Step 10 and the Tangible Actions That Stop a Resentment – Paige F.

off awesome all right i'm paige i'm an alcoholic and welcome everyone and where we're going to be kicking off is on page 18 so page 18 it's the second page and there is a solution and last week what we were talking about is emphasizing there isa solution we have one solution it is a spiritual awakening that happens as the result of the 12 steps but i always always always want to emphasize there is. We have a solution. We have one. There is one and what we were talking about last week on the page 17 is we're talking about this titanic metaphor. This idea that as alcoholics it is like that we are on a sinking ship and I'm sure we can all relate to that feeling like oh we are going underwater and our common problem is the sinking ship of our alcoholism. That I have a physical allergy that once I start to drink, I can't control the amount that I take. But also that I have an obsession of the mind. I have a thought that happens when I am as sober as I am today but my illness is untreated that takes me back again and again to that first drink despite the fact that it is ruining my life and that is our common problem. But that does not hold us together. There's not enough space on the door. That's a reference to the movie Titanic with Jack and Rose. If that's all we have is our common problem. But we also have that common solution, our common solution being the spiritual awakening. But We also need a way to get there, a way that we can join in brotherly and sisterly and siblingly harmonious action. And that is the 12 steps. So on page 17, what we're looking at was what our problem is, physical allergy, mental obsession, what our solution is, a spiritual awakening and how we get there, which is the 12 steps. That's our program of action. And so that's what we're doing. And now let's dive in page 18. So it says an illness of this sort. And what a radical idea that this is an illness, that I am not bad, that i am not weak, that I'm not immoral. And we're going to talk about this. I am ill, an illness of the sort, and we have come to believe it. An illness involves those about us in a way that no other human sickness can. If a person is cancer, all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt, but not so with the alcoholic illness. For with it goes annihilation of all the things worthwhile in life. So my illness, my illness which is my alcoholism brings about annihilation of everything that is worthwhile in life has that been my experience and when we talk about the annihilation the visual that always comes to mind to me is like the atomic bomb. If you've ever seen any videos of like atomic bomb testings or anything like that where you just see the bomb gets dropped and it levels it levels everything to the ground and there's nothing left that is annihilation that's what this illness does and then it says it engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferers anyone who's close to me anyone who near me is affected by me man is engulfed by the pain of my illness and the suffering of my illness that is alcoholism. And, you know, I just, I feel what happens is I have thoughts in my mind and then I don't filter them. And so I'm going to tell this story because the filter thing is broken. Um, and as I was talking about the annihilation of like all things worthwhile and, and all lives who touch the sufferers, you Know, I think that mushroom cloud that just expands and grows. But I remember one of the places that my alcoholism took me was homelessness. And I was homeless living on the streets of Calgary, and I don't talk about that too often to be honest with you. And the reason I don' t talk about it is because if you're like me, you'll hear that and you'll think, I wasn't homeless. I wasn' t homeless in Canada. And you'd be looking for all the ways that you're not like me. And homeless does not make me alcoholic. might make me a difficult roommate, but does not make me alcoholic. What makes me alcoholic is once I start, I can't control the amount I take. And when I try to stop, I can't stay stopped on my own power. That is what makes me alcoholic. But I remember I was living on the streets of Calgary and I would sleep under this underpass where there was a pedestrian underpass. And I remember one morning there wasa woman and I didn't know her. She came up to me and she said, I was so worried about you. I hadn't seen you in a while. She obviously knew who I was based on me sitting there panhandling because I'm classy. But you know what I mean? She was worried about me. All whose lives touched the sufferers. You know, I couldn't even tell you her name and she was worried about Me. That's the power of this illness. Now, one of the things if you and please do hang around keep coming to this study you will realize that I'm codependent I am codependant as heck and I don't want to hurt other people and I just I'm going to point that out to lean into the like the power of this illness so it says uh it brings misunderstanding fierce resentment financial insecurity disgusted friends and employers warped lives of blameless children sad wives and parents anyone can increase the list page 18 for those that just joined is that my experience that the result of my drinking my inability to control the amount that I take and my inability to stay away from the first drink. Did that lead to misunderstandings? Did that leave to fights, arguments, fierce resentments with financial insecurity, spending all the money, pawning all the things, not able to hold down a job? Is that my experience? And what I want you to know is I don't want to be that person. And you might be like me. I didn't want to hurt those people that I hurt. I didn't want to break the hearts that I broke. I didn't want to betray the trust that I betrayed. I don't want to disappoint people. I was joking with this fancy earlier. I'm like, validate me. You know, I don' t want to be that person. But that is the power of this illness. It turns me into somebody I do not want to beat and to do things that I do not want to do very simply, which is to say, take that first drink because I know it's hurting you and I don''t want to do it again and yet I do it again and that is the power of this illness. And that's also, I think, why we struggle when we come here and we hear it's an illness. No, no. No, it couldn't be an illness but this is a radical idea in 19... published in 39 sort of brought about and written 38, 37. There's an article in 1937 in Lancet, a medical journal, but this idea that alcoholism is an illness was a radical idea and how radical it felt to somebody like me because I'll tell you what, I came here and I just thought I was broken. I just though I was bad. I thought I was a piece of garbage that didn't belong, that didn t fit in, that there was something inherently wrong with me and man I wanted to be good. I wanted this person that I just could not be. That is the power of this illness. And it says we hope this volume will inform and comfort those who are or who may be affected. There are many." And when it says inform and comfort, there's that old saying, I feel like it's Sandy Beach, but it might be a Clancy Eye, could be a Chuck C. I stole it from somewhere. That idea that our job is to comfort the disturbed and to disturb the comfortable, you know? Yeah, that's what I'm here to do. That's what we're here to. And there are many who are affected by this illness. And it's important for me to understand, of course, if I have this illness, I am affected. But those who love me, those who care about me, they are too also affected by the illness. One of the biggest lies I ever told was that I was only hurting myself. And there's a stranger that I had never spoken to before who is worried about this 18-year-old homeless alcoholic crackhead. I don't know who I can affect with my illness. Now by that same token, I don t know who I can effect by my sobriety and who I could help. But that's why we have some of the later chapters for those who are as bound to the alcoholic as the alcoholic is bound to alcohol. For the family, for the employers, for those who are affected. And so what we're trying to do in this chapter is to give the information of what does it mean to be an alcoholic and what is the solution to this illness. So it goes on to say, highly competent psychiatrists who have dealt with us have found it sometimes impossible to persuade an alcoholic to discuss his situation without reserve. What's been my experience? Did I see doctors, counselors, treatment centers, you know, psychologists, psychiatrits? Did i see these people in the helping profession and was i rigorously honest with them yeah I'll tell you I wasn't they were getting the whole truth I'm gonna I'm going to just ruin your day a little and I apologize in advance did you know that they know they the doctors and nurses and stuff if they suspect you of alcoholism do you know what they do they take the number that you give them and they triple it. Rude! Who told them which one of you is squealing? You know what I mean? Like, that's, I'm not being fully honest with them. And I'm like, no, no. It's got to be this other thing. Why don't we have a look at this other things? Not my alcohol use, you know, like let's not have a good look at my drinking, right? And it says, strangely enough, wives, parents and intimate friends usually find us even more unapproachable than do the psychiatrist than the doctor. So the people that are closest to me are the ones that I have the biggest walls around. Do you know what I mean? It's like oh if my mom can't tell me nothing about my drinking, you know, my family can't tell me anything because I don't want to hear it. You don't know and I am trying to keep it a secret from them. Did you know that hurts them? I didn't. It hurts them because they can see, they can SEE that something's wrong. They can see that like, man, they CAN see I'm done and I can't be honest with them. But this is an idea, page 18, that we're gonna see when we go to page 90-91. We're not going to bounce around today but page 9, well we might, but not here. Page 90- 91 when it talks about working with others and working with other is it's like hey an alcoholic not always the most open to hearing things from their family and then when we get to the chapter two wives that same idea is carried through where it's hey alcoholics don't hear it from those closest to them for whatever reason we got our defenses we got her hackles we got our walls we got on our masks I can't hear but now but I almost I I almost buried the lead. I almost said the thing. I almost spoiled it. I will read it and it will say the thing that I was going to say. All right, so it says, but the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, this solution is a spiritual awakening as the result of the 12 steps. This solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself. to be properly armed with facts about myself is to be able to share with you from my own experience what the allergy looks like, what the obsession looks like and even though I'll you know what I'll say it's not diagnostic of alcoholism so I cannot diagnose an alcoholic based off this I'll tell you it's helpful to share my experience with the spiritual malady. That is helpful so I can share with that's what it means to be Properly Armed and Properly Arm with Facts also about the solution and the program of action. So armed with facts about himself can generally win at the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. It doesn't take long. And it says until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished. And so what that means is doctors, I can't hear them. Psychiatrists, I Can't Hear Them. My family, absolutely not. I'm not open. Somebody talking down to me on a moral hilltop, man, you tell me what I got to do. Ima do the opposite. And I'm a rule follower. You know, I want your approval so bad. But if you're like, you have to, I'm like, no, no. No, don't tell me what to do like it's still in me is that I had somebody the other day, like couple weeks ago was like, tell me three things you're grateful for. And it was like oh, I felt that don't know what to do? I did eventually do it, spiritual growth, but I was like oh the resistance you know don't tell me what to do. But who am I open to? I'm open to you. I'm open to people who have done what I have done, who have been where I have been, who have experienced what I've experienced and who have found this way out. Those who have a message of depth and weight that is who I am open to. And you see where there is a solution. And what are we talking about? We're talking about sponsorship, who I need to be to work with others, like my responsibility. My responsibility is now going to be as soon as I am able to carry this message to others. And man, I can hear it. I can hear it from people who have this message of depth and weight. And what we're getting into in the bottom of page 18, the very bottom paragraph is what people in parts of Canada, not the parts of Canada where I'm from, but a different part of Canada. It's a big old country. They call it the sponsorship contract and so we're in still the information about step one and what we'RE going to glean at the bottom page 18. Welcome, glad you're here. What we'RE going to glean is the directions for who I need to be to work with others. That's what this is about. So sponsorship is a part of the deal. I get the spiritual awakening and I go help others, that's a part this thing. So it says that the man who is making the approach. Oh no! I've got to approach? Right? Like who here came with social anxiety? What do you mean I've got to talk to other people. So for me, as somebody who has recovered, as somebody who's gone through these steps, as someone who is living in the fourth dimension, I have a responsibility and that responsibility to those who are new who are struggling, who are coming back is to approach them, is to approach them. I don't want around to be asked and to be fair people do ask but like this is what I tell my sponsees, we've got to at minimum we're on zoom you don't even have to wear pants uh preferably if you're not wearing pants camera up or camera off but you don t even have wear pants it is so so easy the very minimum that i can do is reach out to somebody in the chat give them give them my number but more important than that see if i can get their number i've got to make the approach I've got to reach out to them. Does that make sense? And sometimes it's like, oh, but if they want what I had, I didn't know what I needed when I got here. My head was in an orifice. Get what I'm saying? My head went somewhere. I couldn't tell heads from tails because head in orifice, you know what i mean? I didn' t know what needed. I didn''t know what I wanted. I d'nt know what the solution was. I needed help and I was drowning and so I've got to make the approach go ask them go reach out to them go and it doesn't even always have to be for sponsorship go ask if they're new go ask some if they have a sponsor when uh let's see if I can grab it quickly when I'm at an in-person meeting one of the things is I have no I can't grab it quick like I have stickers of the cycle of alcoholism I've screen shared that a number of times and when I met an in person meeting if there is somebody that is new I will say do you have a sticker and they'll be like no and I hand them a sticker then it becomes a conversation starter so I get I get to ask them about it do you have a sponsor do you a big books a good place to put your sticker do you have one of those and I can start the conversation I've got to make the approach and and what I will say is if you would like stickers I will mail you stickers I will mail them for free you don't have to give me any money I'll pay postage I will send you stickers in the hopes that you hand them out so I'll send them you get to keep some and then hand them and then yeah we make the approach any that so the man who's making the approach I am somebody that would stop and go on a tangent mid-sentence I'm not even waiting for that period but the man who is making an approach has had the same difficulty that he obviously knows what he is talking about. So that's when we talk about a message of depth and weight, that's what I need to have. That I know what I'm talking about and of course I know I'm taking about from experience. My experience is what carries weight. My experience of course with the allergy, of course, with the obsession can be helpful to talk about my experience with the spirituality but also my experience, with this spiritual awakening and the experience that I have with the 12 steps that's what I have to offer is my experience and that is like obviously knows what he is talking about that is a message of depth and weight and this line that his whole department shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer I can get enthusiastic and I can get loud but I promise my job is not to yell at you no yelling but I'm not the one that's meant to do the shouting even if I get a little enthusiastic what does the shouting my deportment my deport ment is the light that is on and in my eyes worth of like the more comfortable talking about you than me but the light is on in our eyes the hope that fills our spirit you know that way in which I carry myself the way in which I live my life. My deportment needs to shout that I am somebody who has a real answer and I have that responsibility. I have that responsibility to those who are new, to those that are relapsing, to those who coming back or to those that have been around this thing a while and they've gotten dry and it's gotten old and they're in pain and they are suffering. I have a responsibility to them and that responsibility is to work these 12 steps with such vigor, with such velocity and with such intensity that who I am is profoundly different in a positive way. I promise you. I'm meant to shine God's light so bright that you cannot deny that there has been a change that has happened to me. I am not there to tell you what to do. I'am there to be a demonstration of this power working through me. A God, a light, a power that is not myself, that is not me, a Power working through me, that is what I am called to do and to work these 12 steps in such a way that change is undeniable. That's what I'm called to. Not just don't drink, not just I'm sober. No! To be a living demonstration of this power to those who are stuck in the darkness that do not know that there is a way out. that's what I'm called to. That's what my book tells me to do, you know? Deportment shouts. My deportment shots. You know, there's, maybe you guys have had this experience. I know, probably not, but you know how there can be some cranky people in Alcoholics Anonymous? I know. I know where do you find them? You know they're a little, little curmudgeonly, a little. You don't want to have a cigarette next to them because you're afraid like if you do it'll go up like kindling like oh only you can prevent forest fires you know uh like oh i know we've never met anyone like that uh you know when they you know and somebody like that tells you what to do girl i don't want what you have you know what i mean like and especially if they're like telling me to take a spiritual action because let's be honest the spiritual actions are not appealing to me before I've taken them. At no point in my natural existence was I like, oh boy, inventory sounds like fun. A fifth step? I can't wait to do that. A quiet hour, six and seven? Delightful! Amends? Even to my ex? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Prayer meditation, the word God? I've got no issues with any of those. Working with others? Who wouldn't? Alcoholics, they're so patient, tolerant, punctual. You know what I mean? Like who wouldn't want to do that? You know? No, this all goes against my natural instinct. So if there's somebody that's miserable that's telling me to do the steps, I don't want any of that, you know? So I need to be called to be a demonstration of the power of these steps. So deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of holier than thou. And that's important, shoulder to shoulder. And I really mean that, shoulder-to-shoulder, we're commencing on the spiritual journey. I'm no better than anyone who hasn't done this work, and I'm not worse than anyone that's oh man, I can't remember what you called her, but you're Polly P at the, you know, I'm no worse than her, that we are equal. You know, shout out for the ladybug roundup is what I was trying to do, but I couldn't get the thoughts in order. Right? Like those who are further on the path, I'm not worse than them. Those that are newer along the path. I'm know better than them or even those that aren't on the past. We are all equal. And that is the attitude, which is helpful. That there are no fees to pay. Thank goodness, because when I work with my sponsees, I work hard. I'll tell you, because we're talking about sponsorship, I'll tell you how I like to work with myself. This is not always possible, but how I like to sit down with them for an hour or two if they'll sit that long. Every single day. To go through the book line by line to have a line by line experience when there's an action we take in action i sit with them as they write inventory i sit with them you know obviously for the fifth step i sit with them as we make the amends and i help them make it together that is my preferred way of sponsoring to go hard to go rigorously at this thing because because i found it effective to be honest i'm not saying it's the right way i'm not saying it's the only way and there's sometimes i don't have people that will stay sober long enough to make the week that it's going to take to get through step one, two, three. And that's, that's reality. So we got to move faster than that. That is how I like to sponsor. That Is not always possible. That is not always feasible and that is not the right way to sponsor, that is not the best way to a sponsor. It's just how this silly little drunk likes to do it because I found it effective. But could you imagine if I told you that's how I wanted to meet you to go through the steps and I was charging money? You'd be like whoa whoa whoa I see what you're doing here I see right like if I'm charging money oh so there's no fees no dues and and what a beautiful thing that in 2024 the fact that I wouldn't pay a sponsor the factthat I don't any contributions that I make are completely voluntary in terms of the seventh tradition what abeautiful thing and what it like foregone conclusion at no point are we like oh it's it's like it's obvious it's free there was a time where that was not obvious like do you know what I'm saying like what a beautiful what a BEAUTIFUL principle I'm also very cheap and I don't like to pay for things so that works well for this silly little drug that there are no fees to pay no access to grind so you don't got it you don' gotta join on me on this argument whatever argument that I have you don't have to agree with me about everything you know what I'm saying no people to please oh thank goodness oh thank good no lectures to be endured and we mean that but I will say if you're coming to this study you might have to endure a tangent or two you know that might have to be in door and it says these are the conditions we have found most effective And I look at my sponsorship through that lens. What do I want to be is effective? I can't carry the message to everyone. Not everyone's going to hear it. Not Everyone's open. You know, people are open when they're open, but if I'm not being effective in sponsorship and there's times I've had many years where I was not as effective in sponsorship as I could be. And again, I want to emphasize, I'm not doing it right. I'm just doing it. It's grown. It changed based on what was working and what wasn't working. So if you're like, man, I don't feel like I'm being effective. Here's what not to do. Be mean to you. Shame yourself. Anything like that. It is like let's try something different because this book, what we're talking about is effective helpful not fixed managed safe cure you know so and it says after such an approach many take up their beds and walk again and that is that is a reference to the bible it is a real it is of religious reference I believe in the 1930s some of those references would have also been more commonly used in uh like in like modern language do you know what I mean? Like people would use that as an idiom or an expression that people would reference. But I want to talk about what the original reference to that, and keep in mind, I am not an expert. I haven't studied. It's just a little bit of information that might not be fully correct in my brain. But the original story in the Bible is it refers to many take up their beds and walk again. It was a story of a man who was paralyzed, who was living where a lot of the disabled people in the community lived by this pit of water. And what would happen in the story is that an angel would come down and stir the water, and whoever was the first person in the water, they would be healed. I don't know why you couldn't go for two or more stirs, but you know, the firstperson who would make their way in would get healed. And then there was this paralyzed man. He's paralyzed. He could not, he could not possibly make his way into the water first. And what happens in the story, in the parable is Jesus comes and he heals this man. And for like our purposes, we don't have to believe in religion. We don't, if you're hearing about that, it makes you go like, it would me too. Like I just want to gleam the meaning of the story. And the meaningof the story is those who are least likely to be healed. He couldn't make his way into the water. He was fully paralyzed. Those who are the least likely to be healed get healed. That's the message for us that I don't think I can be healed. I think I'm broken beyond comprehension. I can't get sober. I want to get sober, but I can'T get sober we get well. That'S the message from that little idiom or expression. So none of us makes a sole vocation of this work. Now, for our purposes, we'll use vocation as paid employment. And it says, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. I promise you, I would not be more effective if I was paid to do it. In fact, well, here's my experience. If I was payed to do this, I'd be great for a while, and then I'd be like, Vivian's getting a little short on the strip. I mean, I think I'm worth more than that. You know what I mean? I would, I would be catching resentments. I'd be like, am I getting overtime? You know, I would get into that place with it. I'm not more effective if I'm, if I'M a paid professional and it says we feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning is, but a beginning. I do have to start with sobriety because I got to start there, but here's a radical idea. Sobriety is not a solution to my alcoholism. Sobiety is not a Solution to my Alcoholism. When I got here, that was it's like, what? Because all I thought I needed to do was get sober. All I thought I need to do with stay sober. But part of my illness is the physical allergy and the physical allergy can be solved by not taking a drink. But what's the second part of My illness? The obsession of the mind that compels me back again and again and again to that first drink. And if all I am is sober, and I have alcoholism, I will be drinking again. I will be compelled to take that first drink against my will. Sobriety has to be a beginning because I got to start there. But it's not a solution for alcoholism. So it says, a much more important, and i love this demonstration i am called to be a demonstration not to tell you how great i'm doing not to say look at me i'm this this length sober but to be demonstration of our principles and i take this view of the spiritual principles that's a little different than other people and if my view is different than yours you are right i really want to emphasize what if what I say, you're like, no, I see it differently. You see it right. I see it wrong. I really want to emphasize this. But for me, the spiritual principles or the principles are not these intangible ideas like hope or faith or courage or tolerance ever and I use this one a lot, ever been stuck in a traffic jam and try to pull tolerance out of nowhere? Do you know what I mean? I can't do it. For me the principles are instead the tangible actions of the 12 steps. Oh, I can demonstrate that. I can illustrate the tangible action of the twelve steps in all my affairs. A much more important demonstration of our principles. I can demonstrate these actions. When I have a resentment, I can do a tenth step. I take it through the columns. You know, I pray, take it though the columns as I call someone you know what I mean like tangible actions that I can do tangible actions that i can take that allow me to be a demonstration and then of course what flows through is those intangibles the love and tolerance and hope faith and courage you know what I means like that follows but I have to start with the actions so a much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes occupations and affairs and what that, what does that mean? It doesn't mean, oh we have affairs. No, it's not what the book is goes on and don't do that. What the book is saying is that it is not, I've been talking about this a lot so I apologize if you've heard it a lot. It is not that I have my little Alcoholics Anonymous basket over here. Here's my little AA where I do my AA and then here is my occupation basket where I do my job and here's my family basket. And here's all my affairs, like my hobbies and my friends and my, you know, maybe civic duties and whatnot. Here's that basket. No, it is not a separate thing. The 12 steps is how I live all areas of my life. I bring them into all areasofmylife. That's what we're talking about. And then it says, And I want to emphasize all, all, so all of us spend much. I'm going to emphasize All and Much. All and much. Much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. The effort they're describing is 12-step work. and so all of the first 180 members spent much not all their spare time but much of their spare time working with others 12-step work now if you remember back in the forward to the second edition we were having a look at what was the early recovery rates in 12 step in Alcoholics Anonymous and it was for those who had worked the 12 steps the early rate was they saw 50 percent got sober at once and remained sober. An additional 25% sobered up after some relapses. So we saw an improvement, 75% stayed sober, got sober. And then the remainder, it says showed improvement. So their lives got better. Their lives got besser even if they didn't. So what we're seeing is a 75% success rating. Whenever I talk about numbers, I also want to emphasize what is my percentage when I come to Alcoholics Anonymous? Zero. I got a zero percent success rating. So 75, not bad. I've got zero. And I always want to say my experience is I've never seen anyone who really did this get drunk again. Never. I have seen lots of people drink again. Lots of people drinking sitting on a four, sitting on five, sitting a men's, sitting on you know the 10 11 12 not sponsoring others i've seen people who did it and had powerful spectacular recoveries and stopped and the erosion of the actions that they took began and they drank again i've seeing that but i have never seen anyone doing it in the middle actively doing all of it and you can you can ask them follow-up questions and find out they weren't doing it relapse and that's been my experience so if I want that type of recovery if I want that of success what do I need I need to spend much of my spare time working with others sponsoring others not all of it you can have hobbies I don't have hobbies but you can have hobbies and I always like try to come up with hobbies and I'm like crochet and windsurfing and I'm what I don' think anyone does people crochet. But you can do hobbies. You can have hobbies and other interests. But much of my spare time, and here's the gauge, here's my gauge. If I'm not a little bit inconvenienced, I don't have enough sponsees. You know what I mean? I gotta be a little but inconvenienced. At least, at least a little inconvenienced! You know that's my gage. So and it says a few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work. That's me! I had a lot of spare time, did not get hobbies, got sponsees, so I don't have spare time anymore. But also that line tells us when it says none of us make a sole vocation of this work sometimes people interpret that as saying oh that must mean spending a lot time working with others and that's actually not what it's saying because that bottom sentence is saying a few of us are so fortunate they can give nearly all their time to the work so what does that mean again that we're pointing to vocation is paid employment so I just wanted to talk about all of that so it says if we keep on the way we are good going there is little doubt that much good will result and the way they were going was one alcoholic working with another carrying this message one alcohol to another, to another to another. And they're saying that's working like it's working that's why we're gonna continue to do that but the surface of the problem would hardly be scratched so we wouldn't be able to help this amount of people that need it. In fact it goes on to say those who live in large cities are overcome by the reflection that close by hundreds are dropping into oblivion every day. Is that my experience? You know sitting in a large, I'm sitting in, I know it's Canada but relatively large city you know over over a million for sure people are dying of this illness or similar illnesses people are absolutely dying of thing and is falling into oblivion every day is that my experiences? And it says many could recover if they had the opportunity we have enjoyed and again recover not just don't drink recover and we're pointing to being recovered where the obsession is removed not cured but the problem is solved as in this mental obsession is treated because I've I've had that spiritual awakening the mental obsession has gone so how then shall we present that which has been so freely given us. So how can we carry this message in a way that is more effective? And it says, We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. This book. What they're saying is we wrote this book and that's the purpose of this book is to succinctly carry this message, this message. I often talk about if you were in kindergarten and you played the telephone game where, you know, I would say I like pizza and then I'd whisper that to Vivian who would whisper it to Heather who had whispered to Diane, whisper it to Raj, whisper to Donny. It would go to Ben and Ben would be like... it'd be something completely different. I didn't think of a start an end point for it but it'd be something about purple elephants you know what I mean it gets totally lost and twisted so we are trying to give this person the purpose of this book is to give us the precise directions on how to recover so we don't play that telephone game and so we so they wrote and actually some of the history is is a lot of those early co-founders were were broke were broke and struggling but they saw that that something was working. And what did they want to do? They wanted to carry the message and they were kind of hoping that they could get some money. And they had these ideas, they did have these ideas. The first idea was they were going to build a hospital. And that wasn't like this wild idea, they were looking at property in Akron to purchase for the hospital, like a building, like a house to buy. And then they didn't get enough money for that, thank God. And then they were gonna have paid professional 12 steppers, you know, and they couldn't get enough money to really do that. Thank God. And they were able to scrounge and scrape and sell shares to form enough money, to write this book. And it's, they didn't let go of those old ideas. They were like, oh, if we'll sell the book and we'll make so much money that we'll be able to do those things. And we'll, we'll have like an AA hospital and we will have professional 12 steppers and God knows better than us. God knows, better than I said, we didn't get what we wanted, but we got what we needed, which is this book. So it says, we shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. Now, what is the metaphor or what is The Message to Gleam? So The Message that we're going to gleam from that is the idea if I am disagreeing with anything in this book. I'm not disagreeing with one person, I'm disagreeing with the first 180 members. But and it's unfortunate that Howard had to drop off. Because if Howard was here, he'd be like, Oh, actually, the truth is, it was primarily written by Bill Wilson. He was really Oh, I love you so glad you could make it. He was the primary author of this book, and he would send chapters out to Akron, Ohio Akron wasn't excited about the idea of the book, so they didn't give him feedback. And he's like, please give me feedback in New York. Didn't want to offend Bill, so he didn't get a lot of feedback. Hank Parkhurst was giving him a lot feedback and Bill's like too much feedback, you know? So it wasn't as much of that group text as it's sort of being portrayed. Bill was always wanting to distance himself as it wasn'T his simply his idea but what I want to point out is the message is that it's a group text that it'S not one person and if I hear that and I'm like yeah but Bill wrote it but if you remember when I talk love you when I talked about you know um the we of Alcoholics Anonymous when this book was written of course it was referring to the we those first 100 members but the more of us who follow the directions in this book the more of us that have the experiences as outlined in this book I experience the third set promises I experience I mean there's promises all over but the fifth step promises the ninth set promises the tenth step promises those promises allover step twelve I begin to experience those things the more if us that are included in the we so if I'm disagreeing with anything in this book I'm a disagree with not just the experience of the first 100 members, but all of those of us who have recovered. That's who I'm disagreeing with. And it says, this should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem. So the purpose is to give us the program. Where is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous found in this book. The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is the 12 steps as given to us out of the book AlcoholicsAnonymous. That is the program. That's it. There's a lot of other things that are wonderful like meetings, wonderful, not the program, fellowship, wonderful not the program, service, wonderful important and I want to be proportionally involved. I want to have fellowship. I want to have a meeting. I go to meetings. I want to be of service. That is important. But the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is the 12 steps taken out of the book AlcoholicsAnonymous. That's not to say anything else. The other stuff is bad, but to be clear what is and what is not the program. And it is the program that takes me to the solution. So it says, of necessity, there will have to be discussion of matters medical psychiatric social and religious we are aware that these matters are from their very nature controversial so we're talking about things that you know oh there can be a lot of controversy around it says nothing would please us so much as to write a book which would contain no basis for contention or argument we shall do our utmost to achieve that ideal And this line, man, I will let you know in the last however many years. I think this is a line that has become more and more true and more and more important. Most of us sense that a real tolerance of other people's shortcomings and viewpoints and a respect for their opinions are attitudes which make us more useful to others because I'm here to be useful. and in step three we're gonna we're gonna get fired from the management position of our life and then we're gonna work for a power greater than ourselves I'm gonna I'm going to work for this power and I'm just there to be useful now this if you're writing in your book highlight underline stars beside this is vitally important our very lives as X problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we might help meet their needs my very life depends upon my constant thought of others which is rude because I'm busy having my own constant thoughts of me you know but my constant thought of other's and how I might help meet their needs this is a program you know sometimes it's like oh it's a self-help program it's not a self help program it is really like a letting God it's a God helping me program and then me helping others program this is the program of selfless service. This is a program where I've got to get out of self and help others. And it's one of those things as we go through the chapter there is a solution. It should be no surprise at the end that I've got to work with others, that that is a responsibility I have for others and I always want to emphasize that if you're new today or if you've been around a while and you've not sponsored and you're afraid to. Two things. One alcoholism is a fatal illness which is to say you're not going to make it any worse. And the other thing, the other thing is to say that our job is to help you. I feel my responsibility to my sponsees is not just to take them through the steps but to take them through the steps in such a way where they are able to take others through the 12 steps. My job is sponsor them into sponsorship which is why I prefer when possible a line-by-line experience. So if you're coming to this study here today, well you are because you're here thank you the purpose is that you can have this line-by-line experience so that you have more of that depth and weight and that experience to offer to those who do not know that there is a way out whether they not be in the rooms yet whether they be in the rooms or whether they are drowning completely sober that's that's our responsibility all right mine doesn't have to be yours so it says you may have already asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking when we talk about that what we're talking about is the physical allergy why all of us had the inability to control the amount once we started and and like why we weren't able to control it every single time you know because as soon as I talked about the physical allergy if you're like me you're hey there's this one time I drank like a lady my pants were dry and everything I'd be shoes it was great you know I didn't go home with them you know but but the truth is whenever I took a drink more often than not it took me almost every time it took me but I couldn't tell you when it would and when it wouldn't and so so that's what we're talking about why all of us experience some form of physical allergy that once we started we couldn't control it every single time and it says doubtless you are curious to discover how and why in the face of expert opinion. To the contrary, we have recovered. There is that word again, recovered. That is what I'm after. Again, recovered does not mean cured. It does not means I can ever safely drink again. And it also does not meant that I can never safely not be fully engaged in the 12 steps as a way of life ever again. What it means is I take the actions and as the result of the actions, the mental obsession is removed. That's what it means. The mental obsession has been removed. and it says from a hopeless and I want to emphasize hopeless hopeless condition of mind and body and when it says hopeless condition Of Mind that is the mental obsession the mental obsession is the thought that I have when I am sober that takes me back to the first drink that is the Mental Obsession and that's what makes it hopeless and body body is the physical allergy that lack of control. Once I start that thing, once I start, I need more and the more that I drink, the more than I need to drink. That's what we're talking about. And it, and so it says, if you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, I hope so. You know, if we're here and heck, if you're here, and you don't want to get it over it. That doesn't matter. I don't mind. I'm just glad you're hear, you know, but if you aren't alcoholic who want to go over it? You may be already asking, what do I have to do? I want to emphasize do. This is a program of action. I need to take action. I cannot stay sober on belief. I can not stay sober ideas. I cannot stay so over on fear. I could not say sober on knowledge. I cannot even stay sober and what I did last week. Do you know what I'm saying? I need to do, I need take a series of actions, the 12 steps to produce a change within me. That's what I need, so I have to do. And it says, it is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. So the purpose of this books, the whole point of this book is to specifically tell a hopeless drunk like me And maybe like you, if you're hanging out on a Wednesday, probably a hopeless drunk. What do I have to do to get well? That is the purpose of this book. And that's why we go through the book to glean the information about if I am hopeless, to gleen the information, about the directions, about The Instructions. And it says, and I love this, we shall tell you what we have done. We were talking about how I can't listen to my family. I can't hear doctors. I can' t hear psychiatrists. I can't here counselors, but I can hear another alcoholic who's been there. Another drunk who's telling me, man, I drank the way you drank. I felt the way you felt. I did that thing. Man, I know what it's like to scrape myself off the bathroom floor filled with guilt and shame and remorse. I know what it's to come to in a situation where I'm mortified at my behavior only to do it again. Man I know that feeling. I can hear that. And so it's and I love that it's saying we We shall tell you what we have done. That's what we've done. It's not a bunch of scientists in an ivory tower. It's drunk shoulder to shoulder. Here are the actions that I have taken. And I'm big on that. When I work with sponsees, I am not going to ask them to do something that I do not do or I have not done. And I do this thing. You know what I mean? We're doing this together, shoulder to should. And I love this for me is one of those examples of the book meeting me where I'm at. it's not oh I'm sober I'm better than you here's what we've done I'm going to lay out the simple kit of spiritual tools if you want it I will do anything to help so it says um uh we shall before we shall tell you what we have done before going into a detailed discussion it may be well to summarize some points as we see them and what we're going to get into and we'll get into it next week is some misunderstandings of alcoholism and we'LL have a look and we''LL see have we even had these misunderstandings about ourselves as alcoholics so how could we how could we begrudge non-alcoholics for having these misunderstands and then what we will do is we will get into the description of what is a moderate drinker, what is hard drinker heavy drinker and what does it mean to be a real alcoholic. We're gonna see ourselves in those pages and we're gonna have an experience with those but we'll pick that up next week and I'll toss it over to Vivian for the for the next part of it