Step 10 and Daily Inventory – Big Book Workshop – Part 3 of 3 – Paul F.

Please help me open today's session with a moment of silent meditation, and please allow me to offer a prayer. After I finish that prayer, I will be concluding it with the serenity prayer, at which time feel free to join me. God, thank you for allowing us to come together and pray in this way. Thank you for providing us a place that we can come together. We would like to thank you, God, for those beautiful 12 steps. And thank you. Thank you, Lord, for allowing each and every one of us for being sober during this day. We humbly ask for your guidance, care, wisdom, direction, and love as we walk through these steps today. And God, please set aside everything that we think we know about ourselves, the book, sobriety, the steps in you, God. And God please help each and every one of us to have an open mind today so that we may have a new experience and discover the truth. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen. I'm Paul Fisher, and I'm an alcoholic. And I'd like to welcome everyone to the fourth session of the Big Book Workshop where we are taking the 12 steps as outlined in the Big Books. book of Alcoholics Anonymous so that we may experience freedom from our alcoholism. Today, we're going to be covering steps 10, 11, and 12. Let's turn to page 59. Step 10, continue to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admit it. Okay, let's move to page 84 where step 10 begins. We're going to go to page 84, paragraph 2. That's page 84 paragraph 2 where the authors say this thought brings us to step 10 which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the spirit so if i'm actively making my amends this is what i will experience i will have entered the world of the spirit our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness this is not an overnight matter it should continue for our lifetime continue to watch for selfishness dishonesty resentment and fear when these crop up we ask god at once to remove them we discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code. What I find beautiful about this paragraph is that the author has given me specific instructions on how to do a daily 10-step. If you look back at the beginning of this paragraph. It says, we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. No mention of at the end of the day when I retire, but as I go along, in other words, a 10 step is something I'm going to practice during the day. And the authors give us specific instructions here. They show us how to, how to carry out four spiritual practices. The first one is watch. If you go down eight lines in that paragraph, it says continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. Have you ever been to the mall and people watch? Or go to the park and you people watch? You don't interact with those people, you simply observe. That's what watching means if you want to have a new experience try practicing watching for a mere 30 days simply watch you that doesn't mean i analyze what i do i'm just simply observing so i'm watching for four things and then the authors instruct me what to do when this occurs is when these crop up we ask that's a prayer we ask god at once to remove them so if they crop up, at once I'm going to ask God to remove them. Immediately following, it says we discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. That means I'm gonna discuss it with somebody that day before I go to bed. And it also says, and make ammends quickly, if we've harmed anyone." So you see, I have this spot check inventory i can do during the day where i can make amends immediately then it goes on to say then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help so isn't that beautiful we have four we have four spiritual practices that we can do durante the day watch ask discuss and turn now what we have in the next paragraph are called the 10 step promises now this is providing that i've done everything up to this point meaning i've had a first step experience i found a power greater than me i made a decision to give my life to that god i did an inventory shared it with another person took the exact nature of my wrongs to god in six and seven compiled my harmless from my inventory began making my amends and began practicing the tenth step during the day check out the magnitude of these guarantees as we read on. And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. Wow. Would you like to be able to stop fighting anything or anyone? Does that sound cool or what? For by this time sanity will have returned. I am guaranteed to experience what the authors experienced. That has been my personal experience. I've also had the experience of not experiencing these promises when I don't do the work. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely normally. Wow! React sanely normaly. That's so foreign to me. And when we will find that this has happened... Check this out. And we will found that this is happening automatically. It doesn't say that I'm making it happen. We will see that our new attitude... There's that word again, new. New attitude. Not attitude, but new attitude. That means different than it was before. Toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. In other words, I'm not making it happen. All I'm simply doing is I'm just simply doing the footwork. It just comes. That is the miracle of it. We're not fighting it. Neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. Am I in a position of neutrality? Do I feel safe and protected? We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We're neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. Then they go on to tell us that is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. They're giving us a little checklist. it has been my experience personally as well as observing people i've worked with through the years in these rooms that there's fundamentally only one reason why i will drink again that's because i'm not in fit spiritual condition if i am in fit spiritual condition it is impossible for me to drink my god will not let it happen ask yourself well how am i going to know if i'm fit spiritual condition they just got through telling us this is how we react so i have a little checklist Let's see if I'm in a good spiritual condition. I go back and I start reading the beginning of that paragraph. Have I ceased fighting anything or anyone? Or am I getting into arguments with people all the time, getting into debates, getting on a crusade? Got to convince you this is the way you got to do the program. It says, for this time, Sandy will return. Has Sandy returned? Are you selling them interested in liquor and attempted? Have you been able to recoil from it as from a hot flame? Are you reacting sanely normally? He says, we're not fighting it. We feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. Now, if I am truly spiritually fit, and if I'm truly in a situation of neutrility, safe and protected, you know what that means? That means you cannot harm me. If I'm in a position of centrality, how are you going to hurt me? What are you gonna do? Steal my truck? Go ahead, take it. God is just going to give me another one. You want my money? Follow me. Follow me outside of the meeting, you know, where it's dark. And I go out to my truck and pull out a knife or a gun and say, I want your money. I say, okay, here, take it. Why? Because I'm safe and protected. God is going to Give Me More. I can go anywhere. I've been to places that people have told me not to go. Let's take it to the extreme. Let's say you get really resentful at me and you decide you want to kill me. Bring it on. I'm just going to a better place. That's what being safe and protected means. It means I'm no longer living in fear. That doesn't mean I don't experience fear. I'm not driven by fear anymore because I've become clear as a result of following the recipe in this book that I'm a spiritual being with a human condition, which means I're going to have human reactions. I'm going to experience sadness, grief, anger, disappointment, so on and so forth. But that's natural and normal for me. Next paragraph. It's easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest in our laurels. Here the authors are emphasizing that this is about action. We're headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. every day is a day when we must carry the vision of god's will into all of our activities how can i best serve thee if i will not mind be done these are thoughts which must go with us constantly we can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish it is the proper use of the will here the authors are clearly explaining to me to conform my will with god's is the properly used of the will. Check it out. We can exercise our willpower along this line, all we wish. What line? Thy will be done, not mine. So to conform my will with his, it says it is the proper use of the will. I'm supposed to use my will, provided I'm spiritually fit, provided that I'm having a spiritual experience, provided that I've done the previous 10 steps. So I'm supposed to use my will. We're not a bunch of automatons. I'm not supposed to use my brain. God gave me brains for a reason. Okay, on step 10 back there on page 84 in the second paragraph where it says that we suggest that we continue to take personal inventory and continue to sit writing any new mistakes as we go on. Those of you that are willing to practice a daily 10-step, why don't you go ahead and recite that out loud with me. Starting with the second line in the second paragraph on page 84. So paragraph two, second line, page 84, ready? We, we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. Congratulations. All right, we've completed step 10. So let's flip back to page 59 so that we can read step 11. Thought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him. Praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out. Okay, back here on page 85, paragraph 2, page 85. Paragraph 2. It says, much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration, and direction from him who has all knowledge and power. Notice the authors don't say that he has a lot of knowledge andpower. It says he has all knowlege andpower Now, if I have a resource available to me that has all nowledge andpower, what would be the best place to go for direction? That source Exactly. You know what I find really ironic in these rooms? And I have had this experience so many times. The very thing that has caused me more difficulty and pain and suffering has been my own head. And you know what's really interesting about that? I get a problem, you know the first place I go for a solution is my head. Now, is that insane or what? The thing that caused me most suffering and pain and humiliation when I came into these rooms the old ideas, beliefs and attitudes and perceptions that simply did not work, that is the first place I go for a solution when I have a problem so if I'm truly self delusional we read that didn't we back in the second and third step, that we are driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion self pity and self seeking, correct so if i'm truly driven by self delution, how am I going to know if I am self deluded I'm not going to know. That's like going to a fish and asking it, what is water? The fish will say, well, you know, it's everywhere. Think about the weight of that statement. If I'm self-delusional, how am I going to Know if I'm Self-Deluded? I'm Not Going to Know. That's why it's absolutely essential that this alcoholic maintain the strict disciplines of 10, 11, and 12. Can I rely on my interpretation, my perception of my own experience? Maybe I need other people. Maybe I Need Access to a God of My Understanding so that I can seek this knowledge and power. Okay, then the author is going to say if we have... Whoa, there's that word again. If we have carefully... It doesn't say if you follow directions. If we are carefully follow directions, we have begun to sense the flow of his spirit into us. what a promise to some extent we have become god conscious we have begun to develop this vital sixth sense but we must go further and that means more action now how many of you have gone to meetings and you've heard somebody speak and they pick the topic i'd like to hear your experience with your sixth sense it's right there in the book i mean the authors are telling us We have begun to develop this vital, you know what vital means? Essential for life. So am I going to be able to live in survival? I'm not talking about not drinking. I'm talking about living here. I'm telling about being free. Being free from my own mind, my own fears, inadequacies, self-doubts, etc., etc., etc. This vital sixth sense. So this sixth sense is absolutely essential for my life in sobriety. I'm encouraging all of you that are experiencing this vital sixth sense that you take that back to your meetings and start talking about it. Start sharing with people your own experience with your vital sixths sense. But we must go further, and that means more action. my 20 years of sobriety is not going to keep me spiritually fit now the truth is i don't want to do these disciplines i would love to be able to sit at home with my 20 years of sopriety and flip the old whatchamacallit from channel to channel and drink my sprite and be spiritually fit. Oh, I'd love to be able to do that. But that's not what my experience shows me. Am I willing to do the disciplines? Yes. Why do I do them? A couple of reasons. Not because I'm a truth seeker. There are no truth seekers in Alcoholics Anonymous. We're comfort seekers. That's why I maintain the disciplines. because I enjoy the comfort, the peace of mind, the serenity, the freedom, the reprieve from alcohol, being in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. That's why I do the disciplines on a regular basis, not because I want to do them. It's because I love doing them. I enjoy feeling comfort, and that's what these disciplines do for me. Let's read on. Step 11 suggests prayer and meditation. We shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer. Bitter men than we are using it constantly. It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. That is what is most important about prayer and meditation, is that I have the appropriate attitude and I'm willing to work at it. It would be easy to be vague about this matter, yet we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. Here is where the authors very clearly describe the evening review. And they give us a hint. Now remember, we are at step 11, correct? In the book, right? And then it says in the very next paragraph, when we retire at night. That's a clue. So if I'm going to retire at nighttime, at night, and these are the questions I'm gonna ask myself in my evening review. I'm wanna ask the same four questions that I ask myself as I go through the day, as I go along in step 10. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid? There's a question mark. That means it's a stop sign. I'm going to stop and I'm going to answer those questions. Do we owe an apology? There's another question mark Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once? Another question mark Were we kind and loving toward all? Another question Mark What could we have done better another question mark were we thinking of ourselves most of the time or were we thinking of what we could do for others and what we can pack into the stream of life that does not mean do as much as you possibly can and complete as many tasks as possible that has not been my understanding of pack as much I can into the dream of life what I'm hearing from that is where was I helpful who did I help but we must be careful not to drift into worry remorse or morbid reflection here's the warning you know we're not here there to beat ourselves up simply do a constructive review of my day for that would diminish our usefulness to others so you see i'm not used to other people i'm just simply sitting there beating myself up i'm simply reviewing my day per these questions okay here are the instructions after i do my review the authors are asking me to do two things in the next sentence after making our review we ask that sounds like a prayer doesn't it we ask god's forgiveness in other words you know um yeah i was thinking mostly of myself today god please forgive me for doing so no i wasn't kind and loving towards all please forgive me. And then there's that word and, which means in addition to. That means I'm going to do something in additionto prayer. Inquire what corrective measures should be taken. So if I'm inquiring what correctives measure should be taking, that implies I'm gong to listen. In other words, after I do my evening review, I'm gonna pray and meditate. We talked I talked about that last week, how essential it is for me to meditate in addition to pray. You see, if all I'm doing is praying, I'm not completing step 11 in its entirety. Notice the wording of step 11. It doesn't say sought through prayer to improve my conscious contact. So you see, If all I am doing is not praying and meditating, am I going to improve my relationship with God? Am I going receive the knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out? My experience has been no. if my friend Scott here calls me up and invites me to his house for a party and I hang up the phone before I receive directions I'm not going to know which way to go to get there that's what prayer without meditation is like I've created a lot of unmanageability in my life and sobriety as a result of not meditating on something but rather praying I had made decisions based on self which later placed me in a position to be hurt That's how essential it is for me to practice daily meditation. So isn't this beautiful? They're giving us a specific outline of how to do evening review, and they're giving me instructions to pray and meditate when I finish my evening review. Next paragraph. They show us how to go to bed. How to do morning meditation. They give us a clue when to do it in the first two words. On awakening. on awakening let us think about the 24 hours ahead we consider our plans for the day before we begin we say a prayer says we ask there's a prayer we ask god to direct our thinking especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity dishonest or self-seeking motives under these conditions we can't employ our mental faculties here the authors are implying we are supposed to use our brains. Employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all, God gave us brains to use. Our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. After step nine, you may notice that the authors have made a shift. Four through nine is about conduct. It's about where I was wrong, where I've caused harm, where I've been selfish, where i've been self-seeking, where I've been dishonest, et cetera, et cetera. Now the authors have moved into the thought life. After all, it does say on page 23 that the main problem of the alcoholic center is in his mind rather than in his body. Isn't that correct? So what needs more attention? My mind. It's the main thing. It's my main problem. So here are the authors that made a shift. Now they're shifting into let's concentrate on our thought life Our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives. This helps me to address the self-delusion. In thinking about our day, we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here, we ask, there's another prayer, God for inspiration and intuitive thought or decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. Notice that the authors are not instructing me to ask god to keep me sober if i truly believe if i truly conceded to my animal self that i have no power over alcohol and there's absolutely nothing i can do to keep myself sober and i'm sober and i've come to believe in a power of breathing myself and i made a decision to give my life to that what's keeping me sober is it me is it that relationship is it work maybe it's your income that has not been my experience so if i've applied those principles if i followed that recipe in this book up to this point and god is keeping me sober why do i need to go to him and ask him to keep me sober consider this for a moment my wife is in the kitchen and she's washing dishes. And I go in and I say, Jan, would you wash the dishes please? She's likely to frown at me. I'm certain she will frown. She's going to give me that look like I'm already doing it. Why are you asking me to do something I'm already doing? You see, I became, I fell victim to that for a long time in the time I was bouncing in and out of these rooms. Yes, I ask God to keep me sober every day. To my knowledge, this book doesn't say anything about not drinking one day at a time. To say that I am not going to drink one day at the time implies that I still have some reservation. That has been my experience with relapse. I hear that from relapsers a lot. Yeah, I'm asking God to get me sober day at a time every morning. I asked him to keep you sober. Why? He's already doing it. They're instructing me to follow directions, a plan of action to direct my thinking. Let's go ahead and check that out. Let's see what the books have to say about it. Okay, here we go. Turn to page 33. Page 33, paragraph 1, line 9. If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. No reservation. I'm going to jump ahead here just to illustrate a point. Here we go, page 90, paragraph 3. Page 90, line 6. Then let his family or friend ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so. You see, what happened to me in that period of time that I was bouncing in and out of these rooms and couldn't stay sober was that I wasn't willing to quit. I was not willing to go to God and ask him to remove it for good. Now, to say that I'm willing to give it up for good does not imply that I have power to keep me sober. What that does imply is I'm willing to go to any length to stay sober. That means I'm going to resort to any spiritual principle I possibly can in order to not drink because I don't have the power to get me sober so that means I need to call on the power from a God of my understanding If you're having resistance to this I simply ask you to consider if you have had that experience. Without exception, every time I go to a meeting, go to a roundup, convention, and I hear a speaker say something that I have resistance to, most of the time it is because I have not experienced it. When I heard people say things like they felt safe and protected, they were in a position of neutrality, that they stopped fighting everybody and everything. I had resistance to that. You know why? Because I never had the experience. How many people in here can tell me about bungee jumping? I have experience with bungee jumpin'. So what can you tell me bungee-jumping? Nothing. You have nothing to offer me about Bungee Jumping because you have no experience with it. You can share a lot of opinions, a lot ideas, a lots of perceptions but do you have any experience with it. I have some personal experience with that. I know what it's like. I wouldn't do it again. One time wasn't enough for me, but it was a positive experience. I'm not going to go into that right now. But the point I'm trying to make, you know, in early sobriety I found it necessary to ask God to help me stay sober because I had not had a spiritual awakening yet i had not dialed into god's power see that's why it's absolutely essential that we be taken through these steps as quickly as possible see i'm the real alcoholic that they talk about on page 21 given sufficient reason isn't going to keep me sober i need to get to the power and i need you to get through it now now it has been my experience you cannot take anybody through these steps too quickly. However, you can take them through too slowly. Maybe that has something to do with the decreased success rate within the rooms of our meetings. My God, how did these guys have a 75-93% success rate? Especially in the Cleveland and Akron area. What were they doing that we're not doing? Give this some serious thought for a moment. Medicine has made major advancements since That's 1939, 1944. There were treatment centers. They didn't have treatment centers then. They had drying-out hospitals where they detoxed people. Psychology has made a lot of advancement since then, and yet the success rate in AA is lower today than it was then, and they had fewer resources. But the resources that were available to the alcoholics in 1944 are the same resources that are available to us today. And it's called The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's called the spiritual principles that are contained within the first 103 pages, giving me the instructions on how to do the 12 steps. Before we get into the promises, which is at the top of page 87, the promises of prayer and meditation, I'll share with you what I personally do. i don't ask god to keep me sober he's already doing it keep in mind i have to keep i have to do my part so basically what i do is this i follow the instructions on this page the first thing to do is i ask godto direct my thinking especially that would be divorce and self-pity dishonest or self-seeking motives then i say another prayer i ask for inspiration a two-to-thought or decision today. Then I ask God to help me to relax, take it easy and not struggle. And that's when I move into my meditation for listening. And that is when I ask, what would you have me be today? Today the guidance that I receive is rather simple. I typically receive guidance like, enjoy yourself today. Be kind and patient with other people. Listen. Listen, if you will practice this prayer and meditation, I can guarantee you your life will change in a relatively short period of time. Try not to misunderstand me. I'm not saying that sobriety is solely contingent on prayer and medication. I need to practice all the principles, not just those. But those have been very instrumental in my life. And as I stated last week, there's no right way to meditate and there's No Wrong Way. What you need to do is find a way that works for you. Let's look at the promises. This is what used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration. Here they are instructing us to be patient. Gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Once again, notice the office are putting emphasis on the thought life. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. So I'm not inspired at all times I tell myself, oh, it's not working. Remember what we read at the beginning of this. It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it. We might pay for this presumption and all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, here's the thought life again. We find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it. Isn't that beautiful? My thinking's going to change. They're telling me, be patient. I'm not going to be inspired at all times. Now I'm going to finish prayer and meditation, then we're going to take more action in the next paragraph. We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer. So I'm gonna pray, meditate, pray in the morning. That we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be. that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask, here's a prayer, we ask especially for freedom from self-will and we are careful to make no requests for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why. That's one of the things I love about Steps 10 and 11. They guarantee that I'm going to make mistakes. That's why I need those bookends. Isn't that beautiful? I've got two beautiful bookends I have a bookend in the morning where I'm gonna do prayer, meditation, prayer. I'm wanna do a daily 10-step during the day as I go along. And at night I'm doing I'm not gonna do evening review and I'm only gonna do prayer and meditation when I finish. This has been my experience. I will only experience one of two things within the rooms of AA. I'm either getting better or I'm getting worse. There is no in-between. No one, to my knowledge, has ever coasted uphill. It's real easy to spot people who are doing these disciplines. They don't take themselves so seriously. They seem to enjoy life much more fully. They laugh more. They make fun of themselves. You know why it's important for us to not take ourselves seriously? Because we are the joke. we are it we are the joke that's why I can't take myself seriously another reason is you're not going to during the week I asked you to consider doing the written meditation exercise where you write down the guidance that you received during meditation and then test it against the four absolutes i'm asking for any volunteers anybody who would be willing to share the guidance that they received this week i understand that this is a personal matter in two-way communication with the god of your understanding i'm hoping those of you that did do it would be unwilling to come forward and share with us the guidance you receive from god in order to show yourself and other people that guidance does come during meditation. Do I have any volunteers? Come on up. My name is Joseph, and I'm an alcoholic addict. Very grateful to be alive today. I had the most major and profound contact from my higher power this past week. I've been a sober member of AA for a little over seven months now. My father's coming out to visit me from New York, and him and his wife asked me to go up to Las Vegas for the weekend with a bunch of my uncles and so forth. And while in this meditation this morning, it just came to me out of nowhere that I wasn't ready to go to Arizona or, I mean, to go To Las Vegas. and uh so i went right to the four you know absolutes then i had to think about my son who has been asking me you know twice a week when am i coming home to see him so i had to say to myself you know if i go to las vegas i love to gamble and i love women and i want to spend a lot of money that i don't really have and i'd really like to go see my son so that was my unselfish thing from god and i had to be honest with my father and his girlfriend also that, you know, maybe it wasn't the right time for me to go there. Will this choice bring me happiness or will bring others around me happiness? And I said, yes, this is going to bring me happiness and it's going to brings others around me happiness by me not going there. And I got a lot of comfort out of this decision. And that's the most important thing, I think, because, you now, I was delusional, very delusinal, realize that, and I'm just really grateful to be here, and thank you for listening. That's wonderful. Anyone else? Come on up. Well, I didn't... My name's Monica. I'm an alcoholic. But I've been been an investment manager for 20 years, managing money. I define myself as a portfolio manager, a good wife, a good mother and an athlete. And right now, I'm none of those, so I'm lost. So when I meditate, I started swirling around and thinking negative that what happened to me? You know, where am I? And it took me a long time. I mean, it took about the fifth or sixth day and I decided to do a little bit each day, two or three times a day rather than try and meditate for 30 minutes because I just couldn't sit still that long. Meditating it finally came to me that maybe after 20 years of doing what I'm doing, maybe I'm not supposed to do that anymore. Maybe there's something more important for me to do. And I think it's step 12. I mean, I really think it is. now just searching but I know that actually look forward to two or three times during the day is to quiet quiet my mind and really look forward in fact I get a little cranky if I you know can't because it's the only time I allow myself to lay down on the bed and don't worry about anything you know don't worried about my daughter. Don't worry about, you know, money is another issue. I may have to file bankruptcy. The bills, I can't seem to sit and do my own bills. I mean, you know, I'm a financial manager 20 years and I'm, I am a financial wreck. The meditation helps you listen. And an interesting thing because I'm so numbers oriented, an interesting thing came to me in one of those times you called in between the racing times I can't remember what you call it but an image of a very creative bracelet that I will make for my daughter and her name is Morgan and so since we're both M's the ends are going to be you know connected and you know I've never been create I'm not I don't have a creative bone really in my body art I can't do but this real creative side came to me and I I thought that was interesting because they saw something in me that I in the last 20 years I didn't think existed actually so I'm learning and I'm trying my best to work the steps um so with that i'll pass like to thank those of you uh who are willing to share with us the guidance that you receive from god step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. The first part implies having had a spiritual awakening as the result. It doesn't say a result, it says the result of these steps. The second part is we try to carry this message to alcoholcs. And the third part is to practice these principles and all our efforts. You see, what I've discovered is that the real work is step 12. you see what the steps do is they prepare me to do the real work and that's what we're going to talk about today there's an there's a chapter chapter 7 beginning on page 89 which is entirely devoted to working with others numerous times through the years i've heard people say you know i really wish we had some literature and sponsorship we have a whole chapter on sponsorship. It's called Working with Others. What I love about this chapter is that the authors give me specific, clear-cut directions. What to say, what not to say. What to do, what not to do. When to do it, when not to do it. If you haven't read this chapter, I would strongly encourage you to do so. We're going to cover some of the highlights of this. Let's start with page 89, paragraph 1. Page 89, paragraph 1, practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. So maybe it's essential that I work with other people. Page 90, paragraph 1. When you discover a prospect for Alcoholics Anonymous, find out all you can about him. In other words, let him talk. Let her talk. Find out who it is you're dealing with. What this does for me is gives me some perspective, which direction to take. If he does not want to stop drinking, don't waste time trying to persuade him. It's a waste of time to work with someone who doesn't, who's not willing to work with you. Because when I do that, I'm depriving another alcoholic and I am depriving me. Okay, paragraph two, page 90. If there is any indication that he wants to stop, have a good talk with the person most interested in him, usually his wife. Get an idea of his behavior, his problems, his background, the seriousness of his condition, and his religious leanings. You need this information to put yourself in his place, to see how you would like him to approach you if the tables were turned. Once again, we want to get as much information as we can about the person. Next paragraph, six lines down. Then let his family or friend ask him if he wants to quit for good and if he would go to any extreme to do so. How many people in here want to quit für good? Are you willing to go to ANY extreme to do SO? Page 91, paragraph 3. Page 91. Paragraph 3. See your man alone, if possible, have first engaged in general conversation. After a while, turn the talk to some phase of drinking. Tell him about your drinking habits, symptoms, and experiences to encourage him to speak of himself. If we're encouraging him to speak, that means we're going to listen. We're not going to sit down and preach to the person and tell them this is what you need to do. If he wishes to talk, let him do so. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed. If he is not communicative, give him a sketch of your drinking career up to the time you quit. This is very important. But say nothing for the moment of how that was accomplished. If he is in a serious mood, dwell on the troubles liquor has caused you, being careful not to moralize or lecture. If his mood is light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Get him to tell some of his. When he sees you know all about the drinking game, commence to describe yourself as an alcoholic. Tell him how baffled you were, how you finally learned that you were sick. Give him an account of the struggles you made to stop. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism. If he is alcoholic, he will understand you at once. He will match your mental inconsistencies with some of his own. If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic, begin to dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady. Show him from your own experience. That's what we stick to, our own experience, how the queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the willpower. Don't at this stage refer to this book unless he has seen it and wishes to discuss it. And be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion so when i work with new guys i go into it not assuming that they're alcoholic what i do is i go in to it giving them the dignity of finding the truth about their experience next paragraph page 92 which is paragraph 2 continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness a fatal malady talk about the conditions of body and mind which accompany it keep his attention and focus mainly on your personal experience. That's why I'm there to share my experience, not my opinions, not my ideas, not what church he should go to, who he should be married to or not be married to, what job he should have. That's none of my business. Page 93, third line from the top. Now, notice before we read this, up to this point, basically all we've done is listened i'm swapping experiences with him i'm sharing some of my my mental inconsistencies the mental obsession some of the things that occurred to me when i was drinking and then they tell us this third line from the top of page 93 tell me exactly what happened to you stress the spiritual feature freely so see up this point i'm not going to even mention it if the man be agnostic or atheist make it emphatic that he does not have to agree with your conception of god he can choose any conception he likes provided it makes sense to him so you see his understanding of god doesn't have to make sense to me what's most important is that it makes sense to the main thing is that he'd be willing to believe in a power greater than himself and that he lived by spiritual principles okay turn to page 95 paragraph 2 page 95 paragraph 2 if he is not interested in your solution if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. I'm not a banker. I'M NOT A HOTEL. I'M THERE TO SHARE MY EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH AND HOPE WITH HIM. PAGE 96, PARAGRAPH 1. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED IF YOUR PROSPECT DOES NOT RESPOND AT ONCE. SEARCH OUT ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC AND TRY AGAIN. YOU ARE SURE TO FIND SOMEONE DESPERATE enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on anyone's situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. Sounds like Bill Wilson. First 12 guys that he worked with didn't stay sober. He was disappointed. He went back to his wife, Lois, and said, you know, I've been talking to these drunks and none of them are staying sober. She said, well, you are. So you see, when I work with others, it does not matter whether they stay sober. It does not mater if they follow through. It does no matter if they call. If they're not willing to work with me, I find another person. Notice also, it doesn't say anywhere in this book, to my knowledge, that I go to meetings and I kick back Can I wait for the newcomer to come to me? Where would this program be if Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob did that? If they sat at home and said, you know, nope, the phone hasn't rang. They sought them out. Have you ever noticed newcomers in meetings raising their hands and saying, Hi, my name's John, I'm an alcoholic, and I need a sponsor. I need to work with somebody. You know what I do when they ask for any other A announcements? I raise my hand. Hi, I're Paul, I'M an alcoholic. And I need some money taken through the steps. So if there's anyone here that needs to be taken through the steps, please see me after the meeting. I have a responsibility to be available to the newcomer. That means I'm not going to wait for them to come to me. I'm simply sharing with you what I was taught to do by my first sponsor. So when I'm at a meeting, there might be 10 people there that I want to hug from that I'm close to. But if there are newcomers there and they stand up, I'm going to ask them, do you have a sponsor? And if they say no, I don't ask them if they want one. that's i'm telling you that's what my book says i don't ask if they want to sponsor i sign myself i say well you got one now i'm your sponsor well what if i don'T want you to be my sponsor well then go get another one but the point is i'm taking responsibility for carrying the message of hope to the alcoholic hey let's go grab some coffee you open to doing that then we sit down and i do as outlined in this book sit down and get more information from the person find out who it is I'm dealing with. See, I don't know about the rest of you. I want to stay sober. I want to be free. I cannot be free by not working with others. My 20 years of sobriety will not keep me sober. Sobriety does not keep us sober. That's simply a gift. That gift isn't going to keep me sore. Remember, I'm a real alcoholic. I can't survive on the food I received yesterday. I need new spiritual food today. And I can't rely on what I did yesterday to maintain what I'm experiencing today. Here's something to consider. What would happen to AA if everybody in AA did sobriety the way you're doing it today? What would happen to AAA if everybody in AA was doing sobriety the way you're doing it today. I have a responsibility when I go to meetings today to carry a message of hope. What that means is this. I am not there to talk about my problems. That's what sponsors are for. That's why I'm here. That's where coffee before the meeting, coffee after the meeting is for. Stop and think about it. You go to a meeting, you dump, you whine, you complain, you got some new person in there. Do you think that person wants to come back? The point I'm trying to make is this. Those of us that have gone through the steps and have had a spiritual awakening, we have a responsibility to carry hope to the meetings. So when that newcomer comes in and he hears hope, he or she wants to return to that meeting. I'm coming back to this meeting. I heard a lot of hope. Page 97, paragraph 1, line 2. Page 97. Paragraph 1,line 2. Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act a good Samaritan every day if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights' sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. So ask yourself, do I have a foundation stone? Am I working with others? Am I helping other people? Page 98, paragraph 1, line 8. page 98 paragraph 1 line 8 some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth job or no job wife or no Job we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God my sobriety is not contingent on my sponsor it's not dependent on him it's important that I have one it's It's important that I maintain contact with him. Bring the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trusts in God and clean house. Last line on page 99. Last line on page99. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God. Notice it does not say that it is dependent on God. It says dependent upon his relationship. Now, this is where prayer and meditation comes back in. If I'm going to have a relationship with someone, that assumes that I'm gonna spend time with them. Is that correct? So if I'm gong to have a relationship with my friend Michael here, that means I need to spend time with him. I need to talk to him and I need to listen. A relationship isn't where I'm doing all the talking. That's not a relationship. A relationship involves talking and listening. Paragraph 1, page 100. Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. If I persist, it's remarkable. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned. follow the dictates of a higher power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances page 102 page 102 paragraph 2 your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful so if i'm doing the work which is working with others i'm carrying the message, not the mess, not my opinions, not my ideas. What I've learned as a result of going through these steps on a repeated basis and continuing to work with others that when I sponsor someone I have only three responsibilities. Only three. Take them through the 12 steps. Tell them the truth and love them. To love them simply means let them be right where they are. It's important for me to let the guys I sponsor, to let them struggle. I'm not there to repair their struggles. Which reminds me of a story of a little boy who goes out to the woods and he sees a butterfly in a cocoon struggling to get out. He decides to help the butterfly. So he pulls out his pocket knife and he opens up the cocoon so the butterfly can get all the way out. The butterfly is able to get all the way outside of the cocoons and then he falls to the ground and dies. the little boy runs home and he asks his father he says daddy daddy I tried to help this butterfly and he died what happened and the father says well son you know that butterfly needed to struggle so it could develop the strength so it would fly I have no desire to get in the middle of someone's experience I take the person through the steps it's not my job to continually go back and hound them and remind them are you doing those amends that's not My job this is what my sponsor did for me he sat me down basically he did how it's outlined in this book and he got a good idea of what I would you know what my drinking and of course my using was like at the time and he asked me a couple of simple questions he said are you willing to go to any length to have a spiritual experience I said yeah he said are you going to are you doing everything I ask you to do with no debate ooh he said well are you willing to consider that my judgment about your life is infinitely better than yours. After all, I've been bouncing in and out of AA for 12 years. Yeah, but you don't understand. I've Been Around These Rooms For A Long Time. That was the problem. I'd been around. I had not been in it. And you could always spot me in a meeting. You could tell I was a relapser. And you Could Tell That I Was Operating On Self-Will because I would say things like, yeah, I put together X amount of sobriety. That was the problem. I put it together. I said, yeah but I've been around these rooms for a long time. He said, now wait a minute. He said you have absolutely nothing we want. You have absolutely nothing to offer us. What do you have to offer? Do you have any experience in living a spiritual way of life? Well, you know I know something about spiritual living And it says, I said, yeah, he said, but wait a minute. Do you have any experience? No. He said, I'll tell you what. He said I want you to go to meetings and I want you to shut up and don't talk because you have nothing to offer until you go through all 12 steps and you have a spiritual awakening. Then you will have something to offer. He's by the way, he's all that drinking you did you know and putting those needles in your arms and carrying those weapons and all that. He said if we need any help in that area, we'll call on you. In the meantime, just go to meetings and listen. I'll tell you, it was tough because, you know, I had some great ideas and you people needed to hear about them. And I had a lot of ideas. But the point is, in the 12 years I was bouncing in and out of the rooms, I was going around sharing opinions on experiences I never had. You start talking about the four-step, I'd share it. Yeah, this is what I think about the fourth step. I had no experience with it. It's like you coming up to me and trying to tell me about bungee jumping. You don't have a clue. You have no experience with it. You have experience in an area. If you have experience with making amends, I'm going to come to you and ask you. If you Have Experience With Repairing Relationships, With Take Care In Finances, Etc., Etc. I'm Going To Go To You. I'm Gonna Seek You Out. What He Did Is He Took Me Through Those Steps Really Quick. Lasted Six Weeks And He Cut Me Loose. Said, Okay, I Want You To Start Working With Others. I Was Terrified. Oh My God, I'M Going To Kill Someone. No, I'm not. I had an experience. I had a spiritual awakening and I got a lot of flack from people saying, you haven't been sober long enough. Where does it say that in our book that we have to be sober one year before we start sponsoring others? Bill Wilson wasn't sober a year. Dr. Bob wasn't sober a year when he started carrying the message. The only prerequisite is that I have gone through all 12 steps and I've had a spirit. A spiritual awakening. Now I have something to offer. Now I have the message. And I've had experience with sharing the mess, and it was not helpful. Sharing your experience and the solution in this book with another suffering alcoholic you will not want to miss. Attempt to convey to you the excitement and the joy and the jubilation of sharing with another alcoholic is hard to convey if you haven't had the experience. Only the people who have done it will truly understand what it's like. It's an absolute joy to work with other alcoholics. Now, my mind doesn't always say that. I mean, I've sponsored guys through the years who are like emotional vampires. The kind of person you put in your car and you're driving down the street and the street light's dim every time you drive under them. You know, they say, oh God, I don't want to spend time with him because I'm going to go there and I'll have to listen to all this whining and then I'm gonna have to turn around and call my sponsor and whine about his whining, which is something we all do. But, you know, and I'm on the way there and I think, geez, I want to be with this guy. You know, he's in victim posture and he's going to whine. He's going start talking about this. And yeah, I look at my watch thinking I'm going to miss that game. I'm gonna have to get the score. You know? I'm gunna miss out on that. You know. And I get there and invariably sometime in the middle of doing the step work, something magical happens. And I start to have gratitude. And I'm thankful. and spontaneously this prayer goes off in my head that says thank you god thank you for allowing me to be here and i walk away and my cup is full and then next week i go through it all over again you know but it's from the experience so you see it doesn't matter what my mind tells me it's the experience of the transformation that i experienced as a result of continuing to work with others. You see, the newcomer is the lifeblood and the old timer is the heart and neither one can survive without the other. I need the newcomor and the newcomers needs the old timers. So you see, we're in this thing together kind of reminds me of an experience that I had watching the Discovery Channel. They had these buffalo, it was in Africa these African buffalo and they were all, this herd of them was going through a pasture and on the perimeter of the pasture were these lions and the lions were just laying there not even moving a muscle and then all of a sudden one of the buffalo left the herd and immediately the lions pounced on him and killed him and I looked at that and I thought wow that's just like AA when I stick with the herd I'm okay but the moment I leave the herd I'm dead meat I'd like to welcome all of you to the fourth dimension Before we close tonight, there are a couple of things that we're going to go over. Why don't you pull out your questionnaire that we reviewed in our first session? These were questions on beliefs in AA that we were being asked to answer true or false before and after our step work. The purpose of this is to see if there was any change in what you believe. It's entitled, Questions on Beliefs in AA. Okay, true or false? If we are planning to stop drinking, all we have to do is not drink one day at a time. True or false. False. On page 33, it says if we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. Next one. Once I take the steps, I will have a partnership with my higher power. False. Look what it says on page 62 and 63. Let's take a look. just telling me on page 62 and 63 that he's a principal and i'm his agent does that sound like a partnership 63 they're telling me that i'm going to have a new employer does that sound like a partnership if he has all the power does that sounds like a relationship Nope. You ever seen that bumper sticker? God is my co-pilot. Oh, my goodness. That sounds dangerous. God is My Co-Pilot? If God's My Co‑Pilot, who's driving the car? Who's in charge? Me! Uh-oh, look out! Okay. Oh, boy. Next one. Once I fully understand God, I will be free from my alcoholism. False. Wonder why? Let's see what it says in the book. Can I fully understand God? No. It's impossible, isn't it? For me to fully understand God is to be God. I still don't understand God. Okay. The big book is the only book I need to read. We just read that on page 87, where the authors are suggesting that we read outside literature. Next one. It is not necessary to do step four more than once. True or false? What do you think? False. Page 71. If you have already made a decision, that's step three, and an inventory of your gross or handicaps, that's set four, you have made a good beginning. It doesn't say we're finished. There is no way I'm going to uncover everything I need to uncover that blocks me from God in one inventory. We can win the confidence of another alcoholic by relating to their experiences. Let me read it again. Wecanwintheconfidenceofanotheralcoholicbyrelatingtotherexperiences. What do you think? True or false? What do you think? They have to relate to our experience? Let's see what the book says. Page 18, if you'd like to know where the answer to this is. In the italicized part, it says, But the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution... They're talking about what? The spiritual solution. Who is properly armed with facts about himself can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. So you see, I have to have found a solution and being properly armed with facts about myself. Next one. Our purpose in sobriety is to get back into the mainstream of life. True or false? what is our what is our purpose hmm yeah a real purpose is to fit ourselves to be a maximum service to God and the people about us that's on page 77 next one there are many different ways you can work this program true or false false it's really clear on page 58 very first thing we hear and how it works in every single meeting rarely have we seen a person fail was thought thoroughly followed our path path doesn't have an s on it next one our sobriety is the greatest possession what do you think is our sobrietty our greatest possession let me share with what share with you what it says on page 124 the alcoholic's past thus becomes the principal asset of the family and frequently it is almost the only one cling to the thought that in God's hands the dark past is the great possession you have wow the key to life and happiness for others so my greatest possession is my past it's not my sobriety the authors and of the big book encourage us to drink true or false what do you think page 31 let's see what the what the authors say step over to the nearest bar room and try some controlled drinking that sounds like a encouragement to me they're encouraging me to go out and try something controlled drinking see their authors are trying to find out. Are you really an alcoholic? Do you really have no power? Okay. Next one. Our main focus needs to be on the alcoholic, not on their family. True or false? Our main focus needs to be on the alcoholic, not on their family. Let's see what it says in the big book. On page 97, it says, Though an alcoholic does not respond, there is no reason why you should neglect his family. You should continue to be friendly to them. The family should be offered your way of life. We don't hear enough of this in meetings. I've had many opportunities in sobriety to go out and work with the family when the alcoholic wasn't willing. to seek a solution. So we need to be willing to offer that to the family as well. Next one. It takes a long time to recover from alcoholism. Maybe it's true. What do you think? It takes along time to recover from alcohol. If it took a long time, how come it didn't take Dr. Bob and Bill Wilson very long? Let's see what the book says on page 118. We do not like the thought that the contents of a book or the work of another alcoholic has accomplished in a few weeks that for which we struggled for years. Another quote, page 158. See what it says over here. On the third day, the lawyer gave his life to the care and direction of his creator and said he was perfectly willing to do anything necessary his wife came scarcely daring to be hopeful though she thought she saw something different about her husband already wow he had begun to have a spiritual experience you in this workshop have had personal experience in a matter of four weeks you've gone through all the twelve steps okay the next one the steps are not required they are suggested that's a tricky one isn't it somebody said true well it does say in chapter 5 that the steps are suggested correct let's see what it says in another place in the book page 25 But almost none of us like the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. So if I'm going to succeed, the steps are required for me. They are not suggested. It reminds me of a story this guy was telling. He was telling me about a friend of his who conducted skydiving, and in his hangar he had all these parachutes hanging on the wall with a big sign on the top of it pointing to the ripcord ring saying, And this ring is but suggested when you are up there. Now, is our life any less important than the person who's skydiving and has a ring that they can pull? It's only suggested that they pull it. Right? For this alcoholic, the steps are required, according to my own experience and the experience of the authors in this book. the next one going to meetings and not drinking is vital to our recovery what do you think going to meetings and not drinking is vital to our recovery let's see what it says in Roman numeral 17 Roman numeral 17 It also indicated that strenuous work, one alcoholic with another, was vital to permanent recovery. That's at the top of Roman numeral 17, which is X-V-I-I, where the author states, it also indicated this strenuously work, when an alcoholic with other was vital for permanent recovery in the fourth edition that would be two later pages the last one our common suffering is what holds us together true or false what do you think let's see what the authors say it says our common suffering is what holds us together let's see what it says in the book on page 17 The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the power of cement which binds us, but that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined. The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. In other words, our suffering is not what binds us together. Our suffering is what brings us together, what holds us together is the solution. every single person in this room who has completed the 12 steps regardless of how long you've been sober you are now in a position to take somebody else through the steps if you're anything like me when my sponsor first took me through the stairs, he cut me loose said okay now go out there and find somebody to work what do you mean find somebody work with I was afraid I was going to kill somebody but you see I had experience I had gone through the steps I would go to meetings and I got a lot of flack from people telling me you haven't been sober long enough where does it say in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that I have to be sober X amount of time in order to carry a message of hope doesn't say that in the book once again if it's not in the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous it is not AlcoholicsAnonymous I'm here to tell each and every one of you that have completed the steps you are the ones you are the torchbearers of this program you are the lifeblood, the old timer is the heart neither one can survive without the other we're depending on you to carry the message of hope to the new person to carrythe message ofhope back to your meetings to get active with sponsoring people so I'm encouraging every single person in this room to come back next week for a new cycle of the big book workshop You are in a position. You are qualified to do so. You have had a spiritual experience. Has the compulsion to drink been removed for you? You're nodding yes. That means you are in position to do so. You can't do this wrong. There is no sponsor school. You know how you learn to be a sponsor? By being one. There is no sponsor school. Really? now what if Dr. Bob and Bill Wilson did that what if when Bill Wilson carried the message to Dr. Rob Dr. Robert said how long have you been sober he didn't care he had a message of hope God made a deal with me he separated me from alcohol as a result of going through the steps and this was the deal Paul, I guarantee you will never ever have to drink again and you'll never have to live the way you were living before. And all I ask is that you carry this message of hope to another alcoholic. That's a smoking deal. For an alcoholic like me, that's a smoke... I'm telling you, this is the best game in town right here. Nobody in this room has to ever drink again and you don't ever haveto live theway you werelivingbefore ifyoudontwantto. I want to thank each and every one of you, and I wantto thank you for allowing me to be of service. And I'm looking forward to seeing each and everyone of you next Sunday for a new cycle of the Big Book Workshop so that you can come here and be ofservice to the new person who wants to be taken through the steps as outlined in this book so they too can have freedom. God bless you and thank you very much. Thank you.