Step 10 and Daily Inventory – Day in the Steps Workshop – Part 1 of 5 – Brian K.

We don't have raccoons in Alberta. You don't? No, I've been told explicitly not to feed them and it has been difficult. Oh, are we starting? Oh, okay, it's happening. We're starting. Okay, I'm a trash panda. You're a trash Panda. Her words, not mine. Oh, accurate. All right, we are going to keep rolling on to 10, which is the key, all the keys to good living are wrapped up in step 10 so if you have persevered to this point I guess we have the 9th step promises which are pretty nice. I don't know if you want to read those as sort of a segue into it or they're sort of over done maybe. This thought brings us to step 10? This thought bring us to set 10. Do you mind if I just... Alright so page 84 this thought which is the 9th one's 76 oh that's why uh this thought brings us to step 10 which suggests now keep in mind we don't have alternative suggestions well a little on page uh 25 it's like alcoholic death spiritual way of life so the alternative would be alcoholic death but uh suggest we continue to take personal inventory where did i learn to take personnel inventory step four and continue which is rude because it doesn't say, excuse me, I'm perfect and I don't need to stop. Continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We have vigorously, and I want to point out vigorously with action, with intention, like we've worked at this. Commence this way of living. See, this is not a set it and forget it program. We're talking about this thing, crockpot sobriety. I've got to be in it every day. It is a way of life. As we cleaned up the past, and here's why I was thinking, why don't we rock and roll with this? We have entered the world of the Spirit, capital S. The world of this spirit. So we're really beginning to have that spiritual awakening. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. And what I want to point out is like, girl, do we get a promotion yet? Well, I mean, we're still in willingness, but we got like subsection grow in understanding and effectiveness. and what we get to do is grow in understanding of and effectiveness in god's will for us and it says this is not an overnight matter rude i keep doing it uh uh it should continue for our lifetime did you want to take all the directions you want me to go yeah yeah we can do that yeah so here's your specific directions for step 10 right on page 84 continue to watch maybe we're in the continue department now continue to watch for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear and and where do we learn to do that step four right we were all about it you start to develop some experience with it through four and you continue to develop that experience here when not if when these crop up uh what are we going to do we're going to ask god at once to remove them we don't ask god to remove it at once we ask godat once to remove them, which is what we learned how to do in 6 and 7. We discuss them with someone immediately, which we learned How to Do in 5. We make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone, which we learn to do an 8 and 9. Then we're going to resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help, which step 12. So we got four, four through nine packed into a nice little tight thing that you can do right away, every any point during the day, as soon as you want, if you're if you soon as you see it. You know, you're watching for it. You may forget to watch for it and then only realize a little bit later, oh geez that something happened and what do you do? Well, you just do it then. You're not there's no time in the realm of the spirit. So I'm going to continue to watch and do these things. When it crops up, I ask God at once to remove it. Meaning I'm gonna say to God hey please remove it and I'm not gonna sit around and be like well he didn't remove it, I'm still waiting for him to remove It. And then I'm going to discuss it with somebody and that can be anybody. It can be someone in AA, it can be somebody not in AA. My wife takes an alarming number of 10 steps from me because I work at home and she's at home and something happens in the day and I'll go to her and I say you'll never believe this but blah blah blah. She doesn't know and then I go and we'll wash the dishes or make some supper or whatever. Again it doesn't matter. I'm going to oh sorry I missed to make amends. If there is something to amend if I was out of line if I yelled if I did something that I should not have done it's a lot easier to make those amends right then and there than it is to have to come back months later with a piece of paper and oh you remember when you don't want to do that do it right away uh then I'm going to turn my thoughts to someone I can help uh and to me that last part is the magic of this step I turn my doubts to someone i can help and I forget to think about the thing that I was being selfish, dishonest, or simple, or afraid of. And as soon as I stop thinking about it, it kind of disappears. Because it was actually just, most of the time, real or fancy, 90% of the time, it's just in my head. And the only problem is that I'm disturbed. And, as soon I get undisturbed through not thinking about anymore, it disappears. I don't have to solve it. I don' t have to figure it out. I don''t have to... It's amazing. It's incredible what that shift of perception does. I can be so mired. You know, I have this terrible conversation with my boss at work or this thing will happen in the house or something. And as soon as I stop perseverating on it, as soonas I stop thinking about it, trying to solve fear, self-will, oh, I'm going to do this, rolling around in resentment, it's gone. It disappears. Now, it may come back and then I will just do this again. But the magic to me is that turning my thoughts to someone I can help and, you know, actually doing something, getting involved in something else, and I'm free. Awesome. In a minute. Absolutely. And on the little sheet, it's the same directions. It's right from the book, but to break it down, the first thing I've got to do is watch. I've Got to Watch. Now, some of you guys have figured out that I might have some deficit in my attention and that like watching is genuinely it's like the most difficult direction for me because I'll be like, oh, that was a resentment. You know what I mean? Because I'm not like I'm Not an inherently mindful person. Now, I'm a big book gal. I love the big book, but there's this beautiful line in Step 11 in the 12 and 12 where it talks about how where prayer, meditation, and inventory are logically intertwined, they create an unshakable foundation. And see, that means the foundation for my life is not 1, 2, 3. The foundation for My Life is all 12 steps. but here's what I found I needed a daily meditation practice to be able to watch I just, I did I needed to be able to have a daily meditation practice because you earlier were talking about when the committee is going it's on and I know what it's like to wake up and it's on and I'm not and I don't know and I do know what it is to have a thought and the thought is do you know what I mean it's not that oh there's the thought the thought is it's on me I am I am garbage I am a loser or I hate myself. It's on me. And you see, what happened was a daily meditation practice was what allowed there to begin to be, and I mean daily, it had to be daily for this little drunk, allowed there for me to be a separation between me and my thoughts. And I could see, oh, you're a piece of garbage. And I'm like, oh look at that! You know, and it was not my thoughts, and oh man, I'm skipping ahead a little. There's a step 11 promise where it talks about how our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane. And I can tell you the first time, like, I was thinking about this when you were talking about it earlier. I can telling you how I would wake up every single day of my life for as long as I can remember is I effing hate myself. I effin' hate my life. I hate myself, I shouldn't be alive. I hate me, not another day, F this, F me. And I remember the first I woke up and I was praying. And I was waking up. I was waking up to prayer. I didn't do it, it happened to me. And this is, I'm going to bring it back a slight tangent. Sometimes we'll hear in the rooms, oh, in the 1930s meditation didn't mean meditation. That is only true if all I do is look it up in the 1930s dictionary. It says thinking. But there's only one book that's mentioned, like that's specifically mentioned in the first 164 pages and that's William James Varieties of Religious Experiences. And because i'm fun i've read it really yeah listen to it audiobook uh that's how i read i don't read well and i genuinely i really enjoyed it because it connected some dots for me and in it it doesn't tell us how to meditate or different types of meditation practices but in it, it pointed to meditation practices that somewhere in the eastern tradition but many which were in the western tradition and alive and well and it's true the oxford group their meditation practice was a form of two-way prayer where it was about listening below our thoughts to the voice of God. And there's a beautiful practice in two-day prayer. But to say guided meditation didn't exist, it did. There's a book that was referenced. It's called Philothea or Introduction to the Devout Life. And it was referenced in William James Varieties of Religious Experiences. It's by St. Francis de Sales. You don't have to read it. You do not have to like it. But it's a guided meditation book. So it just opens it up. So that's my ADHD that I don't have. So I've got to watch. And I want to point something out. What I am watching for, selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. Let's pop real quick over to 86. And when we talk about when we retire at night, first full paragraph, were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? So what we're looking for is the exact same stuff. And what step 10 and step 11 begin to be is the safety net that give me the grace to mess up because I will and to miss things because Iwill and still be able to live free. And when it says pray like the next so it's watch, pray, discuss, amend, turn. So I you know it crops up I pray. When I discuss it with someone here's what I found helpful. I have not found helpful to be like oh what a jerk oh he sucks or you know like just to vent. What I have found really helpful what I encourage my sponsees to do is discuss it through the columns. You can text it through the columns, you can call me, you could voice text. It doesn't have to be with an AA member but to take it through columns because that's where I really get the freedom from it. Yeah, it's way better to make amends quickly. Oh, that humble pie is a little bit better warm, you know? And then when you talk about turning our thoughts to someone we can help, I love that. Like that, man, that has been a game changer for me and it's like who needs my I help, often it's who's in front of me. You know what I mean? Who's in front of Me? Who can I be of service to in front of Me?" But there was another thing I started to do. It's not in the big book so feel free to disregard it. But another thing i started to do is I started to reach out to people that I wouldn't normally reach out too. Send them a text message or a message on Facebook and just say... I would say things like this, hey I was thinking about you. I hope you're doing well. Hey, I just wanted you to know that you're God's favorite. I just want you to know that the world's a better place because you're part of it. You know, just or like, hey, I so appreciated what you had to share at the meeting. It's always so great to see you. You know, things like that. And as we were talking about step nine, about how like, man, when I get me out of the way, it is incredible how God can move and you won't have any idea how many times I've reached out to people and just say like, you know, hey you're God's favorite. They're like, how did you know I needed to hear that? How did you know? And I remember this very vividly. There was a gentleman that I reached out to, and I said, hey, I just wanted you to know the world's a better place because you're a part of it. And what he responded with is nobody had ever said that to me before. And I thought, man, it's incredible how if I get my... And it doesn't take... I'm busy. It doesn't take long. You know what I mean? That turning my thoughts to someone I can help is incredible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's great love, right? Great love. Do you want to rock and roll with the 10-step promises? Do you Want me to rock and roll With The 10-Step Promises? Sure, yeah, we can have the 10 step promises. Love and tolerance of others is our code. It's actually the only code that is mentioned in this whole book, being loving and tolerant and also being lovable and tolerable probably as well. Especially the tolerable part of that. It's implicit. But I will say even on the 401, even if you're driving on the link, yeah yeah i i wish i knew any more roads i know the 407 um but like even on like you know we're hitting up uh construction season you know what i mean even even even in you know construction traffic in alberta even in algeria it's our code out there as sober drunks and we have ceased fighting anything or anyone i actually love the 10-step promises more than the nine-step promises because i really what's that oh uh starting on the bottom of 84 bottom of 84 we've ceased fighting anything or anyone even alcohol that's a powerful statement for by this time sanity will have returned will seldom be interested in liquor if we if tempted if we recoil from it as a hot flame act sanely and normally and find this has happened automatically so that you know it's not you the thought of drinking may or may not come people uh different people have it or don't have it but what happens after is it will be we'll react singularly nor won't go out on a bender and burn our life to the ground instead we'll find it happen automatically i think that's important and it's the same thing we talked about in six and seven this isn't my power i didn't figure this out i didn' t come up with that technique or that piece of information that enabled me to do it, enabled me to keep sober. My attitude, my new attitude toward liquor was given to me without any thought or effort on my part. I mean the effort is the steps, right? It's the work I've been embarked on. It's not effort willpower directed at solving alcoholism. That doesn't work. It just comes. That's the miracle of it. I'm not fighting it. I'm nicht avoiding temptation. If I was fighting it, I lost every single time if i had to avoid temptation i mean they tell the story later in the book about you know that being on the uh the green cap and a helpful eskimo which i don't think is a good word anymore would show up with a bottle but you get the sentiment right anytime you try to get away from it oh there's oh my god i can't believe it's frank and he's got a bottle of whiskey well i can'T BELIEVE HE SHOWED UP um so any anything based on that of me trying to keep away from and trying to control the situation, it won't work. So I must have the miracle of it. It must just come. It must happen to me automatically. It can't be based on me making a decision because at least one time I will decide wrong. I always have. I feel as though I'm placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. I haven't even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed, which is incredible. If you think again, think back to that day or week or month before you you got here before you stopped drinking like was that even a possibility the mere mention of drinking was enough to to get me uh you know to go oh i wasn't going to drink but now i can't do anything but that uh it's it's been removed from i'm just somebody who doesn't drink like that's incredible i'm juste someone who doesn' drink i have no relationship uh with alcohol you know other than alcoholics but with alcohol it doesn't mean anything it can be there cannot be there. I can pour a glass of wine for my wife. I have never once thought of drinking it. It has no power, which is so wild, right? It doesn't exist for me. I'm neither cocky nor afraid. That's my experience. That's how I react so long as I keep in a fit spiritual condition. That's My job, is to keep in fit spiritual condition and how do i do that you know like i think of my car i have a car i keep my car in running condition uh i take it to the to the garage they fix it up uh i have you know it's on a schedule you get an oil change this often you got to do you do that uh keep it keep it running the actual condition of my card though i don't really know because my car can still break down something unexpected can happen that i can tend to and i think it's the same for me like i my job is, is this maintenance of my spiritual condition through this, this work, through, through the steps, through carrying the message, through demonstration, all this kind of stuff. But it doesn't mean something's not going to go sideways sometimes. But again, I still have tools for that. You know, I'm, I're not in, in charge of what's going to happen. Uh, but I do have things that i'm i attend to i have disciplines in my life that i attend to uh no matter what happens do you want to oh absolutely yeah those step 10 promises man if you're new if you're like coming back if you relapsing that's i mean that is what if you've ever heard people uh describe themselves as a recovered alcoholic this is what it means to be recovered the problem is removed now when it says we recoil from it as from a hot flame you can pop back over to page 24 and 24 we're in step one and on page 24 it's right after the italics I can't stop myself from touching the hot stove I think this time will be different when I touch the stove I think nobody will ever know when I touch the hot stuff I think if you went through what I went through man you'd have to touch it for a moment I think you know the stove was hot because it was electric but this is a gas stove it'll be different or I think the problem with the stoves in Calgary but we're an Hamilton in all those stoves and I cannot stop myself. And that is how insane it is. But I take some actions now at step 10, I don't have to touch it. I recoil from it as from a hot flame. And I love that. It's like, man, I'm not fighting it. The, I didn't do it. I took this action and it was given to me. I received the gift. And actually what I found is Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm going on a tangent, I'm sorry. Yeah, thank you. Alcoholics Anonymous is a lot like Christmas morning and what I mean by that is remember like Christmas morning. And it's a little bit too early for everyone and what we have is down those stairs is the Christmas tree and its lights are aglow and it's got the tinsel and all the balls and the bells and the whistles, all of it. And underneath that christmas tree is a gift and it is immaculately perfectly wrapped and that gift it has your name on it it's already there it's all ready there it has got your name on it i don't earn it i dont become worthy of it i do not deserve it it is a gif it's there now i know you're like i thought a price had to be paid it's like yeah destruction of self-centeredness. I mean, the price I'm paying is the gift, bud. He has not started anything. He's not being argumentative at all. And so what do I need to do? I need to awaken and I go down those steps. Not up those steps, right? Each step what I've come is it's an outpouring of more of myself to the unconditional love that is God. And i go down those steps to receive the gift that was there the whole time and in step three i spoke about god's care i don't know if i'll be cared for man position of neutrality safe and protected that is irrefutable evidence of god'scare but all of these promises comes comes with uh the fine print the caveat like i've got a keep and fit spiritual condition is it cool if i pop down to the next paragraph sweet it says it is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. A laurel is a wreath that was given to Olympians in ancient Greece, like the victory. It's like, man, I did all that work. I'm a coast. You know what I'm saying? It's easy to do that. But we're headed for trouble if we do. For alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. See, I am recovered, but I am not cured. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. And what I want to point out is that daily reprieve. I looked it up in my 1930s dictionary because I'm fun, so much fun. And one of the definitions in the 1930s dictionary that I have is a stay of execution. And every day, every day imagine I am on death row. Every day I wake up in myself and I am doomed to drink and to die each day. And every day I get marched into the execution chamber and there's that red phone on the wall. And every day the governor calls at the last moment and says, no, not today. Do you know what I mean? That's what it means. That's what reprieve means a stay of execution. And it is contingent. And I want to point this out on the maintenance of our spiritual condition, not contingent on my spiritual condition. That'S good news. And that'S bad news. The good news is that my sobriety is not contingent on how i feel that's great the bad news is it is contingent on what i do that that is what i've got to do and so it goes on to say every day every day see it's not one day at a time just don't drink no it's every day i live this way of life every day I practice these actions when we must carry the vision of God's will until our all our activities here's a step 10 prayer. How can I best serve thee? Thy will, not mine, be done. And willpower gets, you know, willpower does nothing against the first drink. And we go on to talk about willpower at the end of that paragraph. Willpower will do nothing against The First Drink. I cannot use willpower to keep me sober. But let's be real, it takes willpower to write that inventory we don't want to write. It takes will power to show up to that fifth step I don't wanna show up too. It takes will Power to do the amends I don' t wanna make. It take willpower do this work on a daily basis that is where my will gets aligned with god's yeah the proper use of the will proper use of back at the back on 45 and we said the main object of the book is to find a power greater than myself which will solve my problem and then on 85 so you got 40 pages in between uh we have instead the problem has been removed it doesn't exist for us yeah you know so you've got 30 page of action like how how incredible is that you know that 30 text pages some actions are described for us that can literally save our lives uh and make you know the lives of others even richer you know through this exercise it's incredible like i almost feel like i don't deserve it sometimes you know yeah um so the the do you want to jump to 11 the i i you called it out but i think 11 is sort of the like checking on 10 like you're sort of going hey did you do it yeah you know when you retire at night was there a time where you were resentful selfish dishonest or afraid you know did you owe an apology because in 10 it said you know make an amend quickly did i keep something to myself which i should have discussed with another person at once well it told me to discuss it in step 10 so did i did i do that uh and then what what could i have done better was i think in myself most of the time because i think of what i could do for others what i can pack into the stream of life like to me that just says hey how did your 10th step go today and reviewing the situations that happened to me and how what did i go about them you know and i think 11 is just as much about developing the watcher uh because when you start or when i started i wasn't very good at this i didn't see much my watching was not great uh you know and and i do practice meditation as well uh and i found that is very helpful you know to start to separate the thought from from the the watchers you know so i begin to watch i mean you see these things but it's like this activity of at night reflecting on my day to see those times i'd be like oh yeah you know what or it could even you know there were the very beginning it's like there could be weeks between those events of like i'm thinking like oh my god yeah i really wasn't very nice three weeks ago yeah but that's okay right none of this is about perfection this is all obedience this is all discipline and so if you screw it up and you're doing this review or you're thinking through the day and you miss something it's like that's okay it tells me that i you know not to fall into remorse uh tells me not to follow into morbid reflection why because it's going to diminish my usefulness that's my ego coming in on me to talk oh you're a shitty aa member you're shitty at being sober you're no good you suck you're bad which separates me right it brings me back to useful uselessness it brings him back to emptiness and I that is that is no good for me uh so I can't this isn't a stick with which to beat myself over the head it's it's something to strive for this is uh this is discipline right and so I keep I keep at it I keep doing it as soon as I see it I attend to it I do what it's what I'm told to do and I keep At It I keep Out It I Keep At It and you hear things like around this uh you know especially kind of people who are new to the program they're doing stuff they're getting they're seeing some progress but then they're struggling with with something you know oh I'm having a hard time being honest I'm having a hard time you know maybe I'm getting into some bad relationships or am I having a hard time with that stuff it's like that's okay because it doesn't say if these crop up it says when they crop up they are going to crop up this stuff is absolutely 100% going to crop up in your life and that's fine you wouldn't be alive if it wasn't the way and so it's just about developing the discipline and it and it seems that the time between the event and you're attending to the discipline gets shorter and shorter although once in a while something will go a little sideways even after a while like it doesn't i i still have moments where i'm like i can't believe that happened i don't know what i was thinking and uh and that's okay too you know there is no perfection this is all progress there there's nowhere to get there's nowhere to be there's no awards being given out for best 10th step uh it's not oh man yes or no sorry but the idea is that i'm going to attend to the discipline and continue to grow in understanding and effectiveness through this. And a big engine to this is also my amends. And a big Engine to this as also working with others, like all of it starts to flow together in a process as I'm going out into the world, you know, the earlier steps are kind of, you know, it's me, and then it's meeting the sponsor, and that it's being the sponsor and some paper and then me and me and God and it's all and then It's like, okay, we're sending you out of the house now go go do some stuff and all of that is going to work together to help me uh to take a place in the world to participate in in what's going on uh around me and and to start to learn how to do it because i don't know how to have healthy relationships i don'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE HEALTHY ACTION i DON'T KNOW how to be a good employee i DONT KNOW HOW to be a good partner i've been so selfish and so self-centered for most of my life uh just thinking about me like if i think about my childhood it's like i'm the only one there everybody else is like a character on a tv show like it's just all about what i'm thinking and feeling what's happening and what i like and what I don't like and I'm not thinking about any kind of a contribution or what somebody else might need or how I could maybe make something for better or how i could do something for somebody and maybe they wouldn't even find out that I did it you know and all of this is just growth in that direction it takes time it's take it takes years and years and years you know if you practice meditation it's trying it's like trying to thicken a wall with coats of paint it just you just keep painting it you know and you you don't see it but over a long period of time there there is growth there's substantial growth and and so looking back you know like between now and at the beginning like how quickly things shift how painful it is to step off the path you know there's sort of a very narrow path and i know that's a that comes out of a different book but the idea of the narrow path like you take a step off the path if you've been practicing this stuff for a while and it sucks right away like it hurts right away uh and that's that's good right it's it's attendance to the to these disciplines and it really is how i grow but it's not about being perfect at it at the get-go you won't be you never will be uh but it'S to keep at it and and to to you know keep this if you're new keep it by your bed read it just read it and do what it says to do you'll develop more practices around that as you go along but just start where you are and and be easy on yourself if you're if you doing it at all be easy own yourself but just keep trying to do it try to see more try to learn more to try to recognize more and and you will you will that will happen for you absolutely yeah and just kind of going back to the evening review a couple things so the first thing is in the original manuscript the evening review top 86 those were not uh evening directions in the original manuscript those were morning directions once a day yeah twice and so what do i glean from that what i glee from that is i don't care when you do it do it in the morning do it during your lunch break do it when it's convenient for you if you're doing it right before bed that's often not the best time like do it as you're winding down or before you have your wind down time do it at a time that works for you but this is something that ties in for me with step 12 um it doesn't tell us to put pen to paper on our evening review but what I will say is what I do is pen topaper now when I was getting involved in step 10 and step 11 you know some of those steps in Calgary Alberta at the time uh that I was like doing that the people whose lights were on The people who are excited about this thing, the people who were doing it put pen to paper. That is not to say pen topaper is the right way and doing it as a meditative practice is the wrong way. What I am pointing to is that my responsibility is to be a demonstration. You know what I mean? It does no good if I'm like, well, if you could just do your evening review. You knowwhat I mean ? It's like, why? You're miserable, right? My responsibility to those that are hurting, to those that are struggling is to be a demonstration. To have that light on in my eye, to have that hope in my spirit, to be filled with the joy that I promise you is not my own. That is my responsibility. And so when we do, so I put pen to paper on the evening review and again talking about how meditation did exist. Bill Wilson's spiritual advisor, Father Ed Dowling, came to Bill, and he was like, yo, do you know? He definitely said, yo. Yo, dude. Homie Bill. Billy Dubs. Y'all know about St. Ignatius of Loyola and the spiritual exercises? Because yo, this is like the examen of conscience, my dude. And Bill's like, nope. Nope. These things happened in parallel. But again, to say meditation did exist. And just to kind to speak about meditation, it's the idea, listen, I guarantee we're talking about meditation and you're talking About that growth in it. We're just trying to progress spiritually, we're not going to be perfect, we just try to get that momentum with it. I guarantee as we talk about meditation almost everyone in the room was like, I can't meditate! I can meditate! And oftentimes that is where we have the old ideas. In fact, the biggest most common old idea that I see that I need to let go of is that I can't meditate. Because what happens is I think meditation means I have to sit in perfect stillness. That is not possible. I don't know if you're aware, but your brain is an organ and its job is to think. And so meditation is not sitting in perfect stilliness. Meditation is bringing our awareness to a point, something like the breath, something like The Directions in this book, and then our mind wandering and us catching and bringing it back. That is meditation. Just like I can't get buff at the gym if I do not have resistance with the weights, I cannot get better at meditation if I don't have my mind wandering. So that, I just wanted to offer that. And as we have these directions for me, again, that four through nine process, I don' t do four through 9 and then leave it. That four through nine process, as you were saying, it even ties in with step 12. I use that in the 10th step. I usethat even in the evening review four through nine. So when I have a resentment that I missed in, in 10, what do I do? I take it through the columns. If I've got a fear, I take it through columns, you know, and Oh man, I'm off on tangent land. We join me or don't it's late in the day. You guys, if you just need to disassociate, that's fine. Uh, I need cigarette. It's fine. I shouldn't have said that. I'm so sorry for those smokers or vapers. I'm sorry. I should've said that because now that's all they're going to think about. Am I meditating? At step four, I spoke about that hoarder's house metaphor. You know what I mean? In step 10, what do I need to do? I need to continue to keep that house clean. The 10th step is like, man, if I spill this water or spill that Sprite. I got to clean it up in the moment, which I might, I'm a hand talker, you know? And then the evening review is like if I miss anything, you know, some of those daily chores, you Know, like doing the dishes or what have you. And then sometimes a big storm rolls in, you Now, life happens where things have built up after a while, even though we're doing it to the best of our ability. I've got to spring cleaning, right? And so I continue with this process as a way of life. Now, I keep my house clean, that same house clean for three reasons. The first reason, if it ever, ever gets as bad as it did when I got here, I'm going to drink again. Right? I'm gonna be in the darkness. I'm gunna drink again The second reason I gotta keep my house clean is because, page 20, my very life as an ex-prom drinker depends upon my constant thought of others and how I may help meet your needs. My life depends on helping you. My life demands on helping YOU keep your house clean. It does no good if I don't know how to do it. You know, it's like, I'm like, use a lug wrench! And you're like, how? And I'm, like, i don't knoW. you know like i need to the more experience that i have with my uh own inventory with my own process in 10 11 and when stuff hits and i got a four through nine it like a mofo you know like when i gotta do that i then have more experience than i get to use to help you and my life depends on it now there's a third reason i gotta keep my house clean and on page 25 it talks about the central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. Another way to read that is, our Creator Has Entered Into Our Hearts and Lives in a Way Which Is Indeed Miraculous. Either way, one of the places in which God resides is within my heart. And so imagine, in the very center of that house, there's a room, and that room is one of those places is oneoftheplacesinwhichgodresides. And if I keep my house clean, I get to know that power better. Man, that, that is what I'm after. you know so beautiful yeah thank you that's lovely yeah lovely good metaphors i have a brain that works with those the ocd brain the adhd brain um it's a brain so in the morning so you got to retire or whenever i guess because in the original manuscript it was this was all kind of in one uh on awakening we're going to think about the day ahead consider 24 hours ahead consider our plans for the day before we go in ask god to direct our thinking especially that it be divorced from self-pity dishonest and self-seeking motives and literally just saying that hey god you know start i'm going to think about my day can you can you help me to keep my thoughts clear of these things under these conditions i can employ my mental faculties with assurance for after all god gave me a brain to use it's the proper use of the will right as they told me on the previous page i get to use my my brain earlier on it's like well probably don't trust your thinking. But now I get taken to this place where, you know, maybe you actually can do something if it's in the service of this, if it'S in the service of others, if IT's cleared of wrong motives. Thinking about the day might face indecision. This is one that's like so I found to be very effective like I'm I'm very busy like I have a busy life there's a lot of people in it there's A lot of stuff in it and sometimes I feel like I don't know how the hell I'm gonna get all this stuff done like I just can't imagine how this is going to happen today and so I will just say hey God uh I don't know what to do uh I'm asking you know ask for some inspiration and have thought of a decision and then it tells me to relax and take it easy I'm not going to struggle and what I do find is I'm surprised at the end of the day when I look back and things have just things have happened things have sorted out I was able to show up where I was meant to be and do the things I was sent to do that I didn't create a bunch of wreckage that I didn't run away, I didn' t hide, I did not blow up. I just said put me in the place where I can be of maximum use. I don't need to have all the answers. I don't the itinerary to be able to walk into this situation. I can ask for the inspiration and trust that it will come as it is needed. It tells me that hunch, that occasional inspiration becomes a working part of the mind. At the beginning, yes, being inexperienced, having just made conscious contact, it's probable that we're not going to be inspired at all times. Absolutely. I might pay for it in all sorts of absurd actions. But I have found that over time that my thinking is more on the plane of inspiration. I have come to rely on it. I really have gotten through some days where I just like, I don't know how I could ever get through that day. But it's like more like, oh, you know, if I don' t mess it up, the day will actually just go okay and i'll just be there right it's uh it's incredible and here you've been referencing right we complete this conclude this period of meditation with a prayer that i'd be shown through the day what my next step is going to be uh that i be given whatever i need to take care of these problems ask for freedom from self well right because that is that is the root of my troubles uh and make no requests for myself uh i can ask for uh self if others will be helped i have tried playing praying to win the lottery and promising to help a lot of people but That hasn't materialized for me yet. I haven't got my service pony either, which is weird. No service pony. It's weird. Well, if I win the million dollars, I'll get you one. I'll add that in. Maybe God will help me to win the lottery then. I'll pray for you to win. It's so selfless. This is great. So selfless finding loopholes. Never pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why. And it does. And usually that ends with me going back to God all distraught and in all kinds of pain and suffering because I've just been praying for my own selfish ends in some relationship or work or something. And I'm so sure, you know, it's like where the... I don't know if you pray to yourself, like where you want something to happen and you're sort of like, you think you're praying on it, but you're really just kind of praying to you. And then you kind of get down that road a little ways and it hurts and it sucks. And then it's Like, oh, damn it. I did it again. And that's usually pen to paper. but um and then circumstances warrant asking wives or friends to join a morning meditation if you're part of religious domination to attend to that also although i like the idea like do this first and then do that you know if you if you are part of some other traditions absolutely do them we know this works really well so do this and then get up to any other things that you would like to do i can select and memorize prayers emphasize the principles we've been discussing many helpful books also yeah like i like you said a while ago i love uh spiritual people spiritual books spiritual practices i can't get enough of it i will do and get involved in all sorts of things just it's just exciting it's cool or my mind was so shut before to all of that like oh that's stupid i don't need that uh towards now like i i will i seek it all over the place i really can't getting up a bit um yeah yeah no that's honestly that's what my experience has been I need to be rooted and grounded in this yeah but like man the more I seek the more it just kind of all falls into place and it's it's a beautiful beautiful thing and and yeah we're given directions and if I start with this and I start small but I build that momentum it will come see whatever I do or don't do builds momentum and if i just start with this and do it daily it'll just flow and it will become a working part of our mind a working part of our life, and it will happen for us. Yeah. I think the last part, I think this is a result. Yeah, I don't think this is something I can make happen. I Think this is grace. And it tells me as I go through my day, I pause when agitated or doubtful, like that's not me, right? That's, that's having this, this connection. This is seeking, this is asking, this has growth. Over a period of time, I get taken to a place where I can pause, where I actually have a moment to see that oh wait a minute maybe don't say that and ask for the right thought or maybe you know get to the point where instead of even thinking the thought you know it's like getting cut off in traffic you know you start with flipping the bird and chasing them home and then maybe just chase them a couple exits and then Maybe you just flip them the bird. And then maybe you get to the point we think man I hope they're okay, like they're driving really erratically. I really hope they're Okay, I hope there's something not going on, you know, maybe they're trying to go to the hospital or something like actually i could get to the point where it's not just about me imagine um but i think that's a result of this stuff this is where i get taken to is where I have that and I can ask for that right thought or action where I can remind myself that I'm not running the show where Ican say to myself that i will be done um and then it you know it gives me some beautiful promises right again I'm in a position uh where I'm less in danger of the things that are bad for me of excitement of the brainstorm you know the fear the anger the worry i become more efficient i don't tire so easily i can do more i'm more effective i've grown in understanding and effectiveness because i'm not burning up all my energy foolishly meaning you know just on me and things that i want and how am i going to get the things that I want and why isn't this happening and the self-pity uh and then it gives me it works it really does which is again another beautiful tie back into the third uh which is which was you know why you know we had to quit playing god why it didn't work and then you get taken here to it works it really does love it we're undisciplined so we let god discipline us in this simple way that uh we've just outlined what have we just outlined well all the steps but more specifically 10 and 11 that's the sort of constant you know return all the time every day watch watch watch and review uh but that's not all yeah there's more action there's a quote uh there's what that's that you have to go way back there if you want to talk i'll go get it i just want to close this up you want to yeah absolutely i can fill the time and so what i want to point out is so it gives us directions for the evening it gives us directions is he's not locked in is he okay i just there was a lot of concern behind me i'm like what happened is everyone okay all right so as we go throughout the day we pause when agitated or doubtful and does that not tie in with the tenth step in the direction to watch and it says and ask and again any time in this book it tells us to ask that is a prayer so we're going to ask for the right thought or action which mirrors the directions that we're doing in step 10 and when it says humbly saying to ourselves many times each day so we're working this like a mantra thy will be done what was the 10th step prayer how can i best serve thee thy will not mine be done and so uh what we're seeing is this um coming together of these 12 steps and again i'm a big believer, these steps, it's all 12 that need to be my foundation for life. I can't stay well on a foundation of solely one, two, three, because step one is I'm going to drink again. Step two is a solution exists. I don't got it yet. Step three, am I deciding to get there? And so I've got to take the action to get There. And I love that like, okay, we're into action. It's like, man, there's a whole lot of action. I got to do a whole bunch of stuff. Okay, I did have my nap. I had my quiet hour it's not actually a nap it's a time with God but it says faith without works is dead and so that is a theme throughout this whole book and what that means is faith which is belief in the power of God the power VA the power for the 12 steps the power my not that my sponsor is power but belief in these things without taking the action gets me drunk I need to take all this action or I will drink again and for somebody like me to drink is to die go ahead sorry yeah I just, I love this quote in Tradition 9. Yes! You know, it's important. Like we're laying this stuff out. We're talking about it like we believe it. I'm so excited. But the, you know, that like what we're talking about like living in step 10, living in Step 11, practicing those things every day, you know? Making your amends, going through that and what we are going to talk about and working with others. But it's not, you now, what it says here is that unless each AA member follows to the best of his ability are suggested 12 steps to recovery he almost certainly signs his own death warrant his drunkenness and dissolution are not penalties inflicted by people in authority they result from his personal disobedience to spiritual principles like this is not about uh it's not it'snot even about aa it'snoboutyourgroupit'snotaboutshowingupto like you're not proving anything to anyone you know there's no award for any of this kind of stuff but if we don't attend to this you know it gives me such a strong word I'm signing my own death warrant and my drunkenness and dissolution is a result of my not being obedient to these things you know. It's what's going to happen to me as a result of me not following this path so it can't be overstated you know that how important this work is if you diagnose yourself as an alcoholic in step one how necessary uh all of this is to your to your survival not because of anything to do with us you know not with any you know page and i like i'll sleep very if you if you go and get drunk tonight i will sleep very well tonight it won't it isn't because i didn't think you should uh it's because we have laid out a path will you be upset oh i will i'll be up all night there's some people like oh no and i'm like no no i am i'm not free of my codependency i'll worry about okay i'm not codependent i'm i won't worry i love that i just i love it you grab that because it's in the ninth uh tradition as well it talks about how great love and great suffering are our only disciplinarians we need no others and it ties us in beautifully to step 12 see in step 12 what i'm going to do and we're probably going to pop over to 60 maybe or or just over wherever we go who knows uh but pop away uh and we'll talk about how part of this 12th step, not the totality of it but part of the 12th set is carrying this message to another alcoholic and so my job is to carry this message these 12 steps is a way of life that's it, nothing less, nothing more that is my job, that is my responsibility to those who suffer but you see the great suffering is not my business I make the joke that I have a hardcover big book so I can beat the willingness but I don't, I don' t, these are words great suffering is alcoholism's business. That's the job of alcoholism, to beat somebody into a state of reasonableness. So if that's not my business, what is my business? Great love. Great love, that is my бизнес. And I don't mean that in the codependent, you can borrow my bank card sort of great love. Because there's nothing more loving that I can do for an alcoholic who is dying of this illness than simply to lay out down the simple kit of spiritual tools, these 12 steps show you how they worked with me and if you want to get well i will do anything to help you take this course of action i mean that you know that's great love and that's my responsibility great suffering that's alcoholism's job 100 so step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and practice these principles in all our affairs right yeah bill loved to use the same word for many things and i think that's what he's done here uh and but it's important like and we're we're real sticklers for this here if you've ever been to our back room any of the presentations i've done and certainly same for you page like they the words and the approach used in this book it's important that we're talking the same language because we're talking as a result of these steps a spiritual way there's all kinds of other spiritual awakens. You could have spiritual awakenings doing all things, but I can't carry a message of a spiritual awakening to somebody else in any other way than what I've seen. You know, I've worked with a guy who had a spiritual experience when he jumped off a bridge into icy cold river. He came out of the river transformed, but it's like, what's he going to do? Start pushing guys off a bridge into the river to try and carry this message? It's like no, but these steps can transmit that, right? These steps can transmit a spiritual awakening don't push people off bridges don't do that there will be you remember when you were little and your mom was like if all your friends jumped off a bridge would you i mean how scary is the fourth step now you don't know we can do that and we're going to try to carry this message what one the message in here the message of the 12 steps the ones contained in the big book we're not talking about anything else are there other things yes should you seek them. Yes, but that's not the message we're carrying. You know, like I've sat in sweat lodges. You don't need to go sit in a sweat lodge. It's awesome, but you don't have to do that. That's the message I'm carrying. I'm carry a 12-step message. I understand myself as an alcoholic. I'm properly armed with the facts about myself. I can transmit this message. Whether or not you get it, whether or not that's my business, that is not my business. I am trying to carry it. If you get well that's between you and god you know and that so that's my uh work in this but it's important that we're talking about this message and these steps and using these words so that you know whoever sponsored me and who sponsored them and who i sponsor and who they sponsor we're all talking about the same things we're all using the same way we're using the sam approach there's a bazillion four-step guides online this has a four-stepped guide and it's the one you should uses you know it's important it's important absolutely and I like breaking the 12 step down into three sections so as it's written on page 60 it says having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps and so we're kicking off stuff 12 with a promise and it's the same promise that Ebby Thatcher made to Bill Wilson we'll see that in Bill's story and it says my friend promised when these things were done so these 12 steps I took these actions that I would enter upon a new relationship with my creator. That's what I'm doing. I'm building a relationship, and then I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. I can take anything that I'm experiencing through this work. This is how I live my life today, and it is a promise. That promise that is made to Ebi from Ebi to Bill is being made to us here today. If I do this work to the best of my ability, I will have this experience, and I want you to know the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are alcoholic proof. They have to be. They're for drunks. So if you do this out of this book to the best of your ability, you will get well despite yourself. I know that to be true because I did. Despite myself not thinking I was worthy of it, not thinking i was deserving of it, terrified of elements of it. You know? I got well despite myself. And then as as you were saying I carry this message, these steps, right? And then it says practice these principles in all our affairs. Now a lot of people talk about the principles as in these more nebulous concepts like hope, faith, courage, justice or brotherly love, you know, that sort of thing and that's not wrong. I want to be very, very clear. That's wonderful, that's right. I sometimes take a bit of a different tact with it and I'm just doing that to shake things up, you Know what I mean? but when I look at the principles I like to take the lens that the principles are not simply and they can be as well I'm not saying I'm right, I want to be very clear I'm frequently wrong, ask my sponsor but these principles are the not nebulous ideas but instead the tangible actions of the 12 steps and that is what I have to practice in all my affairs what are my affairs? I thought we were supposed to be honest and having a sex idea. What's this thing about affairs? What I mean is in all areas of my life, right? So it's not AA over here and I'm good between the prayers and the meeting. It is this way of life I bring to family, I bring work, I don't drive so it's a lot easier but bring to traffic, bring to the grocery store, bring to these other areas that I practice these actions in all other areas. I just wanted to shake it up a little bit with that. Yeah, I know. Well, I think even Bill referred to the principles as the steps. You and Bill. We're homies. My billy boobs. So, I mean, working with others, fantastic chapter. We only have 20 minutes. But, you know, the opening is pretty strong. This is one of the areas, like, so there's different areas in which if you're working with people, if you've been around here for a while, where people will balk. And they may balk right at the beginning. They may not like the ideas presented that they're an alcoholic and they probably won't stick around that long or they won't have much success with that. They may balk at the idea of a power, at the ideia of God. They say no I'm not interested in that and that's fine too but again not not a very successful course of action. They make balk it writing inventory, they may bork it at doing a fifth step you know some people will write and then not do it or they'll do a fifth stuff and they'll feel so great about themselves that they will then balk at doing amends or they'll be amazed before they're halfway through and they stop. They may or may not adopt a 10th and 11th practice although that one is usually pretty pretty commonly done if you get to that point it's it's not a hard sell but but 12 is one where people definitely will be like I I'm not doing that I don't know how to do it I don' want to do that it's not convenient this is a place where people pull back big time and and you know working with people you'll hear oh I didn't you know I'm trying I just not meeting anybody nobody asked me uh oh i wonder how you can solve that problem um but they give me a real strong entry into i'll answer it don't worry practical experience shows that nothing will ensure immunity from drinking so much ensure nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics it works when other activities fail that is such an important line, which I will tell a story about later. Um, I want immunity. I want immunity. I don't want an 11th step program. I don'T want to get 11 steps and then go, okay, I'm good. And then just start rolling backwards, uh, and end up suffering and end up pain and end Up in the bedevilments and end UP in, in, you know, restlessness, irritable and discontentedness because you know what really takes care of that is a drink. Um so I, I need this. So they kind of gave me the carrot and the stick, right? They tell me, hey, you know, this, you need this. It's going to work when everything else fails, like going to meetings, for instance, or reading or doing all kinds of other things that will work most of the time. But this will work when everything, you know, above all, this is my medicine. And then the flip side of it is that they tell me life is going to take on new meaning. I want that too, right. My life had no meaning to me in in the grips of alcoholism i want it out uh but to to be in a place where i get to watch people recover to see them help others to watch loneliness vanish like it's hard to explain how amazing it is to sit with somebody and and have them go through this work with you what that looks like to see them light up to see then put a life back together to see damn work with some you know to give a sponsor a chip and then have them give somebody out like that is incredible the power of that is better than any any drug or drink or anything that i experienced before uh and again i have a full life there's a lot going on in there uh and yet this you know sitting knee-to-knee kitchen table big book kind of alcoholics anonymous to me it tells me i mustn't miss it you know this will be the bright spot of my life and it has been so they kind of give it to me on both sizes like you got to do it because you don't want to die but it's also pretty great you know it's like a cheesecake with medicine in it I don't know it's a medicine cheesecake I don' t know where that came from yeah and they give me working with others describes how i'm to go about this process you know and they're not going to read the whole thing but you if you don't know how to do it you can follow what it says in here because they sort of describe the things that i'm meant to talk about with the person when i first meet them and what sorts of things and and an order in which to reveal like uh you know how you don's start out saying hey you're an alcoholic you better get some help or like bill wilson did for six months pulling guys off of bar stools and you got to find Jesus. You know, it doesn't work, but we're, so we're given an approach, which is kind of, you know, you just talk to the person, kind of feel them out, get a sense of I need to be convinced whether or not they're an alcoholic. Now that's not to say they will be one or not, but it's whether or Not, I'm going to work with them. Right. And that's having a simple conversation, opening the door, finding out what they're like, and then sort of bringing it over to like, well, what are you doing here? Like why are you in an AA? Like what happened uh and and then it sort of guides me along in that process to sort of open the door more if they're oh well i can tell them about my my experience my spiritual experience stress that freely i can talk to them about what the program looked like how it did what it was and then i can offer to help them you know give them my book hey why don't you take this and read it uh and then get back together so there is a process described in here but it's also one where you know sponsorship is very important especially at the beginning like when my sponsor said to me hey time to start working with people i'm like what that's crazy what would i even say you know and i think that's where people get caught up on this step in 12 it's where the ego can really come in on fear uh and tell you you know there's no way you wouldn't know what to say you're going to hurt them you're gonna screw it up you're you're no good at this like it's just going to jump all over you to to pull you back right the ego doesn't want you doing this stuff so this is a great spot for it to really try and disrupt your your progress to disrupt your program uh this program uh to have you separate again uh the good news is is you don't have to be good at it you don'T have to know what to say uh you if you have a sponsor you've had a spiritual experience and you have a big book, you have everything you need to start working with alcoholics. Yeah, absolutely. And so I work with alcoholists and what I mean by that is I work avec men, I work ave women, I work ace drunks, you know? And what I will say is there's as a general rule, this is absolutely a stereotype, the men that I work ac are like, all right, they can't wait to sponsor. I'm like, girl, we have not done the doctor's opinion. Settle down. You know, like, you aren't there. But the women often need that extra push. Now, that's a stereotype. It's not just, you know, men versus women and that sort of thing. But here's what I found. Why are we afraid? Like you were saying, that self-centered fear, that egoic fear. What am I worried about? I'm worried I'm going to make it worse. Alcoholism is a progressive, incurable, and fatal disease. It is as bad as it can get. I can't make it worth. What am i worried about i'm worried i'm not going to have all the answers Well, I'm not expected to have all the answers. What is my role as a sponsor? My role as the sponsor is to take their hand and put it in God's hands. I don't have to know all the answer. Although in Step 11 it talks about how we have this vital sixth sense. These answers come. And it's experiential. You know what I mean? I've got to do it to learn it. You know, I've Got to take that leap of faith. I've GOT to do It. And so often you sit down with the sponsee and you're saying things and you are like, where did that come from? You know What I Mean? Yeah, you guys know. Absolutely. And you know what? I'm just going to give you something. You know what, magic. I'm not sure. Let me get back to you. Do you know What I mean? We can say that if somebody's like, hey, I have this question. I don't know what to do. I'm Not Sure. Let me ask my sponsor. Let me take it to prayer. Let me Get Back To You. Do you Know What I Mean? We Don't Have To Know All The Answers. And again, I Don't have to fix them. I Don'T have that power. If they are an alcoholic, they are beyond human aid. So all my effort and all my work and all My wishing and all of my trying cannot Keep them sober Cannot Absolutely cannot And I love, these are some of the Step 12 promises, we've got a whole bunch Do you want Go ahead One of the things We are so in tuned I don't think either of us had any idea We finished each other's sandwiches I like to have cheese what I want to point out is it is intensive work with other alcoholics I often tell my sponsees listen, you're allowed to have hobbies you're required to enjoy the Hamilton beachfront you're lied to do that stuff but it's got to be inconvenient do you know what I mean? I've got to at least be a little inconvenienced if I'm not a little inconvenience and need another sponsee. That's my experience. And I love that it talks about, you know, life taking on new meaning to watch people recover to see them help others. Like you were saying, to watch your sponsees get sponseese to see then recover to work with. I mean, that is the most incredible thing. That experience was what I was looking for in the bottle and if you would have told me when I was new that's as good as the third drink glow, I'd be like, girl. But it is. But it isn't. Like, that's the stuff. And when it says to watch loneliness vanish, just a quick thing about loneliness. Loneliness has nothing to do with physical separation from another human being. Because I don't know about you, I've felt lonely in a stadium full of people. I've fell lonely in room full of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've feel lonely, and not only alone in a relationship, I've feeling lonely and alone in the middle of an act of intimacy. What I come to find out is loneliness has everything to do with a sense of separateness from God. See, and the fifth step promises I can be alone at perfect peace and ease. I'm beginning to have that spiritual experience, but now the most incredible thing is I'm watching that and helping others have that experience. Now, it goes on, as you were saying, like, it gives directions on where to find alcoholics to work with. Well, in 2024, a very convenient place to find them is a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, perhaps you're not acquainted with any drinkers who want to recover. AA meetings might be a good place to find them. And so I don't have to in 2024. I mean, this is where our service bodies get involved. HNI, Public Information, CPC, that's where they get involved, but I don' t have to go to the hospital. I don''t have to call churches or call... Do you know what I mean? I just get to show up at an AA meeting. Now, and I'm sorry, because I think you were going to tie this in, but it said, you know, my responsibility is to make the approach. If somebody is new, they don't know what's wrong with them. They don't Know What to Do. They don' t know what a sponsor is. My responsibility is to make the approach. That is, the bare minimum I can do is get their number so I can bug them. I'll stop bugging them if they ask me to. I'm good with boundaries. And I love that it talks about that sort of introductory conversation. Now, that introductory conversation that we would see on page 90, Nowadays, I don't meet people through their family. Typically, I sit down with the alcoholic and ask them some questions about themselves. And the thrust of that is to seek to understand rather than to be understood. How can I be most helpful? Tell me what your drinking is looking like. Tell me What's bringing you here? Tell me, what are the ways and means you've tried to make to stop? What is your living? Like getting that information, you know, and offering. Like, do you know what a sponsor is? Do you know What we're doing? Because often, I didn't know. How would I know? Do you know what I mean? And I'm just going to, if you don't mind, I'll take us to page 18. Okay. Shenanigans! So on page 18... Oh yeah. Yeah, you know it's up. So it's right, it's the, well actually, I'm going to go with the italics on page 19. But the ex-problem drinker who has found this, this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself. So I'm armed with the facts about my alcoholism. I can tell you from my own experience what that allergy looks like. I can tells you from our own experience of what the mental obsession looks like, you know those stickers, we have stickers, of this cycle. I can show you examples from my life at a time when I said that's it I'm never going to do this again and I did it again. And I can share with you my examples of hopelessness. I can say I felt like that, I drank like that. I've been there and I have a way out because it is this solution generally win the entire confidence in another alcoholic in a few hours until such an understanding is reached little or nothing can be accomplished and it says the man who's making the approach my job is to approach that's my responsibility i approach them has had the same difficulty that he obviously knows what he is talking about that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer my job is not to yell at sponsees although i do get a little enthusiastic, but my job is to work these 12 steps in such a way that my deportment shouts. My deportment is how I look, how I carry myself, that ineffable light in the eyes of somebody who is transformed. That is my responsibility to show up and to be that light in The Darkness, to be That Lighthouse, to point safe harbor to those who do not know that there is a way out. My job isto be in love with this thing. You don't have to. This is my job. This is what i gotta do to be so filled with this power that man it's like what does she got and it's not the red bull there's quite a lot left uh like like that man i gotta have that too for those that are new for those that are coming back for those who've been around a while that is my responsibility to you not just so i get to live free but so that you can find this way of life if you're off the path and it says uh so that there is a real answer nothing uh that he has no attitude of holier than thou nothing whatever except a sincere desire to be helpful that's my job to help i cannot fix i cannot manage i cannot save i have tried you know i learned a lot about sponsorship from doing it wrong you know that's how i got to do it to experience it there are No fees to pay, no access to rides, no people to please, no lectures to be endured. But there might be some tangents because it's me. And it's like, man, oh man, I'll go page 100 and then pop it over to you if you don't mind. All right, page 100. These are just such a great promise. Page 100. It says both you and the new man, so that's once he, that new prospect, must walk day by day. This is a daily program of action in the path of spiritual progress. That's what matters. How am I progressing spiritually? If you persist, if we continue to do this imperfectly to the best of our ability, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we realize the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. In step three, when I was talking about my niece and my nephew that would take that leap of faith or I was taking about the alcoholism that's that beast It's driving me to the edge of the cliff, and I've got to take that leap of faith. Who's going to catch me? God. I'm going to land safely and securely in God's hands. Now, when I land there, I realize that it is better than anything I could have planned, and that is my experience. It says follow the dictates. That's not like rules. What that means is work these steps. Follow these directions. I have a capital H, capital E, higher power, and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances. That has been my experience, and i'll turn it over to you fantastic uh i'm going to 15. oh i love bill i love it i love bill right because this is if you look at him uh top first full paragraph he says my wife and i abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problem uh it was fortunate for my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half during which i found little work i was not too well at the time i was plagued with waves of self-pity and resentment like does that sound like somebody who should be helping people sometimes nearly drove him back to drink soon found that when all other measures failed work with another alcoholic would save the day many times I've gone to my old hospital in despair on talking to a man there have been amazingly lifted up and set on my feet is a design for living that works in rough going so you have you know the this is the the founder of Alcoholics anonymous one of them uh who is not well like of any of anybody who could say you know what i've done enough it would be bill right you know we're all alive here because of this stuff today and yet and he's not saying oh you know things were going so great i was making money i was feeling good i thought you know i could spare a couple of minutes to go down and talk to those sickos down at the hospital, and maybe they could have what I have. No, Bill felt like shit. He felt terribly. He had no money. He was struggling. He thought he was going to die. And he said, I don't know what else to do. I'm going to go down to the hospital and see if there's somebody I can talk to because when I do that, I feel better. I don' t get well to then go and help people. I help people to get well. This is my medicine. You know, I'm not here to get something. I have to be here to give something. And no matter how badly I feel, this is my medicine. And I mean, this stuff has saved my life. I've been in that place, you know, standing beside train tracks wanting to check out sober and yet work with another alcoholic saved the day. And that's when it says, you Know, when all other measures failed, because at that time it's like I'm trying to go meetings. I'm talking everybody's ear off about how bad it is for me. And I'm writing like self-will inventories just to try to feel better. I'm trying everything I can possibly think up to do and nothing works. I still want to die. And it's work with another alcoholic that saves today, getting together with a sponsee, going through some of this work together and I get saved. I'm saved through that. So you don't have to be, you don'T have to feel great. You don'T HAVE TO BE IN A GREAT SPOT. You DON'T HAVE to have it all figured out. You DONT HAVE TO HAVE THE PERFECT JOB AND ALL KINDS OF MONEY AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS SORTED OUT. And now you have time to do this. No, it's the other way around. You do this and all that other stuff is going to come. That's where your life will start to fall into order is through this work. It's through this carrying of the message. It's though attendance to the spiritual principles, to the disciplines. That is how we get well. It's backwards if you go at it the other day. You will never get well if you wait for yourself to get well before you attend to this stuff. Would you say that by chance It might be your medicine cake. They're going to listen to me! Medicine cake. Medicine cake, sponsee cake, I don't know. Sponsee kick. Well, I think that's it. We've got one minute, and Jeff is going to come back up here. I almost said the word again. But I want to say thanks very much for hanging out with us for the day. This has been a lot of fun. Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, sit down.