Step 10 and the Big Fat Lie of Only Hurting Herself – Debbie D.

About This Speaker Tape

Fellowship of the Spirit - 2018

Debbie D. maps out a life where the potion of whiskey turned a dark negative person into a happy-go-lucky Dr. Jekyll. She describes a childhood in South Dakota starting to drink at twelve to fit in with the 'cool kids,' and a teenage years spent in a blur of blackouts and expelled school terms. After a failed attempt at early sobriety in the mid-70s she hit a bottom that felt like a 'hot white light moment,' leading to 42 years of sobriety. She dismantles the idea of 'not being bad enough' to be an alcoholic sharing her struggle with 'dry drunk' tendencies and a terrifying six-month period of intense chemical-like cravings for drunkenness—not just a drink but the 'blotto' state—which she describes as a daily delay of a death sentence. She emphasizes the necessity of home groups the three legacies and the grit of service to keep the illness of alcoholism at bay.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Debbie D. opens by reflecting on the 'Fellowship of the Spirit' and the violence of her old hangovers.
• 6:15 Laughter: Debbie describes her 'drunk car' with the mitten gas cap and her brief stint as a drug dealer.
• 12:40 Debbie discusses hitting her 'innermost self bottom' and the 'hot white light' moment of surrender.
• 17:10 Debbie shares her first drink at age 12 in South Dakota and the 'pole vault' over the line from social to alcoholic drinking.
• 24:50 Discussion of her first treatment program in Grand Forks and the struggle with the 'too young to be an alcoholic' excuse.
• 32:10 Debbie explains the importance of the home group and placing principles before personalities.
• 41:20 Debbie describes the 'dark alley' of complacency and her 'dance of delusion' with men who weren't in recovery.
• 51:10 The '6:30 AM' story: comparing the effort of service to the effortless enthusiasm she had for drinking.
• 58:30 Debbie describes a terrifying six-month period of intense cravings for 'blotto' drunkenness despite 26 years of sobriety.
• 1:04:15 The 'alcohol-wasm' realization and the definition of a daily reprieve as a 'delay of the death sentence'.