Step 10 and the 19-Year Habit of Planning What to Say – John
About This Speaker Tape
Brevard County Jail, April 18, 1998. John is curled in a fetal position, wishing for the end. He describes himself as an alcoholic of a hopeless variety, a man who spent years doing life on an installment plan through repeated stints in prison. He recalls the "juice" of the rat in the cage—the singular obsession that made him ignore food, water, and family until he hit the bottom. For John, alcohol was the answer that eventually turned on him, leading him to snatch jewelry from drug dealers and lie to his family until the shame became a poison he drank while waiting for others to die.
He recounts the grace of a judge who overlooked a habitual criminal filing, allowing him to find the 12 Steps in a correctional facility. Through a Higher Power and a notebook of resentments, he realized his father was not a monster, but spiritually sick. Now 19 years sober, John admits he still battles the habit of planning what to say in meetings, fighting the urge to be "full of self."
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