Step 1 – Wilson House Big Book Workshop Retreat – Part 4 of 25 – 2023 – Jessica S.

About This Speaker Tape

Wilson House Big Book Workshop Retreat - 2023

A glass wall once separated Jeff from the rest of the world a barrier he only knew how to shatter with a bottle of whiskey. He spent years as a blackout binge drinker chasing a fleeting sense of validation that usually ended with him falling out of the back of a Jeep or waking up just before hitting a telephone pole. Beside him Jessica S. recounts a childhood in a 'redneck yacht club' culture where heavy drinking was the norm but her own allergy turned her into a 'relief seeking missile' addicted to everything from oxycodone to Oreos. Both describe the grueling cycle of 'spin-dry' detoxes and the arrogance of thinking they could control the chaos. Through the grit of old-school sponsors who set hard boundaries—like waiting in a car until the local packie closed—they eventually traded the rage and the 'disease of more' for a life that actually works.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 The meeting opens with the Serenity Prayer and the set-aside prayer.
• 5:15 Jeff describes the 'glass wall' and how alcohol provided a false sense of acceptance.
• 11:20 Jeff discusses his history as a blackout binge drinker and his first DUI.
• 16:45 Jessica S. discusses the 'redneck yacht club' culture of her family and the physical allergy.
• 22:10 Jessica S. describes her descent into opioid addiction and the 'disease of more'.
• 28:30 Laughter: Jessica S. recounts her 'in and out' period and the 'AWOL' process in Roslindale.
• 34:15 Jessica S. describes a relapse on her 20th birthday and the humbling experience of getting a 24-hour chip.
• 41:00 Discussion on the 'insanity' of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
• 48:20 Jessica S. reflects on her childhood rage and the lack of emotional expression in her Irish Catholic family.
• 55:10 Jeff describes the desperation of using fake ATM envelopes to fund his drinking.
• 62:00 Jessica S. shares the story of Pauline, a sponsor who stayed in the car until the packie closed to protect her.