Step 1 – Judy A. – Wilson House Big Book Workshop Retreat – 2020

About This Speaker Tape

Two speakers, Chris and Judy, map the wreckage of their lives against the mechanics of the first step. Chris recounts a childhood of profound dislocation and anxiety, cured only by a bottle of Four R. at thirteen, which triggered a lifelong 'phenomenon of craving.' He describes the absurdity of his bottom: cutting his own phone lines in the basement to prevent drunken dialing, only to climb a ladder to the roof to splice them back together.

Judy shares a slower, more insidious descent—the 'daily drunk' who used alcohol to feel a sense of power and belonging. She describes the chaos of raising children in poverty, the delusion of being a 'problem drinker,' and the tragedy of driving over her own son. Both converge on the idea that sobriety without deep recovery work is a fragile shell, eventually finding grounding in a rigorous Big Book study that moved them from voyeurs to members.

Topics

Timestamps

• 0:00 Chris discusses the common misunderstandings of Step One.
• 1:15 Chris describes the 'phenomenon of craving' and the physical allergy.
• 3:45 Chris discusses the feeling of separation and anxiety as a child.
• 7:20 Laughter: Chris describes cutting his own phone lines to avoid drunken dialing.
• 10:15 Chris explains the mental obsession and the 'lie detector' of morning resolutions.
• 13:40 Chris recounts drinking a gallon of vodka to 'improve his sobriety' after 90 days.
• 16:10 Judy introduces herself and discusses her childhood in a Catholic girls' school.
• 21:30 Judy describes the 'booze muscles' and the illusion of power.
• 25:10 Judy discusses her experience with a schizophrenic friend, Andrew, and the nature of reality.
• 28:45 Judy describes her year of attending meetings while drinking nightly.
• 32:10 Judy discusses the 'pick and shovel work' of the Big Book and her transition to true membership.
• 36:40 Judy recounts the tragedy of driving over her son and the subsequent house fire.