSE TWO GUYS WERE TOLD TO WAIT ONE YEAR BEFORE THEY GO OUT AND HELP OTHER ALCOHOLICS, RIGHT? THEY LAUNCHED INTO A COURSE OF VIGOROUS ACTION AND THEY HELPED OTHer ALCOHOLICS AS A WAY OF LIFE, RIGHT. I THINK THERE'S A FEW TURNING POINTS, I THINK, WITH ALCOHALIC'S ANONYMOUS WHERE IT'S BEEN BETWEEN SECONDS AND INCHES, WHERE It'S ALMOST BEEN LIKE THE BIRTH OF ALCOAHOLIC'S Anonymous. you know some will say that it was when um roland hazard was with carl young and worked with them for a year and carl jung uh finally said to him it's like you're the alcoholic of the hopeless variety you need to go find a spiritual experience right the most revered psychoanalyst in the entire planet had the humility to say i can't help you bill wilson's white light experience in towns hospital someone would say that maybe that's the birth of alcoholics anonymous to me i think the birth of Alcoholics Anonymous came from Bill Wilson when he was in the Mayflower Hotel and he's struggling to stay sober and he got a bar this way with a bunch of loud people having fun and he is tempted and then there's a church directory over here right and he goes over to the church directory and he starts phoning different churches to do what talk about his feelings no right he started phoning church directories to find another alcoholic that he could help right the very last call henrietta cyberling right she's like i've been waiting for this call you know she was she'd been praying and she made the introduction to dr bob and then even when bill wilson and dr bob met with each other uh dr bob didn't actually really want to talk he's like oh wonderful another reformer trying to fix me and he's you know and that's what he said that to bill wilsom right he'slike i guess you're here to to fix my drink and he goes well no he you don't understand i'm not here to help you i'm here to help me you know and it kind of took him back a little bit right he's like huh i've never heard that before you know the 15 minutes he was going to give them turned into several hours and that was to me as the actual birth of alcoholics anonymous right you'll hear different versions of you know there's been a variety of things that lined up along the way you know i think god had his hand in this entire thing because there's There's been so many things between seconds and inches, right? That made Alcoholics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm going to talk about let's just hit page 89 here. Working with others. I just wanted to touch on one sentence here. Practical experience shows that nothing you can highlight and underline that word nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics it works when other activities fail it's kind of like an extension of what we just read over on pages 14 and 15 there was a a study that came out and i do like actual like studies and of there was a 500 alcoholics and drug addicts it's a bolt baltimore maryland study and what they did is they they followed a large group of people into recovery and they studied them they studied the actual results of um of their success and what they were doing and they broke them up into three groups the first group was people that just went to meetings and what they found is that their recovery their success recovery was brutal wasn't good and then they studied another group which was a group that went to meetings got a sponsor and did the steps. Now, while the recovery rates were better, they weren't actually that much better. And I was a little surprised by that. The third group was a group that went to meetings, got a sponsor, did the Steps, and became sponsors. That group had a 75% recovery rate. okay this is a well-documented funded sorry non-funded study right i can give you access to the article if you want to check it out now that also coincides with our forward to the second edition where it says 50 percent got sober at once 25 after a few relapses back in the second edition it's when people like the steps were not optional they were it's part of the deal It's what you're doing when you get here, right? That particular study really got my attention. You know, I had already suspected that. But what it's saying is that getting the sponsor and doing the steps is helpful if you want to get lit up. It's where the good dope in this program is. You know? Josh, you know, look what's going on with you and even the guy you're working with right now. Josh is lit up as Dustin's doing the work, right. Love it. Love to see it, you know. But this is where the good dope in the program is, right? Is becoming a sponsor. Now again, it doesn't mean we're enablers. We have to know when to say no. And the big book has some very, very clear language about that. When to drop somebody, when to stay. No, that's not what we do here. Your behavior is inappropriate, whatever it might be, right. sometimes having these difficult conversations so ah all right all that and i haven't got my tips yet so i'm going to keep my eye on the clock here i'll try to get us out here at a good time um just some top tips and again this pretty much everything in here can be reconciled with the big book i'm not going to be hitting the pages but i just want to be talking about them kind of like an off-grid type speech here, or some tips. So I approach the newcomer. I do not wait for the newcomER to come to me. Now we see those meeting lists go around. I did the math the other day. I think I've written my name on those meeting lists between maybe between 400 and 500 times. I've got one phone call, and it was a drunk guy after the bar wanting to ride home. Right? That's a true story. Now, if I wrote my name down on those lists and waited for somebody to call me, I would have sponsored zero people. Right? I approach the newcomer. Our big book tells us the same thing. We approach the man who's still sick. Now I always thought it had to be some like grandiose big book share. I mean, not to quote the big book. Just go up to the newcomer and say, hey, you look new. My name is Mark. Welcome. Would you like to go have a coffee? Right? You know, let God take it from there. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. You know? It doesn' t have to some grandiose big book quote. Just, hey. You look new? Go and have a cofie. Sometimes I trick them. I'll ask. What I try to do is I try to get their number. I know if I give them their number, they're scared. You got to remember where they're at, right? They're scared a lot of time. There'll be, you know, shoulders crossed or arms crossed trying to look tough. They're usually, they'RE usually scared or sitting right by the door. Um, I'll often say to him like, Hey, I listened to a lot speaker talks. You interested in listening to one? I'll shoot it your way. Oh sure. Guess what? I got their number right? I shoot him a speaker talk, he's laughing because that's what Damien did to you, didn't he? Yeah. And that's what I did to him. It's a little trick that I used to get somebody's number. I shoot them a talk, I have their number, and guess what I can say? Hey, would you like to talk? How are things going? Boom. Got some dialogue now. Works unbelievably well. Again, the book says over and over and over again, we don't wait for people to come back. If that was the case, I would have sponsored zero people. I qualify the newcomer I make sure they're in the right room okay I want to make sure that alcohol is actually their problem and if it's not I'm going to try to steer them to the right fellowship now a lot of people are both they're drug addicts and alcoholics as long as they're an alcoholic right um they're more than welcome to be in the room they're more than welcomed to be at an open meeting as well as an observer, right? But if they're, you know, if they belong in another fellowship, I have lots of names for people in NA. I have Lots of names of strong members in CA. I have some members that I know in Overeaters Anonymous. I Have members that I know that are in Gamblers Anonymous, right. I'll steer them to the fellowship that they most belong. They have much better chance of getting sober in there, right now can they be a gambler and an alcoholic sure right here I'm the guy right you know can they'd be a drug addict and an alcoholic sure but if they're just a just an addict and they don't have any issue with booze whatsoever you know I'm gonna try to steer them into the right room okay I outlined what a sponsor is and isn't we talked about that already so I don't need to repeat that right again I'm not a life coach my job is to take somebody through the steps have them have a spiritual awakening and then now my job is to be help them help others okay as a co-sponsor i do a lot of co-esponsoring right again it helps alleviate the fear for that person that's taking somebody through work for the first time there's like oh i don't know what to say and i don' t know what do right three of us can do it together you know until that person just got a little bit more confidence and they go out on their own and do it uh i see if they're willing to go to any links we talked about that quite quite a bit already i don't need to beat that up um but i actually do have them sign a contract in the beginning of the big book on the open page right there's an open page in the big book because at that time they're crying and there's snot there's tears and i'll do anything i'll and then the re the ego rebuilds and just a few days later they're like oh i got this i think I was just being too hard on myself, right? We do a contract right away. I, so-and-so, am willing to go to any length to recover from alcoholism. I have them sign it and I have him date it so that after a week or two, when they're unwilling, when they'RE whining about writing inventory or when theyRE whining abOut making amends or when THEYRE whINiNG about working with others, right, I can say to them, like, hey, what happened to the guy that WAS so desperate just two weeks ago, right ? I also want to try and shoot him through that spiritual window as fast as I possibly can. Okay? I do not believe in waiting. I do Not Believe in Taking Your Time. Right? Dr. Harry Thiebaud, he did a lot of work with Alcoholics Anonymous. He does a lot writings in regards to the resurgence power of the alcoholic ego. Unbelievable. The person who is crying and will do anything just to get a piece of sobriety. a few days later like no i i got this right again that spiritual window i want to shoot them through there as well that there's still a level of willingness either a they're going to get so uncomfortable in their skin they go back out or b their ego rebuilds and they're like ah no thanks right i'm not going to write inventory i think i just need to put the plug in the jug and go to some meetings right because that's what they were doing um again i talked about the speed already worked the steps fast about two to three weeks with most of the guys that i sponsor uh if if you did them slower and you're sober and you'RE happy wonderful again our founders were nine days and 14 days sober and they did the work the first 100 nobody did more than nobody took more than 30 days to do this work right over on page 263 we talked about it in the our very first meeting the founder of aa chicago says right in our literature three and four hours right it was the oxford group then i'll grant you six step program same thing no it's just an expanded we have an expanded version of that now did the work fast right again i believe that spiritual window where the ego is down the white flag is up shoot them through gotta go right do you want to rework the steps and get a deeper experience with the big book studies, sure, 100%, right? But you need some relief quick, right? No dependencies. I tell them right away, right, I am going to fail you as a sponsor. I'm going to be having a bad day or a group of bad days. I've got to say something that pisses you off. I will fail you as a sponsor. I want you connected to God. I, as a sponsor, I'm going to hold the sponsee's hand just long enough and God's hand long enough for there to be a connection. And then I let go. And then I'm there as a resource, right? If somebody wants to share some inventory or ask how to help another alcoholic, right, I am there as a resource but i'm not there as a certified life coach i will fail them as a sponsor or sorry as a well i will feel them as their higher power right um and again it doesn't mean i'm not there to take calls right you know if somebody phones me and says hey do you got some experience with this i'll share that experience right but i've not telling them what to do okay I let them know that my ultimate goal is to make them a future sponsor we talked about why not not for me not for Alcoholics Anonymous while both of those are great but for them okay you just talked about the odds of them staying sober and happy as a sponsor is much much stronger than if they're not right and again you know i'll tell them that right away it's like hey i am teaching you to be a teacher because otherwise it's just for them it'sjust self-serving yet again right you know I just want to get better and then I want toget out there and do my thing you know we see that a lot right people then they it's a revolving door in and out in and out me personally i try to have i try to be working with at least one person at any given time sometimes there's more but i'm usually trying to at least have one person that i'm taking through the steps at any giving time right and if i'm not then i put myself out there a little bit more and i offer to take people through the steps right hey you know you're looking for a sponsor you're looking for someone to take you through this work with or without that title I don't need the title of sponsor or not, right? Even if you're new, say, hey, I haven't been around very long, but I can show you what I know, right. I can work with my sponsor. We can show, you know, I mean, again, you can't screw it up. It's already a train wreck, right, you Know, you're not going to do harm as long as you don't try to run their life. As soon as we're completed the steps, I want them actively looking for someone to sponsor. I know the longer they wait, the less likely they will be to actually go out there with that level of desperation. Sought sobriety like that of the desperation of a drowning man. I want them looking right away. It's the very thing that kept our founders sober. Dr. Bob and Bill W., right? Again, their first two weeks of sobrietry, they're actively out there looking for people to work with. Meeting formats. i do try to steer them towards meetings that are solution based okay we have a tuesday night big book study here great meeting for learning the literature lots of great 12 and 12 studies especially want to learn a little bit more about the traditions and maybe a bit of a deeper understanding in regards to uh the steps right um i'd prefer to see them in literature-based meetings, as opposed to some of these open discussion meetings. Open discussion meetings are great for me to go find somebody to help. They tend to be a little bit sicker, right? But if somebody's really new to sobriety, what I don't want them to do is be lit right up, excited about recovery, go to a non-literature based meeting and just have some old timer that might not even be an alcoholic say no no no no you're doing it all wrong all you need to do is put the plug in the jug and go to meetings oh by the way do you want to see my 50 year sobriety coin right you know I've seen that lots right and they're like they come back to me just dejected they're like I think I'm doing everything wrong because this guy with 50 years of sobriery told me I'm dealing it wrong right I do encourage anybody to ask questions it's okay to ask questions in a non-confrontational manner if somebody says take your time somebody says there's no such thing as a recovered alcoholic if somebody says a variety of different things in a non- confrontational manner it's okay to ask questions which is thank you I appreciate it I'm relatively new around here can you please show me where it says that in the big book right you're going to start to decipher who knows the literature from those who don't please it's a good thing if you are indeed the real alcoholic that we identified in step one it is important to get some people that know their way around our literature and it's okay to ask questions right again i'm not going to do it in a fashion of trying to offend somebody i'm i'm actually genuinely curious please can you show me where it says that i'm still trying to learn it's Okay, to ask that. Three part solution I want them to be staying in the center of the circle and the triangle it's a promise I make anybody right from the very beginning if you stay in the centre of the circle on the triangle right you will there's no reason we'll ever need to drink again not only that that's actually where my emotional sobriety sits as well right just being dry and and having emotional sobriet or two different things when I call my sponsor that I have now Chris out in Texas okay it's the very first thing that he asks is, where are you in the circle, in the triangle? Plot yourself. How many meetings a week you get into, right? Are you starting the day with prayer and meditation? Are you finishing the day with evening review, right ? Where are you at in your amends? When's the last time you worked with a newcomer, right ?? I'm going to plot myself in the cycle, in the trial. More often than not, my problems aren't what I thought they were. I truly believe alcoholism and drug addiction to be the disease of perception. And I'm, how I perceive the world when I'm not in the center of the circle and the triangle is often very, very skewed, right? I get centered in the circle on the triangle and it seems like all the jerks just leave town again, right? You know, but when I've not centered, I'm flipping people a bird in traffic and I'm mad I'm just like, everyone's out to get me and screw me over, right? And I get centered again. Guess what? The world hasn't changed. I have. My perception has changed. I believe this to be the disease of perception. I don't shield someone's life from alcohol. That's doomed to be a failure. Let's read about that because that is a polar opposite of what some of the treatment centers are teaching out there. Okay, page 101. Second paragraph. I just want to touch on this real quick. I don't shield anyone's life from alcohol, and it's actually going to say that specifically in this reading. Page 101, second paragraph. In our belief, any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure If the alcoholic tries to shield himself, he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking if we have a legitimate reason for being there. It doesn't mean I just go try to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the past. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. I'm never sure what that actually meant. So, who had always... Who's been to treatment here before? Who's Been to Treatment? A little more than half of them. I have too. One of the big things was these trigger lists. Here's what my sponsor taught me is trigger is the name of a horse and it's dead. Okay. the main trigger for me was oxygen as long as my eyes were open i was triggered right now that doesn't mean i'm reckless i'm not going to tell a newcomer to go hang out in a bar i'm not going tell a new comer to go hanging out with some of your old drinking and using friends you got to remember where we're at in the book here we've already worked through the men's we've done the work we're here okay this isn't for the new guys like no it's okay go hang out the bar right no we put in the effort we put in the heavy lifting this is where we're at right and to me that's freedom i can go places that the counselors told me i'd never be able to go i've gone to vegas 12 times in sobriety right there's counselors out there that would make their head spin off right like no it's a trigger no it not right what it does say in my book though if i'm on shaky ground what what should i do avoid them yeah work with another alcoholic instead exactly yep exactly if i am on shaky grounds i actually go if i got a like i got a mexico trip coming up and it's it can be a little bit wild sometimes just with some of the atmosphere i'm in i crank up my service work before i go right because again lack of power was my dilemma you know i go to meetings when i go down there when igo to vegas i'm going to meetings in vegas it's part of my it's a part ofmy world when i goto mexico i'm goin to meetings but again any scheme to shield the person from alcohol is doomed for failure all right um page 96 first paragraph we touched on this already a little bit again rather than as mark sees it i want to touch on this from my book we don't chase drunks right not you know we'll we'll approach the newcomer yes but if somebody doesn't want what we have leave them leave them alone right that time can be better spent you know i can have one person suck up so much of my time that i could have been helping a half a dozen people that were willing page 96 first paragraph keep an eye on the clock here uh do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once search out another alcoholic and try again you're sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what we have to offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. one of us one of our fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects he often says if he had continued to work on them he might have deprived many others who have since recovered of their chance all right so what it's saying is if somebody doesn't want what we have and they're not willing to go to any lengths bye right i'm not sure how else to put it now it doesn't mean i'm not nice to him at the meetings i am but they're Not getting my personal time anymore forget it absolutely not i value it now if somebody's willing to do the work i will put my life on hold and bend over backwards for them right but only uh only if they're willing to what they need to do uh do not get attached to the results we already talked about that a little bit we are not the power all right i don't have the power to get anyone sober i do not have thepower to getanyone drunk So, don't get attached to the results. That was a big thing for me. It's like, especially the first few guys I worked with, they weren't staying sober. I'm like, oh, I'm no good, right? All that self-defeating attitude yet again. It's Like, no, I am staying sober, I Am trying, right, I AM doing my part. Give them a fatal dose of alcoholism. Again, this is where I think Bill Wilson was failing with his first couple dozen, three dozen prospects is he was leading with gods like i found god you need to find god right it'll help you right uh once he started to lead with the disease lead with illness and let them know they are suffering from a fatal progressive and chronic illness that they are 100 screwed based on their own willpower right then the results got a lot better many shared hope right explain what alcoholism is i'm not going to go and say hey i found god and you should too right good luck with that so um and the last one here i want to give them a basic knowledge of the traditions all right now this is after we've done the work and they're actually out there actively sponsoring alcoholics which again should really shouldn't take long i'm going to give them some basic knowledge of the traditions, right? I want them to know what an open meeting is. I want him to know where the closed meeting is, right. I wanted them to know what's okay to share, what they shouldn't be putting on social media, those kind of things, right, I want to give them just a basic knowledge. Some of that this is where I will connect them to the 12 and 12. 12 and twelve got some really really good stuff in regards to the traditions. The traditions illustrated pamphlet is absolutely wonderful um honestly my main teachers out there have been men and women who a lot of them are dead and a lot I haven't met before through speaker talks right they have I think God has spoke to me through these people that have been recorded if you want to learn about the traditions, write down Billy N. N as in Nancy. I've learned more from him on the traditions than everyone else combined. He's got some unbelievable talks out there on the traditions. He puts it in a fashion that actually keeps it exciting, right? Because I've sat in a couple of traditions workshops. I'm like, oh my God, I'm dying here, right. uh billy n does a really good job of keeping this exciting um and if you're going to listen to one person in regards to recovery i know there's some people that have their favorite favorite recovery talks mark mark h mark houston he's passed away now he sponsored my sponsor for 17 years mark h is is just he's got some great great stuff out there right if you haven't heard from him just go to aa speakers mark h unbelievable you can't miss with any of this stuff unbelievable. And as much as anything, what I want to hammer home is Alcoholics Anonymous needs you. It doesn't need another mark, right? I'm too abrasive for some. It needs each and every person on the firing line, right. Some people have a little bit of a kinder approach, right, AA needs you every one of us to do our part people that are dying out there of this illness and it needs us I'm just going to close this with, I think our timing is going to be okay here I want to close this with a bit of a poem that I struggled and I still struggle a lot with the concept of God it's something that's been a challenge for me my entire time there's a poem that really helped me with this and it's just three lines I sought my soul and my soul I could not see I sought my God and my God eluded me and I sought my brother and I found all three so I experience God through service for me I think trying for me to conceptualize God it's just too big of a thing to me it's still the God of my not understanding now when I'm working one on one with another alcoholic and doing my part in order to try and help somebody else I truly believe that's my connection with a higher power in God I love that poem, it was a game changer for me right I experience God through service any questions? I experienced God oh I sought my soul, my soul I could not see I sought my God, my God eluded me I sought my brother and I found all three or your sister again this is a different time a lot of the stuff was written right um just want to put it out there just for maybe a little bit of time for some Q&A. Any questions? Not a question, but a comment. One of your first tips was... Can you speak up? The other people are online. One of the first tips he says, you don't wait for an alcoholic. You approach them first and the newcomer. Well, I also approach a lot of people that are just suffering that aren't newcomers. Good point. It says the man who's still sick. a lot of the time the man who's still sick might be here three years, ten years twenty years we see a lot of people struggling in sobriety and I'll always put myself open to anybody I think a noose around so many people's neck, I think there's this hierarchy of wellness based upon our coin it's like well you know the person 40 is more healthy than the person 37 and the person 37 is more healthy than the person 32 right again it's that's not how it works right and sometimes I can learn as much from somebody in their first two years of recovery in Canada see other day in the recovery center she's lit up right lit on fire you know because she's just so excited about recovery you know when you're around here for a period of time sometimes that enthusiasm can kind of go away a little bit you know I can learn a lot from the people in early recovery even as someone that's been around here for a little while right yeah good point any other questions okay that brings us to their conclusion I do want to yeah go ahead I do have a question yeah so you know we've gone through the steps we've rolled away through that and we talked about the discussion meetings and and things like that sobriety doesn't stop when we're done these 12 steps like we don't graduate from this thing so you know what's uh let's open this up i have a discussion meeting here no um you know like how do we blend the going through these 12 steps and the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous because they're not one or the other like it's then my experience is both yeah they're working right I would agree absolutely I think for my experience on this is you've got the program and you got the fellowship and they are two very different things and they they coexist with each other very very well right to me the fellowship is like a safety net for a person walking on the high wire, right? Without the fellowship, the person falls off the highwire, falls, lands on the pavement, he's dead. The fellowship is there to catch us, right, it's for us to communicate, it' s for us to have a group of people all working together to support each other. The last thing we ever want to do is shoot our wounded you know we see that a lot too it's like you know there's lots i've been fired i don't know how many times you know people go back out and they come back after six months or a year right you know it's okay you know um i want to revisit the work right you know but i think the fellowship and it gives us a community right otherwise it's just me and god which is great but again i experienced god i think through human interaction and uh i think the fellowship is is essential you know um and we tend to find our our tribe you know um doesn't mean i i get along with everybody right i don't you know but we're all we're all here for a common reason. I don't know if that was helpful or not. There's one thing you said, he told me was when I was a newcomer I came to meetings to find sponsor and now that I'm a sponsor I go to meetings to find sponsees and that's how the fellowship blended in with the work That's my understanding that he taught me. That was what I found very helpful. Yeah, good point. And again, if I go to a meeting to get help, it's a very different mentality than if I'm going to a meeting to help because I'm coming in and I'm going to do a meeting. If I'm not going to go into a meeting to get help, then again, yet again, it's all about me and it's 100% self-serving. I hear it all the time. I'm not doing very well. I need a meeting. Oh, really? and people get through things that way right you know yeah and I think the meeting and the fellowship without them we may not have had a place to come I think it's super important to keep those going strong or otherwise where else are we going to meet the new people person on the street where do they go yep no 100% I'm big big fan of the fellowship right again where my challenges were in AA is I thought the fellowship was the program because that's what I was told right the two they are two different entities and they coexist and work with each other very very well right I'm all about silver barbecues and whatever it is right great wonderful We've got a community, right? I mean, that was a big thing. I was an island for so long unless I had whiskey in me. All right. So fellowship is unity? Fellowship is meetings, spending time with other alcoholics, hanging out with other Alcoholics. So basically unity, isn't it? Yes. Yep, 100%. Yep,100%. so what I have done is I printed out a step guideline that I use for anyone that's finished all four weeks here this is a step outline it's information from the big book that I've it's what it is it's about two different step guidelines that i took the favorite parts that i had from my sponsor and i added a few different things to it as well and it's an actual guide that i use to take people through the work right it's like okay when you meet the newcomer you say this and on the second meeting you say that and here are the readings you go through and it just a guide it's not blasphemy it's information from the literature put onto a separate piece of paper that's used to help take somebody through the the work. I've found it extremely beneficial. I printed 10 of them out.