Step 10 and the Spiritual Axiom That I Am the Problem – Polly P.

About This Speaker Tape

Dallas, 1977. A county detox center that was no fancy jitter joint. Polly P. arrived as an angry wimp, a prisoner of her own feelings who viewed the world through a distorted lens of victimhood. She describes her alcoholism as chains that were too soft to be felt until they were too strong to be broken. For years, she lived in a state of delusion, treating her life like a pity pot and expecting others to validate her existence.

The wreckage was concrete: a marriage dissolved, children devastated, and a later "riches-to-rag" collapse where she and her husband lost their home. Yet, she frames these as gifts. She speaks of the spiritual axiom that she is the problem, and in that realization, the solution. From the humility of receiving help during homelessness to the "hysterical" humor of a Higher Power who gave her a deaf grandson to teach her true intimacy, Polly trades the pursuit of cars and houses for a daily reprieve.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Polly P. opens by challenging the 'victim' mentality and the 'inner child' narrative.
• 4:15 Discussion of 'contempt prior to investigation' and the 'big hoopla' at a recent meeting.
• 8:30 The 'riches-to-rags' story: her husband's job loss and the repossession of their home.
• 12:10 The discovery that her grandson is deaf and the shift in her perception of life's gifts.
• 16:45 Laughter: The irony of her name, Polly P., and the 'disease of perception'.
• 21:20 Identifying with the rage of her father and the 'wimpiness' of her mother.
• 25:10 Mention of the 12 Steps (specifically Steps 4-9) as the tools for forgiveness.
• 29:40 The 'soft chains' of alcoholism and her experience with court-committed detox.
• 34:15 The 12 Traditions and how they taught her to have a healthy relationship with her husband, Dave.
• 38:50 The heartbreaking account of her son's suicide attempts and the 'Chapter to the Agnostic'.
• 43:10 Reflecting on her history as a child abuser and the courage to apologize to her children.
• 46:00 Closing prayer and final thoughts on finding her soul by seeking her brother.